Time seemed to speed up drastically when they had somewhere to be, and Monday mornings were the worst. The kids were sluggish waking up, fussy about their breakfast, and reluctant to be ushered out the door. Colton kept sighing and heading back to the couch to watch TV and Ben was forever changing his mind on what he wanted to bring for show and tell. They were getting down to the wire on time and they were going to have to leave in the next three minutes or they would never get to where they were going on time.

"Ben, pick one thing and come downstairs, right now!"

"I can't decide!"

"You have to the count of three and whatever you're touching is what you're bringing!"

"But-"

"One, two three."

"Aw dammit!"

"Benjamin Ryan Ross!" Adam and Lindsay chorused as Ben appeared at the top of the stairs, holding a pair of underwear.

"This is what I was touchin' when you said three, mama! I can't show these! They're dirty!"

"Okay quickly pick something else and you are getting one consequence for swearing."

"Aw man!"

He went back into his room and Lindsay tried not to laugh while Adam shook his head.

"I've gotta get my mouth under control."

"I think we both do."

"Okay I found something to take."

"Good. Let's go. Colton, get off the couch, it's time for school."

He sighed and stood up, letting his backpack drag across the ground as he shuffled to the front door.

"Avery, come say bye to mama and the boys."

A scream came from the kitchen and Avery ran out crying harder than she ever had before.

"No mama! Stay! With Avery!"

"I have to go to work."

"No!"

"Avery, daddy is staying here with you and he has a fun game to play I'm sure-"

"NO! Mama stay!"

"Avery, I can't. I have to go to work. Adam would you help me out here?"

He picked Avery up to try and comfort her but she continued to scream at the top of her lungs, so hard that she couldn't catch her breath. Lindsay ushered the boys out the door despite their protests that they must stay home to take care of their sister.

"Averylin, that's enough."

"Want my mama!" she screeched, trying to wriggle out of his arms for the door.

"Mama is going to be home later tonight, I promise."

"Mama!" she screamed, throwing her head back as far as she could, nearly knocking it on the wall. Adam couldn't tell if this was a tantrum or a meltdown, but either way, he wasn't quite sure what to do. The screaming and crying was louder than he had ever heard and he was afraid that Avery was going to turn herself purple with the way she was struggling to breathe.

"Sweetheart, calm down. I'm right here and you're okay."

She used all her strength to push away from him and he tried to hold on but it was as if she'd suddenly turned into a flopping fish and he couldn't do anything but slowly let her down to the floor. She kicked her legs against the hardwood, screaming even louder now until her whole body had turned red.

"Mama!"

Kneeling down on the floor he quietly rubbed her back, hoping it would calm her down. The crying became a little softer but she was still in hysterics, so he picked her up off the floor and took her upstairs to her room. She was holding onto him tightly now and wouldn't let go when he tried to put her in her bed. It reminded him of how Ben had acted when he had his nightmares so many years ago, but there was something different about this. Avery was crying almost like she was in physical pain.

"Shh, it's okay. Mama will come home. Let's lay down and have a sleep okay?"

"Daddy, I want mama."

"I know. Right now I want mama too."

"She mine."

"I know sweetie. Just relax. Take a deep breath."

"Daddy I want mama. Please."

"She had to work, baby. It's okay, it's not forever. She's coming home."

"My mama."

"I know. Why don't we have a little nap before your tumbling class? Would that be okay? We can both relax."

She hiccupped and coughed and rubbed at her eyes, trying to hold back her tears but not succeeding very well.

"What can I do to make you feel better sweetie?"

"Want mama home now."

"Well, besides that."

A fresh round of tears started up and he brushed her hair back from her face, wishing he knew how to calm her down. After what seemed like forever she closed her eyes and her crying became softer and softer until she fell asleep. Adam stayed with her for a little while, checking the time and seeing that they would have to miss her class today. He supposed it couldn't be helped; he wasn't going to wake her up now for fear that she was going to dissolve into an emotional mess again.

Carefully he stood up from her bed and tucked her in, backing out of the room quietly so she wouldn't know he was leaving. The floorboard creaked underneath him and he paused, but she gave no indication that it disturbed her so he quickly made his way downstairs to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast dishes. Avery had never had a separation problem before, even when they were gone on their trip she'd been easily consoled. He couldn't get out of the back of his mind the fact that Ben's nightmares had been about something bad happening, right before Colton was kidnapped, and had stopped soon after Colton came home. He wondered if the kids were sensitive to impending danger or if he was just reading too much into one isolated incident. Either way, he had a bad feeling about the whole matter.

