Chapter 23: The trial – part 2.

"Tell me, why did you kill your brother?" The lawyer's words pierce my heart, making me remember all the times my father asked me the same thing, sometimes collected but cold, and others screaming at me in anger... However, he'd never let me explain to him how it had really happened. Now it was my chance, but I couldn't do it. Something was holding me back, making me open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. I have to remind myself to take even breathes and try not to hyperventilate.

Unconsciously, I turn to look at my father's piercing grey eyes, and the hatred I see in them leaves me even more paralyzed.

"Objection!" Mr. Gunnarson interferes. "The question is formulated as if Ms. Frost had killed her brother, when there's no evidence about that. Furthermore, that's not what we're discussing today." To my relief, the judge nods at his words.

"Mr. Gunnarson is right. Mr. Vargson, please reformulate your question."

"Alright then." The lawyer agrees like it was not a big deal. "Ms. Frost, did you kill your brother?" He asks instead. This time, thanks to the distraction my lawyer and the judge have provided me, I am able to stutter an answer.

"I-I didn't…" I swallow, trying to keep my voice from shaking, but apparently I can't; it must be a side effect of my almost-panic-attack earlier. "I-It was an a-accident."

"So you're saying that you did kill him, just not intentionally?" He insisted.

"N-no I-I…" I try to clarify my answer, but then suddenly I hear the Other Elsa's voice, clear and loud in my head.

You didn't kill him? Really? If not for you he'd still be alive.

But… the lake, the ice… It wasn't my fault!

Who asked him to go to the lake? You. Who skated to the center of the lake even though it was dangerous? You. And who ran away instead of trying to save him? That's right, you did. You killed him. You… are a monster.

I… am a monster?

Suddenly I fell a hot liquid running down my cheeks, and I know it's because I'm crying. Again. I can't breathe and I'm shaking, and all I want is to find a place to hide, curl up and escape from the Other Elsa, and from the world, especially when Mr. Vargson asks another question.

"You said you are a monster? Why? Are you admitting you willingly murdered him? Because you wanted to be the heir, perhaps?"

In that moment I realize I was talking out loud, at least the last part, and that all is probably going to be worse for me now. They'll never give me the emancipation. I'll never get my inheritance. I'll probably be locked in some mental hospital or thrown in jail. I'll never see Anna again, I…

I can't breathe. I'm gasping for air. My heart is racing inside my chest at a thousand miles per hour. I can hear it in my ears, actually, it's the only thing I can hear. My vision starts to fade. There are black spots. I'm going to pass out. Oh god, I hope I don't wake up in some room full of cushions wearing a straitjacket.

Turns out, when I wake up I'm lying on the hotel bed and wearing my nightgown, and for a moment I think maybe all of this was a nightmare. But no, the sunset is filtering through the curtains, and the clothes I used for the trial are lying beside my bed, not neatly folded inside my suitcase. Plus, my eyes ache like I cried too much, and my throat feels sore, probably for the same reason. I feel so exhausted; all my muscles hurt.

"Elsa?" I hear Anna's voice coming from my back, so I roll to face her. She's sitting on a chair next to my bed and she looks worried, but at the same time glad that I'm awake. "You finally woke up." She says with a tiny smile.

"Yeah…" I try to answer, but I'm interrupted by an attack of coughs. My throat is too dry for me to speak.

"Oh! Wait, I'll bring you some water." She exclaims before getting up and running to the little kitchen, reappearing a moment later with a glass of water in her hands. I take it carefully before taking a few sips and alleviating a little the pain in my throat. Once that's sorted out, I give her the empty glass and smile at her in thanks. "How are you feeling?" She asks.

"Awful." I answer, because really, I doubt I look a lot better than I feel, so there's no point on lying. "What happened after I passed out?"

"Not much." Anna shrugged. "The judge realized we probably wouldn't be able to continue with the trial today, so he postponed the rest of it to tomorrow. Oh! And he also said you'll have to see a psychologist to evaluate your state of mind, but don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine!" She added when she noticed my concerned face. I wanted to question her further about it, but she soon started speaking again. "Then we brought you here and called a doctor. He said you'd had two panic attacks in a row and that was probably what left you drained, so my mom and I helped you out of your clothes and let you sleep for a few hours."

