Chapter 8. Pirate women.
I've been sitting in front of the phone for half an hour now. I have the paper where I wrote Anna's number and I also have the thing the teacher told us to base the talk on. I have my notes, I have the information I've investigated during the past two days of vacation… I just lack the guts to pick up the phone and type her number.
Why am I so nervous? It's not like I'm going to ask her out! We're just going to prepare this talk, hopefully in no more than one day, and get over this affair.
You are nervous because, foolishly, you still love the girl. You're such a masochist.
I don't love her anymore! I just feel attracted to her, I mean, it's not as if her good looks have changed in the slightest.
Tell yourself that all what you want. It won't make it true. You are a disgusting person who can't even resist her primitive urges towards another woman, no less. You are an abomination.
You are not helping. I really need to call Anna.
Yes, but you won't, you are a coward.
Enough! I'm sick of you. Go away! You don't ever let me do anything.
Finally, I take the phone and type the number as quickly as possible, trying not to think too much about it. I anxiously wait for her to answer, my palms sweating, my heart racing and my stomach twisting as the beeps keep going. One, two, three, four… What? Isn't she going to answer? Suddenly the mail voice answers me and I quickly hang off the phone.
Now what? I've been here half an hour trying to call her, and now that I did, she doesn't answer. I will be here another thirty minutes trying to gain the courage to call her again! I bit my lip and twist my braid nervously, eying the phone with fear and uncertainty. I'm so focused on the difficult task of convincing myself that I need to use the device to arrange a meeting with my favorite redhead that, when it starts sounding, it startles me so much that I actually jump.
It sounds three times before the voice in my head finally urges me to pick it up.
Come on, you stupid girl, answer it! You don't wanna let the person calling waiting, do you?
So I pick it up saying:
"H-hello?"
"Elsa?" Anna's voice can be heard from the other side of the line.
"A-Anna?" I stutter, my voice sounding almost scared due to my anxiety of talking to her.
"Did you call me?"
"I… uh… uhm…" Suddenly I'm on a loss of words.
Say something before you embarrass yourself more!
I'm sorry, okay? She really makes me nervous.
"Did the kitten get your tongue?" She asks on a teasing tone, giggling slightly.
"I… I don't… have a kitten." I dumbly answer, not really processing what she just said.
"No? That's a shame because they're really cute. I don't have one either though, because my mom is allergic and when she's near one of those she starts sneezing and there are these hives that appear on her skin and… sorry, I'm rambling again. It happens when I'm nervous. N-not that you make nervous. I-I mean you are you and you are nothing worth getting nervous over… sorry, I promised I wouldn't be mean. I'm just not used to have normal conversation with you. Sorry, again. Whatever. Why did you call me?"
I actually didn't understand half of what she said, and her rambling only served to confuse me, so I decide to just answer her last question and ignore the rest.
"Uh… To talk about what we have to do for English?" I didn't intend it to come out as a question.
"English…?" She seems to be processing the information, as if she couldn't remember what I meant with my words. "Oh, right! English! Pirates! What about it?"
"When do you wanna do it?"
"As soon as possible."
"So… when are you available?" My heart skips a beat. It actually came out as if I were asking her on a date.
"Let me see… Everyday. I mean, we're on vacation. I have nothing to do these days."
"Tomorrow, then?"
"Yes! Tomorrow is perfect."
"At… nine?
"Nine?! Are you crazy? I'm still sleeping at that unholy hour! Midday."
"Eleven." I retort. I really want to end this in just one day and it won't be possible it we meet at such a late hour.
"Half past eleven. Otherwise I will still be half asleep when we meet."
"F-fine." I sigh in resignation. "Give me your address."
"Why does it has to be in my house?" She retorts.
"Because mine is too small."
And I also don't want to disturb Kai and Gerda.
"Okay." She gives me her address.
"Half past eleven in your house then." I confirm. "See you."
"See you Elsa!" She answers on a cheery voice before hanging up.
I hang up too and sigh, partially relieved and partially stressed, while closing my eyes and placing a hand over them. Tomorrow I'm gonna see Anna outside school. I'm going to her home. I'm going to spend the whole day with her. With my worst bully. With the one I love and fear most. I hope this turns out well… or at least not too bad.
It's the day. The day when I'm going to Anna's house.
I'm ready; I'm dressed with my usual clothes, I've done my hair, I've had breakfast and I've put all what I need in my backpack. Now I just have to figure out how to get to her house. It's not like I don't know where her house is, but I still don't have even a penny, so I'd have to go walking, but her house is even farther away than the school. I sigh. I must get going if I don't want to be late, even if it's 8:30 in the morning.
I descend the stairs and find Kai and Gerda still sitting at the table just talking.
"Elsa?" Gerda says when she sees me. Kai turns around to face me too. "Where are you going?"
"I… I'm meeting with someone." I stutter nervously.
"Oh? Do you have a date?" She asks excited. At her words, my heart starts racing without me having control over it and my cheeks turn pink because of the thoughts of certain girl whom I'll be seeing today. It's hard for me to stay calm and answer as casual as possible.
"N-no I-I just…" Well that didn't go as I planned it. I clear my throat and focus on concealing my feelings. "I have to do something with a classmate. For English class."
"Really?" She seems disappointed. "Because yesterday I heard a part of your conversation over phone. I thought you were inviting him on a date".
"I-It's a her actually." I have the urge to clarify, though I somewhat feel like this conversation is more about my sexuality than the gender of my schoolwork partner. "A-Anna." I add softly.
