Carol's cries were still rushing into my ears. Looking straight ahead, I could see Sophia's lifeless body lying on the ground, blood pooling by her head. Keeping one hand on Cheyenne's face, I tried to stand. I failed, and just stayed there, sitting in the dirt. Holding Cheyenne close to me. She was still crying and I could feel my own tears sliding down my cheeks.
"Don't look. Don't look." I heard Daryl say as he picked Carol up from the ground. Once he got her to her feet, she snatched away from him, jogging off to the RV. Everything felt like tunnel vision, and I began to wonder if I really was dreaming. Beth was crying, she broke away from Jimmy and walked quickly toward the dead walkers on the ground.
"Shh, wait, wait, wait!" Rick tried to stop her, but she dodged him with ease. Beth rolled a walker away from a female corpse as she cried.
"Mom.." I could hear her say as she sat down in front of the body. Suddenly, the walker stirred and grabbed Beth. Everyone seemed to rush over at once, grabbing Beth and shoving the walker away from her before Andrea killed it.
I barely even noticed when Shay came over, picking Cheyenne up. I could hear Shay saying my name, but I didn't even look up. I just kept staring at the barn. Why? Why... How could God play such a cruel trick? All along, all the searchin' and prayin', the pain and sufferin'. And here she was all along. All along, just walkin' around lifeless, wonderin' when she would get her hands on the next meal. Why? I asked myself. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I took no notice in the others walking back toward the house.
I did take notice, however, when a very familiar presence hovered over me. I shut my eyes, trying to stop the sob threatening to escape. When I opened my eyes again, Daryl was kneeling in front of me. For some reason, the only picture I could see in my head was the barn. Sophia, dead.
"Lookin' right through me, girl." Daryl said, reaching out and grabbing my hand. He stood and pulled me to my feet. I looked up at him, watching his eyes as they searched mine.
"She's gone." I said simply. I heard nothing in my voice, it just sounded blank. Blank and empty.
"Yea.." Daryl kept his eyes on mine.
"All that time..." I trailed off getting angry. "All that fuckin' time, and she was right here. Right here. In the stupid barn full of walkers. Wastin' time, runnin' through the woods, runnin'..circles around each other. Carl gets shot, you get an arrow in the side. Shot in the HEAD. Givin' Carol all that false hope, and for what? Just to find Sophia dead in a barn that we've been sleepin' next to!"
"Wasn't time wasted!" Daryl growled.
"She didn't deserve it." I said quietly. "All the shit she went through, and Ed finally gets what he deserved. She was free, Daryl! She was free! Then this." I looked away as fresh tears spilled from my eyes.
"Stop." Daryl demanded softly, using his thumb to wipe away my tears. I shook my head softly, looking into his eyes as he brushed away the tears.
"How?" I whispered. Daryl just stared at me, before placing his hand on the nape of my neck.
"Imma go check on Carol, you gonna be all right?" He asked, and I nodded.
"Go. Make sure she's okay." I said, and his hand was gone as he walked off toward the RV. I walked over to Andrea, feeling oddly calm. "What can I do?"
"Help us dig?" Andrea asked, her voice quiet. I said nothing, just turned and grabbed a shovel from T-Dog, following him to the trees.
"Lori said here." T-Dog mumbled, and I clunked my shovel against the ground, smashing it further into the dirt with my boot. I lost my sense of time as I kept shoveling dirt, feeling myself sink lower and lower into the hole. Shane, Andrea, T-Dog, and Glenn all offered to take my shovel and help me, but I declined. Insisting to keep digging.
Slamming the shovel into the fresh dirt, I stomped again and again. Slam and stomp, shovel dirt over the side of the hole. I kept going quickly, repeating the process over and over. Every time I slammed the shovel into the dirt, I did so with such force that it jolted my arm.
"Here." Daryl's voice caught my attention, and I looked up. He had his hand held out, clearly wanting my shovel. Shaking my head, I kept digging into the ground. Daryl hopped down into the hole with me, gently taking the shovel from me. I looked at him for a moment, before tearing my eyes away and turning around. Climbing out of the hole, I sat on the edge, just watching him dig.
