Chapter 14: The park.
This past week passed really slowly. Like way too slowly. I've been visiting Elsa everyday as I promised, but there has been little to no progress, even if Gerda insists she thinks she's getting better. I mean, yeah she doesn't try to hurt me every time she opens her mouth anymore… actually she treats me somewhat friendly? Well, not hostile. But she still spends most of the time lying on her bed, trying to sleep, and I've had to force her to eat at least twice, and she still says she's a monster and that she wants to die (Those words break my heart every time). I don't know… I think I'd like to see a faster recovery, even if I know it's impossible.
Maybe a change of environment would help? I mean, Elsa's room is all gray and depressing. I don't think she'd agree to go outside though.
After another day of continuous harassing from Hans (He's still trying to get into my pants), mindless conversations with Snow and the others and getting some comfort from Meg and Rapunzel, I go to Elsa's house, greet Gerda and head upstairs to see Elsa with a plan on my head. Today, I'll make her get better, even if it kills me.
As I open the door, the first thing I notice is that Elsa hasn't eaten her food, since her plate is situated on her nightstand, untouched. Gerda said she'd given it to her ten minutes ago, but she hasn't taken even a spoonful of the broth. I sigh, but say nothing, as I get in.
"Hi." I greet her, approaching her bed. She turns to see me with that tired and bored expression mixed with sadness that never fails to give me chills. "Uhm… Guess what? Remember the other day I told you I had made your homework for you and gave it to the teacher saying you had done it? Well, he gave it to me today and you got a 100!" I pull the homework out of my backpack and show it to her, hoping this makes her feel better, but she just stares at it with indifference.
"Yay." She says unenthusiastically.
"Oh, come on, smile! I did your homework for you and got you a good grade. You owe me one." I say proudly, trying to make her feel better, maybe even get a positive answer from her this time… but not luck.
"No, I don't. Good notes don't serve when you are going to die soon."
"True, but you're not dying. I won't let you." I cross my arms and give her what I hope is an intimidating but playful gaze.
"You're too stubborn." She complains, showing the first emotion I've seen on her face today: annoyance. Well, it's still better than nothing… right? In that moment she turns around so now her back is facing me, which, again, I take as a good signal, since she's usually too depressed to even move a finger.
"I am, and I made a promise to you; that I'll help you get better, and I plan on fulfilling it." Saying this, I take a step forward and take her arm, pulling her to get her out of bed. I ignore her sounds of protest and continuous struggling. "Come on, I planned something for today." I say as I keep pulling.
"I did too. My plan is to stay here and do nothing." She says, getting a little angry.
"Well, sorry. Not happening." Finally, I am able to turn her around and make her sit. She just glares at me. "I'm doing this for your own good."
"Right." She rolls her eyes.
I ignore her as I go search for a hair brush to untangle her hair, wondering when was the last time she did it, because it sure is a mess. When I find one, I return to Elsa, (Who thankfully didn't lay down again) and make a motion to brush her hair, but she retreats and says:
"No. Don't." Suddenly her voice is not only angry, but also scared, which confuses me. I mean, she doesn't have a phobia towards hair brushes, does she?
"I have to brush it, or else you'll scare everyone in the streets with your crazy witch-like mane of hair."
"I really don't trust you near my hair." She raises her hand in front of her head in a defensive gesture, and I'm confused at her words.
"Really? I mean, the day we met you didn't have a problem with it."
And I betrayed your trust and smeared plasticine in your hair… but well, you don't know that.
"Yes, but that day I learned an important lesson." Her voice becomes even bitterer.
Her words take a little to sink in, but when they do, I feel chills run down my spine.
"Wait what? You know about…?"
"I'm not stupid." She rolls her eyes. "Of course I noticed what you were doing. You wanted to impress Hans."
"Oh shit!" I can't help swearing. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I think I was just naïve and…"
"Stop apologizing." She says with an annoyed tone. "I know you were naïve and fell in Hans' trap. It doesn't change the facts though."
"I know." I sigh. "But I won't do it again. Never. I won't hurt you anymore."
