Author's Note: I'm very sorry for the long wait. My computer broke and it took me a while to get it fixed. Plus I had a huge case of writer's block. Well i'm sorry and here's the next chapter. Enjoy.

Chapter 14: Revelations

Silence, and the occasional whimper could be heard inside of Don's room. The olive green turtle sat, with his shell against the bed, knees against his plastron and arms wrapped around his legs. His mind in overdrive as the memory of what happened not so long ago kept replaying in his head. Watching himself pick up the pen and stabbing the guy. Watching him gasp as he fell to the ground…dead.

Both of Don's eyes shut after that part, dead. He had taken a life…a first for him. All he could remember is that after realizing he was gone that a churning happened in his stomach and he could feel the bile rising up to his mouth. He then threw up the contents of his stomach into the nearest trash bin, feeling sick at the very thought of what he did.

He couldn't clearly remember what happened after that, all he knew was that he was escorted back to his room. His escort saying something, but it fell on deaf ears as his mind was on what had happened. Once alone he just curled himself against the bed and whimpered. He wasn't sure what to do now, he had taken a life and now he's feeling things he wasn't sure he should be feeling. Most of which was sickness, terror…and regret.

Sickness, because his stomach churned at the thought of what he did. Should he feel like this? Is this what killing does? Terror because whenever he closed his eyes he could see that man's face, just staring at him. No matter what he thought of he couldn't rid himself of the images. Regret…mainly because he felt as if killing the guy was wrong. But he kept telling himself that Gavin would have died if he didn't do something. But yet he could have easily disabled the man if he thought it through…couldn't he?

Either way what done was done and nothing could change that. He jumped when he felt his should being touched. Flinching he turned and saw Gavin kneeling right next to him.

"Are…are you ok?" The human asked.

Donny didn't answer at first as he started to breathe heavily a bit because of the shock of being surprised. He took a minute to recompose himself.

"What…what are you doing here?" He asked, still sitting on the floor.

Gavin looked at the floor, the olive green turtle could have sworn he saw…shame of some sort on the human's face. "I just…came to check on you…after…you know."

Don's eyes closed as he was reminded of the incident, the feeling that were brought of it only heightening. "Thanks…I guess."

Gavin then sat down next to Don, silence filling the room once again as none of them spoke or looked at one another. Things started to become awkward as they remained in each other's presence. Gavin was the first to break the uncomfortable silence, "Why?"

"What?" Don responded in surprise, looking over at the human.

"Why did you do it?" He responded in a low voice, adverting any eye contact. "Why did you save me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't even know me…We only met a few days ago and you possibly risked your life to save mine," Gavin then finally looked at Don's face. "Why did you do it?"

The question made Donny silent once again, he knew the answer but yet he didn't say it immediately. He averted eye contact as his eyes closed again, but that was a mistake. The guy's face returned, staring at him which made him silently whimper and shed a tear. He temporary rid himself of the image by opening his eyes and mumbled something.

"What?" Gavin asked, not being able to hear it.

"You're my friend." That comment caught the human off guard as he opened his mouth but he was stopped by the turtle. "Let me speak…please and don't interrupt."

Don then took a minute to compose himself as he started to explain himself to the human. "I've been by myself for the better part of a year. Every person I've met has been cruel to me or…has some kind of ulterior motive. But…you…you are different. You actually care for me and took the time out to talk and check on me. You are the only friend I have…So when I saw you in trouble I just acted…I didn't want to lose my only friend."

Hearing the turtle's explanation shocked Gavin, he's surprised that Don considered him a friend. Yet he wasn't as shocked because part of him somehow knew this. Still it made things make sense as to why the turtle nearly risked his life to save his.

"Well…thank you," Gavin responded in a low voice. "So…How are you feeling?"

This made Don whimper again, "I can see his face…every time I close my eyes. He's just looking at me and he won't stop."

"I'm sorry to say…but that always happens. It's just how things go when someone takes a life," Gavin tried to comfort his friend. "I'm not sure how long it last but it'll get better in time."

"But I want It to end now…I don't like it," Don's body shook as he talked more.

"Don't worry…I may not know how it feels…but I'll help you," he placed a hand on the turtle's shoulder.

"Really?" Don responded, a bit of hope filling him.

"Yeah…that's what friends are for."

