Chapter 5: Friends with benefits.

"Anna, are you alright?" I hear Rapunzel asking from the seat to my right, while we wait for Mr. Tatch to arrive.

"Yeah, of course, Punz. Why do you ask?" I answer, procuring to sound as normal as possible.

"Well… you've been acting strange lately." I shoot her a quizzical look, urging her to explain herself. "You're less talkative, and more irritable." She says carefully.

"I'm not…!"

"And you don't interact with anyone except Hans and his friends." She interrupts me before I can protest further.

"I'm talking to you."

"But this is the longest conversation we've had in weeks! We barely see each other anymore." Then she pauses, only to add with a sad tone of voice: "I thought we were friends."

"What?" I ask puzzled. Why would she say that? "Of course we are, Punz. It's just…" I bite my lip before my useless mouth reveals something I don't want Rapunzel to know. "I've been busy, okay?"

"Doing what, exactly?"

"Things… just things." I answer vaguely, even if I know she won't be satisfied with my answer.

"With Hans?"

I feel a pang of pain in my chest. Yes, I've been busy with Hans, but no one must know about it; it's not something I want everyone else to be aware of; even if Snow and the others say I should be proud of it, the truth is I'm ashamed of myself and I know that what I'm doing isn't right.

"… No?" I answer, but it comes out more like a question. She looks at me in a way I know she is not believing me, but decides to let it slip for now.

"With Snow, then? Bullying Elsa?" She says in an accusing tone.

Elsa… It's been two months since I last talked to her… In a friendly way at least. The firsts few times I bullied her I felt a little guilty, but now I don't feel anything for her anymore, except despise and hate. At least, that's what I tell myself. But, no, bullying Elsa is just a hobby of mine, not something I regularly do, however, I prefer Rapunzel to think that I've been busy doing that, than to know the truth.

"Yes." I simply answer, shrugging.

"Why? What did she do to you?

"

"I think I explained that to you about a month ago." I roll my eyes in exasperation.

"But what you've done to her is far worst." She protests. "Do you need me to remind you? You daubed plasticine in her hair…"

"She didn't even noticed that!" I scream defensively, but she just ignores me.

"… You slapped her and yelled awful things to her…"

"She admitted she'd been just pretending to be my friend."

"… You painted hurtful words on her locker." Well, I don't have an excuse for that. "You threw food at her plenty of times, you stole her homework the day the teacher was going to collect it, you made her trip plenty of times, and you've mocked of her in her face and spread nasty rumors of her at her back. Did I miss something?"

I stole her book and ripped off some pages, and I've recorded some videos of my friends harassing her.

"Look, Rapunzel, it doesn't matter. She doesn't care, okay? She is the Ice Queen. She doesn't feel anything!"

"What do you know? She is a human being! She has to feel something!"

"No, she doesn't!"

I notice I've stood up and I'm yelling quite loudly. This subject is quite delicate for me, since a few times (when I still didn't want to believe Elsa didn't feel anything for me) I tried to approach her, only to be hurt even more, and it all convinced me that her heart is totally frozen. She can't feel but anger and hate.

It had just been a couple of days since Elsa had told me she wasn't really my friend and I was already missing her. I know, it was stupid, because the girl didn't ever have even the smallest interest in me, but I just couldn't help it; when I was with her I felt something real, something powerful. She could be very nice some times, and I truly liked her when she wasn't being an ice bitch. So, maybe we didn't start very well, but we surely could start over, right? I was sure she was a nice person in the inside. She was a friend I was not letting go that easily.

That's why that day I bought her a chocolate as an apology for what I had done a few day ago, and went to speak to her before English class started.

"Uhm… ugh… Hi." I said shyly. She didn't tear her eyes from her notebook, but I knew she was listening to me. "I… I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for slapping you, and saying those things to you the last Thursday." She didn't say anything but I continued anyways, thinking she must have been really pissed off with me. "I also forgive you for what you did, and I was thinking we should leave the past in the past and start over... What do you think?" I asked nervously, afraid of rejection.

"No." She simply said, without even looking at me.

"N-no?" I stuttered. "B-but why? Look, if it is because of what I did, and a simple 'sorry' is not enough for you, then accept this as a peace-offering." I said handing her the chocolate. She finally looked up, but only to return a second latter to her notes.

"I don't like chocolate." She said.

I tried to keep calm and not let her words get to me, but I still felt hurt by what she said, and even a knot appeared on my throat. However, I wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"W-well, then tell me, what do I have to do for you to forgive me?