"You've already said that. A hundred and twenty three times these past seven days." She crosses her arms over her chest and looks away, and I know she didn't believe a single one of them. It hurts, but I guess she'll eventually trust me. I hope.
"And I'll keep saying it until you believe me." I quickly reply. "Now, come on, let me brush your hair."
This time she doesn't put up so much resistance, though she does try to retreat as I start untangling her hair. It's really full of knots. It's a good thing I'm an expert on bad cases of bed hair, otherwise I'd never finish this.
After several minutes of hair pulling and Elsa making angry grunts and comments like "Are you done yet?", I am able to tame her mane and braid it in her characteristic style, letting out a soft sigh of relief that I was able to comb someone else's hair for the first time, and without Elsa freaking out or yelling at me, which is good.
"Okay, so now we just have to change your clothes and then we can go to the park."
"We?!" She exclaims. "I don't think so. I'm not letting you see me naked." She glares at me as if I were some rapist.
"Okay." I try to hide my disappointment. "It was only an expression." I go to her closet and try to find something for her to wear, but she only has two sets of wrinkled white shirts, black dress pants, one blue sweater and a pair of old greyish sweat pants, just as the ones she's wearing now. I sigh. There's nothing here, so I resign and take her sweater, handing it to her. "Just… put this on, alright?"
"You found nothing for me to wear?" She asks with an unnerving smile, already knowing the answer. Then, she starts putting on her sweater.
"When was the last time you bought clothes?" I ask.
"Around October." She shrugs. "I found you at the mall, remember?"
"Oh, that's right!" I nod as the memory comes to my mind. I don't remember what she bought, though. I was too concentrated watching her adorably sweet face. But then, I also remember nothing I saw in her closet was new. "Where are the clothes you bought that time?"
"Snow asked me to stay with them." She clenches her hands around the edge of the mattress until her knuckles turn white, and I know she's remembering something painful. I want to hold her, but I know she'd freak out, so I just quietly listen to her; I know it hurts, but she needs to let it out of her chest (it has helped when she's told me some sad memories these past days. Not too many though). "And I said yes because I knew they'd hurt you if I didn't." I gasp. So that was the real reason? It seemed odd to me at the time, but I would've never imagine she was trying to protect me. "They told me to stay away from you, and to prove their point they ruined my new shirt." She pauses and closes her eyes as her body starts to tremble. Her voice now sounds threateningly murderous. "You know what happened next."
Wait… what?! I mean, it doesn't really surprise me that my "friends" did that, but I did never make a connection between Elsa staying in the mall with them and her attitude towards me the next Monday. If I had only realized it then… Things may had been easier for us. I am so stupid. I hate myself.
In that moment, I notice Elsa's trembling has intensified and that she now has a very dangerous expression, like she could beat to death the first person that she lays her eyes on. Oh wait… that person is me. Except, when our eyes make contact I know she's not seeing me. She is seeing her bullies. I don't have time to react before she jumps from bed with her hands extended towards me and grabs my neck. She's trying to kill me.
When I feel my breathing being cut off by her clenched hands around my throat, I panic. I never anticipated this. True, the other times she told me stuff like this, she was also angry, but never like this time. I never thought she'd try to choke me to death. I try to grab her hands and pull them off me, but it's useless. She's squishing too hard and I can barely breathe. I know I'm only seconds away from fainting.
"E-El…sa." I am somehow able to say, hoping it'll stop her. But the edges of my vision start to blur. I'm screwed.
Just when I thought I'm definitely going to die, I am suddenly able to fill my lungs with pure bliss of air. I think I never felt so relieved to feel the oxygen course through my veins. I'll never take it for granted again.
When I have finally recovered and there's only a faint pain on my neck left, I look up to find Elsa staring at her hands as if they were dangerous weapons. She's absolutely terrified, even more than I was seconds earlier (and I have never been more afraid in my life).
"Elsa?" I call for her. She looks up for an instant and then returns her gaze to her hands.
"I'm a monster." She says, utterly shocked. I want to say something to contradict her, but in that moment her gaze turns into one of hate again… only this time directed to herself, and she goes to the nearest wall and starts slamming her fists against it with all her might.
