A/N: Ben is the freaking funniest kid ever. I cannot get enough of that fictional little dude.
"Hey kids, it's mornin' in the swamp!" Ben hollered, sitting up in his bed and looking around the room. All he could see were sleepy blobs and he grabbed his glasses, putting them on and adjusting his eyes to the light.
"Hey, is you kids gonna get up?" he asked again, throwing back his blankets.
"Up, Ben!" Avery said, rolling over and giving him a huge smile. "Story?"
She slid out of her bed and crawled into his, snuggling up to his side while the other kids slept.
"I will tell you a story sissy, but it's gonna be one I not maked up, okay?"
"Okay Ben."
"Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a girl what was off to see her gramma," he started, twisting one of Avery's curls around his finger while he spoke. "This girls name was Little Red Riding Hood. Her name was that for she wore a red riding hood. I not sure what that is, but that's what mama said. Anyway sissy, this Little Red Riding Hood was off to see her gramma. And she was skippin' in them there woods and this ol' wolf seen her and he wanted to gobble her up so he runned to her gramma's house faster and he growed a big ol' beanstalk and he made the gramma go up there to see the giant what said "Fe Fi Fo Fum, I smelled the blood what's of a Englishman!" And then the wolf got in the gramma's clothes just when Riding Hood came to the house. And she opened the door and he pretended to be the gramma because Riding Hood looked good to eat. And Riding Hood knowed what was going on and her said "Mr. Wolf, I will huff and I will puff and I will blow your house down!" And the wolf done said "Not by the hair of this chinny chinny chin!" And then Red Riding Hood, well she climbed up that beanstalk and rescued her gramma from that giant, and then they followed their bread trail back to the house where they was saved from that giant and where they throwed that wolf in the oven. The end."
"Wolf, Ben? Bad?"
"Yeah, that wolf is bad. He likes to eat people. You will be careful and not go in no woods by yourself on the way to gramma's house. You will take a grown up with you."
"Okay Ben."
"I love you, sissy. That's why I tell you this cautionary tale."
She nodded and chewed on her pacifier thoughtfully before popping it out of her mouth and inspecting it.
"Avery see mama daddy. Bye Ben."
She rolled off the bed and started to toddle out of the room, but he called her name when she was halfway out the door. She turned back and looked at him with a grin and he chuckled.
"Diaper's saggin' sissy."
She grinned and pulled it up before waddling out of the room.
"Hey there Binyin. I heared that story you were telling to sissy."
"I like to tell stories. I just wish she would not smell so bad when she comes and snuggles in my bed."
"I could smell her all the way up here," Junior agreed, leaning down from the top bunk to look at Ben. "I don't know how Sarah shared a bed with her all night long."
"I plugged my nose," Sarah said with a yawn. "Until I falled asleep."
"Mama says Aves smells because she sleeps hot and because she wears those diapers all night," Colton explained. "She won't stink so much once she gets potty trained."
"Well that better be soon because she stunk up this whole entire kids room!" Isa giggled.
"Yep she did. You know what I was thinking? We should go make breakfast for all the parents because they have been making food for us this entire vacation."
"Hey, that's a good idea Colt! Maybe we can even deliver it to them!"
The kids hopped out of bed excitedly, and made their way into the kitchen, not realizing that it was just after five in the morning and their parents would more than likely not be happy to be woken up. Colton and Isa climbed up onto the counters and found bowls then handed them down to the rest of the kids who had already grabbed spoons.
"What kind of oatmeal will they want?" Isa asked, looking at the box of microwave fruit oatmeal.
"I dunno. We can surprise them."
They poured some of every flavor into each of the four bowls, then added some water and stuck them in the microwave.
"We doing a good job," Ben noted, nodding his head and pulling four napkins off the table to fold.
"Yeah. They will be proud and not hungry," Junior agreed.
Once the food was done, the kids grabbed bowls to take to their parents and set off down the dark hallway.
"Hey mama, daddy," Colton said, pushing the door open with his food while Ben followed him slowly so he wouldn't spill the bowl he had. "We made breakfast."
"Oh great," Adam croaked, having just fallen back to sleep after Avery joined them. "I love breakfast before the sun is even up."
"Here you go, daddy," Ben yawned, handing him the tepid bowl. "It's lots of flavors."
"Awesome."
"Here mama- No, Aves, this is for mama not you!"
Avery shrieked and fell down onto the bed, burying her face in the blankets and crying.
