I recomend you to read Elsa's POV first if you're also reading Light in the darkness, but of course, it's up to you.
Chapter 7. Pirate women.
I'm lying on my bed. It's been three days since the winter break started and I already feel different. Every time I think about the things I did during school time, I feel as if someone else had done them; I'm not like that at all. Before meeting Snow and the other girls I never before thought much about my appearance, but just a few days ago I was obsessed. I mean, what the hell I was thinking spending four hours per day just getting myself presentable? But at least, that doesn't affect anyone, unlike bullying Elsa every day for no good reason, something that I never before thought I was capable of, after all I was always kind and compassionate… but impulsive and thoughtless, and maybe that's why I ended up doing bad things just to please my friends, to please Hans.
Also, before meeting Hans I was sure as hell that I wanted a boyfriend, someone to love and who I loved in return, not just a relationship based in mere sex… Well not real sex, after all we hadn't done more than touching each other genitals… and a couple of blowjobs… well, five actually, which I may add I really disliked, but it was either that, give Hans my virginity or suffer the consequences, and I'm not brave enough to stand up against his wishes. It's became a problem though, Hans has been insisting more and more lately on the subject, but I'm not sure if I want him to be the first man to be inside me, not when I know he doesn't really love me, and that for him it will be just a "fun time" with no deeper meaning.
That's the reason because of which, when my cellphone starts ringing and I see his name on the screen, I just toss it aside without answering the call. I put my pillow over my head, trying to sleep a little more before my stomach starts growling, asking for food (around midday, probably) and preventing me from staying in bed longer. After a few minutes though, my phone starts ringing again and I try to ignore it, but I know that I won't be able to sleep if it keeps ringing, and Hans is not going to give up on trying to contact me, so I reach for it to turn it down just as the call ends, however, just as I'm about to touch the power button, I see the name of the one who called me: Elsa.
I wasn't expecting her to call me this soon, I mean after all we have two and a half weeks of winter break and it's still the third day. Maybe she was just trying to check if this was actually my number? And I just let the phone ring out. Wonderful. Maybe now she's thinking that I didn't want to answer because I don't care about schoolwork, or that I'm just mean and didn't answer her in purpose, or that I didn't give her my real number. I have to remedy it now.
However, when I'm pressing "call back" at my cellphone screen, a strange sensation invades my body, like anxiety, or nervousness. But why should I be nervous? I don't have time to answer the question because in that moment, I hear Elsa's beautiful voice.
"H-hello?"
"Elsa?" I ask, trying to sound confident.
"A-Anna?" She stutters, clearly as nervous as I am. It's comprehensible though, after all, I've been tormenting her for quite a long time. I suppose she's somewhat scared of me. I feel guilty, actually.
"Did you call me?" I ask her.
"I… uh… uhm…" She stammers cutely, clearly at a loss of words because of her anxiety.
"Did the kitten get your tongue?" I ask giggling.
"I… I don't… have a kitten." She dumbly answers. I'm so distracted by my sweeting hands and the tingling sensation on my belly that I don't realize how ridiculous her answer is and just start vomiting words without even knowing what the hell I'm saying.
"No? That's a shame because they're really cute. I don't have one either though, because my mom is allergic and when she's near one of those she starts sneezing and there are these hives that appear on her skin and… sorry, I'm rambling again. It happens when I'm nervous. N-not that you make nervous. I-I mean you are you and you are nothing worth getting nervous over…" Well, that was bad, but in my defense, I only said it because my subconscious has so much pride that it doesn't want Elsa to know that she in fact makes me nervous. "Sorry, I promised I wouldn't be mean." I quickly apologize. "I'm just not used to have normal conversation with you. Sorry, again. Whatever. Why did you call me?" I finally ask what I should've asked the moment she said hello.
"Uh… To talk about what we have to do for English?" She says, but it's more like a question.
"English…?" I pause, my brain trying to get over the distracting memory of her melodious voice. Suddenly I remember. "Oh, right! English! Pirates! What about it?"
"When do you wanna do it?"
"As soon as possible." I answer, not only because I'm really looking forward to see her outside school and maybe even become her friend, but because (and, at least I tell myself this is the real reason), I don't want the pressure of schoolwork ruining Christmas.
"So… when are you available?" My heart skips a beat. Why? I don't know, but I know something about the way she asked it provoked this strange reaction on me.
"Let me see…" I think for a moment. "Everyday. I mean, it's winter break. I have nothing to do these days."
"Tomorrow, then?"
"Yes! Tomorrow is perfect."
"At… nine AM?"
"Nine?! Are you crazy? I'm still sleeping at that unholy hour!" Really, I've never been a morning person. Before, I never had problems with that because my classes started around eleven, but now that I enter to high school at seven o' clock, I intend to gain during these days the sleep I didn't have during school time. "Midday." I say.
"Eleven." She retorts.
"Half past eleven. Otherwise I will still be half asleep when we meet."
"F-fine." She sighs in resignation. "Give me your address."
"Why does it has to be in my house?" I kinda wanted to see how the place she lives in is.
"Because mine is too small." She answers. Well, I suppose I can't do anything about it, because my house is HUGE, and obviously it'd be more comfortable to be here than in a small place. Besides, this way I won't have to wake up so early.
"Okay." I say and give her my address.
"Half past eleven in your house then." She confirms." See you.
"See you Elsa!" I answer on a cheery voice before hanging up.
As I end the call, I let out a sigh of relief. I didn't know I was very tense during the whole call until now that it seems like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. However, the anxiety promptly returns. Tomorrow I'll see Elsa. Tomorrow she'll be in my house. I have to mentally prepare for that and maybe make a plan to get to know her more and, perhaps, even become her friend. I know it's not going to be easy though.
