"I apologize, captain", I shook my head slightly to get back to the present and raised my gaze to his.
"Come on, let's go.", he walked away from the tent and I got up slow and painfully, following him.
"Did you find anything, sir?"
"No. Those shitbags know how to cover their tracks far too well for my liking.", he spat.
"Hm... I see...", a sigh escaped my lips. We were heading towards the edge of the main camp. The captain probably wanted to check the traps. "Captain..."
"What?"
"What are you planning? Aren't we going to capture the intruders?"
"Tche.", he scoffed. "For someone considered to be a 'good' strategist, you must've hit your shitty head pretty hard to get like that."
"I was just asking, sir...", the gritting sound my teeth were making was loud enough to be audible.
"Of course we're not going to catch them.", he ended up answering. "In your state it's impossible. We can't leave the brats here alone with you."
"But I-", before the sentence ended, he turned and jabbed me in the ribs with an open palm, causing a wave of pain to radiate through my body and my lungs to deflate completely. For a few seconds, all the strengh in my legs abandoned me and I felt myself falling, unable to react. He caught my fall, speaking into my ear.
"Do you need to be reminded of the state you're in?", he whispered. "No means no."
He left me there panting for a couple of seconds until I managed to get up again, walking silently behind him. We checked all the traps surrouding the camp, looking for any hint regarding the intruders of the previous night like a piece of cloth or something or the sort.
"Hum.. captain...", my voice called his attention at we'd finished. He ordered me to continue with a head gesture, despite not facing me or saying anything. "I apologize for yesterday.", it was done. An apology. "It wasn't my intention for any of it to happen.". At first, he didn't reply, looking around to the almost completely dismounted camp, sitting on the wagon.
"You should take a few days off.", he noted, searching the tree line with his gaze. I raised my head to look at him when he spoke but he wasn't looking at me, it was more like a general proposal hanging to the air and not something directly suggested.
"Hm...", was my answer, sitting leaning against the vagon's large wheel. The silence between us was heavy, no idea as to what to say to him to try and lighten the mood we were in. Sighing, my head looked up at the sky, leaning in further into the wood behind me, staring at the passing birds.
"Eren is a good kid.", I ended up saying. A rustling sound came from the woods, followed by screams.
The captain got up and looked carefully to the noise's origin walking towards the edge of the clearing, followed by me. He activated his gear, which made me do the same out of instict. Beneath us an enormous creature ran further into the former camp area, leaving a bloody trail behind him.
Eld and a few cadets followed it, them being the source of the shouting. The captain wasted no time and pushed himself off the tree and on to the animal, burying his two blades into the beast's back. It all happened before I could even move, not that I'd jumped as well, in my condition, it would most likely do more harm than good.
A few seconds later, the animal finally gave in and fell with a loud thump on the ground. We got down from where we were, Eld and I walking towards the captain, who jumped off the creature's back.
"Are you okay, sir?", I inquired mechanically, but no answer was needed. After all, it was the captain we were talking about. He passed by us, informing he'd be cleaning his clothes and for us to take care of everything.
Luckily, most of the stuff was already packed by the wagon and the wild boar hadn't ran that far into the clearing, so nothing was lost. The cadets that had come with Eld also got down from the trees and approached us and, as soon as the other ground arrived with the horses, the journey back began its preparation.
"Don't think you'll get of my good side just because you're packing up my tent, Jean.", I noted nonchalantly to the boy in front of me.
"Come on, mam, don't be such a pain, I'm just doing a good deed.", he smiled.
Another while passed and the captain wasn't returning and, as I brought this to Eld's attention, it was me who decided to go check on him so that he'd hurry a bit faster.
The river flowed smoothly through the rocks as I walked towards the second campsite, looking for the captain. As expected, he was hunched over the farthest bank, scrubbing his shirt furiously where there was still blood.
His whole torso was exposed, and, as I drew nearer, a scar was visible on his left arm. It seemed old, but the way it'd healed indicated that it'd been deep when it was made. Passing over to the other side, my steps took me right next to him, where I crouched.
"Need any help, captain?", I inquired, looking at him. "You've been here for a while, we where wondering if something had happened to you, sir."
