I woke up slowly, with just a slight tremor on my hands. Finally, the shock of those horrible deaths was wearing out. Either that, or being in a location as peaceful as the clearing made the good memories I had from my previous squad resurface and calm me. Either way, I felt more rested than I'd felt on any of the previous nights.
Since no one had come to wake me up, I assumed that only a short time span had passed. I put on my boots, strapped the harness and draped the small brown jacket over my shoulders before fulling putting it on, attaching the 3-D gear to the harness after that. If I wasn't going to sleep anymore that night, atleast I wasn't going to be idle. I left the tent and looked around, towards the tree line that circled the camp and saw a faint metallic sheen coming from one of the trees. I walked towards it, leaning against the tree trunk.
"How's the watch going, cadet?" - I didn't know which one of them it was, since the foliage obscured the outline of the person's body.
"All quiet, lieutenant"- Ah, Kirstein. "You woke up a bit earlier than you needed. We've just started our shift."
"Did you switch with any team?"
"Yes, mam. Direct switch with Delta team."
"Where are Jaeger and Ackerman? They'd better not have ran off to roll around in the hay?" - I asked, putting on a fake angry tone. They wouldn't dare try it.
"No, no! Mikada took the west-southwest region and Eren the east-southeast."
"You talk to eachother with lights signals using the swords, don't you? Nicely thought."
"Thank you, mam. You can rest easy, we're more than up to the task", I heard him almost chuckle.
"If you couldn't handle something so simple, then you might as well go running back to your mothers' lap", I laughed softly. "Anyways, since I'm here, I'll help you". I locked the cables higher up the trunk, and one of the top branches and lunged myself up, landing next to him. I balanced closer to the thinner edge of the thick branch. I sat, facing the forest side, inhaling the soothing night air.
"May I ask a question?", Jean broke the silence.
"Go ahead", What does he want..?
"
Have you haver regretted joining the Survey Corps?"
"Kirstein", I smiled, "are you confessing to me that you regret joining? Because we can arrange your transfer before the week even ends!"
"No, no.. It's not that! I just-"
"I know what you meant, Kirstein. I was just messing with you. No, I do not regret joining. Hm.. only sometimes, when commander Erwin sends me to babysit cadets like you."
"Oh...", he lowered his gaze and I couldn't help but laugh again.
"Come on, cadet! I'm just joking, you guys aren't even the worst we've ever had. Now, to seriously answer your question: no. No matter how hard things might get, I believe we have a very important mission to fulfill. We don't wear the wings of freedom by accident; just one successful mission of ours can mean a huge leap for mankind in our fight against them. I'd willingly give my life for that.", Easier said than done, Martha...
"Hm... I see...", he nodded, looking towards a pulsating light coming from one of the trees on the other side of camp, probably Eren or Mikasa. As I expected, everything was fine and they were just checking on Jean. After everything went dark again, I turned once again to the forest side, to the exposed roots of the trees that shone in the soft moonlight that came down in slim beams.
"Lieutenant?"
"Hm?", I sighed.
"Can I ask another question?"
"I don't know cadet, can you? You're awfully chatty tonight, aren't you?", my remark made him turn from me and face the camp side. I smiled softly.
"I'm sorry... Nevermind then."
"What is it?"
"Well... since we got to the Corps, no one's ever seen you with a team or anything and, being you a lieutenant, we just thought it was a bit strange. Is there any reason behind it?
"There is. They died, cadet.", I kept my eyes fixated on the small puddles of light on the forest floor. There was no use in lying; sooner or later, they'd all face the death of comrads. Better to know that now than to be surprised by it on the field. "Your colleague, Jaeger, didn't tell you? He was already in the Corps when it happened."
"No... I'm sorry for having asked, mam. I didn't know.", I turned to face him with a serious gaze and my jaw clenched.
"It happens. People die. Those who aren't good enough don't survive. If you don't want to be a story others tell around the campfire, then I suggest you train harder. I'm going to check up on the other two.", I leaped from branch to branch with a tightness in my chest I couldn't shake off. Being cold and harsh in front of them was easy but, alone, I knew I was a mess inside.