So first I have to greet her enthusiastically yet politely, since she obviously isn't used to deal with bubbly girls like me. Then I'll lead her to my studio, ask her to take a seat, sit at her side, ask her if she wants a cup of chocolate and, if she says yes, ask a servant to bring one… what but what if she says no? I really want a cup of chocolate, could I force her to accept? No, that would be rude. Maybe I could ask the servant to bring just one cup for me… But wouldn't that be impolite? Maybe not, if she doesn't want one… ugh, it's too complicated. Let's start over.
So I greet her cheerfully, lead her to my studio, ask her to take a seat, sit at her side, not ask her if she wants a cup of chocolate, and start talking to her about… school? Wouldn't that make her uncomfortable? No, I'm sure she has good grades… but I don't and I would be uncomfortable. What about… friends? No, she doesn't seem like the friendly type, so I doubt she has even one, and I don't want her to think I asked that to mock of her, not to mention that she wouldn't want me to talk about my friends, because they'd been bullying her for years. Maybe I should just wait for her to start conversation about whatever she wants? No, she won't ever open her mouth; she's not very talkative… Ugh this is too difficult. Let's return to the beginning.
So I greet her cheerfully, lead her to my studio, ask her to take a seat, sit at her side, not ask her if she wants a cup of chocolate, and not start talking to her… just get down to business, then? If I do that I'll never achieve my objective of getting to know her, but I don't know what else to do. Think, Anna, think. Ask to build a snowman? Too childish. Ride a bike around the halls? Too reckless. Just sit there staring at each other's eyes? Too romantic. Ignore her? Too rude. WHAT CAN I DO?!
I groan in frustration, pulling my hair until I realize it's already braided and I shouldn't mess with it, but I can't help it, it's too maddening not to know what to do. I've been dwelling on the matter during half an hour now, just sitting near to the entrance awaiting her arrival and I still don't have a plan of action… not that I've ever been one to make plans, but this is important and can't just be left to chance. I must think on something quickly, before she arrives.
In that moment the doorbell rings.
Great. Just great.
I breathe deeply, trying to relax and get rid of the useless butterflies that (again) appeared on my stomach. It's pointless with the prospect of seeing Elsa in a moment, though. I get up reluctantly and then walk to the door, only to see Elsa nervously standing there, in front of the butler, who wasn't letting her get in. These servants have orders from my parents to be overly cautious about the people they let in.
"Elsa?" The butler turns around upon hearing my voice. "Let her in." I demand. "We'll be making schoolwork together."
"As you wish, Ms. Summers." He says taking a step back in order to allow her getting in. She does so and stays awkwardly in front of the door even after the butler leaves. However, I don't pay attention to this because I'm too busy staring at her.
She's dressing with the same clothes as at school, her hair is braided as well, and her skinny, almost unhealthy appearance hasn't change in the slightest. What's different however are her eyes. Yes, they are still blue, no they didn't popped out of her head; but they aren't cold, sad or scared as usual. They still have traces of those emotions, of course, but they also are warm and somewhat trustful, something that I haven't seen in months. Also, there's a light blush on her normally pale cheeks, which makes her so more beautiful than always, not to mention the shy way she lowers her head, making her look adorable. This leaves me stunned for a few seconds before I finally react and open my mouth, trying to say something:
"Uhm…" What was the plan again? "We should… get started. Follow me." I manage to say, my brain only remembering that we're supposed to do schoolwork. I avoid seeing her again to get even more nervous and screw it all up, and walk to my studio.
When we arrive I turn to ask her if she wants to take a seat, as the plan (which I'm slowly remembering) dictated, however, I find her staring with curiosity at the many Christmas decorations I adorned this room with since Thanksgiving Day.
"Do you like it?" I ask, wanting to know what she thinks about it and also make some conversation with her. "Since this is where I spend most of my time, I wanted to decorate it myself. I even made some of the snowmen." I smile proudly as I say this.
"That explains the disorder." She mutters and it brings a pang of pain in my chest; I was hoping she'd like it, after all, it's something I did without help, something of my own creation, and if she insults it, somehow it feel like she's insulting me as well.
"B-but I like it." She rushes to clarify, clearly seeing my disappointed expression. "Really, it's… warm. And cozy."
Should I believe her?
"Do you really think so?" I ask, already feeling better at the possibility of Elsa, Elsa, the one who is all perfection, liking the way I decorated this room. She nods and my smile grows wider. "Thank you." I say.
"I just have one question." She says. "Why snowmen?" There's lots of snowmen adoring the entire room, I know, but I didn't think she'd ask me that question, however I try to answer the best I can, even knowing full well that my nervousness will make me ramble and say things I don't want to say.
"I don't know." I shrug, trying not to give it importance, but sensing the words coming out of my mouth like a river. "Maybe it has something to do with the fact that winter was always my favorite season because I could make snowmen at the garden and pretend they were my friends." I try say it nonchalantly and even laugh nervously, probably because I don't want to remember this, but I know that what I say can't be taken lightly and that she probably knows that. I think I left her stunned with my words because for a few moments we just stay in an awkward silence. "Anyways." I sigh, trying to break the tension. "We should get started."
"Oh… right." She says, clearly relieved. "I've been doing some research, and I think we should focus on the pirates' golden age."
Golden age? Are you serious?! That's so unoriginal, I was expecting something more from the most intelligent girl at High School.
"You know, when they practically ruled over the Caribbean…" She says, clearly thinking I don't know what the golden age is.
"I know which the pirates' golden age is, Elsa." I say offended, after all, in my other life I was a pirate… if other lives exist. What I mean is that I know more about pirates than pirates themselves. "I've been reading about pirates half of my life and I bet I know more about the subject than you do." Half of my life, yes, because there's nothing else to do in this lonely house except read, and when I ran out of fairytales, I started with pirates.
"Sorry." She says, clearly scared at my outburst and making me feel a little guilty. Just a little though.
"It's all right. Now tell me, why do you want to focus on the pirates' golden age?" I ask her, though already knowing that, no matter her reasons, I won't be accepting that subject.
"Because most of the pirate-themed famous books are about that time?" She half-asks.