"What a shame. With such good looks as yours I'm sure there should be thousands of men trying to win your favor." I force a smile, not really wanting to discuss this. First, there isn't even one single man after me. Second this doesn't matter anyways because I'm lesbian. Third, I'd preferred it if only one woman (a redhead) thought that I'm at least somewhat worth her sympathy, but this doesn't happen either, so… yeah.
Kai obviously notices my discomfort because he interferes.
"So, Elsa, where are you going to meet her?"
"At her house." I answer, glad to change the subject.
"And how are you going to get there?" He eyes me suspiciously. I don't like that stare.
Not again. Please, I don't want to abuse of your time and kindness.
"I'm taking you." He says when I don't answer. I open my mouth, but as usual he cuts my protests even before they even start. "I won't accept a 'no' for answer. I know you were planning on walking, and I can't allow that. Come on, give me her address."
I sigh. I know how stubborn he can be, and that there's no use on arguing with him… besides, if I am completely honest with myself, I really need his help if I want to arrive in time to Anna's house.
"Fine." I say with resignation. "But just to make it clear, I really don't want to take advantage of your kindness."
"Don't be silly, dear." Gerda interferes. "During all this time you haven't asked for one single favor from us, and we are helping you willingly now, so there's no reason for you to feel like you're taking advantage of us."
I disagree, but still I don't want to argue with them and so I just stay quiet for a moment and then give Kai the address and tell him the hour when I'm supposed to meet her. He nods and tells me we're leaving fifteen minutes before eleven. I suppose I have enough time to go over the information I found in case there're any flaws.
Anna's house is huge. That's the first thing that I think as I look at the three-stored house in front of me. Then, when I arrive to the front door to be met with a fingerprint scanner, a password device and a keyhole, all of them for the sole purpose of opening the door, I get convinced that Anna's parents must be very wealthy. When a butler comes to attend after I press the ring bell, I'm reminded of my old house.
"Hello." He says. "How can I help you?" I swallow audibly trying to get over the nervousness that suddenly took control over my whole body before answering.
"I-I… I'm here t-to see A-Anna."
"What for?" He asks with a distrusting gaze.
"I… She… We…" I totally lose control over my mouth. I can't make the words come out right. Why am I so damn nervous? Because soon I'll be seeing Anna? Or because this man eyes me as if I were trying to kidnap her?
"Elsa?" Comes a voice from inside the house and the butler turns around, searching for the source, letting me see the girl I came here to see. "Let her in." She orders. "We'll be making schoolwork together."
"As you wish, Ms. Summers." He says taking a step back in order to allow me getting in. I do so and stay awkwardly in front of the door even after the butler leaves while Anna just stares at me intently without saying a word.
I look at her and take in her appearance. She's not wearing the provocative clothes she usually wears at school. No short skirts or shorts, nor jeans so tight they probably cut off her circulation; no revealing cleavage or no high heels; just normal clothes for a girl of her age: blue jeans which aren't too loose but neither too tight, a white shirt underneath a green hoodie and sneakers. I really like how she looks like at school; she is so sexy and mature that could literally make anyone drool for her, but I've missed so much her innocent look; she looks so damn cute that for a moment I consider that the girl who has been bullying me this past months is Anna's evil twin and that this girl in front of me is the one I came to love after spending just one month with her.
I deviate my eyes at the ground and lower my head trying to conceal the blush that appeared on my cheeks and slow my heart rate. I try to remind myself that this is the same Anna that has hurt me as no one else (besides by father) has before… but looking at her innocent smile and adorable looks I can't bring myself to resent her, or even fear her, and I let my guard down. After all she did promis that she wouldn't do any harm to me, so there shouldn't be a reason to be afraid of her… right?
"Uhm…" She says making me look up, expecting her to continue. "We should… get started. Follow me." I notice she is looking at everywhere but me as she says it, and when she turns around and starts walking, not looking back even once to see if I'm following her.
She must be disgusted by your looks. After all she said so herself; she thinks you are so monstrous that no one could ever have any interest onyou.
I ignore myself and start walking, trying to suppress the pain that the stupid voice inside my head caused on me. I'm proud that I didn't break in the spot as I do when I'm alone in my house, but my mood still darkens a little.
Anna leads me to a large room where there's one couch, a table covered with books, notes and a red laptop, and an unordered bookshelf at the furthest wall. All the house was decorated for Christmas, but this place has way much more decorations than the rest; two pine trees with many different spheres and lights of diverse colors, plastic mistletoe delineating the walls, a false chimney with three different boots with candies inside them, a toy train on it's tracks, which occupies almost a quarter of the room, and many different snowmen all over the place. There are many wooden ones hanging from the walls, others stuffed lying around, one made of ceramic sitting on the table, various plastic ones, three climbing up a wooden stair at one wall, and even some of the spheres at the trees are snowmen.
"Do you like it?" She asks. "Since this is where I spend most of my time during vacation I wanted to decorate it myself. I even made some of the snowmen." She states, smiling proudly.
"That explains the disorder." I mutter to myself, but regret it noticing how Anna's smile disappears, obviously having heard what I said. "B-but I like it." I clarify. "Really, it's…" How can I describe it? "Warm. And cozy."
"Do you really think so?" She asks with a hopeful expression. I nod. "Thank you." She smiles again, that bright and wide smile that I missed so much.
"I just have one question." I say. "Why snowmen?" I'm curious because snowmen have a really deep meaning for me.
