The early spring air was crisp and cold and the wind blowing through the trees was more reminiscent of winter. Lindsay pulled her scarf tighter around her neck, surprised at herself for being so sensitive to the cold, even though everyone at the scene seemed to be more bundled up than she was. She vaguely wondered if D.C. had milder winters or if it would even matter. The idea of moving made her sad and surly and as she approached the scene and saw Austin there, she knew she was going to have to keep herself in check because her best friend could see right through her. Adam had asked her to keep things quiet because he didn't want anything else influencing his decision. Her stomach was in knots whenever she thought about it, the only thing keeping her sane being the knowledge that it would still be the two of them and the kids.
"Mornin' girls. You look bright eyed and bushy-tailed," Austin commented sarcastically while Jo yawned so hard her eyes watered.
"What do we got?" Lindsay asked, crouching next to the body and snapping her latex gloves on.
"Alan Deerhurst, eighteen. Joggers found him this morning."
"I'm fixing time of death around midnight," Hawkes said, hovering over the body. "Cause of death is strangulation with that belt. I'll know more when we get him to the morgue."
"Only eighteen," Jo whispered, shaking her head. "He's just a baby."
The mood turned even more somber at that and they started to work quietly, working from the body outward to collect evidence and take pictures of the scene.
Lindsay busied herself with documenting the footprints in the area, graphing out where they were exactly and then making molds of each one. She had a good rhythm going and was just double checking that everything was right when she spotted a very small spot of blood on the ground. Carefully she took a sample and labeled it hoping it was from the perp.
"What's goin' on Lin?" Austin as softly, crouching down next to her, pretending to be interested in the trace evidence.
"Nothing."
"You're not you. Are you okay? I need you to tell me the truth."
"Yes, I'm fine. I promise."
"Then is something bugging you?"
"No, I'm just tired."
"You can't lie to me."
"I'm not lying to you, Austin. I'm really just tired, okay?"
"Okay, whatever."
"Don't be upset with me, I can't handle it right now."
"What's going on Linds? This isn't just you being tired."
"Look, I can't talk to you about it right now. Just trust me on this one, alright?"
Austin sighed angrily and shook her head.
"Fine."
Lindsay rolled her eyes in frustration as Austin stood up and walked away. It was true, she really couldn't handle this right now, all it made her want to do was run home and bury herself under the covers and not come out until everything was over. The idea of the possibility of moving was stressing her out so badly that the idea that they may actually pick up and move was even worse.
They spent a few more hours at the scene, waiting until the body was hauled away, then doing one more sweep of the area before loading up the SUV with the evidence and heading back to the lab. Jo drove and Lindsay sat in the passenger seat, her head tilted against the window and her eyes closed.
"Mac told me about Georgetown," Jo said softly after a little while.
"He knows?"
"Yeah. How do you feel?"
"Uneasy. I know Adam's going to make the right decision but I'm afraid the right decision is going to be to move."
"Do you have pros and cons?"
"A few. The pros are that the pay is really good, I would be able to stay home with the kids."
"Is that what you want to do?"
"Right now I do. As they get older and they're in school more I might want to go back to work, but right now I feel like I'm missing a lot of their lives. I wish I could just pause work for the next five years or so."
"What about cons?"
"We'd be leaving the life we've made. This is the city where we met and fell in love and started our family and bought our first home. It's where everyone is, it's the only place the kids know. We're happy here. If it weren't for this job offer we wouldn't even be thinking about leaving."
"Do you think Adam would like the job?"
"I don't know if he would love it, but he would be so good at it. It's what he went to college for in the beginning. He thought he would work for some big company, the crime lab came later. I know he stumbles over his words and makes stupid jokes and takes forever to get to a point and drops things a lot and gets nervous and his voice gets all high and-"
"Linds."
"He would be really good at it. Teaching people how to do what he does means equipping more people to solve more crimes and that's so important to him. I don't know how he couldn't love it."
"You want him to be happy."
"Yes I do. More than anything," she said quietly, wiping a tear from her eye. "The kids and I can adjust. We love him and we would go anywhere. But it's not easy."
"What about you? I mean, Adam might be happy and doing something he loves, but will you be happy too?"
"At first I might not be. But I know that providing for the family is very important to him, and having our family stable and healthy is important to me, so once I settled in, yeah, I would be happy."
"So it's just the initial move that's bothering you?"
"I think so. You know, right now when I need Austin, she's a ten minute walk away. The kids are all so close, they would be devastated to leave each other."
