Chapter 2: Chocolate.
It's the second day of classes. Why can't time pass faster? Oh… right; time flies when you have fun. Well, clearly I'm not having fun. Why? Well, let me tell you. This morning I was walking to my first class pretending I didn't exist, hoping no one noticed my presence, and everything was going just right when Snow White, Aurora, Ariel and Cinderella appeared. They hate me since they saw me, but after last years they started bulling me worse than ever. They blame for something I did, and it's totally unfair; if it wasn't for me, they would've failed English, but I made the final work with them. The teacher obviously noticed that I made practically the whole job, so he tell them he'd give them a 80, while I'd get a 100. The problem is he actually asked me if I was okay with it, and I thought it was fair, so I said yes, without realizing I was getting myself in hell… well, another hell, worst that the one I was already.
Whatever, the point is, they hate me since then and don't waste one single opportunity to bully me. I wouldn't have cared at all if I weren't more sensitive because of what happened yesterday. I didn't think I could bear another humiliation, so when I saw them the first thing I thought was to run and hide, maybe in the bathroom, but I had class in a few minutes and they were standing in front of my locker.
"Excuse me." I said. "Could you please let me get to my locker?"
"Oh, Is this your locker?" Snow answered, trying to look surprised.
"Sorry, we thought it was some other loser's, given what's written on it." Aurora said.
"Not that we think you're a loser or anything." Cinderella added.
"Oh, no! That would be terrible. We're friends after all, right Elsa?" Ariel said with an innocent smile.
No, we're not. You hate me, I hate you and all of us know it, so stop this nonsense. I'm tired of your hypocrisies.
You can't say that. You don't want them to hate you even more, do you?
But I don't want to tell the girls who have make so manybad things to me that I'm their friend either.
You'll have to. They're in front of your locker, remember?
I sighed in resignation. Then I put my best expressionless face and prepared my coldest voice.
"Yes, we are. Now, can you please move?"
"That didn't sound very nice, right girls?" Snow asked with a tone that let me know she was up to no good.
"She did say please." Ariel stated.
"Oh, shut up." Snow said annoyed and then turned to me. "Now you, ice queen, get on tour knees and ask nicely if we can let you use your locker."
I frowned. Maybe I'm used to people bothering me and being rude, but even I have a little bit of dignity. I decided to just ignore it.
"Please move. I really need to get going to my class."
"Are you deaf, or something? She said on your knees." Now Cinderella spoke pointing to the ground.
I'm getting mad. Who they think they are? Who gave them the right to treat me like a piece of trash?
Elsa, calm down. You know if you let your emotions control you, you'll do something you'll regret later. Just do what they want, we don't want problems.
I saw them staring at me, waiting for me to humiliate myself. I saw their faces, gleaming with anticipation, showing how wicked they are inside, and I made my decision.
"If you don't move at the count of three, I'm going to force you." I said with a serious expression, even if I was far less confident inside. "1... 2..."
I couldn't say 3 because suddenly two pairs of strong hands grabbed me by my shoulders and arms tightly, keeping me from moving. I turned my head to see who was doing it, and it wasn't a surprise when I found John and Febo.
"Let me go!" I shouted, trying to get away. They just ignored me.
"Is this loser upsetting you?" Febo asked gallantly to the four brainless bitches in front of me.
"Actually, she said she was going to hit us if we didn't move out of her way." said Snow.
"That certainly deserves a punishment, don't you think so, Febo?" John said.
O-oh this isn't good.
Look at the things your stupid decisions cause.
"Yeah, what should we do to her?" Asked Febo.
"Force her on her knees." Aurora said maliciously.
"Make her say she is sorry." Ariel chirped in.
At that moment I felt their strong arms making me get down on my knees. I tried to resist but it was a useless task. I felt desperate and helpless. I tried to keep my calm mask, but I'm sure it dropped for a moment. Soon enough I was on my knees, in front of the spiteful girls.
"Say you're sorry." Cinderella demanded.
No. You are the ones who should be apologizing, not me. You should be on your knees, begging for forgiveness, not me. I've done nothing wrong.
Nothing wrong? You threated them to hit them if they didn't move. You deserve this. Say you're sorry. That's what father would want you to do.
"I... I'm sorry." I said defeated.
"Sorry for what, bitch?" Snow said with her voice full of poison.
They're enjoying this, I can tell. One thing is to apologize for something you made and other very different one is to humiliate yourself unnecessarily. This makes me get angry.
