Chapter 14: There's always sunrise.

Anna actually kept her word. She came every day for one week, even if at first I tried to scare her away. I don't do it anymore though, maybe because she said the truth for once and endured every insult and cold shoulder I gave her and this made me think that perhaps she's really trying to change and help me. I've even trusted her enough to tell her a couple of my sad memories. I think I just wanted to get them off of my chest.

Maybe seeing Anna is really helping me, I don't know, what I know though is that I don't feel so… helpless. That spark of hope has not died thanks to the fuel Anna gives it every day. It hasn't grown either though.

Suddenly Gerda opens the door carrying a tray with broth and I know Anna will be arriving soon (she's forced me to eat a couple of times). She places it on the nightstand and eyes me with a severe gaze.

"Elsa, will you be a good girl today?" She asks.

I'm never a good girl. I'm a monster.

I just see the broth and smell it. It smells pretty good and my stomach growls in anticipation. However…

I don't deserve to eat; I should die.

"Elsa, come on, get up. I won't let you starve to death." She says as she takes a spoonful of broth and approaches it to my face. "Open your mouth."

I see the spoon for a moment before deciding I won't take it and turning around, hiding under the sheets.

"I'm not hungry." I say.

"Elsa, we both know that's not true. You also refused to have breakfast." She has a concerned tone and it makes me feel somewhat guilty, but I just hope she'll realize with time that I'm not worth the efforts she makes.

"I wasn't hungry." I just answer.

A few seconds pass in silence before she finally sighs and says:

"Alright then, I'll leave the broth here and by the time I come back you better have eaten it, understood?" I don't answer and she just leaves the room, leaving me to dwell on my depression as I always do. Then, after a few seconds… minutes? The door opens again, but I don't turn around figuring it's just Gerda coming again to insist that I eat, but then I hear a familiar voice.

"Hi." I turn to see it's not Gerda, but Anna. "Uhm… Guess what?" She continues when I don't answer her greeting. "Remember the other day I told you I had made your homework for you and gave it to the teacher saying you had done it? Well, he gave it to me today and you got a 100!" She pulls the homework out of her backpack and shows it to me, clearly hoping to get a positive reaction, but for me that's just a useless piece of paper.

"Yay." I say unenthusiastically.

Really?! The girl did your homework for you and that's all you say?

She did it because she wanted to; I didn't ask her.

Still, it's very impolite not to thank someone who made you a favor.

Maybe if she realizes how horrible I am she'll stop doing useless things for me.

"Oh, come on, smile! I did your homework for you and got you a good grade. You owe me one."

"No, I don't. Good notes don't serve when you are going to die soon."

"True, but you're not dying. I won't let you." She crosses her arms over her chest and gives me a severe gaze.

Gosh, why can't they just let me die?

"You're too stubborn." I complain turning around so now my back is facing her, just as I did with Gerda.

"I am, and I made a promise to you; that I'll help you get better, and I plan on fulfilling it." Saying this, she takes a step forward and grabs my arm (she's very touchy so it doesn't surprises me and I don't flinch too much), pulling me, clearly trying to get me out of bed. I, of course, try to resist. "Come on, I planned something for today."

She planned something? I wonder what it is.

It doesn't matter, we're not going anywhere.

"I did too. My plan is to stay here and do nothing." I say, but it doesn't matter. She's too strong for me and more motivated too, so I know it's only a matter of time before she accomplish what she intends, and this makes me feel hopeless, which I don't like.

"Well, sorry. Not happening." In that moment she manages to turn me around and sit me on the edge of the bed. I glare at her. "I'm doing this for your own good."

"Right." I roll my eyes.

The only thing that you could do for my own good is kill me.

Yeah… or, you know, helping us get over our depression?

She ignores my comment and goes search for something, returning a minute later with a hair brush in her hand with the clear intention of brushing my hair. At first I wasn't going to do anything about it, resigned that I'm in her hands, but then, as her hand approaches me, something makes me retreat in fear and say:

"No. Don't."

What was that? Why'd you be afraid of Anna brushing your hair?

"I have to brush it, or else you'll scare everyone in the streets with your crazy witch-like mane of hair."

