"Ben, put your underwear on!" Adam hollered as he tried to get the boys ready to leave. "And don't put them on your head!"

Lindsay chuckled as she listened to the playful screaming and roughhousing downstairs. It was the end of the school week and the boys were full of energy and could not be settled down. Avery had fed off of it for a while, but had eventually worn out and joined Lindsay upstairs, watching her get dressed and put her make-up on.

"Mama, this?"

"That's lipstick honey," Lindsay answered, rescuing the small tube from curious hands and exchanging it for a blush applicator. "Here, play with this."

"Oh! Mama, this nice!" she said, rubbing it on her face. "Soft."

"Yes it is."

"Pretty on?"

"No, you don't need makeup on there. You're pretty all by yourself."

"Okay," she giggled, running the brush up and down her arm. "So nice."

"Are you going to be good for Mac and Jo tonight honey?"

"Mac Jo?"

"Yeah, you kids get to go over there for a few hours. Is that okay with you? You'll probably fall asleep over there."

"Alwite mama," she agreed with a nod, her curls bouncing.

"That's my girl."

"Mama daddy bye?"

"We are going to go out to dinner with Danny and Austin."

"Okay. Oh hi daddy!"

"Hey Tink. Did you know your brothers are crazy and have entirely too much energy to be healthy?"

"Ah daddy. Mama see?"

"Yeah, I see her. I can't keep lookin' at her or my heart might stop."

"Oh brother," Lindsay muttered, rolling her eyes. "Avery why don't you let daddy change your diaper?"

"Uh-huh daddy," Avery nodded, taking his hand. "Diaper."

"You know babe I think women wear makeup so they always have an excuse for not getting the kids ready."

"Oh no Avery, he's on to us!"

"To us!" Avery laughed, jumping up and down.

"You girls, what am I going to do with you?"

"Buy us pretty things."

"Avery, I've got to get you out of here before your mama brainwashes you."

She laughed as he galloped out the door and down the stairs into her bedroom where he changed her diaper and her shirt which had drool all over it.

"There, much better. Look at my beautiful girl," he said, kissing her cheek. "Do you know how much I love you Averylin Grace?"

"Dance, daddy!"

He swung her into his arms and they danced around the room together for a while before the boys came in.

"Are we leavin' yet daddy?" Colton asked, adjusting the blanket that was draped over the side of Avery's crib.

"In a little while," Adam replied putting Avery down. She stepped onto his feet and held her hands up, tipping her head to the side.

"Dance daddy," she requested again. He smiled and took her hands, dancing her in a circle while she looked up at him like he was her own Prince Charming.

"Hey Aves, wanna dance with me?" Colton asked, holding his hand out to her after a moment.

"Okay Coley," she said delightedly, stepping onto his feet. Ben doted on her and always played with her and told her that she was cute and he loved her. Colton didn't pay as much attention to her and she really wanted him to, so when he finally did it made her feel extra special.

"Daddy could sons dance with daddies?" Ben asked curiously, his hand on his hip.

"Sure buddy, why not?"

"I like your softy hands, Aves," Colton said seriously. "You sure are gettin' tall. I remember when you was born and you were just a tiny little baby. And now you're a grown up girl!"

"Yep!"

"I been tellin' you Cole," Ben giggled as Adam spun him around. "She's a fun kid to play with. You can tell her to do stuffs what get us in trouble and she will do them. Like stealin' cookies!"

"Yeah cookies!"

"Ben, you've been having your sister steal cookies?"

"I forgotted you were listening daddy."

"Well maybe you should think next time if that is being a good example for your sister."

"You're right daddy. Sissy, sorry for teachin' you to steal cookies from the jar. Tomorrow I will teach you how to ask for them with what's called a puppy face."

"Okay Ben!"

"Are you guys ready to go?" Lindsay asked, peeking into the room. "We're running late as usual."

"Yeah, but who was the last one ready? I believe that would be you."

"Adam, don't use logic on me."

"Danny and Austin are going to be later than we are."

"I doubt it. She just texted me and said they were ready ten minutes early and they're going to beat us there. I hate that she knows I'm competitive."