My journey in the Corps wasn't an easy one; in the beginning, the sheer amount of training left me exhausted many times, to the point of not being able to stand but, everytime I thought about quitting, Nate's frightened look came back to haunt me and I knew I would never be at peace if I didn't succeed.
My first squad leader, Major Holt, was very strict and took pride in having one of the top teams in the Corps. When I was placed under his command, he was specially rough with me and I hated it, I cried every night, until I realized that it was his own way of motivating his soldiers to get better. A few years later, after having Erwin help me plan strategies and my interest in such matters, when we were trying to set up base camp outside Wall Rose, a small injury that Major Holt had dismissed cost him his life and I intervened, devising an extraction plan that worked and we managed to rescue the remaining soldiers.
That was how Erwin make me lieutenant. Everyone around me seems to endup dying... I should be used to it by now but.. it stills hurts so much...
"
Ackerman, how are things here?", I asked, landing on athe branch she stood on.
"Nothing out of the ordinary, mam."
"Hm... Ackerman... You're not related to Lance Corporal Levi by any chance, are you?"
"Not that I know of... Did something happen for you to have come here, mam? Our hour and a half hasn't finished yet."
"Nothing, cadet. Nothing you should worry about.", I scouted the dense forest with my gaze and thought I saw something move. The air was quiet but the night sounds would easily cover up and distant sound from the distance I guessed the creature to be. I focused my stare and it looked like some animal running towards the camp. "Handle this, please.", I pointed at the large shadow that drew near at a rapid pace. She nodded and jumped, piercing the wild boar with her shiny swords before it even knew what had happened. In seconds, she was by my side once more.
"The blood doesn't evaporate...", she noticed in a bland tone, looking at her soiled blades.
"Not bad, Mikasa", a faint smile was painted on my lips when I said this, whilst looking at the moon. "I didn't expect anything else from the best cadet in the regiment. I wouldn't be surprised if Captain Levi invited you to join his team."
"I don't worry about that, mam. I'll go where Eren goes.", she secured the blades inside the metal holsters and sat down, pulling one knee up to her chest and balancing slightly the other leg.
"That devotion... could be dangerous, you know that, don't you?"
"I have to protect him. If it wasn't for me, he'd be dead by now."
"Suit yourself, cadet.", I sighed. "Don't die for a stupid reason. And clean your swords.", I jumped, attaching the cables to the trees next to hers and made way for where Jaeger was. Strange... a wild boar running like that at night... "Cadet, anything to report?", I asked the brunette, once I got close enough.
"No, mam.", he muttered, leaning against the trunk, staring into the dark forest. "It must've been hard to convince captain Levi to let me come here with just you watching over me.", he said, turning his face to meet my gaze, walking a bit closer. I smiled softly.
"I'm the one conducting the exercise, Jaeger, but I'm more than sure that he sent someone else here to watch you.", I gave him a pat on the back with enough strenght to make him almost lose his balance. "So don't go around turning into a titan, or else, I'm the one who's going to get a bad rep.", I laughed.
"Oh, right. Of course, mam!", he replied. I looked at the position of the moon and it looked like it was the right time.
"Your shift is near the end. The others probably know this already, but go tell them anyways.", I saw them exchange light signals and the boy saluted me before leaping off the branch.
Well, I guess it's just me now. I looked around, searching for a better spot to do my shift and, laking one, I climbed the tree a bit higher. Good, now I can see a bit better. I sat, leaning against the cold tree trunk and gazed at the camp, where the once burning fires where no more than piles of smoking cinders. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment.
The sound of 3-D gear cables startled me and someone landed on my branch.
"He did well.", I said, turning to face the silhouette beside me. Levi had sent Petra to watch over the boy afterall.
"So far.", she replied, sighing. "He seems like a good person but he doesn't fully control his powers yet... Anyways, what's the plan for tomorrow?"
"Cartography. The same as every other year."
"Yeah... seems like it was only yesterday that we were here...", she smiled melancholically. "Sometimes I miss it."
"Being a naive cadet? Hardly.", I laughed.
"That as well. Right now, they have nothing to worry about. Except maybe Eren and those other two, Mikasa and Armin."