We said nothing, but it was a comforting silence. I just sat watching him dig deeper and deeper into the hole. I couldn't imagine what was going through Carol's head right now. I didn't want to imagine. If it had been Cheyenne... It would have killed me.
Daryl climbed out of the hole and walked over to Sophia's body. I watched, fighting tears, as he picked her up slowly. The way he had picked her up off the ground, had been the most gentle I had ever seen him with anything. Daryl walked slowly to the grave, laying Sophia down, before jumping into the hole. He grabbed her gently, and pulled her body into the hole, into his arms. Gently laying her on the floor of the grave, he stood back up and pushed himself up and out of the hole. I watched as he walked back to the RV in silence.
Grabbing the shovel, I began to scoop the dirt over Sophia's body. Why am I doin' this? Why's it gotta be me? I asked myself, as I watched her disappear under the dirt. Her shoes were gone, then up to her knees. I kept shoveling dirt into the hole. Her stomach was being covered, as I kept shoveling. Once her chest was no longer visible, I braced myself, and began shoveling dirt over her face.
I watched in silence as the tip of her nose disappeared. Without missing a beat, I kept shoveling the dirt until the grave was completely filled and then some. Letting the shovel fall, I watched as Lori walked to the RV, stepping inside. A few moments later, she returned without Carol, but Daryl was following behind.
Shay walked out with Cheyenne, who ran to me, arms open. I picked her up, setting her on my hip. Daryl stood close to Cheyenne and I, and it gave me some comfort as I listened to Hershel proceed with the funeral sermon. He didn't say much and something inside of me was glad that he didn't.
Shortly after everyone dispersed, Hershel disappeared. Rick and Glenn trotted off to save the day, and I worried for them both. Cheyenne fell asleep early, and I decided to try and find Daryl. Walking up to where he had moved his tent, I heard voices.
"What's the matter with you? Why would you be so selfish?" I heard Lori ask.
"Selfish? Listen'a me Olive Oyl! I was out there lookin' for that little girl every single day! I took a bullet an' an arrow in the process, don't ya tell me about gettin' my hands dirty!" Daryl voice was risen to a near yell. "You want those two idiots? Have a nice ride. I'm done lookin' for people." I came around the corner as she walked off, seeing Daryl look up at her as she walked away.
"Harsh much?" I mumbled, walking over to him. He snapped his head up at me.
"Nah, truthful much." Daryl snapped, and I threw my hands up.
"I didn't come up here to fight." I said quietly. "Lori's a bitch at times, but Rick and Glenn ain't at fault for her mistakes."
"What'd you want?" Daryl huffed, looking up at me. Anger and hurt seemed to swirl in his blue eyes.
"To talk." I whispered, sitting beside him. He jumped up, away from me.
"Ain't nothin' to talk about!" He spat. I sighed and tried not to glare.
"Fine, if that's what you want..." I trailed off and walked away. I didn't even look back, my mind screaming at me not to. Walking closer to the farm, I veered off and found myself at Hershel's pond. I sat down, watching the sun set, the water glistening under the hues of colors. I did the only thing I knew would help me calm myself down. Make me think about something else for a while.
"What ravages of spirit, conjured this tempestuous rage? Created you a monster, broken by the rules of love," I sang softly, staring out into the water. "And fate has led you through it, you do what you have to do. And fate has led you through it, you do what you have to do. And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go... Every moment marked, with apparitions of your soul.." A footstep made me jerk around. Daryl.
"How long you been standin' there?" I asked.
"Not long." Daryl said. I just stared at him, and he looked down before walking toward me. Sitting down beside me, he looked out at the pond.
"Beautiful ain't it?" I asked, looking at the array of purples, pinks, and oranges scattered through the clouds across the sky. Daryl shook his head, but still said nothing. I turned my head to look at him and his eyes met mine. I could see a hint of green in all of that blue, as he stared back at me. "What do we do now?"
"Dunno." Daryl's answer was gruff, but not harsh.
"I had to shovel dirt over her face." I said quietly.
