Note: Hey, ya'll, I'm back! I know it's been a few months but I've been dealing with some things that have kept me from wanting to write much of anything lately. Still, I finally sat my ass down and plugged away until I finished this! It's not much, but I have the next few chapters plotted so hopefully I can just churn them out without as much time in between. Also, the inspiration for the title is "Empty Gold" by Halsey, it's a really cool, intense song that I think fits the theme of this chapter and hopefully captures the emotion of these moments from the show.
8. Empty Gold
The first thing Mason saw as she followed Rick into the cell block was the gun in Beth's hand. It was one of the few AKs the group had, and she held it like she was cradling a baby. The breath caught in Mason's throat.
Had she been out there with the rest of them when the Governor attacked?
Had they really let her out in the line of fire?
"Hey, girl? I like those legs even better when they're movin'."
The rasping voice came from behind her. She turned to give its owner a scalding glare.
Daryl's brother, Merle, did not look much like him. He was gruff and grimy, sure, but the similarities ended there.
Merle smirked. "You wanna give me another turn there, girl? I can't decide which side of you I like best."
He didn't act like Daryl, either.
When she didn't move, he chuckled and pushed past her, following Rick and Daryl to the center of the cell block.
Rick pressed a hand firmly to Merle's chest. "No."
Merle narrowed his eyes and Daryl looked up.
"Rick," he said. "What are you doing?"
"He can't stay in here," Rick said. "Not with-"
"What the fuck is he doing here?"
Glenn came charging out of his cell. Maggie followed close behind but Glenn pushed her back, angling himself between her and Merle. Daryl stood in front of his brother, who was watching all this with an expression that was half-scorn and half-amusement.
Rick stepped between all of them. "Glenn, calm down, just listen-"
"Don't fucking tell me to calm down! You let him in here?"
"Let me explain-"
"Hey, back off. My brother can stay here if he wants to."
"Glenn, please, just let them talk-"
"I'm done talking, Maggie! That piece of shit is out of here, right now."
"Back. Off."
Daryl shoved Glenn away as he made a move for Merle. It might have erupted into a fight if no one else had been there, but Mason jumped in to help Rick keep them apart and Maggie tugged Glenn back by the arm. Through it all, Merle stood back and laughed.
"Glenn," Rick said. "They have a right to be here."
"Really, Rick? Merle? Merle has a right to be here?"
"No," Rick growled. "Not here."
He turned to Merle with an expression that promised violence. Merle didn't stop grinning.
"You aren't staying in here."
"Whatever you say, Officer Friendly."
Rick and Mason led him to the commons area and locked the door. Glenn did not bother hiding the fact that he would have preferred a more permanent separation.
"So after all that," he said, "after what he did to me, to Maggie, after the Governor rolls up to our front door, we're just going to let that son of a bitch into our home?"
"He saved me," Rick said. "He saved Mason."
"And you think that makes him a good person? He only came back because Daryl did!"
"And he's stayin'," Daryl growled. "We're stickin' together now. I ain't losin' him again."
"Maybe none of us should be staying after today," Carol said.
"We're not leaving," Rick said.
"We can't stay here," Hershel argued.
"What if there's another sniper?" Maggie said. "A wood pallet won't stop one of those rounds."
"We can't even go outside," Beth said. She'd put her AK away with the other guns, but Mason still imagined it in her hands.
Glenn ground his teeth. "If Rick says we're not running, we're not running."
"Nah. Better to live like rats."
Everyone turned to see Merle leaning against the cell block door with an insolent expression. Mason curled her lip and wondered how much it would hurt if she punched him right in his redneck jaw.
"You got a better idea?" Rick said.
"Yeah, we should've slid out of here when we had the chance, lived to fight another day. But we lost that window, didn't we? I'm sure he's got scouts on every road outta this place by now."
"We ain't scared of that prick," Daryl said.
"Ya'll should be. That truck through the fence thing? That's just him ringin' the doorbell. We might have some thick walls to hide behind, but he's got the guns and the numbers, and if he takes the high ground around this place? Shit. He could just starve us out if he wanted to."
