"But I don't know where my homework is!" Colton whined, holding up his backpack. "I finished it! Can't you just write a note to my teacher, daddy?"
"Hold on just a second, mom," Adam sighed, moving the phone away from his mouth. "Son, go look in your room on your desk again. If it's not there and it's not in your backpack where it's supposed to go, then you have to deal with the consequences of that."
"But daddy!"
"Go look. See if Ben knows where it is."
Colton stomped off upstairs while Adam tried to get the oatmeal out of Avery's hair.
"Okay, sorry about that mom. Lindsay's on third shift this week and mornings are crazy without her."
"That's alright. You seem to be holding your own."
"I do my best."
"You're a good dad."
"Mostly I believe that, but occasionally I wonder what the heck I've gotten myself into. Avery don't pour your milk on the floor!"
The laughter that came through the phone just made him shake his head and feel comforted in the fact that his mom had probably gone through these same things with him at one point or another.
"When does Lindsay get home?"
"Soon I hope."
"How do you guys sleep when you're on third shift and the other is at work and you have to take care of the kids?"
"Not much," he answered. "And time together? Forget about it."
"You get irritable when she's gone."
"Yes I do."
"Why don't you call me later when you're not being pulled in five different directions."
"I'll call you after the kids go to bed tonight."
"Okay honey. I love you."
"Love you too."
The hung up the phone and he tried to push out of his mind the beginning of their conversation. It had been about his father and he really didn't want to think about it anymore, especially when he wasn't in that great of a mood to begin with. He turned around to clean up the rest of the breakfast dishes when he saw a puddle of milk on the floor with Avery's sippy cup next to it and his daughter nowhere to be found.
"Averylin Grace Ross!" he hollered, going over to look behind the couch where she usually hid when she'd done something wrong. She was sitting back there crying with her hands over her face. For a moment he felt bad about yelling but just because she was crying didn't mean she'd learned her lesson. He picked her up and took her back into the kitchen, giving her a handful of paper towels.
"You need to clean up your mess and then you are going to have two minutes on the step for disobeying."
Her face crumpled and she cried harder, asking for her mama in the false hope that she could pit her parents against each other.
"You can be sad but that doesn't mean you don't get a consequence. Clean up your mess."
She sniffled and wiped the paper towel through the milk, actually doing a decent job of getting most of it off the floor. Adam hadn't expected perfection, just a lesson in obedience, so after a moment he helped her finish then took her over to the stairs to sit for two minutes. She crossed her arms and gave him the most pleading look she could muster, but she knew that her parents did not budge on giving consequences. Resigned to her fate, she sat on the step while Adam went back in the other room to try to finish cleaning up once more.
"Daddy I can't find it!" Colton announced, stomping his foot in frustration. "And Ben won't help me look!"
"I never said Ben had to help you look," Adam said, getting more frustrated with his firstborn than he'd ever been. "You made bad decisions yesterday and now you have to deal with it today. I'm sorry it happened this way-"
"Daddy, I did my homework!"
"Yes, you did. But not when I asked you to get it done. You sat in your room and played until it was almost time for bed and then you decided to do your homework. You are the one that didn't put it back where it goes when you were done and you have no right to be angry at me for it. Now, I need to go talk to Avery and then I will come up there and help you look one more time."
"Fine," Colton sighed, crossing his arms and going back upstairs. He must have stomped too hard on the step Avery was sitting on because she roared at him and tried to slap at his leg as he passed.
"Avery, we don't hit in this house," Adam warned crouching down to get at her eye level.
"No," she agreed, hanging her head.
"Do you know why you have to sit on the step?"
"Milk," she answered. "Floor."
"Right. After I told you not to do that."
She nodded sadly and he reached out to hold her little hand.
"When mama or I tell you to do something, what should you do?"
"Obey."
"That's right. Will you obey me next time I tell you something?"
"Yes. Sorry."
"I forgive you sweetheart," he said picking her up and holding her close. "I love you Averylin."
"Love daddy."
He hated doling out consequences to the kids but he knew it was effective, even with Avery who some might argue was too young for something like this. They'd been using less and less warnings to correct her behavior and as a result the temper tantrums she'd been throwing were becoming rarer.
"Do you want to go play in your room until mama comes home?"
She nodded and gave him a huge smile as they started up the stairs.
"Puppies, daddy."
"You're going to play puppies?"
"Yes."
He took her to her room and watched her for a minute while she scattered her stuffed animals all around the room and started to bark, even though she didn't get down on all fours like a real dog.
"Okay Colton, I can help you look now."
"It's no use, daddy! It's just gone! Flew out the window or something. I will now fail second grade and have to do it again. And it's all my own fault."
"Maybe you could be in preschool with me!" Ben suggested from his spot on the floor where he was playing with his dinosaurs.
"I can't do that, I'm not a little baby kid like you!"
Under normal circumstances Ben would have been very upset by that comment, but he could feel the tension in the room, so he shrugged and went back to pretending he was the ruler of all the dinosaurs.
"Son, you need to calm down and backtrack. What did you do with your homework when you finished it last night?"