"That's… quite a lot." I sigh. "After two panic attacks there's no way the court is going to think I can take care of myself. We've already lost." I feel my eyes burn with tears, but apparently I don't have more, because my cheeks remain dry.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Anna frantically says, placing her hand in my shoulder and caressing me. "We have to stay positive, after all, it's common enough for victims to have panic attacks when faced with their aggressor." She reasons.

"But this is not that type of trial." I retort. "Plus… it's also common for criminals to have panic attacks, especially when they're discovered." I don't know why I said that, but something made me. Maybe, deep inside, I still see myself as a murderer.

When I notice Anna has been quiet for way longer than normal and the silence starts to unnerve me, I decide to look up , finding her staring at me with wide eyes. I give her a confused look and she shakes her head as if to clear her thoughts before speaking hesitantly.

"But you didn't… I-I mean…" She gulps. "You're not a… m-murderer, right?" She gives me a nervous smile and, in her eyes I see a pleading look, but also a hint of doubt. She doesn't want to believe I could've killed my brother, but she wants to be sure. It still hurts that she's even considering it though.

Oh, but you are a murderer. You killed him.

"No… I d-didn't k-k-kill him." I manage to stutter, but I still feel a part of me protesting at my statement, like I'm saying a lie. "It was an accident."

"Good." She sighs in relief, not doubting my words for even a second. She has more faith in me than I do. "But we should still practice what you're going to say tomorrow. You need to convince them that you're not some cold-blooded psychopath."

"Okay." I sigh in resignation. I really don't have the energy to do something like that right now.

"So… how did your brother die? You've never told me that." She asks, not being able to conceal her curious tone. I close my eyes, trying not to remember that day too vividly.

"We went to the lake, on the first day of spring." I begin, the images of the frozen water filling my mind against my will. "We had brought our ice skates and we were having fun." I sigh, remembering my stupidity. "But the ice was very thin, and when I went to the middle of the lake, despite my brother's warnings…" A sob interrupts me. This is the first time I've told someone since I was eight, and it feels so… real. It's like living it all over again. "The ice started to crack, and I was too afraid to move." I continue, feeling the comforting hand of my girlfriend firmly squeezing my shoulder. "S-so he… he tried to pull me towards the shore using a small branch, but by doing so he ended up where I was before." A whimper interrupts me, but Anna doesn't waste any time getting into the bed with me and pulling me close, letting me snuggle against her and feel a little better this way. It's like she's keeping me from falling apart.

"H-he fell?" She asks with a small voice, like she's afraid if she talks louder I will break completely. I nod. "And… what happened next?"

"He yelled for help." I answer, tightening my hold on Anna as the sobs start coming out more violently. I can still hear Jack's voice as clear as if it was happening right here, right now. "And I-I…" I close my eyes, trying to keep myself from crying too loudly and wincing when I can't. It's so real. The pain, the fear, the angst… The desire to run away.

"And you?" Anna prompts.

"I ran." I choke out.

That's' right. You ran. You are a coward, if you weren't so pathetic, Jack would still be alive. You don't deserve to live! You should have died instead of him! You…!

"Elsa! Elsa!" Anna's voice pulls me out of my self-depreciating thoughts, and I notice she's shaking me. When she notices I'm finally looking at her again and not trying to harm myself with words, she relaxes, letting go of my shoulders and allowing me to hug her again. "Elsa, what…? What you just said…" She pauses, probably searching for the right words. "You're not a coward. Even if you did ran away, I don't think that makes you any less brave. You were only a little girl after all, weren't you?"

"I was eight." I nod.

"See? It's not your fault that you brother died. Even if you had stayed, probably all you would've managed was to die while trying to pull him out."

"But… I-I couldn't save him!" I protest. "I tried asking for help, but…" A whimper makes me pause. "I-it was too late." I say with a small voice.

You're useless. You weren't fast enough. You'd be better off dead.

"Maybe I should've stayed and died with him instead." I echo the Other Elsa's voice.