Having recieve no answer, my eyes turned back to look at the still mounted tent. If we where trying to speed things up to get back as soon as possible, then that needed to be stored and secured on the wagon.
As such, I got up and started to pack up the tent since, even with the injuries I'd sustained, there were still things my body could do. Occasionally, I'd glance back at him, so focused in the cleaning that he seemed unaware of his sorroudings.
Were he someone else, maybe that could be true and he'd be vulnerable but he was lance corporal Levi; he was always on high alert no matter the circumstances. My mind frequently wondered as to how he could maintaign such focus and high senses but to ask him would be pointless.
He wasn't a man of talking about himself that much, as I'd learned throught the years and the circumstances in which he'd arrived to the Survey Corps were only vaguely known by us younger officials.
The only thing that was more than evident aside from his cleaning obsession was his hate of unnecessary deaths of innocents. No one talked about it and he didn't seem to show it, atleast not in an emotional way. However, he made sure to remind them of their importance for humanity and he frequently voiced his distaste for certain strategies adopted by the commander.
Of course, Erwin never disclosed information about private matters and he seldom asked for the help of other officials other than Zacharias but he used to discuss his failures when he had a little bit too much to drink.
It must've been hard for him to take over the Corps, specially having lost the support of Wall Maria and now dealing with a possible treat yet also a beacon of hope for humanity: Eren Jaeger. Not often enough, my thoughts rambled to the struggles of others, overpowering my own and making me realise of how much weight these men and women carried on their shoulders and still rised and powered through another day in search for humanity's survival and ultimate victory.
My gaze brushed frequently over the captain's arm scar, wondering how it'd happened. No memory of an incident existed in my brain and, judging by his skill set it was highly unlikely that he'd done it himself. Curiosity endedup taking hold of me and my voice got out on its own.
"Say, captain, how did you get that scar on your arm?", the tone almost sounded informal, something which made my face contort in preparation for the scolding that would inevitably come after the question.
The compulsive washing stopped and he got up, inspecting the now white shirt, dripping as he wrung it out. Turning to face me, began buttoning it, still wet, clinging to his defined muscles as he walked closer.
Quicker than I could react, his index finger pressed the light scratch almost fully healed that ran along my jaw like it was it was the sharp tip of a knife, threatning to piece the soft skin. At that moment, my heartbeat quickened and my chest swelled up from a gasp.
The captain didn't even bother looking at me while doing this, my eye staring at him from the very corner, straining itself.
"Same way you got this.", he simply replied, picking up all that which I'd packed and saddling up his horse.
As the digit left my skin, my hand replaced it, remembering the day a fork had almost killed me. So... it'd been an angry father trying to get payback for his son of daughter... It was only normal for people to react in a violent way when they're most valuable possessions were taken away from them.
What I didn't expect was that the captain had let said person even reach him with a weapon. Either they were very good at concealing their intentions or the corporal had let them do what they wanted.
"You're coming or not?", his voice pulled me out of my thoughts and my eyes looked up to a mounted captain. "Next time, don't let them get so close."
"Understood.", was my reply. So maybe he did let them hit him... well, now was not the tie to ask about it, since they had to leave. Everyone was ready and my horse was already saddled and waiting for its rider.
~
The journey back took about half a day without any detours, travelling in silence and with the captain in the front of the formation, keeping Eren in the center, by the wagon, in case someone decided to attack.
We arrived a bit after lunch, greeting Oluo and Gunther, who were stationed to guard the outside perimeter of the castle. Before meeting Erwin to give him the full mission report, we ordered the cadets to unpack and take care of their gear and horses, making sure everything was done properly.
Walking in silence through the nearly empty hallway, Petra, Eld and I, leaded by Levi reached the commander's office. After knocking, a muffled 'come in' was heard.
"So you're early.", noted the blonde man, sitting behind his cluttered desk. "Anything happened?"
"We were attacked and they got away.", the captain replied dryly. "There were no clues. And we believe there is more than one subject.", he was quick to add.
"I see. You can leave. Stay, Levi and tell me what happened. And Martha, wait outside.", we nodded and left, Eld and Petra saying me goodbye and good luck before heaving towards the common room.