"Stop." Daryl said gently. I scooted closer to him, and was shocked when he put his arm around my shoulders. We sat that way, still and silent, until darkness settled in. He then stood, taking my hand and pulling me up. I walked beside him and trailed off to the house. Once inside, I found Shay.
"Cheyenne still sleep?" I asked, hovering in the front doorway.
"She woke up and ate, but then fell back asleep. Maggie is letting her sleep on the couch tonight." Shay explained.
"Wow... Honestly didn't think they'd be much in a helpin' out mood after what Shane did." I admitted. "Imma go back outside, I guess."
"Where'd you go today, Spencer?" Shay asked quietly, before I turned to leave. I stopped and looked at her.
"What'd you mean?" I questioned, putting a hand on the door frame.
"After... After Sophia. I tried to get you up, but you just sat there with this blank look on your face." Shay kept her eyes on mine.
"Dunno... Just wondered why, is all." I replied. I turned and walked away from the door. Walking quietly, I reached Daryl's tent. He was sitting outside of it, fiddling around with the fire. I walked by him and touched his shoulder gently. He flinched at my touch, but never looked up. Letting my hand slide off of his shoulder, I walked over to the tent and ducked inside.
I sat down, leaning against my sleeping bag. Looking up at the top of the tent, I began to think about Rick and Glenn. Truthfully, I was concerned. They should have been back by now. It couldn't take this long to make a run into town and retrieve Hershel. Unless something went wrong. Still thinking about the situation, I heard footsteps coming closer, followed by Carol's voice.
"We can't find Lori... And the others aren't back yet either." Carol said, catching her breath.
"That dumb bitch must've gone off lookin' for 'em." Daryl said quietly.
"What?" Carol asked.
"Yea, she asked me to go. Told her I was done bein' an errand boy." Daryl said. I sat still, just listening.
"And you didn't say anything?" Carol's voice rose to a slight panic. Daryl said nothing, and I heard Carol's footsteps, as she was about to walk past the tent. But instead, she stopped, and I heard her walking back toward Daryl. "Don't do this. Please. I've already lost my girl."
"Yea? That wasn't my problem neither." Daryl spat, and I heard him walking closer. His hand yanked the flap of the tent open as he ducked inside. Sitting down across from me, we just sat in silence.
"She's worried about you." I spoke quietly.
"No need to be." Daryl grunted.
"I do, too." I said before I could think. Daryl just looked at me, and then I heard the sound of a car. Speeding off.
"Shane, probably." Daryl nodded. "Goin' to look for Olive Oyl."
"What she did was stupid." I mused. "Kinda shocked, actually. That she even went out there on her own."
"She's done a lot of stupid." Daryl mumbled, and I agreed silently.
"She's pregnant." I half whispered, looking away from his face. I glanced back at him, and his face showed slight shock, before the shock disappeared with a knowing look.
"Figured. Saw her thowin' up her breakfast the last couple of days." Daryl said.
"What if it's Shane's?" I asked, looking at the floor of the tent.
"So? Not my business." Daryl snorted and I whipped my head up, glaring at him.
"Look at him, Daryl. Reckless, stupid. A danger to everyone, if you want my opinion. He's gonna have it planted in his head that Lori's baby's his. Cause problems." I explained. Daryl was quiet, only shaking his head. Deciding to lay down, I turned my head when Daryl unzipped the tent flap and stepped out. I sat up. "Where you goin'?"
"Calm down, girl. Jus' gonna check around. Make sure everything's quiet." Daryl growled, and I nodded my head sleepily. Laying back down, I heard him zip up the tent, and his footsteps walked away. I closed my eyes, feeling drowsy, when suddenly I heard something. I opened my eyes, listening. More footsteps, but not Daryl's. They came toward the tent, then away from it.
"What are you doin'?" I heard Daryl's voice, sounding annoyed.
"Keepin' an eye on you." Carol, again.
"Ain't you a peach." Daryl's voice sneered.
"I'm not gonna let you pull away." Carol said firmly. "You've earned your place."
"If you spent half ya time, mindin' ya daughter's business, instead of stickin' your nose in everybody else's, she'd still be alive!" Daryl's voice was angry.
"Go 'head." Carol's voice sounded calm.
