"And that would be next summer?" Lindsay asked, running her fingers through her hair while her mom chattered on the other end of the phone.
"Yes, probably in August before everyone goes back to school. Do you think you guys could come?"
"We'd have to talk about it. We were planning on Arizona next year but we might be able to figure out a way to do both."
"Well don't feel like you have to, but it would be nice for you to catch up with some of your cousins."
"Yeah it would," she agreed as Austin walked into the room and flopped down on the bed. "I'll talk to Adam about it and we'll try to figure something out."
"Okay honey. I'll let you go so you can get back to your vacation. I love you."
"Love you too mom. Bye."
She hung up the phone and raised her eyebrows at Austin whose hair was an untamable entity this morning.
"Hello."
"Hey."
"You came to visit?"
"The kids are loud and it's quiet in here."
"Well it was."
"Shut up. Hey why did Adam leave at like eleven last night?"
"He had to go to the store and pick something up."
"What?"
"What do you think he had to go to the store to get late at night?"
"Ice-cream?"
"You cannot be this clueless."
"What?" she asked slowly before realization dawned on her. "Oh ew! Why do I even ask questions anymore?"
Lindsay chuckled as Austin pretended to gag.
"Gross! He had to do to the store that late… for that? You didn't pack enough? Sickos!"
"I did pack enough but I couldn't find them."
"Avery's probably squirreling them away, thinking they're candy."
"You jest, but it's very possible."
"Oh wait, and then you used them? On this bed? Gross!"
She jumped off the bed and brushed her clothes off as if she was infested with something. Lindsay just laughed and shook her head.
"When you're done being thirteen…"
"I could have gone without knowing that. Couldn't you two hold off for one night?"
"We could have but we decided not to."
"Okay I don't need to hear this."
"Apparently you've never been married before. Prude."
"Yeah whatever. Are you going to get out of bed?"
"You said it was loud out there."
"Well yeah, but it's a normal loud. The faster we get the kids fed and dressed the faster the guys will take them to the flight museum and the faster we can go do our girl thing."
"Okay, okay. I'm getting in the shower," she said, throwing the blankets off and getting out of bed.
"Hurry up! No excessive posing."
"Oh my word," Lindsay muttered, escaping into the bathroom and shutting the door while Austin giggled and made her way back into the kitchen.
"Okay so I burned the eggs a little, but it wasn't my fault!" Danny was saying while Adam threw the offending breakfast into the sink and turned the water on so it would stop burning.
"You burned them a little? It's like you tried to offer it up as a sacrifice to the chicken gods!"
Austin snorted a laugh and stood in the door, watching the argument play out.
"What, you've never burned somethin' before?"
"Yeah, I just did it with a little less flaming baton fanfare than you did."
"Oh come on, it's not like I started the Great Chicago Fire!"
"Yeah, but only because we don't happen to be in Chicago."
"Well you could always just make more eggs, since you're so perfect."
"First of all I'm not perfect, I just don't cook with a scorched earth policy. Second of all, we are now out of eggs."
"Well you could always run to the store and pick up another dozen," Austin said. "I hear you're good at running to the store when you're down to the wire."
His eyes grew wide and his face colored.
"You're not allowed to speak to my wife ever again."
Austin chuckled and walked across the kitchen, kissing Danny and patting his face.
"I still like you, even if you burned the eggs."
"Yeah, tell that to Cupcake over there."
"I don't think I want Cupcake kissin' you honey."
"We gonna eat soon?" Isa asked, coming into the room with her hands on her hips.
"Yeah, as soon as I can clear up this culinary tragedy, Princess," Adam replied.
"Why does it smell in here?"
"Because your dad burned the eggs."
"Well that was very dangerous, daddy. You'd better let Uncle Dum cook next time," she advised before skipping back into the living room with the rest of the kids.
"Geez, you even turned my own kid against me."
"She is pretty smart."
"You just stand there and cook, pretty boy, and I'll have a moment with my wife."
"Yeah, just don't be gross. Kitchens are supposed to be sanitary."
"Ooh, hear that honey? We just got told, and now have permission to scram out of here to somewhere far secluded from the kitchen."
"Leaving Adam with the cooking and child responsibilities. Only seems fair after the way he treated you."
"Whatever guys," Adam chuckled, starting a new round of breakfast. "I can handle it."