"Jaeger? He can handle himself. Don't get too attached, you know what happens."
"I know... Sometimes, I just can't help it... He's still a kid and he needs someone to look after him once in a while."
"I guess... By the way, do you want to leave your things in the camp with us?"
"No, don't mind. Captain gave me strict orders to keep my distance unless it was utterly necessary."
"Suit yourselt. Have you even eaten anything?"
"Don't worry about me, Martha.", she smiled. "How are you holding up?"
"I'm fine, don't worry."
"Are you going to accept a new squad? I've heard commander Erwin wanted to assign you one for when the Special Ops Team wasn't needed."
"Are you serious?", I felt my stomach turn just remembering what had happened to the previous one. "I... I don't know..."
"It could be just rumours. Some people think you're not suited to lead a team after what happened. And that you shouldn't even be a lieutenant."
"I know...", I sighed. Silence shrouded us both for a few minutes. "Listen, I... I don't think I've ever told you this but, when Major Holt had the accident, I'm really sorry I yelled at you and disobeyed your orders."
"Eh, don't give it much thought. Everything turned out alright in the end."
"Still, Petra. I didn't follow the rules and I put us in danger."
"We managed to bring back Rose and Jane. It was a tough call; trying to guess now what would've happened is useless.", I sat a bit closer to her and my head fell to meet her shoulder, resting on it. "Well, someone is a bit feely today, Martha. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I am... It's just that... coming back here... reminds me of them.", I whispered, my voice refusing to sound any louder. How vulnerable could I be in front of her? I can't... I don't have that luxury. I sat up straight and got up, right arm pressing on the trunk.
"Oh... Are you really sure? You've been acting weird lately."
"No, everything's fine, Petra.", now wasn't the time to show weakness. In fact, it never was.
"You know you can talk to me, right?"
"Of course I do. I'm just a bit tired and that makes my mood drop a bit."
"I was starting to get worried.", she smiled. "You're always so cold."
"Hey! I'm not cold! I'm a cute fluffy person!", I laughed. "Seriously now, feelings aren't for people like us, who dwell outside of the walls."
"I don't agree. Thinking about my family has helped me a lot when I was outside.", she lied down, lacing hers fingers behind her head.
"I guess it depends on the people then...", my family was long dead. They'd died during the attack on Wall Maria and I didn't have anymore relatives that I knew of. If my parents knew I'd join the Corps, they'd probably collapse.
Being a religious man, my father had strongly opposed my joining the military forces since they 'soiled' the divine walls. When I decided to choose the Garrison instead of the Military Police, he stopped talking to me and never looked me in the eyes, it was as if I'd become a stranger in the family and he had no qualms about kicking me out of the house. My brother, Fred, did the same thing.
My mother, despite being a bit disappointed, took it rather well after I explained my reasons. The whole corrupted schemes behind the police had made me turn away from that branch. I'd be lying if I said that, at the time of choosing, I'd left the area in front of the Survey Corps' recruiting stage out of fear of the outside. Ironic, isn't it? Years later and here you are Martha, wanting to spend more time out than in.
And so, I arrived at the Garrison. Our district was commanded by captain Ronald Aberdeen and the front section, where I was stationed, was supervised by captain Jack Strauss. I'd heard about commander Pixis from Wall Rose and, after a couple of lectures he gave us and the stories I'd heard from him, one of my goals was to be promoted so I could work in close proximity to him. It wasn't hard to get Captain Strauss to notice me; after all, from the top 10 in my trainnee's squad, I was one of the only people to join the Garrison.
Because of this, when the three best new recruits were selected to enter the Wall Games, Nate, Ray and I, were chosen to go. Nate and Ray weren't from my team although they were from the front section like me. At the time, Ray was my best friend there, despite being the closed off person she was. Another 9 recruits came from the other three districts and we competed to see who was going to represent Wall Maria at the Games. During the 100 years of peace, the captains of the Garrison decided to organise these games, to keep a healthy level of competition between the three walls and to give some sort of entertainment to the commoners who didn't get leisure time.
