NOTE: Hey, guys. Tonight's chapter is even shorter than the one before, but that's only because it was originally going to be a lot longer. Instead I split it in two, and because of that I expect I will have the next chapter out within the next few hours (which I'm excited about). Anyway, thanks to all of you who have been supporting this story, it means so much to me you guys! And before I forget, the title song, "Arsonist's Lullabye" by Hozier, is a perfect TWD song (and in fact is the song played in S6E12 Not Tomorrow Yet) so I think you'll recognize it. Anyway, enough rambling. Hope you like it.
11. Arsonist's Lullabye
"I think that's enough for today."
Without a word, Beth straightened out of her fighting stance. She avoided Mason's eyes, coolly belting her knife and brushing the hair from her face. Mason stayed where she was until Beth left and then slowly followed.
By the time she returned to the cell block, Beth had already sat down with Maggie to eat. She didn't invite Mason to join her. Mason ate alone in their cell, and that's where Rick found her.
She stiffened at the sight of him but said nothing, waiting instead for him to speak. His eyes were bloodshot, cupped by shadows.
But the silence stayed silent. He nodded his head, a wordless instruction to follow, and so she did.
Daryl and Hershel waited outside just like before. Mason looked to Daryl for comfort but his face was bleak.
"Have you decided?" Hershel asked.
Rick nodded. His haunted eyes riveted on something in the distance and he said, "It has to be today. It has to be quiet. Nobody else knows."
Mason's stomach pitched. She felt as though she'd stepped onto solid ground, only to have it dissolve beneath her feet.
Daryl chewed the inside of his lip, his eyes darting back and forth as though seeking some form of guidance. Eventually, he said, "You got a plan?"
"We tell her we need to talk. Away from the others."
Rick didn't continue any farther than that, and none of them needed him too. Hershel stared at the ground. Daryl shook his head.
"This ain't us, man."
"No. No, it isn't," Hershel said and left without another word.
Rick looked at Daryl. "We do this, we avoid a fight. No one else dies."
"No."
Both of them turned to Mason, whose voice had finally returned. She shook her head incredulously.
"We can't do this. We can't."
"Mason-"
"No, Rick. Look, I…I know you had to think about it-"
"I did."
"Well, think again."
"I did."
The wildness was back in Rick's eyes and Mason couldn't look away. It was all over his face, how much this cost him.
"We can't do this," she said again, but this time it was weaker. "Michonne…she's a good person."
"Are you willing to sacrifice the rest of us to keep her alive?"
"That's…that's what we do for each other."
Rick swallowed hard and leaned toward her, his eyes full of ghosts. "Are you willing to sacrifice Beth for her?"
Mason flinched. Whatever other argument she might have made drowned in her fear.
She saw Gina in her mind, dragged off into the dark by savage men.
She saw Gina's face become Beth's and it was unendurable.
"No," she gasped, with barely enough breath to make a sound at all. And she hated herself, she hated herself,but she said it again. "No."
Rick laid a steadying hand on her shoulder. He waited to speak until she looked up. "We have to do this. We have to try. You know that."
She didn't say anything else. She was too sick to speak.
"We need someone else," Rick continued eventually. He looked meaningfully at Daryl.
"I'll find him."
"No. I'll talk to him myself."
Rick walked away, leaving Mason with Daryl. After a moment, he touched her arm.
"Hey. You okay?"
She shook her head. He watched her for a long time and the world narrowed around them. It was just the two of them in their terrible knowledge.
~m~
Michonne was in the commons with Carl and Maggie, gathered around a table piled with wood planks and razor wire. Mason shoved her hands in her pockets to hide their shaking.
Carl looked up. "Hey, Mason. Wanna help with something?"
"What's up, kiddo?"
"Michonne had this idea, to make tire spikes and hide them in the yard. That way when the Governor comes back they won't make it very far."
Michonne nodded and said, "We don't have to make it easy for them." Then she offered Mason one of her rare smiles.
Are you willing to sacrifice the rest of us to keep her alive?
Mason swallowed numbly. "That's a great idea."
She sat with the three of them, assembling tire spikes and trying not to scream. At some point Daryl joined them, sitting close to Mason as though the proximity could provide comfort. But every time she looked up her eyes were drawn to Michonne, and she knew it was the same for him.
Maggie and Carl drew the walkers to the path while Mason, Michonne and Daryl laid out the spikes. Each spark of sunlight refracted from Michonne's sword was a cut in Mason's chest. She bit her tongue to focus on a pain more physical.
It became nearly unbearable when she found herself side-by-side with Michonne, slashing their way through a knot of walkers. Iron and sword, like they'd been doing this from the beginning.
She's one of us! she wanted to cry. But then she would think of Beth, and the things the Governor has already done to her family, and it was the only thing that kept her from putting this cry to words.
When the spikes were laid, Mason returned to her cell. She hoped in vain for a peace that not even her iPod could provide. Song after song she shuffled through, only for each one to yield to the guilt. Her stomach churned so incessantly she was sure she was getting an ulcer.
A figure shadowed the doorway.
"Damn, sweetheart. Do you even remember how to smile?"