"And then she realized she missed tumbling class and she threw the biggest fit I have ever seen her throw. She called me mean," Adam sighed, wiping down the kitchen counter while Lindsay started the dishwasher.

"I'm sorry honey. Maybe she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"I hope that's all it is because she was awful all day. I don't want you to have to deal with it tomorrow."

She tipped her head to the side in question and reached for his hand, her eyes going completely round with understanding.

"Adam… were you afraid you were going to lose your temper?"

"Yeah. I put her in her room for a while and then she came out and started chucking stuff down the stairs and screaming at me. I was calm until she clobbered me in the head with her toy frying pan, and all I could think was what if it was Ben coming up the stairs, what if she hit him with something even worse?"

"What did you do?"

"I went up there and picked her up and put her in her room and told her to stay on her bed. She obeyed but she was very loud about the fact that she wasn't happy."

"What was Ben doing?"

"Standing outside her door, telling her he was disappointed in her behavior."

"Well that's not surprising."

"I don't enjoy being the disciplinarian, I much prefer it when you're the one throwing down the gauntlet."

"Because you don't like to do it or because you don't trust yourself?"

"Both."

"Look, you've been through really stressful things and had to deal with the kids at the same time and you've been fine. You're not going to hurt them. You know that."

"I do know. It's just that in those moments I start to feel like it would be so easy. Not to hurt them, but to do the wrong thing. To yell or call them names."

"You won't do it."

"I know. I just hate that it's a possibility in my head. Walking up those stairs thinking "Am I going to lose it? Can I really handle this?" I don't like living like that."

She sighed and hugged him gently, knowing that her faith in him would never waver, but sometimes he felt like that was never going to be enough.

"Have you thought about talking to someone about it? I don't mean that like you need help or something, but maybe just that… it might help to talk to someone that's impartial. Figure out a way to keep those thoughts from going through your mind."

He was quiet for a moment before sighing and shaking his head.

"I don't want to unbury the past."

"No one does Adam. But sometimes it helps."

"Can I tell you that I'll think about it?"

"Will you actually?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Let's go sit and watch a movie and put this whole day out of our minds, okay?"

He nodded and followed her to the couch where they flipped through the channels for a few minutes before settling on an old sit-com. She cuddled up to his side and relaxed against him, a sure sign that she was pulling out all the stops on letting him know that she trusted him even when he didn't trust himself.

There was a noise from upstairs and he turned the volume down so they could listen for it again. Just when they were about to dismiss it, the noise came again, from Avery's room.

"I'll go," Lindsay offered, standing up. "If she begged for me all morning, maybe she'll be happy to see me."

Adam chuckled wryly as Lindsay made her way up the stairs, peeking into Avery's bedroom. She was sitting on the floor with her stuffed animals and some books, looking quite pleased with herself.

"Oh. Hello mama. Wanna play? We is the library. This doggie in trouble."

"Well someone else is in trouble too little missy."

"Who?"

"The librarian."

Avery's eyebrows knitted together in confusion and Lindsay picked her up from the floor.

"Daddy and I put you to bed and we expect you to stay there. In the morning you need to clean up your toys before breakfast."

"Mama 'set?"

"I'm not upset, I just don't think I need to remind you to go to bed when we've already tucked you in."

"I play time. See, that doggie wanna play. So Avery play."

"No, Avery goes to bed."

"No mama. Cannot. Time for play."

"Averylin."

"Yes?"

"What did mama say?"

"Mama lie. It play time."

"I did not lie to you Averylin Grace. It's time to sleep. Lay back down."

"I say no!"

"Avery-"

"Mama not the boss. I the boss. I say play! You go away."

"Excuse me, but you do not talk to me that way."

"Yes I do."

"Tomorrow you are going to spend the morning cleaning your room because of your attitude."

"I not attitude. You attitude."

"Kid, you are so lucky daddy and I decided not to spank our kids or you would be crusin' for a brusin'."

"Whatever mama. You go bye now."

"You know what? Why don't you get out of bed and we'll go and tell daddy how you're acting."

"No!"

"Yep, let's go."

