Note: Hello, all! This week's chapter was inspired by two songs: "Happy" by Robert DeLong for the title, and "Screen" by twenty one pilots. I think (or rather hope?) that if you listen to either of them they will bring you the same bittersweet joy that they bring to me. Also, for those of you still trying to recover from that life-sucking seventh season premiere, we will come through it together (I mean that jokingly, but also...not really...haha)

5. Happy

When she woke in the morning she knew exactly whose arms were around her, and exactly why it shouldn't make her happy. She fidgeted, hoping to roll her way gently out of Beth's arms, but Beth just murmured sleepily and tightened her grip.

Well, fuck.

Mason lay still after that and stared at the wall. She could just see her iPod lying on the floor, about a foot out of her reach. She sighed lightly. Of course.

Outside the sky began to lighten from black to steel blue. Mason wished she was out there in the cool dawn air. It was starting to get hot with Beth cuddled up against her…

"Mason."

Hallelujah.

"Beth, you awake?"

Silence. Mason swiveled her head to try and see Beth's face, but all she caught was a wisp of blonde hair.

"Beth?"

"Mmm."

Beth buried her nose in the back of her neck and Mason shivered. Her breathing tickled but she tried not to move.

"Mason…s'okay…okay…"

She blinked. Beth was dreaming about her. She didn't know why, but the realization made her eyes prick, like they wanted to tear. Her heart swelled with warmth.

After a while she began to hear voices murmuring and mattresses squeaking as the others stirred. She was just beginning to wonder if she shouldn't try waking Beth again when the arms holding her shifted.

"Mmm…Mason?"

She smiled a little. "You awake this time?"

"Nope," Beth mumbled, nudging the nape of her neck with her nose. Mason tried not to squirm.

"What time is it?"

Mason looked at her wrist. "Sometime."

"Right. Stupid question." Beth relinquished her hold on Mason and sat up, rubbing her eyes. "I guess I meant where's the sun?"

"The sky."

Beth glared. "Now you're just tryin' to test me."

"Ooh, look who's a grump in the morning."

"Well I'm sorry, but I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night."

Mason flinched. She'd been trying very hard not to remember why Beth had slept in her bunk last night, but now the dream flooded back. Gina in the woods, calling for help, and Mason too slow to reach her…

"Oh, no, I…I didn't mean it like that." Beth laid a hand on Mason's arm. "C'mon. You wanna take a walk with me?"

Mason clenched her teeth. Well, when she put it that way, what else could she say? No, I'd rather walk off a cliff?

"Uh, sure."

And Beth's eyes lit up like fireworks. Mason wanted to groan. It wasn't fair.

"Great! I'll just go check on Daddy first."

As soon as Beth left, Mason crawled out of bed to check on her iPod. The battery was low, but she tucked it in her pocket anyway.

When she left the cell, Daryl was waiting for her. He appraised her silently. She couldn't read his expression.

"Here."

He held what looked like a wrapping of newspaper out to her. Curiously she opened it. Inside there was a thick hunk of smoked venison. Mason's mouth watered.

"Thought you'd be hungry after missing dinner," Daryl said.

She nodded without looking at him. Was she tearing up again? What kind of pantywaist was she?

"Thanks," she mumbled.

"Okay!" Beth appeared at her side. "You ready to go?"

"Go?" Daryl looked from her to Mason with something like suspicion. "Where are you two goin'?"

"Mason and I are gonna take a walk before my daddy wakes up," Beth said.

"A walk?"

His tone was almost scornful and it nettled. Mason glared at him flatly. "Yeah, you know that funny thing that happens when you put one foot in front of the other?"

Beth snickered.

"You gonna be outside the fence? Just the two of you?"

Just the two of you. Mason swallowed and tried to ignore a sudden wave of nerves.

"Yes," Beth answered. "Is that a problem?"