"No!" Anna's fearful and, at the same time, angry voice rings out as her hand suddenly presses firmly into my cheek, shaking me out of my gloomy thoughts as I look up into her eyes. "Don't ever say that again, you hear me? Never say that again."

When I look into her tearful blue-green eyes, so full of fear and pain because of the possibility of losing me, I understand I said something I shouldn't have said. I hurt her. I confirmed her suspicions that I'm thinking about death again. But no, I'd never do it. I won't kill myself; I wouldn't hurt her like that.

"I'm sorry." I choke out. "I'm just a little depressed, it's all. "I assure her." Seeing my father didn't help much either, but I promise you, I'd never think of hurting myself ever again.

"You swear?" She asks, pleading, almost desperately.

"I swear." I give her a little smile, before leaning in and giving her peck on the lips.

"Mmmhhh…" She moans, pulling me close and deepening the kiss, but though I'm enjoying it, I really don't feel like making out right now; I'm too exhausted for that, so I stop her gently and pull away slightly.

"Anna." I say. "I'm sorry, but I'm really tired right now. I just want to sleep." I give her an apologetic smile, and though she tries to conceal it, I can see the disappointed look in her eyes.

"I understand. Would you like me to stay with you?" She asks, and though her look is innocent enough, I can't help but blush at her words.

"Y-your parents won't mind?—I ask shyly.

"No, I'm sure they'll just assume I fell asleep while taking care of you." She shrugs.

"… Okay." I find myself agreeing to her request as I snuggle into her neck, because really, the last thing I need now are nightmares, and sleeping in my girlfriend's arms would surely help with that. It'll probably also let me sleep better than last night.

"Alright, just give me a second. —She says as she pulls her cellphone out of her pocket, presses something on the screen (I can't see what from here) and places it on the bedside table before turning the lights off. Then, she turns around to look at me and holds me tightly against her chest. As expected, this position makes me feel safe, protected and comfortable, and soon, after a few minutes of hearing Anna's rhythmic breathing, I feel my eyelids getting heavy.

"Goodnight... Anna." I mumble.

"'night..." Her quiet answer is all I hear before falling asleep.

The next morning I was very tired, so tired in fact that I didn't even mind my one-hour session with the physiologist the court had called to evaluate me before the trial. Maybe it was partially because she was nice enough and didn't look me like she thought I was crazy, but also because Anna's assurances before the session helped a little.

So the session went well enough, and she just asked questions about how I felt about my father, my brother… Anna. That one I hesitated to answer before she assured me she would keep it all secret, so at the end I told her about my relationship with the redhead and how much I loved her despite what my father thought about homosexuality. I also assured her that I had gotten over that trauma the moment Anna became my girlfriend, and that the only issue I had now had been provoked by the reminder of my brother's death and the continuing absence of even a shred of my father's love. She then said I could retire and so I did.

I couldn't read the woman all that well, but if I had to bet, I'd say she's not going to say that I'm crazy and should be under the constant watch of my father. This'll probably help me with my case. That's what Anna said anyways, and I really want to believe her.

So, now we're sitting at the court room again and the second (and hopefully final) part of the trial is about to start. I'm trembling in fear again, but at least it's not as bad as yesterday. Not because I'm less terrified though, but because all my muscles are too tired to even shake, supposedly a side effect of the panic attack. Oh well, at least it'll help me appear more composed as I go the front and try to explain to all this people that I didn't kill my brother… or not.

However, as I'm anxiously waiting for my father's lawyer to get up and request my presence on the front to continue his interrogations, the judge's voice cut though the room and his words confuse me.

"Silence, please." He says. "Normally I would call Mr. Vargson to continue with his questions, but given the situation that presented itself yesterday I've decided to make an exception and allow Mr. Gunnarson to present a recorded answer to Mr. Vargson's question from the previous part of this trial." My eyes widen and I shoot Anna a questioning glance, but she just gives me a reassuring smile and squeezes my hand before resuming her staring at the front. I decide to do the same and figure out what's happening here.

"Objection…!" The lawyer tried to protest, but was soon shut up by the judge.

"Overruled." He declared. "Please, play the recording."

