Chapter 9. A merry Christmas.
Today is the day I've been waiting for since my first visit to Anna's house; December 23th. Today I'll get to see the redhead again.
Time seemed to pass slower as the date approached, and I couldn't think about anything except Anna. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't do school work because I ended up daydreaming about her. My mind was even somewhat absent on my birthday when Kai and Gerda bought me a cake and gave me a present.
Talking about that… Kai gave me a car. Yes, a car. Why'd I need a car? If I can't pay the bus, much less all the gas the car would be using, and I don't even know how to drive. Not to mention, I don't deserve it; I'm already abusing too much of their kindness like a disgusting parasite, they shouldn't do anything more for me. I tried to refuse, of course, but they insisted that it was their son's car and that he didn't need it anymore (In case you're wondering, he's an adult now and has his own family, so he lives in another city), Kai even offered to teach me how to drive, arguing that, even if he is fine with acting as my driver, I should have some independence in case I want to go somewhere on my own. We argued for a while, but at the end I had to take it to avoid seeming ungrateful, which I wasn't, really! Actually giving me a car is the most generous thing anyone has done for me, and it made me happy to know they appreciate me enough to do it… but I'm just not worthy.
Anyways, on happier topics, I'm going to see Anna again! And I'm quite nervous about it, but it's a good nervousness… well, kind of; I'm still worried about somehow embarrassing myself or pushing Anna away with my boring and antisocial personality, but at least I hope that everything will run smoothly, just like the last time.
I arrive to her house just in time. Kai brought me here again and insisted on picking me up, even though I told him I didn't know the hour in which I would be ready to go. He just shrugged it off telling me to call him when I wanted to leave. I knew there was no point on arguing, so I reluctantly agreed and got off the car.
I stand in front of the door for several minutes before finally gathering the courage to push the ring bell. As it sounds, butterflies appear on my stomach and I have the strong impulse of running away, but I manage to stay in place until the door hastily opens… And I'm suddenly met with the gorgeous face that's been plaguing my dreams instead of the stern butler from the last time.
She's simply stunning. More than usual. She's not only beautiful; she looks utterly cute wearing those twin braids of her, but she's also indescribably sexy. Damn that short skirt! And those tight clothes! And that cleavage… So much freckled and smooth skin deliciously exposed for me to watch.
Stop right there, you disgusting creature! That skin is not "exposed for you to watch" Those are her usual clothes and she's using them because she thought it was safe with you because you're both women. She wasn't expecting for you to ogle her like you're doing. You. Stupid. Pervert. Mons…
"H-hi." Her beautiful voice interrupts my hurtful thoughts, making me forget about them completely.
"Hi." I say, my voice coming out timidly and much more softly than I intended, due to my anxiety at being in front of the most gorgeous girl in the planet. She stares at me for a moment before starting to speak.
"W-wanna come in? Well, of course you wanna come in, why else would you be here? I mean, if you wanted to stay out on the snow, you could've done it anywhere, not in front of my house… unless you wanted to stalk me. N-not that I think you're a stalker, on the contrary, I am more the stalker type, like I could easily get obsessed with you… o-or someone else really, n-not precisely you, just… Ugghh!" She screams in frustration and covers her adorably flushed face with her hands. I can't help laughter escaping from my mouth at her comical speech. It amazes me how easily she makes me laugh.
Yeah, laugh at her! Don't you see she's quite embarrassed?
Oh, right. I should go to put her at ease.
I walk towards her, gently take her hands (which literally send shivers through my whole body) and remove them from her red face.
"Hey, it's okay. I know what you meant to say." I say. "And yes, I wanna come in."
She nods and walks inside and upstairs while I follow her close behind. Actually on the stairs I have a nice view of her rear, which I slightly exposed under her tiny skirt…
Okay, I seriously should stop doing this. It's not right. Actually it's pretty wrong.
You think? You were just watching her rear, for god's sake! She shouldn't even let you be near her, much less bring you into her house.
I lower my head in shame, taking care of keeping my eyes on the ground the whole time, until we arrive to a room which I assume it's hers. I look up, not placing my gaze on the girl and instead admiring the large space that's her bedroom. There's a queen-sized bed to the left, a wardrobe to the right, a nightstand and a small table. It's also very homey, with that wooden floor and pink walls and a good amount of Christmas things decorating the place, much like her studio.
As I take it all in, I can feel the awkward silence growing between us, so I have the urge to say something. Maybe compliment her room?
"You have a nice room. It's very… large." I say. It's true; my actual room is approximately half the size of hers and the one I had in Norway was just a little smaller than this.
"Uh… thanks." She says. "It's like every room, really." She smiles uneasily.
Like every room? Really? The ones I've lived in my entire life weren't nearly as welcoming as yours. You should consider yourself lucky.
As my eyes continue to wander around the room (mostly because I don't want to see Anna and lose my mind again), something suddenly catches my attention; a blue half-circle shaped object resting on her nightstand. I have an idea of what it is, but could it be possible? After all this time?
Without noticing, my feet automatically start moving towards it and, before I can stop myself, I pick up the object while asking:
"Is this my headband?" Of course I know the answer, but I want some confirmation.
"Uh… eh… hehe." She stammers and laughs nervously, but I keep my eyes fixed on the thing. "Y-y-yes. I-I wanted to give it to you, really, but…" She sighs. "Hans… he b-broke it a-and I tried to repair it but it didn't end up well, so… yeah." She sighs again.
"You kept it this whole time?" I ask. How is it possible? In its current state, broken by the middle and poorly attached with masking tape, it's just a piece of trash, but she kept it nonetheless.
"Yes. It-it reminds me of you." She says and my heart skips a beat. "S-sorry… I told you I was the stalker type."
"I-its okay." I answer. "I think it's… cute." I do, and maybe in some other circumstances I'd be jumping from happiness at her words, but not now. Not with the broken gift from my brother firmly clenched between my hands. His last gift. The only thing I had left of him.
"You can have it, if you want." She offers. "It seems to be very important for you."
"Yeah…" I answer absent mindedly as memories start surging like a stream in my head. "Someone gave it to me, someone I l-loved… a lot."