Daryl shook his head gruffly. "Mason can take care of herself. But a few of us are headin' out to get more firewood so if ya'll stay close we'll be in hollering distance, just in case."

"Okay, thanks," Mason said. She was still chewing over the whole "two of you" thing.

Daryl followed them out, where Rick, T-Dog and Carol had gathered by the gate.

T-Dog smiled brightly. "Good morning, ladies. Mason, are you coming with us?"

"No, Beth and I are just going for a little walk."

"Oh, good."

"Oh, good?" Mason said. Something in her expression had Rick and Carol chuckling. She tried not to think about it. "What's that supposed to mean?"

T-Dog grinned even wider. "I just meant, like, 'oh, good, we can finally catch a break from that Mason chick'."

"Right, of course. It's my face, isn't it?"

"It's totally your face." He reached out and ruffled her hair.

"You better watch your mouth, sunshine," she said. Daryl smirked.

The day was warm but not quite as hot as the day before. Mason made sure Beth had both knife and handgun before slipping through the hole in the outer fence.

"You're as bad as my sister," Beth grumbled.

"Hey, I don't know if you know this, Beth, but you're a precious commodity." Mason led the way, her fire poker hanging from a rope around her shoulder.

"How's that?"

"Well, you're a metal head choir girl, for one. That's hard to come by. And most people wouldn't choose to spend their time with an iron-swinging freak like me."

Beth smiled. "What makes you think you're a freak?"

"What, you think I'm not?"

"No, I'm askin' why you think you are."

Mason shoved her lightly. "I've got a third eye growing out of my left foot. Also I'm a Gemini."

"Oh, yeah?"

"No, I'm sorry, that was a lie. I'm actually an Aquarius."

"You're a goof, that's what- oh. Mason?"

Mason stopped and followed Beth's gaze to a pair of walkers rambling in their direction. Seeing the tension in Beth's face, Mason made her voice as airy as possible.

"Aw, look, they're out for a walk, too!"

And then she cut through both walkers' heads with one swing.

She turned to give Beth a reassuring grin, but Beth was frowning at the fallen corpses like they had personally offended her.

"…You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's keep goin'."

Absently she reached out and took Mason's hand like it was no big deal. Like it didn't make a difference to Mason's heart, when it most certainly did.

Get a fucking grip, she told herself. You don't have any right to get so worked up when you're not even staying.

"Can I ask you somethin'?"

Mason stiffened. The response was so automatic it barely registered, but Beth noticed immediately.

"I'm sorry, I know you're… I mean, this isn't a personal question or anythin'," she said.

Mason took a deep breath.

Get. A fucking. Grip.

"It's fine, Beth, you can ask me anything you want."

"Well, I was just wonderin'…why the fire iron?"

Her lips twisted into a wry smile. Not personal, my ass, she thought. She knew it wasn't really Beth's fault. Weapons were weapons and nothing more, or at least they were supposed to be.

"It belonged to a…friend."

As Mason expected, Beth didn't miss the hesitation. "A friend?"

"She was my best friend."

Not entirely a lie.

Beth nodded thoughtfully. "Gina?"

Mason shuddered. The pain felt like something punching a hole in her stomach.

"Y-es."

Beth glanced at her and then away. "You say her name in your sleep a lot."

Mason nodded. Her free hand clenched tight. "Yeah, I'm sure I do."

"Would it hurt if you told me about her?"

For a moment, Mason was quiet. Would it? She'd been silent for so long, kept everything to herself, never even interacted with anyone for months…

"Yes," she said finally. "But it would probably be good for me, too."

"Well then what was your favorite thing about her?"

To her own surprise Mason smiled, the sunny kind she remembered from before all the bad shit.

"Everything," she said. "Her eyes, her smile… She had this funny thing about shoes. She never wanted to wear them, not even after the outbreak. So she'd be fighting off walkers in that damn yellow dress of hers, completely barefoot."

"Dress?"

"Yeah. She was a fearless little contradiction. Dainty dress, bloody fire iron… She was amazing."