Way outside of town, in the middle of the woods stood a farm house, the one that was owned by Casey and is currently where the turtles, Splinter and their human friends rested. After the rat sensei said they should take a rest they all drove up to here and started to rest and relax. Yet that was a hard thing to do with what was happening on all their minds.

They all couldn't fully relax at all, not with Donny on their minds. It just felt like they couldn't truly rest until they found him again. Even training in the mornings weren't the same. Their performances were effected and not even Leo could perform up to par.

Splinter saw this and couldn't help that much. He knew what was on his son's minds but tried his best to help them. But he wasn't sure how to keep their spirits up.

Right now it was the middle of the night, and every window in the house was dark as everyone slept. Well actually there was one window that glowed with light. In the den downstairs a fire roared in the fireplace, the orange and red colors crackling as it cast light in the small room.

Michelangelo kneeled before the fire as he feed a log into the flame, fueling it for a while longer. The youngest turtle stared into the flames lost in thought. Sleep had managed to elude him tonight, he kept tossing and turning in bed wide awake. After laying down for a couple of hours the orange clad turtle decided that he wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight so he got up and started up a fire.

As far as he knows he was currently the only one up at the moment, which was fine for now. It didn't take a genius to know what was plaguing his mind right now. "How much longer?" He said out loud to himself. "How much longer till we can get back to searching?"

They had been out here for a few days already and they were anxious to get back to the search. They couldn't fully relax knowing that there's a chance they could miss something that would help them find their brother. Nothing could be gained if they stayed here any longer. They all knew Master Splinter was right in saying they needed a rest, but how can they fully relax given the situation?

Mikey then turned his head as a creak could be heard. Looking at the stairwell he found his eldest brother Leo coming down. The blue clad turtle looked and saw his youngest brother in front of the fire place, fire already ablaze.

"Couldn't sleep?" Was the first thing he asked.

"Yeah…you too?"

Leo nodded as he moved over to the kitchen, "Want some tea?"

At first Mikey was going to decline but held his tongue. In truth tea wasn't something he drank regularly but heck some of the time when he drank some it helped sooth him. So why not give it a chance given the current situation. "Sure," he nodded to his brother.

Leo nodded back as he opened a bottom cabinet and grabbed the tea kettle. Opening it up he place the object in the sink and started to fill it with water. Once he filled it up the water was shut off as the container is then placed on the stove and the heat turned on.

"Are we terrible brothers?" Mikey's suddenly asked, which caught Leo off guard.

"What?" the leaf green turtle responded, not sure if he heard his brother right.

"Are we terrible brothers? You know staying here instead of looking for Don?" Mikey finally explained, wanting an honest answer from his brother.

Leo sighed as he walked back to the den, thinking of a response to tell his youngest brother. "I'm not truly sure of that. I mean yes we should be looking for him right now, but…Master Splinter is also right since we need to rest ourselves in case there is a situation needed where we need to be at full strength."

"But what about before all this happened?"

"What do you mean about that?" Leo asked with a raised eye.

"Before Donny was taken…were we good brothers to him at all?" Both brothers were silent after Mikey said that, each one of them looking at the other.

Leo then started to think about the question. All in all he could say that they treated Don equally out of all the times he could recall. But then reality then started to hit him as little moments he overlooked started to surface.

Most of the time either brother was doing something Don would always be in his lab by himself. Most of the time when they got to see their brother was either during breakfast, training, patrol and the occasional break he took. The blue clad turtle can truly say that not him or his other brothers share the same interest as Don.

Plus there was the fact that sometimes Raph and Mikey would occasionally make fun of him by calling him names. Plus the fact that most of the time when Donny had built something it would always be broken, only to have him fix it later.

Leo started to feel bad as he started to think about this. All the things he hand his brothers over looked when it came to their intellectual brother. "I…I think we took Don for granted."

That caused a sigh to escape from Mikey, "I thought you'd say that."

"The truth hurts," A new voice spoke up.

Leo and Mikey turned to look at the stairs and found Raph walking down. "Couldn't sleep either?" the blue clad turtle asked.

"Haven't been able to," the emerald green turtle responded as he leaned against the stair post. "Heard voices and decided to come join in on the conversation."

"Well, it's a bad one to let you know," Mikey responded.

"I know," Raph responded in a low voice.

"I guess you two realize it as well?" Leo asked his two brother, said turtles looked at the floor in silence.

"And you know the thing that doesn't make sense?" Raph asked out loud. "Donny never complained about all the hard times we've given him."