Mason swayed a little on her feet. The anxiety in the air was palpable.
Maggie's lips pressed into a tight line. "Let's put him in the other cell block."
"No," Daryl said. "He's got a point."
She whipped around to face Merle. "This is all you!" she shouted. "You started this!"
"What's the difference whose fault it is?" Beth said. "What are we gonna do?"
"I said we should leave," Hershel said, staring Rick down. "Now Axel's dead. We can't just sit here."
Rick stared back at him silently, and then he started walking away.
Hershel's eyes flashed with rage.
"GET BACK HERE!"
The outburst was so unexpected that Mason found herself flinching away as the old man rose onto his crutches. Rick stopped but he didn't turn around.
"You're slippin', Rick," Hershel said. "We've all seen it, we understand why, but now is not the time. You once said this isn't a democracy? Now you have to own up to that. I put my family's life in your hands. So get your head clear, and do somethin'."
Everyone waited silently for Rick to start shouting, too, but he never did. After a long pause he grabbed one of the communal shotguns and headed for the catwalk without ever speaking a word.
When he was gone, the group milled about uncertainly. Merle snorted and stepped away from the door. Hershel sank back down onto the perch steps, looking more worn and defeated than Mason had ever seen him.
She was so absorbed in everyone else's misery that it startled her when Beth grabbed her arm.
"C'mon," she said. She refused to look at Mason, but her face was pinched in a glare. "You're probably pretty hungry after bein' gone all day."
Oh, shit… Mason's stomach flipped as she quickly realized how fucked she was. Reluctantly she let Beth pull her into the commons, where Merle was leaning against the far wall. He looked up with sudden interest when they walked in. Mason tried to ignore him.
"Look, Beth-"
"Here."
Beth shoved a bowl of cold chili beans into Mason's hands. Her eyes were flint.
"Better eat up. Wouldn't want you leavin' again on an empty stomach."
"I went for a run."
Beth's eyes sparked with outrage. "Do you think I'm stupid? You took all your stuff. Did you even stop to think how I'd feel wakin' up to your empty bed?"
So apparently there wasn't a way out of this one.
"I came back," Mason said meekly.
"How could you do that?" Beth hissed.
Mason blinked. Part of her was astonished by the fury in her voice. The other part of her was hyper aware of how close Beth had leaned in. Close enough that she could feel her breath on her lips. Mason swallowed nervously.
"How could you just leave?" Beth kept on. "Like all of this meant nothin' to you? Like we meant nothin'?"
Mason frowned. "Is that what you think?"
"What else is there?"
Mason stepped closer, until there was barely a hairsbreadth between them, until she could count all the little green flecks in Beth's eyes.
"I don't know," Mason said in a low, dangerous voice. "Maybe that it had nothing to do with you? Maybe that I would have needed a pretty damn good reason for leaving?"
"Well maybe you should've told me," Beth said, "instead of sneakin' away like a coward."
"I came back. What more do you want from me?"
"Nothin'. I want nothin' from you."
She marched away before Mason could respond, leaving her standing alone with her bowl of cold beans.
"Shee-it."
Well, not completely alone.
Merle whistled, long and low. Mason glowered without ever looking quite at him.
"She spits fire fit to shame the devil," he said.
"I'm not actually in the mood for your redneck poetry, thanks."
"Oh I know, sunshine. You were hopin' for a little of that country girl sugar, weren't ya? Something sweet to take that bad taste outta your mouth."
Heat flushed her cheeks. She lifted her chin, pretending not to notice. "You're the only thing leaving a bad taste in my mouth, you backwoods mutant."
"Come over here and I'll leave you with something better."
Her hands twitched into fists.
Don't even fucking give him the satisfaction, she thought.
Instead of decking him square in his smug face, she walked over and thrust the bowl of chili beans into his hand.
"Don't choke," she said and went to get her iPod.
Since she couldn't go for a run, she settled for a walk through the tombs to clear her head.
A lot had changed in a day. She was still struggling to wrap her mind around it.
