Hello, lovelies! So, first thing's first: after this chapter, there will only be two left (*internal screaming*). BUT there will be a sequel, which I've been super excited to write (and I hope ya'll will be excited to read?) Anyway, so today's chapter title is "Thinking Out Loud" by The Kickdrums and it's really beautiful, I love it. Also, I reference "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron, which is also a beautiful song. Thank you all again for your reviews and support, and until the next chapter, let me know what you think!

27. Thinking Out Loud

Glenn was the first to move, shaking his head as he backed away from the army of walkers.

"Let's go," he murmured.

Mason stood rooted to the spot, watching a vein in Abraham's neck pulse. He was facing away from her, so she couldn't see his face, but she could imagine the storm clouds clearly. He was muttering something to himself, so low she could barely catch it.

"I will not lie down."

Mason and Eugene exchanged an uneasy glance. There was something about his stance, the tension in his shoulders, that put a pit in her stomach.

"Abraham," Rosita called. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

Slowly, he turned around. His eyes were distant and hot, burning like coals.

"Hold up," he said.

"We gotta go," Maggie said.

"No. No, we don't. They can't hear us and they can't see us. Not from here."

"Yeah, this is the definition of fine," Tara said.

"We need the map. There's gotta be a detour," Glenn said.

"I'm not doing it."

Abraham began to pace then. His caged lion energy made Mason's neck prickle.

"We detoured and detoured and detoured from Houston to Georgia. I'm not playing that game anymore."

Glenn's eyes were wide in amazement. "We are not going through this!"

"We don't go back," Abraham growled. "We can't go back."

"I'm not talking about going back. Just south a few miles."

"No."

"Abraham-"

"We can get through! And that means we are not going south, going around, or going back!"

He had his army voice raised to full volume. The others were starting to look nervous, though the walkers couldn't possibly hear him from so far away.

"No," Rosita said. "Glenn's right."

Abraham stared at her for a long time, betrayal and fury reddening his cheeks, until finally he hung his head. Mason began to hope that maybe they were getting through to him, and that hope leapt as he started walking away from the dead ones.

Until he grabbed Eugene by the arm so roughly that he stumbled and began dragging him back toward the fire truck.

"Hey! Hey! Let him go!" Mason shouted, running after them.

The others added their voices, rushing to stop him. Mason, Glenn and Tara clustered around them, trying to free Eugene, but Abraham fought back. In the scuffle, he shoved Mason hard enough that she skidded across the pavement.

"Hey!" Glenn shouted, and Tara and Rosita began cursing him out, but all Mason was aware of was the terrified look in Eugene's eyes.

Quickly she leapt to her feet and rejoined the fray, more furious than ever. Everyone was shouting and fighting, but Mason heard Eugene's voice through it all.

"I am not a scientist! I am not a scientist!"

She stopped dead in her tracks.

A few more shouts and the others heard him as well, all of them falling silent at the same time. Abraham was so shocked Eugene was able to pull away.

"I lied," he said, trembling from head to toe. "I'm not a scientist. I don't know how to stop it. I…I'm not a scientist."

Nobody spoke for a long time. The silence was broken only by the chirrup of bugs, which in the wake of Eugene's revelation sounded cruelly like laughter.

"But…you are a scientist, I've seen the things that you can do," Rosita finally said.

"I just know things," Eugene replied.

Glenn blinked. "You just…know things?"

"I know I'm smarter than most people. I know I'm a very good liar and I know I needed to get to D.C."

Mason's knees trembled but she barely felt them. Something was building in her chest, making it hard to breathe.

"Why?" Maggie asked.

"Because I do believe that locale holds the strongest possibility for survival. And I wanted to survive. If I could cheat some people into taking me there, well, I just reasoned I'd be doin' them a solid, too."

The thing building in her chest…it was slowly breaking through her disbelief, her shock. It felt like fire. It sank its teeth in her lungs.

Rosita's eyes welled with tears. "People died trying to get you here."

"I'm aware of that. Stephanie, Warren, Pam, Rex, Roger, Josiah, Dirk and Josephine. And…and Bob."

Mason flinched.

Eight people died to get me where I am right now. Their hearts stopped pumping blood so mine could and that's… It's like…

They're haunting you.

