Chapter 11. Jealousy.

I've tried. Really, I've… I've done my best these past two weeks, but Elsa just doesn't seem to see that. She doesn't appreciate my effort.

I've been somewhat protecting her from my friends. True, some things I can't stop from happening, but at least I'm there to make sure they don't hurt her too much. For example, when they were planning about stealing her earrings, I proposed to better write something nasty on a paper sheet and to attach it to her back with some tape, after all, she could take it off latter. They, however, decided it was too boring and insisted me to write 'whore' on her face instead. I accepted, but did it with a water marker, so she could erase it latter. It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? And I even apologized latter in a message! But she didn't reply, and after that, she hasn't sat beside me at English… not that it matters anyways, we can't speak freely in front of Meg. And haven't really talk to each other at school except when we had to do the talk about pirates (I may add that we got a 100, even though Elsa refused to dress up as we'd originally planned).

The point is, Elsa's been really cold and distant, as she was before winter break. She's really an Ice Queen. I don't even know why I gave her that cellphone if she never answers the texts I send! Am I doing something wrong? Why can't she just tell me why she's upset with me? Why does she just… shut me out? I want to be her friend, I really do! But I can't if she keeps her distance.

These have been the worst two weeks of my life. And I'm not saying this just because of Elsa.

Hans has been quite… insistent. Even if, since what happened the first day, I've been careful not to be alone with him, or allow him to corner me again, but still he's tried some times to kiss me without my consent… and touch me. Sometimes he's succeed in that last one, but… at least in two more weeks I'll be safe. I hope. Once this bet is over he'd have to let me go and find some other girl to entertain him.

It doesn't help either that all my friends except Rapunzel and Meg (And Elsa, of course, if I can still call her a friend) have been trying to persuade me into going back to be Hans' whore (Because let's be honest, that's what I was), saying how silly I am to reject such an opportunity and joking that I must be a dyke. Every time they make fun about my sexuality, I'm tempted to tell them the truth to get them off my back, but I know it'll only make the bullying worse… I may even end up like Elsa.

Honestly, I can't see a way out of this. I'm doing my best to work out my problems, but it seems like it's not enough. I can't find a solution. There's no possible answer when I ask myself how can I keep Elsa as a friend while, at the same time, not losing my status in the High School's hierarchy, but without being Hans' whore or part of Snow's gang.

On top of that, I haven't been able to raise my notes because my head is occupied in everything else.

All this stress is going to give me ulcers, seriously. I already barely sleep anymore (and sleep is sacred for me).

Anyways, today is a day just like the others. I've already seen Snow, who's told me how I must go back with Hans and her friends agreed. I've already texted Elsa a 'Good morning' to see if the Ice Queen's heart has thawed even a little today, but, as usual, she ignores me. And now, I'm walking out of the cafeteria after grabbing something to eat and heading to my next class, but I find Hans there at the entrance; waiting for me. I put an uneasy smile on my face and go greet him.

"H-Hans. Hi." I stutter, standing still in front of him, fighting not to fidget anxiously.

"Hey, sexy." He greets me with that charming smile of his… only a mask that hides his true intentions. "Where are you going?"

"To Chemistry. I just came here to buy some chocolate. I should go now." I say as I try to push past him, but he moves, blocking my path.

"Chocolate? Doesn't that has too many calories?" He asks raising an eyebrow.

"So?" I spat slightly upset, taking the chocolate and unwrapping it to make it clear that I don't care. I'm about to take a bite when, suddenly, Hans snatches it from my hands and holds it high. "Give it to me!" I demand.

"I'm afraid I won't. I want you to be in good shape when I fuck you." He smiles with that dreading grimace of his and I feel my blood boil at his words, becoming reckless.

"You are never, ever, going to fuck me." I say furiously, barely keeping myself from slapping that smile out of his face.

"Of course I will. I always get what I want." And with that, he throws the chocolate to the ground and tramples it with his foot, over and over again, as I try to stop him but I'm prevented from doing so as he keeps me on my place with both of his strong arms.

