A/N: Sorry this chapter is taking me SO LONG. I've been super busy and when I get home I have basically nothing in my head to write so I just read instead. Casework is always difficult to write, so it's back to your regularly scheduled meaningless fluff 'n stuff soon.

"Good news, we've got a hit on the DNA," Jo greeted without specifics.

Lindsay looked up from the computer, her forehead wrinkled in confusion. She'd fallen behind on every case lately, with Ben's surgery and recovery and then the normal day to day things, her mind wasn't even anywhere close to being on work at all. It had taken her over an hour to make it partially through case reviews and that usually only took twenty minutes. She was going to need specifics if this conversation was going to go anywhere.

"What?"

"Alan Deerhurst. 18 years old, found him in the park strangled with a belt."

"Okay, gotcha."

"Got some epithelials on the belt. No match in any database but it does give us a slight profile. Male, brown eyes, dark hair. More work to be done, but there's at least something."

"Three weeks and that's all we have?"

"We've been backlogged, but at least it's something."

"Anything back on the female blood at the scene?"

"Nothing so far, it's next up in the queue. Danny's been analyzing the casts we took at the scene of the foot prints and it looks like the vic walked up and surprised two people in a compromising situation."

"You know, we used to be able to do this a lot faster. I mean, machines were slower ten years ago, but we have so many more cases coming in every day, we've all get our hands in at least three at a time, if not more. I can't concentrate on one, I feel like I'm missing pieces of every case, like that one crucial clue is going to slip through the cracks."

"We need more bodies," Jo agreed, nodding slowly. "More bodies and more money. There's no shortage of people wanting a job, but there is no where to pay them from. Unfortunately that slows the wheels of justice, making people vote no on raising taxes to funnel into the system, and the cycle repeats itself."

"As always," Lindsay muttered, taking the file and looking it over. "Why would a man kill someone just because he stumbled upon two people procreating?"

"Embarrassment?

"Doesn't track. It had to have been something worse than just that. What else could he have interrupted?"

"Linds, I just got a bad feeling about this one."

"Me too. I think we need to check reported rapes."

"And hospital admissions."

"We're never going to get anything from the hospitals without warrants though, are we?"

"Probably not. Let's see what's been reported."

Lindsay opened a program on the computer to pull up recent police reports while Jo used another program to weed through 911 calls from the night of the murder.

"You know, we're doing all this on a hunch. We have no evidence that this happened."

"Maybe so Linds, but we don't have much evidence to go on at the moment. Might as well try every available avenue."

"I suppose. Do you know how many reported rapes there were in the last three weeks? It's disgusting. And there were probably four times as many that went unreported."

Jo nodded sadly, unable to say much because nothing really made it any better. They worked on in silence for quite a while searching through the seemingly endless results from the databases, looking for something, anything that might connect to their case.

"Alright, on the first go through I've got a few call reports here that might be something. The first one is a ten second call, sounds like someone running and then hanging up. The second is someone that reports an attempted rape and assault then hangs up, and the third is just someone crying before the phone starts cutting in and out then shuts off."

"I guess let's give them a listen."

It was several hours of playing and replaying a dozen 911 calls and matching them up with police reports to see who they could interview. It was a delicate process, they couldn't just barge into someone's house and start asking them questions about what was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to them. They had to be sure, they had to be gentle, and despite all that, they had to be fast.

Around noon Jo stood up from her chair, stretched as far as she could and said that she needed to go call Ellie and gently remind her once again to always carry her keys between her fingers. Lindsay nodded in understanding and hunkered down with the last call on their list, playing it through three times before filtering out the top layer of sound and listening to the background noise. She tracked the number back to a payphone right outside of Central Park, then ran into a roadblock waiting for the security cameras from that area to download their videos from the time and date she was looking for.

"Hey babe," Adam greeted, poking his head into the room. "Concentration face."

"Yeah. Waiting. Did you just get here?"

"A few minutes ago."

"Did Freddie show up on time to watch the kids?"

"Yeah. Ben was really excited about it and kept running around the house saying "I fink we should see Uncle Freddie every live long day!" and Avery was chasing him, trying to get the apple he had in his hand and when she tripped over the rug she thought it was his fault, called him Binyin, and then he yelled at her for calling him the name that only Junior is allowed to call him. They were both bawling when Freddie got there so I just apologized for the mess and left."

"Sounds like an average day."

"Basically. I think the two of them might do well with some time apart though. They get on each other's nerves."

