Chapter 15: The stray dog.

It's been a week since Anna took me out to the park, and I've been feeling a lot better… Well, not really, but at least I feel more like myself; I'm more aware of things, my senses aren't numb anymore, the emotions are stronger, more intense, but… it's both a blessing and a curse. The pain is also more real, more intense. And so is the sadness and despair. But also the happiness and joy.

I'm gonna be honest, the first few days it all overwhelmed me. It was too much and I had some kind of relapse; I started crying because something triggered a painful memory and suddenly I has clutching my heart, gasping for air. Then, she took control one more time. You know, the other Elsa. And she hit me, she hurt me, she punished me, she made me suffer and she fed off that. The next days we kept fighting and sometimes she'd win… but then I remembered what my father told me, the words I had promised myself I'd never say again: Conceal, don't feel.

It was the perfect solution; to conceal the other Elsa, to not feel the pain. Even though this war is killing me.

I'm emotionally exhausted, but I don't let it show. I knew Kai, Gerda and, most of all, Anna, had been waiting for progress a long time, and that my relapses disappointed them, so now I procure to feel happy, to show them I'm almost completely cured, that I have the other Elsa under control… even if it's not completely true, I must do it, if I don't want them to get tired of me.

Anyways. Yesterday Anna told me she wouldn't be coming today because she has homework, and I said it was fine, after all, I can't ask her to sacrifice her school life for me. Besides, I still had Gerda and Kai to make me company… or so I thought, until they received a call early this morning. A call from their son.

It turned out, he'd came to the city yesterday because of his job, and he would be leaving tomorrow, so he asked them to meet him at his hotel so they could spend the day together. After all, it's been more than a year since the last time they saw each other. However, there was a problem, and that problem was me.

Gerda didn't want to leave me alone, fearing that I'd try to commit suicide again if they did, but she didn't want to miss an opportunity to see her son either. Kai offered himself to stay and take care of me, but I knew he didn't want to. I assured them I was fine, even though an irrational part of me was extremely anxious and afraid of being left alone, perhaps forever. What if they suffered a car accident? What if their son was sick and they needed to go take care of him? What if they finally realized I wasn't really their daughter, that I'd never be, and they decided to better go with their real son to New York? There were too many possibilities, and I didn't like any of them, even if I knew it was the other Elsa whispering things into my ear hoping I lost control.

Fortunately I was able to conceal it, or they wouldn't have left. Of course, first they called Anna a thousand times (Unsuccessfully) and then offered to bring me with them, but I assured them I was fine and eventually they agreed to leave me alone as long as I sent Kai a message at least every two hours. Then, they left… and I couldn't keep my feelings in anymore.

I didn't exactly know why, but I had a strong sensation of loneliness. I felt abandoned, alone. I felt pain and sadness. And fear. It was just like when I came first to this country, and deep down I knew it was a rather exaggerated response, but I could do nothing to contain my tears or to keep my hands from taking that knife and perforating the skin of my arm. It wasn't deep, and only a few drops of blood got out, but I still felt horrible about myself. However, the other Elsa was in control now, and she felt relief when the crimson liquid dripped down my arm. She was punishing me for crying, for being weak. For being a burden.

Fortunately, I was able to regain control and stop her just when she was about to make another perforation. But the damage was done, and I'm not talking about the physical damage; it was only a scratch, I'm talking about the other Elsa being stronger… or rather, I being weaker. Fighting against her left me drained, with almost no energy, and I had to go to bed and sleep for a while. Sleep always helps.

I remained asleep until the bell rang.

I wake up and go to wash my face first, hoping to erase all traces of having been crying, before answering the door. To my surprise, it's Anna, and I feel utter relief and happiness when I look at her bright smile and innocent gaze. She came to save me from my loneliness.

She suddenly pulls me in for a hug and I smile as I hug her back. I really needed that; it helps me forget about the painful thoughts I was having just a while ago.

As she pulls back and stare at my eyes, I greet her with the most sincere smile I can muster, even though I'm still conscious of the pain that hasn't completely disappeared.