More than that, my brother has been the only person who I've loved and has loved me back. I remember how we used to get along very well, even if he was six years older than me. He cared for me so much, always making sure I didn't hurt myself, defending me from the bullies, taking the blame of my mischiefs so father didn't punish me… In winter we also used to play on the snow, build snowmen, skate on the iced lake…
"Who was this person?" She interrupts my thoughts just in time for me to realize I was in the verge of tears. I blink rapidly to get rid of the wetness on my eyes and return the headband to its original place to avoid breaking down like the weak person I am.
"I… It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago." I say, trying hard to keep the sadness from expressing through my voice. "A-and no, I don't want it back. You can do whatever you want with it."
Because if I as much as look at it again I may start crying.
Pathetic.
"Okay, uh… I have a present for you, a birthday present." She says before walking to her closet and producing a small box wrapped in blue paper from it. "Here." She hands it to me.
A birthday present? I haven't gotten one (a normal one at least, not a car) since… No, let's not think about it.
"T-thanks." I answer taking it. "You really didn't have to."
"Nonsense, we're friends now. Friends usually give each other presents." Is she serious? She really thinks of me as her friend? "You can open it, y'know? I promise it won't explode or something." She says giggling.
I carefully open the box, trying not to tear the paper on the slightest, and extract a pair of blue earrings from it. They are breathtaking. My current earrings are nothing compared to this. These are glacier blue with the shape of frozen water drops, and are fairly large, but not too much. They remind me of the magnificent sight of the frozen forest back there on Norway.
"Oh Anna, they are so beautiful." I say sincerely.
"I'm glad you like them." She says smiling.
"I do, I do like them very much, but…" I feel pain on my chest at the words that I'm about to say. "I-I… I don't deserve them."
"What?! Why'd you say that? Of course you deserve them." She contradicts me.
"No, I don't." I sigh casting down her eyes.
"I dare you to tell me one single reason for not deserving a simple pair of earrings."
"I-I…"
Because I'm a monster, because I'm disgusting, because I'm not even worthy of my parents' love, because I'm a parasite, because I'm a bad person, because…
"See? Not even a reason." She interrupts the multiple possible answers going through my head, but before I can tell her at least one, she continues. "They are yours and you deserve them, so don't protest." I want to tell her that I really shouldn't have them, but I don't know how. However, before I can think about some polite but firm way to reject the present, she speaks. "Unless you don't really liked them?"
"No, I do." I exclaim, not wanting to make her think I'm ungrateful.
"Then you'll take them and won't protest anymore, am I clear?" She gives me a semi-serious expression, and I know that, if I refuse to take them now, she'd be disappointed and hurt, and that's the last thing I want.
"F-fine. Thank you." I say forcing myself to smile.
"Put them on so I can see how they look, will you?" She requests. I do as I'm told, putting my previous earrings on my pocket, and she leads me gently to where the mirror is. "See how beautiful you are?" She says as she leans her head on my shoulder, making my heart go wild.
I stare at my reflection, but all I see is a broken girl, weak, fearful and cold as ice. I don't see any beauty.
"Do you mean it?" I ask turning to look at her, searching for some kind of reassurance, hoping that, by some miracle, this wonderful girl finds me attractive.
"Yes, I do." She says smiling and turning to stare at my eyes. "And those earrings complement your eyes very nicely." The way she says it… it doesn't give room for doubts; she truly means it.
"T-thanks." I say softly while my face warms up and a smile appear on my lips. I still don't think I'm beautiful, but I'm really thankful for her compliment.
"Come on, I want to show you my house and then maybe we could build a snowman?" She asks hopefully.
"I'd love it." I answer.
"Good, what are we waiting for?" She exclaims excitedly getting off my shoulder (which makes me miss the contact instantly), instead taking hold of my hand and dragging me out of the room.
She showed me all her house, including a painting she introduced me to. Apparently "her" name is Joan D'arc and she's her best friend. I didn't know if I should take her seriously or not, after all, one must be very lonely to start thinking of paintings as friends, but then again, Anna was locked in her house her entire life, so it may be possible. I hope it's not.
After that, we ate meat and vegetables and then we went outside to build a snowman very similar to the first one, and had a snowball fight. I insisted Anna to wear a jacket, but she refused saying that she wasn't cold at all, even if she was shivering the whole time. The sweater she put on covered her cleavage, though, and I didn't know if I should've been be happy about it, since that way I didn't get too distracted with her body. But… well, let's be honest, I really enjoy admiring her beauty, even if I feel bad about it later.
Right now we're trying to get rid of the snow at the entrance. We're both wet and extremely cold, so I have to take off my sweater while Anna changes into warmer clothes that consist on a pair of blue jeans and a light-magenta and purple striped sweater that make her look very cute in my opinion. Once were both somewhat warm, she tells me to follow her downstairs and into the kitchen.
"Anna, why are we on the kitchen?" I am very confused right now.
"Because you're going to help me bake some cookies." She answers grinning.
"Am I now?" I ask amused.
"Yes, you are." She says crossing her arms over her chest and pouting adorably.
"Alright." I give in chuckling. "Care to show me how?"
"Uhm… I kinda don't know how to make cookies." She admits, embarrassed. But if she doesn't know how to make cookies, then how is she expecting us to do it? "B-but I have a recipe." She quickly says extracting a paper sheet from her pocket and showing it to me.
"Ginger cookies?" I ask as I read the title. "Very Christmassy of you."
"Well, Christmas Eve is tomorrow, so…"
"Do you have all the ingredients?"
"Of course, I thought of everything." She answers proudly.
"Fine, let's do it." I agree smiling. It sure will be fun. "Though I have to warn you; this is the first time I'm going to bake something."
"Don't worry, this is my first time too. We can learn together."
F-first time?!... Baking cookies, of course, but my mind wandered somewhere else for a second.
Concentrate, you pervert! You can't think of anything but sex, can you?
"A-alright." I stutter. "Let's do it."
"Fine." She says leaning on my shoulder to look at the recipe from there, but this little action puts my whole being on fire and suddenly every part of my body that came in contact with her seems to be more sensitive. "What about I sift the flour and the other powdery ingredients while you beat the butter?"
What about you take your head off of me so I can think clearly again?
"Sounds good." I somehow manage to say without revealing how much her presence is affecting me.