"Her done got up too early," Ben observed, watching the way his sister kicked her legs. "And she love her food too much."
"Avery, here you can share with me," Lindsay said, hoping there wasn't too much pleading in her voice. Avery sat up happily and wiped her tears away before stealing the spoon and taking a huge bite of the oatmeal.
"Daddy, was I a foodaholic like mama says sissy is?" Ben asked, settling in between his parents.
"No, not really. You sure raised a stink if anyone took it away from you though."
"Well I don't like stealers."
Adam chuckled and handed his bowl of oatmeal to Lindsay as she wasn't going to get hers back from Avery any time soon.
"Well dudes, what should we do today?"
"We get to pick?" Colton asked, his eyes wide. "I will go ask Isa-"
"Put the brakes on, little man."
"Why?"
"Because, today the Messers Five are going to do their own thing and we are going to do ours."
"But… I thought this was a family vacation for all of us!"
"It is, but we thought it would be a good idea to be smaller families for a day."
"Oh. Well could we find a place to play tiny golf? And skee-ball?"
"And pizza!" Ben chimed in excitedly.
"Maybe daddy can find a place like that," Lindsay suggested. Adam picked up his phone and opened the browser on it, taking less than a minute to find something that would please the boys.
"Okay looks like we've got a plan then. This place doesn't open until ten so why don't we all go back to sleep for a few hours?"
"Because everyone else is up already," Colton reasoned. "Could we watch cartoons on that TV?"
"Maybe if you watch quietly and let me and mama sleep some more," Adam agreed, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on. The kids were immediately entranced by a superhero cartoon, leaving their parents to snooze until the morning was a little brighter.
"Hey Ben, which ball is yours? Is it the blue and mine is green?"
"Yeah. Daddy's is red. Mama and sissy have pink."
"I keep forgettin' but you always remember."
"Yep, I do. Show me how do this again?"
"Put your ball on that little hole there. It will hold it steady remember?"
"Steady, yeah. And I push the ball gentle, not hit it, right?"
"Yeah. If you do it at an angle you can almost get it around the corner and closer to the hole. See what I mean?"
"Like this?" Ben asked, hitting the ball softly and watching it roll towards the hole, bouncing off the brick barrier.
"Yeah, just like that! Good job Ben! Now it is mama and Avery's turn."
Lindsay sat the ball down and helped Avery hit it towards the hole, surprised it actually went in the direction she intended. Avery ran towards the ball laughing and picked it up, replacing it on the ground at the start of the green.
"More!" she said with a smile. "Mama, 'gain!"
"Aves, that is not how you play tiny-golf," Colton said with a roll of his eyes, which Ben mimicked.
"Honey, it's mini-golf," Lindsay said. "Or putt-putt golf if that's easier."
"Butt-butt gowf!" Avery laughed, waving her hands in the air in excitement.
"C'mon kids, people are stacking up. Let's move to the next hole," Adam said, leading them to the outdoor part of the course. Ben looked around the course and surveyed the green carefully while Adam and Colton played through. Lindsay was busy arguing with Avery over the proper way to hold a club and Ben waited for them to be quiet so he could putt in peace.
"Okay folks, this be it," he said to himself, feeling very much like the sports announcers he'd seen on TV the last time he'd been over at the Flacks to play with Teagan and Liam. "Ben Ross is gonna hit him that hole in one. He needs aplete silence. The difficulty is a bajillionty. Par eighty ninety twody."
Determined to get his ball in the hole, he lined up the shot and took a deep breath. The ball rolled faster than he wanted it to, over the tiny hills and just to the turn, bouncing off the bricks and backwards, almost up one of the hills again.
"Well George, this sucks for Ben Ross. A rookie in this game, he ain't no Tiger Woods. No Bill, him sure is not."
Lindsay was laughing so hard she almost dropped Avery and Adam had to turn his back on his sons in order to regain his composure.
"That's okay, Ben. You still got the best form of any duffer I'd ever seen. Duffer's what they call golf dudes."
"Oh. Sissy, you gonna take your turn?"
Avery nodded and squirmed from Lindsay's arms walking over to the hole and dropping the ball into it.
"Avery win!"
"No sissy, you gotta do it with this club!"
"Oh!"
She ran back to Lindsay and got the club, then held it over her head as she ran back to the ball.
"Lookit, sissy looks like a warrior."
"Goin' into battle with her weapon," Colton agreed with a chuckle as Avery pulled the ball out of the hole then swept it back in with her club. "Well that's one cheatin' way to do it. I guess her score just don't count this time."