The winners got to spend a whole month inside Wall Sina, under the supervision of the Garrison commander (Pixis, as of a few years back) and got a bonus that equaled about two months of a regular soldier's salary. That year, our team won and that's when Nate and I started talking.
"It's almost dawn...", muttered Petra, looking at the now pinkish orange sky.
"True.", I sighed; lately, I seemed to do that a lot. "Jaeger's group is sweeping the north flank, I'm assuming you'll check on them, right?"
"Exactly. I'd better get going before the wake up. I'll see you later.", she smiled and jumped towards the trees. I got down from where I was and walked through the tents until I reached the wagon, near the center of the camp. I hit the metal holsters I was carrying with the crosspiece of the swords, making a sharp and high pitched metal sound.
"Wake up, kids!", I shouted, sitting while I was waiting for them. The first ones to leave their tents were Sasha (she was propably hungry already) and Armin. They saluted me. "Good morning, cadets."
"Morning, mam!"
"The others? Still asleep?"
"Probably, mam!"
"Well then, wake them up!", they rushed to get everyone and I took the oportunity to go to my tent, taking a corrected map of the region and starting to trace the areas each team would guard during the hunting exercise.
The goal was to hunt a wild boar. Apparently, it had monstrous proportions and, just a few weeks earlier, it had attacked a bunch of hunters. We always had an exercise of the sort, to help the villages nearby. The year before, we had to restore houses; this year, the hunt.
According to the reports, it's territory extended throughout the most of our designated area, therefore, I intended to divide it in sectors, that the various teams, Alpha to Delta would sweep through until they found the animal. After what I'd seen from Mikasa, I had no doubts that they could do this on their own but, just in case it was necessary, I'd step in. Walking back to the wagon, I check to make sure everyone was there and awaiting orders.
"Very well, now that you're all here, eat, gear up and do what you have to do. And take the fucking signal flares.", I spat, scribbling the map I was holding. .year. some idiot forgot to take them and got lost or something and then it was hell to find them.
"Right.", they nodded.
"Jaeger, Ackerman, Lenz, Arlert, I want those reports at sundown, got it?"
"Yes, mam!"
"Lieutenant?", Kirstein called me, before he went to get some food.
"What?"
"You're not coming with us?"
"Someone needs to look after the encampment. What? Are you affraid to go alone with your teammates, Jean? You can stay here with me if you want, I could use having an errand boy with here."
"Ham... no... I.. I'd better get going, mam", he babbled a bit.
"Go on, disappear from my sight.", I rolled my eyes. Soon after, they'd already eaten and left to start the morning work. Peace, at last. I went to give food to my horse and slowly brushed him, leaning my head against its side to hear the calm breathing. I stroke his neck and he neighed, looking at me. "We've been through a lot, you and me. But you're just a horse, it's not like you understand...", I stepped away.
After cleaning my equipment, I got back to the maps, finishing the terrain division. I still had to plan the last activity: the flag game. For that, Erwin had sent a bow with special material, more specifically paint and wooden replacements for their swords. I'd only worry about it closer to the end of our stay but I had to think of the team placement for the match.
Grabbing a bit of stiff bread, I nibbled on it slowly, while I mapped out the possibilities. Colored smoke caught my attention and I got up, looking more carefully at it. Red flare... flares?... those kids, ugh. I dropped the maps and mounted the horse without a proper saddle, moving swiftly throught the trees until I reached the plains that stood between the forest and the entrance to a canyon.
"What happened?", I asked, jumping of the horse and walking rapidly towards the cadets.
"Eren... he didn't attach his cables the proper way", answered Armin, in a worried tone.
"Where is he?"
"Here", a voice called me from inside the canyon. There, Petra was kneeling by the passed out kid. He had a piece of blood stained fabric by his forehead. "He just passed out. I tried to reach him on time but it was too late. We're lucky he regenerates so fast or else I don't know what would've happened."
"Hm... Still.. it's best if we take him back to the camp.", I picked him up with her help and we left towards the horses. "Ymir, you're know the lider. I want a written report on the day on my hand, after dinner. Carry on with your original plan. Where's his horse?"
"Here, mam.", Sasha gave me it's reins while chewing on something.