She separates from me, which allows me to think straight again (as straight as I can think anyways), and goes retrieving a bowl and a big spoon for me and another bowl and a sieve for her. Soon we start working side by side, she seems to be enjoying it a little too much; she's giggling uncontrollably just watching the flour fall, and her smile widens to impossible levels. I can't lie, I'm enjoying seeing her so happy and carefree because it makes her even more beautiful, but I know I can't keep staring at her, since I have a task to fulfill, and it's beating this stupid and hard butter.
I've never been an exceptionally strong person, and since I started my self-imposed fasting my muscles have grown even weaker, however I know I have to try with all my will to do what Anna asked me too; I don't want her to think less of me because of this. It would be easier if I had a beater of course, but… I don't want to ask. There must be a reason why she didn't give me one, and it would be impertinent if I ask for it, not to mention I may sound a little too demanding. So I start moving the spoon with more force trying (and failing) to make the beater's job.
"Hey, need some help?" She asks startling me.
"I-I'm fine." I lie. "Just do what you were doing, I can handle this."
"Come on, let me help you." She says gently while practically hugging me from behind to grab the spoon and move it, trying to succeed on what I couldn't. The sensation of her body pressed fully on mine is too much for me, even more when I can feel her perfect breasts on my back. I blush so hard that my body temperature increases considerably and I think I may faint.
"Hold on." She says in that moment and lets go of me to go get something. I breathe relieved and try to calm myself before she returns, but my heart isn't exactly cooperating as all I can hear is it's beating on my ears. Once she comes back, she places a beater on the table, connects it and gives it to me. "There you are." I carefully turn it on and start moving it around the bowl to make the butter softer, however, after several moments I catch Anna staring at me with a dreamy gaze in her features, as if she was zoning off.
"Anna? Weren't you sifting the flour?" I ask and start giggling when she blinks confused and blushes in the most adorable way. "I think you drifted off for a while."
"I-I already finished." She says quickly. "I-I was waiting for the butter to be completely beaten so I can pour the sugar."
"Oh." I feel a pang of pain in my chest, but I don't understand why. Maybe I was hoping she was staring at me? Maybe I wanted her to be day-dreaming about me? About us?
You know that's impossible, why would she want someone like you? You'll never be on her dreams, just accept it before you get hurt even more.
"Right… uh, I think it's ready, if you want, you can pour the sugar now." I say trying not to show disappointment.
"Right. Sugar. I'll do it." She rushes to get the sugar and slowly pours it into the bowl while I mix them with the beater. Once it's done, she also pours the vanilla and asks me to turn off the beater. I obey and she introduces her finger to the mixture just to take it into her mouth and lick it… seductively, while moaning in such an erotic way that I have to bite my lip in order to keep myself from doing the same. I feel my face burning again and my hands twitching, begging to hold that girl in my arms and never let go, submitting into an endless path of pleasure.
Hold on! Are you seriously thinking about that? Just because she moaned clearly pleased with the taste of the dough? I knew you were a crazy for her, but not to this extent.
"Oh my God! Elsa, this is delicious." She exclaims while taking another bit of the substance with her finger and repeating the sexy action, this time closing her eyes and making it all more sensual, if that was even possible. "You should seriously try it."
"Oh… okay." I answer, trying to distract myself from the inappropriate thoughts, then taking a portion of the mixture and placing it into my mouth, closing my eyes. To my surprise, it's really so good that I can't help but moan at the amazing taste. "You're right." I say opening my eyes and smiling. "This is wonderful."
"And it's not even finished." She says as she smiles back, an adorable red color showing on her cheeks, probably because it's hot here. "C-come on, let's continue."
I turn on the beater as she starts pouring the flour inside the bowl, the ingredients soon forming a brown dough. Once it's done, she adds the ginger, nutmeg and cinnamon… lots of cinnamon.
"Anna! What are you doing? The recipe says only two and a half spoons!" I exclaim turning off the beater to prevent the cinnamon from mixing with the rest of the ingredients. "You almost poured the whole tin!"
"But I didn't!" She says smiling playfully. This makes me slightly irritated.
"We have to follow the recipe if we want…"
"Oh, come on! Don't be such a killjoy." She cuts me off rolling my eyes. "The recipes are just to guide us, we don't have to follow them word by word."
Are you kidding me? The recipes are to be followed letter by letter, if not, the results could be disastrous.
"But…"
"Relax. The world is not going to end just because I didn't follow a simple instruction." She chuckles. Her words almost give me a heart attack. Of course the world isn't going to end because she put more cinnamon than necessary, but if there had been some other kind of instruction, one that was really important… I don't even want to think about it. Her attitude is dangerous, for herself and for the others.
"Instructions are important." I say sternly, trying to put some reason into that pretty little brain of hers. "Mostly when they come from someone who knows better than you."
Like your father? Whose instructions you didn't follow? Remember what happened on that occasion? You got y…
Shut up! Not now. Not ever. I don't want to remember that.
"No one knows better than the great Anna Summers… not about cookies anyway." She smirks, but her little joke doesn't amuse me in the slightest. "Oh, c'mon!" She exclaims. "Drop that worried face, it's just a little bit of cinnamon!"
"Why?" I ask and she tilts her head questioningly. "Why did you do it if the recipe said otherwise? Just to prove you could?"
"Of course not." She rolls her eyes. "I did it because I like cinnamon."
"B-but they are supposed to be ginger cookies, not cinnamon cookies!"
"So? Cinnamon tastes better." She answers matter-of-factly.
"I actually prefer gingers…" I say and my eyes widen as I realize which words just escaped from my mouth. "I mean ginger!" I quickly correct myself, blushing badly and completely forgetting about anything else, even our little fight about spices.
"Fine." She sighs. "I'll pour a little more of ginger if you want."
"N-no, they will be too spicy." I say, hastily taking the spices away from her before she manages to ruin the cookies even more. "They'd just have to be cinnamon-ginger cookies." I say smiling, telling myself that not following a simple recipe is not that of a big deal, and that Anna probably didn't mean any harm when she did it.
"Fine, let's get this over with then." She says contently.
We made the cookies with two molds; one of a female and the other of a male but the dough was too sticky and the cookies sometimes broke when we lifted them to put them on the baking sheet. At first I was worried that they would come out deformed, but then Anna's contagious laughter made me smile and soon we were having lots of fun. At the end, the cookies were safely placed inside the heated oven (which was turn on by a servant, of course) and we just had to wait for them to be ready, so we went sitting on a couch at her living room.