"I really don't trust you near my hair." I raise my hand in front of my head in a defensive gesture. Suddenly, the memory that prompted this reaction slowly surges within my mind.

"Really? I mean, the day we met you didn't have a problem with it."

Don't you think it's a little cynical on your part to mention that?

"Yes, but that day I learned an important lesson." I remember how she tricked me, making me think she wanted to be my friend and how then she stabbed me in the back, breaking my heart into a million pieces. I may want to die, but I don't want to suffer anymore; I won't go through that again.

Anna's eyes widens when she realizes what my words mean.

"Wait what? You know about…?"

"I'm not stupid." I roll my eyes. "Of course I noticed what you were doing." She's way too innocent (a bad innocent) if she thinks otherwise. "You wanted to impress Hans."

To be fair, you made her think you didn't notice to avoid a direct confrontation. Coward.

"Oh shit!" She exclaims, clearly surprised and angry with herself. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I think I was just naïve and…"

"Stop apologizing." It really annoys me when she does that. "I know you were naïve and fell in Hans' trap. It doesn't change the facts though."

"I know." She sighs. "But I won't do it again. Never. I won't hurt you anymore."

"You've already said that. A hundred and twenty three times these past seven days." I cross my arms and look away, unable to hold her gaze. Maybe I'm afraid to find in her eyes that she's not really sorry, that she hasn't changed… that she's just waiting for the right opportunity to hurt me.

"And I'll keep saying it until you believe me." She replies. "Now, come on, let me brush your hair."

She gives me a stubborn stare and I know she's not gonna leave me alone until she's brushed my hair, so when she approaches to me again, I fight against my fears so I don't put so much resistance, even if the way she pulls the knots is really painful.

After several minutes the torture is over and I have my hair in my characteristic braid that I haven't had the energy or will to do since my suicidal attempt.

"Okay, so now we just have to change your clothes and then we can go to the park." She says.

"We?!" I exclaim. "I don't think so. I'm not letting you see me naked." I glare at her to make my point clear. The truth is I wouldn't mind her seeing me naked (I don't care about decency anymore) if I didn't know she'd get worried and crazy about the current state of my body, and I'm not willing to have an argument about how I'm starving myself to death.

"Okay." She concedes. "It was only an expression." She goes to my closet to try to find something for me to wear, but I know it's useless; these are the only not-wrinkled clothes I have. She promptly realizes this and just hands me my blue sweater. "Just… put this on, alright?"

"You found nothing for me to wear?" I ask even though I know the answer, just to see what she says, as I put on the sweater.

"When was the last time you bought clothes?" She asks.

"Around October." I shrug. "I found you at the mall, remember?"

"Oh, that's right!" She nods, but then she gives a confused glance at my closet. "Where are the clothes you bought that time?" At her words I feel that my heart clenches and cold sweat descends through my spine. I don't want to answer, but I do so anyway. I can't hold it in anymore.

"Snow asked me to stay with them." I clench my hands around the edge of the mattress until my knuckles turn white, as images of their cruel smiles appear on my mind, as well as Anna's innocent face. "And I said yes because I knew they'd hurt you if I didn't." She gasps, but I continue. "They told me to stay away from you, and to prove their point they ruined my new shirt." I pause and close my eyes, remembering how they took the first new shirt I was able to buy in years and painted it with gooseberry ice-cream, and I wasn't capable of doing anything about it. I remember the pain, the impotence and, most of all, the fury that I felt, how I wanted to kill Snow. "You know what happened next." I continue, remembering how much it hurt me to turn Anna down, time after time, and how she then took revenge without compassion… How my life turned into hell after that day.

If I only had been stronger, if I had faced them, told them they couldn't mess with me… if I hadn't listened to my father's voice in my head telling me to "Conceal, don't feel". He never cared about me, so why should I care about a word he says? Why can't I just beat those bullies? To hurt them until they are not recognizable? To kill them? To kill Snow, who is now holding my shirt, ready to ruin it with that damn ice-cream.

I lunge forward and grab her neck with my hands, squishing with all my might and relishing at how her eyes are full of fear, how she's the one who's desperate, helpless. How she can't defend herself from me.

Bu then…

"E-El…sa." A voice reaches my ears, and it's not Snow's.