"Elsa!" I call for her and take a step to try to stop her, but I hesitate, afraid that she might hurt me instead. My whole body is trembling in fear. She continues hitting the wall and I continue trying to decide what to do until I see blood staining the gray paint and I know I can't just keep looking while she's hurting herself like that. I have to do something.
I quickly cover the distance between us and hold her tightly from behind, making sure she can't move her arms. She tries to fight me, of course, but thankfully I'm stronger and I'm able to keep her still… or so I think. Suddenly, I notice she has started tearing apart her bandages, trying to scratch her forearms, probably hoping to open the wounds and make herself bleed.
Gosh, she really has problems.
"Elsa no!" I scream as I release her only to then turn her around and grab her hands, keeping her from hurting herself. She frenetically tries to continue opening her wounds, but I don't let her and, after a few seconds of fighting, she finally sinks into the floor, defeated and exhausted. I really hate to see her like this.
"Why?" She suddenly asks, her gaze still on the ground and her arms suspended above her head by my hands. Her voice is hopeless and desperate. "Why did you stop me? I'm a monster, I should die, everyone would be better off without me."
As always, my heart breaks. I think I'll never get used to hear her saying such things about herself.
"Elsa that's not…" I swallow to get rid of the knot on my throat. "You are not a mons…"
"I almost killed you!" She interrupts me with a sudden scream that catches me off guard and I release her arms, taking a step back. Suddenly I hear sobs and, when I look at Elsa, I notice she's crying. Despite her depression, this is the first time I've seen her cry this week. She slams her fists against the floor once, but this time it's not to hurt herself; it's to express the anger and frustration she feels towards herself. "I almost killed you a-and…. and I know you're just trying to help." She mutters the last part, so I almost miss it, but when I hear it, I can't help feeling a little hope. It's the first time she's actually admit out loud that I have good intentions.
"Okay Elsa, first of, you didn't know it was me; you were lost in horrible memories. And second, you didn't kill me. You stopped yourself in time." I assure her, though it's a little difficult. A part of me is screaming inside my head to just admit it's her fault, run away and never come back, but I know that'd be cruel; Elsa needs me, this is only proof of that.
When seconds pass and Elsa doesn't answer, I know she doesn't have arguments against my words, so, satisfied, I take her arms and help her get up. I notice her bandages have come loose so I quickly start fixing them, as she just keeps herself still, resigned. I see her wounds for the first time; they are quite big and probably deep, with several along the length of each arm. Each one of them having at least four stitches. I grimace and shudder unconsciously, wondering how much despair and pain she must have been feeling to decide to just end her life in such a painful way.
"You're horrified of this." She says, her voice still swollen because she was crying earlier. "What I did to myself."
"I am." I admit. "But… I mostly feel sadness. Just thinking you could've died that day, and what you should have been feeling…" When I start feeling the familiar sensation of being about to cry, I quickly wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "Sorry" I say giggling in a bitter way. "I just get to emotional about this." In that moment I finish wrapping her bandages the best I can and quickly pull down her sweater to conceal them. "Come on, let's go." And saying that I take her hand and lead her out of the room.
It took a little convincing, but Gerda finally agreed that I take Elsa out after I assured her a million times she'll be fine, so here we are, walking towards the park in this not-quite-spring-but-not-winter-either day.
"Where are we going?" Elsa asks, trying to sound irked, but I am able to detect a hint of curiosity on her voice.
"It's a surprise." I reply.
"Do you even know where the place you want to go is? You don't know this part of the town very well."
"I've gotten lost a couple of times." I admit. "But that's what made me discover certain ice-… uh… I mean, the place we're heading to."
Phew. I almost spoiled the surprise.
"So you're getting lost and hope we'll end up there?" She says with a rather sarcastic tone.
"That's certainly an option." I say and she eyes me with a concerned expression. "But hopefully there's google maps so…" I pull a piece of paper out of my pocket and read it, only to immediately realize it it's upside down. I blush in embarrassment and turn it, trying to point where we are. I look up to see the street's name and notice we've been walking in the opposite direction. "Uhm… hehe." I laugh nervously as I rub my nape. "Okay. I did get a little lost. But don't worry, now I know where it is."