Clenching her jaw, Mason forced the bitterest smile she could manage and showed Merle her middle finger.
He grinned, but there was something off about it. "Officer Friendly filled me in on our little situation. Guess I'm to be ya'll's garbage man. Take out the trash."
Mason pretended to be absorbed with her iPod.
"Aw, c'mon, girl. You don't really think your man Rick's gonna pull this off, do you?"
She frowned. "He already decided. He has to."
Merle just raised an eyebrow. She looked back at her iPod.
"I hear you tried to kill yourself with that thing."
"Yeah, I tried, but the edges are just too damn dull. Didn't leave a mark on my wrists."
Merle smirked. "So it was after that when you decided to play them walkers a little tune? How sweet."
Mason sighed. "Why are you asking me about this?"
"I'm just curious, is all. Wonderin' what made you so savage."
"I'm not savage."
"Savage enough to let the Governor take one of your own."
We do this, we avoid a fight. No one else dies.
"Shut up," Mason said. She didn't know if she was talking to Merle or her own thoughts or both.
"What's wrong, sunshine? Did I strike a nerve?"
"No, but you sure know how to get on my last one."
"I guess I just never took you for the cold-blooded type, that's all."
"You don't even know me. I could be colder than a Midwestern winter for all you know."
Merle nodded thoughtfully. "Suppose that's true," he said. "Then again I suppose it's also true that I am an exceptional judge of character."
"Strange, since you don't have any."
The look that crossed Merle's face then… Mason almost felt bad. But after that he left her be, and she didn't know which it was worse to be trapped with: his harassment, or her mind's.
~m~
It was a few hours later and Mason was drifting into a doze when Rick and Daryl found her. The expressions on their faces woke her immediately.
She reached for her iron. "What's wrong?"
"We can't find Merle," Rick said.
Seeing her bemused look, Daryl added, "We think he took Michonne."
Mason's stomach clenched. "But I thought…"
Rick met her gaze for the first time since telling her about the ultimatum. "No," he said. "I changed my mind."
Her breath of relief caught in her throat. He'd changed his mind, but it was too late.
"Help us look," Daryl said. "We'll find 'em."
But that fragile hope disintegrated when they searched the generator room, and found the tracks that Merle and Michonne had left behind.
"He took her here," Daryl said.
"Goddammit," Rick hissed and strode for the exit. "I'm going after them."
"You can't track for shit."
"Well, then both of us."
"All of us," Mason added.
Daryl shook his head. "Nah. Just me. You two need to stay here and get ready for what's comin'. You're family, too." He left without another word.
"Do you think he'll find them?" Mason murmured. She knew it was a stupid question but keeping it in felt like swallowing acid.
"I don't know," Rick replied, like she knew he would. "But we need to talk to the others. Tell them what's happened, get them ready like Daryl said."
Mason nodded and followed him out of the room.
"Rick," she said after a moment. "I know…I know you had to. You've kept this group safe for so long and none of us know the position you're in. You had to think about it."
Rick nodded, his jaw working like he was chewing on his words. Finally he said, "I decided to tell you because of what you told me that day. In the boiler room. I haven't lost myself. I won't."
"You won't," Mason agreed firmly.
~m~
The group gathered in the courtyard, all of them apprehensive and puzzled. Beth cast a quizzical glance at Mason from across the picnic table where they sat. Mason just nodded in Rick's direction.
It took a moment for Rick to begin. Mason knew he was looking for the right words, summoning up the courage to say them, and her heart fluttered in sympathy.
After a glance at Mason, who nodded encouragingly, he said, "When I met with the Governor, he offered me a deal. He said he would leave us alone, if I gave him Michonne. And I was gonna do that, to keep us safe… But I changed my mind. And now Merle took Michonne to fulfill the deal and Daryl went after him and I don't know if it's too late."
Silence hung over the group, all of them looking at each other with shock in their eyes, with horror. Hershel took Beth's hand. Glenn wrapped an arm around Maggie's waist.
"I was wrong not to tell you," Rick continued. "I'm sorry. What I said last year, that first night after the farm? It can't be like that. It can't. What we do, what we're willing to do, who we are- it's not my call. It can't be. I couldn't sacrifice one of us for the greater good because we are the greater good. We're the reason we're still here, not me.
"This is life and death. How you live. How you die. It isn't up to me. I'm not your governor. We choose to go. We choose to stay. We stick together and we vote. We can stay and we can fight, or we can go."
Rick looked around at all of their faces before walking away.
Everyone stared after him, and then at each other. Hershel and Mason exchanged a long, loaded look before Hershel spoke.
"So? What is it gonna be?"
"We can't leave," Maggie said. "This is our home."
"No, we can't," Glenn agreed.
"We can't fight," Carol said. "There aren't nearly enough of us. We'll be slaughtered."
"We can find a way," Mason said. "There has to be a way."
Beth eyed her sharply. Her eyes glittered. Blue fire. Her cheeks were flushed pink with exhilaration. Mason couldn't look away and didn't want to.
Beth squared her shoulders and stood up.
"I know a way."