I blink and see that I'm not at the mall, but in my room, and that my hands are not around my tormenter's neck, but around Anna's and that she's about to pass out. Horrified, I let go of her and stare at my hands. The hands that almost killed the girl who's been trying to change for me the past week.

That's why my father always said "Conceal, don't feel". I'm dangerous, I'm a monster… I'm a killer. I killed my brother and I tried to kill Anna. I don't deserve to live.

"Elsa?" Anna asks with difficulty because of the pain I caused on her throat.

"I'm a monster." I say.

That's right. And monsters deserve to be punished. Monsters deserve to feel pain.

How can I inflict pain on myself? Which punishment is big enough for what I've done? I look at the walls and instantly know it.

I start punching the nearest wall with all the strength I'm capable of, not caring about the pain I feel or the blood that soon starts leaving red spots on the gray paint; it's my punishment. I deserve this.

"Elsa!" I hear Anna's voice calling for me, but I don't answer; I don't think I'd be able to see her in the eyes after what I did. I just keep hitting the wall.

Suddenly, a pair of strong arms hold me from behind, keeping me from moving and, therefore, from completing my punishment. I try to fight them off, but I'm still very weak and I can't.

This is not right. I have to suffer. It's the only way justice can be made.

I quickly search for something to hurt myself, but I find nothing… until I see my forearms and an idea starts forming in my mind. I pull down my sleeves and tear apart the now revealed bandages with the intention of scratching my wounds until they open again.

"Elsa no!" I hear Anna scream as she releases me, only to turn me around and grab my hands the next instant, keeping me from hurting myself. I frenetically try to continue opening my wounds, but she doesn't let me and, after a few seconds of fighting, the adrenaline dies and I sink into the floor, defeated and exhausted.

I don't understand. Why did she stopped me? I tried to kill her, I deserved this, so…

"Why?" I ask looking to the ground, and even to me my voice sounds hopeless and desperate. "Why did you stop me? I'm a monster, I should die, everyone would be better off without me."

"Elsa that's not…" She swallows. "You are not a mons…"

"I almost killed you!" I interrupt her, and my scream makes her release my arms, taking a step back with a terrified expression. She's afraid of me.

Of course she's afraid; I almost killed her. It'd be better if she went away and never returned. That way she'd be safe from me.

I don't know why, but the thought of never seeing her again because of my stupid impulses makes my heart hurt. Badly. Maybe because if she did that, she'd confirm I'm a monster. I'm not able to contain my tears or my sobs. It's the first time I feel such sadness since my suicidal attempt.

And now I'm crying even though she was the one who got hurt. I don't deserve to cry… I don't have that luxury.

I slam my fists against the floor once, but this time it's not to hurt myself; it's to express the anger and frustration I feel. I should be dead. Anna should leave. She's in danger. I'm dangerous.

"I almost killed you a-and…. and I know you're just trying to help." I say, rotting in guilt. It's true, even if I haven't admitted it out loud before, I know she actually wants to help me this time. Her continuous support even after I tried to kill her is proof enough.

"Okay Elsa, first of, you didn't know it was me; you were lost in horrible memories. And second, you didn't kill me. You stopped yourself in time." She assures me, but they're only pathetic attempts to excuse the inexcusable. I don't answer though; I have not energy left. I'm emotionally drained.

Seconds pass and Anna finally takes my arms and helps me up to then start fixing my bandages. I want to tell her that it's not necessary, that I don't deserve it, but I don't have the will or the strength to do it. While she's fixing them though, she grimaces and shudders, putting the same horrified face Gerda does every time she sees my wounds.

"You're horrified of this." I comment. "Of what I did to myself."

It actually shames me when other people see the remains of my failure, of the time I wasn't even good enough to take my own life.

"I am." She admits. "But… I mostly feel sadness. Just thinking you could've died that day, and what you should have been feeling…" Anna's lip trembles and she quickly wipes the tears that had started falling from her eyes. "Sorry." She says giggling in a bitter way, clearly having been about to cry just seconds ago. "I just get too emotional about this."

Why? You didn't even feel them yourself… the pain when they were made… it's all mine.

It may hurt less if you just shared it, you know?

But that'd be selfish.