"Hi." I say. "I thought you wouldn't come."

It's a very nice surprise.

"I can leave if you want." She says and suddenly I panic, thinking she took bad what I said. I don't feel good enough to be left by myself; she could take control and make me do something I'd regret.

"No!" I scream. "Please, don't leave me." I plead, almost at the edge of tears, which, again, in the back of my mind I know is an exaggerated reaction, but I can't help it; I'm so scared.

You are pathetic, you're weak. If she wasn't going to leave, now she surely will.

"It's okay." Anna efficiently shuts the other Elsa's mouth when she takes my hands. "I was kidding." I swallow and nod, now feeling stupid. Of course it was a joke, why couldn't I see it?

Because you're socially inept, that's why. You will never be able to properly interact with other human beings.

"Where's Gerda?" Anna suddenly asks, making me remember the reason I was feeling a little down before she came, and the pain returns full force.

"She and Kai went to see their son…" I sigh. "Apparently he came to visit them and is only here for today."

"… that was irresponsible."

"I'm fine being alone." I retort feeling offended, but I know she's right; I haven't been alone more than a couple of hours and I have already had a break down and cut myself. But still, I couldn't have asked them to stay; that would've been selfish. "And they deserve to live their lives." I add, trying to convince myself as well as Anna, but it obviously doesn't work.

"Right." I know she doesn't agree with me, but decides to drop the subject, which is a good thing, or else I would've had another break down. "Well, then I guess we have the rest of the day for ourselves." She says cheerily, and I can't help it when I find myself smiling back despite the pain.

"Do you have something in mind?" I ask, trying to forget about everything but this beautiful girl who is willing to spend her precious time with someone like me.

"Well… I was hoping you would come with me to the museum. It's not very large, and I thought you may be interested? And then we could go to have dinner in a restaurant nearby."

A restaurant? It almost seems like a date.

A date? Right. Why would someone take you out on a date? Besides, the main thing you'll do is go to the museum, obviously because some teacher sent Anna there but she didn't deem safe to leave you alone. There's nothing romantic about that; she's just babysitting you.

Shut up. No matter which are her reasons, I will enjoy all the time I'm allowed to spend with her.

"Sounds good." I answer procuring not to show my inner turmoil. "Let me go find my sweater.

It's a sunny day, will you put on your sweater just to conceal your wounds?

I hate the mocking tone the other Elsa is using, but I still run upstairs, take my t-shirt off and put on a white shirt and my sweater, that way my new wounds and my scars can't be seen. After sending Kai a message telling him that I'm going out with Anna, I descend, close the door and follow Anna through the street.

The museum isn't big but the design and architecture are quite interesting, since it's placed inside an ancient building near our school. I've already been here once, when the history teacher asked us to do an essay about it (It was a lot more crowded then, though), and I haven't thought much of it since then, but I have a feeling that I'll never see this place the same way again after today.

It's a history museum, containing several objects that date from before the Middle Ages (Greeks, Romans, etc.) to present day, and Anna starts looking at the expositions in chronological order. I follow close behind, sometimes watching the pieces but most of the time looking at her. I find her fascinating, maybe because I have never seen her so concentrated and serious, going from one object to another, until she stays still looking at a miniature model of the Parthenon for too long and her expression tells me she's not in this room anymore.

"What are you thinking?" I ask.

"N-nothing." She says as she turns to look at me and I notice a beautiful blush adorning her cheeks. "I was just thinking how amazing you are." Her words take me aback. Amazing? Me? Why was she even thinking about me? Her blush becomes more intense before she explains herself. "I-I didn't… mean… that." My heart hurts at her words because, unwillingly, a certain hope had been rising between me that she really thinks I'm amazing. Because I need someone to tell me that I'm not the worst human being in history. "I mean… I did, but…" She tries to correct herself, obviously nothing how down casted I suddenly became, but I know anything she says now will be a lie destined to comfort me.