"Only because they're so alike."

"What, strange?"

"Yes. I found Avery taking a nap in the tub the other day. When I woke her up she said "I a mermaid mama!" and kicked her legs like a tail. I don't know where she comes up with things."

Adam chuckled and crossed the room, leaning down to kiss his wife.

"Hey you two, none of that in the lab," Mac commented as he walked by. They pulled apart, embarrassed, but then saw the glint in his eye. He wasn't one to tease people normally, but everyone had caught him and Jo being affectionate in the lab too and no one had let it slip by unnoticed.

"So anyway, the house should be in a catastrophic state when you return."

"I appreciate it, especially since it was in perfect condition when I left."

"Leave it a mess and I'll help you clean up when I get home."

"Believe me, I will."

"I've got about ten thousand bits of trace to process so I'll see you later."

"Hey, c'mere," she said, grabbing for his hand as he headed out the door. "You gonna kiss me goodbye or do I have to spend the rest of the day wondering why you don't love me anymore?"

"I'll be right down the hall."

"Adam Ross, you kiss me right now or don't bank on kissin' me again for quite some time."

"Yeah right, like you could resist me for longer than a day."

"You want to play that out, see how it goes?"

"I'll think about it. For now I'm going to hedge my bets and kiss you."

"Smart man."

He kissed her for a fraction of a second longer than he normally kissed her in public, then stepped away, his face triumphant while she shook her head.

"Go forth and solve crime," she said, waving her hand at him.

"Same to you babe."

He left the room and she rubbed at her eyes then went back to the computer, wishing the distraction of him had lasted a little longer. She wasn't really interested in the seamy underbelly of the world right now and would rather be at home with the kids, watching movies and drinking hot chocolate. Hearing panicked phone calls over and over again wasn't really the ideal way to spend a rainy morning.

She listened to the phone call once again, trying to make out the sentence that she couldn't understand, playing it over and over and filtering it different ways to try and separate the street noise from the voice. She finally figured out that the voice was partially echoing off the plexi-glass of the pay phone station and managed to filter it out better.

"Another man… he's hurt."

"Bingo."

"Bingo sounds like you've gotten somewhere," Jo said as she came back into the room.

Lindsay nodded and let her listen to the call again, all cleaned up.

"I think we need to find this caller. Any luck?'

"Still waiting for the surveillance video feeds to download. If they don't catch anything I think we're out of luck."

"Nothing in any of our reports indicated another man at the scene, injured or otherwise. Maybe she never filed a report. She just hangs up at the end of this call, right?"

"Yeah. I guess officers were sent to the phone but she wasn't there anymore. Lifting prints isn't going to be an option after three weeks."

"No it's not. And you know, once we find this victim we're still going to have to find the guy that did all this."

"I feel sick."

"Me too."

The computer trilled indicating that the surveillance footage had been downloaded. They both pulled their chairs closer to the screen and began to watch the feed that was closest to the payphone. It was grainy and dark and they tweaked the few frames almost to the point of ridiculousness before they managed to get a decent screen capture of the callers face.

She was young, probably in her early twenties, tall with dark hair. Her clothes looked rumpled and she was hugging her arms around herself as best she could.

"Once we scan her face through the database Jo, there's no going back. We're going to have to question this girl about what happened to her."

"I know."

"I don't know if I want to do that to her."

"I don't either but we have to."

Lindsay nodded and sent the photo through all facial recognition databases then sat back and watched the computer work.

"Is there anything else we can do right now? We're just going on a hunch."

"I know. I think this is all we've got."

"Okay. I'm going to go call home and check on the kids while this is doing its thing."

Jo just nodded and Lindsay slipped out of the room, feeling nothing but guilt that their investigation now hinged on something that would be so painful for this victim.

The apartment was frigid as the rain dropped outside, tinkling against the glass whenever the wind blew. Lindsay wanted to sit on her hands to keep them from shaking but she couldn't do that; it made her look closed off, and she knew that wasn't going to be helpful right now.

"Shea, can you tell us what happened that night?"

They young girl sat quietly, her dark eyes darting around the room, looking like she hadn't eaten a full meal in days. Everything about her seemed hollow, her eyes, her voice when she'd spoken the few words at the door, the air around her even seemed like it had nothing in it. She was totally wasted away, yet still alive and breathing, almost as if her soul had been taken from her.

