The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.
Charles woke me the next morning with a kiss and breakfast in bed. He apologized for being out so late last night and then left for work. I washed the dishes and got dressed, feeling such fear at the fact that I was running away. It took me an hour to work up the courage to grab the suitcase and leave the house. I made the nine o'clock bus just down the road. It was a Friday so there was no one on the bus that I knew. I sat down, keeping my suitcase and purse close to myself. I was praying harder than I had ever prayed before that no one would see me and tell Charles. I had to get away. Now. Before my baby came into the world. It wasn't just me anymore, no it was me and my baby. I gave my stomach a quick rub, knowing that this little life depended on me now and forever. My heart felt as if it was racing, my fear growing more and more with each passing minute. I doubted that I would ever be fully relaxed with Charles still alive. The bus pulled into the train station and I checked the platform before getting off. I bought my ticket, keeping my head down and hid in the bathroom until I heard the train pulled in. I made my way to my seat and put my suitcase away. I opened my bag and began fiddling with the items, trying to look busy. The train ride was several hours and I hadn't brought anything to distract myself. This was going to be the longest train ride of my life. I had barely slept last night and as the train began the journey I felt my eyes growing heavy. I allowed them to close, knowing that even if I fell asleep there would be nothing I could do even if I was awake.
As the train pulled into my stop, I glanced out the window to spot Ruth and her husband Gregory waiting for me. I noticed that Gregory was missing an arm, most likely lost during the war. I grabbed my suitcase, being careful not to disturb the sleeping child across from me. I smiled at her mother and then stepped onto the platform. Ruth waved at me and hurried through the crowd and pulled me into her arms. She kissed my check, took my hand and led me over to Gregory. He took my suitcase and nodded before leading us to their car. Ruth wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I found myself crying as we walked together. As soon as we were all in the car, Ruth took one look at me and knew that something was very wrong.
"Can you tell me now Esme?" She kept her arm around me, not wanting to let me go for anything.
"It's Charles, Ruth. He was the perfect man until the door was closed. He, he has a temper and would hit me. I broke my arm before he was drafted because he threw me down the stairs. He made me lie to the nurse and doctor and tell them I was just clumsy and broke my heel on my show. I, I couldn't do it anymore. I had been hoping that he would die at war but he came back and was angrier than ever. He was needy as well, very needy. Ruth, I'm pregnant." I felt the tears begin to flow even more as she pulled me into her, soothing me sorrow.
"Oh Esme! What did your mother say?"
"She told me it was my fault. I can't raise a baby with him, the child would die." I looked into her eyes and saw her realize what was really going on.
"You're leaving him. Esme you can stay with us for as long as you need to, but money is tight. I don't want to ask you to work but if you could find some work even one day a week." I nodded before settling back into her arms, feeling safe for the first time in a very long time. My eyes were still heavy and I allowed them to close, finding comfort for the first time in a very long time.
As I opened my eyes a simple one story home came into view, it had a bright yellow door with a yellow picket fence. Yellow had always been Ruth's favorite color and Gregory seemed to have made the house to her liking. I couldn't help but smile at the look on her face as she saw me admiring her home.
"Gregory painted it all before we were married. It was part of my wedding gift." She led me to the door and I stopped to admire the beautiful sunflowers that she had growing on the left side of the walkway. Opening the door, a small hallway led into a beautiful living room with a painting that I had made Ruth when we were teenagers on the wall. It was a sunset with her family home in front and a field of sunflowers to the side. I was shocked that she had kept it for so long. There was a pale yellow rug with green woven through it. I admired the white curtains that had daffodils on them. The living room led into the kitchen which was entirely up to date. The hallway had three doors along it, on leading to a decent sized bathroom, the master bedroom and the spare bedroom. Gregory brought my suitcase into the spare bedroom then left Ruth and I alone.
"I didn't see a garden outside." I sat down and patted the bed next to me. She took a seat and simply smiled.
"Greg grows the flowers. I kill anything I try to grow so no. I've been working at the library three days a week to try and bring in some money. Greg lost his arm shortly after he was deployed so we haven't been having the best time money wise." She looked around the room then back at me.
"Well then that's where I begin. I have some money set aside so I will buy seeds for a small garden so we can have fresh produce. I will also start looking for work tomorrow." I gave Ruth a hug before heading outside. I gave Greg six dollars for supplies and he happily went to town to get the items. I also requested that he get some yellow fabric and yarn as I had noticed how worn Ruth's clothing was. I had to repay them any way that I could.