"There's nothing you can do. I won't ever forgive you, so don't come near to me ever again."

"Please, Elsa, I know you care about me. I know you want to be my friend just as much as I want to be yours." I pleaded, not caring that my dignity literally fell to the ground because of this. "You may have said otherwise a few days ago, but I know that, while executing your evil plan, you actually started seeing me as more than a means to obtain your revenge against Hans and his friends."

I saw her jaw tense up and her pen drop. Then she looked up at me with such fury that I even backed up one step.

"You don't know anything about me, so don't go around assuming things. The Elsa you knew doesn't exist, it was just a show to gain you trust. Now, stop bothering me and go away!" She said the last part standing up and pointing towards the door.

"B-but…" I started.

"GO AWAY!"

In that moment I realized I had been in denial all that time. She had made it clear she didn't want me around, she had explicitly said she couldn't bear my presence, and I had accepted that fact during that dreadful day, but a part of me was still holding onto the little hope that was still there, even if everything was telling me it was just mindless dreaming. I had to kill that part of me that still wanted to be with Elsa if I wanted to be happy, to be perfect, to really be part of Hans' circle. And so, I did the first thing that came to my mind and pushed Elsa, making her fall backwards. That's how my unending torture towards her started.

I shake my head, trying to get rid of those painful memories and return back to present.

"I don't think Mr. Tatch is going to come today. I'll just go now. See you, Punz." I say with a tone that doesn't admit retort and head out of the classroom, without sparing my friend a second glance.

I run to the school yard, praying not to meet Mr. Tatch in my way, to avoid him asking me why I'm not in his class, but instead I find someone walking in the opposite direction with a slow pace and her head down. Someone with platinum blonde hair. I smile; this is perfect, it'll help me release frustration. I continue walking and, when I'm passing next to her, I purposely hit her shoulder with mine, making her drop the books she was carrying.

"Watch where you're going." I say, stopping to see her kneeling down to pick up her belongings. Seeing she doesn't say anything or even show any sign of hearing me, I get angrier. "What? You won't even say sorry?" She stands up and starts walking, as if I didn't even exist. "Hey! Now I don't deserve even a small apology?" I say furiously running to stand in front of her and keep her from getting away. She continues looking at the ground, as I were not even there. She really despises me, doesn't she? Well, I'll show her no one can ignore me.

With a quick movement I grab her headband and hold it out of her reach saying:

"Now, say you're sorry and I'll return it to you.—She doesn't say anything, she just tries to reach it, even jumping a little, and, since she's slightly taller than me, she almost gets it back, but I quickly put it behind my back. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and finally looks at my face, just to say then with a cold voice:

"Give me my headband."

"No." I say curtly.

"P-please." She says, her cold face disappearing just a second, showing apparent vulnerability. "I… I'm sorry for hitting you." Yikes! She is a good actress.

"Well, now that you said it so nicely…" I feign to be thinking, putting a finger on my chin. "Mmmmh… No, I won't."

"But I already said I'm sorry." She protests slightly upset.

"Yes, but it's not enough." I smirk. Now I'll practice something I learned from Snow. "What about you get on your knees and…?"

"Give that to me now, Anna!" She says with a loud voice and extending her arm, this time looking really angry. Now, this is my favorite part.

"Or what?" I ask with a bitchy attitude, wanting to piss her off even more.

"Or… or I'll tell everyone you're sleeping with Hans."

My smile disappears in that instant and the color leaves my face. What the actual fuck?! I wasn't expecting that. Of course it is a lie, though a really believable one, and it's not too far away from the truth either. It hurts me deeply. Way too deeply. For a moment I'm not even able to speak.

"I… I'm sorry." She says, deviating her gaze to the floor. "It's just that I saw you kissing him and… Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." She closes her eyes sighing and, if I didn't know better, I could have thought she really is sorry. But she can't fool me.

"Don't be." I say, sounding more confident than I really am, crossing my arms over my chest. "There's no need for that." She places her gaze on me again, looking confused. "I'm not actually sleeping with Hans yet, but it honors me that you thought that. Hans is a fine gentlemen and, as you must know, quite handsome, smart and charming. So, nope, it wouldn't bother me if you told everyone in this High that I've been in his bed. Actually I'm proud to say that someone like him placed his interest in someone like me, even if it is in a sexual way." As I say those words it's as if I was actually trying to convince myself, but my insecurities don't show on the exterior.

