The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.
Voices. Male voices. They were talking to me, or rather about me. Thomas? Or Charles? It couldn't be Charl…
…
Charles. He was here to get me but I heard two men? Had he brought father? He was going to beat me to death.
"Carlisle, her thoughts." The first one pulled away, getting off the bed. Charles, my thoughts?
"If it is too much son, go." That had to be my father but the voice sounded so familiar. Had Charles brought my Father to make sure that I did not run away again?
"It's not that, it's awful. She is so afraid Carlisle because she can hear men. She keeps thinking of her husband. I, I shouldn't say more." I felt the person still on the bed lean down closer to my ear.
"Of Course." He began rubbing his hand against mine. It was so cold. "Esme, my name is Carlisle Cullen. You are in my home and are safe with me, no one will find you here. You are going through some changes as your wounds were too bad for me to simply fix. The pain is only temporary."
"She, she's calming down. I see you, it's a fuzzy memory but it must be from ten years ago. It seems that she never forgot you." My mind ran around in circles, pulling every dream of Carlisle that I had had when I was younger. Was he really here? The pain began to flare and I could no longer focus.
…
I opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful young man standing next to me holding my hand. Thomas? This has to be heaven. That had to be my son with the beautiful copper hair almost the same color as mine. He was all grown up but still amazing. He opened his mouth and turned to the other man.
"She's wondering if she is in heaven. She keeps calling me Thomas." My vision was blurry and I struggled to focus. Carlisle was suddenly there, replacing Thomas.
"Hello Esme. Don't try to talk, this is just a moment of rest before the worst part begins. I will not leave you sweetheart but you need to hear this. I have changed you to save your life. When you fully awaken, you are going to be very disoriented with everything that is going on. That is Edward, my son. He is here to help as well. Esme look at me, hold on for just a few moments more. Do you understand?"
Edward? He wasn't my son? At least I was not alone. I understand Carlisle but the pain, please make it stop.
"She does but she says the pain is getting worse." I reached out and grabbed Carlisle's arm, needing him to help me.
"Help me." The pain seared through me and I fell into it again. I could not hold back the screams as my heart began to race. I had no control over my body anymore as the fire slowly began to leave my fingers and center in my heart. My torso began to convulse and move of its own accord. I was so afraid, this had to be me passing into hell. Then nothing. There was only silence. I heard the two men move away from the bed and stop near one of the walls. Shouldn't I be breathing? A slight chuckle sounded from, Edward? I forced myself to take a breath, gasping at the effort. I snapped my eyes open and leapt from the bed. The smells! Wait, there was HIS smell, the wonderful scent of aftershave and the grass after rain. HE was here. I spun around, startled by how quickly I moved but there he was.
"Dr. Cullen?" I couldn't keep the surprise from my voice. "You're dead?" My hand was at my mouth as soon as I thought of the action. That was odd. My voice was, higher, lighter, and much more beautiful than it had been.
"No Esme, I made you like me. You were brought into the hospital, the morgue, because the people who found you thought that you were dead. I remembered you from ten years ago, the kind hearted young woman who broke her leg trying to save some baby birds. I could not leave you there to die so I brought you home." I glanced around the room, noticing that it seemed to be a man's room. What was I wearing? I gasped as I realized that I was dressed only in a man's shirt. I grabbed the blanket, my fingers ripping right through the fabric in my panic to get myself covered.
"Esme it's okay. I'm sorry that I did not have anything else here for you to wear. That is one of my shirts, your dress was torn and bloody so I destroyed it. Esme darling look at me." I glanced up, fearing that I was blushing in horror.
"You're not." My head whipped to the side to see the other young man in the room, the one I thought was my Thomas. "I'm not. My name is Edward, Carlisle made me just as he made you."
"Made me?" I swallowed hard, my throat was dry and scratchy as if I had been parched for months.
"Carlisle she is starting to notice it." Edward stepped to the side.
"Esme listen to me. I am a vampire, I made you into one as I was unable to save you using normal medicine. Your throat hurts because you are thirsty. Edward and I are going to take you hunting but I need you to trust me." He stepped forward and I jumped back, slamming into the wall. I felt the plaster hitting my shoulder as I eased out of the dent I had just created. My hand flew to my mouth in horror as Carlisle laughed lightly.
"Do not worry about it Esme, we have all broken things in our days. You are safe here, remember that." I looked down at the floor again, embarrassed by my carelessness. I tugged at the shirt hem, knowing I could not go anywhere in this.