"I don't know." She shrugs. "Maybe it has something to do with the fact that winter was always my favorite season because I could make snowmen at the garden and pretend they were my friends." She says it as if didn't matter to her, but it actually pains me to imagine a redheaded little girl with no more friends than snowmen. It reminds me of myself. She laughs nervously and without happiness, which makes me want to say something to cheer her up again, but I don't know what, so for a few moments we just stay in an awkward silence for the second time since I arrived a few minutes ago. "Anyways." She sighs. "We should get started."
"Oh… right." I say, glad that she changed the subject. "I've been doing some research, and I think we should focus on the pirates' golden age." She looks at me questioningly and I rush to explain it, knowing that she probably didn't search information beforehand. "You know, when they practically ruled over the Caribbean…"
"I know which the pirates' golden age is, Elsa." She says looking offended. "I've been reading about pirates half of my life and I bet I know more about the subject than you." I shrink at her outburst. I didn't mean to sound like I thought she didn't know anything about pirates.
But you accomplished just that, though. You, deep down, think that she's stupid.
Well, she is Hans' friend with benefits and part of his circle of brainless girls. Plus she's been doing poorly at school. She hasn't done many things to make me think otherwise.
You did have some interesting conversations with her at the beginning of the year. I thought that was one of the reasons you fell for her in the first place.
"Sorry." I say ashamed.
"It's all right. Now tell me, why do you want to focus on the pirates' golden age?"
Isn't it obvious?
"Because most of the pirate-themed famous books are about that time?" Great. I said it like a question.
"True, but do you remember one of the important points of the talk we need to prepare?" She asks. I stare in confusion. She sighs and rolls her eyes. "Be original! We are supposed to investigate about, not the most popular aspects of the subject, but about the less known things that, regardless, are still important to literature."
Damn she's right. How on earth did I miss it but she didn't?
Now you're finally realizing who is the stupid one?
"So… what do you suggest?" I ask, knowing that in this case it will be better to let her take the lead.
"Pirate women."
"W-why?" Of all things she could have said, this seemed like the less important to me. After all, everybody know most of pirates were men.
"First I'll tell you my selfish personal reasons: I've always admire their strength and adventurous nature, and I think that this world lack appreciation for women like that and that we should show to our classmates how this kind of women are a lot more worth than the submissive and helpless damsels." I arch an eyebrow. How does it has something to do with the points we have to fill? "Now, the real reasons, those that will convince the teacher about how valid it is for us to focus on them. On one hand, a legend about a Viking female pirate named Alvida inspired most of the fairytales that have been written, and on the other, a lot of famous writers of all nations and ages, since Miguel the Cervantes Saavedra to Daniel Defoe, have written about women being pirates. Not stories, though, just opinions that, due to their great influence, caused many people to despise these women even more than they despised male pirates."
Wow. Those are very valid reasons. She has impressed me. You were right, her intelligence is one of the reasons I like her.
I told you so.
"Well, then I'll let you take the lead." I say. "We'll do it your way."
"Really?" She says in a hopeful tone. "Oh… uhm… A-are you sure? I mean, you are the smart one here."
"I'm not." I say honestly, and it shames me to admit it out loud. "And I don't know a thing about pirate women, so it's best if you are the one in charge."
"Oh, great! This is one of my favorite subjects, right after Joan D'arc, so I was really looking forward to do it. C'mon, we should start!" She says excitedly pulling me towards the couch and making me sit on it before she goes grabbing some books and notes and sits by my side, ready to teach me everything she knows about pirate women.
During three hours Anna makes me learn the stories of various pirates, starting with the legend of Alvida, which, even if at first I was sceptic to believe inspired the fairytales, I'm promptly convinced otherwise. The legend says that there was a Viking princess who was so beautiful that her mother envied her good looks and her father was jealous of the men that would try to win her heart, and so the King locked her in a tower, guarded by soldiers during day and snakes during night, and said that the one who were able to rescue her, would marry the princess. As in fairytales, a prince of Denmark rescued her, but when he was planning the wedding with her father, she escaped, along with her maids, in a ship and became a pirate. The story, however, doesn't have exactly a happy ending because the prince found her and captured her, forcing the princess to marry him.
Then Anna told me about some other females with this 'profession', if it can actually be called that, and finally about the two most famous pirate women, which lived during the golden age and were part of the crowd of Captain John Rackman; Anne Bonny and Mary Read. Their stories are quite interesting actually (though I prefer Mary's), so we agreed to do most of the talk about them. However, Anna thought we must do something more, something to make our classmates remember them forever, as she said. The problem is that we spent half an hour trying to come up with something but nothing is good enough for Anna. I am getting a little upset with the girl when she says:
"There's no use. We must take a break, what do you say if we go eat some food and then keep thinking?"
"Sounds good." I answer because I was almost exasperated at that point, not because I'm hungry.
"Follow me." She says getting up. "The meal should be ready by now."
We arrive at the dining room, which is as well decorated for Christmas and has a very large wooden table (for at least ten people) with a tablecloth which has snowmen and reindeers printed on it. She motions me to take a sit and then goes to an adjacent room (the kitchen, I suppose), where I hear her telling someone to serve the food. She returns and sits in front of me just as a woman enters carrying two plates of soup, which she places in front of us. I turn around searching for a spoon and, in that moment, another woman places the silverware at both sides of our plates, and a man give us glasses which he fills with water. When they leave we start eating in an awkward silence, only broken by the sound of the spoons hitting the plate. When we both finish our soup (Anna a lot faster and not precisely in a lady-like way, which is so cute that I actually have to look away in order to avoid blushing at the sight), she calls for the servant to take away our plates and bring us the main dish, which in this case is hamburgers. As I grab my knife and prepare to cut it, Anna finally speaks.