"Alright kids, let's go before mama starts shooting steam out of her ears."

"That would be so funny!" Ben laughed. "Mama, can you really do that?"

"I've never tried. I usually end up pinchin' your daddy instead."

"Watch out, she's got claws!" Adam laughed, sliding passed her and out the bedroom door. The kids hooted with laughter and followed him while Lindsay picked up the few things off the floor and turned the light off.

Jo had been begging to see the kids because she hadn't been able to spend much time with any of them recently and she missed them. The kids had been asking to see her and Mac too, so it seemed like a good excuse for the grown-ups to have dinner. Add to that the fact that the events of the last several months had finally caught up to Lindsay last night and she definitely needed to get out of the house and away from normal life for a while.

"I can't believe you guys do that," Austin muttered, chewing on an ice-cube because the waitress hadn't come back to refill their drinks.

"Do what?"

"Swap dinners. Halfway through without even discussing it, you just swapped."

"We've always done that," Lindsay said with a shrug. "You're just now noticing it?"

"Yeah. You don't find it weird at all?"

"That we share dinner? No, I don't."

"And you don't mind either Adam?"

"Nah. I get a little confused, I mean tonight she doesn't mind sharing dinner but last night she accused me of eating an entire batch of cookies then lying about it."

Danny snorted his amusement and shook his head.

"Was she really misguided in thinkin' that?"

"No because I've done it before but I would admit it if I had. She just wouldn't take no for an answer and she kept saying "Well if you didn't eat the cookies Adam where did they go?" And the kids were in bed and the dog was asleep and I didn't know where they went and then she started freaking out because maybe she'd eaten a whole dozen cookies and forgotten about it and she went to bed thinking she was crazy and needed to go to the gym and this morning she wakes up and realizes she turned the oven off but didn't take the cookies out of it first."

"Okay, laugh if you must, but who was the one doing laundry, cleaning up after dinner, letting the dog out because he's been going all over the floor, making sure the cat doesn't step in what the dog left on the floor, putting the kids to bed, doing another thing of dishes, answering the phone when your mom was feeling chatty, making three dozen cookies for Colton's bake sale and trying to pay the bills while someone else was sitting on the couch, playing video games and yelling at the screen so loud that he woke up two out of three of the aforementioned children?"

"See, I was busy playing video games, how could I have eaten the cookies? Also that was a run-on sentence."

She pursed her lips in annoyance, but couldn't stay that way for long, and burst into laughter.

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Because I'm hot."

"No, that's not why. Sorry honey."

"Oh, that was harsh. You okay there buddy? Need a drink?"

"Nah, I'm used to her insults. I'm just happy she's still payin' attention to me."

"Be more pathetic honey I dare you."

"I'm going to go weep in a corner now unless you tell me that you should have believed me when I said I didn't eat the cookies."

"I should have believed you when you said you didn't eat the cookies."

"You're very sorry and it won't happen again."

"You're pushin' it bud."

"Are you guys like this when you're alone too?" Austin chuckled, trying once again to flag down the waitress.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You amuse yourselves, don't you?"

"Most of the time. But really we're no weirder than when you girls are together."

"I guess that's probably true," Austin admitted while Lindsay tried not to laugh, certain that some of their escapades were better kept secret from the guys.

"I've got quarters, I'm going to go use them," Adam sighed, sliding out from the booth and nodding towards the arcade.

"I'm comin' too. Air hockey rematch?"

"Sure."

The guys got up and wandered off to the arcade, from whence they were certain to come back sweaty and arguing, as they always did when they set themselves up to compete at something.

"So have you told him yet?" Austin asked, resorting to spinning her straw around in her glass.

"Told who what?"

"Told Adam about seeing his dad."

"How did you know about that?"

"Danny can't keep his mouth shut."

"Oh."

"You haven't told Adam, have you?"

"No. I'm telling him tonight though."

"Why tonight?"

"Last night was bad. I can't keep it from him anymore. The longer I ignore it the longer I'm stuck in it. I don't want to be there anymore. In a place where my kid is gone and I can't do anything about it. It's time for it to be over."

"How do you think Adam's going to do with it?"