"No!" I scream. I feel my eyes burning with tears of indignation, but I don't want to cry, not in front of him. I can't give him the satisfaction...

"Already crying?" He laughs. "I thought you were stronger."

I look at him with anger… no, fury. I want to hit him, to make him pay so that he'd never even dare to look at me again, but as physically strong as I am, he's stronger, and all I can do is glare at him as tears blur my vision before falling down my cheeks.

"Hey, Anna." I hear Snow's voice behind me and turn to see her, not really pleased at her presence. "Why are you crying now?"

"Nothing." Hans answers for me. "I just saved her from a few calories being added to that precious butt of hers, and she doesn't even thank me."

"Oh Anna, that's just rude!" Ariel (who is behind Snow together with the other girls) chastises me.

I sigh in defeat, knowing I can't go against all of them, and wipe my tears with the back of my hand.

"You're right. I-I'm sorry… Hans." I say not looking at him, feeling the bitter taste that those words leave on my mouth.

"It's okay, Anna. I forgive you." He says wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to him, kissing me "tenderly" on my temple.

"Awww! Look at you! You're so cute together!" Aurora exclaims, and I fake a smile for her just to return my gaze to the floor the next instant.

"Indeed we are." Hans agrees. "Shall we go?" All girls nod and start moving, while I obediently follow, looking at the ground in a defeated gesture.

As we walk through a hallway, nearly reaching my Chemistry classroom, Snow suddenly says:

"Look! The Ice Queen." We all turn to see her and my heart nearly stops. She's so beautiful. A little too cold and poised, as always, but really beautiful.

"I think we haven't greeted her yet. "Hans says smirking and (fortunately) taking his arm off of me. "How rude on our part."

He starts walking towards Elsa and I'm about to interfere, but a small voice inside me, prevents me from doing so. She's been quite cold towards me all this time, when I've been trying to protect her, even if she doesn't protect me from them. I'm not in the mood of risking another humiliation from Hans just to save her pathetic ass. Serves her well for not texting me back.

As Elsa notices Hans' presence, she walks faster, probably hoping to scape, but he grabs her backpack, keeping her from doing so.

"Where are you going so fast, Ice Queen?" Hans asks with his usual wicked tone, but she just ignores him, as usual. Sometimes I hope she could at least fight back a little, not remain so helpless. It's seriously exasperating. "Are you deaf?" He asks chuckling. When she doesn't answer, he pulls the backpack from her shoulder so hard that she stumbles and falls to the ground. I grimace a little, but quickly hide it. "Let's see what we have here." He opens it and my heart stops. I hope she doesn't have the cellphone there. I don't want him to find out about it. "Do you seriously only have books?" He says with disgust as he turns my backpack upside down, shaking it to empty its contents at his feet. No cellphone. Has she lost it? Or she just doesn't want to see my messages anymore, so she doesn't carry it?

A lot of things fall from her backpack, all notebooks and textbooks, and a paper sheet, it's very boring actually, so I'm not surprised that Elsa doesn't do anything. Except she does. She tries to reach for the paper sheet, showing some kind of emotion for the first time as she sees it fall, but the moment she moves, Hans grabs her sweater and forces her up, pining her arms against the wall and keeping her from moving.

"This is important to you, isn't it?" He asks and Elsa fearfully shakes her head, avoiding eye contact. He, however, turns to me and I know he's going to get me involved. "Take it." He orders. I, not wanting to upset him and telling myself that it's probably nothing, do as he says and unfold it. "Read it. Out loud." He commands, but just as I'm about to do so, Elsa speaks.

"W-wait Anna." Her voice is shaky, too vulnerable to be from the Ice Queen. I look at her, confused as I see the desperation on her face. Is this really that important for her? What, is it a love letter or something? "P-please don't." She pleads, but I'm already glancing briefly at the paper. "Please, if… if I mean anything for you, don't read that." As she says that, I stop. Of course Elsa means something for me! I love her! But surely reading this can't cause her even more damage than usual, right? She can live with it. I'm definitely not going against Hans this time… am I? God, she looks so vulnerable! Like a beaten puppy. Will I really abandon her? Could I really be that cruel?