"Listen up, brats. That map doens't tell you what material the things are made. That", I pointed at the tall red walls that towered many meters above us "do not; I repeat DO NOT hold your weight when you're using 3-D gear.", I showed them the tips of the cables. "This cannot be secured safely there. If you ever encounter something like this out there, either double back or pray your horse is fast enough. Warn Mikasa's team when you meet. Proceed.", I strapped Eren to me after I mounted his horse and we got back to the camp.
"YOU IDIOT!", I yelled, slapping him when he woke up. Several hours had passed. In fact, dusk had already settled in.
"Ow, that hurt!"
"You knew that it was dangerous. Wasn't the Gama Team story enough?", I growled.
"I thought I'd found a way to get past it. I'm sorry, lieutenant."
"Sorry isn't enough, Lee!", I yelled, only noticing my mistake after. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second. "Eren, that stupid attitude of yours will be your undoing. You're not immortal or invencible, not even close.", I muttered, drawing one of my swords and grazing his neck skin with it, before he even had the chance to move. "If I wanted, you could be dead by now."
"What are you doing, Martha...?", asked Petra, from behind me. I heard her moving slowly, ready to tackle me if needed.
"When this moron learns to value his own life, maybe he'll be of some use.", I walked out of the tent and sheathed my blade. "You are forbidden of participating in further activities until I decide otherwise.", there was no response. Mikasa eagerly waited outside, in hopes of seeing him.
"Eren, I-"
"No one is to see him", I interrupted her.
"Mam, I need to-"
"Be quiet, Ackerman. Go arrange dinner with the rest of your team."
"You don't understand, I-"
"Enough, Mikasa.", I held her wrist when she tried to go through me. I felt her trying to do a counter and reacted, ending up with a knee on the back, her face near the floor. "Ackerman, don't ever try shit like that again. Go to your team and tell them to start prepping dinner and I don't want to see you looming near Jaeger's tent until I allow it. No one is to see him. Are we clear?!"
"Yes... mam.", she answered, gritting her teeth while she walked away. I entered my tent, and sat, pulling the maps closer to me. Eren would stay out of the activities during the following day and after that stunt, I felt like doing the same to Mikasa. No, I've got it. After checking that I didn't have to change the planning, I left the tent, towards the campfires, where the cadets were talking.
"How's Eren, mam?", asked Armin, visibly worried.
"He's okay."
"Can we see him?"
"No, he's being punished."
"But why, it was an accident!", yelled the blonde boy.
"Oy...", I took a deep breath. "Well, lets go, plank."
"What...?", they stood still, looking at eachother. I was growing rather impatient.
"Let's go. I'm tired of this insolence. We aren't friends, you aren't even soldiers yet! And you think you can yell at me, your superior?!", I screamed, my voice cracking in the process. "Zero... one...", they kept going. "Who am I?!", I asked, but no one answered. Some even stopped and raised their heads to look at me. "I didn't tell you to stop, did I? I asked: who am I?!"
"Lieutenant Martha Krieger, mam!", some answered.
"Just that?", silence took over the camp.
"No, mam. Lieutenant Martha Krieger, Gamma Team leader. Responsible for Jason Lee, Kayla O'Conner, Marla Sanchez and Jake Logan, who died during the 56th expedition while crossing a wrongly mapped canyon.", my face heat up with rage as I turned to face Jaeger, who'd left his tent.
"What... are you doing here?", I asked slowly, trying to remain calm. I clenched my jaw and felt my muscles tense up. "Get back to your tent at once, cadet."
"I came to ask permition to join my colleagues in their punishment."
"Denied. Get lost, Jaeger. Don't make me drag you out of here."
"Mam, I wanted to-"
"You wanted to apologize? Keep your trap shut and get out of my way. You", I turned to the others "you can spot doing pushups now. Dare to disrespect me again. Move, Jaeger, lets go.", I walked behind him until the reached his tent. as he was starting to enter it, I called him. "What are you doing? You're not going to rest now. Come.", I took him to the edge of the camp, where one could only hear faint sounds of the conversations of the other cadets. "Stop."
"What are we doing here?"