"He's going to be pretty upset. Not really about what his dad said or even that I went without telling him but that I've kept it from him for so long."

"You thought you were protecting him."

"Kind of. I just wanted him to be okay with everything. He was finally moving on and I didn't want to hold him back."

"Keeping it from him doesn't help either one of you."

"I know, Austin. I'm going to fix it and its going to be okay. I mean, what would you want if you were in his position?"

"I have been. Danny went and let my dad have it once. He came home and told me right after it happened. It didn't make anything hurt more, Linds, all it did was make me realize how much Danny loved me."

"I know I screwed up, you don't have to tell me again."

"Linds, I don't think you were protecting him. I think you were protecting you."

"If anyone else said that to me…"

"I know, which is why I did."

"Look, I don't need you to make me feel guilty about it."

"I'm not trying to Linds. Sometimes you just need to hear things again, for that moment when you try to tell him and you chicken out."

"I hate that you know me so well."

"Hi, I'm your conscience!"

Lindsay chuckled wryly and shook her head, feeling a stress headache coming on.

"Do you think I will ever stop screwing up?"

"If you stop being human you might have a shot."

"Commencing robot status…"

"I love you Lin."

"I love you too."

"I'm not the perfect wife, you know. I'm selfish and impatient and whiny. None of us are perfect, but I think we've all learned forgiveness pretty well."

"I hope so."

"It'll be fine, Lin. He loves you and he can't stay mad at you for long, even when he tries."

"I know."

"You'll call me if it's bad?"

"I always do."

"So Ben's teacher talked to me when I picked him up today," Adam mused, twisting a strand of Lindsay's hair around his finger.

"Is he in trouble?"

"No, it was his first day doing show and tell. He didn't bring anything to show. And you know how hard it is to shut him up when he gets talking."

"Yeah. I'm worried."

"He was telling about his family and he felt it important to mention that mama and daddy wrestle at night a lot."

"No."

"Yeah. I really hope it never occurs to him one day what that actually is."

"So like he saw it or um… heard it or… what?"

"I asked him. He said that that's just what he thought we were doing when we were laughing with the door closed and why your hair is messy later."

"I am never going to be able to drop him off again."

"I don't think she's going to look at you funny. Might be a little jealous."

"Okay, we've got to get off this topic."

"Serious face have you. Weighing on your shoulders something is?"

She gave him a small smile and sat up a little, reaching over to run her fingers through his hair.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," she started, taking a deep breath. "I mean, you have every right to be mad, but I didn't do this to hurt you or to make you mad. Does that make sense?"

"It would make a lot more sense if you told me what you were getting at."

"I went to see your father."

"What?"

"The day after the trial. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

He fell silent for a moment, not meeting her eyes as he tried to take in what she'd told him. He hated that she'd waited so long to tell him and he felt like he deserved honesty right away, but he knew that she'd done it for a reason, misguided or not.

"What happened?"

"I just asked him why. He said the same things he normally does and I told him off and then I left."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to have to deal with it right then."

"You think I can't handle things?"

"No, I just didn't want you to have to."

"Why did you go?"

"I wanted him to know that I hate him."

"Babe."

"Honestly, I just thought about going and what it would feel like and what I would say and suddenly I was there, I didn't think about the why."

"Who else knows?"

"I told Danny. He told Austin. That's all."

"You told Danny?"

"You talk to Austin about things that you don't talk to me about."

"Okay, I get it."

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm frustrated with you," he said on a sigh, taking her hand. "We always promise that we're going to be completely honest even when we don't want to be. And then something like this happens."

"You don't trust me do you?"

"I trust you babe. I really do. But it feels like you don't have much faith in me."

"I do. It's like when you wash my car for me. It's not because you think I can't do it, it's because you love me and don't want me to have to do it."

"This is a little different than washing a car, Lindsay."

"I know. I just am never sure what do to in situations like that. I want to protect you but I don't want to keep it from you and I have to decide if it's easier on you to tell you now or to tell you later. I never know what's going to be better and so I put it off and… I'm sorry honey."

"I know you are. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to start wondering what else you've kept from me."