Beth looked at her curiously. "You sound like you really loved her."

It was in Beth's voice, something Mason recognized from her time in another life. Back before she'd come out as bisexual, some of her friends had guessed how she felt about girls. That same sound- that cautious knowing- was there in Beth's voice.

Mason couldn't justify her sudden inhibition. In her old life, everyone knew she was down for either gender. She wasn't ashamed of that. She wasn't ashamed of Gina. So why the fuck were her cheeks flaming with color?

"Well, um…I guess if I'm being honest…she wasn't just my friend. She was my girlfriend."

There. It was out.

Something flashed in Beth's eyes but it was gone too quickly for Mason to identify.

"Yeah, I…I kinda figured."

"Does that bother you?"

"No," Beth said. Her voice was too light and she wouldn't look Mason in the eye, but at least she didn't pull her hand away.

Mason nudged her. "So this doesn't make me more of a freak?"

She meant it jokingly but Beth didn't laugh. Mason didn't blame her.

"You're not a freak for who you love, Mason," she said quietly. It sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

They continued on in silence for a while, still holding hands. Even though she was anxious to know what Beth was really thinking, Mason felt strangely buoyant. It was more of a relief than she thought it would be to get something off her chest.

After a while, Beth asked, "Why'd you bring your iPod?"

"Habit. It makes me anxious to be without it. Plus it's just smart…you know, in case you ever get in a fight and need some really badass background music."

Beth smiled. "Play me something."

"Why, are we gonna fight?"

"If you think you could take me."

Mason laughed. "I'd rather not. You look like one of those scrappy types."

She took her iPod from her pocket, put it on shuffle and turned up the volume so Beth could hear. She scanned through until she came across a song that softened her expression.

They stood and listened while it played, and after a while Beth murmured, "What's it called?"

"Screen," Mason replied. "We used to listen to this song on repeat back before the outbreak."

"I like it," Beth said. "It's like a beautiful contradiction."

Then she smiled and Mason smiled back and the song took on a joyful undertone. Beth was so beautiful, so sweet, and she made Mason feel less alone. They all did.

How can you leave this? she thought. Pain twisted her stomach and the moment soured.

"Maybe we should start heading back," she said. The sun had risen considerably, and now that she had noticed how much time had passed she realized she was starving.

"Can we come back tomorrow?"

"Oh, er…sure. Yeah, of course."

You're a pussy.

Mason let her iPod play as they walked back. The sound attracted another walker, which she dispatched easily and, like before, Beth's expression pinched with disgruntlement.

Mason raised an eyebrow. "You gonna tell me what's wrong with you?"

Beth stared at the ground. "It's nothin'."

"Even if it's nothing- which it clearly is not- I still want to know. Anything that bothers you bothers me."

"It's just…"

Beth trailed off, fingers lingering at the knife at her belt. Mason waited patiently but the silence stretched on and eventually Beth sighed.

"Nothin'," she said. "It's nothin'."

"Beth…"

"C'mon. The others'll start to worry if we're gone too long."

~m~

Mason followed Beth and Lori into Hershel's cell, carrying a pair of crutches that she and Daryl had found on one of their runs.

She handed them to Hershel and winked. "Here you go, old man."

"Who's old?" he replied, leaning forward on the edge of his bunk.

Lori smiled tightly. "Just take your time."

Hershel ignored her and positioned the crutches under his arms. Beth's forehead creased. She touched his shoulder gently.

"Daddy, don't push yourself," she said.

"What else am I going to do?" he said and stood up.

Mason and Beth caught him as he wobbled but he recovered his balance quickly. He moved forward a few paces toward Carl, who stood watching from the doorway.

"You know, I feel pretty steady," Hershel said. Mason smiled but kept her hands ready in case he teetered again. Slowly he edged his way out of the cell.

Lori smiled but the tightness never left her lips. Mason could tell she wasn't feeling one hundred percent and she wondered if Carol had had time to prepare any skullcap.