"True, but do you remember one of the important points of the talk we need to prepare?" I ask, smiling inwardly at my victory. She stares in confusion. I sigh and rolls my eyes. "Be original! We are supposed to investigate about, not the most popular aspects of the subject, but about the less known things that, regardless, are still important to literature."
"So… what do you suggest?" She asks, finally recognizing my superiority of knowledge on this subject.
"Women pirates." I say without even thinking about it.
"W-why?" She predictably asks.
"First I'll tell you my selfish personal reasons." I say, knowing that I need time to think about the real reasons." I've always admired their strength and adventurous nature, and I think that this world lack appreciation for women like that and that we should show to our classmates how this kind of women are a lot more worth than the submissive and helpless damsels. "She sexily raises an eyebrow, but as strange and sublime this action is, I don't let it distract me from what I'm saying. "Now, the real reasons, those that will convince the teacher about how valid it is for us to focus on them. On one hand, a legend about a Viking female pirate named Alvida inspired most of the fairytales that have been written, and on the other, a lot of famous writers of all nations and ages, since Miguel de Cervantes to Daniel Defoe, have written about women being pirates. Not stories, though, just opinions that, due to their great influence, caused many people to despise these women even more than they despised male pirates." Yes, I suppose that'll do it. It sounded very smart.
"Well, then I'll let you take the lead." She says. "We'll do it your way."
"Really?" I say happily, though I must say I'm actually surprised; I didn't think she'd let me take the lead that easily. "Oh… uhm… A-are you sure? I mean, you are the smart one here."
"I'm not." What? "And I don't know a thing about pirate women, so it's best if you are the one in charge."
"Oh, great! This is one of my favorite subjects, right after Joan D'arc, so I was really looking forward to do it. C'mon, we should start!" I say excitedly pulling her towards the couch and making her sit on it before I go grabbing some books and notes and sit by her side, looking forward to teach her everything about pirate women.
During several hours (I really don't know how many because I lost sense of time while telling her my favorite pirate stories), I do what I'm best for: talk and talk and talk without pause. I was worried that she may be bored, but thankfully she was paying close attention to every word I said, and actually she particularly liked Mary's story, one of my favorite pirates, so we decided to do most of the talk about Anne and Mary, the two most famous women who became pirates. However, I thought we must do something more, something to make our classmates remember them forever, after all it's Anne and Mary we're talking about! We can't just tell their story without giving it some dramatic air to inspire people, right? The problem is that we spent half an hour trying to come up with something but nothing is good enough, and I'm getting tired and my stomach is about to growl loudly, so I finally say:
"There's no use. We must take a break, what do you say if we go eat some food and then keep thinking?"
"Sounds good." She agrees.
"Follow me." I say getting up. "The meal should be ready by now."
We arrive at the dining room, I motion her to take a sit and then go to the kitchen to tell the servants to serve the food (I chose hamburgers today because I really like them and I hope she likes them too). I return and sit in front of her just as they come into the dining room, placing our plates, silverware and glasses in front of us. This feels kinda weird actually, I'm not used to have someone else here with me, let alone someone of my age.
When the servants leave, we start eating in an awkward silence, only broken by the sound of the spoons hitting the plates. I pay attention at the poised and almost regal way she eats, not letting even a single drop of soup fall from her spoon. She must've had teachers to show her the proper way to eat (Something that my parents never really cared about and so I eat as I want), meaning that she must come from a former well-positioned family, and I say former because she said her house is too small… which could've been a lie, but for the moment I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
When we both finish our soup, I call for the servant to take away our plates and bring the hamburgers. As she grabs her knife and prepares to cut it (who eats a hamburger with fork and knife?), I decide that I've had enough of this silence, If we continue like this, all will become awkward and I would've lost the chance to know her better.
"So… are we going to stay silent the whole time we eat? Because it's getting a little awkward." I say.
"S-sorry." She stutters, surprised by my voice. "I-I just… I don't know what to talk about."
At least she isn't avoiding conversation.
"Neither do I." I answer honestly. "After all we don't really know each other, so I don't have any idea of what would be interesting for you…" Suddenly an idea surges in my brain, a brilliant idea. How didn't I think on that before? "We should ask questions to know each other! We'll do it for turns and it isn't allowed to lie. However, we can not answer the question if it makes us uncomfortable, what do you say?
"Uhm… OK." She agrees and my mood lightens up considerably, relieved that I wasn't met with refusal.
"I'll start!" I say excitedly and then put my finger at my chin, thinking. I shouldn't start with a question too personal, she could be scared by it and not want to play anymore. "This is an easy one, what's your favorite color?"
"Blue." She answers with a small smile. "And yours?"
"Green. When is your birthday?" I ask, curious to know when she was born in order to maybe give her a present that day, as a peace offering.
"In three days."
"What?! 21th of December? No way!" I exclaim. How on earth am I going to decide what to give her in just three days?
"It is. I'm turning seventeen." She adds.
"So you're one year and a half older than me; I'm turning sixteen on June 20th."
"If you are fifteen, why are you a junior?" She asks, genuinely surprised. Doesn't she know? Oh, well, I guess I never told her.
"I got excellent grades on the exam when I entered High school, so they decided that my knowledge was way over the ones of my age." That seemed to be a life time ago; now my grades are terrible. If there's one person in the school whose knowledge is over the ones who are her age, that must be Elsa, for what I've heard… but then, why is she in the same class as me? "Now, if you are as intelligent as everyone says and always get the best notes, then why are you a junior? Shouldn't you be already at college?" She seems troubled by my question, and I'm afraid I went to forward, so I quickly try to repair my mistake. "I-it's okay if you don't answer. That was too personal."
"Thank you." She says relieved. "B-but I'll tell you if you promise me you won't tell anyone."
"I promise." I say smiling, glad that she is opening up a little.
"Okay..." She takes a deep breath. "I'm afraid that I won't get so perfect notes if I skip one year; every bit of information can be crucial to understand something more complex, and I can't risk to have less than perfect grades."