Soon enough, my conversation with Anna from last night, beginning at the moment when she asked how my brother had died, started playing for all of us to hear. I turned to look at Anna in disbelief. How had she managed to record all that without me noticing? In that moment, said girl turned to me, leaned in and whispered to my ear:

"I thought you would have another panic attack if you had to explain all of that in a room full of strangers, plus your father, without being able to be at my side. So I decided to make things a little easier for you. I hope you don't mind." She adds, smiling radiantly at me, and I can't help it when I give her a crushing hug murmuring 'thank you' into her ear, because she's right; I wouldn't have stood the pressure, so it was very thoughtful of her, and very helpful for me.

"You're the best girlfriend ever, you know that?" I say, almost chuckling as I feel happy tears fall down my cheeks.

"I know." She giggles. "But just so you know, I didn't do it for free; I do expect to have a reward later." I hear her playful and mischievous tone and I instantly know what kind of reward she's talking about, so I just roll my eyes at her antics even if I know I'll end up giving her this 'reward' anyways.

After a few more seconds of enjoying the embrace, I decide we should probably get back to paying attention to the trial, so I reluctantly pull away and look to the front (not before giving Anna one last thankful glance), noticing that the recording has almost come to an end. As soon as it quiets, the judge turns to my father's lawyer and asks:

"Tell me, Mr. Vargson, did that answer your question?"

"I… Yes, it did, you honor." He says with a scowl, clearly upset about having lost the opportunity to make appear like a crazy murderer.

"Very well, do you have more questions for Ms. Frost?"

"I do."

"Ms. Frost, please come to the front." The judge nods and I sigh, knowing I have no choice but to do it, before standing up. Just when I'm walking away, I notice that Anna hasn't let go of my hand, so I turn to look at her as she gives me a little squeeze and an encouraging smile that clearly says "you can do it". I return the smile (even if I'm still feeling nervous) and try to confidently walk to the place where I'll be interrogated. At least I feel a lot better than yesterday.

Once I'm sited, Mr. Vargson speaks.

"Okay, tell me then, Elsa, Why did you attempted suicide?"

I tense up. Another difficult question meant to make me look unstable. I already hate this man.

I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself before responding.

"I-I was depressed." It's my short answer.

"Yes, I know that." He says in a condescending manner, like she's explaining it to a child that's too stupid to understand anyways. "You wanted to die, but why?"

"I didn't feel like there was a point on continue living anymore." I shrug, trying to stay calm even though I can feel a certain oppression on my heart that tells me this topic still affects me a little too much. "I had nothing; no home, no family, no friends, no one who loved me…" I trail off, feeling my throat tighten with the upcoming sobs, but then I look at Anna's concerned face and at her parents' and Kai and Gerda's sympathetic ones, and I realize nothing that I believed then was really true. "Or at least that's what I thought then." I add.

"So it had nothing to do with you feeling guilty about your brother's death?" He asks raising an eyebrow. "Because we've heard that your suicidal attempt was made with a piece of glass from a framed picture of Jack Frost."

How does he even know that?!

"I-I… well, uh…" I try to put my ideas in place in order to answer as truthfully and calmly as possible. "When I get depressed, I usually write letters to my brother." When Mr. Vargson raises his eyebrow, I elaborate further. "I know that he's dead but... It helps."

"That doesn't answer my question." He says sternly and I swallow.

"T-that day I wrote one and Anna saw it." I say trying to keep my voice from trembling at the memory of my sweet Anna being so mean to me. Even if I know that she'd now never do something like that again, it still hurts. "She asked about my brother and I answered saying that I missed him and that he was no longer here. She asked why didn't I go with him and I said I'd never be able to come back, but then I realized I truly had nothing to come back to and I just... Did it." I finish, my heart heavy with the feelings the sole memory caused me.

"So it had nothing to do with you feeling guilty about your brother's death?" He presses. I'm about to answer when Mr. Gunnarson intervenes.

"Objection! We've already established that didn't kill her brother."