"Well, that's a start," Lori said. "Time to rest?"

Hershel stared at her. "Rest?" He smiled and his eyes touched on Beth before he turned for the cell block door. "Let's go for a little stroll."

Lori gaped at him. "A stroll…? But, Hershel-"

"I've been lying in that cot for a whole week. It's about time I stretch my leg."

His smile widened at the little joke. Beth and Lori still looked uneasy.

"Don't worry," Hershel added. "Mason here wouldn't let anything happen to an old coot like me."

She grinned. "Who else could I count on to teach me cribbage?"

"I'll teach you never to disrespect a man with a weapon," he replied, and whacked her lightly on the knee with his crutch without losing his balance.

Lori opened the door to the prison yard. Beth and Carl took up positions behind Hershel while Mason led the way, guiding him slowly down the cement stairs. Once they reached the bottom she stepped aside and let him take the lead. They all followed at his pace.

Hershel looked around in surprise. "You cleared all those bodies?"

"Dad and T-Dog did," Carl said.

"This is startin' to look like a place we could really live."

Mason ignored the pang in her chest.

"Watch your step," Lori said. "Last thing we need is you falling." She kept one hand on the small of her back as if to prop herself up. Mason knew it was just her imagination, but Lori's stomach looked bigger, impossibly huge, especially compared to her skinny limbs.

"Alright, Hershel!"

They all looked up to where Glenn stood by the hole in the fence, carrying firewood in with Rick and Daryl. Hershel's eyes twinkled.

"So you ready to race, Hershel?" Carl said.

"Give me another day," Hershel replied. "I'll take you on."

Carl grinned. Mason flipped the sheriff hat up over his eyes and he punched her on the shoulder. From across the yard, Maggie, Carol and T-Dog stopped to watch, all of them wearing identical smiles. It was the happiest Mason had seen the group and she couldn't help letting herself feel it, too.

Then Carl turned around and his eyes widened.

"Walkers! Look out!"

Mason whipped around, swinging her fire poker off of her shoulder while Carl and Lori aimed their guns. The walkers were coming at them from both sides, so many so suddenly that Mason's head spun. She leapt forward and took a few of them out but more just kept flooding in.

"Mason!" Beth grabbed her arm and dragged her back. Her eyes were wide with terror.

Maggie, T-Dog and Carol raced over to help, fighting their way closer to Lori and Carl. Maggie was the first to reach them.

Beth tugged on her arm. "Mason, c'mon! You have to help my dad!"

Mason backed up quickly, angling herself so that she was always between Beth and the walkers. They headed for the closest door, one they hardly ever used but which was surrounded by a cage. Hershel moved as fast as he could but the stairs leading up to the door slowed him down.

"Beth, help him up," Mason said. "I'll hold them off."

She didn't look to see if Beth listened to her. A cluster of walkers were closing in. She swung the fire iron as they limped forward, but one of them caught the sleeve of her shirt and pulled her toward it. Mason wrenched backward and nearly lost her footing. Her back collided painfully with one of the metal steps, knocking the breath from her lungs.

"No! Mason!"

The walkers were on her in an instant. She tried to swing the iron but the stairs encumbered her movements. Desperately she kicked out, knocking one of them away, but another took its place. Its body fell on hers, weighing her down. The putrid scent of death choked her…

And then suddenly the weight was lifted, and there was a splash of viscous blood and a deafening gunshot.

"Mason!"

A strong hand pulled her up by her arm. She blinked, trying to see Daryl's face through the walker blood dripping into her eyes. He brushed it away for her.

"You alright?" he said.

She nodded. "What's happening?"

"I don't know, we just-"

"What the hell happened?"

That was Rick, pacing back and forth like an enraged lion. She flinched back from the look on his face, the terror bordering on violence. Suddenly she realized she couldn't see Lori anywhere, or Carl or Maggie or any of the others.