Lindsay's stomach quaked at how familiar it all seemed, the breaths of nothingness, the deep pain that caused numbness, the desire to run away, the fear that the calm was just a dream, that waking up would mean having it all come back. Her breath hitched in her throat and she tried to shake the feelings away, to push it all back so she could do her job.

"I worked a long shift," she started finally. "Didn't get my run in before the sun went down. I… I decided to go anyway."

No one said anything as Shea took a breath, trying so valiantly to collect her thoughts and say what had happened without bursting into tears or becoming so upset that she couldn't speak. Lindsay reached over and touched the cold, tiny hand, knowing that a sliver of human contact could help more than reassuring words, or sitting in silence.

"He came out of nowhere, pulled me into the bushes. And then he… started to…"

"It's okay."

"I tried to fight him but he was bigger than me. He held his hand over my mouth."

"And then what happened, Shea?"

"I don't remember. There was a man's voice and then… then I don't remember."

"I know it's hard," Lindsay said softly. "But I want you to close your eyes and take a breath and think through that day from the beginning."

"Okay."

"Now I want you to tell me everything that happened after you got to the park."

"The man had me behind some bushes. I kept my eyes closed. I thought he might kill me. And then I heard someone yelling. I don't know what he said, but then the first man was letting go of me and I got up. He was fighting with the second man and I thought I needed to stay and help but I just ran. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have been there in the first place. This is all my fault."

"No," Lindsay said, a little too sharply. "This is not your fault. Nothing that happened that night is your fault."

"If I hadn't gone into the park nothing would have happened. That kid would still be alive."

"It is not your fault, Shea. You did nothing wrong. You fought to survive."

"I didn't go to the police."

"You called 911," Jo said softly. "Sometimes that's all you can make yourself do. Sometimes the horror of what happened is so great that survival is the only thing you can think about. There's nothing wrong with that. Feeling guilty is only letting this man win."

"Would you be willing to come down to the precinct and give a description to a sketch artist?" Austin asked from her spot by the door, where she'd been standing silently for the last few minutes.

"I can try. But I don't remember much. I don't want to remember."

"That's alright. We can work with what you do remember, okay?"

Shea nodded and reached a shaky hand up to wipe her eyes. Her mannerisms reminded Lindsay so much of herself that it gave her pause. She knew exactly the feelings of guilt and fear and confusion and it was getting to be a little too much. She just wanted to go home and be with the kids and forget this entire case.

"Hello, this is Ben Ross and I am answerin' the phone because my Uncle Freddie said it was okay! Who is this?"

"Ben Ross, this is your mama, calling from work again because I'm going to be late coming home."

"Oh hey mama! I have the hic-hiccups! I don't know how to get them to away!"

"You can have a spoonful of vinegar or a spoonful of sugar if you want."

"I will do that after hic-we are off the phone."

"You know, you used to have hiccups a lot when you were in my tummy."

"Back when I was a cookie? Did it gi-hic give you them hiccups too?"

"No, but it sure felt funny."

"When I was in your tummy mama did you and hic-me have our talks like now?"

"No, you couldn't talk back, silly!"

Ben giggled and hiccupped.

"Speaking of talking, can I talk to Uncle Freddie real quick?"

"Well maybe, but I think sissy gots other ideas."

"Okay, I'll talk to her first."

There was a shuffling and crashing noise, then a frustrated scream from Avery before she came on the phone.

"Hi mama!"

"Hi Avery. What are you doing?"

"Play kitchen. Freddie tickle."

"Uncle Freddie is ticklish under his chin."

"Oh yay! I do. Mama home?"

"I'm not going to be home for a little while. Daddy will probably make it home before I do."

"Oh. Dinner?"

"Freddie or daddy will feed you."

"Rock mama?"

"I will try to be home in time to rock you, baby."

"Okay mama. Coley here. Homework."

"Does he want to talk to me too?"

"Coley! Mama on phone!"

The phone dropped to the floor with a loud clatter and it was a moment before Colton picked it up, sighing heavily as if Avery had inconvenienced him by her actions.

"Hey mama."

"Hey buddy. How's the homework?"

"I'm tired of it. What are you doing?"

"Working like crazy. I'm going to be home late tonight."

"Oh. Okay. I was hopin' to talk to you about somethin' important."

"You can talk to me right now honey."

"Well, I was thinkin' about talkin' to you and daddy at the same time. I can wait."

"Okay, but if you change your mind, you call me. Got it?"

"I know. When will daddy be home?"

"Sometime after seven. Will you help Freddie get Ben and Avery in their pajamas so they're ready to be put to bed when daddy gets home?"