It was rage, that thing inside her. It was betrayal. He had lied to her, lied to all of them.

She looked at him then, fully prepared to let this rage consume her, and at that moment his eyes flickered up to meet hers.

Just like they had the first day they'd met. Just like they had so many times after.

The fear in them was overwhelming, but it had nothing on the guilt. She saw it clear as day. Everything he had done, every lie he'd told, was etched into the way he held himself. Suddenly it all made sense, his constant apologies. She'd seen firsthand how it ate at him.

When they'd found each other, he'd been just as hollow as her.

And when he looked at her then, she read the I'm sorry in his eyes and it deflated her.

His hands were shaking. His eyes were bright blue with tears.

This was her friend. Her best friend. She didn't think that had changed, whatever else had.

In the same moment, she noticed the way Abraham was looking at him. The violence building behind his expression. Alarm bells went off in her head, pushing the fury to a back burner.

Her hand came to rest on her gun.

"You see, I lost my nerve as we grew closer, for I am a coward," Eugene said. "And the reality of getting to our destination and disclosing the truth of the matter became some truly frightening shit. I took it upon myself to slow our roll. Find time to finesse things so then when we got there… But at this moment I fully realize there are no longer any agreeable options. I was screwed either way."

He stood there for a moment, eyes flickering from face to face, before he looked at Abraham.

"Again," he said, "I am smarter than you. Now you may want to leave me here, but-"

Abraham dropped his gun and punched Eugene twice in the face, so hard he careened backward and slammed into the truck.

Mason lost it then.

The fury returned, so powerful she was no longer in control of her body, so overwhelming it felt like going mad. With a feral snarl, she lunged, putting her body between Abraham and Eugene.

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM."

She punched Abraham, once in the face and once in the throat, hard enough that it reverberated up the bone and into her shoulder.

He lurched away but recovered quickly, looming over her with a frightening roar.

She didn't flinch. She had no intention of moving. She drew her gun and aimed it at his forehead.

"Get out of my way," he seethed.

But her eyes were unblinking steel. Her voice was the coldest flame.

"Touch him again," she said, "and I will fucking kill you."

She meant it. Just like he meant to kill Eugene. She could see it in his eyes, the bloodlust that called to her own. They had always been in sync on that level.

Rosita and Glenn stepped between them but her eyes never left Abraham's, not until he turned and stalked away.

It was only then that she realized Eugene was slumped on the ground, and the sight of his unconscious form filled her with such crushing panic that she dropped to her knees.

"Is he okay? Is he gonna be okay? Is he breathing?"

Her hands fluttered helplessly over his prone form, touching his face, his neck, his chest.

Nononono not him not him dear god not him.

Tears burned her cheeks, blurring her vision. Angrily she swiped them away but they just kept coming.

"Mason. Mason, honey, calm down. He's…he's still breathin'."

That was Maggie, laying a steadying hand on her shoulder.

"Then do something!"

Her heart hammered so fast in her chest she wondered idly if she was having a stroke. It was hard to breathe. There wasn't enough air and everything was too hot and the world was starting to slip away at the corners.

"Mason. Sweetie, look at me. Look at me."

But when Mason didn't respond, Maggie grabbed her face firmly in her hands and forced her to look away from Eugene's unresponsive, half-lidded eyes.

"Honey, you're havin' a panic attack, I need you to breathe with me, okay?"

But how could she breathe? Why did it matter? She couldn't even remember how her lungs worked.

"Mason, breathe."

She struggled to do as Maggie said, heaving a shaking breath in and then releasing it. Her lungs burned and her chest ached, like her heart had bruised her ribcage, but gradually, gradually, she returned back to relative normal. The anxiety remained but the world stopped falling around her.

Maggie stroked her hair out of her face. "Hey. You with me?"

Shakily, she nodded. "Help him. You can help him, right?"

"There's…not much I can do for him."

"What do you mean? There has to be something."

"Should we get him to the church?" Glenn asked.

Maggie shook her head. "Movin' him could make him worse."

"What'll make him better?"

"Wakin' up."

~m~

Mason stayed crouched over Eugene's form, one hand gripping his, the other stroking occasionally through his hair. Her knees screamed and the sun baked her shoulders but she didn't move.