"On the ground, now.", instinctively, he threw himself, covering his head with his hands. "You wanted to join your friends' punshiment so eagerly, so I'll give you one just for you. Zero... one-" he carried on. "Don't worry, Petra, I won't kill him."
"I'll have to report this."
"I know. Could you check if the others are doing alright?", she nodded and left. "Jaeger, have you ever seen a person dying?"
"Y-yes.", he answered between pushups.
"Did you like it? Was it fun? Do you want to see it again?"
"N-no."
"On your feet. What you did was reckless and stupid. Just testing the walls on the ground wouldn've showed you that it wasn't safe. Unnecessary deaths are a waste. Go finish your report. Tomorrow you'll stay here with me.", I got back, not worrying to check if he was coming behind me. I sat by the fires where the cadets were, gaze at the dancing flames.
"Lieutenant?", a soft voice pulled me out of my trance.
"Lenz, yes?"
"Here's mine and Ymir's reports.", she gave me two sheets of paper.
"Thank you, dismissed.", soon after, Mikasa and Armin gave me theirs. Jaeger eventually showed up with his as well.
"Eren, go tell Ymir that she's leading the team tomorrow", he nodded and left.
"Mam?"
"What?", I asked roughly, meeting Jean's eyes on the other side of the campfire.
"I wanted to ask your help with some technical stuff on the map."
"What's the matter?", he was going to start telling me from the other side of the fire but it was impossible for me to understand from that far away. "Sit next to me, do you think I can see to all the away there?"
"It's this area here, we where thinking that it would be good to-", he started explaining in a soft voice.
"Kirstein, you're not the leader of your team, are you?"
"No..."
"It's Mikasa. Where is she then? If you guys don't understand something there, she's the one that needs to ask me, not you. But since you're here now, I'll explain.", it wasn't anything major but I might as well tell the others. "Talk to the others about this."
"We wanted to apologize for our behaviour, mam", it was Armin. Mikasa was slightly behind him as he spoke. "Our attitude wasn't the best."
"Sorry isn't going to cut it, cadets. Defying and official on the field like that could have serious consequences. I don't want this to happen again, you hear? Specially you, Ackerman. Pull a stunt like that again... this is your only warning. Now, about tomorrow, you know where it's safe to use your equipment and where it isn't. I'd say: test new terrain without taking too many risks.", I took Jean's map and made a few circles around some areas. "Be careful here, some wells are covered during this time of the year. Let me see your progress.", despite some mistakes, they were doing a pretty good job.
"Did you come here on the previous years as well, lieutenant?", asked me Krista, nibbling on a potato.
"It's my... third year as soldier. I didn't come here during my recruit year."
"Oh... okay.", everything fell silent. The only sound was the calm cracking of the fires as the burned the logs. I laid face up on the ground, resting my head on my arm and gazing at the night sky. "Mam?"
"Yes, Lenz? Any questions?"
"No, no... it's just that... did you come here with your team as well?"
"Of course, they came here last year as soldiers and the precious as cadets."
"Do you miss them?"
"Oh, Lenz", I sighed, "you're gonna have a hard time here, being so sensitive... missing them or not is irrelevant. Life goes on.", I avoided the question. Of course I missed them, but I couldn't let it affect me.
"Hm... I understand..."
"You better go to bed.", she saluted me and said goodbye to the others around the fire, those being Armin and Jean. The short boy left soon after.
"Kirstein, rest up, first shift is Delta."
"Mam, Gamma Team died because of wrong mapping?", he ignored me. "What sort of mistake was it?"
"The map said it was a wide mouth canyon, with walls made of dense, strong material. We got trapped and the titans surrounded us.
"How did you escape?"
"Luck... sometimes, it's the only thing one does have. Now, goodnight, Jean.", I yawned and shoo-ed him with my hand but he remained seated.
"May I ask a question?"
"Always with the fucking questions...", I raised a hand to my forehead, pressing where a headache was starting to form. "What is it now?"
"Petra... she.. do you know if she..."
"What?", I couldn't stifle a laugh. "Kirstein, are you interested in her?"
"Ahm, no.. I.."
