A/N: I basically started this story just because I had the thought of Colton. And now… well he's not what I expected.
"Mama, I play outside okay? Okay."
"Avery you need to wait for me or Colton to go out with you."
There was a whiny sigh from the other room and the sound of Avery flopping to the floor in defeat. At least she wasn't screaming to get her way anymore, but the pouting was almost as irritating.
"Ben I don't wanna be by you! Let me do my own thing."
"But Cole, you promised we would play!"
"I don't want to play anymore, you're making me mad."
Lindsay could sense that Ben was about to burst into tears so she quickly dried her hands on the dishtowel and went into the other room.
"Colton, take your sister outside."
"Yay!" Avery squealed, jumping up and down. "Avery play outside!"
"I'm not taking her out there, I'm busy."
"Colton-"
"She's not my responsibility mama! You take her outside. You're the grown up!"
"Colton Matthew Ross, go to your room."
He stomped up the stairs while Ben whimpered and Avery stomped to the back door, very upset. All she wanted to do was collect bugs from the garden but apparently no one was going to let her do that today. She sat down on the floor and sniffled as Qwerty walked up to her, nudging her hand.
"Squirty, I play outside. You come?"
He laid down on the floor and she sighed, patting his head.
"Later Squirty. We play later."
She stayed like that for a while, then stood back up and went into the other room where Ben was moping and pacing across the room.
"Ben? You is okay?"
"No sissy, I'm real upset that Cole yelled at me."
"Yeah. That's bad. You play with me?"
"In a minute. I'm gonna go try and talk to my brother. You wait here. This might get messy."
He went upstairs and Avery wandered into the kitchen, pulling out the drawers and climbing up to sit on the counter.
"Hi mama."
"Hi baby."
"Ben and Coley is sad. Avery not. Avery be happy. Help mama clean dishes. Yes. That what I do."
"I would appreciate that very much honey."
Avery swished her hands around in the water and hummed to herself while Lindsay scrubbed at the dishes that had been left in the sink the night before.
"Um, mama?"
"Yeah?"
Avery was about to ask a question when the door opened and Adam came in.
"Oh daddy! Yay!"
She took a flying leap off the counter, her feet slapping against the floor as she dashed across the room and threw her arms around his legs.
"Daddy, I miss you! Let's go play!"
Adam swung her up into his arms and kissed her cheeks before cuddling her close.
"I want to talk to mama real quick, but as soon as I'm done I'll come upstairs and play with you. Dress-up?"
"Oh yes! I go get ready."
She ran upstairs while Adam crossed the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Lindsay's waist and pressing a kiss to the back of her head.
"Babe, have I told you lately how much I love you?"
"Yeah."
"Have I shown you?"
"Of course you have."
"Good. Because I really, really do love you."
"I really, really love you too. What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Adam."
"Remember the Victoria Jessen case?"
"A few weeks ago right?"
"Yeah. Turns out she was killed by her boyfriend. He beat her to death. She'd been cheating on her husband and came clean to him when the boyfriend started beating her and she wanted to go back home. He kicked her out and she felt that she had nowhere to go but to the boyfriend. Her husband still loves her and now he feels so guilty that he didn't forgive her, that he never told her that he still loved her. Talking to him today I just realized again that… babe, if I lost you, I would want you to know. Okay?"
"I know. But thank you for telling me again."
Ben came running down the stairs at that moment, tears streaming down his face.
"I need to be holded!" he exclaimed running for Lindsay and grabbing her legs tightly.
"What's the matter?"
"I can't tell you!"
"Well what happened?" she asked, crouching down to look him in the eye. He threw his arms around her neck and sobbed, whispering something that she couldn't understand.
"Baby, take a breath and tell me what's the matter."
"I can't tell. Cole sweared me to keep the secret!"
"Ben, is it something me and daddy need to know?"
"Yes, but I sweared on it! I sweared!"
"How did you swear, buddy?" Adam asked. The boys knew about keeping secrets, but he had no idea they knew about swearing on them.
"Cole told me to keep it a secret and I said okay and then he said to swear it so I said "crap and fart I promise" and now I sweared it and I can't tell!"
