Heathens

by themuse123

"If you care, then eventually you die." After a dubious attempt at suicide, Mason joins the group at the prison, fighting her growing affection for them while struggling with demons from the past. F/F, BETH/OC *Possible trigger warning: mentions of self-harm, attempted rape* Ch. 28 & 29: FINALE.

17. In the Cold I'm Standing

The title song is "In the Cold I'm Standing" by M83 (arguably one of the best artists in the world, IMHO).

17. Interim: In the Cold I'm Standing

She ran until she no longer cold, alone and numb. Her breath frosted the air, glowing by the light of the moon. She knew where she was, she knew she shouldn't have come, but her feet had brought her here anyway.

The fire had died in the prison. Its broken windows stared blackly at her, vacant as jack-o-lantern eyes. She was reminded idly of that poem, about the abyss and how it stares back at you. How it changes you.

She stood heaving for breath in the yard where she had planted crops, where she'd sat with her family and a picnic of food that they'd harvested themselves, where she'd kissed Beth's mouth and trembled with the desire to kiss other places. But those memories were a warmth long gone, a summer she could no longer reach.

Walkers milled around her. They did not pay her any attention. She was covered in gore, abysmal with it. She was one of them again.

She turned in aimless circles, desperate for something she could not name. At each turn she wished, hoped, prayed for Beth, for Daryl, for anyone. But there was no one. She had lost everything, again.

Then her eyes found the moon.

Permanent. Ghostly. Sentinel.

She stared for a time she lost track of. For lifetimes. Its beautiful face, and all it had come to mean over the years.

At some point, it started staring back.

Infinitesimally, her posture changed. Her muscles hardened, her blood smoldered. Her face evened into something pure, her eyes drained of everything that didn't further her new resolve.

It isn't like before. It isn't over.

No. It wasn't.

~m~

In the woods beyond, unseen, a pair of eyes watched Mason with fascination. With delight. With malice.

Here was a recognizable face. Here a face that embodied home, safety, warmth.

Here was a face that needed dimming. Carving.

Soon. The time wasn't right, but it would be.

The eyes closed and disappeared.

NOTE: Okay, so this isn't really an interim in the sense that I'm taking a break from this story or anything (I'm not planning on it, at least). But I really wanted this moment with Mason at the prison to stand apart from the previous chapter. It just felt stronger on its own. Anyway, as always, let me know what you think.