"I'm not amazing, I know." I cut her before she gives me false hope again. "You couldn't have meant that." Suddenly, I know I'm not in control anymore; I didn't say that, it was the other Elsa. She hurt me. She is hurting me right now.

That's right, you're horrible, you're the exact opposite of amazing. You're ugly, you're…

"I did." Anna lies again trying to take my hand but I pull it away because it doesn't seem right at this moment.

"No… you didn't." As I say it again, I convince myself even more that it's true, I feel her trying to take control of me once again. And she's succeeding, even though my best efforts to push her back. Right now, I can't tell who is who, after all, we're the same person. We have the same voice.

"Yes, I did." Anna blatantly lies to my face again and, even if I know it's with good intention, this makes me lose control.

"No, you didn't!" I scream, and my voice echoes trough the room, but I don't care as I start sobbing uncontrollably and tears start falling through my cheeks. But in that moment, just when the urge to hurt myself is overwhelming, Anna takes my shoulders and makes me face her.

"Elsa, look at me." She commands and fortunately a part of me has enough presence of mind to obey. "I didn't mean to say out loud that you are amazing, but I do think so." I search for any hint of doubt or hesitation in her eyes, any sign that she's lying, but I just find sincerity, and this leaves me so perplexed that I can't bring myself to even think. "I mean… you are as beautiful as Aphrodite, as wise as Athena, as strong as Hercules and as gentle as…" She makes a thoughtful face, like she doesn't know what to say next. "As gentle as… uh… yourself?" As gentle as myself? What kind of compliment is that? Still, her words almost make an amused smile appear on my face, if not for the pain, result of my self-loathing, that I'm still feeling. "The point is…" She continues. "That I really think you're awesome, I've never met someone as perfect as you, and I feel honored to be right now by your side."

"But… I'm not perfect." I protest trying to wipe her tears with my sleeve. However, a part of me wishes to be contradicted. "My skin is too pale, my hair is too white and my eyes are… unnatural." I feel intense pain on my chest just before the awful remarks start flowing inside my head like a torrent.

I must be the ugliest girl in the entire planet. No, the ugliest human, or rather, the ugliest creature. I don't understand how Anna can even bear to be seen with someone like me.

Now I don't know if I want to start crying like there's no tomorrow or hit myself against the wall as punishment for not being beautiful, but fortunately, Anna's voice keeps me from doing either.

"Well yes, but I like those parts of you." She retorts with a gentle voice like no other, and suddenly I feel unworthy of such gentleness and almost wish she starts bulling me again, telling me how inferior I am. However, she doesn't. "Your looks are certainly different, but they're a good different." She gives me the most precious smile, and I get desperate trying to make her see again my horrendous true self.

"And I'm not as smart as you say." I protest. "I'm doing poorly at school." That's something no one can deny.

"Only because you are depressed." She sighs, saying this as if were her fault when truly it's mine. I should've been stronger. "As far as I know, you only ever got perfect grades before this year."

Well… she's right. Maybe you don't have perfect notes right now, but you're certainly not stupid.

Not stupid?! Remember what father said; if you're not perfect, you're mediocre, there's no gray zone. If you're not wise, you're stupid.

That's stupid.

How dare you?!

"… Alright." I say, wanting to drop the subject before the voices in my head give me a headache. "Let's assume I'm beautiful and smart for a moment, even though I'm not…" Anna rolls her eyes, but I still continue. "I'm still depressed, broken, complicated… I-I even tried to kill you. You can't argue with that." That's my strongest argument, and it's so final that a new wave of pain crushes my heart knowing Anna can't say anything against it; she can't reassure me, she can't fix my damaged self-esteem.

"Yes. That's true." She admits and I almost feel like throwing myself to the nearest train rails for a second. "But you know what?" When she says this, a new ray of hope surges within me, wishing that, against all odds, she will prove that I can be amazing, at least in her eyes. That'd be more than enough for me. "You had every right to feel sad, to feel like there's no hope, to feel angry, frustrated… and yet here you are; trying to get better, to be better, even though a lot of people would've given up a long time ago." She pauses to give me a smile and I'm left perplexed. "You're strong. That's what I admire of you." She completely changed the perspective, coming from my description of someone weak, pitiable and dangerous that no one would want to have around, to someone strong and admirable. Someone I never thought myself to be.