"Hey, Mason, we-"

She drew her gun quicker than lightning, aiming it at Glenn, who had come around the corner. He held his hands up and took a step back.

"Whoa, whoa, hey. It's okay. Put the gun down."

Still she watched him, bristling with mistrust. She had no intention of letting him or anyone else near Eugene.

"Mason. I'm not gonna hurt him. Put the gun down."

After a long, tense pause, she slowly lowered her gun, but her suspicion never wavered.

"I just wanted to tell you that me and the others are going to look for water. I wondered if you wanted to come."

"No."

She didn't recognize her own voice and apparently neither did Glenn. His eyes darkened with worry but he just nodded.

"Okay. Maggie's gonna stay here with you and keep watch. We won't be gone long."

He disappeared without another word. Mason listened to him and the others getting ready, constantly on edge in case one of them approached. Her eyes narrowed when she caught them whispering her name.

"I don't know, but…I'm worried about Mason, too. I've never seen her like this. Not even after the prison."

"That's because her and Eugene…you know."

Her spine prickled. Her and Eugene what? But no one else seemed to need further explanation.

"If he doesn't wake up…"

"Let's just hope he does."

~m~

Once the others had left, Mason decided it was safe enough to give her body a rest. She lowered her aching limbs down onto the pavement and curled up next to Eugene, resting her head on his chest so she could monitor his pulse.

Breathing was a game, a roll of the dice. The panic moved in and out like waves, threatening to engulf her with each swell. Pressure built inside her ribcage until she thought her heart would be crushed.

God, please, she thought. Don't take him from me.

It had been a long time since she'd prayed, a long time since she'd believed that it could ever do any good. But she was desperate, she was small and helpless, and she needed him to wake up. She needed him.

Just let him wake up. Just let him be okay.

She couldn't even imagine the alternative. Every time her traitor brain took her there, she shut down. Her limbs shook and her lungs shriveled.

She didn't know where Maggie was. Giving Mason some space, probably, for which she was grateful. Abraham hadn't appeared, either, but she tried not to think of him. It made her feel less in control of herself. More likely to spill blood and not give a shit whose it was.

Time passed but it was hard to say how much. The sun didn't seem to move but surely it was? Surely this wasn't some fucked-up loop she was suddenly trapped in? Some sci-fi horror cliché Eugene most certainly would've eaten up, the fucking nerd.

Her nerd.

She closed her eyes and tried to wipe her mind clean, to rest in numbing blackness. But all she could see was Eugene smiling, his eyes when she told him he was her best friend, his trembling hands when he confessed to the lie.

Best damn liar in the multiverse.

~m~

When Maggie came around with the ladder, it was clear Glenn had filled her in on Mason's ferocious vigilance. She approached slowly and spoke in a soothing tone, like the way you talk to feral dogs.

"I thought you both could use some shade," she explained, nodding to the blanket draped over one shoulder.

Cautiously, Mason rose to her feet to help prop the ladder over Eugene. Maggie draped the blanket over it, creating a tent.

"Thank you," Mason said.

Maggie reached out and took her hand. "You should drink some water."

"No. Eugene can have it. He'll need it when he wakes up."

"You need to stay hydrated, too."

Mason thought of all the times Eugene had made sure she drank her water, how he'd left her bottles of it even when she wasn't so friendly. They always looked out for each other. She shook her head.

"No. He needs it more."

Maggie apparently thought better than to argue, because she gave Mason's hand a brief squeeze before leaving her alone again.

~m~

Her voice was strong and steady, fluid and fire.

She didn't care if it was stupid. There was nothing else she could do.

She didn't care who heard so long as he did.

She would sing him back. She would scream him from the edge if that's what it took.

~m~

When the others returned, she was still singing, rotating through all the songs she could think of. She ignored them, refused to take the water bottle Glenn offered her. Her eyes stayed fixed on Eugene's face, her fingers locked in his fingers.

The others sorted water bottles, inventoried their belongings. Mason continued to sing.

Eugene's hand tightened around hers.

Her breath shuddered to a standstill, cutting off mid-lyric.

"Eugene?"

His eyelids fluttered.

"M…Mason…"

Relief was not the right sentiment. There was not a word for how she felt. She smiled a breathless smile, stroking his hair, dotting his shirt with tears.