"Don't you feel… y'know… degraded?" She asks almost carefully.

Yes, of course. Do you even have to ask it?

"Of course not, I mean it's Hans! What about you? Don't you feel degraded? I mean no one ever have expressed their desire to sleep with you, and honestly who would? I mean, you're… you." I eye her with despise and I see a small glint of pain in those beautif-… ehem those cold eyes of her. Yep, just cold. No feelings. "You should be thankful if an ugly and dirty tramp ever dared to rape you."

I see her close her eyes and her face turn bright red, the veins in her forehead even standing out a little, and I think she is going to burst in rage. Literally. I'm even thinking I should apologize before she gets so mad she hurts me badly (maybe even physically) but what happens next catches me out of guard. She opens her eyes, which now are red and watery, and runs away really fast, letting me wondering if I really just saw her at the edge of tears or if it was only my imagination.

M-maybe I shouldn't have said that. I think this time I really crossed the line, I may have hurt her for real.

I'm about to feel sorry for her, and maybe even guilt, when I remember what she's done to me and I shake my head, getting rid of those stupid thoughts of sympathy. She's the Ice Queen after all; she can't feel.

When I arrive at the school yard I don't feel joy or relief, of even calm; I feel dread. Hans is there, sitting in a bench with a dazzling smile, waiting for me. I force a little grin and walk towards him slowly.

"Hello, whore." He says grabbing my waist as soon as I'm at his reach and pulling me towards him, so I end up sitting in his lap.

"H-hi." I say, blushing at the proximity, but feeling uncomfortable at the same time. Maybe because I still like Hans, I just don't like what he's been doing to me.

"Shouldn't you be in History class?"

"Who cares?" I say, feigning that it's not a big deal. "A-after all, all that crap happened centuries ago, right?" I know I'm repeating the exact words he said to me to make me skip History for the first time, but it pleases him, so it doesn't matter. As predicted he smiles widely and pulls me even closer to him.

"Yeah, that's true." He says with a look I know very well, and I gulp in anticipation. "And you have better things to do." He whispers to my ear, making me shiver.

He places an open-mouthed kiss at my neck and continues down, touching every inch of my exposed skin with his wet tongue, while his hands massage my body, touching every place he pleases, and making encountered emotions appear in my heart. I feel a bit of pleasure, yes; it's nice to be touched and kissed in this way, but I also feel repulsion because his saliva grosses me out and I feel anger because, as he said in his greeting, I'm just his whore; he can do whatever he pleases with me and I'm not even his girlfriend. Why did I permit this? You may be wondering… Well, I was very lonely and vulnerable after Elsa stopped speaking to me, and being with Hans somehow filled the hole I felt in my chest for a while, plus I was too innocent in that time (yes, I'm much less innocent just a couple of months latter) and I wasn't entirely conscious about the meaning of this back then, plus he was much more subtle (he didn't call me whore nor touched my private parts). Why I permit it now that I've learn how wrong it is? Well, that's another story. I'm afraid of losing his and his friends' friendship if I told him I just want us to be normal friends. I also think that I may miss the pleasure if I do it, and I think this way I may have an opportunity of being his girlfriend in the future. It all reduces to on simple truth: I don't want to be alone, I have a huge phobia to be alone, and I won't be the one putting myself in that situation.

In that moment he stops practically devouring me and kneading my breasts as if they were some kind of dough, and places me at the bench, at his side. I have to use all my will not to wipe off his saliva from my neck.

"So, did you like it?" He asks, already knowing the answer. I just nod while blushing, too embarrassed to say it out loud, and afraid to let him know by accident how much it grosses me out. "Did you get wet?"

Damn, he always has to ask it, doesn't he?

"A… a little." I answer softly, suddenly interested on my shoes.

"Huh? You usually say "a lot." He states surprised. "Is there something wrong, my friend?"

Friend. That fucking hurts.

"I… I was just thinking."

"You what? "He says chuckling, but I just shoot him a glare. "Okay, not funny." He says, but his smile tells otherwise. "What were you thinking?"

"I…" I close my eyes, take a deep breath and ask the question that's been eating me alive since the first time it appeared on my mind. "Why am I not your girlfriend?"

"I'm sorry, I think I don't understand."

"Yes." I say, more firmly this time that I've gathered more courage. "Why am I not if we do all what a real couple would do?"

"Oh." He says and then scratches one of his sideburns. "Well, this is awkward… you are awkward, actually. I thought I had already explained it to you."