Elsa sighs and rolls her eyes and I pull her back from where we came.
We arrive to our destination a few minutes later, and I'm quite surprised Elsa didn't complain even once about me getting lost or about having to get out of her house. She doesn't say anything else either, but it's not an I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you silence, it's more like she doesn't have anything to say… or she does, but she doesn't want to say it for some reason. Either way, I'm quite surprised. It's like she's actually trying to be better or something. I wonder if she feels guilty about what happened earlier.
We come to a stop in front of an ice cream shop and I, letting go of her hand, stand in front of her and raise my arms exclaiming:
"Here we are!" I smile, trying to look enthusiastic, but Elsa's cold expression isn't helping. It's rather awkward. "Do you like it?" I ask with a nervous smile.
"Kind of." She shrugs with a bored face and for a moment I worry that it may not have been a good choice.
"We could go somewhere else… if you want." I tentatively ask, fearing her rejection.
"We are already here." She pushes past me and enters the shop. I don't know if this is good or bad, but I decide not to question her.
Once we're both inside the ice-cream shop, I start looking at the flavors, trying to decide which one I should try. It's not that hard; the options are very limited. I go to the counter and tell the vendor what I want.
"Hi! I want a chocolate ice-cream, please." I smile and he smiles back.
"Of course, something else?" He asks.
"Elsa?" I turn to ask her, but she's just awkwardly staying at the entrance, looking to the floor.
"I don't have money." She simply answers.
"I'll pay." I state. Was it not obvious?
"No thanks. I don't want ice-cream." She says with a somewhat… disappointed? voice, and I figure she does want to have some ice-cream, she just doesn't want me to pay it for her, like she'd owe me or something.
"Okay then." I say and then turn to the vendor. "Make it double, please."
"Alright." He answers and then tells me the price. I pay, he then goes get the ice-cream, hands it to me and I thank him before exiting the shop with Elsa following behind me.
After we walk a few paces, Elsa finally walks faster to get to my side and asks:
"A-aren't you gonna eat it?" She is staring longingly at the cold delight. I smirk. So she noticed I haven't taken even a lick.
"Not until we arrive at our destination."
Though it's fucking hard resisting.
"You mean it wasn't the ice-cream shop?" She asks confused.
"Of course not." I roll my eyes. "Oh, there it is!" I grab Elsa's hand and pull her towards the park at an almost running speed. I really want to eat my ice-cream now. We arrive at a bench and I motion her to sit down. She does it gladly since she hadn't walk at all these past two weeks and is probably terribly out of shape. I sit at her side and take the first lick at my ice-cream, moaning at the delicious flavor. "Oh Elsa, this is great!" I exclaim.
"Really?" She says in a hostile tone, looking on the opposite direction of me. I know she's angry that she couldn't buy one of her own, but that's why I requested it double. I know she's too proud to ask for some though.
"You could have some if you asked." I say. "I can't eat a double ice-cream alone… well actually I can, but I shouldn't because my brain would freeze and, on top of that, I'd get a cold and all that stuff, but I'd really like to eat it all… if I wasn't with you because I totally want to give it to you. Not all. Half. You know what I…"
"Stop talking!" She shouts turning to look at me annoyed. "You are giving me a headache."
"Sorry." I say, looking to the ground and feeling how my cheeks are burning from embarrassment. "It only happens when I'm nervous. I really hate that part of myself."
"No. I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." She says, more calmed, but I see in her eyes she's not entirely regretful. She's getting tired of me.
"It's okay. Everyone says it's an awful bad habit…" I sigh, suddenly feeling like crying because, if I remember correctly, Elsa was the first person who wasn't upset because of my rambling. She actually said she found it adorable. And now… she can't stand it. I decide I should change the subject before I start crying like a baby. "Anyways. Do you want ice-cream or not?"
"It's your ice-cream. You eat it." She says shortly before turning again to look anywhere else.
Damn! Does she have to be so proud?