"Daddy! Cole say I'm dumb!" Ben hollered, coming into the room. "He said I say stuffs are up when they are down 'cuz I am arguin' about stuff I don't know! I am not dumb!"
"Colton, don't call your brother dumb."
"But daddy, he said that the ocean water is blue and I said it's the sky reflection and he said no the water is really blue!"
"Okay, you're right but he didn't know that. He's not dumb, he just hasn't been in school to learn it."
"Then why did he argue with me?"
"Because you're both stubborn like your mama. And now you're going to apologize for calling him dumb."
"But-"
"No buts. And while you're at it, why don't you teach him why the ocean is blue instead of calling him dumb for not knowing."
Colton sighed and placed his hand on Ben's shoulder.
"Okay look Ben, you are not dumb. But the water in the ocean is not blue. It looks blue from the reflection of the sky. Like how a mirror doesn't got your face on it unless your face is there to be reflected on it. Get it?"
"Yep, I do. I just don't like when you say I am dumb."
"Sometimes I forget that you don't know things I know because you don't go to school. You are pretty smart about some stuff, Ben."
"I am?"
"Yeah, you know more about dinosaurs than me."
"Yep, that's the truth."
"I will not call you dumb no more and I will try to understand, okay?"
"Okay. I will listen when you tell me stuffs."
"It's a deal. There daddy, are you happy with us now?"
"Yeah, go play."
They ran off into the other room and Austin laughed.
"They sure have learned to fight civilly, huh?"
"They're very mature!"
"Lin, hurry it up!" Austin shouted from the running car. She was getting impatient to leave for Hatteras Island. They were going to be girly and visit the house from Nights in Rodanthe, but they were mostly planning on visiting the lighthouse and spending a few hours just going wherever the wind went.
"I'm trying, but I have a child that doesn't want me to leave," Lindsay answered from the front door, while Avery held on to her leg and cried. "Adam, will you come get your daughter?"
"No mama! No bye! Avery go!"
"Baby, I'll be back later."
"No! Mama!"
"Go with daddy. I love you."
Avery tipped her head back and wailed as loudly as she could while Lindsay slipped out the door and into the car. She was doing it mostly for attention and Adam felt a little bad for her, but mostly annoyed as he took her back into the house. She scrambled down from his arms and ran over to the couch where Colton and Isa were sitting and hopped up between them.
"Aves, we're tryna have a talk," Colton said with a sigh. "You can sit here but don't interrupt me, okay?"
Avery nodded and wiped her theatrical tears away, watching the big kids closely as they tied their shoes.
"What are you worried about, Colt?" Isa asked, continuing their private conversation.
"You know how my mama always says I am just like my daddy?"
"Yep."
"Well what if I am like his daddy too? What if I am a mean like that?"
"You won't be like that, Colt. You love people too much."
"What if I change when I get older? What if I become a daddy and then I find out that I am actually a really mean person and I hurt people?"
"Colt. You won't do that. Your daddy didn't do that. Your daddy loves you and Ben and Avery a lot and he would never hurt you right?"
"Yeah."
"And you learned how to be a daddy from him and he teached you right. You won't be mean like that Colt. You aren't that kind of person."
"Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am real mean to Ben."
"That's because he's your brother and he is kind of frustrating sometimes."
"Yeah, but that's no excuse. He is my little brother and I love him a lot and I don't know why I sometimes don't have patience with him."
"I think everybody makes mistakes, Colt. And Ben knows you love him. Sometimes he could be mean too. All of us can be mean no matter how much we love each other. Like how our daddies pick on each other and how our moms say they hate each other sometimes. Or how that one time Daniel sat his naked butt right on Ben's face. He wasn't bein' mean, he just needed somewhere to sit. Or even how you and me get in yellin' fights a lot. It's not because I don't love you with all my entire heart."
"Yeah. I guess maybe if I am careful I will not be a person like that."
"You're not a person like that, Colt," she assured once again, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "You're a person like you. And I love you."
"I love you too, Isa. For all the days."
"And Avery?" the little girl asked, looking up at him hopefully.
"Of course I love you, Aves! You are precious and beautiful!"
She grinned and he kissed her soundly, then hugged her tightly.
"I could never be mean to Aves. She is so cute I want to just eat her right up."
"Ew Colt, you can't eat people!"
"Well that's the only way I know how to make that come outta my head!"