Avery watched them as they talked, then got distracted by her sandals, crouching down to pick at the flower on them. Certainly mini-golf wasn't really her thing, but it was hard to make all three kids of varying ages happy, and easier to keep Avery entertained while the boys did their thing.
"Let's go to the next hole, Ben. Maybe by the time we are done we will be real good golfers."
"Yeah. Then we could be in magazines!"
"On the cover! I will stand like this and you will stand like that and we will look at the camera very serious."
"Babe, why are our kids so weird?" Adam asked, watching as Avery tried to stand on her head.
"I don't have an answer for that. I just resign myself to utter amazement."
"Averylin Grace we do not stand up on tables!" Lindsay reprimanded, taking her daughter off of the table and putting her into a high chair.
"No mama!"
"I said you could sit with the boys if you were good and you most definitely were not good. And I don't want to hear any whining about it either."
Avery crossed her arms and stared down at the pepperoni on her plate. They didn't have pizza very often so she should have been excited about it, but she was too upset about being sentenced to the high chair to even care about the food placed before her.
"You know, I like pizza when we're lookin' out at the beach," Colton mused. "It makes me think that life is just fine and dandy. Do you think we could live in North Carolina for all the days?"
"I wish we could honey. Maybe when you grow up you could live here."
"Oh maybe I can. I didn't know I had that choice. I will ask Isa if she will come with me."
"You know buddy, you don't have to only do things that Isa does too," Adam reminded him, stealing the rejected sausage off of Lindsay's plate.
"I know that daddy. But stuff is so much better when she is with me. That's why she's my best friend."
"I know. I just don't want you to limit yourself. You can stay best friends and I would never want you to not be friends, but you two might need to go on different paths someday."
"I get it daddy. But would you want to go on a different path from mama?"
"Of course not! There's a difference though. Best friends can go on different paths, but when you're married you're saying that you want to make a new path with that person."
"Oh. Well then maybe someday Isa and me will make a path together. But maybe we will just have paths that sometimes meet each other. Besides, we can call each other most every day."
"That's true."
"What about me? Where will I live?"
"Well Ben… you could live on the moon!"
"I don't wanna get shot into outside space. Where else I could live Cole?"
"Maybe in Disneyland! Because you are hilarious."
"I am a man, Cole. Not a mice."
"Well then Ben, I don't know where you could live, but you could stay with me until you figure it out. Deal?"
"Deal. And sissy?"
"Aves will stay with mama and daddy forever because no man will ever love her enough like she should be because she is a beautiful princess."
They all looked over at Avery who was doing her best to prove that she wasn't a beautiful princess, by shoving a green pepper up her nose.
"Hi!" she exclaimed when she realized they were all looking at her.
"Averylin, we don't put food up our noses either."
"Gee mama, you won't let Aves do nothin'!"
"Because I don't want her to fall off the table or get food stuck up her nose. And I would also like to maybe, if I get lucky, instill some kind of restaurant behavior into her at some point."
"Oh. Maybe sissy just means she is done eating."
"Yeah, I think she's done. Do you boys want to hit the arcade before she crash lands into naptime?"
"Yeah, let's go!"
They paid for their lunch and headed off down the street, Lindsay carrying Avery who was almost asleep and Adam with a son under each arm, letting them fly down the block. They laughed delightedly before Adam set them on the sidewalk at the entrance to the arcade.
"Alright, let's lay down some ground rules before we go in. First off, no running away. We all stick together. Second, no throwing fits if you lose a game or don't get enough tickets to get the toy you wanted. Third, once you are out of quarters, that's it. You got it?"
"We got it daddy. We are gonna play skee-ball, right Ben?"
"Right Cole."
The five of them trooped inside and the boys made a beeline for the skee-ball game. They were both terrible at it, as was Adam when he tried to show them how to do it, but Lindsay managed to get the highest score while holding Avery and not waking her up.
"Wow, look at all the tickets mama got!" Colton said excitedly, collecting them from the machine. "What are you gonna use it for?"
"I think I'll just wait until we're all done before I decide."
They moved around the arcade for almost an hour, watching each other play games and figuring out if they should use their precious quarters on risky games or not. With a pile of tickets they made their way to the counter where all the tickets were weighed and a final count was given. The tickets were split evenly between the boys who both suddenly had very wide eyes as they looked at all the prizes they could get. Adam crouched down and helped them to decide what the best use of their tickets would be.