"Esme what size are you?" Edward cocked his head to the side as he watched me carefully. I felt my anger flare that this strange man dare ask me such a question. A hiss escaped my lips as I crouched, sending my anger towards Edward. How dare he! Then Carlisle was there and I felt embarrassed all over again. Of course he had meant no harm! I needed pants and Edward must have been asking purely to see if we were a similar size, I straightened, horror lighting my face.
"I'm um I make all my own clothing so I am honestly not sure. Oh Edward, I'm so sorry!" I was beginning to feel incredibly confused. My throat was burning now and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore. Suddenly Edward left then reappeared, throwing something towards me. I caught it, shocked by my reflexes. It was a simple pair of brown pants with a belt. I slid them on and tightened the belt as far as I could, finding that they stayed in one place. Carlisle put his hands up and slowly approached, kneeling in front of me.
"I'm going to rip off the extra fabric so you can actually walk in these." He gently grabbed the hem and tore, creating pants that were the perfect length. I was glad that he was explaining his motions as I could hardly focus on him anymore. He stood and gently touched my chin, turning my face to look into his eyes. "That is your thirst Esme, you keep swallowing but it is going to do nothing to help. You need to feed and the only thing that will satisfy you is blood." I gasped, stepping away from him in horror.
"No!" I could not help the scream that tore through my lips. I couldn't eat living things!
"Esme you need to. I know this is all very hard to grasp. Once you have fed we can talk some more but until then you are not going to understand much of anything. Take my hand, I'll keep you safe." His eyes were so golden and I knew that I could trust him. Why was this so hard?
"It's because you are a newborn Esme." I turned to Edward, waiting for him to explain. "Your hunger is stronger right now. I'll go ahead make sure the area is clear." He opened the window and jumped out without making a sound. I swallowed again, reaching up to hold my throat hoping to cool the burning. Carlisle remained unmoving, keeping his arm extended towards me.
I took a small shaky breath and placed my hand in his. With my mind in such a muddle there was no way that I could trust myself. I had to trust someone and Carlisle was a doctor so I could trust him, no I had to trust him. He slowly walked, carefully placing each step as we moved downstairs. He kept a distance away from us just leading me outside. The sun was barely above the horizon and the birds were making lovely music. As my bare feet touched the earth I stopped, digging my toes into the dirt. I could feel each individual blade of grass as I moved slightly. I giggled at the feeling of the dirt falling through my toes, it was the most amazing feeling. Carlisle waited for my mind to come back to what we were doing before continuing into the woods. He started to run as soon as we were both under the cover of the trees and I found myself easily keeping up with him. After a short period of time, he stopped gently pulling me closer to him. He hesitated before gently placing his hands on my arms.
"Close your eyes Esme. What do you smell?" I took a deep breath and moved until my back hit his chest, needed to know that he would help me every step of the way.
I closed my eyes and lifted my nose upwards, into the wind. The first breeze brought me the scent of a river and a few small animals that did not even perk my interest. The next breeze caused me to tense, as a scent caused my throat to flare. Carlisle let me go and I immediately bolted, following the scent easily. I slowed as it over powered my senses, causing me to go crazy. I leapt forward, landing on its back. It reared trying to get me off its back. I dug my fingers in feeling my nails rip right through it's skin. I snarled as I dug my teeth into it's neck.
The blood was warm but it tasted, almost wrong. I kept drinking as it was slowly putting out the fire that had taken over my throat. I groaned as it rolled over my tongue and down my throat. I knew it was not what I truly wanted but there was nothing that I could do. All I wanted was more. I dropped my prey and growled, smelling the air for more. Something even less appealing floated by but I needed more. I leapt to my feet and took off towards the scent. A herd of deer came into view and I pounced for the nearest one. When it was empty I grabbed another, draining it dry. I sat back, holding the head in my hands. I felt up its neck and saw that I had broken its neck before drinking it dry. At least I knew that the animal had not suffered. As I stood to my feet I felt all sloshy inside as if I had had too much to drink. Yet there was still a muffled aching in my throat that I knew would not be gone for long.
"Esme?" Carlisle spoke quietly most likely hoping to not spook me. I let my arms fall to my sides as I turned around.
"I'm, I am okay." Looking down I realized that I had made a mess of the clothes that had been given to me. "I'm sorry." I held my arms out in frustration at the disaster that I was yet again.
"Esme it's okay. You did great, a few pairs of ruined clothing are nothing to fret about." Edward began slowly walking around me, I followed his movements unsure as to what he was doing. "It's okay. I'm just going to bury your kills. We have to cover out tracks but for now we will take care of that." I nodded then turned back to Carlisle as my mind began to clear.