Leaning against the cold stone wall, my body slowly and painfully slid until it was seated, replaying the entirety of the trip so that reporting it would be quicker. My lids closed on their own and a deep sigh escaped my lips.
Who was that woman back then? Why was she so familiar...? It was evident now that my grief had taken a much bigger toll on me than what had been forseen previously. Maybe the time to ask for a few days off was now... Just to get everything back together and return fresh and rested.
"Oy, come in.", the captain's voice echoed inside my head and I obeyed, entering the office.
"Take a seat, Martha.", Erwin offered in a solemn voice. "First of all, report."
"I apologize, commander, I failed to finish a written report on the trip-"
"For now, an oral one will suffice.", he interrupted. So, my recount was initiated, covering broadly our trip, from the moment of departure to the arrival of the captain, since from then on, he'd reported it himself.
"Nothing further to report, sir.", I finished.
"Then now, the corporal has asked to read the act of last mission's incident.", my heart dropped. He wanted to know what'd happened for us to be found in such a state.
"Sir, I kindly request that I may be excused from this reading.", my best efforts couldn't conceal the panic in my voice as once more we'd return to that day and relive it again.
"Denied, lieutenant. You know it's standard procedure for the writer of the report to be present whenever it is reread."
"I know, sir. But please, I-"
"Enough. Please sit and be patient.", he ordered, passing Levi the folder.
My eyes were glued to his face as he began to read it. Make no mistake, this was no short report; it was a 10 sheet exactly reenactment of what had happened. Turns out that when incidents involved the lives of almost an entire team and its sole survivor was the leader, the reports were required to be as complete as possible.
The captain's face remained unreadable for the first few pages, his expression changing slightly as he passed through Lee's injury and continued to our attempts at escaping. Overall, it took him about 15 minutes to read through the whole thing, without anymore exterior displays of "emotion".
"Thank you.", he said, passing the Erwin the folder once again. "I'll be going now, if you'll excuse me.", without any further word, he got up and left the office, closing the door behind him.
"I heard you got hurt, Martha,", Erwin broke the silence between us.
"Yeah... and I let the intruder escape... Look, Erwin, remember when you said I could ask if I need some time?"
"I'm sorry, but now it's impossible. Not with two people out there trying to sabotage us. Levi told me you seemed to know the first intruder."
"Yes, they seemed familiar but I haven't been able to remember from where. I apologize for what happened, I should've been better prepared to handle the situation."
"How are you feeling?"
"You don't need to ask. I'm fine, right now. I'll need to ask Hange to look at my injuries."
"Very well", he sighed. "Go meet her. I wish I could give you days off.", he mumbled, delving into his papers once again.
"Thank you. I'll have the report on your desk tomorrow, Erwin. Sir.", I saluted him and left, searching for Zoe.
~
Let's see...", she spoke absentmindedly, examining my half naked torso. "Cracked ribs? Check..", she said, poking me until my muscles recoiled from her touch.
"Hange, come on, do you have to treat me like an experiment?...", I sighed, annoyed. "I'm serious."
"Fine, fine.. spoil sport...", she huffed. "You wanna join us today? We're going to test something out with Eren in the well. I wanna see if he reacts to the lack of sunlight like the other titans."
"Sure, I miss doing research."
"Well, good news is that nothing is broken so no danger there. Just take these and don't put anymore pressure on the ribs.", she announced, handing me a bottle of small pills, painkillers, most likely.
"Is this safe to eat? Last time you gave me something-"
"Yes, of course it's safe! I made them myself."
"That doesn't help my distrust... But thanks, I'll take them.", I ceased my opportunity to leave, lest she started rambling about whatever titan related thing she could remember.
~
For the first time since they'd written their names on the memorial wall, I went to see them. To a person who did not believe in such thing as a 'god' or in the afterlife, pretending to talk to the dead wasn't really comforting.
Rather it felt emptier than just accepting their deaths and moving on but for some reason, my shoulders felt heavy with guilt and I wanted to talk to them, even if they couldn't hear, I wanted apologize, to tell them it was my fault that they were dead and that what had happened would be forever burn into my mind so that something similar wouldn't happen again.