"What would happen if you tell?"
"Cole would hate me with his whole heart forever!" he wailed, rubbing his eyes. "I don't want my brother to hate me!"
"Sweetie, if it's something me and daddy need to know, then you should tell us. If Colton's going to be mad at you, then that's not fair."
Ben sniffled and used his shirt to blow his nose.
"Cole said that he was runnin' away because no one in this family wants him no more. And I said that I still want him and he said I don't count and that you hate him and he is going to leave to a place where he can be his own self and he is never coming back and he said to me that we will never see him again!"
"Okay, what happened around here today?" Adam asked, thoroughly confused.
"Cole doesn't wanna do what mama tells him to. Then he gets mad and says mean things and then he has to go to his room and then he wants to run away."
"I told him to take Avery outside and he got mad about it. Everything I've asked him to do today he's refused and said I'm the grown up so I should do it because he's just a kid," Lindsay explained, her feelings very obviously hurt.
"Cole says that mama doesn't love him and he just works here. And he's mad that he doesn't get paid to take care of me and sissy."
"He said that?"
"Yeah. I told him you love him but he said that you don't. He says he's tired of being a grown up and if he has to be one then he is gonna go live on his own where he can choose what grown up things he wants to do."
The look on Lindsay's face was the most hurt that Adam had ever seen, and for a moment he felt an intense anger and surge of protectiveness. Then he realized it was anger towards his son and guilt started to eat at him from the toes up.
"I'd better go talk to him."
"No, let me go. I think it would be a good idea for him to hear some tough love from his dad."
Adam went upstairs and opened the boys bedroom door, finding Colton frantically stuffing clothes into a duffel bag. He was sniffling quietly and it looked like he'd pushed his hand through his hair in frustration many times.
"You look just like me," Adam started, leaning against the door with his arms crossed. "I used to pack my bags just like you are now."
"You did?"
"Yeah. Of course, I never disrespected my mother and made her cry beforehand."
Colton slowed his movements but didn't turn around.
"Mama's crying?"
"She started to. You want to tell me why you think it's okay for you to say the things you said?"
Colton stayed quiet, knowing he was wrong, but not ready to admit it.
"If you say you're a grown up then you should be one right now and go downstairs and apologize to your mama."
"No. I don't want to talk to her."
"Why? Because she asks for your help with something?"
"I'm just a kid!" Colton exploded. "I don't have to take care of Ben and Aves! I don't have to do all the chores in the house! I don't have to go to my room every time I make a mistake! Ben gets a hug when he gets in trouble and I get sent to my room! It's not fair!"
"Son, when you were Ben's age, we hugged you during your punishments too."
"I don't care! It's not fair and mama doesn't even love me anymore. I hate this house because I don't get treated good and I don't want to be in this family anymore!"
This would be the point in the conversation where most parents would act indifferent as a way to get their child to recant their statements. Adam wasn't really aware of that style at the moment.
"You know a lot of things about the world now Colton. So you just use that brainpower and think about the kind of family you could have ended up with. Then you can tell me whether or not your mother loves you."
Turning on his heel he walked out of the room and slammed the door, surprised at the volume he'd just used to yell at his son. Avery peeked out of her bedroom, her bottom lip quivering as she looked at him. She'd never heard him raise his voice like that before and it scared her a lot.
"Daddy?"
"C'mere Tink. Daddy's sorry."
She let a few tears fall as she walked towards him, her arms raised so he could pick her up.
"I'm sorry Averylin. I didn't mean to yell like that. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Daddy upset?"
"Yes, I'm upset. I need to take a breather. Want to come outside with me and have a popsicle?"
"Okay."
She rested her head on his shoulder as they went downstairs where Lindsay and Ben were curled up on the couch together, talking softly.
"Hey, you two feel like having a popsicle? Avery and I are going to split one to improve our mood."
"Red one daddy?"
"Sure, we can have a red one. You want one Ben?"
"Okay. Mama, want to share a blue with me?"
"Sure baby."
