Hello Readers, I apologize for the lack of updates lately but life has been in the way. I recently graduated from my first degree and then I got a student summer position that has been taking up most of my time. Finally, I have been planning my wedding! Anyways, I apologize for the time it had taken me to get this chapter to you! I shall try to update more often but no promises! Enjoy!
I sat in the car and let out a small sigh as I glanced out the window once again. Edward was sitting next to me, reading yet another book as we waited. I found my want to open the door and step into the world once again pulling at me. The smell of human had long gone stale within the car and I took a small breath to refill my lungs.
"Edward?" I glanced toward him as I hesitated, needing to express my desire. He glanced up, closing the book around his finger.
"Yes Esme?" He smiled, most likely because he had already seen what I wanted to ask.
"How long did it take you to be able to handle being around people? I so wish to be able to go shopping or even for a simple walk in town once again." I felt myself wringing my hands, an old habit when I had been afraid of what Charles would do. Edward reached over and placed a hand over mine.
"It took a while but I had things to distract me. I was young when Carlisle chose to turn me so my teenage mindset was still there when I woke up. I wanted to fight everything that now was but Carlisle had the patience to deal with me. I guess that I did not find the thirst to be the most challenging but rather dealing with hearing everyone's thoughts. Carlisle made the decision to move myself and he to a remote cabin where no one ever came until I learned how to handle his mental voice. Once I had achieved that we moved back to the home that he had originally lived in. It took time but it happened. You are young to this life Esme, be patient."
"I shall remember that when the trivial things begin to pull at me once again." He returned to hi book as I looked out the window. We had stopped in town for Carlisle to get the keys and sign the remaining papers to our new home. He had left Edward in the back seat with me in case my thirst overcame my ability to think rationally, Edward was there to restrain me. Carlisle had stopped twice on the way here to allow me to get out and stretch my legs. He was so patient with me, helping me to hunt and never allowing me to loose who I am.
I glanced towards the store shop and saw Carlisle shaking hands with the man who he had been talking to for the last half hour. He excited the store and nodded. I took a deep breath and stopped breathing altogether. He opened the door and slide into the car as quickly as he dared without drawing suspicion. As the door closed, I went to speak but Edward shook his head. The scent of human must have been too strong. Carlisle reached back and I took his hand, wishing he would speak. Something to fill this silence.
"So is everything in place Carlisle?" Edward smiled at me and I nodded in return, glad that he was a mind reader when I was unable to speak for myself. Frustration was beginning to be my most common companion lately. I hated that I now longed to kill others, when it was my deepest desire. I used to be such a gentle soul, someone who caught and released flies that got caught in the house.
"Esme?" Edwards's voice broke through my thoughts and I turned to look at him. His hand was over mine and he gently pulled my fingers out of the seat. I gasped as I realized that while I had been dwelling within my mind, I had been using the seat to release my frustrations. I stared down at the indent that I had created, horrified that I was now capable of inflicting such damage. I looked down at my perfect hands. The nails were perfectly rounded and just the right length to flatter my long, slender fingers. There was not a blemish in sight, from the perfect nail beds which used to be riddled with hangnails to the veins that barely showed beneath the flesh. If it could even be called flesh anymore. I had quickly discovered that the only thing capable of penetrating it was the teeth of another vampire. It had to be the hardest thing on the planet yet it looked so beautiful. I pulled away from Edward, trying to put as much space between us as I could. I had no desire to be comforted or spoken to right now.
I watched each tree move by as we drove further and further out of town. The houses became further and further apart until I was looking at just the tree's that surrounded the road. Carlisle slowed the car, turning down a long and winding driveway with a simple mailbox marking the where the turn off was. Number eight-hundred and sixty-five was where I now resided. I had no idea what story Carlisle had made up for the agent that he purchased the home from. He couldn't say that I was his wife, no that would be wrong especially in his mind. Yet I would never be able to pass as his sister. Perhaps he said that Edward and I were his adopted children, or his niece and nephew. I blew some air out my nose wanting to run. Just run.
The handle was in my hand before I even had a moment to think. I heard Edward yell something behind me but I was already gone. I kicked my shoes off and pushed myself even harder. I had no desires right now beyond running. I needed something that allowed me to escape from who I now was. The Esme that I had always been seemed so far away, as if she was creeping further and further out of my grasp with each passing moment. I took a small breath, praying to whoever was listening, that there would be no humans near by. Instead, I got a whiff of the salty ocean. I turned myself towards it, wanting to go and wade through the shallows, allowing the water to seep into my dead skin. As soon as the moss was replaced by sand under my feet, I slowed to a walk. Thankfully the sun had gone down over and hour ago so there would be no people about. I felt this despair beginning to rise up within me as human Esme slipped away. If I had been able to cry I know that I would have been sobbing. Yet my eyes remained dry. I walked as quickly as I dared to the edge of the water, sighing as the wave sloshed over my toes and up to my ankles. It was cold, colder than I now was and the feeling that it created was a sense of relief.