Ruth and I worked together to make a stir-fry for dinner with hamburgers on the side. We laughed and joked and had a great time. I felt joy beginning to blossom within me as I was once again in a home filled with love. That night I fell asleep to the quiet sounds of a busy town and knew that I could start over.
The next day I went out to look for a job just as I had promised. I had created my story last night. I would be Esme Cullen, I was sure that Carlisle wouldn't mine me borrowing his last name, a war widow who was pregnant and came to live with family after finding out that her husband was deceased. I was able to find work as a school teacher, fulfilling my lifelong dream of working with children. The headmaster was very wonderful and said that I could work until my pregnancy was too far along to allow me to be comfortable or the doctor said I had to stop. The students were wonderful and highly excited to learn. I taught a small class of twelve children, eight girls and four boys. My favorite subject to teach was history as I was able to create wonderful stories that caught their attention and made me them want to listen and learn. I made the classroom into an environment that was safe for the children to ask questions and speak their opinions.
Gregory took over the vegetable garden as he wanted to do something useful during his time at home. Ruth had not been lying when she had said that he had a green thumb. He had carrots, potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers and even squash. Every Saturday from July to the first weekend of September we had a small vegetable stand where we sold our extra's. The money was put into a jar and we split it down the middle when the selling season was over. I began to take students after school for tutoring to add some extra money just in case. I was not going to be able to work once the baby was here and I needed as much money as I could get. Tutoring paid two dollars a week per student and I took eight students. I paid rent to Ruth and Gregory and the rest of my money went into my savings. I made sure to keep my money on me as I was unable to store it anywhere that was safe. I didn't trust banks and I was always looking over my shoulder, waiting for Charles to find me.
December 12, 1920
As Emily left after we finished working on her math, I pulled my sweater on and rubbed my swollen stomach. The baby gave me a small kick, then began slowly moving around. I couldn't help but smile at the feeling of him or her moving around inside of me. According to the doctor I had less than a month left but because I was so healthy and strong I was able to complete teaching until the December break. It was a beautiful Friday afternoon and I was looking forward to the walk home. As I gathered my purse, I heard raised voices in the hallway. I glanced out the door and saw Gregory blocking Charles as Ruth was crying behind them.
He had found me. No. No no no no. This was not happening. I glanced down the hall again and saw that Charles had turned around. I clutched my purse against me and I quickly walked to the side door, not looking over my shoulder. The train station was a few minutes walk away and I was going to get away. There was no way that Charles would ever see me again. I walked as quickly as my swollen stomach would allow, using the love that I had for the bay to give me both the strength and the courage to flee once again. I ran up to the ticket booth and asked where the train was heading. It went through Ashland which sounded like a decent place to live. I bought a ticket and boarded, knowing that it was leaving within five minutes and Charles would never make it in time. As the train pulled out of the station, I knew that I had done it. I was in the clear and not even Ruth knew where I was going. Charles was in the past and that was all it was. My past. My baby was safe and I was as well.
I realized that I had left everything at Ruth's house. All I had was what was in my purse and the clothes on my back. That didn't matter. I'd rent an apartment and buy some material to sew some new clothing. I would also need to buy some yarn and knitting needles as all the items I had made for the baby were back there. That wasn't a problem. I couldn't work anymore as no one would hire me this far along in a pregnancy. Thankfully I had gotten paid today for everything and had more than enough to make it till spring when I could begin a vegetable garden yet again. This was going to work.
February 1, 1921
The contractions were getting closer together and I knew that I had perhaps waited a little too long to go to the hospital. I picked up the phone, which was just down the road from my home and dialed the taxi. I told them to hurry because I needed to get there as soon as possible.
"It's okay baby, help is coming." I hobbled back to the porch and held onto the frame while I waited. Five minutes passed before the taxi rounded the corner. I slid in the seat and told the driver to take us to the hospital. It was at least a ten to fifteen-minute drive and I wasn't sure if I could hold on that long. I kept taking deep breaths, allowing the contractions to do their work rather than fighting them.