"I bought it for both of us, so half is yours. Here." I tend it to her, she briefly eyes it with longing, only to harden her stare and look to the ground again. "Come on, my arm is getting tired and my mouth is salivating."
"You. Eat. It."
Again that annoyed tone. I should change my strategy.
"Okay, if you say so." I say nonchalantly as I start licking it, moaning loudly and exaggerating my reactions to catch her attention.
"Can't you be quiet?!" She snaps suddenly, clearly fighting to control her desire for the sweet dessert.
"I'm sorry, but this is so good I can't help it." I say with my mouth still full of the deliciousness. "It's the best ice-cream ever. Are you sure you don't want some?"
"No." She says hugging herself and trying not to look at it but failing.
"Really? Don't you think you deserve to have a taste of the most wonderful ice-cream on the entire planet?"
Okay, I'm exaggerating, but it's for a good cause.
She only bites her lip and looks down in a sad gesture. I'm slightly confused for a moment before realizing that, indeed, she doesn't think she deserves to eat ice-cream, probably because of what she did earlier.
Oh Elsa. Why do you deprive yourself of what you want? Why are you constantly punishing yourself? Hurting yourself? You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live. You're a human, a girl, not a monster.
Without thinking, I place the ice-cream directly on her mouth, to which she flinches, getting away from it, but her tongue still licks the remains and, for a moment, her eyes widen in surprise and delight.
"Elsa, you deserve it. You deserve to have everything you want, to have fun, to be happy." I insist.
"I don't. I'm a monster, Anna."
"No, you're not." I contradict her. "You're only a very broken person."
"Still. I'm a danger to the others."
"Only because you deprive yourself of feeling good things, because you hate yourself. Because you're not happy, you only feel aggression."
She blinks as if she hasn't ever think of it that way, and seems to be lost in her mind for a few seconds (That I use to have another lick) before eying first at the ice-cream, and then at me with a contemplative expression. I know it's my opportunity to strike again and break her wrong conceptions.
"Elsa, it's true you've hurt me, but I've also hurt you, so we're even. It's no reason to beat yourself up and… turn the aggression you feel towards me or the others against yourself." the moment I say it, I realize it's true. First, when she wanted to hit me in the bathroom, she hit the wall and then attempted suicide, and today she started hurting herself again after trying to strangle me. Both were exaggerated reactions though. Maybe it was accumulated fury? Of course! That's why she's the Ice Queen; she takes it all without complaining but only because she hides her fury, not letting it go and holding it in, poisoning her insides, destroying her to the point she ends up as she is now; depressed, full of resentment and anger. A monster. A beast. A real Ice Queen with a frozen heart.
If I learned something from fairytales though, it is that true love can turn a beast into a handsome prince (Princess in this case) or even thaw a frozen heart.
This may not be a fairy tale, but I'm positive it still works in real life. Elsa, I may not be a knight in shining armor. I may even be the villain in this story, but I'm all you have, and I will save you. I will learn to love you and, perhaps, I will be able to melt the walls of ice around you.
First mission: Get her to eat ice cream.
"Come on, if I deserve ice-cream, so do you." I say, handing it to her. She eyes it hesitating. She wants it, she wishes to eat it and, if the way her stomach is growling is any indication, she certainly needs it. She is fighting herself, and I'm gonna help her. "The first step to stop being a monster, is being happy. Monsters are not happy." I insist. She bites her lip for a moment and then, quickly, takes the ice-cream away from me and starts licking it frantically, as if she's never eaten something as delicious as it. I smile, but I still want some. "Hey, leave something for me, will you?" She turns to see me, then looks at the ice-cream and, reluctantly, gives it to me. I take a couple of licks and then return it to her, then she does the same and we keep taking turns to taste it. It's the most normal and pleasant interaction I've had with Elsa this past week, and it makes me regain some hope because, if the small smile in her lips is any indication, we're finally making progress.
After finishing the ice-cream, we were walking around the park. It's almost deserted now except for a few people walking their dogs and one tramp lying on a bench, so the only sounds are our feet stepping on the remaining snow and the birds chirping. We're not talking, but it's a comfortable silence, and I smile since Elsa is not protesting that I'm not releasing her hand. This is just how it hoped it'd be, I think Elsa really just needed a change of environment.