"Hi lady, I am Benjamin Ryan Ross," Ben said, climbing up onto one of the stools. "I am from Yew Nork and I like one of them potato guns please."
"Well okay Benjamin," she giggled, counting off his tickets. "One potato gun. Now you remember, no aiming that at people or animals."
"I know. I knowed how to use this too. You stick the end in a potato and pull it out and when you shoot it the air pusher makes the potato chunk come flyin' out! My mama had one and she shooted my uncle Riley in they eye when she was a tiny girl. That's why he call her Sharpshooter."
"Oh okay. You have some tickets left, do you want to get anything else?"
"Nah. You can keep them tickets for some other kid what doesn't have enough. Thanks lady!"
He moved off to the side and examined his new toy while Colton looked briefly into the lighted case.
"Ma'am, I know what I would like to get."
"What can I do for you kiddo?"
"Well see that pretty green necklace? I want to get that for my friend Sarah. Her birthday is coming up. She will be six. Do you think she is old enough for jewelry?"
"I think so," she said, pulling the box out of the case. "Do you want to get something for yourself with the rest of your tickets?"
"Do I got enough for that green diamond ring for my friend Sarah?"
"Yeah, sure you do. Is that what you want?"
"Yep! Mama will wrap it for me so I can give it to her. Thanks for your help lady and thanks for such a fun arcade!"
"How'd you guys shake out today?" Austin asked, jumping to sit on the bathroom counter while Lindsay got ready to go out.
"The kids had fun. Our mini-golf trip was cut short when Ben somehow lobbed his ball into the parking lot, shouted "FIVE!" and broke a windshield."
"Five?" Austin laughed. "Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"That kid is hilarious. So now you guys have to pay for a windshield?"
"No, the people were parked on the sidewalk and there's signs warning them what could happen, so they just had to pay for it themselves. So that worked out okay. How about you guys?"
"We sat around here for a while, went out to lunch. I stole Isa and your car and took her out for a few hours and Danny took the other two to a movie. Then we all went skimboarding."
"I bet the kids were thrilled."
"Through the roof. I biffed it so hard I've got sand lodged in uncomfortable places."
"Name a comfortable place to have sand lodged."
"Between the toes."
"Well I guess you and Danny will both have good stories to tell when you get home what with his wipeout on that bike last night. What possessed you two to rent beach bikes?"
"Jack Lalaine. So where are you and Adam going?"
"After all these years, don't you know that Adam never tells me where we're going?"
"Oh that. Have you ever planned a date Linds?"
"I planned a wedding. He owes me four more years of date planning before we're even."
"You've discussed this?"
"He was half asleep but I have it in semi-legible writing."
"Oh yeah?"
"I got my bases covered."
"That's my girl. Now come on, you're pretty enough and you got a man waitin' for you."
"I like to keep him waiting. He appreciates me more."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Sometimes if I get ready on time I stand in the bathroom and clean the sink or reorganize the towels or something just to keep him waiting."
"You're mean."
"Yeah well let's just let that be our little secret."
"Deal. Danny made fun of my pedicure last night."
"Why? It's not like you're ever going to get another one."
"There was a foot massage involved, Linds. I am definitely getting another one and I am making Danny go with me."
"Austin, I love you."
"Yesterday you only tolerated me."
"Yeah because yesterday you refused to stop poking me."
"I like driving you nuts."
"Funny, so do the children."
"You just said you love me."
"I'm thinking about toleration again."
"Sure. Okay, be done with the beautification and go get your man and get out of here while you can."
"But-"
"Linds, go."
"I look okay?"
"Oh my word, get out of the bathroom."
Lindsay chuckled and shut the light off before going out to the kitchen. Adam and Danny were getting dinner ready for the kids who were spinning around in circles and singing while they waited.
"Whoa, look at my mama!" Colton said when he spotted her. "She looks a different kind of beautiful!"
"Thank you sweetie."
"Daddy sure will be happy to have you holdin' his hand tonight."
"Yeah son, someday you will learn that a beautiful woman by your side legitimizes you as a man," Adam said, taking Lindsay's hand and turning her in a slow circle. "And you do know how to rock a pair of jeans babe."
"Yeah, my whole life in style has been leading up to this moment."
He chuckled and they got the kids situated with their dinner before unceremoniously leaving the house.
"Do you hear that amazing sound?" Lindsay asked, turning to face him as they walked.
"The sound of silence and several hours of you."