"Sooo…" Anna says turning to look at me. "What should we do while the cookies are in the oven?"
Could we make out?
"I-I don't know." I answer looking away. "What do you want to do?"
"Well, I was thinking… maybe we could listen to some music?"
Anything you want.
"Sounds good." I give her a tiny smile and she gets up to turn on the stereo while turning off the lights at the same time so it's completely dark except for the fake fireplace and the Christmas-tree lights. If I didn't know better, I'd think she's making a romantic atmosphere on purpose.
Ha! Just listen to yourself. Why would she make a romantic atmosphere for you? Stupid piece of trash.
I'm getting tired of that voice on my head, but as much as I try to get rid of it, it always returns with full force. I have to concentrate. I can't seem unhappy in Anna's presence; she'd think it's her fault, when I'm the one to blame.
Just as I'm able to conceal my feelings properly, Anna turns to me, and starts walking very sexily in my direction, smiling seductively with her eyes half-lidded. I gulp at the sight. I've never seen her looking so intimidating and enrapturing at the same time, and the way she's biting her lip! I just want to jump over her! I mean, could that flushed face look more adorable?!
"Doyouwannadance?" She says.
"Uh… What?" I ask not understanding a single word because of how distracted I was with her attractiveness.
"I said…" She takes a deep breath. "Do you want to dance? With me?" She bites her lip nervously, waiting for my answer.
Are you asking me ifI want to dance with you? Really? This must be the best day of my life! Please tell me I'm not dreaming.
Wait a minute! Aren't you forgetting a little detail? You haven't danced in years, you'd make a fool of yourself.
I really don't want to decline her offer, but the voice in my head is right… as always. However, I don't show how disappointed I really am and answer politely, still smiling:
"I-I… I don't dance."
"But…" She protests.
"Please, don't insist." I say, and she pouts so cutely that it's difficult for me to say no, so instead I just partially give in. "Maybe next time?"
"Fine." She sighs, looking almost disappointed for a moment, but then a mischievous smile appears on my face, which makes goosebumps appear on my skin in anticipation. "Then you can just sit and enjoy the show." She winks at me, a little action that gets me completely stunned, almost unable to breathe, but she turns around, as if nothing happened, starts the song and begins to dance… clumsily.
Since the first moment it's evident that she's never danced before, much less to someone; she isn't quite aware of her moves, or the position of every limb of her body, and her dance doesn't quite fit the song… which as far as I know, isn't a song made for dancing, but a pop song meant to be listened and sang, but nothing more.
Despite all this… or maybe even because of this, I find her attempt endearing. She really looks very cute trying to look sexy moving her body the way she is, and not to mention that the not-quite-mature clothes she's wearing make her look more like a child trying to imitate a professional dancer. And I love it. I even blush and a smile appears on my lips.
When the song reaches the chorus, however, something happens. Anna starts singing along, softly at first but becoming louder each second, and at the same time her movements become more confident, fluid, natural, as if she had suddenly found an innate talent deeply buried inside her. In that moment, her movements stop being an adorable attempt to look sexy to become a coordinated "human mating call" that could draw instantly to her even the coldest of hearts. Of course it works with me. Now I'm really turned on and my whole body is literally on fire, I've never felt this kind of heat. It's like a spell. It's torture and heaven. It's magic.
I want to freeze this moment and stay on it forever.
"Shake it off, shake it off." She sings the last part of the second chorus, her voice now even louder than the artist. The music suddenly changes and her movements stop abruptly. I'm confused for a moment, but then she starts walking seductively towards me with one hand on my hips. "Hey, hey, hey! just think while you've been getting down and out about the liars and dirty, dirty cheats in the world you could have been getting down to this sick beat." As she sings the last part, she leans so she's now eye level with me. The closeness leaves me ever more stunned than I already was, if that's actually possible. However, that's nothing compared to what happens next. She sits on my lap, her right arm around my shoulders as she continues singing. It's like someone had sent a bolt of electricity through my whole body. The contact is too intimate, so much that my cheeks seem to be literally boiling with blood. For a moment I'm pretty sure I'm about to spontaneously combust or, at least, faint. It's right then when she leans towards me caressing my face with her left hand in a seductive way, and a new wave of heat surges on my core.
F***! Is she doing this on purpose? How is she capable of having this effect on me?
"And to the fella over there with the hella good hair, won't you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake." She continues, half-lidding her eyes and biting her lip while getting even closer, until I feel her breath on my mouth. It would be too easy to just lean in an inch and close the distance between our lips. I desperately want to do it. I need to do it.
Just as I'm about to give in to my impulsive desires, the rhythm becomes faster all of a sudden and Anna gets up from me, taking my hand, and pulling me along. I'm so stunned that I don't even try to resist. At first I don't know what to do, not quite having processed what just happened, but I soon understand the situation and try to catch the beat, taking Anna's waist with my left hand (yeah, I don't have any idea of how did I get the confidence to do that; my body just acted on its own accord) and her hand with the other, as my brother used to do with me.
Surprisingly, my body remembers what to do and soon I'm dancing pretty well, even while holding this striking beauty in my arms. It's like I've been doing it my whole life, and soon I even start enjoying it. And how could I have not liked it, if Anna keeps staring at me with that dreaming expression and flushed cheeks?
Our gazes meet and I don't look away, as I'd normally do due to my shy nature. I like the feeling of losing myself in those turquoise pools full of happiness, kindness and, maybe I even dare to say, love. Yes, maybe it isn't the romantic love that I'd like to see, but it's there no doubt, and a little doubt surges within my heart. What if I do have a chance? What if she could actually like me the way I like her? What if I can be happy for once after all?
I can sense my inner demon trying to fight against the little hope that was just born inside me, but I don't let it. For now, there's just Anna and me.
The song soon comes to an end, but none of us care as we continue dancing. I stop hearing the songs, I stop seeing the world, I stop sensing anything; all that matters is Anna's laughter, Anna's face, Anna's body so wonderfully close to mine, Anna's delicious perfume… Anna, just Anna. I don't care of anything else right now, and, for some blissful moments I allow myself to think that maybe she feels the same.