"Mr. Gunnarson, please." I placate him, an answer already in my head, one that'll give us a better possibility of winning. "I'll be happy to respond." I say before turning to Mr. Vargson and answering. "Yes, I did feel guilty." I admit. "I wanted to die because I didn't believe I deserved to live after I failed to save my brother." My jaw tenses at the admission, but I continue regardless. "But I only ever felt that way because father would always say I had killed Jack and never gave me a chance to explain myself. I always thought myself a monster because my father treated me like one." I feel anger rising within me and a scowl forming in my face as I think of all the damage he inflicted on me. I just hope after this trial he gets out of my life for good.

"Are you sure that's why you felt guilty or…?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Get to the next question already." I say curtly, mad that he was still insisting on the subject, like he really thinks that after all the brainwash my father did on me I'll admit at any moment that I killed Jack, and though yesterday I would've probably had, not today. Sleeping in my girlfriend's arms really helped me shut down all my self-depreciating words.

The rest of the questions were easy enough as I answered with the absolute truth and with no interference of the Other Elsa, but then it was my father's turn, and of course he made himself look like an angel. Even though I wanted more than anything to jump over him and rip her throat out each time he said a blatant lie, I managed to contain myself thanks to Anna's hand in mine (it also helped that, after what happened yesterday, I was already expecting him to say lies as naturally as a normal person would tell the truth).

After that, Mr. Vargson called Anna to the front, which didn't surprised me because she's like the most important witness, but still… I prefer to have her at my side. Anna, however, looked confident and determined enough, and her cute serious face actually managed to pull a smile out of me, so I knew she'd be fine.

"Ms. Summers." The lawyer starts interrogating her with the help of an interpreter. "You met Ms. Frost last year, correct?"

"Yes?" She answers, raising an eyebrow, probably wondering why that was important.

"And what's the first thing you thought when you saw her?"

"Damn, that girl is beautiful!" She says, not skipping a heartbeat, and I blush at her answer before she realizes what she's said and blushes too. "Uh… but that's probably not what you asked." She chuckles. "I thought she seemed lonely and kinda unapproachable. And cold, mostly cold." She sighs. "She has kind of a rough exterior, but the interior is worth it." She says, smiling radiantly at me, making my cheeks burn.

"Yes, but you did noticed something was off about her." He insists.

"Well… not off." She clarifies. "I said she was cold, and she almost never showed her emotions, or reacted to anything. But once I started getting to know her better, I realized she probably wasn't what she seemed."

"But she kept herself isolated, almost like she despised human contact." He keeps on it, making Anna frown.

"You know? That's kind of a rude thing to say about someone you don't know." She chastises. "If she kept herself isolated it was only because she was scared of others, of the damage they might inflict on her like so many others have. People like her father, I might add." The lawyer's eyes widen and I can't help it when a smirk forms in my lips. Anna is quite good at speaking; she managed to turn the question around and make my father look like the bad guy. "I think her father was actually part of the reason she wouldn't speak to me at first." She adds, much to my surprise.

"What do you mean?" Mr. Vargson asks, confused.

"Well, he's homophobic, and he indoctrinated his daughter to believe homosexuality was wrong, so she obviously tried to repress her feelings by having no interaction with the girls she found… attractive."

Anna? What are you doing?! This isn't part of the plan! My father must not find out!

I turn to see the man and a chill runs through my spine when I see his cold eyes, full of hatred and disgust, directed straight towards me. I start trembling again and shoot Anna a warning glance, but she either doesn't see it or ignores it.

"Ms. Summers, with all due respect I don't think that my client would've taught his daughter such a thing." He says coldly, but I can see he's starting to sweat.

"Really? Because the first time I tried to kiss her she was a trembling and crying mess because she thought she was doing something wrong." The lawyer's eyes widen even more and he's at a loss of what to do as he stares into Anna's wide smile. This, however, doesn't give me any comfort, since I can still feel my father's hateful gaze upon me.

"Even after we became girlfriends…" Damn it Anna, stop emphasizing what we are! "She didn't want anyone to know about our relationship because she thought they would all hate her like her father did. Hell, even now she's trembling in fear because she didn't want her father to know about us!" At this all heads in the room turn towards me and I instinctively cower to appear smaller, hoping this way they'll stop staring at me so intently, but apparently this doesn't work… because when everyone finally stops looking at me it's because my father speaks. Or rather, yells.