In that moment she finishes wrapping my bandages and quickly pulls down my sweater to conceal them. Her expression relaxes when the horrendous view is no longer on sight.

"Come on, let's go." She says and takes my hand, leading me out of the room.

After Anna assured Gerda a million times that I'll be fine and they both ignored me each time I tried to protest, she agreed to let the redhead take me whenever she wants, so here we are, walking to Anna-knows-where when I would've preferred to stay at home. I can't help wondering where she's taking me though.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"It's a surprise." She replies.

"Do you even know where the place you want to go is? You don't know this part of the town very well." I point out, not wanting to get lost.

"I've gotten lost a couple of times." She admits. "But that's what made me discover certain ice-… uh… I mean, the place we're heading to."

"So you're just getting lost and hope we'll end up there?" I say sarcastically.

"That's certainly an option." Okay, now I'm worried. "But thankfully there's Google maps so…" She produces a piece of paper out of her pocket and reads it, only to turn it upside down a second later blushing. She then looks up to see the street's name and back to the map. "Uhm… hehe." She laughs nervously as she rubs her nape. "Okay. I did get a little lost. But don't worry, now I know where it is."

I sigh and roll my eyes and she pulls me back to where we came from.

We walked for several minutes before arriving to our destination. Anna didn't say anything during the entire journey, which was rather strange, but I didn't comment on it. Actually, I didn't say anything at all. I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier, but I didn't have the courage to bring it up, since I was afraid of her reaction. What if she didn't want to remember it? What if she didn't want to forgive me?

We suddenly come to a stop and Anna lets go of my hand, raising her hands in an exaggerated way and exclaiming in front of the place she's led me:

"Here we are!" She smiles and I look up to see the old sign hanging above the entrance. It reads: 'Ice-cream shop'. "Do you like it?" Anna asks, nervously waiting for my approval.

"Kind of." I shrug. Actually I do like ice-cream, but I don't have the money to buy it, so it was a bad decision on Anna's part to bring me here.

"We could go somewhere else… if you want." She says tentatively, already looking slightly hurt and disappointed. I sigh internally. I can't do this to her… not after I tried to kill her. I owe her.

"We're already here." I push past her and enter the shop pretending it's not a big deal. Anna follows me inside.

Once we're both inside the ice-cream shop, she starts looking at the flavors but I keep standing awkwardly at the entrance, trying to ignore the vendor's curious gaze, which is thankfully directed towards Anna once she approaches the counter.

"Hi! I want a chocolate ice-cream, please." She says cheerfully.

Chocolate ice-cream. Our favorite.

And we can't get some.

"Of course, something else?" He asks.

"Elsa?" Anna turns to ask me and I deviate my gaze to the floor.

"I don't have money." I simply answer, ignoring the pain I feel at the prospect of not enjoying the delicious treat.

It's not like I deserve to eat it anyways.

"I'll pay." She states.

"No thanks. I don't want ice-cream." I quickly reply. I won't let her buy anything for the person who almost strangled her to death just minutes ago. That wouldn't be right.

"Okay then." She says and then turns to the vendor. "Make it double, please."

Double… oh if we could only ask her a small bite.

Forget it. We aren't asking her anything.

"Alright." He answers and then tells her the price. She pays, he then goes get the ice-cream, hands it to her and she thanks him before exiting the shop. I follow her out.

I thought she'd start eating it as soon as she got it, but we walk a few paces and it doesn't seem like she has the intention of taking even one lick. This worries me. The last person to exhibit a similar behavior was Snow, and she used the ice-cream to torture me. I wonder if Anna will do the same, just with the slight difference of making me watch until it is a puddle of brown liquid on the pavement, wishing I could have had a little taste. I wouldn't blame her if she does; I totally deserve it… I better ask her though, the waiting is killing me.

"A-aren't you gonna eat it?" I ask after speeding up my pace and reaching her side.

"Not until we arrive at our destination." She says.

"You mean it wasn't the ice-cream shop?"