In that moment, we arrive to the playground, but since the sun is already setting, there are no kids around. My playful nature kicks in and I can't help running to the nearest slide and, letting go of Elsa's hand, start climbing the stair.
"What are you doing?" Elsa asks.
"I'm climbing the stair, of course." I answer giggling. "Come on, you should do the same."
"Why?"
In that moment I reach the top and smile at the sight. It's a very tall slide, and the sight is amazing; the sky and clouds are full of orange and pink tones, and the light of the settling sun, reflecting on the patches of snow, gives the dark trees some mysterious aura. It's amazing, I love it!
"Elsa, come on! You have to see this!" I exclaim turning to look at the girl in the base of the stairs. "The view! It's amazing!"
"We're in a park. What's amazing about that?" She says raising an eyebrow. I roll my eyes.
"Why don't you come here and see by yourself?" I retort.
"I think I'll just stay here until you stop acting like some over-exited child." She says it with annoyance, but do I hear a hint of amusement? I smirk.
"Well, if you don't come by yourself, I'm afraid I'll have to go down there and make you climb." I giggle and slide down at full speed, managing to stop just in time to not land on that huge pile of dirty snow at the end of the metal ramp. Then, I get up and run where Elsa is. "So, are you doing it willingly or do I have to force you?"
She stares at me with a listless expression and then at the slide, then she shakes her head. I pout and give her a stubborn gaze, saying with my eyes that I'm not giving up until she has climbed that damned stair. After a brief staring contest, she sighs defeated and exclaims with an over exaggerated tone of resignation:
"Fine! I'll go."
"Great!" I jump with a happy smile. Elsa just rolls her eyes and start climbing, while I do so right after her. "Wait for me up there!" I say as she arrives to the top.
"It's too small for both of us." She says, standing on the small square, clearly designed to harbor just one kid.
"I know." I answer as I reach the top of the stairs. I have another plan. I just hope Elsa concedes without freaking out, because geez! She really needs it. "Sit down just at the verge of the slide, with your legs on it." She turns to see me with a confused and distrustful expression. "Relax, I won't push you, I just wanna try something."
She still hesitates, but I give her the most sincere and soothing smile I can muster hoping she will trust me for a change. I can see that she wants to, but she just can't, and it saddens her, almost like she's recalling all the times I let her down. All the times I betrayed her. I sigh.
"Please Elsa, I know this is difficult for you, and I know I don't deserve your trust but… If you just gave a chance to prove you I've changed, or at least am changing, that you can trust me, that I'll never betray you again… otherwise you'll be alone, even if I'm with you." She looks down, considering my words. "Please, just…"
"Okay." She suddenly says, so softly I almost miss it. It surprises me, but I say nothing fearing she'll regret it, as she sits on the edge as I told her.
I mentally high-five myself and do a little victory dance as I climb the last steps and, careful not to make sudden movements, sit right behind her, putting my legs beside hers in the small space that the stretch slide provides and wrapping my arms around her waist. She flinches and tries to escape from my embrace, but the only escape route right now is forward, down the slide, so she stays still, realizing she could fall.
"Anna what are you…?"
"Relax." I say with a soothing tone, placing my chin on her shoulder and hoping it's not too forward. "I figured you needed a hug; they say it's good for depression." I pause, not being able to keep myself from inhaling her minty scent and enjoying the soft feeling of her sweater's cloth. "And look at the horizon. Sunsets are one of the most relaxing scenarios I know. They give me a sense of calm, stability, because they're the last sunrays before the world is enveloped in darkness and people go to sleep. They tell you the day is over and you have to move on. If you did something good, they tell you you can rest now and celebrate your accomplishment. If you failed or did something bad, they tell you there's always tomorrow to try again."
A few moments of silence pass as both of us contemplate the sun going down, the sky becoming darker and darker. And, in that moment, feeling Elsa's body slowly relaxing into mine, hearing her soft breathes and enjoying the feeling of sudden warmth and calm that's now descended upon us, I know I've never been happier. I know this is a moment I'll cherish all my life.