"Carlisle, Edward mentioned a word earlier. Can you explain?"
"Certainly Esme but let us move closer to the house." He took my hand and guided me to the stream. He motioned for me to sit down on a rock as he tore a section off his shirt. He began to gently clean my hands and face. "I assume that the word was newborn. For the first year of your life as a vampire you are considered a newborn. What happens when we change is that our human blood lingers in our tissue for the first year, it can be very medical to understand. With that, comes being stronger and faster than older vampires but you are also ruled by your emotions. For example, when you got angry earlier because Edward asked for your size, that was you being a newborn. Now as a vampire you will be stronger, faster, have better hearing and be more beautiful than any human. They will be drawn to you as they are our ultimate prey."
I shuddered at the thought of hurting a human, of killing them.
"So why do you and Edward hunt animals?" I clasped my hands together hoping that I could stay rational long enough to learn something. Carlisle knelt in front of me and set a hand on top of mine.
"I made the decision a long, long time ago. I was bitten in the 1600's while hunting for vampires. My father was obsessed with ridding the world of evil and he wanted me to follow in his footsteps so he ingrained all his religion in my mind. When I realized what I had become upon waking, I tried to kill myself. I tried drowning, throwing myself off of a cliff, and starving myself. Nothing worked. One night when I was ravenous, I stumbled across a group of deer and I fell upon them. When I came out of the haze I realized that I could feed off of animals and survive. I has taken me many years to get to where I am today but it is possible Esme. Edward has done it and is doing well. I believe with our help you will be able to as well." I watched as he smiled at me, wanting me to know that I was doing well. Instead, I felt completely out of my league. I had so many questions but no idea where to begin. I looked past Carlisle and watched as a butterfly fluttered through a patch of sunlight. Every stroke of its wings caused the pollen in the air to swirl in different patterns. The butterfly's wings were absolutely breathtaking in their beauty and delicacy. It was as if I was seeing the world for the first time. When the butterfly flew out of sight I turned my attention back to Carlisle, having grounded myself once again.
"How long does this newborn stage last?"
"About a year but I believe that with our diet we can get through it more quickly. Most vampires choose to hunt the prey that we were created to hunt, humans. I did not have the heart or the ability to hurt anyone so I was more than happy to live with this 'vegetarian' lifestyle" Carlisle smiled as he said the word most likely at the idea that drinking an animals blood made us vegetarians.
"Do you know how often I will need to feed?" I felt my fear come through in my voice as I hesitated to voice the one question that was still plaguing me.
"I can not say for sure Esme. It is different for everyone of us but know that Edward and I will help you through every step of this. You are no longer alone." I smiled at Carlisle and found myself suddenly hugging him. I stepped away just as quickly, shocked at my impulsiveness and my inability to control most of my actions. Carlisle simply smiled in return, offering me his hand once again. I took it as it was giving me the stability that I needed as my mind raced to grasp everything that this new life had placed at my feet.
We returned to the house, where Edward was waiting for us. He was pleased to see that I was calm and able to think clearly but hovered nearby just in case he was required. Upon entering the living room, I glanced at the furniture which was yet another hurtle that I needed to remove.
"Um Edward?" He gently touched my arm to let me know that he was there. Carlisle had gone to hunt as he needed to keep his strength up to make sure that I stayed in check. "Um, how do I sit?" I was glad that I could no longer blush as I was sure that my cheeks would be redder than a cooked lobster right now.
Edward was unable to hide he laugh and I hid my face behind my hair, embarrassed that I had to relearn things that a toddler could do.
"You just have to think about your movements. Concentrate on the idea that you want to sit, slowly. I broke six chairs before I got the hang of it so don't worry." He smiled as he leaned against the wall, waiting for me to try. I swallowed hard, wishing that Carlisle where here to help me. Yet I knew that depending on someone I had just met was wrong. I took a steadying breath, hoping it would calm me. Sadly, it did not. I walked over to the smaller of the two chairs and stood with my back towards it. I very slowly lowered myself into it, shocked when I hear a shattering noise. I was on my feet before I had registered what had happened. Turning around I saw that the chair was nothing more than a pile of rubble. I found myself stomping my foot and growling in frustration. Suddenly Edward had a hand on my arm.
"It's okay Esme, this is all new. Your body is much stronger and faster than it used to be. It takes time to adjust, do not be hard on yourself." I nodded as my frustration began to grow.
"Perhaps I should practice gentle movements first?" I looked to Edward for approval, needing to know that I was taking the proper steps.