"All the stuff we broke and asked him to fix, he fixed them without complaint," Mikey said next, all of them slowly feeling bad as they talked about this. "When was the last time he got to work on something that was just for him?"

The question went on without an answer as silence followed. The only other sound made was the tea kettle whistle, announcing the water is boiling. Leo walked over and took the pot off the stove and then pulled out three cups and the tea bags.

"I know what you mean," Leo started to say as he fixed the tea. "You guys know how Donny can get when he's angry…but it was rare to see that."

"It would take a lot to get him ticked off," Raph spoke up and then chuckled as he remember something. "Like one time I wrecked the sewer slider…man Don was so ticked that he chased me around the lair with a sledgehammer."

Mikey laughed some after hearing that, "I think I remember that. I was in my room at the time and remember hearing you shouting. I can't believe I missed that."

"Well thankfully he managed to cool down before he could actually use it on me."

"That was the thing about Don, he's always forgiving, no matter what we do to him," Leo responded as he walked back to the den with a cup of steaming tea in each hand. He handed the first one to Mikey, who took it gracefully. He then held the other cup to Raph.

The red clad turtle started at it and rose an eye, "Leo I'm not much of a tea drinker."

"Just drink it, it'll help," Leo pushed it more. With a sigh Raph took the cup and saw his brother move back to grab his own cup.

The emerald green turtle then took a sip of the liquid, cringing a bit at the herbal taste it gave him. Even though he didn't like it he still drank it.

"And you guys want to know something?" Mike spoke up after taking a sip of his own. Both brothers looked at him waiting to hear what he had to say. "Even though we did all that to him…Donny was still willing to help out with our personal problems."

They all then started to think about that, remembering how Donatello took the time out of his busy day help them when they need it. And the thing that made them feel bad is the fact that their brother never really asked for anything in return. That's another thing about Don, he would never say if any one owed him anything. He would help and that was that.

Mikey then got up and walked over to the nearby couch, sitting down on the soft cushions it had. "You guys know I still have nightmares right?" He asked, he didn't need to look up to see their nods. "Well every time I would wake up in the middle of the night because of the nightmares I would always go to Don's room. I don't know how he did it but every time he knows I'm there and wakes up. He just takes one look at me and knows what happened. He lets me stay with him for the night, so that way I won't have another nightmare."

"He really does that?" Raph asked, still leaning against the stair rail.

"Every time. I can count on him to help me with that, shell he even told me any time it happened I would always be welcomed."

The red clad turtle shook his head as he took another sip of the hot liquid, now staring down at the floor. "You guys know about the time when I let my anger get the best of me?"

"How can't we," Mikey joked with a chuckle.

Raph decided to let that comment slid…for now. "Anyway you know the times when I would get real angry and mostly anything would set me off?"

"Oh yeah," Leo responded as he leaned on the back rest of the couch. "Those are the times when I just tell everyone to stay out of your way."

"Yeah a scary Raph isn't fun to be around," Mikey said chuckling again, but this time Raph did it as well, surpring the three.

"Well Don wasn't afraid to get near me when I was in that mood. I don't know how he does it but he always knew what to say to calm me down," Raph explained in a low voice, which was still loud enough for his brothers to hear him. "He acted like an anger councilor to me…always trying to help me control my temper. I know I would never admit it, but I am now…I'm glad he did all that for me. Who knows what kind of damage I could have done if I remained in that state."

"It still puzzles me on how he could do all this and not expect anything in return," Leo responded after hearing this. It surprised Mikey and himself hearing that, they wouldn't have expected for their brother to admit something like that. It just made them realize how much more important their brother is to them.

"It just proves how generous he is," Mikey responded as he leaned forward on the couch, looking at the flames in the fire place. "I mean it's because of him that we have all the things we have in the lair…shell he's the reason why our home is livable."

"He wired it so we could have electricity," Raph listed off first.

"He repaired all the TV's and electronics we all have," Mikey spoke next, listing more things off.

"Constructed the Battle Shell," Leo said third as he took another sip of his tea.

"Makes all the equipment we use in battle," Raph took over with listing.

"He…he made the security system that keeps our home safe," Mikey responded in a lower voice, which made the other brothers go silent. It never really occurred to them till now it was because of their genius brother that their home was kept safe and hidden from their enemies. "Like when the Foot were searching for our home…they didn't find it because of Donny."