"Of course not." She rolls her eyes. "Oh, there it is!" She grabs my hand and pulls me towards the park in front of us at an almost running speed, not even caring to check if there are cars passing the street. Fortunately, we arrive at a bench in one piece (even if I want to die, I don't think it'd be good for Anna if both of us get run over by a car) and she motions me to sit down. I do so gladly since I haven't walked at all these past two weeks and my muscles are already begging me to have some rest, not being used to so much effort. Anna sits at my side and takes the first lick of her ice-cream, moaning at the flavor. "Oh Elsa, this is great!" She exclaims.

"Really?" I ask and my voice sounds harsher than I intended, but I can't help it; hearing her enjoying the sweet so much makes me resentful to life.

Life's fair though. I guess I get what I deserve.

"You could have some if you asked." She says, and a part of me wants to beg her for some… but no. It's my new punishment, since I couldn't finish the other. "I can't eat a double ice-cream alone… well actually I can, but I shouldn't because my brain would freeze and, on top of that, I'd get a cold and all that stuff, but I'd really like to eat it all… if I wasn't with you because I totally want to give it to you. Not all. Half. You know what I…

"Stop talking!" I shout without being able to contain myself. I don't want her to beg me to taste the dessert because it only makes it harder for me to say no. "You are giving me a headache."

"Sorry." She says, looking to the ground blushing. "It only happens when I'm nervous. I really hate that part of myself."

You hate that part of yourself? Your rambling? That's not even bad. Not as bad as being a monster and trying to kill someone. I hate all about myself.

Can you at least be more empathetic? You just yelled at her for no reason except that she was making it more difficult to you to refuse some ice-cream. Say you're sorry.

"No. I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." I say, trying to calm down. The other voice is right; I was unfair. It only makes me feel worse about myself though.

"It's okay. Everyone says it's an awful bad habit…" She gives a long sigh and then pauses, apparently lost in thought, before speaking gain. "Anyways. Do you want ice-cream or not?"

Can't we just drop the subject?

"It's your ice-cream. You eat it." I say avoiding staring longingly at said ice-cream.

"I bought it for both of us, so half is yours. Here." She tends it to me and I can't help turning to see it before using all my strength to avert my eyes from it. However, I don't understand what she meant saying it's for both of us… did she requested it double so we could share? The thought makes some kind of warmth to appear on my heart… and then it is consumed by the coldness.

No, that's not what happened. She says she'd like to eat it by herself, so it wasn't for both of us. She just feels bad eating it in front of me while I don't have one.

"Come on, my arm is getting tired and my mouth is salivating." Her words almost make me feel guilty, but I don't concede… I can't take it from her.

"You. Eat. It." I repeat, clenching my teeth.

"Okay, if you say so." She finally agrees, understanding I'm not giving in, and I almost sigh in relief… until I hear her rather loud and exaggerated moans that really make me want some… almost to the point of taking it from her and eat it all. "Can't you be quiet?!" I snap. Can't she see how this is affecting me? I just want to do what's right, meaning not stealing even a lick of ice-cream from the girl I almost chocked to death.

"I'm sorry, but this is so good I can't help it." She says with her mouth still full of ice-cream. "It's the best ice-cream ever. Are you sure you don't want some?"

"No." I answer hugging myself and trying not to look at it.

"Really? Don't you think you deserve to have a taste of the most wonderful ice-cream on the entire planet?"

The moment those words leave her mouth I feel pain because, somehow, hearing it out loud and from another person makes it more awful. True, I don't' deserve to have ice-cream, whether it's the best or the worst… I just don't deserve anything that makes me feel good.

Suddenly, something cold and wet is pressed upon my lips, and I flinch, realizing a moment later that it's the ice-cream Anna put directly on my mouth… I know it's a trick to make me ask for more, but I can't stop myself when my tongue licks the remains, surprising me with the amazing taste and making me crave for more.

"Elsa, you deserve it. You deserve to have everything you want, to have fun, to be happy." Anna insists with a concerned expression.

"I don't. I'm a monster, Anna." I try to make her understand.

"No, you're not." She retorts. "You're only a very broken person."

"Still. I'm a danger to the others."

I almost killed you today for fuck's sake! Ifthat doesn't make me undeserving of happiness I don't know what does.

"Only because you deprive yourself of feeling good things, because you hate yourself." How can I not? "Because you're not happy, you only feel aggression."

Well… that actually makes sense. I mean, if you don't know the light, if you deprive yourself from it… how can you be anything but dark? Bad?