"Yeah, I will," Colton said with what she was sure was a serious nod. "Want me to help with anything else?"

"No honey. It's a school day, you don't have to do any chores."

"Okay mama. What time do I have to go to bed?"

"At your normal time," she said with a grin, knowing that he was trying to get an extra few minutes because she'd given him a responsibility. "I'll come and kiss you goodnight as soon as I get home."

"It's a plan."

"Will you tell Uncle Freddie that I'm not going to be home by five and that there is some dinner in the fridge he can make?"

"Yep, I can."

"Thanks sweetie. I gotta go, but I will talk to you as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay mama. Be safe out there. I love you."

"I love you too Colton."

They hung up the phone and she rubbed her eyes, then glanced into the other room where Shea was sitting with one of the officers, creating a sketch of her attacker. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she looked a lot thinner than she had been in the pictures they had seen in her apartment. Lindsay wanted to go in there and try to talk her though it, not what had happened but the last three weeks, after everything had changed. The time after a life changing event, the days where you weren't sure what to make of it could become much more damaging than the tragedy itself in some ways.

"Hey Linds. Coffee?" Jo asked, handing her the Styrofoam cup, made exactly how she liked it because the way people took their coffee was one of the first things Jo had learned upon arriving from DC, and it had ended up being one of her smartest first impression moves.

"Thanks."

"Are you okay? You've been quiet."

"I'm fine."

Jo perched on the side of the extra desk that had been shoved into the corner of the squad room and didn't say anything for a while.

"Can I ask you a question? You're free not to answer, but can I ask anyway?"

"Sure."

"What happened to you, Linds?"

Lindsay didn't know what to say, so she sipped her coffee and inspected her cup for several minutes, to the point of feeling like she was ignoring the question.

"I can tell you sometime, but not right now."

"Okay."

"Suffice it to say, the feelings you have after the fact are not lost on me. I know how she's feeling right now, to some degree at least."

"You wanna go home?"

"Jo, you know me better than that," she answered with a small grin. "No, I need to see this through."

"Alright. This coffee is terrible, who bought Yuban?"

"I don't know but I think I might swear off coffee for a while because of it."

"Lin, you couldn't swear off coffee if your life depended on it," Austin scoffed, sliding a report into the file Lindsay was holding.

"Here, you try this then," Lindsay said, handing the coffee up to her. Austin stubbornly took a long swig of it, then nearly spit it out.

"That's terrible. Gross."

"Then why do you keep drinking it?" Lindsay laughed, poking Austin's stomach.

"Because. Are they almost done with the sketch?"

"I think so. I'm going to go peek in and see."

Jo moved from the desk and slipped into the other room while Austin absentmindedly tugged on Lindsay's hair.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I just need a vacation."

"Don't we all?"

"Yeah. Can I ask what you're doing to my hair back there?"

"Sarah's teaching me how to braid. She's declared me a lost cause so I'm practicing when I can. Isa's tired of me yanking on her hair."

"Well carry on, just not so tight. That is of course until you realize you're being girly in the precinct."

"I am pretty sure everyone here has seen enough of our antics over the years to not really care much."

"Yeah. So why is Sarah wanting you to braid her hair now? Didn't you just perfect the bun-making?"

"I did. But the cool moms do braids and buns."

"Oh dear."

"I have to be the cool mom."

"Did you tell her you're already the cool mom?"

"Yes!"

"Did you show her your music collection?"

"She asked me if I had any Mozart because that's her favorite to warm up to."

"I'm so proud of her and yet… are you sure you brought the right kid home from the hospital?"

"Sometimes I wonder the same thing."

"If you need anything Shea, don't hesitate to call me, alright?" Lindsay said, holding out a light jacket for the younger woman. "If you want to be updated or if you just want to talk, you call that number anytime, okay?"

"Anytime?"

"Anytime. Middle of the day, middle of the night, six in the morning, don't think twice."

"Are you sure?" Shea asked as they headed out the front doors. "I don't want to bother you."

"It's not a bother. I'll have the time or make the time, alright?"

"What if you never find him?"

"I don't have a good answer for that. I wish I did."

"How do I move on? Knowing he's out there, knowing what happened because of me?"

"You stop telling yourself it was because of you. Don't worry about anything else right now. This isn't your fault. You are always going to feel guilty about it, you are always going to question how things could have been different, but you have to remember that you did not decide to do anything that was wrong. You are a victim and you are a survivor. You didn't cause this."