"Is it true, Elsa?!" He says, obviously furious and wanting to rip my head out. I try to speak, but I can't even breathe because of the sheer panic just looking at his angry face is making me feel. "Is it true you're a fucking lesbian?!" I instinctively shake my head, but it's no use, the madness in his eyes doesn't diminish.

"Mr. Frost…" The judge tries to interfere, but my father isn't listening to anyone.

"I thought I had made myself clear when I sent you to the States! I don't want a disgusting homosexual in my family!" I flinch at his words and hot tears start falling from my eyes as I break down completely under his stern gaze. I feel so small, so vulnerable. I feel like a failure, like a monster, like someone who doesn't even deserve to be alive… like how I felt before I became Anna's girlfriend.

I don't even register all the yelling that is going on around me, nor when two police men come into action and placate my father, or when Anna's arms wrap themselves around me as she utters apology after apology. All I know is that, when my girlfriend's soothing voice pulls me back from my panicked state, the jury is ready to pronounce the sentence. I still don't feel quite good though, but at least I guess I'm now used to it, so I'm able to pay attention to what they're saying; after all, I do want to know what they decided to do with me.

"The jury has come to a verdict." The judge announces as he pulls out a paper. "They have decided to concede Ms. Elsa frost total emancipation, granting her full access to her inheritance, which amounts to 50% of the assets and possessions Agdar Frost possessed at the moment of Idunn Frost's death, including half the total value of the company." I chance a look at my father, but when I see him practically fuming in anger, I quickly return my attention to the front. I don't even dare feel happy or relieved yet.

"However, this is only with the stipulation that she attend mandatory psychiatric therapy at least once a week, as per the suggestions of the court psychologist." Well, I think that sounds reasonable.

"Mr. Frost will also be obligated to pay a total of 2,350,000 crowns as compensation for the emotional and psychological damage inflicted on his daughter, as well as his years of neglect." My father was clearly about to get up and start yelling, but the sound of the hammer was so final that he could only clench his hands until his knuckles became white and his face red with anger. "Court is dismissed." At this everyone starts standing up to leave the court room.

"What did he say?" I hear Anna ask to the interpreter, but I don't turn to look at her. I think I'm still in shock and can't believe what just happened.

"You won." It's all he's allowed to say before my girlfriend jumps up in excitement as the other five adults that are with us smile widely and start congratulating me. I, however, am expecting to wake up at any second. How did we win? I thought he'd bribe the jury, and even if that failed I had two panic attacks in the middle of the courtroom! I mean, it surely shouldn't have been this easy?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I see someone standing right in front of me and look up to see it's my father. I instantly cower when I see his angry look.

"You'll regret this." He spits out. "I don't know how, but I will make sure your life is as miserable as it can be." He says it in a hushed tone, probably so no one else can hear him, but it still makes goosebumps appear on my skin.

"Hey, leave her alone!" Anna comes to my rescue. "Don't you think you've already hurt her enough?" Her glare actually manages to match my father's, but instead of giving me fear, it gives me a sense of warmth and security. Adgar only looks angrily at her for a second before turning around and exiting the room. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Are you okay?" My girlfriend asks when he's out of sight, looking at me with a concerned gaze.

"Kind of." I shrug, but it doesn't come out as casual as I'd like. Maybe because my shoulders are tense as hell and my voice is still a little shaky. "I just can't believe that we won." I add so not to worry her more. Her gaze softens at this and she approaches me taking my hands between hers.

"We did win, it's real, I promise." She says with a soothing tone. "But I can understand that it still doesn't feel quite like it for you." She gives me a sad smile as she rubs circles on the back of my hands. "However, we still have a week before we go back to the States. I hope that's enough for you."

"Yes, and we will be relaxing and having fun and visiting places." Anna's father assures me with a smile. "You'll be fine, Elsa."

"Yeah, it may take some time, but you'll get used to be finally free of that man." Gerda adds and I smile gratefully at them. I'm glad they're with me, I'm sure without them I'd have ended up going to a psychiatric hospital instead of getting my inheritance. But still, Anna was the one who helped the most, and really, as I look at those loving teal eyes of her, I know I'll be safe. As long as she is with me.