"Why?" I ask curious. "I mean, grades can't always tell you how much knowledge someone really has."
At least that's what my parents always say. Even now with my less than satisfying development at school they still don't think I'm stupid.
"I think it was my turn." She says teasingly.
"Oh… right. Sorry." I know she's trying to avoid answering, but I'll let it slip because I don't want to make her uncomfortable and because she's right; it's her turn. "Please, make your question."
"Why are you doing poorly at school if you are so advanced at most subjects?"
"I-I… uh…" I swallow, thinking on the answer. The reasons I'm doing poorly at school are that I can't give it my full concentration when Hans is trying to fuck me against my wishes, and my friends constantly insist me to spend more time with them, which makes me fail assisting a few classes. "I prefer not to answer that." I decide to say.
"It's okay. It's not my place to make such questions."
"Thanks." I give her a smile, tankful that she didn't pry, and think on my next question. Now that we're here, I'd like to ask her something that's been plaguing me since the day our growing friendship stopped, but I'm not sure if she would answer… I should at least try, right? "Do you…?" I start, but something stops me. Is it wise to ask her such a question just when we're finally having some little conversation? What if she retreats into herself once more? But then again, I don't think I'll have another chance if I don't ask now. "Uhm… You don't have to answer, and I understand if you think I am being rude but… uh… Do you hate me?" As soon as I ask, I close my eyes fearing the answer.
"What makes you think I do?" She asks a little upset. Ups, I hope she isn't much angry at me.
"Well… I'd hate me if I were you. I mean, I've done pretty mean things to you for no reason." I feel really guilty, and I don't want to remind her of that, afraid that she won't want to speak with me anymore, but I take a deep breath and continue, remembering the reason I started bulling her in the first place. "Besides, what you did to me… pretending to be my friend and all…" I sigh, I can almost feel the pain with the same intensity as before. "I can't think of another reason for you to do that."
"I-I don't hate you." She says, and as I look up I can see in her eyes that she's telling the truth." I've never hated you."
"Really?" I ask with hope, wanting to hear it again.
"Yes. And I'm sorry if I hurt you by doing what I did and saying what I said."
She doesn't hate me! Elsa doesn't hate me, even after everything I did…! Wait.
"I'm sorry too." I say ashamed. "I really am. I guess I was just mad at you for rejecting me and all, because I truly wanted to be your friend." I explain, trying to excuse the inexcusable.
"I wanted to be your friend too." She suddenly says.
"W-what?!" I scream, utterly surprised, not believing what I just heard.
It must've been my imagination, Elsa never wanted to be my friend for sure.
"I-I… I just… I m-mean…" She stutters, clearly not knowing what to say, while I stare at her in utter shock. "I-I didn't pretend to be your friend." She finally admits.
"T-then why…?" I start, but my mouth fails to continue due to my surprised state.
"I-I...I was scared. I'd never had a friend before, and I was scared of letting someone in and getting hurt. That's why I pushed you away. I didn't think you saw me as a friend though, and so I thought it wouldn't hurt you. I'm sorry."
"Oh." I say, trying to process the information. What she's saying seems plausible, after all everyone know she's the lonely type, and even if a part of me thinks that she's lying, another part wants to believe her, because, if she truly wanted to be my friend, then our reconciliation should be easier. "That makes sense." I stare at her, searching for signs of insincerity, finding none. Instead, I find in her eyes true regret, and I'm stunned at the forgiving and gentle soul on the girl in front of me. I have to consciously avert my eyes and clear my throat in order to avoid keeping looking at her, and speak again. "Your turn."
"Do you hate me?" She asks.
"No." I answer. "I know it seems like it, but honestly I didn't mean anything I did to you. At first I was mad and then it was just to take out some anger and frustration. Sorry if you were the victim, but I just didn't know who else I could use. Sorry, again. I know I sound selfish." I sigh.
It did sound selfish, not to say cruel. Using someone to take out your anger by hurting them? I'm sure she now thinks I'm a horrible person.
"I understand." Her answers surprises me; it's not what I expected at all. "It must be hard for you to deal with Snow's critics and Hans' harassment every day. "I look at her wide eyed. I really was trying to avoid thinking about that, let alone discuss it with her. "Sorry. That was out of line." She apologizes.
"It's all right." I sigh. I didn't want to talk about it, but maybe I need to? I mean, I never liked to keep secrets, but I can't tell anyone about this… except maybe Elsa. Why do I trust her just like that? I don't know… there's something about her that makes me feel safe. "And you're right." I continue after making a decision. "It is hard. Mostly because I'd always been the type of girl who believes in fairytales, you know? True love, happy endings, wish upon a star... All those silly things. So when they showed me that all of this doesn't exist... that true love doesn't exist, I got really depressed." As I say it, I remember all the pain and the sadness that's been haunting me for a few months, and it crashes into me with all its strength.
"Love does exist." She says with such conviction, that for a moment I almost believe her. Almost. "Only it's always one-sided." She looks sad when she says it, which makes me think that maybe she is in love with someone, which in other circumstances must've seemed impossible to me, but she's been honest so far, or so I think, so there's no reason for starting doubting her now, not when she seems to be telling the truth. I wonder who's the lucky guy. For some strange reason, I already hate whoever this person is.
"Do you love someone?" I ask, my voice edging on an unbelieving tone.
"I did. Now I'm not so sure." I don't know why, but I feel relief at hearing this.
"Oh." I simply answer. "You're lucky; even if it's one-sided I'd like to experience love myself. At least once." I mean it, I really want to know that love is real, to feel it myself.
"I thought you loved Hans." She points out.
I thought that too. I was such an idiot.
"I liked him. I mean, he is handsome, smart and has a very interesting personality. Not to mention he really knows how to be seductive. But I don't think those are reasons to love someone. Not when they only want to use you and don't really care about who you are." I say sadly and bitterly.