I heard hushed footsteps on the edge of the forest but for once, I didn't care. This was the carefree me that had existed before Charles had ever arrived on the scene. I slowly began walking in one direction keeping my gaze down, looking for shells. I had wanted to create my mother a lamp shade out of them when I was younger. Yet we never went to the sea often enough for me to able to collect them. I smiled as I spotted the first one. I bent, slipping my fingers beneath the waves and using the very tips of two fingers to pull it out of the water. I let out a laugh as I placed it on my palm, unbroken. I had done it. I was holding an extremely delicate object in my hands and I had not broken it. The triumph that arose within me was astounding. I spun in a circle, admiring each line within the shell, amazed at the detail such a tiny object could hold. As I came to a stop I looked up to see Carlisle and Edward carefully watching me from the sand. I smiled at them and beckoned Carlisle forward, wanting to share this milestone with him. He slipped his shoes off and waded into the water, sliding his hand under my open one, looking at the prize that I needed to share with him. He smiled, but the look on his face showed me that he did not truly understand why this small shell made me so happy.
"It didn't break Carlisle. For the first time since I have awoken, I preserved this beauty. These hands, these perfect hands kept it in tact when they were made to destroy. Its perfect." I looked into his eyes, pleading that he would understand where I was coming from. He smiled in response and brought my free hand to his lips, kissing it gently.
"Well then, we should find a few more." He wrapped an arm around my waist, gently guiding me forward. We both kept our heads down, stopping to admire the small fish as they swam by or the crab as it hunted for its dinner. When I paused to either watch something or try and pick up another shell, he never rushed me. He simply held onto me, allowing me to know that this was alright. That these tiny moments were real and that all the good had not gone when I had awakened. Instead, I could make sure that goodness prevailed, using the eternity that had been granted to me to do so.
As the moon was beginning to set, Edward was no where to be seen. I smiled as Carlisle slipped the last shell into his shirt pocket which was the only one not bulging from my collection. We walked hand in hand to the edge of the woods where a jar sat open, the lid placed next to it.
Edward. Thank you.
Carlisle slipped all of the shells into the jar, being careful to not break a single one. I watched as he gently slipped them into it, one at a time, sliding them down the side so they didn't smash into the bottom. This man amazed me every time I looked at him, every time that he did something like this, that he stayed with me, his newest creation, his child, and loved what I loved. He now looked at the shells as something precious, just like I did. Carlisle was a man like no other and I knew that he loved with everything that was within him.
He cradled the jar in one arm, offering his free hand to me. I took it, smiling as I slipped my smaller hand into his. I smiled again as his large, yet slender fingers, wrapped around mine. Our temperatures where the same and yet he was a little warmer then I was, a warmth that perhaps came from within him, from his heart. As we began to run back home, trying to make sure that we stayed away from the sun. As Carlisle slowed, I slipped behind me, needing something between me and the reality that I would once again be facing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, placing all of my trust within Carlisle's hands.
"Open your eyes Esme." Carlisle's voice was soft and I knew that he was whispering, trying not to startle me. I took one more breath and opened my eyes, gasping at the scene before me. A two story simply Victorian home stood before me. It had a wrap around veranda and a swing for two. I smiled as I spotted the hummingbirds that were carved into the swing. They were my favorite and Edward must have told Carlisle at one point. There were two rose bushes and a beautiful Lilac plant framing the front of the house. Towards the back was a small shed that had been recently turned into a gardening shed and I laughed out loud at the dream that stood in front of me. My dream was sitting right in front of me.
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CharlesPOV
I stared at the two tombstones next to each other in this small town's graveyard. It was placed behind the small town Church that had to be at least three or four hundred year's old. Most of the tombstones in this area where old, covered in moss with the writing fading away. Except the two that stood directly in front of me. Thomas Carlisle Cullen. Where on earth had she come up with that awful middle and last name?! I spat on the child's grave, angered that Esme had dared to give MY child another man's last name. Another man's last name. That cheating bitch! She must have slept with someone when I was not home or around. She had given birth to another man's child. I glared at the grave as my anger grew Next to it was Esme's grave but I knew that it wasn't right. I had been bringing her photo around and someone swore that he had seen her in a car with two other men, leaving town. I would find that two timing whore if it was the last thing I ever did. I would beat her for daring to sleep with another man, most likely in our home!
I walked away from the graveyard and back to my car, slamming the door after me. I looked over onto the seat next to me and smiled, pleased that I had been able to convince her family that someone had taken her while she was vulnerable. I told that them that she had made a friend, a pen pal while I had been at war. Another young wife who was able to give my Esme the outlet and something to take her mind off the fact that I was fighting. When I had come back, she received a letter that her friend was having a difficult time adjusting to life as both a new mother and a widow. So with my blessing, Esme had packed a bag and gone off to be with this woman. Yet she never arrived. At least, that's what her parents believed. They were like butter on a hot day, so malleable and easy to make believe whatever lies fell off my tongue. I would find Esme, punish her for daring to have sex with another man and then leaving me. I would make her submit to me and then bring her home, raising a story that I had found her and saved her but she would need time to heal from all she had been through. She would never see anyone. Ever. Again.