A/N: I thought this chapter took me forever, and then I went back and realized it only took me like two days. I think my brain is fried. Happier stuff coming up in the next chapter, I promise.

Austin had meant to be at the hearing, figuring she could slip away for an hour or two so she could sit in and hear everything that was said. But her suspect decided to have some lip with her and that had taken a lot more time than she'd planned. Jess finished up the booking for her so she could make it to the court house but by the time she got there, everything was over.

She met Adam coming out the door and she fell into step with him, not saying a word as they left the building and walked down the front steps, hitting the sidewalk and picking up an angry speed. She wasn't sure what had gone on, but she knew it wasn't good, and Adam's need to walk was telling her that this process was not going to be fast and easy. She could have waited for Danny and Flack, who had been sitting in as well, but something told her that Adam was going to need someone to talk to.

His hands were jammed into his pockets and he kept his gaze straight ahead, never once looking at her even though he knew she was there. She wanted to reach out and touch him, make him slow down a little, but she knew he needed to blow off steam, so she just kept walking beside him.

After what seemed like an hour he began to slow down, faster than a stroll, but not enough that she felt as if she needed to wear running shoes.

"He's pleading guilty on the kidnapping charges and taking a minor over state lines," he started, obviously with the good news first. "But innocent on the charges of child abuse and endangerment. Which means that at the very least, Colton's going to have to talk to the judge, and it could mean that he actually has to go up on the witness stand."

"You think he pleaded that way because he knew that's what would happen?"

"That's exactly what I think. He wants to be able to sit there and use that stare to get Colton to fumble his words or get scared. He didn't bank on the fact that my son is more brave and bold than I ever was."

Austin gave a half smile at that as Adam ran his fingers angrily though his hair.

"Does Colton know that he might have to testify?"

"There's always been the possibility and he keeps saying he wants to and it's his job and stuff, but I don't want him to have to relive that."

"I know."

"He should be able to move on at his own pace, he shouldn't have to wait for the court to tell him when it's over."

"This will probably help him, Adam. I know it doesn't seem like it, but just think about it. Didn't it help you a little the first time you told your story?"

"The first time I told my story, Austin, no on listened or believed me."

"But-"

"I was just a kid, not much older than Colton is now. I never said a word about it again until I told Lindsay. So no, talking about it didn't help."

"Okay, so the first time sucked. What about after that when you've talked about it to me or to Lindsay? Doesn't that help a little?"

"No, it doesn't. I would rather never think about it again."

"You're not over it," she deduced quietly, actually surprised. She always thought he had a much better handle on it than she did, but it suddenly occurred to her that he'd just put a cap on that emotion. That's why he became so irritable when is father had called him, why he lied about it and pretended it wasn't happening, why he could barely speak a word about it. It was still torturing him because he had never accepted it and worked through it.

"Adam," she started, knowing that she was the only person in the world that could tell him this. "You've got to let yourself heal. I know that a lot of this is about you and your father and he's doing this to hurt you by hurting Colton. I get that. But you've never let yourself rise about it, have you? You've never left it in your past."

"Have you?"

"Yes. It took a very long time, Adam, but it's something that happened to me a long time ago and it won't happen again."

"What, you think I'm scared that my father is going to come into my house in the night and beat me senseless like he used to?"

"No. I think you're still scared to death that you're going to be like him. I think if you keep your fear in your head, constantly remember what he did, never let it go, you assume it keeps you from doing what he did. I think you're under the impression that if your forget it and keep it in the past you won't remember what it did to you and you'll do it to your kids."

He didn't reply but he really didn't need to. She knew she'd hit the nail on the head.

"Do you think that I would ever hit my kids?"

"No," he answered firmly.

"Then why do you think you would?"

"You don't understand. You have good memories of your father. Before it all started and even after you moved out you were able to repair things with him. I don't have that. I don't have one good moment with my father to hold onto that says I have something other than abuse to look forward to."

"I get what you're saying. If you really think you're capable of that, if you really don't trust yourself then maybe you shouldn't be a father."

His expression burned like fire as he stared her down. She hated saying those words, knew they were some of the most hurtful she'd ever said to anyone, but she also knew they needed to be said.

"I would never hurt my children, Austin. I am a good father, and I would never do what he did. Ever."

"Then what are you so scared of?"

He sighed.

"I don't know."