Suddenly a torrent of tears start coming from my eyes before I can stop them, because I'm so grateful. She made me see myself not from the perspective of someone who hates me and despises me, but from someone who actually cares about me and likes my company. No one ever had done something like this for me, except perhaps my brother, and I had almost forgotten what it is like. I had started despising and hating myself. But now, at this very moment, I've finally started looking at myself with good eyes.

"Thank you." I say as I hug her, really grateful of what she's done for me, and she hugs me back. The moment is just perfect.

After I calmed down and assured Anna that I was fine and we didn't have to cancel our trip to the museum and go back to my rather depressive house, we kept walking. Of course, there were still some negative thoughts and emotions trying to take control over me, but at least they hadn't regrouped in a single voice inside my head and so, weren't as strong, which meant I was able to somewhat enjoy the visit.

A particular section in the Renaissance room caught my attention; a collection of drawings made by Leonardo Da Vinci. They were just sketches made quickly with pencil, some of machines that never came to reality, and some of very ugly people that made me truly believe I was extremely beautiful. I've always liked his work. Every individual trace is just where it's supposed to be, harmonizing perfectly with the others to create the most flawless drawings. I particularly like his sketches of machines, because of how much imagination and science he should've applied on them. They remember me about the times I wanted to be an engineer and make powerful robots or breathtaking flying machines. Then, when I read about the romans and their magnificent constructions, I had started wanting to be an architect and make the most beautiful buildings the world has seen, and be remembered for eternity…

But there's no point building castles in the sky (Pun intended). I'll never be more than a businesswoman and take my father's place as CEO of his company. That is, if he still considers me his daughter.

Suddenly, Anna's voice interrupts my thoughts about the future.

"Hey Elsa." I turn around to look at her, a few feet away from me in the Modern era section. "You have to see this." She enthusiastically points to a portrait of a woman that's almost identical to me (seriously, the resembling is almost scary), except that she's wearing a teal dress, a magenta cape and a golden tiara. I know why she wants me to see it, but I still decide to play a little with her (just because I'm in the mood and I love hearing her laugh), so I conceal my awe, approach to said portrait and read out loud the inscription beneath it.

"Queen Astrid Olafsdottir. Norway. 1819-1878." I should've known it; she's from Norway, just like me. That explains the resemblance. I still decide to keep playing dumb and put a thoughtful expression before turning to look at Anna. "What about her?" I ask.

"Don't you see it? She's identical to you!" She exclaims. I internally smile before adopting the same posture the queen has and, using my Ice Queen voice, answer.

"Anna… she's from Norway; even at that time, it wasn't rare to find blonde, blue-eyed people in my natal country." Anna, of course, raises an eyebrow at my (I hope) believable impression of the queen, and I can't help it when I start giggling with my hand covering my mouth. "Alright." I say. "You caught me. I'm a queen from the XIX century who somehow managed to travel in time just to meet you." My words have the desired effect: Anna blushes adorably and gives me a wonderful and sweet smile that, for some reason, almost makes my heart stop. Then, I see a hint of mischievousness on eyes.

"Oh, really? And what's so special about me?" She says approaching to me with a certain sway of her hips I've never seen before. "Your majesty?" She adds touching lightly my arm. I look down to her hand and gulp. Suddenly my hands are sweating and my stomach is turning, but it's not an unpleasant sensation. I know I'm nervous, extremely nervous, but it's a good nervous.

I thought I was over my crush on Anna.

"Uh… I-I…" I take a step back clumsily before deciding it's safer to keep pretending I am a queen and resuming my regal posture and looking at Anna with the most serious expression I can make. I clear my throat and continue with my best queenly voice, trying to give this game a more innocent (and safer) turn. "I was sent to find the lost princess."