Shea stayed quiet and held her hand out for a taxi while Lindsay sighed a little.

"Please call me okay? And I'll let you know of anything new on the case, alright?"

"Yeah."

Shea climbed into the taxi and after one short glance out the window she was gone. Lindsay pulled her coat around herself and shivered, even though it wasn't that cold out. There was a rock sitting in her stomach, but there was nothing she could do to change Shea's mind either. Sighing deeply she walked back inside, gathering her things and saying goodbye to Austin who looked worried, and heading for home. She took the bus, staring out the window and counting the stops, feeling like there were way too many before she would be home. All she wanted to do was snuggle the kids then slip into a hot bath for a little while before falling asleep next to Adam where it was warm and safe.

The bus stopped several blocks from home and she had to hoof it the rest of the way, but she didn't mind much with the way the rain was falling around her, accompanying her on her journey. Her heart was so heavy that her steps were solid and long and by the time she reached the front door, she was exhausted out of her mind.

"Mama home, mama home!" Avery was shouting as she climbed off the couch. "My mama! Hi!"

"Hi baby," Lindsay said, crouching down and hugging her daughter close.

"Oh, mama wet."

"It's just rain. It's okay."

"Mama, Avery love you! Avery kiss you."

She pressed kisses all over Lindsay's face, her enthusiasm for seeing her mama just what Lindsay needed at the moment.

"I missed you so much today honey."

"Miss mama. We go play now huh?"

"No, it's time for bed. Where's daddy and the boys?"

"Uh… Avery night-night. Daddy boys in room."

"Averylin Grace, did daddy put you to bed already?"

There was silence from the little girl and she tipped her head to the side, batting her eyelashes furiously.

"Avery love mama. Sing me?"

The giant blue eyes rendered Lindsay incapable of doling out any punishment and she smiled, nuzzling Avery's cheek.

"What should I sing?"

"Jenn'fer Nett'os. Suga'land. Please."

Lindsay smiled and nodded, proud that her daughter could name a favorite singer even at this age. How could she say no to that request?

"When the weight of the world bears down so strong you leave footprints on the street, and there's too many miles to face without a few more hours sleep. The storm clouds overhead won't shed any rain to quench your thirst, I wanna be the one you reach for first."

"More mama," Avery yawned as they started up the stairs. "Sing more."

"When your faith is stretched so thin that you can see straight through your soul, and you can't find a nickel to buy a smile, 'cause your pockets all got holes. You wanna shut the door and hide before the day can get much worse, I wanna be the one you reach for first."

Avery buried her face in Lindsay's neck and hummed along with the chorus, having heard it so many times in her short life.

"Fall into me; my arms are open wide and you don't have to say a word. 'Cause I already see, that it's hard and you're scared and you're tired and it hurts and I wanna be the one you reach for first."

Avery smiled as she was tucked into her bed and Lindsay kissed her softly.

"Goodnight Averylin Grace. I love you."

"Love you mama."

"Sweet dreams darling. See you when the sun comes up."

She closed the bedroom door partway and took her coat off, draping it over the banister before going into the bathroom and drying her hair with a towel. Her clothes weren't that wet and she was seriously considering forgoing a hot bath in favor of crawling straight into bed. She went into the boys room where Adam had just finished up with their story for the night. Ben gave her a huge smile at first, then frowned.

"Mama," he started, squinting at her without his glasses. "You look despondent."

She gave a half smile and shook her head.

"Nope, just tired."

"Well c'mere and kiss me goodnight. My hiccups goed away. You won't catch 'em."

She chuckled and leaned down to kiss him.

"I love you Ben."

"Love you too mama. See you tomorrow."

She and Adam swapped kids and he spent a minute saying goodnight to Ben while she had a few minutes with Colton.

"You still need to talk to me honey?"

"Well, not really."

"Oh? How come?"

"Believe it or not I talked it out with Ben. He's a real good listener. So now the matter isn't so pressin'. Daddy said you're in the middle of a case."

"I always have time for you if you need me though."

"Yep, I figured. I'll tell you about it later. I feel better just talkin' about it. It's nothin' for you to worry about though mama. Okay?"

"Okay son. I love you."

"Love you too."

She kissed him gently and stood up, following Adam out of the room.

"You alright babe?"

She nodded and reached down for his hand.

"Let's go to bed. This day needs to be over."

He nodded and held her close, pulling her thoughts temporarily back into this house, where everything was okay.