Yeah, but… precisely because I'm a bad person I don't deserve to see the light.

Then how will you ever change? How will you ever become good? How will you stop being a danger to the others? How will you stop being a monster?

…

I look at the ice-cream and then at Anna, trying to decide what to do, which voice to listen.

"Elsa, it's true you've hurt me, but I've also hurt you, so we're even." She keeps insisting me, and now I'm more inclined to give in. "It's not a reason to beat yourself up and… to turn the aggression you feel towards me o-or the others against yourself."

Then what should I do?! Kill them all?

No, but if you keep it in yourself, it'll only destroy you. You have to let it out. At least a part of it.

I can't! It's dangerous!

But if you store it inside you it becomes bigger and bigger as time passes. One day it doesn't fit in anymore, it explodes and bad things happen, both to you and the ones around you. Like today.

It's more dangerous to house a whole bunch of bombs and hope that they don't explode than to light a little match every day.

What should I do? Which one of the voices is right? I always thought it was better to conceal, to keep everything in, but… it hasn't worked. Maybe I should let it go?

"Come on, if I deserve ice-cream, so do you." Anna intervenes, handing me the ice-cream, but I still haven't come up with a decision so I hesitate. "The first step to stop being a monster, is being happy. Monsters are not happy." She insists and I can't hold myself back anymore. She's right; monsters are not happy and I want to be happy, I don't want to be a monster. Without thinking it twice, I take the ice-cream in one quick movement and start licking it frantically, enjoying how wonderful it tastes. Also, my stomach thanks me for the first food given in almost 24 hours. "Hey, leave something for me, will you?" Anna interrupts my little taste of paradise and I reluctantly hand it to her (It's still her ice-cream after all, I can't eat it all). Fortunately, she just takes a couple of licks and then returns it to me. I do the same not to seem desperate and rude and we continue like this while we hear the calming sound of the wind passing through the threes and enjoy the delicious dessert.

For a moment it all seems so normal… we're just two friends eating some ice-cream in the park after school.

Normal for me is a luxury, so I memorize every second of it, hoping it'll last because this is the first time I've stopped being miserable in what feels like an eternity.

After finishing the ice-cream, Anna insisted to have a walk around the park and I agreed since she was so generous to let me eat some of her ice-cream. I don't know why she wanted to do it though. There's nothing interesting; the benches are old, the threes don't have leaves, the snow is dirty, the path is slippery and the only people at this hour are tramps. It's an old and neglected park, surrounded by houses just as old and neglected. She shouldn't be here. She grew up in a wealthy neighborhood surrounded by pretty things. I bet she can't wait to leave and is just doing this out of courtesy.

I don't say anything though. Even if I don't want to admit it out loud, walking here is calming… even more with Anna's warm hand holding mine.

Suddenly, we arrive to the disserted playground, and Anna lets go of my hand, to run towards the nearest slide and start climbing the stair.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused as to why she would suddenly start climbing a slide. Isn't it supposed to be for the kids?

"I'm climbing the stair, of course." She just answers giggling. "Come on, you should do the same."

"Why?" I ask. It's not like I totally dislike the idea but I think I'd look like a fool or someone who hasn't been able to get over their childhood. Anna doesn't answer though; she just stays still at the top of the stair looking to the horizon and for a moment I'm worried, but then she speaks.

"Elsa, come on! You have to see this!" She exclaims turning to look at me. "The view! It's amazing!"

"We're in a park. What's amazing about that?" I raise an eyebrow and she rolls her eyes.

"Why don't you come here and see by yourself?"

"I think I'll just stay here until you stop acting like some over-exited child."

Gosh, her behavior is so annoying. Why can't she act the age she is?

Oh come on, just because you act like an adult since you were twelve doesn't mean she can't have some fun! Besides, it's actually endearing… and funny.

"Well, if you don't come by yourself, I'm afraid I'll have to go down there and make you climb." She giggles and slides down at full speed to them run towards me with a huge smile. "So, are you doing it willingly or do I have to force you?"

Sorry, I'm not climbing that thing. It'd be childish, bored and tiring, so no thank you.