"So… are we going to stay silent the whole time we eat? Because it's getting a little awkward." Until she says it, I was purposely staying quiet because I didn't think that she would want to speak with me when it wasn't strictly necessary, but now I regret it; she actually sounds upset.
What were you expecting? Normal people talk while they eat, even if they are with someone they don't like at all. If you weren't a total moron you'd know that.
"S-sorry." I say. "I-I just… I don't know what to talk about."
"Neither do I." She sighs. "After all we don't really know each other, so I don't have any idea of what would be interesting for you…" Her eyes suddenly brighten as if she suddenly had an idea. "We should ask questions to know each other! We'll do it for turns and it isn't allowed to lie. However, we can not answer the question if it makes us uncomfortable, what do you say?"
"Uhm… okay." I agree, not wanting to let her down, and liking the idea of getting to know her better."
"I'll start!" She says excitedly and then puts her finger at her chin, thinking. "This is an easy one, what's your favorite color?"
"Blue." I say smiling, glad that she didn't started with something personal. "And yours?"
"Green." She answers. "When is your birthday?"
"In three days."
"What?! 21th of December? No way!" She exclaims surprised.
"It is. I'm turning seventeen." I add.
"So you're one year and a half older than me; I'm turning sixteen on June 20th."
Uh? I thought she was my age. After all, she is in the same class as me.
"If you are fifteen, why are you a junior?"
"I got excellent grades on the exam when I entered High school, so they decided that my knowledge was way over the ones of my age."
That's surprising. I didn't know she was that smart.
"Now…" She says. "If you are as intelligent as everyone says and always get the best notes, then why are you a junior? Shouldn't you be already at college?"
I pause at this. She's right; many teachers suggested me to take classes from more advanced years to graduate early and enter the University sooner. Even my father insisted me on doing so. But the truth of why I didn't do it… I never told it to anyone.
"I-it's okay if you don't answer." She says sensing my discomfort. "That was too personal."
"Thank you." I say, appreciating that she isn't forcing me to speak. However, I know that deep inside she's curious and, besides, I think it's time to tell someone about this; it can't be good to have so much secrets that doesn't even need to be secrets. "B-but I'll tell you if you promise me you won't tell anyone."
"I promise." She says raising her hand and smiling.
"Okay. I'm afraid that I won't get so much perfect notes if I skip one year; every bit of information can be crucial to understand something more complex, and I can't risk to have less than perfect grades."
"Why?" She asks curious. "I mean, grades can't always tell you how much knowledge someone really has."
But they certainly help.At least that's what my father think.
"I think it was my turn." I say, trying to avoid answering that.
"Oh… right. Sorry. Please, make your question."
"Why are you doing poorly at school if you are so advanced at most subjects?"
"I-I… uh…" Her face becomes pale and she swallows, clearly not wanting to answer. I open my mouth to reassure her, when she speaks. "I prefer not to answer that."
"It's okay." I say, though I'm a bit disappointed. "It's not my place to make such questions."
"Thanks." She gives me a little smile before proceeding to ask another question. "Do you…?" She starts but pauses, re-thinking what she is going to say, hesitating a little before continuing. "Uhm… You don't have to answer, and I understand if you think I am being rude but… uh… Do you hate me?" As soon as she asks, she shrinks and closes her eyes, as if fearing my answer.
"What makes you think I do?" I ask slightly mad at myself for making her think such a thing about me.
"Well… I'd hate me if I were you. I mean, I've done pretty mean things to you for no good reason." She pauses and inhales deeply, as if knowing she is getting into dangerous territory. "Besides, what you did to me… pretending to be my friend and all…" She sighs and lowers her gaze. "I can't think of another reason for you to do that." She seems sad, like this is really hurting her. I hate to see her sad.
"I-I don't hate you." I say before I can stop myself. "I've never hated you." She looks up with a hopeful expression and the most beautiful gleam I've seen.
"Really?"
"Yes." I say, not wanting to let her down. "And I'm sorry if I hurt you by doing what I did and saying what I said."
"I'm sorry too." She says. "I really am. I guess I was just mad at you for rejecting me and all, because I truly wanted to be your friend."
"I wanted to be your friend too." I answer without thinking.
"W-what?!" She almost screams, utterly surprised.
Watch your damn tongue!
"I-I… I just… I m-mean…" I try to make up an excuse and keep my lie intact, but I don't want to let her down again, and my mouth speaks without my consent. "I-I didn't pretend to be your friend."
"T-then why…?" She isn't able to complete her question, but I still know what she wanted to say.
"I-I..." What can I tell her? The truth? She'd never believe me. I have to think on something quickly. "I was scared. I'd never had a friend before, and I was scared of letting someone in and getting hurt. "I'm lying of course. A long time ago I stopped caring about getting myself hurt, but it's credible. "That's why I pushed you away. I didn't think you saw me as a friend though, and so I thought it wouldn't hurt you. I'm sorry."
"Oh." She stays silent for a moment. "That makes sense." We keep staring at our eyes for a while before she clears her throat. "Your turn."
Oh. The game. I completely forgot about it.
"Do you hate me?" I ask, and my heart skips a beat, afraid of a positive answer.