"I left it on my desk. Then I went to brush my teeth. Then I came back in here and looked at Ben's picture he was coloring and then we went to bed."
"Ben, where did you get the paper to color on?" Adam asked, certain of what had happened.
"In the desk by the other paper."
"Where did you put that drawing?"
"I sleeped with it. It was special to me."
Adam walked over to Ben's bed, flipping back the covers and finding Colton's homework, half crumpled, with a crayon drawing on the back.
"Ben why did you do that?" Colton shouted, exasperated and at his breaking point. "Why would you color on my homework? You are the worst brother in the world!"
He ran into the bathroom and slammed the door while Ben burst into tears feeling deep guilt over what he'd done and rejection from the brother he adored.
"Ben, Colton didn't mean that."
"Yeah him did! And now my special picture's gonna get gived to a teacher what I don't even know!"
"Buddy, take a deep breath. I'll fix the problem, alright?"
"Cole thinks I am a bad brother."
"No he doesn't. He's just mad right now."
"I don't want to go to preschool today. I want to sit in my bed and cry."
"Ben, come here. Colton doesn't think you're a bad brother. He loves you a lot. He's very frustrated because he made a mistake and it's easier to get mad at you than to get mad at himself. Calm down buddy, it's going to be okay."
Ben rubbed at his eyes and climbed onto his bed anyway while Avery came in to see what was going on.
"Ben," she said softly, climbing up next to him and patting his face. "Sad?"
"I'm real sad, sissy."
She nodded and settled herself in his lap with a little grin. He liked to hold her like a baby and she hated it but she thought it might make him feel better.
"I love you sissy. You are the best sissy in the whole world," he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek. "And I promise I be the best brother."
Adam smiled at the tender moment, then went and knocked on the bathroom door before opening it. Colton was standing by the window, looking out onto the backyard quietly, his arms crossed.
"Son, you've got some things to fix, don't you?"
"I'm upset."
"I know. And I am glad that you can verbalize your feelings. But you've got a very sad little brother who thinks you don't love him anymore."
"Of course I love Ben! I am just mad about my homework! I don't know what to do. I don't want to take his special picture away from him."
"Why don't you go in there and apologize to him and I will go downstairs and make a copy of the homework side, and then Ben can have his drawing back."
"You would do that?"
"Yes I would."
"Even though you are very frustrated with me?"
"I'm frustrated but I still love you. Go talk to your brother and I'll be right back."
Colton nodded and Adam went downstairs, firing up the scanner so he could make a quick copy of the homework, looking at the clock and wondering why Lindsay was late and why the fates conspired to make her late this morning of all mornings. Pretty soon the copy was made and he put it in Colton's backpack, then took the original back upstairs.
"Well Daddy that was very distressin' but we comed to a incision," Ben announced, his tears now dry and a distant memory.
"We're gonna put that picture up on our wall, so we will always remember this fight and that we can forgive each other and we will be brothers forever."
"Also for me to 'member not to color on Cole's work."
"That's a very good idea and I'm very proud of both of you for thinking of that. Why don't you put it up with a little piece of tape and after work tonight I'll buy you a frame for it."
"That would be great, daddy!"
The boys set to work, finding tape and hanging up the picture while Avery watched, in awe of her big brothers.
"Hey, is anyone home?"
"Mama!" all three kids shouted, running out of the room and down the stairs to greet her. She was nearly mowed over by their hugs and chatter and she tried to keep up with all they were saying while also trying to read the look on Adam's face.
"Mama, do you have to go back to work late at night?"
"Yes, for just one more night and then it will go back to normal."
"We sure miss your face in the daytime," Ben said with a nod. "You gonna make sissy take a nap with you while you're sleepin' and us boys are gone?"
"No, I think we'll stay up and play but after we pick you up from pre-school we might have to all take a nap together."
"Boys, go get coats and shoes so I can take you to school."
The boys ran into the other room while Adam grabbed Lindsay and held her close for a long moment.
"I miss your face in the daytime too babe."
"I miss yours too. Can we go on a date soon?"
"Yes please. I'd love that."
"We'll plan on it then."
"For now, I've got to get the boys to school and get myself to work. I'll call you later."
"Okay. I love you."
"Love you more."
The computer blipped and beeped as it scanned through the DMV database searching for a face that could possibly maybe somewhat match the blurry image they'd gotten off the surveillance footage of the crime scene. It always made Adam's head spin to watch the images flash so fast, and he sat back after a while, rubbing his eyes. The computer beeped slowly as another possible suspect was added to the list. It was slow work but he was glad the computer did the worst of it.
His phone buzzed and moved towards the edge of the table and he reached out to catch it before it fell to the floor. It was Lindsay calling so either the kids were driving her nuts too, or she was trying to take a nap and couldn't fall asleep. He loved when she called him no matter what the reason was and he answered with a smile.
"Hey."
"Hi daddy," came Avery's whispered voice. "Doing?"
"Hi sweetie. I'm just at work. What are you doing?"
"Shh."
"Honey, did you take mama's phone?"
"Uh-huh!" she said, launching into a huge story that he couldn't understand, except for a few words here and there. He pretended to be following the story and threw in a few questions, but mostly just laughed at her little voice. After a little bit his phone beeped to alert him that he had another call, so he told Avery to wait just a minute and clicked over to see that Lindsay was calling him from the house phone.