She had decided to stay. That was the big one. And now that she had, everything seemed simultaneously clearer and darker than it had before. She had responsibilities again, and people to take care of, and now that she knew the consequences of failing, her fear was that much greater.
They were at war with the Governor. That was a new one. She'd never been at war with anyone, except the few times she'd played Uno with her friends before the world as they knew it ended. Of course, even the most ruthless draw four card had never inspired murder sooo… no. War was definitely new.
And to top it all off, Beth now evidently did not want anything to do with her. Somehow, despite the magnitude of everything else, this shadowed her mind most darkly. Rationally she knew that this was not her biggest problem, but whenever she let herself think about it her chest closed up with anxiety.
So yes, lots to think about. The head-clearing she'd hoped for had backfired terribly. With a sigh she turned to head back the way she'd come.
No sooner had she returned to the commons area than a shadow stepped into her path. She jumped back, reaching for her fire poker before realizing that it was just Carol.
"Jesus fucking Christ-"
"Can we talk?"
Carol's tone did not match her polite request. Everything about her was wintry.
"Uh, yeah…what about?" Though she was fairly certain.
Carol stepped into the shadows, out of sight of Merle, who was sitting at a table sharpening his knife-hand. She leveled Mason with a look that was pure ice.
"I'm only going to say this once, so listen up. This group doesn't need any wishy-washy bullshit. If you're going to stay here, then stay, but if you leave you better stay gone. Understood?"
Shame made her cheeks flame. "Did Beth tell you I left?"
"She didn't have to. You came in with all your belongings on your back. The rest of the group may have been too shocked to notice but I know an escape when I see one."
So Beth hadn't told anyone. Her loyalty made Mason feel even more like shit.
"I'm staying," she said quietly.
Carol studied her silently for a moment and then nodded. Her eyes seemed to soften, but only slightly. "Glad to hear it."
When she returned to her cell she unpacked everything. The backpack she shoved under her bunk to gather dust. Beth said nothing to her. Falling asleep that night, drowning in silence so loud it made her ears ring, took a concentrated effort. It was only the tentative reminder that she was home- that the mattress beneath her was her mattress, that the people sleeping around her were her people- that soothed her enough to let her rest.
~m~
She was lying on her cot the next day with her leg propped up on a pillow. She couldn't tell how much damage she'd done to her knee but it hurt like a bitch to put weight on it. After a short discussion that morning with the group about their dwindling supply of food and ammo, she'd been quick to limp back into her cell. She wouldn't be much use to anybody if she fucked up her leg even more.
She was just slipping into a doze when Carl rushed into the cell block, calling for Rick. Mason sat up immediately, swinging her legs over the side of the bed despite the subsequent stab of pain.
"Dad! It's Andrea. She's outside."
Mason narrowed her eyes. She didn't know much about the woman but she'd heard Daryl mention something about her being involved with the Governor.
Rick glanced around the room, stiff with apprehension. "Alright, get your guns. We don't know who she might've brought with her."
Mason, Merle, Daryl and Michonne hurried outside after Rick, weapons at the ready. Mason's eyes landed immediately on the figure struggling through the horde of walkers swarming the prison yard. She held a walker out in front of her with some kind of leash, but though most of the others ignored her, the nearest were not fooled. As she approached the inner gate, four or five began closing in.
"Are you alone?" Rick said while Daryl and Merle split off, searching for signs of an ambush.
"Open the gate," Andrea called.
"Are you alone?"
"Rick!"
The desperation in her voice made Mason's pulse quicken. Rick threw the gate keys to Daryl and the woman stumbled inside. Merle dispatched her zombie buddy with his knife-hand.
Before Andrea could catch her breath, Rick shoved her roughly against the fence. "Turn around!"
"What?"
Mason curled her lip at the confusion on the woman's face. What did she expect after what her boyfriend had done?
Daryl and Merle flanked them on either side, ready for an attack that never came. Michonne lingered at the edge of the group, watching Andrea with an unreadable expression.
Andrea held still while Rick patted her down, yanking a bag from her shoulder and tossing it to Mason.