After approximately fifteen minutes of dancing, I hit the couch with back of my knees and we collapse laughing. I can't even remember the last time I've been this happy… actually I don't think I have ever been this happy before, not even as a kid, because the feeling of being so close to my loved one, not only physically, but also emotionally, is overwhelming. I can feel free, careless, and connected with the world around me, specifically with the laughing girl on top of me.
The moment of bliss, however, doesn't last too long. Suddenly, I feel a wet tongue touching my neck's skin. We both freeze, our laughter dying instantly. Every coherent thought is instantly erased from my mind. I even lost the ability of so much as breathe. The world seems to stop as I wait for something to happen.
When her reaction comes, it's not exactly the one I was expecting.
"Ewwww!" She exclaims as she pulls away while wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Ugh, you are salty!"
She's disgusted ofyou. She didn't want to lick you, it was all a mistake and she's grossed out by it. She may have said that you're beautiful, that she likes you and that you're her friend, but those are just words. In reality she thinks of you as a revolting monster which she'd never wished to even touch!
N-no. No, i-it can't be. I-it was just the sweat that disgusted her… right?
"S-sorry." I say, my voice coming out weaker than I intended, clearly showing my hurtful thoughts. "I'm sweating." I look to the side ashamed. I just wanted to have a good time, and I was enjoying this so much… I didn't pay attention to the position of her mouth. I could've prevented all of this; prevented her to taste my unworthy and salty skin.
"Look, I-I didn't… I mean…" She starts stammering. "It's not like I didn't like to lick you…" I look up, wide eyed. Did I hear her well? "Wait, let me rephrase that." She continues, blushing. "What I mean is that I don't blame you for being sweaty, after all we both are!" She giggles and gives me a reassuring smile that I deeply appreciate. At least I know our blossoming friendship wasn't ruined because of this little incident, even though I'm disappointed that she didn't mean what she said moments ago. "If it was someone's fault it was mine for licking you… but it was an accident, really! A-and I over reacted, I mean, the taste was unexpected and it caught me out of ward, but it was not that bad, I mean, all sweat tastes the same… n-not that I've been tasting people's sweat because that would be weird and disgusting; I just assume they taste the same and… I'm rambling again. "She sighs. "Sorry."
"It's alright." I smile. Her rambling always makes me smile. "I like it when you ramble. I think it's adorable." my mouth speaks without my permission and I blush deeply, instantly regretting what I said. I'm about to give her an apology, or at least explain myself when she leans in and softly kisses my cheek, remaining there for a little longer than what I would've considered normal. However, I don't get my hopes up; maybe it just seemed to last longer for me because I'm not used to this kind of contact.
"Thank you." She says softly as she pulls back.
Her eyes are loving, and her cheeks are flushed, and that smile of hers is just so… I don't even have words to describe it. My mouth opens, probably to say something that I'll regret again, but in that moment the alarm sounds and Anna exclaims:
"They're ready!" She gets off of me and goes to extract the cookies from the oven.
I slowly get up, trying to clear my head, and I realize that, I'm not just a little dizzy, but also incredibly hot. As if I had fever. I'd like to attribute it to the dancing, or the warm provided by the heated oven, but there's no point on denying the truth to myself; the cause was Anna, her closeness and that little mistake that made her lick my neck.
I walk towards the kitchen uncomfortably pulling the neck of my shirt, desperately wanting to take off the tie, but not actually doing it because my father always said that a shirt without tie wasn't a decent thing to wear.
"Shouldn't you take off your tie?" Anna suddenly asks.
I turn to look at her and quickly hide my hands behind my back, pretending that I'm not hot at all.
"What? Why do you say that?" I ask. She rolls her eyes.
"Fine, I'll do it if you don't want to." She says and, before I can stop her, she walks towards me and takes my tie, even though I did try to prevent her from doing it. She starts loosening the knot and taking the black garment away from my neck, making me even more flushed and nervous than I already was. Then, it all gets worst; she starts unbuttoning my shirt! I feel like she's undressing me, and this time I can even feel my heart thumping on my chest as if it wanted to get out, and the blood pounding on my fingers, head and ears. Butterflies appear on my stomach and goosebumps on my skin. I start sweating even more profusely and my legs feel so weak that for a terrible moment I'm sure they're gonna give in and I'll crumble to the floor.
"There you are." She says finally stepping back and handing the tie to me.
"Thanks." I manage to squeak looking to the ground and trying to cool down so I don't faint.
You're pathetic. How can she affect you so much? You're supposed to repress your feelings, to be an Ice Queen, not a blushing mess. You're weak.
Love isn't weakness.
It is, and you know it.
No, it's n…
"Come on, leave your tie somewhere and follow me." She snaps me out of my personal discussion with myself. "It's time to make the glace."
I gratefully do as she says while she goes to get the beater, the recipe and the ingredients. Then, she returns to the table and says:
"The glace is very easy so I think only one of us would be enough to make it. The problem will be choosing the colors."
"If you want, I can make it." I answer. "I'll let you choose the colors."
"Yes!" She says jumping enthusiastically and very childishly, which makes me giggle behind my hand at her antics. She then goes to see the dyes and I also get hands to work.
First, I pour the water on the bowl and then, slowly, the sugar. I start the beater and, as I mix the ingredients with said machine, my thoughts drift off. I start remembering every moment I've spent with Anna, since the first day I saw her, and I can't help thinking how much things have changed. We went from being strangers to be… cordial strangers, then to Anna purposely bullying me and me trying to ignore her, and now finally to friends. I just hope that this stage will be longer than the previous ones, since I don't think I could resist going back to anything else, really. The only change I could bear would be if she became my girlfriend, but that's downright impossible, so…
In that moment Anna approaches to me and I stop my reflections to ask:
"Did you choose the colors?"
"Yes. We'll do all of them." She answers beaming.
"All of them?!" I exclaim surprised. What? Are we going to make a painting with the glace?
"We have more than enough glace." She shrugs.
"Uhm… b-but that would be a little too messy." I object, not really wanting to contradict the redhead, but not wanting her to get in trouble because of this.
"The servants can clean it latter." She answers rolling her eyes as if it was the most natural thing on the world… which probably is for her. "Believe me, they've cleaned worse things." She shivers and wonder what is she remembering.