"No. I know it seems like it, but honestly I didn't mean anything I did to you. At first I was mad and then it was just to take out some anger and frustration. Sorry if you were the victim, but I just didn't know what else I could do. Sorry, again. I know I sound selfish." She sighs.
"I understand." I say truthfully. "It must be hard for you to deal with Snow's critics and Hans' harassment every day." She looks at me wide eyed and I know I shouldn't have said that. "Sorry. That was out of line."
"It's all right." She sighs. "And you're right; it is hard. Mostly because I'd always been the type of girl who believes in fairytales. You know. True love, happy endings, wish upon a star... All those silly things. So when they showed me that all of this doesn't exist... that true love doesn't exist, I got really depressed." As she says it, she looks very sad, as if just saying it was draining her.
"Love does exist." I say with conviction, trying to reassure her. "Only it's always one-sided." And failing.
You just had to mention your current situation even if she doesn't care about it and ruin it all, didn't you? You are useless when it comes to comfort someone.
"Do you love someone?" She asks unbelieving.
"I did. Now I'm not so sure. "
"Oh." She frowns for a moment. "You're lucky; even if it's one-sided I'd like to experience love myself. At least once."
"I thought you loved Hans."
"I liked him. I mean, he is handsome, smart and has a very interesting personality. Not to mention he really knows how to seduce. But I don't think those are reasons to love someone. Not when they only want to use you and don't really care about who you are." She seems to be getting sadder at every second, and I desperately want to make her feel better. The problem is that I don't have any idea about how, after all we are not even friends, shouldn't she be telling all this to someone else, someone who she trusts?
"W-why are you telling this to me?" I ask.
"Oh… sorry. I shouldn't… I just assumed… never mind." She sighs looking miserable.
You fool, you can't just ask such a question when someone is telling this kind of things to you. You made it sound like you don't care about her.
"S-sorry." I apologize. "I didn't mean to sound rude, I-I just…" I sigh. "I'm no one, and you have so many friends and your family… shouldn't you talk to them about this?"
"The only friends I have now are Hans' friends as well, and I can't exactly tell my family that I am the unwilling friend with benefits of a guy who fooled me making me think he loved me so he could have sex with me!" Now she seems angry, and I regret having opened my mouth. I retreat into my chair and I think she notices it because she calms down a little. "I'm sorry, I just… I was never one to keep my emotions bottled up and I thought I could trust you?" She says the last part in a questioning tone.
"You can." I assure her. "I'm not telling anyone about this if you don't want me to. And you can count on me to talk, or whatever you need. "
"Thank you." She says with a sweet smile. "I think you could be a very good friend."
I disagree. I don't know anything about human relations.
"Who's turn is now?" She suddenly asks.
"T-turn?" What is she talking about? Oh, right! The game. "I-I think it's yours." I don't actually have any idea, but I don't know what to ask.
"Perfect." Anna's smile grow even wider. "Do you wanna build a snowman?"
After finishing our hamburgers and having eaten two chocolate truffles as dessert, we exited the house and started playing in the snow. Anna let me borrow a pair of gloves so that my hands wouldn't freeze and a red jacket that she never uses.
It's been years since I last built a snowman, maybe five or six, and I was a little reluctant because it reminds me of sad times. But it was a long time ago and I shouldn't let my old fears get on the way of Anna's happiness, since this seems to be very important for her, so I agreed to her crazy idea and now here we are making the snowballs that will be functioning as the snowman's body.
Once we're done with the body, we proceed to make the head, though it ends up being a little odd shaped due to Anna's excitement, and I tell her we should make another one, but she insists that it's perfect and I don't have the heart to discuss with her any further. Once it's situated on top the other two snowballs, Anna urges me to search for some pebbles, which will be the snowman's buttons and eyes, and I obey. When I come back with the little rocks, I found her trying to carve a mouth on the snowman's face, which I find strange, since when I built snowmen back in Norway, I always made their mouths out of little pebbles, but I don't question her, wanting to see how she prefers the snowmen.
Once we've placed the rocks in the correct places and Anna has put a carrot on the snowman's face as a nose, we finish our creation with some branches as his arms and smaller pieces of wood as his hair.
We sit on the snow, in front of him, trying to come up with a verdict. He is short, even for a snowman, and the lower part of his body is too large in my opinion, and his head looks very misshapen, not to mention his mouth is way too large and the single tooth that comes out of it makes him look just stupid. I sigh. What were we thinking? This was a stupid idea. I hadn't made any snowmen in a long time, and I lost practice, but I accepted because I wanted her to be happy. Now she is probably disappointed.
You are a failure.
"A-Anna I'm so-"
"Elsa." Her voice cuts me off just when I'm about to apologize, but I can't tell if she is upset or just shocked by the abomination in front of her, and I don't dare to look at her face to find out. Both options are equally discouraging. "Elsa… we did it!" She exclaims suddenly, throwing her arms around me and squishing hard, giving me the tightest hug I've ever experienced. Surprisingly I don't flinch this time or try to retreat… I do blush until my face becomes a tomato though.
I'm confused. Why did she hug me? Did she actually like the snowman? Is it possible that she doesn't see him as the greatest abomination that has ever existed among snow-built creatures? Why? Isn't people supposed to like only what's nothing less than perfect?
In that moment she breaks the hug and I'm able to see her beaming red face, so beautiful and happy that it takes my breath away. In that moment I'm convinced she isn't just pretending that she liked it; she really, really, loves it.