"No, you didn't. You only said it was better if we remained as friends."

"Well, if you really want to know, it's because…" He takes a deep breath and turns to me with a condescending face. "I simply don't like you."

"What?!" Okay, I wasn't expecting that. Of all the things he could have answer, that's the one I dreaded the most. "B-but if you don't like me, why can't we remain as just friends?"

"What's the fun on that?" He asks smirking. "Don't you like it when I touch you, when I kiss you? You are a naughty girl, Anna. You couldn't possibly live without this."

Really? Am I a naughty girl? Well, of course I am. I wouldn't be Hans' personal whore and I wouldn't take pleasure from this if I wasn't. I'm despicable.

"I… I suppose you're right." I say, lowering my head in shame. "B-but I still think we shouldn't be doing this. It's wrong."

"How is it wrong?" He asks so surprised that it makes me forget of my arguments against him.

"Well, it…" I try to say something at least a little bit convincing. "E-Elsa says it's degrading."

I see him glare at me in such a way I even flinch. I should know better now to not ever mention Elsa in front of him if I'm not going to say something nasty about the girl. He grabs a handful of my hair and pulls it, which inflicts me a little of pain and makes me raise my head to face him.

"What does that bitch know about this?" He asks, and then lowers his head to give me a hard bite on the neck and I flinch at the unexpected sensation. "She is just jealous. No one could possibly want her, not even as a friend with benefits." He whispers to my ear and then proceeds to lick my jaw, making a little pleasure surge in my core despite my opposition and disgust towards it. "Do you know the meaning of wrong and right, Anna?" He asks.

"Y-yes…"

"I don't think so." He cuts me off. "Wrong is making someone suffer on purpose. And we are not hurting anyone by doing this."

Well, he is right. There's nothing wrong with being his friend with benefits, then. But, according to his definition, there's another thing I've been doing lately that is terribly wrong.

"Y-you're right." I breathe out. "I think I don't have problems being your friend with benefits, then." I feel him smiling against my neck. "But isn't bullying Elsa wrong?"

He separates from me and glares at me. Again.

Fuck, I keep mentioning her like that, what's wrong with me? Why is she always in my head?

"No, it isn't." He says firmly, leaving it clear that we'll admit no retort. "She is the Ice Queen. She doesn't have feelings. She can't suffer. Got it?"

"B-but…" My mouth starts speaking against my will, but is silenced by Hans' rough lips on mine and his tongue getting into my mouth unexpectedly, making me want to throw up. I was already hating the kiss, when I felt his teeth biting into my lower lip and tasted blood.

Holy shit! That hurts!

He separates from me (thanks god) and wipes the blood from my lips with his thumb, eying at it with satisfaction. Then he cleans it in my shirt, not caring if it leaves an obvious spot.

"Don't show compassion to the enemy, Anna, or else you become the enemy." The crazy look he has in his eyes makes me nod like my life depended on it and he smiles.

I feel helpless, something I hadn't felt before. I always considered myself a strong person, someone who could stand for herself, but I was wrong. I have no defenses against Hans. I'm in his hands. Suddenly, all the emotions I had been repressing during the past two months come crashing to me, adding to the already installed pain of the confession of Hans not liking me; the sadness of losing Elsa, the agony of her multiple rejections, the grief I inflicted on myself every time I saw her mask disappearing, leaving a look of hurt in her eyes that I promptly tried to ignore in order to avoid feeling guilty, the disappointment when Hans told me just the day after he first kissed me that I wasn't his girlfriend, the pain I felt every time he despised me by calling me a whore, the disgust I felt towards myself for not having the guts to protest against it… all of it, all those emotions I tried to ignore for so long suddenly come back to me, and I find myself crying.

"Shhh, Anna. Calm down, it isn't that bad." He says in a soothing tone while caressing my hair and enveloping me with his strong arms.

"I… I'm sorry." I say with a weak voice, though I don't know what I'm apologizing for or even who I'm apologizing to, if Hans, Elsa or myself.

"It's okay, I forgive you. Just don't mention Elsa again if you're not going to say bad things about her." I nod, but continue sobbing in his shoulder, trying to calm down again, to remove all those dreading feelings inside of me that make me unhappy. "Hey." He says suddenly "I know something that will make you feel better."

I look at him with hope, thinking that he may actually be trying to make me feel better, that he cares about me. Maybe he brought some chocolate?

He takes my right hand and places it on his crotch, so I can feel his erection.

I should've known it wasn't chocolate.