"There's nothing. I swear. And you don't have to believe that but there really has been nothing. I don't do it to hurt you."

"I'm going to get up and go sit downstairs for a while."

"Okay."

"It's not that I'm mad at you sweetie. I just need to have some time to think about all this, okay?"

"I'm sorry."

"I know. I'll be back up in a little while."

He stood up from the bed and went down stairs while she stared at the ceiling. She was never going to be a good wife, she was always going to screw up, she would never be able to support him the way he needed. He should have fallen in love with someone else, someone who would never do things that made him leave the room or go for a walk or any of the other things that her actions had caused Adam to do all the coping things he'd done in the past. She wished that just for once she would do the right thing for him in these situations. Just one time her actions wouldn't oppose her heart and she could actually help him instead of hindering his healing process. As it stood she only seemed to keep throwing up roadblocks no matter how good her intentions were. She hated herself for that and she would never do those things again if she could just figure out what she should be doing instead.

"Mama?"

She glanced over at the door and found Avery standing there, her curly hair a mess and her nightgown falling off one shoulder.

"Baby, how did you get out of bed? Did you climb over the crib?"

"Uh-huh. Fall."

"Come on, let's put you back to bed."

"No. Mama daddy."

"You can't sleep with us tonight sweetheart."

Avery burst into sad tears and Lindsay picked her up, cuddling her close and trying to calm her. She'd probably woken up and thought it was morning and was now upset that she wouldn't be getting her morning cuddles.

"Want mama to rock you for a bit?"

"Yes."

"Sweetie, you're burning up," she sighed, checking Avery's forehead and cheeks.

"Ow mama."

"Does your belly hurt?"

Avery shrugged her shoulders and pointed at her nose, then buried her face in Lindsay's shoulder.

"Oh you're just getting a cold. Want mama to get you some medicine and rock you for a while?"

"Uh-oh. Oh no."

"What's the matter?"

The words were barely out of her mouth before Avery lurched forward and threw up all over both of them, then burst into tears.

"It's okay sweetie. It's okay. Let's go get in the tub. You're fine."

Avery kept crying as they made their way downstairs and into the bathroom where Lindsay turned on the water to fill the tub.

"Linds, what's going on?"

"Avery's sick," she answered, not looking up at him. "There's a mess on the floor in our room."

"I'll clean it up. Want me to bring you something else to wear?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

He nodded and went back up to their room while Avery sniffled and rubbed at her eyes.

"Ewwie, mama."

"I know. It's okay. Let's get you into the tub."

Avery shivered even though the water was warm, and she didn't splash around like she normally did.

"Here's new clothes," Adam said. "And I didn't know you meant the mess was right in the doorway."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll just throw the socks in the wash."

Lindsay nodded and changed into the clean clothes, letting him take the dirty ones down to the washer. He'd never been finicky about their children's bodily fluids and she was glad she didn't get stuck with the comforting and the clean up.

"Are you feeling better honey?"

"No."

"Do you want a drink of water?"

"No."

"Do you want cuddles?"

"No."

"Okay, do you want to stay in the tub?"

"No."

She sighed and rested her chin on the porcelain watching as Avery scooted a toy around in the water. She certainly wasn't her normal self and Lindsay suddenly realized the Avery had never been sick before. Save for a few sniffles here and there, she'd always been healthy, even moreso than the boys, so this sudden illness was a little disconcerting.

"I threw everything in the wash. Need any help in here?"

"I think we're okay."

She expected Adam to go back upstairs and go to bed, but he knelt down next to her on the bathmat, reaching over to rub her back.

"We're okay, hon. Just something else to work through."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. Now I know and I'm fine with it. We're good. We can move on."

"Okay."

"Unless there's anything else you want to tell me."

"Just that you're pretty cute."

"Thank you."

"No," she said with a little tease in her voice. "Thank you."

"Uh mama?"

"What baby?"

Avery whimpered and was sick again, right into the bathwater. She shrieked and tried to get away and Adam whisked her out of the water before it could get to her.

"This is going to be a very long night," he said with a sigh.

"And I just heard the boys wake up. Want to bet we're not going to get any sleep?"

"Bet you a back rub."

"Deal."