I walked into the hospital and was immediately checked in. As the doctor checked me over, I was almost fully dilated and had done an excellent job so far. A nurse was appointed to stay with me as I was a single mother and there was no one to stay with me. An hour passed and it was time to push. I gave it my all, knowing that my baby depended on me to bring him/her into this world. Another hour passed. Then another. The doctor began to be concerned and told me that if the baby had not moved in another hour they would have to take me into surgery. I nodded, too tired to speak but still trying to find the strength to keep pushing. I heard the doctor congratulate me but the pain was too much. The head had moved and was ready to come out. I began taking small breaths as my body slowly pushed the head out. The doctor gave me the green light and I gave one last big push. I felt the baby slide from my body as I gasped, pulling air into my exhausted lungs. I heard commotion but kept listening for my babies cries. They never came. I began calling out, trying to find out what was going on. Two new nurses entered and began cleaning me up. They changed the sheets and settled me back into the bed, not talking to me. I was too exhausted to continue fighting and gave into sleep.
When I awoke, my baby was no where to be seen. I pressed the nurse button and waiting, needing to know what was going on. A young nurse hurried in, looking slightly frazzled.
"Ms. Cullen?"
"Where's my baby?" I sat up, needing my baby. Yearning to hold my baby in my arms."
"I'm afraid he is very sick. Let me get the doctor." She hurried from the room leaving me all alone yet again. I felt tears begin to run down my face as all my dreams crashed to the floor yet again. Charles had destroyed everything that I was and now my son was sick. I clutched at the blanket, needing my baby. The doctor appeared, holding a clipboard in his hands.
"Hello Ms. Cullen, it's nice to see you awake. I am afraid that your son is having breathing difficulties and from what I can tell he has Lung Fever. I do not believe that he is going to make it." He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. I had done everything right. I had eaten only healthy foods and gone for walks every day. I had been so careful and my baby was ill, dying. There was nothing that I could do.
I was able to talk the doctors into allowing me to take him home. I had been forced to name him before we left the hospital and I decided to call him Thomas. He had bright blue eyes and beautiful cooper colored hair. His small frame was fragile in my arms and I knew that every minute I had with him was precious.
When I entered the house, I took Charles into the bedroom and sat down in the special rocking chair. I began to sing a lullaby to him as I brought him to my breast. Between his gasping breaths he began to drink, only taking small amounts at a time. I focused completely on him needed to spend every second with him. I fell asleep for a period of time only to awake to his feeble cries. I gently changed his diaper before feeding him again. I bathed him in warm water, hoping that the steam might make his breathing easier. I paced around my small living space, singing and telling Thomas everything that I had wanted to do with him. As the sun rose the next day, his breathing had become more labored. I knew that our time was ticking away and all I wanted was to keep him with me. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I held him against me, feeling his temperature begin to rise. I began rocking him, praying to God to give me just one more day. I had endured so much and not once complained. I needed my son, I was not ready to loose him yet. The clock chimed four and his body shuddered before going still. I brought his head to my lips and kissed him, drawing him against my chest, sobs wracking my entire body. Thomas was gone, stolen from my arms too soon. My reason to keep trying, to live, was dead. I screamed, angry at God for damning me to this cursed life. I screamed in pain as my heart was completely crushed. Within the hour the police were knocking on my door, responding to a disturbance call. They brought me and my dead child to the hospital, where he was taken from me. As I had no family, I was the only person at his funeral. As I stared at the tiny coffin that held his little body, I knew that I would soon join him.
I returned to the house after and simply stood in the doorway unmoving. My heart was still, unmoving and numbed by this loss. I had no reason anymore. I felt my legs give out as I collapsed to the floor, tears streaming down my face. Why had God abandoned me to this cursed life?! I screamed, beating the floor with my hands until they were black and blue. When the sun had set, I stood, knowing that I would join my son. I left the door unlocked, needing nothing from this life. With my skirts gathered into my hands, I ran into the woods, knowing that the highest cliff in town was behind my home. I didn't feel a thing as the branches tore at my skin and clothing. It was a bitterly cold night and I relished in the pain caused by the burning air. As the edge of the tree's came into view I slowed to a walk, dropping my skirt. I slowly walked to the edge and then glanced down, seeing a beach at the bottom. Without hesitation, I leapt from the edge, pushing off as my feet left the ground. I closed my eyes throwing my arms out to the sides, ready to embrace the earth as it rushed up to meet me.