"I'm sure Adam's taking that all into account."
"I know he is. He's probably so stressed out right now and I'm just worried about me."
"Have you guys talked about it?"
"Not a lot. We kind of don't know what to say sometimes."
"That's okay right now I think. But sooner or later you're going to have to discuss it because that man is not going to make a decision without you."
"I kind of wish he would."
Jo chuckled and shook her head.
"You say that now but you'd be mad if he did it all on his own."
"Probably."
"It's going to be okay Linds. Whether you stay or go, everything works itself out."
"I know."
"Have you told anyone?"
"No."
"Not even Austin?"
"I could never say the words to her. It would kill us both."
"You're going to have to tell her."
"I know."
"But until you do, you can talk to me, okay?"
"Thank you."
"The blood I found on the ground next to the body is female," Lindsay said, falling in step next to Jo as they walked down the hallway. "I'm running further testing on it right now, but it seems to be fresh. You get anything?"
"Partial fingerprints on the belt, running them through CODIS now. Swabbed for epithelials and other trace and I'm running that now too."
"I think we have two perps here. That's a man's belt and Alan was wearing his. It would suggest that the perp is a man, but then we have female blood too," she sighed, biting her lip. "Definitely looks to me like a sexually based crime, but I don't want to jump to that conclusion this early."
"Lindsay, not jumping to conclusions? Usually you run with every theory."
"Yes well I don't feel like running today."
Jo laughed as they stepped into Mac's office, finding him deep in concentration at the computer. If the sound had been turned down just one notch more he might have gotten away with it, but it was just barely detectable over the noise of the lab.
"Mac Taylor," Jo started, placing a hand on her hip. "Are you playing Angry Birds again?"
He looked up guiltily and nodded his head.
"I can't get past this one level," he admitted, somewhat forlorn. "If it gave me one more bird…"
"Forget it," Lindsay said, shaking her head. "I was stuck on that level for three months before I gave up. That was over a year ago and I haven't played since."
"Well if the queen of video games can't do it then I am out of luck. What are you two up to?"
"Just came to update you on the case and tell you that we don't got much."
"Intriguing."
"Actually we were just going to go pick up lunch and since you've been here since four this morning…"
"She complains when she makes dinner at home, but she doesn't mind running out somewhere to pick it up," Mac said to Lindsay who just nodded.
"Doesn't matter how far you have to go to get it. At least you didn't have to make it."
"The logic of women astounds me."
"At least you still believe it's logic," Jo said with a shrug.
Mac rolled his eyes and told her what he wanted while Lindsay struggled to get her ringing phone out of her pocket. She finally found it right before it went to voicemail and nearly dropped it before she could answer.
"Hello?"
"Babe, don't freak out, okay?"
"Don't ever start a conversation that way if you don't want me to freak out. What's wrong?"
"Remember how Ben was complaining that he didn't feel good last night?"
"Yes."
"He said he was fine when I took him to school this morning, but when I got there to pick him up he had a high fever and he said his stomach hurt. I thought he was getting the flu again but his fever crept up a little and he said he didn't feel like throwing up, his stomach was sore. I touched it and he about had a fit so I called the doctor and she said to take him to the ER."
"Why, what's she thinking it is?"
"She said it could be appendicitis."
"Are you going now?"
"Yeah, I'm just headed out the door. He threw up just a minute ago and he said it's because it hurts so bad."
"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Someone needs to get Colton after school."
"Alright. I'll figure it out. Drive safe okay? Tell him I'll be right there."
"I will."
They hung up and she stared at the phone in her hand for just a moment before springing into action.
"I gotta go. Adam's taking Ben to the hospital," she said, stumbling over the words. "I need to… gotta get…"
"Lindsay, slow down. What do you need?"
"Someone has to get Colton from school. Danny and Austin are both working, Danny's mom is watching their kids. Um… I don't know what to do."
"You go to the hospital," Mac said authoritatively. "I'll get Colton at school."
"Thank you."
"It's not a problem. Are you going to be okay getting to the hospital?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks."
"You're welcome. Go, get out of here."
"Mama, you maked it!" Ben said as she opened the door to his hospital room. His eyes were red and swollen from crying and he was pale from throwing up and having to get IV's, but he still had a smile on his face.
"Oh baby of course I made it. How are you feeling?"
"I gotta get cut open," he sighed heavily while she kissed his cheek. "Doctor's orders. I want Cole here. Need my big brother."
"I know sweetie. It's going to be okay."
"I'm scared," he said softly.