Avery whined and whimpered, knowing Lindsay meant business and she'd gone a little too far. She didn't want to go downstairs because once mama was upset, daddy would be too, and then she most definitely wouldn't get to stay up.

"No mama I not wanna!" Avery declared, going limp. Lindsay dropped her arm and let her fall in a heap to the hallway floor, rather than hold onto her and risk pulling her arm out of the socket. Avery hollered in non-existent pain and tried to slither away but Lindsay picked her up and took her downstairs.

"So what's going on girls?"

"Avery, would you like to tell daddy what you said to me?"

"No!"

"Would you like me to tell him then?"

"No!"

"She told me that I lie and then she told me to go away and said she was the boss and that I had attitude."

"Well Avery that doesn't sound like you're being a very good girl. I guess I'm going to have to back mama up on this one."

Avery screeched and threw herself to the floor, whining and kicking her legs against the couch.

"No con'quence! No!"

"It's too bad that you decided to disobey and be disrespectful to your mama and now you have to have a consequence, but that's how it goes."

"You bad! Mama an' daddy is bad!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way Avery. Now, it's time for bed and in the morning you'll have your consequence."

She screamed as loudly as she could, pounding her fists against whatever she could reach. Lindsay reached down to try and pick her up but Avery arched her back, making it nearly impossible.

"Averylin, that's enough. Stop."

"Leave me 'lone!"

"I guess we're going to have to double team her."

Feeling very foolish, Lindsay grabbed Avery's arms while Adam grabbed her legs and they moved her to the couch. She growled in anger and went rigid, making it easier for Adam to pick her up and take her to her room. She pushed hard against him and when he finally put her into her bed she was getting ready for the second round of her tantrum.

"Averylin, stop this right now. It is unacceptable and we did not teach you to behave like this."

She burst into hysterical tears, kicking at her covers while all her stuffed animals fell to the floor.

"This not fair!"

Lindsay wanted to yell back that Avery had no idea what fair was, but she bit her tongue, letting Adam take over.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he said calmly, tucking her in tighter. "Goodnight Avery, I love you."

He managed to kiss her cheek despite her flailing body, then backed away from the bed.

"I love you too and I'll see you in the morning," Lindsay assured, not brave enough to try and kiss her goodnight; she wasn't keen on getting a black eye.

They slipped from the room and shut her door all the way so her volume wouldn't wake the boys, then went back downstairs where they flopped onto the couch, exhausted.

"That was no fun."

"Not at all. If we have to start dealing with that all the time, I'm going to abandon ship."

"I'm going with you."

"C'mon sissy, me and Cole are playin' in the backyard! Want to come?"

"Yahoo!" she shouted happily, jumping up from the floor and following Ben downstairs. It was getting colder and colder outside each day and she knew that she was going to need her coat, so she pulled it off the hook by the door and stuck her arms through the sleeves, not caring that it was on backwards.

"Me and Cole decided that you could come and play in our fort with us! We're playin' army and we need another soldier."

"I be a soldier!"

"That's what we thinked too! Firstest I said that girls couldn't be soldiers, but then Cole reminded me about how good a wrestler Isa could be and I think that maybe girls can be soldiers after all! Will you make us proud?"

She nodded and followed him into the fort where they both stopped and saluted Colton.

"At ease, gentleman and lady. Today we have a serious mission. Today we must gather all our backyard toys… I mean landmines and bring them into our barracks for um… because we have to turn them off for the winter."

"Yes sir!" Ben said, saluting again.

"Now Soldier Benjamin, I think you should be in charge of all the regular toys. Soldier Averylin, you can be in charge of all the sandbox toys that we play with in the dirt. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir!" they chorused, saluting, then marching out of the fort into the yard.

"Commander Colton sir! What will you be doin' sir?"

"Organizing all the toys, troop. Because Admiral daddy says that whatever is on the ground at the first snow is going in the garbage. This is a reconnaissance mission troops!"

"I ain't seen enough war movies to know what that means," Ben muttered softly, picking up a few toys. "But he's right."

Avery just nodded as the back door opened and Lindsay stepped out onto the porch.

"Averylin, did you clean your bedroom for your consequence?"

"Yes mama!" Avery shouted back, intent on carrying out her mission before Colton had to leave for school.

"Sissy, that is not a sandbox toy. It's a regular one. It's my job."