"He's truly the one that keeps us safe," Leo admitted as he looked down at the floor. Mikey and Raph realized this as well. It was because of all of Don's security measures is what gave them the piece of mind so they could sleep soundly at night. A few seconds of silence passed as he let out a long sigh. "He's also the reason why I can function as a leader."

"What?" Mikey and Raph responded in surprised, both their eyes locked onto their older brother.

"It's like what I said," He looked up to meet their gazes. "I always have doubts about myself when it comes to leading. I have to worry about all of you and make sure I'm strong and skilled enough to protect everyone when the situation demands it. Usually at the end of the day it can take its toll on me."

"But…don't we all usually feel like that always?" Mikey asked, still surprised at hearing this.

"Yes but…sometimes there are moments when it all just start to become too much. I start thinking whether or not if I'm not good enough anymore or if what I'm doing is actually working. All that continues to build up to the point where I just want to quit."

"Then what kept you from doing so?" Raph asked, now curious as to what his brother is saying.

"Donny…Raph you know those times when we really get into it and you can tell something is wrong with me?"

The red clad turtle nodded, "Yeah, you always brush me off saying nothing is the matter."

"Well, no surprise, there is something wrong with me. It's during those times when the feelings I told you about are building up. I don't know how but I usually find myself in the same room as Don. He doesn't press the issue when he asks if something is troubling me…" he continued to look down at the floor as a sigh was let out. "I just…open myself up to him and tell what's troubling me. He listens to everything I have to say. Don reassures me that I'm doing everything right and there's no faults what so ever. The surprising thing…I don't question his feedback. There's just something in his words that makes me believe what he's telling me. I can get over my doubts because of his advice…and I can continue leading without worries."

"So…you'll still able to lead because of Don?" Mikey asked Leo, who nodded in response. "And you can get your anger under control from time to time because of him also?" He asked Raph, who nodded as well. "And…I can get through some nights because of Don as well." There was a surprising silence as the orange clad turtle addressed the help their brother gave them. Making them realize the true extent of what he did for them all.

"It seems like Donny does a lot for all of us," Raph said out loud as he pushed himself from the stair rail. "But who helps him?"

This caused another silence but this one out of guilt. They realized that they didn't know about what kind of problems their brother went through. Or who's there for him when he has person issues of his own. No one bothered to listen to him when he explains his inventions, or help him when he needs it. This proved how much invisible he is to them most of their lives.

"We are bad brothers to him…always calling him names…not bothering to listen when he's talking about his inventions," Raph started to talk, his body trembling and voice filled with anger. Which was aimed toward himself.

"Never once offering to help him out just because we wanted to," Leo took over next, voice filled with regret. "Only asking him for favors that are only for us only."

"Always breaking things…and having Don fix them," Mikey then stated last. The words or what they all done floating up in the air, filling the room with anger, guilt and regret.

Yet it still marveled them on how Don could be so forgiving to them all despite all that they done to him. He still helped them out and never complained. He did so much for them and yet never asked for anything in return, and went above and beyond with ended with the same results. If there was a new definition for selfless, Donatello's picture would be next to it.

Mikey's hand clenched around the cup as his arm shook. "We're going to find him…and once we do we're going to apologize for all the bad we done to him…I know for one thing I'm not going to be the same selfish brother to him, not anymore."

Both Leo and Raph were shocked at hearing their brother's words but yet weren't at the same time. He was right and they both looked at one another and gave a nod before Leo spoke, "We agree with you there Mikey. Things are going to be different once we get him back that's for sure."

Almost as if they all were thinking the same thing they all looked down at their right hands, a faded scar of where they sliced their hands and made their blood promise. The memory still fresh in their head and now as strong as ever. The fire of hope renewed in them as they were more determined than ever to find Donny. They would never give up their search, not now, not ever.

Raph then moved closer to his brothers and out stretched his arm, which held the cup of tea. "To Don."

"To Donny," Mikey seconded as he raised his cup.

"To Donatello," Leo finished as he held his cup out.

They all clinked their cups together and took a long drink in silence, all in honor of their genius brother. They found out a lot about themselves tonight and Don. They were more determined than ever to continue the search. They were going to find him, they were sure of that.

A/N: Hope you like. Once again i'm sorry for the long wait. Hopefully my computer doesn't act up and I won't have a bad case of writer's block. Once again i'm going to state that i'm going to finish the story, it may take long but I won't leave it unfinish. I thank those who waited. I'll try to ahve the next chapter up soon. Till then.