"Oh." She pauses. "So we're like… sisters?" She gives me a confused gaze.

"Exactly." I smile, but then I see her frown. "You don't seem to be very happy about it." I comment, worried that I said something I shouldn't.

"Uhm… No." She makes a face of disgust. "I don't want to be your sister."

"Oh." I feel like she just stabbed me in the heart, but I conceal it before she thinks less of me. "But then you wouldn't be princess." I hope that at this, she'll stop rejecting a closer relationship with me… as sisters, of course. In this little game.

"I can be princess consort. " She retorts, giving me a flirtatious smile. I keep staring at her for more than five seconds before finally processing what she just said.

"P-princess consort?" I exclaim, wondering if I'm interpreting this correctly and not sure what to think about it if I am.

"Yeah, you know… the consort of the quee… the consort of the prince! "She explains herself. "Yep, your younger brother. I bet he'd be as gorgeous as you." She puts her hands on her mouth and blush. It takes me a moment to realize what she meant; she'd marry my brother if I had one because she thinks he'd be as gorgeous as me. Even when I'm not gorgeous I still find her words very sweet and endearing… But I still feel somewhat disappointed?

Before I can start wondering why I feel disappointed, her embarrassed voice, muffled by her hands still on her mouth, draws my attention.

"Earth, please, swallow me."

Her face is so red, her expression so embarrassed and her overall posture so funny, I can't help it when I burst laughing as I've never done before. I'm pretty sure this didn't merit such a spontaneous show of amusement, but I can't contain myself. Maybe I'm doing it because I'm relieved that she wasn't trying to flirt with me because I currently don't feel emotionally prepared for that kind of relationship. Or maybe I'm doing it just because I can. Just this morning, I was so overwhelmed by grief and worry that laughing seemed something ridiculously impossible, but now, thanks to Anna, I'm able to laugh again, and but it just feels wonderful.

After a few minutes I am almost out of breath, and finally the laughter recedes and I'm able to look at Anna, just to find her lying on the floor, clutching her sides and having a laugh-attack. It almost make me want to keep laughing, but I control my giggles (with great difficulty) and offer her a hand to help her up saying:

"Well, I'm sorry. I don't have a younger brother, so you can't be princess consort." I give her my best apologetic look. She takes my hand and gets up, her laughter finally dying, but a bright smile remaining on her face.

"Well, then I guess I'll be a knight in shining armor." She retorts. "Saving princesses, slaying ferocious beasts and protecting my beautiful Queen." She winks, and my heart skips a beat as a wonderful sensation of warmth extends through my body. However, I'm not able to enjoy it for long.

Having feelings you shouldn't have again, Elsa?

I feel a chill running down my spine. She's back.

Remember what father said; it's unnatural, it's monstrous, you'll go to hell for it. You're not better than a serial killer or a burglar; this is a crime to humanity.

But I don't…

You can't lie to me! We're the same person.

In that moment I wish that Anna, my brave knight, could get inside my head and slay down the other Elsa, but I know she can't. I feel so vulnerable, I need protection.

"Even from herself?" I ask, even if I know it's a stupid question.

"Specially from herself." Anna answers taking my hands between hers and giving me a reassuring smile that I hesitantly return. I thought she'd call me crazy, but apparently she's really trying to help me. She's truly a brave knight. "I'll be here for you, don't worry." She assures me. "Until you don't need me anymore."

Those words are like a stab to my severely damaged heart, because they say an ugly truth: she'll be with me until I get better, then, she'll leave me and I'll be on my own again. And I already knew that, if I don't ever get better, she'll get tired of me and leave anyways, so there's not really an alternative; I'll end up losing Anna, sooner or later.

Sooner or later, I'll be alone again. Everyone will abandon me.

"Let's continue." I say and walk away, not daring to look at Anna. I can't bear seeing her now that I know our break up is fast approaching.