"Look, she's a bit older than me but... are you serious, cadet?"
"She's... good looking, lieutenant, don't tell me you've never had a crush on an officer!"
"I'm going to forgive that tone, Jean, because it's late and I've had a long day. Yes, I have, but I had other things to do than fawning over someone."
"Really? Who was it?"
"Goodnight, Kirstein.", I furrowed my brow. "Unless you want to do more pushups, that is."
"Nevermind, mam. Goodnight.", he got up and disappeared inside one of the tents in a hurry. I sighed, massaging my templs and my lips curled into a slight smile. I had been like that, unworried. But after Nate, there had been no one else. I went to Jaeger's tent, where Petra was keeping watch.
"Any trouble?", I asked, sitting by her.
"No. Not yet, at least... We need to wait to see if something happens. The last time he got severely injured, he endedup turning for no reason at all.", Hange had told me the story and we were planning on finding out what had happened, since the mechanism of his transformations was still mostly unknown to us.
"We shouldn't have him sleep in the middle of the camp then, should we?"
"In theory, there isn't any problem, I think his wounds are mostly healed, so there's no danger."
"Hm...", I sighed. "I'll probably keep watch during the whole night. If you want to rest, then go ahead."
"Nah, it's fine.", she looked distractedly at the campfires that burned slowly. "I honestly never thought you'd come this far."
"Hm? What do you mean?"
"When you arrived, the majority of us thought you wouldn't last a month."
"Oh...", Wow, the majority? I didn't know it was that much... "I was terrible, I know."
"You did a lot of progress-", she stopped talking when a sound came from inside the tent. "Eren, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am..", he sat up slowly, resting his forehead on this palm and furrowing his brow. "It was just a nightmare."
"How do you feel?"
"I'm okay.", Petra sighed in relief.
"Go back to sleep. I'll be here, if you need anything.", she smiled. He did the same and laid down again. I started to walk away and she accompained me for a bit.
"You're really getting attached to him, aren't you?", I asked, not facing her.
"He's just a kid, he needs someone to look after him.", she replied.
"It's about time he stood on his own two feet.", I snarled in a dry fashion.
"You were like him once.", her voice came out cold. "You were older when you got here and it's been five years, but I didn't think you'd forget that easily", I keep silent. "I don't approve of what you did to him. I didn't want to call you out in front of him, so I'm doing it now."
"Why? I didn't do anything wrong."
"You let your anger cloud your judgement. He didn't deserve a punishment that hard. Neither did the others.", she lowered her head. "Have we taught you nothing these years? I get why people think you should be ranked down again."
"What?...", I turned to her, not raising my voice. If she was telling me this then... there was no way I could ignore it.
"You don't have enough experience. Learn from us for a change. Stop trying to be the best at everything and just learn first. You've improved a lot since you came here but it's not enough; not when peoples' lives depend on you." What the hell does she want then? For me to be nice? To ask help?...
"Do you really think that?"
"Yes."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Isn't it obvious? You're on my team again and I want you to succeed and I want us to help people and you, being like that will throw a wrench on our machine. It's better that I tell you now than having to be the captain.", I sighed, suddenly plagued by sadness.
"Do you think that... I could've avoided what happened to Lee and the others?"
"I can't tell you that. I don't know. What's done is done. I need to get back. Think about what I've said."
"Right... You were always one of the people who pushed me the most to get better, after Holt... I feel like I should thank you."
"Show me you've learned and I'll be happy.", she smiled, disappearing behind the tents. I'd reached the edge of the camp without even noticing. I got up on of the trees and signalled Delta team to fill me in of what was happening.
Hours later, Alpha team started their watch. I was sitting against the tree trunk. I didn't want to agree with Petra. No one want to admit they have flaws, or atleast, I didn't. Being relatively knew and having recieved a promotion... probably inflated my ego a bit too much, that I could understand. We always endup finding excuses for our bad actions. Either way, if I wanted to keep being respected and my position, I need to grow.
"Hello, mam.", I heard Jean's voice, suddenly next to me.
"Cadet!", I almost jumped. "Hello, Kirstein."
"Everything okay? You seemed to be in a trance."