"She doesn't care about you." Snow interferes. "Don't be ridiculous. Come on Anna, read it." At this, the other girls try to persuade me, and people even start gathering around us, wanting to see what's happening. I can't really deny this to them, can I? It's so difficult!

Maybe I should read it silently first? To decide if it'll truly affect Elsa, I mean, it could be too personal or it could be a silly thing. How am I going to decide if it's worth protecting it if I don't know what it says?

So I start reading.

Dear Jack. That's how the letter starts. Dear. Fucking. Jack. Who is this Jack? Her boyfriend? She's never called me dear. I better keep reading, just to make sure. It could be nothing.

The letter is quite large, so I skip a few paragraphs until I see his name again. I miss you, Jack. That's how that paragraph starts. Desperately, I skip a few lines, searching for something that tells me this guy isn't really that important for her, but I only find this: without your love, life is just meaningless. I feel anger building inside me, fueling the one I already had from when Hans took away my chocolate.

Meaningless? But I am her friend! Am I not? Why can't she be happy with me? Why is she writing to this Jack now? Is he the reason she's distanced herself from me?

I feel utterly betrayed, and I can't help it when I look at her with a killer stare and start reading out loud.

"Look at what the Ice Queen wrote. It's for her 'Dear Jack'" I say with a mocking tone and everyone starts laughing. I ignore the hurt and fearful expression of Elsa as I continue. "'I miss you, Jack. You're the only real friend I've ever had, and losing you was the worst experience of my entire life.'"

The only friend? And what am I? A pet, perhaps?

"Ha! A friend? You?" Snow says to Elsa. "I'm surprised you could found a single one. I bet he was blind!" Everyone laughs and Elsa's expression becomes even sadder. "Or that he didn't mind the cold." She makes a motion of trembling, making them all laugh even harder.

"'I wished you could be with me now, reassuring me, telling me that it's gonna be alright, that there is hope.'" I continue, not daring to look at Elsa again, afraid of what I may find.

"There's not hope for you, useless piece of trash!" Aurora says. "Why would anyone ever bother in telling you otherwise?"

"'Without your love, life is just meaningless, and I can't believe in the possibility of a better future.'" I laugh, even though my heart is breaking.

So she does love Jack. And I thought I had a chance with her.

"'Without your love'?" Snow cites. "What is he? Your ex-boyfriend?… wait, of course he's not; no one could be that stupid, but surely you liked him. A one-sided love as it's always with the ones like you."

"No! He loved me!" Elsa protests, startling me. There's actually feeling on her words. It hurts her to be told that her love doesn't love her back.

How does it feel? It hurts, right? Well, that's what I've been feeling every time you don't answer me.

"This ice bitch's mind is more screwed than I thought if she thinks someone could ever care for her! Let alone love her back!" Ariel states with a malicious voice.

"You know nothing!" She says trough gritted teeth, her face red and angry as she struggles against Hans. "Let me go!"

"Looks like the Ice Queen is heating up." Hans chuckles at her useless attempts to break free. "Anger is the only thing you can feel, is it not?"

"Of course it is." I say. "Despite what it says in this letter, she's incapable of loving someone, of feeling anything good. Not that it matters; no one could ever have feelings for her. I know I don't."

Then, everything happened too quickly. Elsa struggling again, Hans falling to the ground clutching tightly his crotch, Elsa running towards me with a clear murdering intention, me running as quickly as possible until I reach the bathroom and get in, and Elsa catching me at the corner, pinning me against the wall, her left arm pressing at my throat strongly as her right one drew back, ready to hit me.

I am surprised, not believing what's happening. Elsa's face, that until now I'd only seen devoid of emotion, gentle and happy, or sad and desperate, at this moment is terrifying. I can see it in her eyes; she doesn't even seem to recognize me. She wants to kill me. She wants to make me pay. She wants revenge. And all I can do is to stay paralyzed as her fist comes dangerously close to my face, closing my eyes as I wait for the impact… but it doesn't come. The sound reaches my ears, but the pain never arrives.

