- Come in. - a voice from inside ordered me.
- Captain. I need to speak to you.
- What is it, Krieger? If Shitty Glasses wants my help for another useless titan capture expedition, you can tell her to fuck off. - he didn't even bothered to lift his gaze from the massive amount of paperwork on his desk.
- It's not that. It's about your squad. - Finally, I have his attention... he kept his usual bored expression, but I thought I saw a glint in his eye.
- So? Stop wasting my time, lieutenant.
- I thought about my decision and I've changed my mind.
- Hm... And why would I want someone who takes her word back...? - You're fucking difficult, Shorty.
Well, if you don't want me to join you anymore, then I'll leave. Thank you for your time, Corporal. Sorry for disturbing you. - I turned to face the door and, as soon as my hand grasped the knob, he cleared his voice.
- Training starts tomorrow after Erwin gets back. - it's not like I didn't want to be part of the Special Operations Squad but I wasn't thrilled about it. After all, despite getting along with all of them and even having solved my problem with Eld, there was still Levi, that ruthless man. He wasn't like everybody made him seem; he did care about his team and all of the people in the Corps. But his attitude made my blood boil. Even so, I had to join them, Erwin gave me a direct order and I most certainly didn't want to get on his bad side.
- Right. - I closed the door behind me on my way out. Sighing, I got back to my own office, where a ridiculous a ridiculous amount of paperwork awaited me. I sat, sinking further in the chair when my eyes caught the pile of reports the cadets had written. Why does this shit only happen to me...? Someone knocked. - Who is it?
- Lieutenante Krieger, may I come in? - it was Kirstein.
- What is it?
- I was sent to clean your office.
- Hm, come in, then. - I sighed again. Looking at him as he got closer, I noticed the left side of his face was swollen. - What happened to your face?
- Oh... I was... punched.
- By who? Wait, let me guess... Jaeger? - I looked over the table at him, while he scrubbed the floor.
- Yes...
- Why? - I changed my mind before he answered. - Nevermind, I don't really care. You two better start behaving properly. That kind of shit could cost you your lives. By the way, who sent you here?
- Petra. - Nice... she's so nice, she knows I hate cleaning.
Hey, hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing? - he'd started moving my books around.
- I'm cleaning lieutenant - he answered, not stopping.
- Don't touch my books. - he put them down here they were previously. - Clean the windows, the floor, whatever. Don't come here trying to organize my shit. - the office consisted of a bookcase, a desk, a couple of chairs and piles of books scattered around the space. My research, documents, etc were all in those books, so I couldn't affort to lose track of a single one. Tche, organization was never one of my strengths. The heavy sound of the brush scrubbing lulled me and made the correction of the reports significantly easier. - Fucking hell, this is all shit, cadet! This year, you're all dumb as can be!
- Lieutenant? - he stopped and stared at me with a confused expression plastered all over my face.
- These reports are all shit! I don't care about the fucking color of the trees, god damnit! Has no one taught you this already?! Have you learned nothing from the Trainees Squad? Who cares about the stupid birds, you're supposed to talk about the terrain, visibility, field of vision, how the equipment worked or failed and why, not this ridiculous shit!
- Permission to speak, miss?
- Talk. What is your first name, cadet?
- Jean, miss. No one told us what we were supposed to write. The majority of us just tried to guess what was relevant.
- Well, I don't care about that, I'm telling you now what you need to write in a report. - I handed him a scribbled note with simple topics. - Here, use that. I do not want to read shit like this again. I should just burn all of it. - he took the small paper, smilling.
- Thanks, mam. I'll talk to the others. You're actually pretty cool. - he chuckled, storing the note in his pocket and getting back to scrubbing.
- Oy, cadet Jean, you want a month on stable duty? - he looked at me with an alarmed expression. - I'm kidding. - I laughed. - So the cadets don't think I'm cool... I can't see why... - I said loudly to myself, leaning against the chair and crossing my feet over the table, dirty boots soiling the failed reports. - What do the cadets say of me?
- Nothing, lieutenant - he mumbled, moving to the window.
- You can say it. I don't take offense easily and I'm not going to punish anyone. In fact, if you don't tell me, I'll having you cleaning Oluo's room for three months. I'll know if you're lying...
- Well, the majority thinks you're one of the strictest people that gives us training and think you're too violent. Some have even compared you to- he shut himself up before the words escaped from his mouth.
- To who?... - seeing as he still wasn't talking properly, I grinned - Did you know that Oluo has a tapeworm collection? Yeah, Hange took them out of the soldiers when we had an outbreak. He loves that kind of stuff, I heard he keeps them by his bed, on his nightstand, so he can cuddle them to sleep...
- Ok, ok, mam - he was partially shivering, just thinking about all those creatures crawling inside of him. I laughed in a hearthy tone. These cadets... they'll believe anything. - Some people compare you to Corporal Levi and some think you're even worse.
- In what way?
- Colder, way more rude, you know, those kinds of things... - Colder than Levi? That's new... with today's crying fest, I'm actually surprised. But I do know I'm not like this all the time, I guess to them I seem even colder. I have to.
Hm... I see... Well, I'm not sure if I should consider that as a compliment or as an insult. I'm going for a walk, Kirstein. When I get back, I wanna see my reflection on the floor and on the windows. Oh and - I grabbed the stupid reports - take this trash back to your colleagues - they hit the floor with a loud smacking sound, some of the papersheets scattering to the other side of the room - Ups... - I chuckled before I left. Checking that my tanks were full of gas, I jumped towards the forest, attaching the cables to the tree trunks.