"Oh dear," Isa sighed as Ben and Junior ran by screaming. "I just don't understand boys. Do you understand boys Avery?"
"I food," Avery responded, patting her belly before sliding off the couch. "Sayuh!"
"I'm right here, Averylin," Sarah said, coming around the corner. Avery ran to her and tackled her with a hug that knocked her to the floor. Colton and Isa burst into laughter for a moment, then got up to make sure Sarah was okay. She was laughing, but pinned under Avery who was happily professing her love for her best friend. Colton and Isa helped them up as Ben and Junior came to see what all the commotion was about.
"Well, I think that means it's time for a group hug, kids," Colton decided, opening his arms wide. The rest of the kids followed suit and they stood like that for a bit, just holding onto each other.
"Love!" Avery shouted finally, breaking away to clap her hands.
"Yep Aves, that's love."
"It's so much easier to enjoy the great outdoors when you don't have multiple children pulling on your hands and begging to show you the great outdoors off in the other direction."
Lindsay chuckled and adjusted her sunglasses as she looked out over the water, watching as the waves crashed onto the shore.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good. It's nice to be able to just stop for a while, you know?"
"Definitely."
They sat like that for a while longer, until Austin couldn't stand the silence anymore.
"We haven't talked in a while."
"About what?"
"Things of consequence."
Lindsay pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her cheek on them, turning to look at Austin.
"What's up, Goose?"
"If that makes you Maverick, I take offense because Goose dies."
"I called you Goose, not Gooseman, therefore it's a nickname not a prediction."
"Well then I accept."
Lindsay chuckled and glanced down at her wedding ring, making a mental note to get it cleaned when they got home.
"So then Detective Austin Grace Messer, wife of Danny, mother of Isabeth, Sarah and Daniel, strong of bone and sly of wit…"
"I do hereby bequeath to you all the sand that is stuck to the bottom of my foot at this moment."
"I don't know what to say, this is so unexpected."
Austin chuckled and raked her hair back from her face, grimacing at how frizzy it was.
"So how's your brain?"
"Still sloshing around in there," Lindsay answered with a grin. "I know what you're getting at, Aust and I'm okay. Do I not seem okay?"
"You seem fine, but you always seem fine before things happen."
"Nothing's gonna happen. I'm alright. I'm a little nervous about how things are going to turn out, but other than that, everything's fine."
"I guess I just expect a little more… angst or something."
"I think what happened really put things in perspective. It's hard to feel sad or depressed about anything when I know that I have my son back. Everything else seems so insignificant in comparison."
"Yeah. I'm really proud of him for how he's dealing with it. He seems very level headed and willing to talk about it."
"He is."
Austin hesitated for a moment, not sure she wanted to say what needed to be said. She'd never had to bring up something like this and she wasn't exactly sure how to go about it.
"Linds… you know I love Colton, right?"
"Yeah," Lindsay answered, more like a question.
"I'm kind of worried about him."
"Why?"
"He's just changed so much Linds. Three months ago he was the happiest kid on the planet. He'd spin around in circles and jump in puddles and put a box on his head and pretend he was an astronaut. He used to almost knock me over when he hugged me, he was always telling the rest of the kids that he loved them. He was always laughing and teasing and dancing and you couldn't be around him and keep your bad mood. But something changed, Linds. He's not like that anymore."
"A lot of things happened to him, Austin."
"I know that. And some of the way he's behaving is fine. I just don't see a little boy when I look at him anymore. He's so hard and tough and straight-laced all the sudden. I love him so much and I don't want to see him lose that innocence he had once. I know you might not want to hear that and I don't want you to think I'm attacking you or anything, but you guys need to do something to help him."
"I know. And we are trying, but it's been hard for him to figure out where he belongs. He feels like he doesn't have much in common with the kids anymore, but he knows he's not an adult. He doesn't ask us what we're talking about anymore, or ask for explanations. He says he doesn't want to know grownup things anymore, it's just too sad. I don't want him to feel like that. I want him to be excited to grow up, but I don't want him to do it to fast and I don't want him to be jaded about the world."
"Everything feels off balance, doesn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Are you and Adam talking about it much?"
"Yeah, we are. We've been good about talking about it every day. He doesn't know what to do any more than I do."
"Have you talked to anyone else?"