When I hear weeping, however, I carefully and slowly open my eyes to find Elsa crying, her face just inches away from mine, left arm still on my throat, but not pressing anymore, and right fist against the wall, just beside my head.

Wait, what? Elsa? Crying? Elsa the Ice Queen, crying?

It's an impossible sight, and even somehow more unsettling than Elsa trying to murder me. She's always been so cold, so regal, never crying no matter what they… what we did to her. She never expressed her feelings except when she was in my house, and those weren't so intense as the anger, desperation and sorrow that show trough her sobs.

"E-Elsa?" I ask, wanting to comfort her but not daring to even touch her. She briefly looks at me with hatred, before stepping away, putting her hands on her face and sitting on the floor, crying miserably. I have to do something.

My heart is breaking at the sight, and I feel horrible for what I did. I guess I didn't think that trough. Elsa was begging me not to read that letter, appealing for our friendship, and I just… betrayed her. I guess I was angry because of what Hans had done to me earlier, and about those horrible past days, and I got jealous of Elsa's friend. That Jack. God, even thinking about him makes me furious. But no, now it's not the time for this. Elsa needs me, but what should I do? Maybe I must ask her?

"Uh… Are you okay?" I ask. There's no answer. "Do you need something?" Elsa looks up glaring at me and continues crying even worse this time, pulling her hair in a painful way. Her sobs are so desperate, so heart wrenching that I'm tempted to just flee out of there before I start crying with her, but I know I can't; I did this to her, and I shall fix it.

I see blood getting out of her right hand's knuckles, probably because of the blow she threw at the wall, and I decide I should at least alleviate her physical pain.

With that thought in mind, I go to the washbasins after grabbing some paper towels, wet them and return to Elsa, kneeling in front of her and carefully cleaning her wounds. She flinches and tries to get away, but I grab her arm and continue with my ministrations. After a little struggling, she finally lets me do it, but not because she wants me too, it's more like she's resigned now, and I don't like it. I don't like the hopeless expression on her face.

Once I've finished with her hands, I get up and go to the nearest stall to get some toilet paper. I return then and offer it to her with a smile. She just eyes at it for a moment, seemingly trying to calm herself, before taking it hastily, avoiding all contact with my hands, and blowing her nose with it, then wiping her tears with the part that's still clean. I watch her doing all this intently and remain kneeling in front of her until her weeps finally subside and the only thing that reveals she's been crying are her red eyes… and utterly sad face.

"Are you okay?" I ask again, reaching to stroke her hair, but stopping in midair before I can reach it.

"Jeg vil dra hjem." She says, her voice swollen. It takes me a few seconds to realize she's spoke in Norwegian; she's never even said a single word in her first language before. Heck, she doesn't even have an accent! "I wanna go home." She repeats, this time in English after realizing I didn't understand.

"Oh? Of course!" I say as I grab her arms and help her stand up. I really don't think she can (or want) go to class in this state; her eyes are red and puffy, her face pale and full of sorrow, her clothes wrinkled and her hand bleeding. Not to mention she lost her backpack. "I…" I bit my lip. "I'll take you home, don't worry. You'll be fine." She slowly nods, looking to the ground, and I carefully lead her out of the bathroom.

Fortunately, the hallway was already empty… which also meant Elsa's belongings were nowhere to be seen. I insisted on going to the janitor's locker to see if he had found them, but Elsa said there was no need for that, that she'd see it on Monday (today is Friday), and I complied, figuring she just wanted to get home as soon as possible.

As she didn't have any money, I paid the bus she indicated me (even if she said she could go on her own, I insisted on coming with her to make sure she got home safe) and we sat there in awkward silence after my unsuccessful attempt to ask for forgiveness. I guess I deserved her silence; I really made her suffer this time.

From times to times, a couple of tears would fall from her eyes, and she'd just let them dry at their own, not even showing signs of knowing they'd fell. And I almost felt like crying with her, but I didn't; what good would it do?