"W-why are you telling this to me?" She suddenly asks. In that moment I realize I may have overstep the boundaries of our relationship, I mean, we are not friends yet, after all. I can't help to feel hurt at her question though.
"Oh… sorry. I shouldn't… I just assumed… never mind." I sigh feeling miserable and not knowing how to apologize, or even if I should be apologizing.
"S-sorry." She apologizes. "I didn't mean to sound rude, I-I just…" She sighs. "I'm no one, and you have so many friends and your family… shouldn't you talk to them about this?"
At her words I feel slightly angry, partially because they seem to be an attempt to conceal the real reason of why she thinks I shouldn't have said that: that we are not actual friends, but also because she really thinks I can talk about this with someone else.
"The only friends I have now are Hans' friends as well, and I can't exactly tell my family that I am the unwilling friend with benefits of a guy who fooled me making me think he loved me so he could have sex with me!" It seems like I'm more angry that I thought, because now I'm screaming, causing Elsa to retreat into her chair. I take note of it and breathe to calm down, after all she's being nice and polite enough to listen to me without complaining about my rambling. "I'm sorry." I apologize, hoping that my outburst didn't damaged the little trust I had earned. "I just… I was never one to keep my emotions bottled up and I thought I could trust you?" The last part comes out in a questioning tone without me intending it.
"You can." She assures me. "I'm not telling anyone about this if you don't want me to. And you can count on me to talk, or whatever you need."
"Thank you." I say smiling. "I think you could be a very good friend." I actually mean it; no one before has been this understanding with me and opened to listen whatever I want to say. After a few moments of Elsa just staring at me without saying anything, I decide to speak again. "Who's turn is now?"
"T-turn?" She says, clearly not knowing what I'm talking about. Then her eyes show a hint of comprehension. "I-I think it's yours." She says.
Mine? What could I ask? I don't think we should keep talking on this personal subjects anymore, because they are just too private and sooner or later ne of us will feel uncomfortable. A light question, then? No, I want to know her more… maybe a request? Yes! A request!
"Perfect." I say beaming, preparing to ask the question I've been wanting to ask someone for a long time. "Do you wanna build a snowman? "
After finishing our hamburgers and having eating two chocolate truffles as dessert (an idea of mine), we exited the house and started playing in the snow. I let her borrow a pair of gloves so that her hands wouldn't freeze and a jacket that I never use anymore because it's red and it doesn't combines with my hair. But seriously, who doesn't wear winter clothes in winter? Well, I suppose cold doesn't bother her since she was born on Norway, so anyways.
We started by the beginning; each of us making snowballs which will be functioning as the snowman's body. I made the smallest one, which will be his torso, and Elsa made his butt. To be honest, at first I was afraid that she may've agreed to my proposal out of pity, or because she didn't want to upset me, while she found the whole "building a snowman" thing something childish and foolish, but as strange as it is, I soon discovered that Elsa was actually enjoying this, the little smile plastered on her face not fading even a little bit, nor her concentration, and it makes me proud to have found something we both like to do.
Once both snowballs are on place, we proceed to make the head. It ends up being a little odd shaped, but who cares? It's part of the fun. Of course miss perfection thinks we should make another one, but I insist that it's perfect while giving her pleading eyes, which effectively shuts her up. Once the head is situated on top the other two snowballs, I ask her to search for some pebbles, which will be the snowman's buttons and eyes, and she obeys. While she's searching for the small rocks, I carve a mouth on the snowman's face, as I've always done since I was a little kid. Some people may find it odd but no one really taught me how to make snowmen the conventional way, so I just build them my own way. However, when Elsa returns she says nothing about it, something that I'm thankful for.
Once we've placed the rocks in the correct places and I've put a carrot on the snowman's face as his nose, we finish our creation with some branches as his arms and smaller pieces of wood as his hair. We sit on the snow, in front of him, just admiring our little creation. There's only one way to describe him: Perfect! He's goofy and funny-looking, and maybe a little… odd, but I love him!
"Elsa." I say not quite processing yet that one of my oldest dreams has finally come true. "Elsa… we did it!" I exclaim throwing my arms around her and squishing hard, due to the excitement that invaded my entire being. I'm actually enjoying the hug more than what's normal; her sweet scent is invading my nostrils and the softness of her clothes registering on my skin, giving me a pleasurable sensation that I've never felt before.
After a few moments hugging her, I break the embrace to so I can see her expression. I want to know if she liked him as much as I do.
"D-did you like it?" She asks unsurely before I have the chance to speak.
"Are you kidding me? He's perfect!" I exclaim smiling even more.
"W-why?" She asks, seemingly confused at my exaggerated reaction.
"Why not?" I ask back, titling my head at one side, wanting to know what she thinks about our snowman.
""Well, he's… h-he's…" Funny? Strange? Different?. "He's not… like the other snowmen." She finishes her sentence.
"Of course!" I say. "That's what makes him special, silly." I giggle. He is different alright, but a good different, and I thought she would understand that easily. However, after seeing her still unsure face, I decide to place my hand in her cheek to reassure her. "He is the first snowman I've made with someone else… someone who is not a servant. And that is enough for me to love him."
I think she still doesn't understand how much it meant for me that she agreed to make the snowman with me, and not out of pity, or because she felt obliged, but because she really wanted to, and that this not only made me love the odd snowman, but it also made me appreciate her more… So much that I unconsciously start staring lovingly at her beautiful eyes.
"M-maybe you're right." She stutters, turning to look at the snowman, and after a few seconds staring at him, her gaze changes from a confusing one to one filled with pride and love, just like mine. This gives me confidence, so I surround her shoulders with my arm, making her turn to see me as I smirk.
"I'm Anna Summers. I'm always right." I say confident, and she gives me a strange look that I can't quite identify. Amusement maybe? Mixed with liking. "Do you wanna take a photo with him?" I suddenly ask, sure that she won't reject me.
"I'm not photogenic." She says, smiling shyly and so adorably that she even makes my cheeks flush.