"Yes, I was thinking. Listen, I...", swallow the pride and acknowledge mistakes, Martha, let's go. "I was too harsh on you. I'm very sorry. Have you discussed the plan for tomorrow?"
"Well,", he sat next to me "we were thinking of going all together but we realised that it would take longer to sweep the area. Is Eren really suspended from all activities?", he gazed at the dark forest behind me.
"Only for tomorrow. I need to punish such a reckless behaviour but, during the afternoon, he'll probably be free to go with you. In all seriousness, I want to make sure that he is fine before sending him out again. I can't have him turning into a titan during the exercise."
"If he did turn, what would happen?"
"Well, Petra's orders are to eliminate him if he loses control. We can't lose such an asset for a reason as stupid as this. As you probably know, the Military Police wants him as well."
"Yes, I know."
"Right. We can't afford to lose such a big advantage.", he nodded. "Where are you from, Kirstein?"
"Wall Rose, where the last attack took place."
"What about your family? Did you get to see them?"
"Yes", he breathed in relief. "they're okay, luckily, we like near the inner gate, so they were evacuated almost immediately. What about your family, mam?"
"You don't go around asking people about their families, cadet.", I joked.
"You just did that to me..!"
"I guess I'd be setting a poor example if I asked and didn't want to answer in return, right? Well, Jean... my family wasn't as lucky as you. They all died during the attack on Wall Maria. I used to live in the Shiganshina district."
"Oh, I see...", he muttered, lowering his gaze.
"It was a long time ago, shit happens", I dismissed the issue. "You can't save everyone."
"I also... couldn't save a friend... Marco.. I found him on the street, no one even knows what happened..."
"Jean,", I let my hand rest on his shoulder. "I don't know who this Marco was but you shouldn't let yourself be haunted by things like those. Learn from them, then let it go. I've seen people get mad in the Corps. It's not a pretty sight to see", I closed my hand and felt the scar breaking the evenness of the skin. How could I ever forget... "No one will tell you this, it's something you learn on the field. Titans aren't the only threat we face. The enemy can also be here.", I pointed a finger to my temple.
"Jean?", a female voice called, from the ground.
"Oy..? You expecting someone, Kirstein?", I raised an eyebrow.
"No but... this voice...oh no, Suzie..", he hid his face in his palm.
"What's wrong with cadet Suzanna?"
"Jeeeean? Are you there?", the voice became more insistent.
"Well, how can I put it... she has sort of a... crush on me.", I couldn't help but laugh at his exasperated expression.
"Aren't you going to answer her? The girl is clarely trying to gain your attention."
"But... I'm on watch duty...!", he rushed to counter. Of course you are... But if it were Mikasa to come here, you wouldn't be busy then...
"I guess you're right. Hey, Basak!", I raised my voice and her barking ceased. I attached one of my cables to the trunk and descendend to the ground, catching her while she tried to escape. "So, Suzanna, is there something you want to tell Kirstein?"
"M-me? Oh no, mam."
"You can tell, though. Being awake after hours isn't something I recommend. If you're not tired enough, I could always give you some chores to do."
"Seriously, mam, don't worry, I was just out for a-"
"Listen, cadet Basak, I know Kirstein has a manly complexion with his horse face and all..."
"You too, lieutenant?!...", we heard him yell from the branch.
"... But don't let yourself get distracted by something like that. He's on watch duty and you should be resting. Get out of my sight", I raised my hand to my forehead, smiling. Oh, young love. Even when faced with danger, the hormones speak louder. I climbed back up and sat facing the forest.
"Thanks, mam."
"Don't thank me. Focus on watching"
"Can I ask a question?"
"Yes...", I huffed.
"Nevermind, then..."
"Right, well Kirstein, I'm going to take a stroll and check the traps. Call me if you see anything weird."
"Will do, mam. Goodnight, lieutenant."
"Goodnight."
I walked around the edge of the camp, checking that none of the traps had been triggered. I noticed movement in the midst of the tens, a shadow nearing the cinder that was left from the fires. I walked towards it and noticed it was Armin, who had sat next to the warmt, holding a pencil and a notebook.