"Me too honey. But the surgery will make you feel so much better."
"Oh Ben," Avery said from her spot in the chair next to the bed. "Oh Ben."
He glanced over at her and gave her a little nod.
"It's okay sissy."
She slid off her chair and walked over to the bed, reaching up to hold his hand.
"When are they taking him up?" Lindsay asked, her eyes on Ben but her question directed at Adam.
"They should be back in a minute," he answered. She noticed that his skin seemed somewhat gray and he was having trouble holding the pen to fill out the paperwork because his hands were clammy. She didn't know what to say really, so she focused on calming Ben down so he wouldn't fight the doctors when they came to take him away.
"Will it hurt mama?"
"You'll be in pain at first but they're going to give you lots of medicine so you'll feel better really soon."
"Can Dunner come see me?"
"Maybe in the morning honey. You're going to be very tired and cranky later so it might be best if you didn't have any visitors tonight."
"What are they gonna to do me 'zactly?"
"They're just going to make a tiny little cut in your belly," Adam started. "Then they're going to put an itty bitty camera in there so they can see what they're doing, and then they're going to take your appendix out and put you back together."
"Why do you need to know Ben Ry?"
"For show and tell," he answered softly as the door creaked open and the doctor and a few nurses came in. "Is it time for me to be sliced?"
Avery tipped back her head and wailed at the words, then dropped Ben's hand and ran over to the small couch, burying her face in the cushions.
"Yeah kiddo, it's time to go," the doctor said, pointing to a smaller gurney. "You want your mommy to help you move onto that bed?"
"Yeah. Mama you carry me there?"
She lifted him up and held him close for a moment before laying him gently on the gurney.
"Want me to hold your glasses?"
"No! I can't see without them!"
"I know sweetie but you can't take them in there with you."
"I need them mama I need them!" he said, holding onto his glasses and starting to cry.
"We can leave them on until he falls asleep," one of the nurses offered.
"Thank you. Hear that Ben, you can keep them on."
"Okay. I need to be able to see."
"You'll be just fine buddy," Adam assured him, kissing his head. "You're going to do great and this will all be over before you know it."
"Can you come with me?"
"We'll walk there with you, okay?"
Ben sniffled and sat up craning his neck around looking for Avery.
"Sissy, you need go with mama now. I be okay baby sissy. I be okay."
She rushed over to them and Lindsay lifted her up so she could kiss Ben on the cheek.
"Avery love Ben. All heart."
"Love you with all my heart too sissy. You be brave and I will be brave, 'kay?"
"'Kay."
They shared a tender look for just a second before it was time to wheel Ben down the hallway to the operating room. He tried to be brave but it wasn't long before he broke down in tears, reaching for someone to hold his hand.
"You're going to be just fine, Ben," Adam assured. "They're going to give you some special smelling air and you'll fall asleep. And it will be the best sleep of your life. And when you wake up it won't hurt anymore. Mama or I will be right there, okay?"
"Can you come with me daddy?"
"I'll be waiting right outside son. I love you."
"I love you too."
He was whisked behind the doors quickly and Avery whimpered, reaching out for him.
"My Ben!" she whimpered, burying her face in Lindsay's hair and crying.
"I know baby. Let's go sit down here okay?"
They went into the waiting room and Avery continued to cry softly, looking up hopefully every time someone walked by the room, then sniffling and rubbing her eyes when it wasn't Ben.
"You didn't get your nap today did you?" Lindsay whispered.
"She didn't get lunch either. Maybe we should go down to the cafeteria and let her eat something."
"Baby you want some lunch while we wait for Ben?"
"No."
"She'll change her mind once we get in there."
They stood up and left the waiting room, checking in at the desk so the doctor would know where to find them if anything happened.
The cafeteria was pretty quiet, a few doctors on their breaks were eating in the far corner and one family had pulled three tables together to accommodate all their kids.
"Avery, look at all the food! You want to decide what to have?"
"No."
"Isn't your tummy hungry?"
"Ben. Where Ben?"
"Ben's getting all fixed up so he'll feel better. Now why don't you have some fruit salad?"
She shook her head but they got her something anyway. She grumbled unhappily when they sat down and she shoved the food away, burying her face in her arms. Lindsay knew just how she felt, overwhelmed and scared, but right now she had to focus on getting through the next hour or so. She could cry and hyperventilate when it was all over, even though she wanted to do that right now.
Adam reached across the table for her hand and she let a tear slide down her cheek.
"He's going to be okay baby. They found it in time. No complications. He's good."