I'm sorry for trying to get to my locker when their majesties, the four Queens of whores were standing in front of it.
I didn't meant to say that out loud, but I'm pretty sure the girls heard it, if the upset and offended expressions they made where any indication of it. I know I only worsened the situation, but it wasn't on purpose.
"What did you say? Ariel glared at me, offended.
"N-nothing." I stutter.
Don't let your fear show. Stop trembling, they'll see your weakness. Conceal, don't feel.
"That certainly didn't sound like nothing." Aurora said. "You'll pay for that."
"Yeah." Snow smiled. "Guys, make her kiss my shoe."
My heart skipped a beat, but this wasn't a good sensation like when I was with Anna yesterday (forget that, I'm not thinking about Anna. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be so irritable and I wouldn't be in this situation). It was a sensation of fear, anger, frustration and desperation. I didn't want to be even more humiliated.
Wait, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't do this to me. Please.
I felt the boys' hands pushing my neck and shoulders to make my face be lower, almost at the level of the ground. I tried to put resistance, but they were stronger, so I resigned to what was going to happen. The top of Snow's black shoes was everything I could see. I saw it getting closer and closer till my nose was in contact with it, but it wasn't enough for them.
"She isn't kissing it yet." Snow complained. "Make her lips touch it."
I felt a hard pull on my bangs and I involuntarily moved my head backwards, however, they took advantage of it and quickly pressed my face against her shoe again, with my lips touching it this time. I felt repulsion instantly. You'll see, I've got a thing with dirt, I totally hate it, and believe me when I say her shoes weren't precisely clean. I also felt denigrated, it totally insulted my pride and destroyed my dignity. Again, for the second time in the week I was at the edge of tears, but I was somehow able to keep them inside by squishing my eyelids while repeating my mantra: conceal, don't feel.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they released me and walked away laughing at what they had just done. I got up and looked around. All stares were pointed towards me, waiting to see if this time the Ice Queen had finally been broken. I buried my feelings, raised my mask again, walked to my locker (which had hurtful words written on it that I consciously ignored), opened it, took off my books and walked to my next class.
So now here I am, at the cafeteria, trying to do some homework with a stain of coffee on my t-shirt (courtesy of someone who threw it at me, but I really don't know who), so... nnless you have a very strange concept of having fun, my day totally lacked it. Anyways, it's almost time, so I should probably go to my next class before something else happens.
I arrive to my English class, only to find a not totally unpleasant, but not really good either, surprise: Anna. Yes, she is with me in this subject, just as Megara and Ariel. The last two don't matter to me because, even if they laugh about the things other people do to me, they have never made anything to make me feel bad. However, it's Anna the one who worries me. If she was just a bitch, like Snow or Aurora, I would just have to ignore her. The problem is, she seems so sweet and innocent that my instinctive reaction is to trust her, to protect her, not to protect myself from her. Besides she is a good liar, normally I can tell easily when someone is lying, but yesterday all the time I felt her intentions were honest. I really don't know what happened to me.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact she is exactly your physical type of girl and she acts as your personality type of girl. You wanted her to be sincere, so you convinced yourself she was sincere.
Sometimes I wish I could be wrong, but my reasoning is so logical it must be true. I sigh. Sometimes is so easy to convince myself to believe in my own lies.
I walk to the farthest sit on the classroom hoping Anna and her friends (who she is talking to right now) don't note my presence. It seems my pleas are listened, because they don't interrupt their chatting and I'm able to arrive at my chair without being seen. I sit just as the teacher enters and I prepare myself for an entire hour of boring explications about the evaluations rules.
The class finishes and I quickly grab my belongings to get out of there as soon as possible, however, when I'm about to get through the door, I hear a beautiful... er... forget that, a familiar voice calling my name.
"Elsa! Elsa, wait!"
I keep walking as fast as I can, not wanting more problems for today, but it doesn't work, because suddenly I feel a soft, warm and strong hand grabbing mine. My heart starts racing at the contact.
"Where you running away or something?" Anna says half-joking.
Yes, I was running from you. I don't want you to hurt me again.
I just turn my face towards her, not saying anything and hoping she doesn't notice my blush.
"It's incredible we're going to have English class together." She seems honestly excited about it. "I didn't know you were a junior, though. You look older, actually." suddenly her eyes go wide, as if realizing what she just said. "N-not that you look old, or something, j-just more mature. You look more mature than the others."