After about half an hour of wandering in the woods, I reached the root of a tree bigger than the others and climbed up a branch. It was wide enough for me to lie down, so I did, looking at the glowing dark green foliage above me. The soothing breeze brough the smell of pine and flowers and a shiver ran down my spine. I was relaxed, lulled by the dancing light rays that managed to pierce the thick tree tops and waver down to kiss the ground. I hadn't even eaten anything and it was probably afternoon by now. Oh well... I sighed, closing my eyes.
***
I heard screaming and opened them again. I wasn't on the tree branch anymore, I was... in the middle of the last expedition outside of Wall Rose we'd done. My squad Lee, Sanchéz, Kayla and Jake... screaming and being tared to shreds by the titans. What kind of lieutenant am I?! What kind of fucking soldier am I?! .! - I ran to attack the monsters and managed to free two of them, Sanchéz and Lee but they didn't resist their wounds. The other two... not even an arm was left. I managed to keep a straight face in front of everyone, even Erwin but-
- Martha, captain, you didn't save me... - a voice interrupted my thoughts. I raised my head and coverd my mouth, muffling a scream.
- Kayla... I... - her disfigured body was dragging itself towards me, skeletal arms reaching out to grab me.
- And me? You said you'd protect me...
- Jake... I was too late, I couldn't... - I recoiled as the bodies around me became more and more and had me surrounded. I felt something tugging my shirt.
- Daughter... - No, not mom... I turned to face her cracked skull looking at me with a blank expression. I pushed her, freeing my arm and tried to run but no matter where I turned to, more arms kept grabbing me, pulling me down. I felt like I was falling.
***
Opening my eyes, I realised I was actually falling. I used the cables to catch myself and just hanged from them for a couple of seconds. I was sweating and I burst into tears when I thought about how many people had died because I couldn't help them.
- What good is a title for... if I can't protect anyone? - I muttered to myself, sobbing.
- I ask myself that a lot. - Who is.. I looked up and saw Corporal Levi standing on a branch above me. I rushed to dry the tears with my sleeve.
- I should get back, it's late and-
- It's no shame to mourn comrads, Krieger - I climbed to where he was and leaned against the trunk, sliding until I was in a seated position.
- You came here to get some air as well? - I asked, trying to change the subject.
- I came to check the course we're going to use in the training session tomorrow. I wasn't expecting to find you here, Krieger. Specially not hanging from a branch.
- I was just resting. I fell asleep and fell off the tree, but I'm fine.
- You improved quite a lot since you got here. - he commented, like I wasn't even there. - You still have a shitty temper but the number talk for themselves.
- Shitty temper?! What do you mean?! Your temper is way shittier than mine! - I protested.
- Huuh? Did you say something? - He ignored me on purpose... he has to be kidding me.
I'm heading back, sir. Dinner must be ready anytime soon. Do you need any help?
- As if someone like you could help... - he muttered before jumping off the branch and moving deeper into the forest.
- What?! That.. Short Shit... Are you trying to say that I'm dumb?! - I yelled, but I was sure he didn't hear me. I returned to HQ, furious. I passed ALL the tests with distinction! Who the hell does he think he is...
I didn't eat much during dinner and saw the cadets reading my critiques on their reports. Impossible. Me having a worse temper than Levi? IMPOSSIBLE. Those shits were going to feel my wrath, but not today. I said goodbye to the people at my table and went to my office, I needed to calm down. Reaching a book about 3D maneuver gear, I began to read it for the 100th time.
- I heard you're in Levi's squad... - a voice slurred as it entered the office.
- Erwin, what do you want... - I cocked an eyebrow, not amused. - Can't you see I'm busy?
- Reading the same book you read everytime something annoys you? Yeah, sure...
- What do you want...?
- I just came here to remind you that tomorrow early, we have the meeting.
- You have. I'm just going cause Pixis wants me there.
- Or something like that - he smiled - Why are you so angry?
- Nothing. - I puffed - Your 'captain' Levi is a dick...
- Watch how you talk about your new captain... He could punish you if he hears you insult him. Or... if someone tells him...
- You wouldn't...
- What's the fun in being commander if I can't spread the chaos once in a while? Huuh?
- Remind me, how are we friends again...? - I rolled my eyes. Clearly he'd been drinking a little too much.
- Well, - he slumped down on one of the armchairs in the office - 'Twas a fine morning when - He's totally drunk... Nice one, Erwin.. Did Elisette turn you down again? - then Pixis asked me to train you and-
- And we started talking and how we're friends forever, right? - He always tells the story like this when he's "happy"... - Well, Erwin, commander sir, I have a lot of work to finish so, you should go back to the bar or the cafeteria or wherever it was that you were in before and goodbye.
- I can't get in the way of miss Lieutenante Martha Krieger - he laughed in a boisterous manner - while she's working... Must be a hell of a work you're doing - he winked at me and finally left. I closed the door and sighed in relief.
- LEVIII! - I heard him screaming in the hallway. OH NO, DEAR GOD. I peered into the hallway and they were chatting.
- Yeah, and that's what I have planned for next week. We should discusse details in my office. - Erwin said, looking back and smilling at me. I signaled him that he was a dead man and he laughed, disappearing with the corporal around the corner. Well, I'm as good as dead... tomorrow is my last day... Levi will beat the shit out of me... well, I can't say I wasn't expecting it...
I finished organizing my papers and went to my chamber. I switched the gear and uniform for the pijamas and slid under the covers, closing my eyes.