The sun was barely up but the knock on the door was insistent and wouldn't go away. Austin rolled over and opened her eyes, looking at Danny to see if he was going to budge. He wasn't.
Sighing, she stood up and ran a hand through her hair, praying the wrath of God down on Flack for waking her up so early. Why he couldn't just call and tell her he had a lead, she didn't know, but at least when he came right to the door he usually brought coffee. Stumbling into the other room, she opened the door and barely had time to take a breath before Colton barreled into her and burst into tears.
"They don't want me! They don't want me!"
She knelt down and pulled him into her arms, confused and trying to keep up. How did he get here and why and who was he talking about?
"Honey, who doesn't want you?"
"Mama and daddy!"
"Okay, come inside. Let's sit on the couch and you can calm down and tell me about it."
He followed her in and took a shaking breath while she pulled a blanket from the back of the couch and put it around him.
"Colton, how did you get here?"
"I ran. I was running away so I had to run, right?"
"By yourself?"
"Of course! That's what running away is for."
"Colton, I don't think I have to tell you how dangerous that was."
"I know."
"We can talk about that later. Now what happened at home?"
"Me and mama got in an argument. Then daddy came home and yelled at me. So I stayed in my room all night and then when it started to get light out I sneaked out and came here."
"What did you and your mama fight about?"
"Just a lot of things. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay. Well whatever you fought about, I have to call her and tell her you're here."
"I don't wanna go back home!"
"That's not up to me."
He sniffled and laid down on the couch while she stood up and went to get her phone. She had no idea what possibly could have happened but she knew Colton and Lindsay had been butting heads a lot lately. He was getting to a stage in his life where he wasn't sure how to act, whether he could be a kid or an adult. It was magnified intensely by what happened, and by the fact that he had always acted older than his years, causing Adam and Lindsay to give him a little more responsibility than was probably normal for kids his age. They talked to him on a more adult level, were honest with him about life and didn't sugarcoat things, even slightly. Austin didn't really think that was a good idea, but she wasn't about to say anything now.
"Hello?"
"Hey. I think I have something of yours."
"What?" Lindsay croaked, trying to shake the sleep out of her voice.
"Colton's here."
There was a second of silence then an intake of breath that meant Lindsay was fully awake.
"He's there?"
"He said he waited until the sun came up and then he ran here."
"I thought he was asleep in his room."
"No. He's asleep on our couch."
"He ran there?"
"Yeah."
"I'll be right there."
"Lin, you okay?"
"I don't know."
They ended the conversation and Austin went back to the other room, sitting down on the end of the couch. The movement woke Colton from his short snooze and he crawled over to her, leaning against her side and yawning.
"Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you. I'm really confused about what's going on."
He didn't say anything, just pulled the blanket closer around himself as Isa wandered into the room, her long hair flowing down her back in a tangled mess.
"Colt, what are you doing here?"
"I ran away."
She stopped mid-step, then rushed towards the couch and hugged him tightly.
"Oh Colt, what happened? Why did you run away?"
"Because, Isa. Because I just don't like it there anymore. Because I don't even know what to do all the time. And I'm frustrated."
"You don't know where you fit in. Like you were telling me the other day."
"Yeah."
She clucked her tongue a little and squeezed his hand.
"Remember what I said to you? You fit in with me."
"For all the days. I remember."
They'd almost forgotten that Austin was even sitting there, as was normal with them.
"Colt, we're a family. All ten of us. You can't leave."
"I won't leave you, Isa. I will always be your friend. But I gotta do what's best for me too."
"Can you give it another shot?"
"I don't know."
"Colton Ross, we don't quit family!"
He hung his head and stared at the floor while she hugged him, fussing over him in a way she never had before.
"Ma, can Colt stay here with us? He can share a room with me. And he doesn't eat that much. He can share my food. And my allowance. Ma, I promise I will be good forever if we can just keep Colt!"
"Isabeth, no matter how much I love Colton and how much I would love to have him here, that's not an option right now. He needs to go home."
"But he doesn't want to."
"I know that. But like you just said, we don't quit family."
Isa sighed and patted Colton's face, then kissed his cheek.