I don't want to be the killjoy, even though I don't think it's fair to give the servants more work than they already have, so I say:
"Well… I-If you say it's fine, then let's do it."
"Good." She says running to get the mugs where we'd mix the glace with the dyes. She places two in front of me and keeps two for herself, then she gives me the blue and green dyes and she takes the red and yellow. Then she distributes the glace on our mugs as she speaks." Just a few drops; we don't want to paint our brains, do we?
"Paint our brains?" I ask amused. I've never heard of that.
"Yeah, you know; some artificial colors paint the grey matter, or at least that's what they say. I don't know you, but I don't want to have a rainbow brain." She giggles, but her words are like a stab on my heart.
I try to calm down concentrating on dyeing the glace, telling myself that she's probably just taking about real colors painting our brains, not about our brains becoming gay, but another part of me says that she meant it both ways, as an innocent joke that, nonetheless expresses her aversion for homosexuals... Which, if true, would kill any chance I could have to be Anna's lover.
Any chance to be Anna's lover? You never had a chance. She's not like you. She's not an abomination. She doesn't like monsters. You aren't worthy. Return when you're a handsome man with a charming personality and a warm heart, and then she might look at you.
Stop. Please. Stop.
I want to cover my ears, but I resist the impulse, not only because I know it would be useless, but also because I don't want to look crazy in front of her.
You are already crazy. No matter what you do, you aren't normal, and she knows it. She'sjust with youbecause she pities you, and because Christmas is a time to be nice and help people, but once you return to school she won't even remember you exist except when she wants someone to humiliate.
Please, please. No more. I don't want to hear you.
It hurts, doesn't it? That's because deep inside you know it is the tru…
Suddenly, I feel something wet touching my cheek and quickly turn around just to see a certain redhead giggling uncontrollably. It takes me a few seconds to realize what happened, but once I do, I smirk, ready to play this game. I take blue glace and run after her. When she arrives to the kitchen door I'm able to catch her and return the favor by smearing the glace on the tip of her little nose. She blinks cutely stunned and trying to see the sugary substance by squinting, and I can't help but laugh at her comic gesture, almost bending over. Suddenly, however, she wipes the glace from her nose with her fingers and smears it all over my face before I can react, covering a good part of my cheeks and nose with it. With that, she escapes, this time running towards the table, but I quickly recover and chase after her to catch the laughing girl by her waist, so now I'm hugging her from behind. The feeling of her perfect body against mine is, again, downright amazing, but I force myself to concentrate on my current task: taking revenge. I take a good quantity of green glace between my fingers and daube her face with it. I can feel her frowning and struggling, but her body language doesn't really says that she's upset for my actions, so I keep laughing and doing it, feeling really happy and carefree for the second time of the afternoon. Suddenly, she takes blue glace with her hand and reaches back to my face, which successfully makes me pull away to avoid being covering by it. Once she's free, she runs around the table laughing and wipes her face, licking her fingers clean afterwards in a very child-like way, getting her mouth covered by the substance. I want to go after her, I really do, but I can't help laughing at how ridiculous (in the best way) she looks with a glace-made blue labial and the large spot she has on her forehead making her look very comical, even more with that cute 'I won' face.
"Do you surrender?" She asks crossing her arms over her chest.
"Y-y… ye…hahahah." I try to say I do, but the laugher doesn't lets me. This is definitely the most I've laughed in all my life and, even if my stomach and lungs hurt, it feels really good. I try to stop, though, because I don't want to die from laughter, but each time I see Anna's face, it returns with full force.
At some point, Anna walks to me and takes my face with her hands, wiping the glace off it, a simple action that makes me blush and my laughter die, even if I still keep smiling. I take my hand off my mouth and return the favor, wiping the glace off that beautiful face of hers, taking advantage of it and caressing carefully the cute freckles from her cheeks and softly grazing at those delicious-looking lips I've been wanting to kiss for so long.
We are so close. I could do it. I could finally kiss her.
And ruin the only thing that's good in your pathetic life? You're screwed.
I internally sigh and take my hands off of her face, not wanting to do something I'll regret, but just as I do, the most unbelievable and most wonderful things happens. I feel soft lips pressed on mine… and a tongue caressing the corner of my mouth.
Then, they're gone.
It all happens so quickly that, if I didn't have a wet spot where Anna's mouth touched mine, I'd think I imagined it all.
Oh my god! Anna kissed me! Anna freaking kissed me!
Wait, she didn't. Pay attention. Her lips weren't fully on yours; they were just touching the corner of your mouth. And that tongue you felt? You had glace in that zone. She just wiped it out, probably wanting to taste it; you know how much she loves sweets. It was an innocent action, completely natural between friends, not the romantic first kiss you're thinking.
I don't care what you think. I will consider it my first kiss.
You're an idiot, you…
I don't pay any mind to the voices fighting on my head as I stare at the girl in front of me, who's adorably biting her lip and blushing. I can't quite process what happened. I don't have any idea of what it was or what her intentions were, but I know it felt wonderful, and I can't even move a muscle because my brain doesn't seem to be working quite well.
Suddenly, a female voice pulls me out of a trance.
"Anna dear, who is she?" Says a brown-haired woman, around fifty years old, very similar to Anna except that her eyes are deep blue, instead of teal. I suppose she's her mother.
"Mom! What are you doing here?" Anna exclaims turning around, confirming my supposition.
"Well, I live here." She says amused.
"I mean, what are you doing here so early?" She corrects her question.
Early? She seems to be upset by her mother's presence. If I had a mother I'd be glad to see her coming home.
"What are you talking about? It's already eight." Her mom giggles, and Anna turns to see the clock, then blushing realizing that she's right. So she wasn't really upset because of her mother's arrival, but surprised because she thought it was earlier. Well, that makes more sense. They seem cordial with each other, so I suppose they have a good relationship.
In that moment a tall man wearing a suit, with strawberry-blonde hair, a shade lighter than Anna's, and green eyes walks through the door smiling.
"Do I smell cookies?" He asks, however he then looks at me and frowns. "Who are you? What are you doing in my house?"
His voice is so strong, so powerful and intimidating, that I flinch. And his stare is so severe, his posture so stiff… that I'm reminded of my father, which makes me tremble and want to run hiding.