"Adam, do you think if you let go of what happened, you're going to let go of a part of yourself?"

"No."

"Then why can't you move on from there?"

"You know, I've thought about that for a lot of years and I just don't know."

She grabbed his arm and they stopped walking, turning to face each other. They didn't say a word as she reached out and hugged him tightly.

"You're not him. You love your kids, you love Lindsay and you are never going to do what he did. It's not genetic, Adam. It's not."

"I know."

"He's nothing. He doesn't have power over you unless you let him. And once this is over, it's over. It will be something that happened in the past that can't control you or your emotions anymore."

"It's weird to think that it actually has an end, you know?"

"Yeah."

She let him go and he took a deep breath.

"I hate how angry it makes me."

"It happens to me too."

"How do you get over it?"

"I go shootin'."

He chuckled and shook his head.

"You and Lindsay."

"Watch out if we ever make plans to go together, then you and Danny are in for it."

He grinned and they continued to walk, slower this time.

"It's going to be okay, Adam. Colton's going to do just fine, and so are you. And if you're not, you'd better believe I will kick your butt until you are."

"I have no doubt about that, Austin."

"I can do it, daddy, I promise!" Colton said, wringing his hands. "I will tell the truth in the court, okay? I promise I am brave and if it makes the bad man learn his lesson for longer, I will do it."

"I know you want to son, but I have to make it clear to you that it might not be as easy as you think it is."

"I trust you, daddy. What if I don't have to talk in front of everyone? What if I just talk to the judge like we said before? Would that make you feel better?"

Adam sighed and hugged his son tightly.

"Let's not worry about it until we know for sure."

"Okay daddy. What do you think, mama?"

Lindsay sighed from her spot on the couch and Colton scooted over to her, his eyes wide and pleading.

"Honey, I just don't know right now. Let's wait and see how it goes."

He nodded and hugged her tightly.

"I want to know somethin'. How come you guys are more scared of me tellin' what happened than you were about me getting stoled?"

"We're not more scared, Colton. It's just… we don't really know what to expect and we want everything to turn out the best for you."

"Why won't it? If I tell the truth, what else can the man say? He taked me, mama and he hurt me and he yelled. He didn't do anything right or good and that is the whole entire truth. If that is the truth and that is what means he will go to jail, then that is what will happen and that will be the best for everyone right? So what are you so worried about?"

"Sometimes in the adult world it isn't that simple."

"Well then I don't want to grow up!" he said, sliding off the couch. "I am going to go upstairs and think about this."

He left the room and pounded quickly up the stairs while Adam sighed.

"Can I ask you something Adam?"

"Sure."

"Did you ever get to talk about it? I mean really talk about what happened to you?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"Not really. I think I was scared to bring it up to my mom; I didn't want to make her sad. I guess I just figured that it was something that was over. I'm beginning to see that was probably not the best thing."

"Probably not."

He shook his head and stood up from the couch.

"I'm going to go to the store and see if I can knock out that grocery list."

"Okay, coupons are in the drawer."

"Ben, you want to go to the store with me?"

Ben looked up from the train tracks he'd been putting together and gave a half smile.

"I need to go potty first. I will decide then."

He got up and went into the bathroom while Adam moved into the kitchen, taking the coupons out of the drawer and putting the ones he needed into a pile.

"Honey, are you going to talk about it?" Lindsay asked, following him and trying not to seem like she was badgering.

"Yeah. Just give me some time, okay?"

"Fair enough. I know it's not on the list but you could pick up some chocolate if you were so inclined."

"I was thinking Rice Krispies and marshmallows."

"With chocolate on the top!"

"Are you pregnant?"

She smiled and shook her head as Ben bounded back into the room.

"So do you want to go with me, Ben Ry?"

"Oh. I wasn't thinkin' 'bout goin' to the store!" he said distraughtly, hiking his shorts up higher. "I was thinkin' 'bout Batman!"

Adam chuckled, then snorted, then let out a full blow guffaw, one that took his breath away and forced him to lean on the counter for support.

"Oh man Ben," he said, once he'd recovered a little "I needed that."

"Needed what? Hey, how come my shorts keep fallin' down?"

"Because they're Colton's shorts honey," Lindsay replied. "Why don't you go change before you go with daddy?"

"Okay. I will be right back."