"You hungry Colt? We have Pop-Tarts. I'll share one with you."
He shook his head and sat back on the couch, steeling himself for what he knew was coming. Isa snuggled into his side and he put his arm around her, feeling a bit better with her there. He wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen now, who was coming to get him, if they would be furious with him or if they would just be happy he was okay. More than likely they would hug him when they got there, then yell at him all the way home, and then he would be sent to his room again. Maybe this hadn't been the best idea.
"Wanna come play in my room with me?"
"No thanks, Isa."
"I love you Colt. Does that make you feel better?"
"A little. I love you too."
There was a knock on the door and it squeaked open. Colton took a deep breath and looked up at Lindsay, their eyes meeting for a long moment.
"Isabeth, let's go," Austin said, wanting to give them some space.
"But ma!"
"Come on."
They shuffled out of the room and Lindsay and Colton were left alone, regarding each other as if they had never met before.
"You want to tell me how things got to this point son?"
"A series of very bad things happened all at once."
She walked across the room to him, sitting on the other end of the couch and sighing.
"What should we do about that?"
"Ground me I guess."
"Is that going to fix the problem?"
He shrugged.
"Colton, you've got to tell me what's going on with you because I am really clueless here. What did I do wrong?"
"I don't know."
"Why can't we get along?"
"Because! I don't like you tellin' me to do stuff!"
"Well that's tough because I'm your mama and that's what I do."
"You want me to do all the grown up stuff and the chores and help take care of the other kids and be responsible but then you boss me like I'm a little kid too! So I have to do all the unfun stuff of being a grown up and all the unfun stuff of being a kid and I don't get the fun stuff of either of them and you don't care because you don't listen to me!"
"How can I listen to you when all you do is get mad and yell and me and stomp off into the other room?"
"I don't know! I'm just a kid!"
"We have to work together here. I understand what's bothering you but I don't understand why you're so upset with me for it."
His breathing got faster and she could tell he was about to explode with whatever his secret was, so she stayed quiet, letting it happen.
"Mama, you and me used to be buddies! We used to watch old movies together and we spent lots of time together just you and me. And now we don't anymore! Everything in the whole world changed after the bad stuff happened. And I'm just so mad!"
His voice was raised louder than she'd ever heard it and he jumped off the couch to pace around the room. It seemed like he was panicking and she wanted to pull him into her arms and tell him it would be okay, but he needed to get everything out.
"I didn't get a choice! It happened to me and I didn't get to say no. And now everything is different. I'm so mad. I don't want to be mad anymore but I can't stop! And that makes me more mad. And then I know that I will always be mad for the rest of my life."
He stopped walking in front of her, his chest heaving with emotion, his big brown eyes blinking back the tears.
"Colton, I'm mad too. I'm mad about everything that happened to you. I'm mad about what happened to me and to daddy and to all the other people we love. I'm very mad Colton, and you know what? That's okay. You're right, it never really goes away. But you learn how to live with it. You learn how to just be mad once in a while and be happy for the rest. But it's a long process and you have to ask for help with it. You can't just carry it around in your heart all the time. That's not fair to you."
He started to cry and he fell against her, releasing everything for the first time. She held him and rocked him back and forth shushing and soothing while he cried.
"Mama. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do."
"I know, baby. I'm sorry that daddy and I haven't guided you very well, but we're not really sure what to do either. We'll try to do better, I promise. But we need you to tell us things and be honest about how you feel."
"I'll try."
She pulled him into her lap and kissed his cheek, wiping his tears away.
"Colton Matthew I love you more than anything in the world, and no matter how upset with you I am, I will always love you that much. Always. Do you understand me?"
"Yes mama."
"Hey, don't you love me too?"
He nodded against her and wrapped his arms around her neck, holding on for dear life.
"I want to be little again mama. I want to fit in your lap and be happy. Like Ben! He's always happy about everything. He's still little. I wish I could be like that again."
"Is that why you've been spending so much time with your brother and then getting mad at him so much?"
"I like to be with him because I kind of feel like a little kid again. But then it makes me jealous and I get mad at him. That's not very fair to Ben is it?"