Then, Elsa speaks, and her voice doesn't interrupt the calm quietness of the moment; it's like an instrument adding it's beautiful voice to an harmonious orchestra in perfect synchrony, making the song even better.
"I… never saw it that way." She says softly. "Sunsets always gave me a feeling of… melancholy."
I look at the orange-y tones and see that she's right. I also feel it. But why?
"My brother used to say sunsets are a portal that connect us to the ones we lost. Whether they died or left…" She pauses and we stay silent for a moment before she takes a deep breath and continues. "I don't know if it's true. I just know that… they make me feel like I lost something." She swallows and I see she's suddenly at the verge of tears. I don't point it out though. I just try to comfort her.
"Sometimes we have to leave things on our way. Whether they are people or experiences, opportunities… we have to do it to move forward. Otherwise, we become stagnant. It hurts, and we miss them… sometimes we repent but… that's what the sunset is about; we may have left one day behind to submerge into darkness, but there'll always be a sunrise."
I take my eyes off the beautiful view to see the girl I'm holding and, in that moment, I notice there are tears falling from her eyes and I fear that I said something wrong and made her upset, but, just before I start apologizing, she turns around and wraps her arms around my neck tightly, sobbing softly on my ear.
First I'm shocked, unable to move and wondering if I even should move, but then I react and tighten the embrace, hoping to transmit to her my feelings, to let her know that I'm here for her, that I'll help her, that she can trust me… that we'll bear the darkness of the night and see the sunrise. Together.
It's a moment so full of emotion that I actually let some tears fall.
And then, the moment is broken by the feeling of the floor moving. Fast.
Wait. No, the floor is not moving; we're falling down the slide!
I can't slow down in time and we end up falling in the cold muddy snow… well actually only Elsa because I end up landing on top of her.
"Ooof!" She exclaims as the air is knocked out of her lungs.
"S-sorry." I say, trying to get up and falling again because of the slippery ground. I'm about to try it again, when she stops me, grabbing my arms.
"It's okay." I look up to see a faint smile gracing her lips. I smile back. "It was time to go home anyways."
I then look around and see the sky has finally become dark and the lights have been turned on. She's right; it's getting late.
"Help me up." She says. Those simple three words make my heart swell with happiness. She's never asked me for help before and, even if it's on something as small as this, I know it means she's started to trust me.
"Of course." I answer and, more carefully this time, try to stand up, taking Elsa's hands and pulling her up when I feel I'm somewhat stable, however, the momentum make us stagger a little before Elsa grabs firmly my arms and both of us regain balance. Then, we step into a drier spot and start walking towards the road as both of us wipe our respective tears.
We soon get out of the park and, after walking a few blocks, arrive to Elsa's house, where she turns to see me.
"That was… fun." She says, looking at the ground.
"The slide thing?" I ask.
"The fact that you suddenly became a poet looking at the sunset." She teases.
Wait… She teased me? Wow, that's new.
I laugh as a small blush coats my cheeks.
"Yeah… I'm normally pretty bad at metaphors."
"I've noticed." She answers trying to hide a growing beam.
"Well… see you tomorrow then." I say, knowing I have to head home now or else father will kill me, and tending her my hand. She looks at it for a moment before taking it.
"I must admit this little idea of yours exceeded my expectations." She admitts trying to look all poised and serious, as if she hasn't really enjoyed going out but it wasn't that bad. I knew instantly that she just doesn't want to admit she had a very good time though. I roll my eyes. "Thank you." She says then more sincerely, allowing a small grin to grace her features. Then she releases my hand and turns around to enter her house.
After giving her a final glance, I also turn around to walk home, the widest smile growing on my lips.
This day went by far better than I expected… except for the almost-choked-to-death part, but aside that, this visit was actually way better than the ones before, and I didn't leave feeling exhausted and hopeless. Actually the opposite; I feel optimistic and full of energy because, for the first time since her suicide attempt, Elsa acted somewhat like her old self, and this make me think she's closer to recovering than I first thought.