"It's me," she whispered. "I'm right here."

He lifted one quivering hand to touch her face. "You're real," he rasped. "You're…angel…"

His addled words brought her back to reality. Refusing to look away from his blackened eyes, she hollered to the others.

"We need water!"

They rushed over quickly, all except Abraham, and began giving him water and tending to his wounds and gently lifting him to his feet. Mason stayed with him through it all, never letting go of his hand.

"I'll get him on the truck," she finally said, wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him. He leaned on her heavily as they rounded the corner, and there was Abraham, standing at the edge of the road.

He didn't say anything, and Mason kept her tone light as she helped Eugene on the truck. But once he was secure she fixed Abraham with her blackest glare, and there was no mistaking the threat in her eyes.

~m~

"I was on a beach somewhere…" Eugene said. He was lying in the back of the truck, his head propped up against Mason's side. They were headed back to the church. The first unanimous decision they'd made since starting their journey.

"Oh, yeah? Nice of you to take a vacation while the rest of us slum it in the boondocks," she teased.

"You were there, too," he went on. "You were dying."

"Me?" She blinked.

"The tides had taken you… I swam out to get you but you were fixed in place. That's when I heard it. Faraway and faint, but I heard it. The singing. It was you, wasn't it?"

Tears pricked her eyes. "Yes."

"I knew it. Even then I knew it. I held onto your voice like a rope and it pulled me out of the water, or out of wherever I was. I guess…I guess it's plausible I could very well have-"

"No. Let's not…think about that."

He blinked in surprise. "You were scared."

"Of course I was. You were… I thought…"

But she couldn't even admit it.

Eugene fidgeted uneasily. "I just figured…after coming clean about my dishonesty…"

"That I'd want you dead?"

His silence was answer enough.

She sighed. "Eugene…when you first told us, I was pissed. It wasn't even so much the whole cure thing, because we've been trapped in this hell for so long it's…well, it feels, like, permanent. I guess it is. And a part of me always doubted that there could ever be a…a going back. Too much has changed. Not just for me, or you, or the rest of us, but for the whole world. We can't go back.

"I didn't care about losing D.C. I was pissed because you lied to me. You really hurt me."

"I never wanted to," he said in a small voice.

Mason stroked her hand soothingly through his hair. "I know. I saw it on your face. I know how much of you it's hollowed out, the lying." She smiled a little. "Best liar in the multiverse."

"What?"

"That's your title. You know: ladies and gentlemen, now introducing the best liar in the multiverse, Dr. Deceit, otherwise known as EEP the Geek."

Eugene smiled. "Don't make me laugh, I literally dragged myself out of the maw of death not an hour earlier."

"Oh, literally, huh?"

"Well, I guess you did. My siren. That's your title."

"Don't sirens lure men to their death."

"I guess you're an odd siren. Mason Odd-Siren, the fireball with the fire poker."

"Shut up, you nerd."

~m~

When they arrived at the church, Carl, Michonne and Gabriel were outside, covered in blood. The doors had been boarded shut from the outside, and there were walkers strewn in pieces across the ground.

"They ran into trouble," Eugene said.

"We always do," Mason replied.

She left him to rest in the truck, hopping out to examine the damage. She quirked an eyebrow at Michonne.

"Have fun without us?"

Michonne huffed an exhausted laughed and hugged her tight, then pulled away, confused.

"You're back. Something happen?"

Mason faltered, unwilling to betray Eugene even though she knew they would have to. Seeing her flounder, Glenn jumped in to explain.

"Eugene lied," he said. "He can't stop it."

Michonne's eyes darkened, and Mason felt a flicker of defensiveness, but Maggie spoke before things could escalate.

"Where is everybody?"

And just like that, there was joy on Michonne's face, the kind of someone who has the perfect gift to give someone else. She turned to Mason and Maggie.

"Beth's alive. She's in a hospital in Atlanta. Some people have her but the others went to get her back.

The world slowed to a stop.

Her heart fluttered in dizzying somersaults.

"Beth's…alive," Mason whispered. "She's alive. She's alive, oh my god-"

Maggie swept her up right as the tears started. They cried into each other's shirts. They laughed and clutched each other tight.

Beth

was

alive.