"And you," she reminded him with a smile, wiggling her fingers between his.
"We need to date more often," he said as they turned the corner and headed into town. "I kind of like it."
"Me too. Makes me feel a lot younger and less like I may or may not have kid snot somewhere on my person."
"I'd still like you anyway."
"I hope so. Because having kid snot somewhere on my person is a constant state of being."
He smiled and led her into the restaurant that he'd picked out before the trip. It wasn't something really fancy, or something that had five stars in a Zagat guide because they were both more concerned with being together than having an amazing culinary experience.
They sat there for almost two hours, eating slowly and talking about everything under the sun, enjoying the fact that there were no children to entertain or messes to clean up, or bathroom trips to make. The sun was getting ready to set when they finally left the restaurant and they walked onto the beach, ditching their shoes and rolling up their pants so they could stand in the water. They didn't speak for a while, just breathed in the healthy sea air and watched the way the sun shone from behind them and cast over the water.
"Can I tell you something?" he asked after a moment, unsure if he'd ever said this before.
"Sure, what?"
"At the beginning, I never thought we would be together. I mean, I think I wanted to be with you pretty much right away but I didn't think it would happen."
"Why not?"
"Because you were you. It just didn't seem possible. Like, it was too lucky, you know? I figured you would never want me."
"Honey," she said with a little chuckle. "All those times you would tease about kissing me or marrying me, I always wished you'd stop teasing and do it for real."
"You did?"
"I played it cool, but I spent a lot of months waiting for you to make a move. A lot of months convincing myself that I wasn't thinking about it or that I'd dreamed it and that's why I was thinking of it. I thought there was no way you would want to settle down, at least not with the likes of me."
"Geez. Too bad society tells us to hide how we feel or we would have gotten together a lot sooner."
"I wouldn't change our lives now for anything, but it's interesting to think how it could have gone if we weren't such chickens."
He smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to the top of her head while the last lights of the sun faded behind them and the sky darkened.
"Come on, the best part of the date is waiting."
"Oh is it?"
"A little research before a trip always helps," he said mysteriously. He wasn't sure exactly where he was going because he'd left the address sitting on his night stand, so they wandered for a few blocks before they came across what he'd been looking for.
"I hope you saved room for dessert."
"Adam, is this what I think it is?"
"Cereal bar. And yes, I know I am the perfect man."
She laughed as they entered the small building, which was set up like an ice-cream parlor, but served all different kinds of cereal and toppings instead. It took them both a while to decide and once they sat down with their large bowls of breakfast for dessert, she couldn't wipe the smile off of her face.
"How did you think of this?"
"I just thought "Lindsay, cereal." It didn't take that much brain power. Cereal to you is like chocolate to any other woman."
"I think Colton was right, we need to move here. We could have dinner here every night."
"My wife, the woman of the most simple pleasures."
She chuckled as her phone buzzed insistently, indicating a text message from Austin.
Sorry to bug you but Avery's up and she's bawling and all she'll say is "Hutt my winsah!" What does that mean? She won't stop crying.
Lindsay laughed, partly surprised that Austin didn't understand Avery's gibberish.
Winsah is how she says finger. She probably lost her binkie and traded it for her thumb, then bit her thumb and now she's being difficult. Just kiss it and put her back to bed.
Now she's patting Danny's face and telling him he's "pitty." Your kid is weird.
"I am guessing one of the kids is up?" Adam asked as he came back to the table with a packet of sugar.
"Avery. How long do you think it's been since our kids have all slept through the night or until a decent hour in the morning?"
"A long time. Remember what a good sleeper Colton used to be?"
"He was awesome."
"I have something I want to discuss with you that is loosely related to our sleep habits and our children."
"Oh, and what's that?"
"Well I was thinking that next year is our tenth anniversary. I think that means we should do something big."
"Such as?"
"Ditch the kids and leave town for a week or so. Go far away. Do whatever we want. Spend a day in bed. Watch movies all night."
"That sounds pretty good. Where are we going?"
"You plan that and I will do the rest."
"Really?"
"Anywhere you want to go."
"I can't argue with that."
"Good. I like a woman that doesn't argue."
"Well when she has a man like you, this lady doesn't have to argue."
"Come on, let's get out of here. We still have to dance on the beach."
"Adam?"
"Yes?"
"I love you a lot."
"I love you too. Let's go."
She took his hand with a smile, knowing that always before and always after, their path was the same and she would walk beside him anywhere.