He took off upstairs as fast as he could entering his bedroom and finding Colton sitting at the desk by the window.

"Me and daddy is goin' to the store. Wanna come Cole?"

Colton shook his head and kept his eyes on his paper.

"What is you writin'?"

"A letter. I am writing to the judge what is gonna be the ruler in the court and I am telling it that I want to tell the truth. And after I am done I am gonna write to that bad man and tell him that he should tell the truth because it is not good to lie. And then I am writin' a letter to mama and daddy so they will understand."

"Oh," Ben said with a nod, changing into a pair of his own khaki shorts. "You got lots of work today."

"Yeah. I think I will be up here all the day long workin' on this. Is daddy and you takin' Aves and mama?"

"No, just me and him. Sissy's still takin' her nap."

"Mama could go with you and I could stay here and watch sissy. I am a grown up now."

"No you are not!" Ben shouted. "You is still a kid like me! You are short and you're seven."

"Yeah Ben, but bad stuff happened to me."

"It makes me sad if you will not be a kid anymore. Then you will never play, you will just pay bills and work. Don't be a grownup, Cole. Please?"

"Don't got no choice, Ben. I am a grownup in a little kid's body now."

"Will you still play with me?"

"Can't. Got too much work to do. You will have to play with sissy and Junior and the rest of the kids now."

Ben's stomach started to hurt and he gave Colton one last look before he left the room and slowly walked downstairs.

"You okay buddy?" Adam asked as he entered the kitchen.

Ben burst into tears before he could stop them and he stood there in the doorway, crying for all he was worth, not caring for once that his glasses were getting wet and foggy or that the tears made his face itch and his head hurt.

"Ben, what's the matter?" Lindsay asked, picking him up and holding him close.

"Cole not be my brother no more!" he wailed pitifully. "He be a grownup now!"

"What are you talking about?"

"That's what he say! Got too much work to play with me. I jus' want my brother again!"

"Oh Ben, he's not going anywhere. He's still your brother."

"But he say he is a grownup now! He will be boring and go to sleep and we won't whisper stories at night! And no more playin' games! And wrestlin'! I don't got no big brother no more!"

He continued to cry and no amount of reassuring and shushing would calm him down. Lindsay sat down on the couch with him and wrapped a blanket around both of them, wondering if the things he was saying were really the things that were bothering him, or if this was a delayed reaction to Colton being gone.

"Ben, I'm going to go talk to him okay?" Adam said softly. "I'll be right back."

He went upstairs, completely unsure about what he was going to say, much less what had really gone on between the boys. He peeked into the bedroom and found Colton still at his desk, writing furiously.

"Why is Ben crying?"

Colton turned around in his chair and shrugged.

"I don't know. Did you ask him dad?"

Adam nearly took a step back, shocked that he didn't get the usual "daddy." His heart ached for a moment, wondering if he'd heard it for the last time. He figured they wouldn't call him daddy forever, but there was a little part of him that held onto the belief that they might. Lindsay's brothers still called their dad daddy and despite the rarity of such a thing, he thought it might be something special that would stay in the family.

"He said you don't want to be his brother anymore."

"I didn't say that exactly. I just said that I have a lot to do. I am grownup now, and I don't have time to play as much."

"Why do you think you're grownup now?"

"Because," he started with a long sigh. "Grownups have stress. You and mama talk about boring and complicated things. I just don't feel like I belong with the other kids now. I feel like I am boring and complicated. I don't want to have fun no more."

"You think grownups don't have fun?"

"Different kinds. I just have a lot of angry in my heart about the bad people. And the angry is big and there's no room for the happy I used to have. I cannot forget about the hurt kids and the bad people, so my heart stays angry. I can't be happy like a little kid who doesn't know anymore. I am different now."

"You're not different, son. You just know things now that most people don't learn until they're older. And I'm sorry you had to learn them. I wish I could take that away. But I don't want you to think that you can't be happy like you used to."

"But when I try to be happy, I feel bad for forgetting the kids!"

"When you forget them it doesn't mean that you're ignoring what happens. It just means that sometimes your brain needs a break and it has to be happy again for a while. It doesn't let you be mad and angry and upset like that all the time. It's not good for you."

"So I can be a happy kid at the same time as I know all these bad things?"

"You can."

"I will figure out how to work on that. You said Ben was cryin'?"

"Yeah."

"I better go speak with him. I don't want his happy to go away."