"I asked if you were alone," he growled.
"I am!"
Rick nodded, signaling to Merle and Daryl. "Welcome back," he said and pulled Andrea to her feet.
It was a quick procession back into the prison, all of them hyper alert. The tension crowded in on Mason, hot and stifling, so that it took more effort than it should have to breathe. She didn't know if she believed that this Andrea woman was alone but Rick knew her better, and he was stupid enough to take the chance if he thought it might be a trick. Even so, Mason drew her fire iron and kept her eyes on the woman in case she decided to pull anything.
Everyone gathered in the commons room, forming a ragged circle around their visitor. Carol was the first to break it, wrapping her arms around the woman like they were sisters.
Mason struggled to remind herself that this woman had once been a part of the group, her group. But it was almost impossible to reconcile that image with the image of the same woman glomming onto the Governor like a lovestruck teeniebop.
"Hershel, oh my god…" Andrea whispered, catching sight of his stump. When he didn't respond she pulled away from Carol to take in the room. "I can't believe this."
Mason ground her teeth. From what she'd gathered, Andrea and all the others at Woodbury were sitting pretty compared to her group. Don't patronize us.
Then Andrea turned to Rick.
"Where's Shane?"
Rick's expression darkened but he said nothing. His eyes were cold, faraway, his jaw set in that way he got when he wasn't accepting anyone's bullshit.
Andrea looked around for help but no one else was going to answer, so she asked, "What about Lori?"
Mason's grip tightened around her fire poker, resisting the urge to whack the woman over the head with it.
Rick swallowed, holding Andrea's gaze for a moment before looking away.
"She had a girl," Hershel said. "Lori didn't survive."
"Neither did T-Dog," Maggie chimed in.
Andrea's face fell. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. She stepped toward Carl, saying his name like that would make everything better, but he drew away without looking at her. Mason felt a twinge of satisfaction.
Awkwardly she cleared her throat. "So…you all live here?"
"Here and the cell block," Glenn replied. His expression was no-nonsense. Unfriendly.
"In there? Can I go in?"
Rick cut across her path before she could take a step. "I won't allow that."
"I'm not an enemy, Rick."
Mason snorted. "No, you're just sleeping with him."
Andrea threw her a flat black glare. "I'm sorry, who are you?"
"She's a part of our group," Daryl growled.
Rick nodded. "You know, we had that field, that courtyard, until your boyfriend tore down our fence with a truck and shot us up."
Andrea blinked. "H-he said you fired first…"
"Well he's lying."
"He killed an inmate who survived in here," Hershel said.
"We liked him," Daryl added. "He was one of us."
"I didn't know anything about that," Andrea said. There were tears in her eyes. Mason wondered how genuine they were. "As soon as I found out, I came. I didn't even know you were in Woodbury until after the shootout."
"That was days ago," Glenn said.
"I told you, I came as soon as I could," she said, but finding a sympathetic face nowhere she rounded on Michonne instead. "What have you told them?"
"Nothing," Michonne replied. She was leaning casually against the wall, more sedate and calm than Mason had seen her.
"I don't get it. I left Atlanta with you people and now I'm the odd man out?"
"He almost killed Michonne," Glenn said, "and he would've killed us-"
"With his finger on the trigger!" Andrea said, pointing to Merle, who eyed her insolently. "Isn't he the one who kidnapped you, who beat you?"
Everyone stayed silent.
"Look. I cannot begin to excuse what Phillip has done, but I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out-"
"There's nothing to work out," Rick said. "We're gonna kill him. I don't know how, or when, but we will."
Andrea shook her head, staring at Rick like she no longer recognized him. "We can settle this," she said. "There is room at Woodbury, for all of you."
Merle chuckled. "You know better than that."
"We don't need your town anyway," Mason said. "We were doing just fine here until Phillip sent us the welcome wagon."
It wasn't the total truth, but nobody contradicted her.
"What makes you think this man wants to negotiate?" Hershel asked. "Did he say that?"
"No," Andrea admitted.
"Then why did you come here?" Rick growled.