"I helpin'."

"Oh, okay! We should take this load of junk into the fort so Cole could disarm them."

Avery nodded and followed Ben into the fort, where Colton directed that they drop the toys on the ground so he could organize them into different buckets.

"Excellent effort troops! I call this mission a success!"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Averylin Grace Ross, you come in this house right now!"

"Uh-oh. You are in major trouble sissy," Ben warned. Avery whimpered and glanced out the fort window, then dove under the old card table, hiding her eyes behind her hands.

"What is she doin' Cole?"

"She thinks if she can't see us then we can't see her. She's hiding from mama."

"Why?"

"Because she's going to get in trouble again. What did you do, Aves?"

"Don't know!"

"Well if you tell us maybe we can help you!"

"Yeah sissy! Cole is right!"

She cried from behind her hands as a shadow appeared in the doorway.

"Avery, come out here right now."

"No. Can't. Hiding."

"Avery."

"You'd better go sissy. Mama has the voice what means business."

Giving one final whimper, Avery crawled out from under the table, took a deep breath and looked up at Lindsay.

"Let's go inside."

Avery was slow about following but she obeyed, her head downcast, trying to figure out what she had done wrong this time. She found herself being placed on the couch and she blinked back tears, letting her lower lip slide out in the hopes that she would be given a little mercy.

"Averylin, what was your consequence this morning?"

"Clean toys and no movies."

"And when I asked you if you had cleaned up your toys, what did you say?"

"I don't know!"

"You told me you had. I went upstairs in your room and I found that your toys are still on the floor and so are half of your clothes from when you got dressed this morning."

"Oh."

"That means you lied to me. Do you understand what a lie is?"

"No mama."

"This pillow right here is blue."

"No! It green!"

"You're right, it is green. When I said it was blue, that was a lie."

"Oh!"

"You thought a lie was when I said something you didn't like."

"Yes, I think that."

"Do you understand me now?"

"Lie say wrong."

"So did you lie to me when you said you'd cleaned your room?"

"Um… I in trouble?"

"I would like you to understand what you did wrong."

"I lie."

"You lied and you didn't take your consequence."

"Uh-oh."

"Right now we need to take Colton to school, but when we get home you are going to clean up your mess and have a time-out on the step."

"No!"

"Yes. You will also be going to bed early tonight. There will be no arguing about it and no throwing fits. Do you understand?"

"I not like it!"

"That doesn't matter. Do you understand me?"

"Yes mama."

"Okay. I would like you to put your coat on correctly so we can leave."

Avery wanted so badly to protest, she wanted to cry, but she was a soldier so she nodded and obeyed, fighting with her coat until she finally got it on. The boys had been rounded up and were getting their coats on too, so it didn't seem like this was a part of her punishment.

"Comm'der Coley? You do my zipper?"

Colton nodded and crouched down to do the zipper on her coat, then hugged her tightly.

"Whatever you did wrong Aves, me and Ben still love you a lot."

"Love you Coley. Thanks for help."

"You're welcome. Come on, let's go."

Many mornings they walked to the school which was far enough away that they had the bus option, but close enough that walking didn't take all morning. Today it was too cold though, so they piled into the car and drove the few blocks, parking at the far end of the lot and meeting the Messers in the hallway. Avery walked immediately to Sarah and hugged her as tightly as she could, feeling a few tears slip out of her eyes.

"Oh Averylin, what's the matter?"

"I so sad, Sarah. An' bad. I bad girl."

"You're not a bad girl! You're my best friend!"

"Mama give me con'quence."

"Oh dear. But you know that auntie loves you, right?"

"She so 'set."

"Mama's don't like it when their kids disobey. I will tell you about it later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you get to go to tumbling class today?"

"No!" Avery cried, shaking her head. "It Tue'day!"

"Don't cry Averylin! I am sure you will do tumbling class tomorrow! And we will have family dinner very soon! It's our turn to have it at our house, so you can come and play in my room and I will show you how to do some ballet, okay?"

"Okay. You go school. Love you."

"I love you too Averylin."

Ben decided to go home with Austin and Junior, a fact which made Avery very upset, and caused her to cry the entire way home. She wasn't looking forward to her consequences, but she was even more distraught at the idea of spending the day all alone with no one to play with. This was shaping up to be the worst day of her life.