Please don't stutter like that, and don't do that rambling thing. You look so illegally cute.
Control yourself. She hurt you just yesterday, remember? And you're already thinking she is cute?
... Yes?
"So..." She says awkwardly. "I... I heard about what happened this morning." Her voice actually sounds kind of sad. "You know, about Snow and the shoe... and... well I just wanted to say I'm sorry. They were cruel and y-you didn't deserve it, so I-I'm sorry about it."
"You don't have to say you're sorry." I say, not wanting her to feel bad about it. "It wasn't your fault. You weren't even there."
Why did you say that? It was probably her fault, she probably planned the whole thing. She is just being hypocrite.
No, she is not! Shut up already!
"I-I know, it's just… they are my friends, so…" She looks at the floor and sighs. She seems really sorry. "Don't worry, I talked to them about it and they promised they won't do it again."
I can't believe that.
Of course not, because it didn't happen. She is lying.
She seems honest. Just look at her. Those beautiful teal eyes are incapable of lying.
*Sigh*
"Anyways…" She says with a sigh. "Let's forget about those awful things."
See? They sent her to convince you to forget about the whole thing, so you don't tell anyone about it and they don't get expelled.
"I bought you something." She continues while she searches for something in her backpack. Finally she finds a bar of chocolate and gives it to me. "I-I know It isn't too much and it doesn't compensate what happened in the morning, b-but my mother always says that even the worst pain can be bearable with a little bit of chocolate, so…"
I reluctantly take it. It's a Hersey's bar of cookies & cream, it's not really my favorite, but it's a close second. Besides, any chocolate is good, even more during the hard times. The words of Anna's mother are true, I know it because I've put them to test myself many times, and I'm truly touched and thankful because of this little gesture, so much that I can actually feel happy tears appearing in my eyes.
Don't. You. Dare. Cry. You can't let her see you have feelings, it might make you look vulnerable.
I can't help it. She is so sweet… I knew she was a good person, I told you so. She never meant any wrong towards me, she is the nicest person in the world. I think I'm falling in love with her.
Stop it! Do you realize how silly you're sounding? She just daubed plasticine in your hair yesterday, but you keep forgetting that. Now, this is probably some trick she made and she'll laugh later about how you miserably fell in it.
It doesn't seem like a trick, so shut up! She is being honest, I know it!
"S-sorry if you don't like it." She says interrupting the fight I had with myself. "I didn't know which was your favorite or if you even like chocolate… wait… You like chocolate, right? Please, tell me you like chocolate. It would be so awkward if you don't." Her face shows real concern.
Of course I don't just like chocolate. I love it. It's the best thing in the entire world! Even more if it comes from you.
I notice she is waiting for an answer, so I swallow trying to get rid of the knot that formed in my throat.
"T-thank you." I say. My voice actually sounds strange, but with a little bit of luck, she won't think it's because I'm about to cry from happiness.
She seems satisfied with my answer.
"Well, then I think I'll go to my house now." She says happily. "See you tomorrow."
She squishes my hand (which she had been holding the entire time), then releases it and walks away, turning just once to wave at me. I wave back and smile lovingly before realizing I'm not concealing my feelings and placing my mask again. Then I turn to leave too, thinking about what just happened, and I can't help but think that all the humiliation and angst I went through this morning was worth it, just because of the chocolate she gave me.
She… Anna…
I don't know how she can cause so strong feelings on me. Yesterday she made me feel attraction, pleasure and pain, and today she made me feel comfort and love. That makes four good sensations versus one bad. Maybe she isn't such an evil person as I thought after all. I think I'll give her another opportunity, who knows? Maybe we can even be fiends… or something more.
You're dreaming if you think she'll ever see you in that way.
Maybe, but what if it happens? She gave me a chocolate today, she tried to comfort me, and she hold my hand all that time. It must mean something.
Yes, but more likely not what you think.
What I think is that she cares about me. She is the first person who's cared about me in years, is it really that bad to want also love? I doesn't have to be romantic love, I'd be happy just with a friendly kind of love. Just let me dream about it, at least for today. Let this day be the happiest of my life.
I smile, staring again at the chocolate as I press it against my chest, just where my heart is. Then I close my eyes and imagine Anna's perfect face, and suddenly it's as if she were here with me, making me feel special again. I can't wait to get home and eat the chocolate.