They went downstairs together and Colton ran over to the couch, throwing his arms around Ben.

"Don't cry, brother! Daddy 'splained it to me! I can be happy again."

"You is a kid Cole!" Ben said firmly. "You is a kid and you is not a grownup yet! Okay? You hear me?"

"I hear you Ben. I was just confused. Daddy told me that I can still be happy and a kid no matter what happened to me. So that is okay, right? And daddy, I was just tryna be a grownup when I said dad instead. I don't gotta call you just plain dad. I seen the face you maked and you didn't like that huh?"

"Not one of my better memories, no."

"Okay, well since I am your kid then you are my daddy. There, that is simple. Is everyone happy? Good. Let's wait for Aves to wake up from her nap and then we will all go to the store together and be a whole family, okay?"

"Averylin," Lindsay sighed, picking up the bags of pasta that Avery had knocked over.

"Oh no, mama."

"Remember how I said to keep your hands in the cart?"

Avery sighed and put her hands in her lap.

"Sissy get in trouble?" Ben asked, somewhat hopefully. He didn't like that Avery got in trouble, but he liked to put his arm around her and tell her it would be okay.

"No, she's not in trouble, she is trouble," Lindsay clarified. "She also has a dirty diaper."

"Oh daddy! Sissy stinks!" Ben chuckled, holding onto the end of the cart.

"So what else is new?" Adam asked as he and Colton dropped boxes of cereal into the cart.

"Hey, be nice. She can't help that she's still in diapers. You don't want to get potty trained yet do you baby?"

Avery shook her head and tried to bite into the box of Pop-tarts.

"Sissy, that is not food until mama puts it in the toaster!"

Avery giggled and tossed the box over her shoulder, into the cart, then tried to unbuckle herself. Lindsay reached out and stopped her without even looking. She'd never had to actually buckle the boys in like that, but Avery was a different story.

"Honey, what should I make for dinner?"

Adam shrugged and checked her list for anything else in this aisle.

"Whatever you want. Everything you make is good."

"Thank you for the support, but I was hoping you could think of something."

"Do you have time for roast? I'll mash the potatoes."

She gave him a little smile and he came to stand behind her, his arms around her so he could push the cart too.

"Ben, they're bein' cute again," Colton sighed, climbing onto the side of the cart and peeking in. "Does that bother you?"

Ben shook his head and pushed his glasses up.

"Means they love each other. Ever and ever."

"Guess so. Daddy, does mama make your heart beat all funny?"

"Yeah, she does."

"I guess that's good. Can we get some macaroni and cheese?"

"Sure, grab a few boxes."

He carefully picked four boxes and dumped them into the cart, then added one more for good measure.

"I like the shaped ones," he said absentmindedly. "They taste better."

"Yeah, they do."

He was quiet for a while as they walked, checking things off their list and filling the cart. Avery was cranky and kept trying to climb out of the cart, eventually laying her head down on her hands and falling asleep. The boys were holding hands as they walked the aisles leisurely, pointing at different things the wanted to try or food that looked funny. There was much laughing at the pickled pigs feet and sounds of disgust when Adam showed them the cows tongue and Lindsay admitted that she'd tried it before. By the time they reached the registers the cart was full and bellies were hungry for lunch, and the boys were happy to unload the cart if it meant getting food faster. The watched as the groceries were bagged, then helped Adam load them back into the cart.

"Your boys are very well behaved," the cashier noted as Lindsay slid the bank card in the machine.

"Oh, thank you."

"They seem really happy. We don't usually get such pleasant kids in here."

"Really?"

"Normally they're screaming and dumping things on the floor. I was kind of watching you shop and the kids seem like they're just happy to be together."

"Yeah, I think they are," Lindsay said with a little smile. Sometimes she forgot that people didn't know what they had just been through, and that it wasn't right there on their faces for everyone to see.

"You must be really good parents."

"I… thank you."

The cashier smiled and moved on to the next customer while Lindsay near dazedly followed Adam and the kids out the door. She got the kids buckled into their seats while Adam loaded the trunk and put the cart away. They met up behind the car, crossing paths to get to their own seats and she stopped him, hugging him as tightly as she could.

"What's this for?"

"We're good parents, Adam."

"I think so too."

She didn't say another word and he didn't ask, they both just knew, and that was all they needed.