"Nonsense." I say. I'm sure she'll look perfect in every photo, after all she's a goddess in a mortal (but gorgeous) body. So I get up and grab her arm to pull her up with me. "Come on, this cute snowman deserves a picture with both of his mommies."
I place her at the snowman's right side while I go kneeling to his left. Then I take out my cellphone, but when she's about to take the photo I notice that Elsa is still standing where I left her, as if she didn't know what to do or what was going on.
"Come on, Elsa. Kneel down!" I instruct. Elsa blinks as if getting out of a trance and does as I said, while I hold up my phone. "Smile!" I say before touching the screen so the cell phone takes the picture. Once it's done, I eagerly see it, wanting to know how do Els… we look on it. I look as always; happy and (may I say so myself) pretty, and Elsa looks as her gorgeousness self… but there's something wrong that makes me frown and turn to see her. "It's not that bad, but it could be better. Care to take a second one?" I say.
"I told you I wasn't photogenic. Why don't you take a photo of you alone with this snowman?" She says.
"But you look good in that photo" I protest. "It's just…" I bite my lip. "You didn't smile. And you look beautifuller when you smile…" Suddenly I realize what I said and Elsa's confused stare doesn't help either, making me nervous, which causes my rambling to emerge. "N-not fuller, you don't look fuller, but more- more beautiful." I expect her to laugh on me, and to tell me what a fool I am. As predicted, laugh erupted from her beautiful lips, but it's not exactly what I was expecting; she doesn't seem to be laughing on me, she seems to have found my rambling funny, so funny that her hand isn't able to hide her smile, something I'm really thankful for. He looks so happy and cute flushed and laughing like that with her eyes closed that I can't resist taking a photo of her, to remember the funny side of the Ice Queen. "See?" I ask showing her the screen when she finally stops giggling. "I told you. I really like you when you're not all stone-faced."
"I like to smile too." She says. "It's better than to cry anyways. I've even forgotten how it feels to beam like this."
For a moment I'm stunned at her words. Did she forgot how to laugh? Is she used to cry more than smiling? I really want to ask her what she meant by this, but I don't want to ruin the mood so, instead, I decide to make her laugh and smile even more.
"Come on, now let's take some photos." I say excitedly.
First we start with some photos of us and the snowman, and the snowman alone, but then I decide to take pictures of her and me alone, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I took advantage of this situation to touch Elsa more because really her touch feels so… different, like when Meg touches me, just more intense. So I take photos of me hugging her, of her covered in the snow I just threw at her, of her carrying me bridal style (she is so strong! Well, not really; her arms were trembling, but at least she didn't drop me, right?), me kissing her cheek, which I may add was very warm considering we were on the snow, of us making snow angels while holding hands, and the last one, the craziest of them all, the one that I feared would creep her out: me licking her cheek, while she closed her eyes in disgust.
At the end it all went more than perfect since she kept smiling the entire time, even in the last picture her smile only faded an instant before returning to her face. I'm sure I will never forget this day with her because fun makes the memories easier to remember… Hey that's it! That's what we need for our talk about pirate women: fun.
"Hey Elsa!" I say while we shake the snow off our clothes at the entry.
"Yes?" She asks.
"I think now I know what to do for the talk to be unforgettable."
"Oh. What is it?" She says with curiosity and a gentle smile.
I smile mischievously and her eyes widen in realization of what she just got into.
"Seriously?" She asks raising an eyebrow as she stares at the mirror of my bathroom. I let her borrow a black vest with silver skulls painted on it, brown tight pants that hold nicely her slim legs, boots and a toy sword tied to her belt. She looks ravishing honestly, but…
"I think something's missing." I say while placing a finger at my chin. She still doesn't look quite like a real pirate, not with that cute hairband and bangs. "O, I know!" I exclaim, taking then a red paliacate out of my "magic bag", as I call it (the bag where I keep all my customs) and tie it around her head. "There you are. The most handsome-beautiful pirate girl who has ever existed in this world." I say as I take some steps back to admire my handwork. I smile proudly but she just keeps staring at me in disbelief.
"Y-you're just kidding right? We're not seriously gonna dress up like pirates." She says nervously.
"Why not?" I ask with feigned innocence.
"Never mind." She sighs, and her answer makes me smile even more.
"Good. Now, let me change into my own pirate suit before we start the play."
"P-play?"
"Why else would we dress up? We are gonna play Anne and Mary." Yes, that was my crazy idea, but in my defense I shall say that this will be fun without doubt.
"O-okay." She says before exiting the bathroom to let me change.
I don't have problems deciding which costume I should use; I just pick my favorite one: black boots with high heels, black short skirt, white shirt with a lot of cleavage, which shows my recently enlarged breasts (mom was right; they just needed time, now I'm a B cup), tight brown vest that holds tightly my waist, and a pirate hat, which in my opinion looks better if I use my former favorite hairstyle: twin braids.
When I exit the bathroom dressed like a fierce pirate woman, I see Elsa's eyes widen and her cheeks become red. The look she's directing towards me can only be described as desire, her eyes roaming trough every curve of my body until I feel oddly exposed and my heart beat becomes faster. I know she shouldn't be looking me like that, since we are both girls, but I can't blame her; I look amazing dressed like this, so much that even women can't resist ogling at me.
"When you're done drooling we can start working with our little play." I say smirking.
"Oh? Oh! Yeah, totally, let's go." She says blushing even more and looking pretty embarrassed.
I giggle and start making some space in the living room to aloud us to move easier, moving some stuff from one place to another. I was kinda hopping Elsa would help me but I supposed she's too tired, after all she did carry me earlier. When I'm done I turn to see her, but something's odd about my favorite blonde; she's not beautifully red and smiling like minutes ago, now she's pale and has an anguished face, and a few drops of sweat run down her temple.
"Elsa are you all right?" I ask concerned, thinking that maybe she caught a cold because of the time we spent at the snow. "You're sweating." I place a hand on her forehead to see if she has fever, but she's actually a little colder than me, though that's not surprising given that it's winter. Maybe it's not physical after all? Maybe she's worried for something?