I keep quiet the rest of the time we're in the museum, but she doesn't, and by 'she' I don't mean Anna. The other Elsa tries to take over again, and she keeps saying horrible things about me to the point that I start to believe they're my ideas. I try to fight, but I'm exhausted. It's only a matter of time.

I'm so immersed on the battle inside my head that I almost don't notice when, following Anna, I've arrived to a small garden and I'm now walking on grass instead of the stone floor. I see Anna sit down on a bench in front of a fountain and I follow suit. I know I should say something but I don't have enough will power to do it. I'm too busy keeping her on check.

"So… What did you think?" Anna asks, obviously trying to break the awkward silence, but I'm really not in the mood to do small talk.

"Nothing." I shrug. "It was like every other museum."

"Uhm… the weather is very nice, right?" Another pathetic attempt to make me speak.

"… I guess." I say feeling bad because I know she's just trying to be nice, but I can't help it. The prospect of losing her ruined the whole day for me.

Suddenly she stands up and I'm afraid she'll leave, but then I see she's searching for something behind a bush and let out a relieved sigh.

Why are you so relieved? She's not leaving now, but she will leave soon, this time forever. You'll never see her again.

That's not true. I will still see her at school… from the distance.

You will be apart. She won't be your friend. She won't even speak to you.

I feel a pang of pain starting in my heart and quickly spreading through my whole body, crushing every last bit of hope and happiness I had and, slowly, I start agreeing with her. It's too painful for it's the reality of my future.

A future you don't have to live.

Is there an alternative?

Death.

The thought is so final and disturbing that I find myself shivering in fear, recoiling from that voice, wanting to run away from her. I don't want to die. Really, I don't. Life's worth living, Anna showed me that… Anna, with whom I won't be anymore. Is a life without Anna worth living?

It's not.

Stop! You're not helping. I hate you!

"Hey Elsa!" I look up to find the beaming face of the girl I was just thinking about. "Look what I found." She shows me a German shepherd puppy covered by leaves and mud and panting. This successfully distracts me from my dark thoughts.

"A… dog?" I frown. Last time I checked, dogs weren't allowed inside the museum. "What is a dog doing here?"

"He must be lost." She shrugs and then checks for a name plate, but it only has a collar. "What do you think we should do with him?" She smiles and rubs affectionately his head.

In that moment, a sudden wave of negative emotions floods my mind against my will and takes control. I don't even know where it came from, but I can't do anything about it. My mouth speaks at its own accord.

"Kill him."

"W-what?" Anna's face is now pale, looking at me with horrified eyes. I want to explain to her that it's not really me talking, but when she speaks again, the pain is so real that I'm literally immobilized.

"We should kill him." She repeats louder, looking up into the puppy's innocent eyes. "That way he won't have to suffer this… life." I feel my eyes burning with contained tears and my heart breaking. I feel her suffering.

Anna sits down at my side and places the pup down, to then face the broken me. The part of me I wished she would never see again. The part of me that will disgust her and make her leave.

This is when she'll reject me.

"Elsa… what are you talking about?" She says, obviously disgusted for what she just said. "Why do you say such terrible things? Life is worth living, it's…"

"No!" She suddenly screams, even though I wanted to just hear her explanation and be comforted. This obviously makes Anna back away a little before the other Elsa continues. "No, it is not! It must seem like it sometimes, but the happy days… are just there to tease us, to make the suffering much more unbearable since you now know there is something better. But life is just suffering." Now the tears are falling freely down my cheeks and my throat feels swollen. "That puppy…" She points at him, who was now trying to catch a bee. "He seems happy now, he surely has someone who takes care of him, who apparently loves him… But you know what?" She turns to see Anna. "If he does something his owner doesn't like… o-or if his owner suddenly discovers he's something he shouldn't be… he'll be out on the streets all of a sudden, alone, at the mercy of bad people who don't care about him at all, who may try to hurt him just for fun, who'll watch him suffer and do nothing about it…" Her pain when she says all this is just too real, and too familiar. I recognize this pain, the pain I felt when my brother died, when my father didn't care about me, but most of all, the pain I felt when I came to this country. When I was just a stray and lonely puppy.