"This is Elsa, a friend of mine." Anna says with a cheery voice (very odd given the situation, if you ask me) as she turns to see me, taking my hand and giving me a reassuring squeeze, probably noticing my fearful state. I just manage to look up at her eyes for a second before returning my gaze to the floor. "It's alright, Elsa. My father may seem a bit rude, but it's not about you; he's a little overprotective." She gently tries to put me at ease and, even though I appreciate her efforts, I don't think I'll be able to calm down as long as he is here.
"No, I'm not." I hear her father's voice.
"Yes, honey, you are." Her mother says playfully and laughs together with Anna.
"Well, Elsa, I think I haven't introduced my parents to you." Anna says. "This is Miriam, my mother." I look up to see her pointing to the woman. I may be a coward, but I know how to ignore my fears when the approval of someone important (like my crush's mother) is at stake, so I take a step forward and grab her hand briefly, but without being impolite.
"I-It's nice to meet you Mrs. Summers." I say still looking down.
"Nice to meet you too, but please just call me Miriam." She answers smiling. "It was about time we got to meet one of Anna's friends." I nod in understanding and step back. I do wonder though, hasn't Anna ever brought anyone here before? Not even Hans or Meg?
"Elsa, this is my father, Karl." Anna says.
"But you shall call me Dr. Summers." He says with his frightening voice while stepping forward and taking my hand hastily, not letting it go even when I ty to pull away. "And just so you know, I work with dangerous viruses that I could use to kill you if you harm my baby in any way. Understood?" I nod vehemently, swallowing hard.
Please don't kill me. I swear I'd never hurt her! I love her!... Wait, maybe that's also a bad thing.
"Come on, don't be rude with her." Anna defends me. "She's completely harmless."
"She seems so." Her mother agrees. "Actually she looks so sweet that I'd be more concerned about Anna hurting her." She starts giggling and I look up to see Anna's father smiling as he releases my hand to start laughing just a second later.
I'm left stunned for a moment before turning to see Anna, who is currently biting her lip and has her head low in shame, or is it remorse? Does she regrets what she did to me? But it wasn't her fault! It was her friends', since they made her do it.
I touch her shoulder to reassure her and she turns to see me. She smiles gratefully and we keep staring into each other's eyes for a while in silence, however, this silence isn't awkward, but comfortable, as if we were saying with our eyes that we understand each other, that we both care for one another. It just feels so right, not in a lustful way like out previous interactions, but rather in a peaceful, sweet, platonic loving kind of way… and it's equally great.
The sound of her mother clearing her throat makes us both come back to reality.
"Well, we have some things to do." She says. "See you later girls."
She and her father start walking away, but when he passes by my side he touches my shoulder, making me flinch as goosebumps (and not precisely the pleasant ones) appear through my whole body. I just want to disappear.
Keep it cool. Conceal, don't feel.
The voice in my head's words succeed to calm me down this time, and I'm able to cover my reaction.
"It was nice to meet you Elsa. Sorry if I scared you, but it was necessary; I just don't want anything happening to Anna." He says.
"I-I understand. Don't worry." I try to say it normally but it comes out as a whisper. It's like even my voice is scared to face this man who reminds me so much of my own father… though I have to admit Anna's is a lot nicer.
"Aright. We'll come back for dinner." He lets go of my shoulder and takes one step before turning to see Anna. "Oh, and Anna? Please don't make a mess."
"Dad!" She exclaims blushing and pouting adorably, which actually almost gets a smile out of me. He just giggles and walks away with Anna's mother. We both watch them until they disappear upstairs. "Well, now that the glace is ready and you know my parents, let's decorate the cookies!" Anna exclaims excitedly. And finally, I feel the playful atmosphere returning.
We spent the next hour or so putting glace on the cookies. We made ourselves (even if I put more effort on Anna, which came out to be the cutest cookie ever), characters from books and movies, standard ginger cookies, people we know, like Hans with his ugly sideburns… and I may say I really got worried when I saw him, but then Anna started ripping his limbs apart and putting red glace on the "wounds" to simulate blood, and I couldn't help but laugh. She also made Snow and the rest of the girls except Meg (who I know to be her best friend), to which she painted mustaches… with a little bit of help, I may add. I regret nothing though. She also made a cookie of Meg, while I made one of mine and Anna's snowman, and then we made some other snowmen until at least half of the cookies were decorated as snow creatures. It was all very enjoyable, and at the end we almost didn't want to eat any of those cookies, but that's what they're made for after all, so we went to sit on a couch with a mug of hot chocolate and started eating the ginger cookies.
Her parents joined us when Anna called them, and, even if I felt a little uneasy at first, her father stopped being rude with me I was able to relax… just a little, trough. And now Anna's mother keeps asking me questions, and I have to answer politely, but honestly this whole thing is really awkward for me. And Anna isn't helping.
"How long do you say you've been friends with Anna?" She asks.
"J-just recently. Before we teamed up to make that pirates' schoolwork we didn't really talk to each other."
Except when Anna bullied me, but if I tell them that, she's gonna be in trouble.
"I see. But you seem very close to only have known each other for a week."
"I-I…" I swallow, trying to think on a good answer. I turn to look at Anna, silently asking for help, but she's too concentrated stuffing cookies on her face. "I-it was friendship at first sight."
Really? Couldn't you think of something less stupid and that doesn't reveal your unnatural feelings for their daughter?
"I see." Her father says narrowing his eyes, which makes me sink on the couch. "Say, Elsa, you seem like an honest person, so I trust you to tell me the truth. Does my daughter have a boyfriend? Because if she does…" He starts rising his voice but Anna's mother places a hand on his arm, notoriously calming him down. I guess he's the jealous father type. I bet he'd want to kill me if I were Anna's girlfriend.
"Anna is fifteen now, and she does has the right to have boyfriend." His wife says, but then turns to me, expecting me to answer nonetheless.
"Oh… Uhm…" I trail off. Does Hans count as boyfriend? No, he's just the jerk who wants to get in Anna's pants… but it may not be a good idea to tell them that without Anna's permission. "No, she doesn't." Her father sighs in relief.
"And you, dear?" Her mother asks. "Do you have a boyfriend?" I blink, processing her question.