"Because he's gearing up for war. The people are terrified, they see you as killers. They're training to attack."
"I'll tell you what," Daryl said. "Next time you see Phillip, tell him I'm gon take his other eye."
Mason smirked.
"We've taken too much shit for too long," Glenn agreed. "If he wants a war, he's got one."
"Rick. If you don't sit down and try to work this out, I don't know what's gonna happen. He has a whole town. Look at all of you. You've lost so much already."
Mason stiffened, exchanging a hard glance with Daryl. This woman had no clue.
"You wanna make this right?" Rick said. "Then get us inside."
"No-"
"Then we have nothing left to talk about."
"There are innocent people!"
But Rick was striding into the cell block, his hand on his gun like he expected a fight in the next room. Andrea watched him go, frustration and disbelief coloring her expression. Mason tapped the fire poker against her knee. She fervently hoped that when the time came, she would be the one to toss the woman out on her ass.
Andrea turned first to Hershel, then to Glenn. "You have to talk to him," she pleaded. "Convince him to see sense."
"He is seeing sense," Glenn replied. "Rick was right, there's nothing to talk about. The Governor killed that chance when he broke down those gates and filled our yard with walkers."
"Glenn, please-"
Maggie stepped forward before she could finish. "Andrea, stop. You aren't gonna change anything here. I wish it was different, but it's not."
With one last desperate glance around the room, Andrea went back outside. No one moved to stop her, but after a moment's hesitation Michonne trailed after her.
Mason looked at Daryl, and she could see the same suspicion in his eyes. "Be right back," she whispered and headed for the catwalk.
Carol and Axel had lined both sides with pallets and metal tables, so she was able to sneak out without either women spotting her. Crouching with her head low, Mason strained to hear what they were saying.
"…I didn't choose him over you, I wanted a life." That was Andrea. "Once we entered Woodbury, you became hostile."
"That's because I could see it," Michonne replied.
"See what?"
"That you were under his spell from the second you laid eyes on him."
"That is not true-"
"And you still are."
"No, I am there because those people need me."
Mason had to stifle a snort. She settled for an exaggerated eye roll instead.
"And what about these people?"
"I am trying to save them, too!"
"I did not realize the Messiah complex was contagious," Michonne said. Her low, woodsy voice was acidic, searing. Mason wanted to stand up and cheer but she kept silent.
"Go to hell, Michonne."
From the sound of it, Andrea was walking away. Mason waited for Michonne to follow her but she didn't.
"He sent Merle to kill me."
The footsteps stopped.
"Would've sent him to kill you, too, if you'd come with me."
There was no anger in Michonne's voice. Only the grim satisfaction of revealing something, of proving someone horribly wrong.
"But you didn't, did you? You chose a warm bed over a friend. That's why I went back to Woodbury. Exposed him for what he is. I knew that it would hurt you."
In that moment, Mason realized two things.
The first was that Michonne, without even doing anything, without even interacting with her, had won her trust.
The second was that she truly despised Andrea.
When the two women parted ways, Mason went back inside. Daryl was waiting for her, one eyebrow raised questioningly, but she shook her head. She didn't think reporting on their dirty laundry would win her any points with Michonne, and in any case it wasn't like it was useful information.
Stifling a sigh, she sat at one of the tables and massaged her knee. Daryl and Glenn left to find Rick. Carol and Maggie had their heads together; from what little she could catch, Mason gathered they were planning how to protect Little Asskicker in case their cell block was breached. Hershel and Carl were counting their food rations for the fifteenth time, discussing ways to make it stretch. Merle had disappeared.
The air was thick with tension, and not just tension but expectation. Before they could've hoped that the Governor might not retaliate but now they no longer had that luxury. This was the first chance any of them had had to catch their breath since Lori's death, and the air wasn't even breathable.
Across the room, Beth was making dinner. She looked completely focused on her task, but every now and then she would pause, staring at the wall in front of her like it was revealing some troubling secret.
Mason reaffirmed her grip on the fire poker. Its unbendable presence comforted her a little, but the decision she had to make still had her heart pounding. Finally, reluctantly, she got to her feet.