You left them.

"I don't know, they just came outta nowhere," Beth said.

You coward.

"T said something about the gate bein' open," Hershel said.

"Where's Lori, Carl, everyone else?" Rick demanded.

Mason swayed unsteadily but Daryl kept her standing.

"Maggie led Lori and Carl into C block," Hershel said.

"But T was bit," Beth said.

The ground dropped out beneath her. T was bit? Where? What chance did he have of survival? Was it a limb, like Hershel, something that could salvage his life? Was it her fault?

"Anyone else?" Rick asked.

"I-I'm not sure."

"Stay put."

Glenn called out for Rick but Mason was no longer paying attention. All she could see was T's face this morning, smiling and untroubled. Her stomach rolled sickly.

"Hey. Hey."

Her eyes refocused as Daryl took her head in his hands. His gaze was sharp, cutting through her misery.

"You with me?"

She blinked. For a moment she couldn't make sense of what he was asking. Was she with him? Did she have a choice?

"Y-yes," she finally said.

He nodded and pointed over her shoulder. "You stay with them."

That woke her up.

"No, we need to find Lori, and Carl. I'll come with you-"

"No. Stay with Beth. Stay with Hershel."

"But-"

"No arguments."

Then he pushed her roughly up the stairs and slammed the cage door closed.

Immediately Beth pulled her into her arms, holding her so tight she could barely breathe. She buried her face in Mason's shoulder, not seeming to care that she was covered in gore.

"I thought you were dead," Beth sobbed.

Mason shook her head numbly. "No. Not as long as you want me around."

~m~

"Mason, stop. You'll wear a hole in the platform."

Mason didn't look up at Hershel, didn't stop her pacing. She thought she might combust if she did. She kept her eyes trained on the cell block door, waiting for it to open, waiting to see someone's face.

"Mason?"

She glanced quickly at Beth and then away. She couldn't stand the fear on her face, knowing there was nothing she could do about it, knowing they were trapped in this cage while the others were off risking their lives God knew where.

Suddenly the door slid open and the faces she was waiting for appeared. Rick, Glenn, Daryl, and the two inmates Oscar and Axel. Clumsy with haste, she opened the cage door and rushed down to meet them.

"Did you find any of the others?" she asked.

"T-Dog," Glenn answered. The defeat in his voice told her the rest of what he wouldn't say.

Her chin trembled. "And Carol?"

"She didn't make it," Daryl growled.

Mason bit the inside of her cheek, hard enough that she tasted blood.

"That doesn't mean the others didn't," Rick said. "Glenn, Oscar, head back to the-"

A sound cut him off. Everyone fell deathly silent.

It was a cry.

The wail of a baby.

Slowly, Rick turned toward the sound. Mason leaned around him with her heart in her throat.

Carl and Maggie were stepping down from the catwalk, moving slow, cautious. There was a little bloody bundle in Maggie's arms and Lori was nowhere to be seen.

Lori was nowhere to be seen.

"No," Mason whispered.

Rick moved forward, shaking his head.

"Where is she?"

His voice was barely audible, terrifyingly fragile, like standing on a platform of glass. She couldn't stand the sound of it. Her fingers had gone numb around the fire poker.

"Where…?"

Rick wouldn't stop pacing. He cut back and forth in front of Maggie, who was trying to speak. But no matter how her lips moved she couldn't put sounds to her words.

Before anyone could stop him, Rick strode past her.

Maggie grabbed his arm, sobbing. "No, Rick, don't!"

Rick stopped, but he didn't look at her. His eyes were on his son, whose expression was as bare as the dead of winter.

"No," Rick moaned. "No."

His sobs cut Mason to the bone. She leaned unsteadily against Daryl while the tears blinded her.

They blurred everything, but not enough to block out the sight of Rick falling to the ground, or the way his body shook with sobs so loud they drowned out the sound of the baby covered in his dead wife's blood.