"No it's not. But that doesn't mean he doesn't still love you. Ben looks at you and sees this really awesome older kid that just so happens to be his brother and he adores you. He wants to be just like you."
"He does?"
"Yeah. He told me that last night. He said that when he grows up he wants to be as nice and smart as you are, but he doesn't want to get mean like you do sometimes."
Colton shuddered a little and leaned back, looking up at her as if the most horrible thing had just dawned on him.
"Mama, do you think I get mean like daddy's dad used to?"
"What?"
"Do you think someday when I have kids I will hurt them? Or hurt my wife? Or even hurt people now?"
"No. Never in a million years Colton. You aren't like that man and neither is daddy, so we don't have to worry, okay?"
He sighed and wiped his eyes and she cradled him against her a little, also wishing he was just a little boy again. A year and a half ago everything had been so simple and perfect but the in course of just a few days that had all changed permanently. She longed for it to go back to the way it was, but she knew it never would.
"I'm so sorry mama. I really am."
"I know. I forgive you. Now we need to go home and talk to daddy about all this, and then you're going to explain to Ben and Avery what you did and why it was wrong."
"Okay mama."
"And after that you're going to go to bed and get some rest. When you wake up we'll start fresh."
"I am pretty tired. I stayed up all the night long."
"Well you can sleep for a while this morning."
"Mama do you think you could lay down with me? Just for a little while? And tell me a story about Montana like you used to?"
"Absolutely."
He gave her a real smile and climbed off her lap, running into the kitchen.
"Everything's going to be fine!" he announced happily, hugging Isa. "Me and mama understand each other a little now. And I'm not quitting the family either!"
She giggled and they spun around in a circle together, bumping into one of the chairs.
"Hey kids you need to be quiet. Everyone else is sleeping."
They giggled quietly together and continued to spin in a circle while Austin went back to the couch to check on Lindsay.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. I just… thought it was over. I thought we were past it. He didn't ever indicate that it was still bothering, except for the occasional nightmare. I guess I should have paid more attention."
"Maybe so. But you know your kid Linds. He wasn't going to talk about it if he wasn't ready because I am sorry, but he is a really good mix of you and Adam. One set of stubborn doesn't cancel out the other."
"I know."
"But it's going to get better now. Okay?"
"Keep reminding me of that?"
"Every day."
Lindsay and Colton walked home together, hand in hand, not saying much but listening to the birds chirping in the trees around them. When they got back home Adam, Ben and Avery were sitting on the couch together, but Ben jumped up and ran for Colton, hugging him as hard as he could.
"Cole, don't you ever run away again! It made me so scared when daddy telled me! I thought you would never come home for real!"
"You know, when I sneaked out the back door, I didn't think I would ever come back either. I need to talk to you and Aves about what happened. Let's sit down."
The boys moved to the loveseat and Colton kept his arm around Ben's shoulders while Avery climbed up with them.
"What I did this morning was very wrong. I shouldn't have ran away like I did. And what happened yesterday wasn't right either. All the yelling and being mad was very wrong. Mama explained it to me that even though I am not a grown up yet, I am still growing up, and that means I learn from my mistakes. The good thing about you guys being younger is that you learn from my mistakes and you don't got to make them yourselves. So I need you guys to promise me two things. The first one is that you never make the same mistakes that I did."
"Okay Cole. I will do my best. Sissy?"
"Okay Coley."
"And the second one is that you will forgive me for what I did."
"I forgive you! It's okay to make mistakes. I still love you Cole."
"Thanks Ben. That means a lot to me."
"I love Coley."
"I love you too Aves. Now I need to go upstairs and go to sleep because it's been a long day."
He hugged both of the kids again, then slid off of the couch and walked over to Adam.
"Daddy, can you come up and tuck me in so we can talk for a bit? Then send mama up so she can cuddle with me?"
"Yeah buddy, let's go."
They made their way upstairs and Lindsay sat down on the couch, breathing a sigh of relief. Later they would figure out where to go from here and how to prevent this kind of thing in the future, but for now, they were all under one roof and they were all just fine.