"Me? No!" I exclaim. "No, absolutely not I am le…" I shut my mouth in time, before revealing my sexual orientation just because I let my guard down for a moment and felt almost… offended that she thought I could have a boyfriend. I mean, I got nothing against men, but the mere thought of being with one in a romantic ways is… ugh. I clear my throat awkwardly. "I-I mean… I am… less than what most guys want, you know? I-In beauty and… all." I say lowering my face. It's true, even if it's not the reason why I don't have a boyfriend. I'm just not good enough for love. And it hurts.
"That's not true." She says firmly, and I look up to see that even her husband has a sympathetic expression directed to me. "You're beautiful Elsa, and nice. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." I nod, but my arms come automatically around my waist in a pathetic attempt to give myself comfort.
"Thank you, but… I-I know what I am. And I know… that I'm not pretty enough." I feel sadness wanting to take over my body, and I'm only barely able to stop a knot from forming on my throat.
"That's not true!" She says. "You're very beautiful, right honey?" She asks her husband and he just nods. She smiles and turns to see the cookie-devouring machine that is her daughter right now. "What do you think Anna?"
"Uhm… what?" She asks looking up.
"I said, don't you think Elsa is too beautiful for not having a boyfriend?" She repeats.
"Are you kidding me? She's gorgeous!" Anna exclaims making her mother giggle, and the smile returns to my face. She can be very kind sometimes, enough to make me forget my insecurities and fears.
"Thanks, but you're more beautiful." I mutter shyly, blushing.
"Nonsense!" She answers vehemently, so much that I almost believe her. Almost. "However, I don't think she needs a boyfriend when she already has me, right Elsa?" She places a kiss on me cheek and I blush even more. I'm pretty sure there was a secret meaning on what she just said, but my love-filled brain can't quite decipher it.
"O-of course." I stutter and we both smile.
"Darling, didn't you have to do something in your studio?" Her mother suddenly asks, startling me a little; for a moment I forgot they were there. He frowns, thinking.
"No. Not that I remember."
"Yes you have, and I was going to help you. Come on." She stands up, pulling him with her and starts walking away, suddenly turning her head and winking at Anna.
That seemed like she knows something about us not even we are aware of. I wonder why she did it.
That doesn't matter. Don't you have something to ask her?
No, I don't think so.
It's already pretty late, and Kai is supposed to come for you.
Oh! Holy…!
"M-Mrs. Summ... I-I mean Miriam." I call for her, just before she reaches the stairs, making her stop and turn. "D-do you mind if I use you phone? I promised Kai I'd call him when I was ready to go, and it's pretty late now. I'm sure he and Gerda are quite worried about me." I use their names, even if they don't know who they are, because I don't have time to explain it. Hopefully, they'll just assume they're my parents.
"Well of course, sweetheart." Anna's mother answers. "Feel free to use it anytime in your future visits." She then follows her husband upstairs.
My future visits? Why does she think Anna will invite me again? I hope she does though.
"So it's time for you to go?" The girl of my dreams asks sadly.
"Yes. Sorry, I don't want to, but it's late." I answer with an apologetic smile. "Don't worry though; it'll still take another half an hour before Kai arrives."
"Okay." She sighs. "Go ahead."
I stand up and walk to the phone. Then I call Kai and tell him that I'm ready to go, to which he answers saying that he'll be on his way. When I go back to Anna I see her holding a small box wrapped in blue paper on her hands, something totally unexpected since she's already given me a present. I sit at her side and stare at her quizzically.
"I have a present for you." She says while handing me said gift.
"But you already gave me one." I protest, not taking it.
"Yes, but that was a birthday present, this is a Christmas present." She answers stubbornly. "Besides, it's part of the plan I made so we can be friends even during school time."
"Anna." I sigh. "We've already talked about this. It's impossible." I say, even if it pains me to admit the truth.
"It's not." She retorts clearly upset. "And I didn't break my scull trying to think on a solution just for you to toss it aside as garbage when you haven't even heard it." She pouts and crosses her arms over her chest, so cutely and scarily at the same time that I can't bring myself to protest further.
"Fine." I sigh taking the present. "What's your plan?"
"I can't tell you, silly." She answers with a teasing smile. "You're supposed to open you gift until Christmas, and telling you now would ruin the surprise."
"Then how am I supposed to know?"
"I wrote a letter explaining it all. It's inside the box."
"Alright." I answer with a tiny smile, but I suddenly remember something: I didn't bring her a present. It's not that I hadn't thought of it, of course, but I don't have the money to buy anything… besides I never thought she'd give me something.
My sadness must've showed in my face because she asks concerned:
"What is it?"
"I-It's just..." I sigh. "I didn't bring you a present."
"Don't worry." She answers. "As you can see, you couldn't have given me something I didn't have already, after all my parents buy me anything I ask."
Yeah… and my father doesn't even give the money I need to eat or have a place to live, much less to buy something that could've impressed you.
"Hey." She says softly touching my shoulder, trying to reassure me. "It doesn't matter because you've already given me the best present of all." I stare at her confused. What is she talking about? I didn't bring her anything. "Your company." My eyes widen at her words, and how sweetly she says them, looking at me as if I meant the world for her. My heart stops, only to resume it's beating a moment latter, filled with a warmth I've never felt before.
"Thanks Anna. I enjoyed this day spent with you as well." I say.
She smiles and, wrapping her arms around my waist, places her head on my chest leaning into me completely. I smile lovingly at her and put an arm around her shoulders, enjoying how good it feels to have her soft body this close to mine. Even as I breathe it feels different, pleasurable, but not quite in a sexual way. If our previous intimate moments were like searing lava running through my body, this is just like sitting next to a fire on a winter day. It's so nice I don't want it to end.
"Do you mind if we stay like this until you go?" She asks, her breath passing through my shirt and reaching my skin, sending pleasurable chills through my spine.
"No. Go ahead." I answer.
"Thanks." She responds closing her eyes in a way her face seems quite peaceful.
Not even five minutes later she falls asleep as I watch her completely amazed. The feeling of having her sleeping on me is just… it's like she trusted me a lot, and I feel quite honored. I can't help it when I lean in and tenderly kiss her temple, lingering there for quite some time, inhaling her strawberry delicious scent.
I don't want this to end.