"You know... I think about you guys everyday... I'm not very good at this sort of thing, I just-", for a moment, my voice cracked and tears began to form in my eyes but, taking a deep breath helped to suppress them.
Sitting with my legs crossed on the dirt, looking at the wall full with the carved names of fallen soldiers, another sigh escaped my lips.
"Talking to yourself isn't going to help much.", a voice commented behind me. Turning around, it was the corporal, causally passing by. He stood there as if waiting for something.
"I know... I guess I wanted to see them at least once. I didn't come here when the carved them in.", it was too painful to go there. Even thinking about seeing those names, my friends, there.. it was just too much. "Um... captain.. Do you have someone you visit here?"
"None of your business, Martha.", he spat harshly. My question seemed to have hit a nerve but from his expression, it didn't seem like apologizing would do much good so there was just silence between us for a moment before he began to walk away. "Shitty brat...", he mumbled, walking in a rushed pace back inside.
Dinner time would soon arrive so, after giving the engraved names one last glance, I headed back inside.
- Flashback -
"How are you feeling, Lee?", Martha asked the boy leaning against the wagon's rim, half awake.
"I'm... tired...", the sound of the horses' hooves and the wagon's wheels turning over then rough terrain muffled his voice almost completely.
"Come on, don't fall asleep. Keep talking to me.", she had his hand clutched between hers, nudging him softly whenever he lost consciousness.
"What happened...? Where's Kayla?", he seemed disoriented which was only normal given the state in which he was. Levi couldn't peel his eyes from this scene, although he didn't know 'Lee' very well, he saw the distress in Martha's face whenever the other stopped answering.
Beside them lay the corpse of the other girl, covered in a sheet. Erwin had decided to deliver the body to the family even with the huge slit on her throat. The other two that were missing would be reported as just that: missing.
There was no need to tell the families of their death. That way, they could continue to have hope that they'd return one day. He noticed the boy had stopped talking for a while now. It'd happened; he'd succumbed to his unknown injuries. She still held on to his hand, pulling him so that he'd be laying down and covered him in a spare sheet.
Sitting leaning against the rim of the wagon, Levi saw her taking a deep breath and waiting for the journey back to come to an end, which it did about an hour later.
"He didn't make it.", the captain heard her inform the commander. "His injuries were too severe. I'll give you a complete report of the incident by tomorrow, sir."
"Take your time, lieutenant. It should be done as soon as possible, but take at least a few hours to recover."
"Certainly, sir."
As the formation entered the Stohess district at a hellishly slow pace, the people gathered around, mumbling at each other, searching for their loved ones amongst the living. Cries of mothers and fathers could be heard in the crowd.
Levi kept looking forward, avoiding their stare and keeping the horse steady. While the multitude of common folk that created a hallway for them to tread was loud, the company remained completely silent.
Eventually came the people who demanded to know where their sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, what have you, where. With this, the march came to a halt and Erwin took the lead to speak to them in general, which brought relief to some but utter outrage from the others.
Martha's attention was caught up in a woman in the midst of the crowd and Levi saw her fighting back bitter tears. The mother of some brat who'd died that day most likely. The woman ran inside the house in front of which she was standing.
The lieutenant jumped off the cart, waiting for the woman to return, but instead a man with a large build came out, still with a napkin tucked into his shirt and brandishing a fork that appeared to be soiled with food.
"How dare you return here without my daughter, you fucking whore?!", he barked, lunging at her with the metal object. Why wasn't she moving? She was just standing there, looking at the man and barely moved aside in time to avoid it being lodged in her neck.
The others were quick to restrain the savage man, who kept shouting insults at her. Looking closer at the lieutenant, Levi saw a thin trail of blood flowing down her neck, coming from her jaw. By the time Petra told her about it, it'd already formed a stain on her shirt, her hand only smudging it more as she tried to clean it.
Her stare was blank for the most part, her mind seemed to wonder, away from where they were. Sitting back down on the wagon, they were finally able to continue the journey to the HQ, the enraged man continuing to scream in the distance but not attempting anything else after having his arms almost broken by Eld and Zacharias.
End Flashback.