"D-did you like it?" I ask, wanting to hear it from her.
"Are you kidding me? He's perfect!" She exclaims while her smile grows wilder, if that's even possible.
"W-why?" I ask, still not comprehending her fascination over something that ugly.
"Why not?" She asks back, titling her head at one side, her smile not falling even a little.
"Well, he's… h-he's…" Upon seeing her innocent smile I can't bring myself to say that he is ugly. "He's not… like the other snowmen."
"Of course!" She says. "That's what makes him special, silly." She giggles cutely, making me want to giggle myself, but I manage to remain mostly unfazed… until she places a palm on my cheek. "He is the first snowman I've made with someone else… someone who is not a servant." The stare that she gives me is so intense that it makes me gulp and chuckle nervously. "And that is enough for me to love him."
"M-maybe you're right." I stutter, turning to look at the snowman in an attempt to avoid Anna's gaze. As I do, I'm filled with a very strange feeling towards that unanimated pile of snow, like… proud? It's a very odd feeling directed towards such an imperfect thing; my father would say I'm stupid and crazy just for considering that this could be something to be proud of, but I can't help it. What Anna said it's true; it doesn't matter that he is very strange and different, and maybe even ugly in other people's eyes. He's mine and Anna's snowman. We made him together, as friends. He is the physical manifestation of our blossoming friendship and that's enough for me to love him.
Suddenly I feel an arm surrounding my shoulders and I turn to see Anna, who has a teasing smile on her face.
"I'm Anna Summers. I'm always right."
Self-confident much? I can't fool myself, though; I like this side of her.
"Do you wanna take a photo with him?" She suddenly asks.
"I'm not photogenic." I say, smiling shyly.
"Nonsense." She retorts, getting up and grabbing my arm to pull me with her. "Come on, this cute snowman deserves a picture with both of his mommies."
M-mommies?
I'm so nervous due to her hand grabbing my arm that I don't struggle when she places me at the snowman's right side while she goes kneeling to his left. I stay standing there as she gets out her cellphone, processing what's happening, and, when she's about to take the photo she notices I'm not at the same level as her and the snowman.
"Come on, Elsa. Kneel down!" She urges me, beaming. I do as she says and she hold up her phone. "Smile!" She says before touching the screen so the cell phone takes the picture. Once it's done, however, she sees it and turns to me. "It's not that bad, but it could be better. Care to take a second one?"
I bet she looks beautiful, but your ugly and dumb face obviously ruined it.
"I told you I wasn't photogenic. Why don't you take a photo of you alone with this snowman?"
"But you look good in that photo, it's just…" She bites her lip, not wanting to finish that sentence.
I'm ugly, I know. I'm a monster, just say it already! It's not as if you haven't saidit before.
"You didn't smile. And you look beautifuller when you smile." Her eyes widen. "N-not fuller, you don't look fuller, but more… more beautiful." She frantically tries to correct herself, only making it worse. It's adorable. And funny. And I just can't help laughing behind my hand even closing my eyes and, when I open them, I see her taking a photo of me. "See?" She asks showing me her screen, where there's a picture of me laughing… and blushing. "I told you. I really like you when you're not all stone-faced."
"I like to smile too." I say. "It's better than to cry anyways. I'd even forgotten how it feels to beam like this."
Only you can make me smile.
"Come on, now let's take some photos." She says excitedly.
Anna insisted on taking several pictures, not only of us and the snowman, or the snowman alone, but of me and her. She hugging me, me covered in the snow she just threw at me, me carrying her bridal style (I opposed to this but who could've said no to those illegally adorable puppy dog eyes?), of her kissing my cheek while I become impossibly red, of us making snow angels while holding hands (I told her it would look weird, but whatever, she really insisted on that one) and the last one, the one that really took me by surprise and crept me out; of her licking my cheek, while I closed my eyes in disgust.
You enjoyed it, admit it. You're disgusting.
Shut up. I would've enjoyed it if she had licked me somewhere else, but… Oh perfect. She just summoned my libido. I thought I had gotten rid of it.
"Hey Elsa!" Anna interrupts my thoughts while we shake the snow off our clothes at the entry.
"Yes?" I ask.
"I think now I know what to do for the talk to be unforgettable."
"Oh." I completely forgot about it during the past few hours. "What is it?" I say with curiosity, smiling at her enthusiasm.
She smiles back, but it's a mischievous smile that shows clearly that she's up to no good.
"Seriously?" I ask raising an eyebrow as I see myself at the mirror of her bathroom. I'm wearing a black vest with silver skulls painted on it, brown tight pants that look pretty dirty (though I know it's just paint), boots and a toy sword tied to my belt.
"I think something's missing." Anna says while placing a finger at her chin. "O, I know!" She suddenly exclaims, takes a red paliacate out of her "magic bag" and ties it around my head, making me wince when some of my hairs are pulled. "There you are. The most handsome-beautiful pirate girl who has ever existed in this world." She is smiling proudly, but I'm just staring at her in disbelief. I think she completely lost her mind. Maybe the cold got in her head and damaged her brain?
"Y-you're just kidding right? We're not seriously gonna dress up like pirates."
"Why not?" She asks innocently.
"Never mind." I sigh. I'm not going to let down the girl who just made me smile like never before, even if it means I would have to wear a ridiculous disguise.
"Good." She says. "Now, let me change into my own pirate suit before we start the play."
"P-play?"
"Why else would we dress up? We are gonna play Anne and Mary."