After a painfully awkward twenty minute ride, we get down the bus and start walking down dirty and narrow streets surrounded by humble houses (in comparison to my own, that is) and buildings. Some stray dogs and cats being the only living beings around here.

After five minutes walking in silence, I can't take it anymore and ask:

"So… Who is Jack?" She stops dead on her tracks and I turn to see her wide eyes, looking to the ground, as if my question has caught he out of guard. For a moment I fear I've overstepped the boundaries.

"I…" She starts with a soft voice. "He was… my friend." I nod and we resume walking.

"For what I read on the letter, I take it he means a lot to you." I comment, trying to sound casual, even if I'm drowning on curiosity and jealousy.

"He… does."

Does. Not did. Does.

"Oh." I say, swallowing my tears as I feel physical pain on my heart. Despite my better judgment, I keep asking. "Do you… love him?"

"Yes." She answers without a doubt, her voice shaking slightly, as if she were going to cry.

"does he love you back?" I ask, dreading the answer. She nods, apparently fighting to keep her crying at bay. Now we're both in the verge of tears. Wonderful. "T-then… what… what's keeping you from being happy together?"

"He's… not here."

He's from Norway, then?

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, but feel bad about it one moment latter. I'm happy about something that's making her suffer. What kind of shitty friend am I? What kind of despicable human being? Jealousy is really a dangerous and horrible thing. I can't let it dominate me. I'll do the right thing.

"Were you happy with him?"

"Yes."

I swallow, dreading my next question, knowing it could change my life forever. But then again, it could also change Elsa's for the better.

"Then, why don't you go with him?"

"I can't." There's utter desperation on her voice and a few tears fall from her eyes.

"Why not?" I ask confused.

"Because… If I go with him, I'll never be able to come back."

Really? I mean, I know Norway is far away, but you could surely return one day.

"Come back to what, exactly?" I say instead. "I know here you're bullied, you're unhappy and don't even eat well." I point to her skinny body. "And the only friend you have, betrays you at the first opportunity." I sigh, ashamed, as I stick my hands on my pants' pockets. "I don't think that's a life worth living."

"You really don't want to see me again." She murmurs.

"What?!" I exclaim, realizing she took my statement the wrong way. "No! I… I'd never want you to leave, you're my friend! But… If I can't make you happy and Jack c-can…" I swallow to get rid of the knot on my throat. "Then I... I'll be happy if you are, even if I know I'll miss you."

"You mean it?" She asks, looking at me for the first time since we got out of the school.

"I do." I answer. I know it'd be the best for all; Elsa will be happy with the one she loves, no one will ever bother her again, and I won't have to deal with this dilemma that's tearing me apart; I won't have to decide between my love and my safety because Elsa would be gone. I'll miss her, of course, but we could surely still message each other?

Elsa nods.

"Thanks Anna." She then returns her gaze to the pavement and I instinctively know that the conversation is over.

"You're welcome." I say and we keep walking in silence.

After a few blocks, Elsa finally stops in front of a blue decolored house, very small for more than one person to live. I feel pity for her, for living in such a small place, but at least I know she didn't lie when she said her house was very small.

"I'll… see you on Monday?" I ask unsure. She nods. "Right, then… goodbye." I tend her my hand and she looks at it as if trying to decide what to do. Just when I'm sure she won't take it, however, she hugs me. I'm so surprised that I don't hug her back at first, but when I'm about to do just that, she lets go off me and takes a step back.

"Goodbye Anna." She says, getting her keys out of her pocket. "It was… nice to meet you." I look at her confused as to why she'd say that, but then she opens the door and is about to get in, before stopping in the doorway, looking back at me and saying something that catches me off guard. "Anna I… I forgive you." She gives me a sad smile and then turns around again closing the door, leaving me astounded.

I know I should be happy about it, but I can't find it in myself. It's not like it didn't sound heartfelt, because it did, it's more like the fact it felt like a farewell… like we were separating forever. Like something bad was about to happen.

I shake the feelings off and run down the street, trying to get away from those thoughts, but they eventually catch me and I find myself crying my lungs out as I sit on the sidewalk. I feel like today I lost something important, but I don't know what.