"Hey babe."
"Hey. I can't find my phone."
"You can't?" he asked, deciding to play along for a while.
"No. I put the kids down for a nap and I swear I had it in my pocket and then I went to call Austin but it wasn't there and I can't find it anywhere. And the ringer is off, I've already tried calling it."
"Are you sure you've looked everywhere?"
"Yes."
"Did you check Avery's crib?"
"What?"
"I've got her on the other line. She pilfered your phone and called me."
There was a second of quiet before Lindsay started to laugh.
"I'm over here freaking out over a two hundred dollar phone and the entire time Princess Drool is holding it hostage."
"I'm laughing at the mental image of you tearing the house apart while she plays Angry Birds on the sly."
"Very hilarious. Alright, I am going to go rescue it from her. I'll talk to you later."
They hung up the phone and Adam laughed, switching back over to the other line.
"Hey Avery, mama's coming up to get her phone so we need to say bye now."
"Oh. Bye daddy. Safe. Loves."
"I'll be safe and I love you too."
"Gotta go, bye."
He hung up the phone and set it on the table, chuckling as he turned around in his seat and found Jo and Austin standing in the door way smirking at him.
"What? It's not my fault she loves and adores me and can't stand being away from me."
"No, she just knows you have the credit card," Austin corrected. "Or at least she'd better, I've been telling her since she was a day old."
"Thank you very much. Here's your list of scumbags to look through," he said, handing them the print-out. "You got anything else on your to-do lists I can knock out?"
"Yeah, go pick up my dry cleaning."
"And I want a cup of coffee."
"Hey now, hold your horses, ladies. You gotta get in line."
"I know your flaws Adam," Austin chuckled. "I can get my own coffee."
"Who's going to watch Sci-Fi movies with you when I start to ignore you completely?"
"Daniel actually digs them. So I don't need you."
"Are you two absolutely certain that you aren't actually siblings?" Jo asked with a raise of her eyebrow.
"We're sure. I don't want her in my gene pool."
"Watch out, someday Colton and Isa will get married and then you won't have a choice in the matter."
"Heaven help me."
"Okay boys, go to sleep, no talking."
"Could we whisper?" Ben asked hopefully, raising his eyebrows.
"You can whisper for ten minutes and then you need to go to sleep."
"Alright daddy. Tell mama we said goodnight."
"I will. Sleep good."
He slipped out of the room and downstairs where Lindsay was sitting in the porch swing with a cup of coffee. She'd gotten very little sleep going into this last graveyard shift and he could smell the strength of the coffee as he stepped outside.
"Whoa. You going to resurface the road with that?"
"Thinkin' about it," she chuckled as he sat down and put his arm around her shoulders.
"I talked to my mom today," he started after a moment, quietly.
"How's she doing?"
"She feels guilty about what happened, even though there was nothing she could do about it. She says she should have come up here when it was happening or she should have come up for the trial or something."
"Did you tell her that none of it is her fault?"
"She knows that, but it doesn't make that guilt go away. She feels like she should have done more to protect me, she should have kept his whole family away, you know?"
"Hindsight maybe, but I think she was just trying to get you guys somewhere safe when she got out, I don't think she was really worried about the long-term."
"I know. It's not more her fault than it is mine, but we're both carrying around a lot of guilt about it and I don't know when that's going to go away."
"Maybe it's not. Maybe you just have to stop."
"I don't think it's that easy."
"What if you've been telling yourself that for so long and you haven't realized that it could be that simple."
"To forget?"
"No. To let go of misplaced guilt. You're getting there honey, and I know you know it's not your fault but that doesn't mean you don't wonder what you could have done differently."
"I still feel like I didn't protect my family."
"Adam, if a tornado dropped down right now, would that be your fault?"
"No, but this is different."
"No it's not. You can't change his actions. What happened is over, we make our peace with it, we learn from it and move on. That's all."
"I'm trying."
"I know you are. And I wish it was easier, but I understand that letting go of it all takes some work. As long as you don't think you're like him and you know it's not your fault, I think you've made more progress than most people would have."
He was quiet for a moment, tucking her close and kissing the top of her head while the crickets chirped and a cool breeze blew.
"Sometimes I forget that you're fighting this battle with me," he confessed after a moment. "I'm sorry for that. I know you're on my side, sometimes I just want to protect you from it so I pretend you're not there at all."
"It's okay. I understand."
"I'm really lucky. I don't deserve you."
"Yes you do. No one else in the world could love you as much as I do."
"I'm convinced."
She chuckled and stood up from the swing, then leaned down to kiss him.
"I have to get going, but think about what I said, alright? And don't forget, tomorrow we have to plan Halloween costumes."
"And a fun time will be had by all."
"I love you Adam Ryan Ross."
"I love you too. Be safe."
She disappeared inside to finish getting ready and he sat back in the swing, watching the stars come out and thinking that no matter what his father had done, it didn't change the fact that he'd gotten away and made a life for himself and had a family that he loved. Nothing could ever touch him again.