"Yeah. He's been seeing Emily every two weeks, but he's reacting so differently than most kids that she's not sure how to help him. You know most kids that are abused are either scared or angry about it. Most kids that are kidnapped are terrified it will happen again. Colton's just sad. It's such a different situation and a different reaction for him that no one really knows how to help him and we're just doing it a day at a time."
"Why didn't you tell me, Lin? You know how much I love him and you know I would do anything for him. Why didn't you ask me for help?"
"It's hard to know what to say. We don't even know what he needs, really. It helps a lot when everything is just kind of normal like it is right now. He seems better this week, doesn't he?"
"Yeah. He still gets that look in his eyes sometimes though. It's like he's in another place."
"The thing is Aust, I don't think things will ever go back to the way they were. He's never going to forget it and he's never going to be able to stop his new way of looking at things. I hope that as time goes on he softens a little, but I don't know if that's going happen."
"It definitely changed him."
"What would you do?"
"I don't know Linds. I guess you just keep showing him that there are more good things in life than bad things. Listen when he wants to talk about it but don't force him when he doesn't. I know that the best thing is time. What did Adam say about it?"
"He said that after he and his mom left he didn't talk about it for a long time. It wasn't until he was in college that he talked about it to her and other than that he didn't tell anyone but me."
"It's easier to keep it a secret and try to forget than it is to confront it."
Lindsay was quiet, closing her eyes and sighing while Austin reached over and squeezed her shoulder.
"You and Adam are amazing parents. Colton is going to be just fine. He knows how much you love him and he knows that what happened to him and to Adam and to me is not normal and it doesn't happen to most kids. Once the trial is over I think he will be a lot better."
"I hope so."
The conversation was ended by mutual yet silent agreement and Austin laid back in the sand, staring up at the sky. She was reminded of their trip to Montana almost two years ago, several days in which she had been introduced to the sky and mountains in a way she never had before. The thought was relaxing and she was sinking into it and her eyes were drooping before her mind snapped awake again.
"Hey Lin?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell me something you've never told anyone before."
"Never told anyone? I've told you or Adam everything."
"Are you sure? There's got to be something."
Lindsay laid back in the sand and thought for a few minutes before finally coming up with something.
"I got in a bar fight once."
"What?"
"Yeah. When I was all messed up, me and my friend Griff drove out of town to this bar-"
"Is this the time you thought the rocks were bacon bits?"
"No, and I am going to kill Adam for telling you that."
"It's a good story. I don't think I've ever been drunker."
"Anyway," Lindsay sighed, narrowing her eyes. "We were in this bar playing pool, and of course its in the middle of nowhere Montana so they aren't exactly big on checking ID's anyway. This big nasty guy comes up to me and wants to dance and I told him no. He starts calling me all these names and trying to grab me and Griff is of course chickening out, so I shoved the guy pretty hard and he starts cussing and he grabs my arm so I took my beer bottle and broke it over the table and shoved it pretty close to his face. And he backed off and we ran out of there but not before he chucked a chair at us."
"I love you a little more than I did two minutes ago."
"I thought you might."
"I really wish we would have known each other back then. We would have had way too much fun for our own good."
"We might have got ourselves killed."
"Would have had fun doing it though."
"Life would have been fun if we knew each other then, but what if that meant we couldn't know each other now?"
"Then I would reject it. I love you too much now to chance you back then."
"I think I need you more now than I ever needed you then even though back then I would have killed for someone like you."
"You just put two mediocre song lyrics in that sentence."
"I am nothing if not a possessor of mad skills."
"Lindsay Ross, I love you so frickin' much."
"Who wants popcorn?" Adam asked, setting the large bowl down on the floor in front of the kids. They didn't answer him, just dove practically head first into the bowl.
"Yikes, piranhas," he said, backing away and joining Lindsay on the couch.
"Yeah, you gotta be careful of their teeth and their desire for blood."
"They're insane. When are Austin and Danny getting back?"
"Hopefully not for quite a while. They haven't had a real date in a long time."
"We're on bedtime duty for six kids?"
"We've done it before."
"Yeah, I guess."
She smiled and shook her head, then pulled his arms around her.
"Well it's our turn tomorrow, so don't begrudge them any time lest you want karma to come back and have it's way with us, in something akin to the second date pie snafu."
"Hey, that date was pretty good. And I think number three made up for the misunderstanding."