I cast a bored look at her and then at the slide, only to then shake my head, hoping to make the message clear with this, but she pouts and gives me a stubborn gaze, holding my stare until I have to give up, realizing it's useless to put resistance or to argue with the redhead.

Not that I mind though. I'm glad she's gonna make you have some fun for once.

It won't be funny.

I sigh in defeat and exclaim with a tone of resignation:

"Fine! I'll go."

"Great!" She jumps with a happy smile and I roll my eyes at her exaggerated enthusiasm to then start climbing, while she does so right after me. "Wait for me up there!" She says when I arrive to the top.

"It's too small for both of us." I notice. I barely fit here standing!

"I know." She answers as she reaches the top of the stairs. "Sit down just at the verge of the slide, with your legs on it." I turn to see her, confused. Why'd she want me to do that? Is she gonna push me or something as pay back of what I did earlier? "Relax, I won't push you, I just wanna try something." She says, noticing my distrust.

I hesitate. It's true that Anna hasn't been nothing but good to me during this past week, but… there are months of humiliation, insults and betrayal from her part stopping me from completely trusting her. I'd like to, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but the truth is… I don't want to get hurt again. I don't think I could manage one more betrayal… I'd feel so much fury that I'd destroy her and then… then that'd destroy me.

"Please Elsa." Anna begs with a desperate expression. "I know this is difficult for you, and I know I don't deserve your trust but… If you just gave me a chance to prove you I've changed, or at least am changing, that you can trust me, that I'll never betray you again… otherwise you'll be alone, even if I'm with you." I look down, considering what she just said.

Maybe you should listen. She's right; if you don't give her a chance you'll never know if she's being honest with you. Sometimes you need to fall in order to fly. It's a little leap of faith.

Yes, but…

Besides, what's the worse she could do? Push you? So what? Are you afraid of slides? It'd be totally harmless.

But I don't understand. Why do I have to do this? To trust Anna? I don't need to…

Because every relationship is based on trust. If you don't trust her it'd be like hanging around with the enemy and she'll never be able to help you.

I don't want to be helped. I want to die.

Do you? Or are you just too coward to face reality?

After having a debate in my head, I come to a decision, so when Anna speaks again, the choice has been made.

"Please, just…"

"Okay." I say softly and do as she told me, almost trembling on fear and anticipation, because of the uncertainty I feel. But I don't chicken out.

Then, Anna climbs the last steps and sits right behind me. I close my eyes in anticipation, fearing the worst, but she just puts her legs around mine, while she also hugs my waist from behind. All this physical contact is too foreign for me, not having been hugged in one week (and it doesn't help that I'm a little jumpy because of the fear of betrayal), so I automatically flinch and try to escape from the embrace, but the only escape route right now is forward, down the slide, so I manage to keep myself still, realizing I could fall.

"Anna what are you…?"

"Relax." She says with a soothing tone, placing her chin on my shoulder, which also makes me want to run away; It's too much contact for me. "I figured you needed a hug; they say it's good for depression." She pauses, taking a deep breath. "And look at the horizon. Sunsets are one of the most relaxing scenarios I know. They give me a sense of calm, stability, because they're the last sunrays before the world is enveloped in darkness and people go to sleep. They tell you the day is over and you have to move on. If you did something good, they tell you you can rest now and celebrate your accomplishment. If you failed or did something bad, they tell you there's always tomorrow to try again."

I look at the sunset, trying to understand what she said. She said they give her a sense of calm… because they are the end of the day? The closing event? Because you can leave that day behind whether you did it good or not? It seems odd to me. I mean, the day may have ended, but there's always the day after and your actions have repercussions on your future.

True, but with the future come new opportunities to do it right if you screwed it up. Like now. You almost killed Anna today, but you can make it up for her tomorrow or the day after, or the day after that… that's what's beautiful about sunsets.

I don't know why, but this words actually give me hope and, without realizing, I find myself relaxing in Anna's embrace, really looking at the sunset for the first time since I came up here. It's beautiful, all that orange and yellow light that's not bright enough to hurt but that doesn't suffice to light up things, all that warmth that makes you feel not so cold (so dead) inside… it's perfect. And Anna is right; it's also calming, comforting… but… There's something keeping me from enjoying it completely.

