aha..ahaha.. so i know some of you were expecting sumt and whatnot, but unconfident author is unconfident in her ability to write realistic lemons (might try if asked for it though) so enjoy the Raijin quartet and some shizaya instead in this mock short epilogue thing o.-''

/shot

brief note: i typed the chat up the way i thought each character would type, if they were conversing in english. based on personality, i guess.

"Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
its there and sitting down
on it
― e.e. cummings, Humanity i love you

"Yes, Shiki-san― of course, yes. I know. I get it okay? Promise. Argh! Are you serious? After all I've freaking ― will you let it go already! Whatever― wait, wha―don't you dare―" Izaya squawked in offense, his back straightening as he glared down at his beeping cellphone. "Can you believe him? He hung up on me. The bastard hung up. On me. And I'm in a dress― who on earth treats a woman that way, hm? No one. That's who. Because it's rude." He huffed, burying his cold nose into the nape of Shizuo's neck. "I'll bet he doesn't treat his wife like that, ne?"

Shizuo didn't react to the broker's complaining, nor did he care much. He shifted, adjusting Izaya, who'd taken the his jacket despite the ridiculous size difference and obliged Shizuo to give him a ride home on his back. After he had, quite effectively, sabotaged Izaya's more or less incognito mission, the raven had huffed and whined and hit him in order to get what he wanted. It wasn't like it was particularly painful, but it was the type of annoying nagging that left Shizuo wanting to knock Izaya out for the rest of forever. Not to mention, Izaya had been livid.

Izaya sighed, pocketing his phone and pressing deeper into Shizuo's warm back, his long, bare-footed legs locking tightly around the man, as the blond gripped his thighs in fear, Izaya supposed, of dropping him. Not that with all that strength he would, but he decided to forgive the mildly drunken man. It was strange; if someone had come to him that very morning and told him he'd be carried home by both Shizuo and his peach-esque shampoo musk, he probably would have had Shinra dissect them for possible palpable levels of stupidity. Though right then, with his arms crossed over Shizuo's chest, the expensive wig fisted in his right hand― it hadn't seemed so bad.

He huffed, watching his natural bangs blow in the brisk dawn air. "You're so slow, Shizu-chan."

"You do nothing but complain." Kadota added, the grumpiest and most drunk of all of them, having taken one of the two, now very much broken, stilettos to the face. Izaya had gone into rage back at the bar, slipping off one of his shoes and expertly throwing it Shizuo's direction, with the full intention of hurting the man had he not dodged. Kadota, who was unaware that Izaya knew where he stood, was painfully unprepared for the demonic gaze and high-heel that were directed at him violently straight after. He continued nursing his most likely broken nose, eyes wandering every now and then to the heel-broken platforms that Shizuo carried for the man on his back.

"Not my fault you both are utter and absolute assholes to me most of the time, unbelievable. I was always the bullied one of all of you. Poor Shinra was the only one who ever stood up for me!" Kadota snorted, and ignored Izaya's indignant squeak at the 'yeah, right' he'd muttered.

"Go to sleep, Izaya." Shizuo spoke softly, and Izaya balked at the tone. It was so unlike him, so calm and warm and - Izaya didn't even understand it enough to finish the thought. Kadota drew in a breath and stayed silent for the most of it. Izaya rested his head on Shizuo's shoulder, deciding he would give them hell for this tomorrow. He'd sleep it off for now.

"I really don't believe you guys! Going out and having fun without me, you're really very horrible." Shinra frowned, looking much like a child who was asked to stay at home and study on the weekend. He handed Izaya another ice-cube, wrapped tightly in a blue cloth, to nurse the bruises on his feet and waist, watching the man grin hotly back at him in unhidden distaste. The glare itself didn't do much to deter Shinra's pouty, bubbly mood. Nothing about Izaya seemed even mildly threatening, not with the slightly worn looking eyeliner or the paling lipstick.

Shinra finished bandaging Kadota's nose with a cheerful hum, before getting up, "you know, Shizuo, I would've never even known you guys were here had Tom-san not called me and told me you hadn't made it to work today. He wanted me to check up on you. You could have died!"

"Your voice," Shizuo hissed in a dry rasp, his head tipped back on the sofa. He had an arm thrown over the back of the couch, where Izaya curled into him, the other propped heavily and tauntingly over his glaring eyes, "is too fucking loud."

"Mm," Izaya hummed in agreement, pressing his closed eyes into the crook Shizuo's neck to avoid the blazing sun, which seemed too radiant for the winter. Shinra, so sweet in his nature, had barged into Shizuo's unlocked apartment and peeled open every single curtain Kadota had spent the entire early morning fumbling to close. It hadn't helped that all three of them were nursing horrible hangovers.

Izaya's phone broke Shinra's nervous, neck scratching giggles. The informant huffed, not wanting to move from the warmth that the blond provided. Until his phone begun having something akin to a seizure, blaring and ringing and lighting up like downtown Tokyo in the dead of night.

"Fucking hell, flea, shut that thing off before I break it!" Shizuo said, snapping and giving Izaya a slight push. Izaya scowled back at him, mind reeling in pain.

"Easy there, baby," he cooed sarcastically with a harsh smile, "no one's breaking anything of mine, yeah?"

Throwing the ice-cube to the side moodily, Izaya flipped open the phone, listening to Shizuo groan in the background. Regardless of the fact, couldn't say he wasn't grateful for that hand that lay at the small of his back, pressing soft circles. Smirking contently, he felt as though he'd finally gotten a beast put on a rather short leash; the feeling was greater than anything Izaya thought he'd ever enjoy. He'd found the unpredictability pill Shizuo seemed to be taking, and with his skill, he would crush it. With a pleasant intake of breath, Izaya opened his messages, feeling the bile rise up in his throat, half a second in tow.

Setton: Congrats, Kanra! I'm sure Heiwajima will treat you real nice. hmm.

Saika: Oh, I didn't know. Congratulations, I suppose.

Saika: Hope I'm not too late.

Taro Tanaka: oh wow, didn't see that one coming. um, im happy for you?

Taro Tanaka: this is so weird oh god

Setton: I heard from a reliable doctor that the evening's events were.. painful, so to say.

Byakura: r u fucking joking? this piece of shit got laid? + shizuo? wat the hell

Byakura: std time poor shizuo

Saika: It would be nice to just congratulate them..

Byakura: no. this little shit needs to

Byakura: ya know

Byakura: die and watnot

Setton: Have a good one, Kanra-chan! ;3

Taro Tanaka: and be safe.. :p

Byakura: ur encouraging this?

Setton is typing..

Kanra has just logged off.

Izaya was going to die of mortification, he couldn't take much more of that. He snapped his phone closed, laying back against Shizuo, groaning loudly as both the heels of his palms came up to smudge at the remaining eyeliner. This was ridiculous, and the last thing he'd felt like dealing with.

Masaomi is as stupid as it gets, Izaya thought, frowning. Me, and the monster? Not in this lifeti - Izaya looked up at Shizuo who had his head thrown back, arm over his throbbing forehead. He sighed; with a short, grumpy huff, he threw one of legs over Shizuo's, leaning into the blond's side. Whatever.

Shizuo opened an eye in curiosity, "what did it say?"

"You really, really don't want to know."

fin.

review? :)