Beth looked up as she approached. Her eyes remained cool, guarded and Mason stifled the tiny sting of hurt at the sight of them.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey."
"So…I'm sorry. Like, really fucking sorry. About everything."
Beth said nothing, instead refocusing on her task. Embarrassed, Mason stammered on.
"I-I should've told you. I mean, not about leaving…I mean, yes, about that but not really…Look, all I'm trying to say is I should've been honest about how I felt. I didn't want to get attached to you and your group because…I didn't want to get hurt. You know. But I knew immediately after I left what a shitty decision it was and I promise I'll never do anything like that again. You all are the first real friends I've had since…well, um, since Gina. And…I'm sorry. Really. And I promise-"
"Mason? Shut up."
Before Mason could respond, Beth swept her into a tight hug. This time Mason was quick to return it.
"Also, what are your plans for tomorrow?" Mason asked.
Beth leaned away, blinking wide eyes that were suddenly intense with emotion. Mason couldn't place what exactly the emotion was but it made the back of her neck flush with heat.
"I don't know yet…why?"
"Well, I just thought tomorrow'd be as good a time as any to start training. You know, you wanna be a warrior, you gotta put in the hours."
The nameless emotion flickered away and suddenly Beth was beaming from ear to ear. "Really? You promise?"
Mason couldn't help grinning back. "Yeah, I promise."
"Great! What time?"
"I don't know, whenever you-"
"How about after breakfast we look for a place to start? It would've been nice to practice in the yard, but with the walkers…"
She trailed off, and they stared at each other as the reality of their situation flooded back.
"Yeah," Mason finally said. "That's a good idea. We'll find a place in the morning and practice for as long as you want."
Beth smiled a little, but her expression was haunted and Mason felt it echoed in her own.
After dinner that night, everyone gathered in the cell block. Daryl, Hershel and Rick leaned against one of the doors, deep in discussion. Glenn and Maggie sat on the stairs a few steps apart. Carl sat on the upper level, rocking Little Asskicker to sleep. Mason, Beth and Carol sat on the floor, gathered around an array of electric lanterns and their newly-sorted supplies. Mason tried not to think about how close they were to running out of so many things, but every time she did her mind would slip back to the walkers in the yard, or the Governor's attack, and the endless cycle was exhausting.
Andrea had left just as the sun was going down in a car Rick let her borrow. Mason hadn't approved of any of it- letting her go back to their enemy and loaning her a car- but she stayed silent. Beth's hand in hers had subdued her irritation.
Now it was just the group again. Her group. And Merle, of course, lurking around somewhere. She wished they could be rid of him as easily as Andrea but she couldn't stand the thought of losing Daryl in the process.
From across the lantern light, Beth smiled encouragingly, as though she knew all the thoughts swimming in Mason's head. Then she started to sing.
"They hung a sign up in our town:
'If you live it you won't live it down.'
So she left Monte Rio, son,
just like a bullet leaves a gun.
With charcoal eyes and Monroe hips,
she went and took that California trip.
Well the moon was gold,
her hair like wind.
She said, 'Don't look back,
just come on, Jim.'"
Mason leaned back against the wall, just like she'd done on that first night in the prison, listening to Beth's voice as it bounced over metal and cement, filling the room like the lantern light. From the corner of her eye she saw Merle creep into the cell block, and on the other side Glenn move to sit next to Maggie. He laid his hand on her shoulder, and she took his hand in hers, and Mason closed her eyes.
Just for a moment, she could pretend. Pretend they were all somewhere else, all of them together, all of them safe. T-Dog would still be alive, and Axel, and Lori would be with Carl and Rick, with Little Asskicker in her arms. They would have found somewhere where survival was a distant memory, and living was their priority. They could restart their life in this new world. Maybe deep in the pines of a mountain, or shored up on the coast of the sea. It wouldn't matter. They'd all be together.
"You gotta hold on.
Take my hand, I'm standing right here,
gotta hold on."
Mason kept her eyes closed. They were somewhere else. All of them. Just for one moment.