"T-totally. Let's-…. let's just get this over with." She says still nervous but at least less troubled.
"Perfect!" I exclaim cheerily getting my hand off my forehead and retrieving her notes, hoping that this will distract her from whatever caused her to pale like that. "Well, so I was thinking we should do some narrating at the first part, since we can't perform it with just two people, and then act the part when they meet. I will be Anne and you Mary. Ready?" I say.
"O-ok." She squeaks.
"Do you remember how they met?"
"Uhm…" She trails off. And for a moment I'm surprised and even a little upset, thinking that she didn't pay attention when I explained it to her, but then she speaks. "M-Mary got into Rackman's crowd. R-right?"
"Correct! But she did so dressed up as a man, so they didn't know she was truly a girl, you know because of that sexist myth that women on board bring bad luck." She nods. "And she fooled them… even Anne." Here's where the fun comes. "Now, ready? This scene is mostly me doing the job. You just stand there and procure to look perturbed when it seems appropriate, okay?"
"F-fine." She stutters, casting my eyes to the side and blushing, probably knowing what I am about to do.
"Here we go." I put my notes aside, close my eyes and inhale deeply, getting focused on what I'm going to do. I'm a pirate, a famous thief of the sea, the great Anne Bonny, and I want to make out with the most handsome pirate ever… which isn't hard to imagine, since indeed Elsa is the most handsome pirate ever. "Hello handsome." I say with a flirty tone and half-lidded eyes, approaching her. "Captain Read, isn't it?"
"M-Mary w-wasn't c-c-captain." She stutters nervously.
Damn! Her good looks got me distracted.
"Oh! That's right." I say dropping my act. "Okay, let's start over." I clear my throat and get into character again. "Sailor Read, what are you doing this beautiful day?"
"N-nothing… at all." She says, acting as if she were really nervous and uncomfortable. I didn't thought she was this good at acting. I approach to her until our eyes are mere inches away from each other, and reach to touch her cheek with my hand. She swallows and diverts her gaze.
"Oh? I think we should fix that. We don't want lazy men on board, do we?" As I speak, I lean in, getting so close to her that our lips are almost touching. I have to admit this is really tempting; I want to kiss her, I wonder how her lips would taste. I bet they're sweeter than melted chocolate and softer than silk… gosh I think I really, really got into character.
I look up to see her. Now she has her eyes closed and she's not reacting to what I say. I suppose she doesn't remember what's next. Well, in that case I could kiss her and say it's part of the act… wait, what? No! What I need is put some space between us. Let's just procure not to seem so eager to distance from her, she could figure out that something's wrong with me.
"Elsa?" I ask giggling purposely and taking one step back. "Did you forget what happens next?"
"Hum… Mary… No, Anne… She…" She seems to be struggling to think on the right answer, and I decide to tease her a little, to punish her for not paying attention.
"Mary shows her tits to Anne to prove that she's not a man." I say in a very serious and calm tone, even though I'm laughing inside.
God, I hope she shows me… I mean no! I totally don't want to see her tits! That's ridiculous.
"What?!" She exclaims with a panicked expression. "I'm not going to do that!" I burst into laughter so hard that I even bend over and hug my stomach, almost running out of air. Her reaction is so funny! She totally believed I was serious!
"Oh my god! You should've seen you face!" I say still gasping for air. "Priceless!" Tears start coming out of her eyes as I continue laughing harder than I've ever had.
"Well, I'm glad to see that making fun of me makes you so happy." She says in a serious tone, with an angry expression and crossing her arms. My laughter instantly dies.
Did I just screw up with her? I hope not. I couldn't live with myself. I should try to, apologize and say it was only a stupid joke… maybe I should use some persuasion to make sure she forgives me.
"Elsa, I'm sorry, it was only a joke." I say walking towards her and placing my arms on her shoulders. "Please forgive me?" I procure to use the sweetest tone I can manage, and bat my eyelashes.
"No." She says curtly, deviating her gaze to the left.
This is more difficult than I thought. I have to use more of my weapons.
"Please?" I say again, this time hugging her and placing my head at the crook of my neck, nuzzling on her.
Oh, this feel so good. Her skin is really soft, now I just want to kiss her neck.
"Alright, fine." She says, bringing me back to planet earth and out of the filthy thoughts that were starting to invade my head. I have to focus! She can't know I was thinking about kissing her and… other things. She'd think I'm a freak, I mean, we're both girls!
"Really?" I ask pretending to be excited and reluctantly letting go of her, taking a couple of steps back.
"On one condition." She says.
"Whatever you want." I reply without thinking.
"Let's not do that again. Acting is really not my thing."
"B-but…"
"It was funny and all, but I don't think this is what the teacher wants." She gives me an apologetic smile. I pout, hoping to convince her otherwise. "We could still dress up like pirates if you want."
I reconsider it for a second. As much as I wanted to make a little pirate play, I know that it's probably for the best if we don't do it; we don't want an scene as the one that just happened to repeat in front of our classmates, I mean, what if the next time I can't restrain myself and kiss her? What would everyone think of me? Of her? Surely they would bully her even more because of this.
"Maybe you're right. It was childish." I sigh. "But funny." I clarify. I really liked doing this. "And we will dress up like Anne and Mary." I add mischievously; I want to see Elsa dressed like this at least one more time.
"Okay. Now let's continue with the information we have to study. It's getting late and soon I'll have to go." She says.
What?! Is she leaving already?! But it's like five! Oh well, I guess that my parents would also me insist me on arriving at six or something like that if I went out.
"Fine." I say, a little sad because of the prospect of her departure. "But you will keep those clothes on as we do it." She opens her mouth to protest, but I speak first. "You owe it to me, since you didn't want to make the little play."
"Okay." She sighs resigned.