Please just kill me now. I don't want to die from embarrassment.
Why does this girl have this kind of power over me? Why do I do everything she asks?
"O-okay." I say before exiting the bathroom and waiting for her with my back pressed against the wall.
After about fifteen minutes she comes out, and what I look really makes me get… aroused. Yes, I know, I'm disgusting, but seriously she shouldn't be allowed to wear those black boots with high heels, that black short skirt that shows so much of her perfectly toned legs, that white shirt that, if it had a little more cleavage, would be showing her perfect breasts completely (…wait, did they grow since the last time I saw them this close? Because she seems to be a B cup now…), that tight brown vest that makes her waist look tinier and her hips stand up even more, that pirate hat and twin braids that make her look cute and badass at the same time...
"When you're done drooling we can start working with our little play." She says smirking, interrupting my thoughts.
"Oh? Oh! Yeah, totally, let's go."
She giggles and starts making some space in her living room to allow us to move easier, moving some stuff from one place to another. I would help her, but I don't know what can I touch and what not… I know what I want to touch though.
How does she expect me to concentrate when she is looking so sexy?
If you were a normal person you would be able to keep your eyes off of her ass.
I don't have my eyes on her ass.
Creep. Abomination. Monster. You should be locked on at a prison on the artic pole, where your disturbing thoughts couldn't hurt anybody. She just made you smile and be happy for the first time in months and how do you pay her? By stare-raping her.
"Elsa are you all right?" She asks me, stopping the voice on my head of keeping saying those mean things at me. "You're sweating." She places a hand on my forehead and I have to swallow to get rid of a part of nervousness and be able to talk.
"T-totally. Let's-…. let's just get this over with."
"Perfect!" She exclaims getting her hand off my forehead (thankfully) and retrieving her notes. "Well, so I was thinking we should do some narrating at the first part, since we can't perform it with just two people, and then act the part when they meet. I will be Anne and you Mary. Ready?"
"O-ok." I squeak.
"Do you remember how they met?"
"Uhm…" I trail off.
Think, come on, it's not that hard to focus on something that isn't her chest!
"M-Mary got into Rackman's crowd. R-right?" I answer unsure.
"Correct! But she did so dressed up as a man, so they didn't know she was truly a girl, you know, because of that sexist myth that women on board bring bad luck." I nod, urging her to continue. "And she fooled them… even Anne." I don't like where this is going. "Now, ready? This scene is mostly me doing the job. You just stand there and procure looking perturbed when it seems appropriate, okay?"
"F-fine." I stutter, casting my eyes to the side and blushing already.
"Here we go." She puts her notes aside, closes her eyes and inhales deeply. When she opens her eyes again I can see she's transformed into some ruthless, brave and… horny? pirate. "Hello handsome." She says with a flirty tone and half-lidded eyes, approaching me dangerously. "Captain Read, isn't it?"
"M-Mary w-wasn't c-c-captain." I stutter nervously.
"Oh! That's right." She drops her act for a moment. "Okay, let's start over. "She clears her throat and gets into character again. "Sailor Read, what are you doing this beautiful day?"
"N-nothing… at all." I improvise, wondering if this was the right thing to say. Seems like it was because now her beautiful eyes are mere inches away from mine and her right hand is touching my cheek. I swallow, and try to divert my gaze.
"Oh? I think we should fix that. We don't want lazy men on board, do we?" As she speaks, she leans in, getting so close to me that I can feel her breath on my lips. I close my eyes, trying to focus on what I am supposed to do next but I can't bring myself to think of anything slightly coherent.
This is just an act goddammit! You shouldn't be getting all nervous and aroused. You are pathetic, in this stateof mindyou can't even remember what Anna told you about Mary's story. You are a failure.
"Elsa?" Anna asks giggling and taking one step back, allowing my thoughts to be a little less sexual. "Did you forget what happens next?"
Please tell me that they kiss! I mean…
"Hum… Mary… No, Anne… She…"
"Mary shows her tits to Anne to prove that she's not a man." She says in a very serious and calm tone.
"What?!" I exclaim panicked. "I'm not going to do that!" She burst into laughter so hard that she even bends over and hugs her stomach, almost running out of air.
"Oh my god! You should've seen you face!" She says still gasping for air. "Priceless!" I see tears getting out of her eyes as she continues laughing.
"Well, I'm glad to see that making fun of me makes you so happy." I say in a serious tone, putting on an angry expression and crossing my arms, upset with me more than her, for not remembering that's not what happens… and also for getting turned on at the thought. Her laughter instantly dies when she sees me.
"Elsa, I'm sorry, it was only a joke." She says walking towards me and placing her arms on my shoulders. "Please forgive me?" She says in a sweet tone, batting her eyelashes.
"No." I say curtly, deviating my gaze to the left to avoid being enraptured by her charm, not wanting to give in yet just to see what she does.
"Please?" She says again, this time hugging me and placing her head at the crook of my neck, practically nuzzling on me. Instantly butterflies invade my stomach and a very pleasurable sensation runs through my body. I blush badly and I know I could just faint any moment, but I fight to keep myself calm and conceal my feelings.
"Alright, fine." I roll my eyes, giving up on my little act to avoid her getting even more… persuasive.
"Really?" She says excitedly letting go of me and backing up a couple of steps. I don't know if I should be glad or not.
"On one condition." Now that we're here I should as well take advantage of this situation.
"Whatever you want."
A kiss.
Focus!
"Let's not do that again. Acting is really not my thing." And I don't want to lose control of myself and kiss you in front of our classmates.