"I know."
"Your heart is in your throat huh?"
"Yeah."
"Mine too."
"Glasses!" Ben wailed, jerking his head from side to side as he came out of the drug-induced sleep. "My glasses!"
"They're right here," Lindsay intoned softly, trying to stop his movements so she could put his glasses on him. She finally managed and he looked up at her, taking a deep breath before he started crying again.
"Dunner! I want Dunner!"
"Not right now sweetie. I'm sure he'll come to see you in the morning, okay?"
"Mama they asked me if I liked bubble gum! I said yes and then I smelled bubble gum and then I falled asleep and I don't got no gum!"
"Shh, honey, it's okay. You need to calm down. Everything is fine."
"Mama my belly still hurts."
"I know. You're going to be achy for a little while."
"I don't like this! Where's sissy? Can I have a color book? I want some applesauce!"
"Ben, settle down. You don't need to yell okay? Everything is alright."
"Mama it was scary! I haved a dream. Don't 'member it much. Everybody gotted hurt. I had to fix them. Cole could not help me for he was hurt too."
"It was just a dream, baby," she said, stroking his cheek gently. "It's all over."
"What did they do with my 'pendix?" he asked, starting to mentally clear away the fog.
"What do you mean?"
"The 'pendix what they taked out of my belly mama! What they done with it? Will they fix it and put it back inside me? Will I have to eat it to get it in my belly? Did they make me a new one?"
"No sweetie, it's all gone."
"Did they throw it in the trash? What if I need my 'pendix later on in my life?"
"You won't need it later honey."
"I feel like a part of me is missin'. A part I didn't even knowed I had."
"Honey I think it's time we lay off the country music."
"Could you please hold me mama? My whole noggin inside feels real weird."
"Does it hurt?"
"No. It's confused and tired. And sad. Can you hold me mama please?"
"I can't hold you just yet honey."
"Well then could you hug me because I'm 'bout to start cryin' like a puppy what's got no home."
She smiled and leaned down to hug him, being careful of his incisions and IV ports. He sniffled a few times and she was pretty sure he used her hair to wipe his eyes, but she didn't really care. His chubby hand reached up and clasped the locket around her neck, opening it skillfully, as he'd done hundreds of times before.
"Mama, where's Cole and sissy?"
"Colton's on his way here from school. Mac's bringing him. Avery's outside with daddy. She wants to see you very much but they can't let her come into this room."
"I want to see them."
"You're going to get moved to a different room in a little while and then you can see them, okay?"
"When can we go home?" he asked in a whisper, his lips close to her ear.
"In a few days baby. You get to stay here where it's quiet and comfortable and you have the nurses right there to take care of you if you need anything."
"I don't want to stay by myself!" he cried, tears spilling down his round cheeks.
"Oh honey, you won't be by yourself! Daddy and I will take turns getting to stay with you."
"Really?"
"Yes. You won't be alone Benjamin, I promise."
"I sure love you mama."
"I love you too baby. Now it's time for you to lay back down because you can't be sitting up too much right now."
She settled him back against the pillows and he sniffled as she took his glasses to clean them off.
"Can I tell you somethin' mama?"
"Sure honey."
"Daddy was real scaredy today. When we was drivin' to the hospital he kept blinkin' a lot and he was askin' me "Ben are you okay?" again and again."
Lindsay giggled at the way Ben pinched his nose in order to imitate Adam's voice.
"He was pretty worried about you. Appendixes can be tricky little boogers."
"He done a good job gettin' me here. He was drivin' real, real fast. Sissy throwed her arms in the air and said "Wheeee!" for a very long time!"
"I'm sure she did."
"I am very tired now. If I take a nap, you won't tell no one, right?"
"Scout's honor."
"Mama, you was not a Boy Scout!"
"I was a Girl Scout so neener neener."
He grinned up at her, trying his best to wink.
"You're a weirdo, mama. I love you lots."
"I love you too honey. Get some rest."
He sighed and closed his eyes and she watched him closely until the rhythm of sleep took over. She held his little hand in hers and stroked the soft skin, her mind tip toeing around the events of the day and what could have happened. She thought of the victim from this morning, so young, his life barely started. He was someone's son. Tonight that mother would not be so lucky as to sit by her son's hospital bed and hold his hand and thank the Lord above that he was whole and happy.
Lindsay fixed her eyes on her son, grateful that she had him, happy that he was who he was, overjoyed that he was healthy, and entirely aware that the blessings in her life had not run out today.