After two hours trying to make Elsa learn every bit of information about women pirates we have found, she turns to see me, while I'm reading thoughtfully one of my many books about piracy, and says:
"Uhm… Anna, I think it's time for me to go."
"Uh? Already?" I say turning to see her. She nods.
"Well, go change, then. I'll wait here."
She does as I told her and I turn to see the clock. Almost seven PM. Well, it's not really that early but neither too late, but I just don't want her to go yet. I know that if she goes now, I'm not going to see her until classes start again, about two weeks from now, and when we return to school, I don't know if she will be willing to talk to me again, I mean, I'd still be just someone who she made some schoolwork with and who is friend of her bullies. Maybe I shouldn't be so worried about this, but it's just that today felt so right. For the first time in months I was really, truly happy and I felt again as my old self. I was the careless funny Anna who wasn't so much full of frustration that didn't have to hurt someone to feel less miserable. Plus, I didn't worry about my relationship with Hans. I think that maybe being with Elsa is the solution. Maybe she could save me. I can't let her go without her accepting to be my friend first.
"Is everything okay?" Her voice interrupts my thoughts.
"What? Oh, yeah, totally, it's just…" I bite my lip, thinking on how to approach this subject. "I really enjoyed our time together and I was thinking… We should… be friends." As I say this my anxiety grows to the point that I'm sweating.
"I'm sorry. That's not possible." She states sadly. I frown, this doesn't make any sense… unless she was lying earlier.
"Why not? Earlier you said…"
"I know what I say, but…" She pauses and closes her eyes as if she wasn't sure on what to say. "W-we… we belong to different status in the High School society, and I'm an enemy of your friends. They won't accept our friendship."
"Well, fuck them!" I exclaim furiously, getting up. Yes, I'm aware of our differences, but honestly I'd prefer to have Elsa as my only friend than to have the fake friendship of every other person at school. I have to make her see it. "I want you." To emphasize my words, I walk towards her and take her hand. "Please Elsa, I don't care the consequences."
"It's not possib…"
"There must be a way." I cut her off. She can't decide what's best for me. "You make me happy, and only with you I can be myself. Please." I plead desperately, hoping she'd understand. I don't care if I look pathetic, I just want to be with her. I see her hesitating and I rush to assure her that she can trust me. "Pease, Elsa, I know you should me doubtful of my intentions, but believe, the one who treated you like shit all this time wasn't the real me… Please."
"I-I don't know Anna." She says taking a step back. "I don't want any of us to get hurt."
"Well, I think we're already getting hurt, so it doesn't matter." I point out.
"You don't understand. You haven't experienced the real High School, you are new in this world. If you mess up with your current friends, you'll seriously regret it.
She's right. This is my first year living on the real world, and I don't know for sure which could be the consequences or if I'm ready to bear them, to accept the responsibility of my actions. On the other hand, she's more experienced and, for the worried look in her eyes, so full of concern for my well-being, I'm sure that she knows what she's taking about. The problem is that, even if I don't want to get hurt because I honestly don't know if I'd be able to handle it (and deep inside I don't want to lose my place at the High School "royalty" either), I still want with all my will to be Elsa's friend.
I bite my lip and look away, not seeing a solution that provides me an easy way out of this problem. I must have to think about it… maybe in a few days I'll find the answer.
"If… If there was a way for us to be friends, would you do it?" I ask.
There's a moment of silence before she answers without a hint of doubt in her voice:
"Yes."
"Well then promise me you'll think on ways for being friends and I'll do the same, but meanwhile, I think we should enjoy our vacations and continue seeing each other. What do you say?" I really want to see her again before winter break ends, and so I ask for another meeting without thinking about it.
"I… I suppose it can't hurt." She shrugs.
"Perfect!" I smile, happy that she accepted, and she smiles back. "Then let's meet in…" I pause. I'd like to see her tomorrow, but that would seem too desperate. The day after tomorrow I have a sleepover with my friends, and even if I'd prefer to be with Elsa, I can't let them know about this. Not yet at least. In three days it's Elsa's birthday, and I suppose she'll spend it with her family. The 22th she'll probably be resting after her birthday party, so the only day left is… "December 23th? Is that okay?" I ask.
"Yes. It's perfect." She says with a little grin. Then she glances towards the clock and sighs. "I must really go now."
"Oh! Of course, follow me." I say and lead her to the to the entrance. There I turn to see her, slightly sad at her departure. "So… I think this is the part when we say goodbye."
"Yeah…" She says with resignation, which I'm pleased to see, because it means that she doesn't want to go yet. "It was nice spending time with you. Very different to how I supposed it would be. A good different." She gives me a truthful smile and tends me her hand. "Goodbye, Anna."
I decide not to take her hand, instead I hug her tightly and say to her ear:
"Goodbye Elsa."
I let go of her and we stay smiling at each other for a bittersweet moment before she turns around and steps out of my house. I am wondering how she will go home or if her house is near enough to go walking when she turns around suddenly and says:
"Anna?"
"Yes?" I ask with a hopeful tone. Honestly I don't know what I'm waiting for, but there's a tension in the air that I can feel clearly growing between us and there's this expectation that I feel on my body but can't clearly identify in my head.
"I... I really like your braids." She says. The tension breaks. It's not quite what I was expecting but I appreciate her compliment, not only because it seems to be genuine (unlike the other's I've receiving from different people the past months.), but also because she's the first one to like my braids (instead of telling me they look ridiculous), and I'm glad because I really like them too, so this means a lot to me.
"Thanks." I say blushing. "I like your braid better, though." I gulp, suddenly nervous after complimenting her back. "G-goodnight."
"Goodnight." She answers. I stay there, wanting to see her go, and she giggles, hiding her mouth with her hand as usual. Then she reluctantly turns around and walks away.
I see her retreating form until she gets inside a car parked not too far away from my door. I suppose her father came to pick her up. She must have really good parents, that'd explain her kind nature. I sigh. I enjoyed this day but I'm sad that it's already over. I hope the next few days go faster than normal; can't wait to see her again.