"B-but…"
"It was funny and all, but I don't think this is what the teacher wants." I say with an apologetic smile. She pouts. "We could still dress up like pirates if you want." I partially give in; I'd really like to see her in that costume again.
"Maybe you're right. It was childish." She sighs. "But funny." She smiles. "And we will dress up like Anne and Mary." She adds mischievously.
"Okay. Now let's continue with the information we have to study. It's getting late and soon I'll have to go." I really don't want to go, but I can't arrive late at home and Kai said he would be coming to pick me up around seven.
"Fine." She says. "But you will keep those clothes on as we do it." I open my mouth to protest, but she doesn't give me the chance. "You owe it to me, since you didn't want to make the little play."
"Okay." I sigh.
As long as you don't start making weird things again... Weird things that really turn me on.
After two hours of just trying to learn every bit of information we can about women pirates, I watch to the clock to see it's already fifteen minutes before seven. I turn to see Anna reading thoughtfully one of the many books about piracy that she has, and tell her:
"Uhm… Anna, I think it's time for me to go.
"Uh? Already?" She says turning to see me. I nod.
"Well, go change, then. I'll wait here."
I do as she tells me, and when I come back I find her sitting on her couch with a very thoughtful and serious expression.
"Is everything okay?" I ask.
"What? Oh, yeah, totally, it's just…" She bites her lip. "I really enjoyed our time together and I was thinking… We should… be friends." She says the last part very anxiously.
"I'm sorry. That's not possible." I state sadly, remembering Snow's threatening.
"Why not? Earlier you said…"
"I know what I say, but…" Should I tell her the truth? I don't want to lie and hurt her again. I don't want us to be apart, because if I'm honest with myself, this was the best day of my life in High School. But, if I do the selfish decision of being her friend, she will be an outcast, just like me. I can't do this to her. "W-we… we belong to different status in the High School hierarchy, and I'm an enemy of your friends. They won't accept our friendship."
"Well, fuck them!" She exclaims getting up. "I want you." She walks towards me and takes my hand, giving my brain a hard time trying to process the intensity of her stare. She's not lying. "Please Elsa, I don't care about the consequences."
Why do I feellikeshe'stalking of something else?
"It's not possib…"
"There must be a way." She cuts me off. "You make me happy, and only with you I can be myself. Please." She seems desperate, she must really want this, but I don't understand why. Why would she pay any price just to be with such a worthless person as myself? "Pease, Elsa, I know you may me doubtful of my intentions, but believe me, the one who treated you like shit all this time wasn't the real me… Please."
"I-I don't know Anna." I say taking a step back, very surprised by the vehemence of her pleas. "I don't want any of us to get hurt."
I don't want them to hurt you.
"Well, I think we're already getting hurt, so it doesn't matter."
She has a good point.
"You don't understand. You haven't experienced the real High School, you are new in this world. If you mess up with your current friends, you'll seriously regret it." I finally see fear on her eyes, as if she finally understood how dangerous it would be for both of us to be together… as friends, of course. She bits her lip and looks away, clearly having a debate with herself. I kind of regret telling her this, but I can't be selfish and let her get close to me.
"If… If there was a way for us to be friends, would you do it?" She asks, still not looking at me.
I think for a moment. Would I? I know there's no way we could be friends without one of us (most likely Anna) getting hurt, but if there was a way, would I take the chance?
"Yes." I answer without a doubt.
"Well then promise me you'll think on ways for us to be friends and I'll do the same, but meanwhile, I think we should enjoy our vacations and continue seeing each other. What do you say?"
"I… I suppose it can't hurt." I shrug, pretending that it isn't that of a big deal, but actually I'm already exited and looking forward to our next meeting.
"Perfect!" She says smiling and I smile back. "Then let's meet in…" She pauses, thinking. "December 23th? Is that okay?"
"Yes. It's perfect."
More than perfect. I will be anxiously waiting for that day to come.
In that moment I glance towards the clock. It's already seven. I sigh.
"I must really go now."
"Oh! Of course, follow me." She leads me to the to the entrance and there she turns to me, her eyes slightly sad.
Could she be sad because I'm going?
Of course not! Don't be ridiculous!
"So… I think this is the part when we say goodbye." She says with her hands on her back.
"Yeah…" I trail off. I really don't want to go yet. "It was nice spending time with you. Very different to how I supposed it would be. A good different." I give her a little smile and tend my hand for her to take. "Goodbye, Anna."
She doesn't take my hand, instead she hugs me tightly and says in my ear:
"Goodbye Elsa."
She lets go of me and we smile at each other for a moment before I turn around and step into the outside world. I see Kai's car parked on the street and I shake my head, remembering his stubbornness and knowing he is doing all this because he cares for me. Maybe my life isn't that bad after all. Not when I have two people who care for me and a redheaded girl who wants to be my friend no matter what. A beautiful girl with cute twin braids. I should tell her how good she looks like that, that's something friends do, right?
"Anna?" I say turning around, just a few steps away from the door frame.
"Yes?" She says with a hopeful tone, staring at me from the entrance.
"I... I really like your braids."
"Thanks." She says blushing adorably. "I like your braid better, though." She gulps. "G-goodnight."
"Goodnight." I answer, giggling a little when I see her just standing there, not making a single move to go inside the house. I suppose she's just going to stay at the spot until I get in the car, so I reluctantly turn around and walk away.
I already miss her. I can't wait to see her again.