"Go 'head and what?" Daryl asked, before raising his voice. "Man, jus' go! I don't want you here! You're a real piece of work, lady. What, you gonna make this about my daddy or some crap like that? Pfft. Man, you dunno jack. You're afraid. You're afraid 'cause you're all alone! You got no husband, no daughter. You dunno what to do with yourself. And you ain't my problem! SOPHIA WASN'T MINE! ALL YA HAD TO DO WAS KEEP AN EYE ON HER!" I sat up, ready to go out there if needed. But everything was quiet, and then I heard Daryl coming back to the tent. Ducking inside, he stared at me blankly for a moment, then the cold crept into his eyes.
"Thought you were asleep." He huffed.
"Never made it. Carol's loud ass footsteps snapped me awake." I mumbled. Whatever Daryl was about to say, the sound of a car rolling up the dirt road stopped him. Peeking my head out of the tent, I squinted through the darkness to see everyone standing in front of a vehicle as Shane and Lori stepped out. I could hear their voices faintly, and ducked my head back into the tent, zipping the flap back up. "Shane and Lori's back."
"Go to sleep." Daryl mumbled, and I rolled over to face him.
"Awake now." I announced, staring at him.
"Well, go to sleep." He growled.
"I'd rather talk." I said quietly. When he didn't say anything, I spoke again. "You know, my mother married my father for the money. That's how she was raised. Good 'ol southern money is what my grandparents directed her towards. She wasn't always such a bitch. She hadn't always beat on me. My father, on the other hand, piece of trash. My mother slowly turned into him, became his shadow. She became hateful, spiteful, toward my father. Took it out on Sam and me..."
"What happened to 'em?" Daryl asked.
"Hopefully they're burnin' in hell." I said coldly. Daryl rolled on his side, staring at me. He propped up on one elbow.
"Not your parents.. Your brother." Daryl said.
"Oh... Sam. I... I dunno. When the outbreak happened, didn't have time to contact anyone. Just had to go. Dunno where he's at or if he even made it at all." I admitted quietly. I decided to change the subject. "Do you think Rick and Glenn are okay?" Daryl shrugged, still staring at me.
"If they ain't back by tomorrow, I'll go lookin' for 'em." Daryl said.
"I wanna go." I said, feeling sleepy again. I yawned.
"Sleep." Daryl mumbled, and I nodded, rolling over away from him.
"Daryl?" I whispered.
"Hn?" He grunted.
"Will you hold me?" I asked quietly, expecting him to either leave the tent or say no. Daryl didn't answer me, but I felt him move toward me. His arm came around my side slowly, his hand against my stomach. Pulling me closer to him, I felt his breath tickle across the back of my neck. I shivered slightly, causing him to tighten his grip.
His body was tense, even his arm. I could tell he wasn't used to this type of stuff, and honestly, neither was I. Growing up hadn't been much fun for me, and I had never experienced things most teenagers did. I had been more concerned with keeping myself alive and trying to get out on my own at eighteen. Never had time to date or have flings, so I didn't really know what to expect.
I closed my eyes, relaxing against him, and I could feel his own body relaxing as well. It was slow, but he was beginning to feel less tense. His arm was still holding me tight, as we laid there, pressed against each other. I could feel his breath against my neck, as I drifted off into a dark, dreamless sleep.
I awoke to Daryl hovering over me. The sunshine was seeping through the open flap of the tent, and Daryl's eyes were bright in the light of the sun. For a moment, I lost myself in those blue eyes, and he smirked down at me. I grinned, stretching. As I sat up, he backed away a little, watching me.
"Rick and Glenn back?" I asked.
"No. Goin' to get 'em." Daryl replied, studying my face. I stood up and started to step out of the tent. As soon as I ducked out, Shane was right in front of me. I stepped back, bumping into Daryl, who was stepping out of the tent.
"Spencer." Shane nodded, looking at us strangely. The look disappeared, and he looked at Daryl. "You ready?"
"Yea." Daryl said simply, and I walked down toward the RV with them. Once down to the camp area, Shane pulled a shotgun from the back of one of the vehicles, handing it to Daryl. I watched as he pumped the shotgun, and then began preparing to leave. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dale and Andrea talking, Andrea looking very annoyed. She came walking towards us.