"I… never saw it that way." I tell Anna, softly. "Sunsets always gave me a feeling of… melancholy." I pause hesitating a moment before continuing, deciding I have to let it out of my chest. "My brother used to say sunsets are a portal that connect us to the ones we lost. Whether they died or left…"

Like my mother, like Jack, like my father… like every person I met in Norway.

I take a deep breath, trying to dissipate the pain I feel as I continue.

"I don't know if it's true. I just know that… they make me feel like I lost something." I swallow, noticing the knot on my throat and that I'm suddenly at the verge of tears; it just hurts so much having lost too many things throughout my life… but Anna's voice saves me from crying.

"Sometimes we have to leave things on our way." She says softly with certain tone of nostalgia. "Whether they are people or experiences, opportunities… we have to do it to move forward. Otherwise, we become stagnant. It hurts, and we miss them… sometimes we repent but… that's what the sunset is about; we may have left one day behind to submerge into darkness, but there'll always be a sunrise."

There'll always be a sunrise. Those words hit me like a tsunami. I thought I had lost hope, but… the little spark I had within my chest took this as a fuel and lightened up like a huge and sudden blaze. It's so warm and bright that it blinds me, it scares me, and I want to kill it or just run away… but as a part of me does so, another approaches it, encouraged by Anna's comforting touch and the calming view of the sun slowly going down on the horizon. I try to resist, but I feel like I'm falling and then…

I close my eyes and when I open them again the world is much brighter than before. Nothing has really changed; the park is still abandoned, the neighborhood is still old, the threes are still black… the pain on my chest isn't even a bit smaller and yet… I can't explain it, but life doesn't seem so pointless anymore, I don't feel so hopeless… I feel…. like myself. I am not some faceless monster now; I'm Elsa. I've found myself again.

Suddenly I notice some wetness coating my face and I realize I'm crying, but those are not bitter tears, sad and desperate as always. Those are tears of relief.

I'm so relieved that I can't help it when I turn around and wrap my arms around Anna's neck tightly, surprised to see how good a hug can truly be. How it really helps scaring the bad feelings away.

I'm so engrossed enjoying the moment that I almost don't notice when we start falling down the slide. Fast. Actually we go so fast that I end up falling with my back at the cold snow with Anna on top of me.

"Ooof!" I exclaim as the air is knocked out of my lungs.

"S-sorry." She says, trying to get up and falling again because of the slippery ground. She is about to try it again but I know she'll fail so I stop her, grabbing her arms.

"It's okay." I give her a tiny smile of reassurance. "It was time to go home anyways." I add as I see the dark night sky. "Help me up."

"Of course." She answers and, more carefully this time, tries to stand up, taking my hands and pulling me up, however, the momentum make us stagger a little before I grab firmly her arms and both of us regain balance. Then, we step into a drier spot and start walking towards the road as I wipe the remaining of my tears.

It was an interesting adventure, I have to admit. It was good that she took me to the park. Now even my steps feel lighter, like I've got some weight off of my shoulders.

We soon get out of the park and, after walking a few blocks, arrive to my house, where I turn to say goodbye to Anna.

"That was… fun." I say, looking at the ground shyly.

"The slide thing?" She asks.

"The fact that you suddenly became a poet looking at the sunset." I tease.

Anna laughs as a small blush coats her cheeks in a very endearing manner. I think she could be really sweet if she tried.

"Yeah… I'm normally pretty bad at metaphors."

"I've noticed." I answer remembering how she didn't get the meaning of poems during English class, and fighting a growing beam that threatens to appear on my face.

"Well… see you tomorrow then." She says tending me her hand. I look at it for a moment before taking it.

"I must admit this little idea of yours exceeded my expectations." I say, though I use a polite tone to hide the fact that it was something very amazing a reveling for me; I don't want her to know just yet… unless until I figure out exactly what happened. She rolls her eyes. "Thank you." I add giving her a thankful smile and then I release her hand and turn around to enter my house.

You think she made you a great favor taking you there and saying beautiful things to you while watching the sunset, but you are a monster and you know it! You'd be better dead.

Maybe you're right, you are a monster. But I am not. And I'm in charge now. And I'm not sure I want to die anymore. I have hope that things will get better.