… Wait a minute. The pain I felt? My pain?

"That could happen." Anna answers before I can dwell on the thought too much. "But even if it did, maybe he could find a home somewhere else, with people who actually love him and try to help him. They'll heal his injuries, help him forget his hurtful past… Take care of him." She's trying to reassure her, but I know it's useless. The other Elsa won't listen; she doesn't appreciate Anna as I do.

"M-maybe." She says hesitantly. To my surprise, Anna's words are having an effect on her. But still, her sorrow and fear are way too strong and she keeps talking. "But then they'd realize he's too damaged to be healed, that he's just a burden that's keeping them from living their lives, that he'll never be the perfect puppy he always has to be." A strong sob interrupts her, and she feels hopeless because she knows that she can't be good enough, that she has to disappear. I feel her resentment and it's directed towards me, because I've never accepted her. Because I chose to deny she was a part of me. Because I left her too. "And when that happens, he'll be alone again, and he won't be able to go on anymore, because he loved them so much… and they left him again. And it wasn't even their fault. It was his. He wasn't good enough to be loved." The other Elsa breaks down crying hysterically.

In that moment I realize something life-changing. When she first started talking about the puppy, I thought she was actually talking about me, but now I know she was talking about herself. And yet… she was still talking about me, or rather, I was talking about myself. Her suffering is my suffering, her pain is my pain, her thoughts are my thoughts. As well as my happiness is also hers, so is my will to live and my feelings for Anna, because she's part of me, we're the same person. I just chose to pretend that part of me didn't exist, but it was still there saying what I thought but didn't want to accept as my own thoughts. Eventually that part took over, but only because, by ignoring it, I made her stronger, until she was so powerful I started to call it the 'other Elsa', as if it were another person, separated from me, when she wasn't, and by doing this, I just gave her (gave me) more pain, because, if not even I can love the most damaged part of myself, who could?

Just in that moment Anna starts crying and hugs me tightly as she whispers to my ear:

"I don't care if you're not perfect. So what? Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper." She tries to control her sobs enough to speak. "Yes, you've been hurt, you're broken to the point that a full recovery doesn't seem possible… But I'll be there to help you get better. I'll heal the wounds I can heal, and comfort you when you suffer from the ones I can't. You'll be left with scars, a lot of scars that will mar your otherwise beautiful heart… a-and maybe sometimes it'll seem like it's too much, that you can't live like that anymore. But I'll be there… always. You won't be alone."

The other Elsa doesn't say anything. This is clearly not the reaction she was expecting. Someone is finally accepting her just as she is, with flaws and all; weak and broken, and for the first time, she feels happiness. She is so grateful that she hugs Anna with all the strength she can muster and, for once, it seems like the wounds of her heart are finally healing. Deep down she knows that she'll always feel pain, that the horrors of her past will haunt her until the day she dies, but that's what makes the good days worth it, after all. And, as long as she has Anna by her side, she knows there will be lots of good days.

The moment is so beautiful that I start crying bittersweet tears that meld with the other Elsa's tears of relief and sorrow. I'm glad there's someone who finally accepted her, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to do the same. I hope that in the future we'll be together again of course, but I don't know if that's possible now, after all we've been through.

However, despite all my doubts, in that moment there's not much difference between us, since we're both feeling the same. We're both happy and relieved that Anna won't leave, that she has accept that part of me that's broken, and we know she's being completely honest, more so when she says with the most sweet tone I've ever heard:

"I love you."

And it just feels so right, so natural, that my sobs turn into laughter and I melt in her, relishing her touch, her closeness. I don't know if she meant it as friends or as something more, but I don't care; love is love, and I'm happy with what I can get.

However, the warmth she's transmitting me is so delicious, and her body so comfortable that my tired body leans in and my heavy eyelids start to shut, as the other Elsa and I, both incredibly exhausted, decide we need some rest and let the slumber take over.