"That sounds like a great place to start. Perhaps you could practice taking a glass out of the cupboards in the kitchen?" That idea sounded wonderful as I had always loved being in the kitchen.
"Cooking! Can we eat?!" I spun around on my toe and knocked Edward to the ground with my enthusiasm. He laughed heartily as he jumped to his feet.
"I am afraid not but I don't see why you can't cook. Perhaps Carlisle could bring it to work for the patients." He simply smiled at me, unfazed by my enthusiasm. I nodded, saddened by this detail but also happy to know that my talents could still be used. I carefully turned around this time and walked into the simple kitchen. Edward simply pointed to the cupboard that held the cups. In a flurry of movements, I stood by the sink, cupboard door broken off in my hand. Edward was doubled over laughing when I heard the front door open and close.
"What on earth is going on in here?" Carlisle walked into the kitchen and took in the scene. He let out a small giggle then straightened his face as he approached me. "Edward that's enough. Esme is trying. Do I need to remind you of the destruction you caused during your first year?"
Edward straightened and wiped the smirk off his face as he took a seat at the table. Carlisle took the door from me and set it on the counter.
"Now, what were you trying to do Esme?"
"I, I broke a chair trying to sit down so Edward and I thought that I could practice being gentle by taking a cup down from the cupboard. In my, um, excitement I tore the cupboard door off." I ducked my head behind my hair, waiting for the blow that I knew would come. Instead I heard a small laugh that gradually began to grow. I peeked out from behind my curtain of hair as Carlisle broke into a full body laugh. As soon as he was able to get it under control he looked me in the eye.
"There is nothing to be ashamed of Esme! Your strength is new and you must learn every aspect of it. I apologize for laughing but I was picturing the look on your face when you realized what you had done. How are you feeling?" I hesitated not sure what he meant then it dawned on me. My thirst.
"Actually I think I could go hunting again, if that's okay." Carlisle nodded, and Edward was out the door in an instant. It had only been three hours since my last meal but I found that my throat was beginning to burn once again. As soon as Edward returned we all went off into the woods.
Running was my new favorite thing to do, it felt close to flying. I could see everything as clear as if I was standing directly in front of it. I spotted squirrels chasing each other in a friendly fashion and giggled at the sight. Perhaps there was actually some good that could come of this life. Shortly after I scented something interesting, it smelled better than the deer but still off. I decided to follow the scent and suddenly heard a roar. I growled in response and leaped, sinking my teeth into its neck as I wrapped my arms around at the same time. Wrenching, I heard a crack. The flavor was better than the small bob cat and made the burning reduce. As I pulled my head back, I saw Carlisle standing barely three feet away, horror covering his face. Edward was next to him, holding him back, from me? I stood up and glanced down, shrieking when I realized what I had killed.
"A bear?!" I leapt back and began furiously rubbing my hands on the trousers hoping that I could remove any trace of it.
"Yes Esme and I must say you scared me. I did not expect you to go after something, so large." I watched as Edward let him go and he slowly approached me. He placed a hand on either arm and shook me, gently. "Never do that again." Before I could respond he was crushing me against him. He quickly broke away and then took my hand, leading me back to the house.
"Carlisle?" He turned his head a little so that I knew he was listening. "Would it be too much to ask for some clothing? I don't mind wearing Edward's old clothes but I would be much more comfortable in something better fitting." I grimaced, feeling awful for asking something of the people I had just met.
"Of course Esme. I shall go into town as soon as the stores open tomorrow and get you what you need. I'm afraid I am going to need your size though." I looked away still embarrassed to be in a house with two strange men.
"Could I write it down for the store clerk? I, I am not comfortable giving you that information." I slipped my hand out of his and stepped away, wanting to run.
"No Esme. You need to stay with us for at least the first year. After that it is up to you whether or not you decide to stay with Carlisle and I. For now, you are our responsibility. You can trust us." I looked at Edward still not understanding how he knew so much. It was like he could read my mind. "I can Esme. Carlisle did not want to mention it before simply because you had a lot of information to process. Some vampires have abilities that are considered supernatural. I can read minds and no I cannot turn it off or stop. Carlisle has a theory that our human traits that are very strong come through and are enhanced by the change. Not all abilities appear right away." He simply smiled at me as I opened and closed my mouth several times unsure what to say.
"Edward I think that is more than enough for Esme for today. Would you like to try the glasses again?" I nodded and quickly walked into the kitchen, wanting to be alone. I stopped in front of the open cupboard, still shocked that I had the strength to rip a door off without even trying. I was a monster that needed blood to survive, I was a killer. I had ended my own life and become a killer instead. God had certainly abandoned me completely this time.