"Guys.." She trailed off when a vehicle was heard coming up the dirt driveway. I looked up to see the vehicle Rick had taken to go find Hershel, speeding up the dirt road.
"Oh, thank God." I mumbled. Daryl and I began walking toward where Rick would park. Looking up, I saw more than three passengers, and a familiar face caught mine. I stopped, frozen in my tracks. My brain was screaming at me, and Daryl was staring at me as if I were crazy. "Oh my God..." I breathed as one of the back car doors swung open and I saw him. He immediately stopped, looking at me.
"Spencer?" His voice held so much disbelief.
"SAM! SAM!" I screamed, running toward him. We collided in hug and I couldn't fight the tears. Everyone was looking at us questioningly, except Daryl.
"SAMMMM!" I heard Cheyenne, and Sam stepped back from me as Cheyenne ran over to us, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"You're alive? Both of you? How?" Sam asked.
"Yes! And Shay! Look around, these people. Been with 'em since the outbreak." I explained hurriedly.
"Shay?" Sam smiled.
"Yea." I walked over to Rick, who had just let go of Lori. "Thank you." I whispered, hugging him tightly. I felt him hug me back gently and I smiled.
Then I saw her. She came around the side of the car, staring at me. I stepped back from Rick, my smile turning into a frown. Standing in front of me, was my mother.
"Patricia, prepare the shed for surgery." I heard Hershel's voice. Rick and Lori began whispering about Lori's car accident, when T-Dog spoke up.
"Who the hell is that?" He asked, and I unlocked eyes with my mother to see what he was talking about. There was a young guy in the back of the vehicle.
"That's Randall." Glenn said. Everyone walked over, staring at the guy. I looked at Rick.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Got shot at, the kid fell from a roof, and the fence went through his leg." Rick replied.
"We were hidin' out in one of the store's basements. Been there about a week." Sam spoke up. "Heard the noise outside, went to see what was goin' on, found them."
"So you don't know the kid?" Andrea asked, looking back at Randall.
"No, never seen him before." Sam shook his head. "How'd you get away?" Sam was looking at me.
"Just took Shay and Chy and ran for it. Drove to the city, thinkin' we'd find help. Instead I found a group, some still here, others not..." I looked around and then back at Sam. "Everyone, this is my brother Sam." I announced.
"And this is our mother, Katherine." Sam spoke up. I glared at him, and he looked at me questioningly.
"Sam?" I asked, "Talk?" I nodded my head away from the group.
"Okay." Sam said, following me out of earshot.
"What the hell's she doin' with you?" I blurted out in a growl.
"Spencer, she's our mother. Couldn't just leave her." Sam argued, but his tone was calm.
"I sure as hell could! I don't want her here." I shook my head. "Is he alive?"
"Honestly, I dunno. He took off." Sam said quietly.
"I hope he got torn into little pieces." I shook my head. "And I hope he's burnin' in hell."
"Spencer, stop." Sam tried to touch my arm.
"DON'T TELL ME TO STOP!" I yelled, jerking away from him. "You brought her here! You saved her? After what she did to us? After what she let him get away with?"
"Spencer, please..." I whirled around to see my mother standing there. "You have to believe me when I say-"
"Don't." I said loudly. "Don't even look at me." I pushed past Sam, ignoring his calling toward me. I saw Daryl watching me, but I didn't even look at him. I kept walking, heading for the pond.
Well, you guys ! That's ch. 18. Holy moly, I know. Spencer finally found Sam, but still not all is well... I definitely hope that you all noticed how Daryl made sure to check on Spencer before checking on Carol. I wanted that to be significant in this chapter. Daryl and Spencer are so damn cute ! Haha I love writing this, and the feedback is amazing. I am so happy that you all are enjoying it ! Unfortunately, I just got a job and I am currently taking classes 2 days a week, so I won't be able to update as much as I have this week. Can thank spring break for that one, haha ! Reviews are GREATLY APPRECIATED, as always. I will update soon !
~Kaila