"Yes, however, the possibility of disaster was still there. And I don't want to tempt fate."
"So you're talking about something more like the sixth date chow mein imbroglio."
"I thought we were never going to speak of that again."
"I didn't speak of it," he said, kissing the top of her head. "I referenced it."
"Oh well, let's just split hairs over it then."
"Hey, now you're the one reenacting it."
She laughed and reached around to pinch his side while Ben screamed and jumped up from the floor.
"Oh no, the kitty! Oh no!"
"I didn't think Milo and Otis would be too intense for him."
"Our son is kind of a wimp," Lindsay chuckled as Ben hid his head under a blanket and Junior pleaded with him to come out because the scary part was over.
"It's okay, Binyin. That catty did not drowned! It is safe in a box. And there is a lot of movie left, it is too much time for a catty funeral."
"I jus' don't want that cat to die. It looks like Chewy."
"It won't die, Binyin. The movie is named after the cat and the dog. It will be okay. Now come out of there and sit by me."
"Okay Dunner."
The boys moved back to the floor and all the kids kept a close eye on the movie, except for Avery who ate most of the popcorn then fell asleep with her head in the bowl. Lindsay got up from the couch and picked up her sleeping daughter, wiping the kernels from her face before taking her into the kids bedroom, checking her diaper and carefully tucking her in.
"Goodnight baby dear. I love you."
Avery yawned and opened her eyes, letting a sleepy smile crack across her face.
"Mama."
"Go back to sleep, darling. I'll see you in the morning."
"Love mama. Avery do."
"I love you too. Sleep good, Sarah will be in later."
Avery cuddled down into the bed and Lindsay tucked her in tightly, then slipped out of the room.
"Ready for round two?" Adam asked as she came back into the room. "The boys are sacked out."
She picked up Junior and he grabbed Ben, and they walked quietly into the bedroom, putting both sleepy little boys into their beds and tucking them in.
"Lin?"
"Yes guy?"
"My ma come in an' see me?"
"I'll send her in as soon as she gets home."
"Night Lin."
"Night sweetie."
They went out to the living room once again and had no sooner settled into the couch than Sarah climbed up and snuggled between them, bringing her blanket with her.
"Are you okay Sarahlove?"
"Yes. Just a little cold. Uncle Adam is always warm."
"Yeah, he is."
It wasn't long before Colton and Isa had joined them on the couch and soon after that both girls were asleep.
"Hey Colton, can I talk to you?" Lindsay asked, brushing Isa's hair back from her face.
"Okay mama, but I am a little tired."
"I just want to check in."
He nodded and rested his head against Adam's shoulder as the movie credits rolled.
"I been talkin' to Isa 'bout lots of stuff. She is smart. She helps me."
"Is there anything you want to talk to us about?"
"Well I do wanna say thank you for bringing us on this vacation. It makes me feel better."
"That's good. I think it makes all of us feel better."
"I don't want to forget the bad stuff," he continued. "But if that's all I think about, I will not enjoy this vacation. That's what Isa told me in the car. I am trying to not think about it so much and I am still having fun. So it is good for me. I am kind of afraid that when we go home I won't be able to do that no more."
"Once you make it a habit, you can," Adam noted. "It's important for you to remember that you're still a kid and you have to trust the people that are older and wiser than you to do everything they can to fix things. Whatever we can't get done, then that's your responsibility. But until then, you don't need to worry about it."
"Jo told me that I could have compassion for the kids."
"Yeah, that would be a good idea."
"This is really hard for me to deal with," he said with another yawn. "Sometimes I dream about Ben and Avery getting hurt. Those dreams make me scared, but I learned that I don't have to think about them during the day. I need to think about real life. Plus I made a decision. I think that if the bad man goes to jail for what he did to me, then just between us, we could say that he is in jail for what he did to you too, daddy. I think that will make us all feel better. For him to have justice for the bad things he's done."
"I think you're right, son."
"I know I can't save all the kids, but if just one bad guy goes to jail, then that's a point for us good guys."
"I guess that's right."
"It is right. Now I need to go to bed."
"Yes you do."
They carried the girls in and tucked them in, then both leaned down into the bottom bunk to kiss their son.
"I love you, Colton. Don't forget that you promised to always be our little boy."
He nodded and smiled.
"You just keep remindin' me and we will all be fine."