Avery spun in happy circles around the yard, singing a nonsensical song to herself, kicking up morning dew as she went. Lindsay sat on the porch and watched her daughter, laughing at her antics and her absolute joy in just being alive. Today she was going to ride a horse for the first time and she had been looking forward to it for weeks. She could hardly contain her enthusiasm and broke into a run, squealing as loudly as she could while she ran in figure eights around the yard.

"A horsey!" she giggled, galloping back to the porch. "I get to ride a horsey mama! What color is it?"

"I don't know yet. We'll have to see which one papa brings out for you."

"Oh my. You ride with me mama?"

"Maybe. I think papa is going to teach you how to ride first and then we can go by ourselves."

"I need gloves on?"

"Are you cold?"

"Little bit."

Lindsay pulled a pair of small gloves out of her pocket and put them on Avery's hands, then pulled her daughter close and kissed her cheeks.

"I love you sweetie."

"Love you too mama. Hey, here comes papa an' a horsey! It white! Oh my goodness!"

She ran across the yard to him and jumped up and down excitedly, reaching out to pet the small pony, but backing away at the last second, her hands shaking nervously.

"Oh papa, this real?"

"Yes it's real," he chuckled, picking her up. "This is Casper."

"Hi Casper! You take me for a ride today."

"Alright kiddo, here we go."

"Mama take a picture! I on this horse!"

"You look like a real cowgirl up there sweetie."

"I so proud of me," Avery said with a nod, picking up the reigns. "Papa, we go?"

"Sure."

He clucked his tongue and the pony began to follow him, making Avery laugh in excitement.

"This most fun. I love it! Mama, look at me!"

They continued to trot around the yard, Avery squealing with every pass until they slowed down again.

"Oh papa, that most fun! Thank you, thank you, thank you so most!"

"Would you like to go a little faster?" he asked, dropping the lead to check the saddle.

"Oh yes!" Avery giggled. "Yah horsey!"

She kicked her legs against the horse and it took off across the yard. Avery squealed and held on with one hand, managing to throw the other up above her head for a brief moment before she tumbled off the horse.

"Avery are you okay?" Lindsay asked, rushing over to her and hoping that a hoof hadn't connected with any part of her.

"Ah mama, I rodeo!" she announced, standing up from the ground. "Oh wow, I muddy."

"Honey, are you hurt anywhere?"

"Nope! That so 'citing! I tell the boys?"

"I think you need a bath."

"But mama, you say we go together!"

"I know. We'll get you cleaned up and then go for a ride. It will be warmer then. Is that a deal?"

"Okay. Got mud in mine hair."

"Yeah, we'll get you a bath."

"Okay, we go."

"We need to help papa first. Casper needs to be brushed down."

"Papa, I help!" Avery called, running for her grandpa who had managed to catch the horse. "I brush Casper!"

"He's not ready yet honey. I'm just going to take his saddle off and let him run with the other horses for a while. He needs the exercise you know."

"Ben say I need exercise," she said softly. "My butt very big."

"Well that wasn't very nice of him," he chuckled, leading Casper to the fenced in field where the other horses were already out.

"No, daddy say to him to be nice an' I not help it. Wow, look at them runnin'!" she hollered, pointing to the horses. "Lift me up to see?"

"Sure. You can sit up here on the fence, just like your mama used to do when she was little."

"I like this. Papa, I bring a horse home to Yew Nork with me?"

"No, it won't fit on the airplane."

"Oh that too bad. I like a horse at my home. We play lots games."

"Are you a little lonely when the other kids are at school?"

"Yes. I go my school but it not same. I go tumblin' too! I be home an' by self. Nobody to play with."

"Have you asked your mama for a dog or a cat?"

"Yes. She say no right now. Later maybe. Hey papa! You come home with me an' play! Be my buddy!"

"I wish I could, little girl. I have to stay here and take care of the animals and work the farm."

"Oh dear. Uncle Freddy sometimes play."

"Did you know Uncle Freddy is my little brother?"

"Oh my that so silly! Mama, you know this?"

"Yes, of course I knew."

"Oh boy."

"Someday when you have babies, Colton and Ben will be their uncles."

"But mama, uncle Danny not your brother."

"I know. I'll explain it to you sometime."

"Okay. I cold now. Time for bath?"

"Sure. Tell papa thank you."

"Thank you papa! I 'joyed the horsey. Me an' mama ride later."

"Alright Sparkles. Go have your bubble bath."

"An' boys guess what?" Avery said, grabbing the computer screen and leaning closer. "I done rodeo!"

"Wow sissy! You really did?"

"Yep! I ride a huge giant horse and it run and I fall off. Like rodeo."

"Wow! I 'member when we watched that rodeo on TV with mama. It was dangerous."

"Are you sure you didn't get hurt falling off a huge horse, Aves?"

"Yep. Oh, mama say t'was a pony."

"Those are much smaller. I'm glad you're not hurt. What else did you do?"

"Um, fell in mud so I haved bath. Now we talkin' to you an' then lunch! Me an' mama gonna go for a ride an' then she say nap time. What you boys do?"

"We're gonna have the Messers come over!" Ben announced happily. "We're gonna play in the yard."

Instead of being excited to hear about this adventure, Avery burst into tears, dropping her head to the keyboard and weeping for all she was worth.

"Aves? Aves, what's the matter? Stop crying and tell me and Ben!"

"Yeah sissy, chin up sunshine!"

She sniffled and wiped her eyes, her frown growing deeper.

"I want my Sarah!"

"It's okay Aves! You will see her when you come home. And when she gets here I will tell her that you miss her and I will give her a big hug from you, okay?"

"You do that Coley?"

"Sure. It's gonna be okay. What other fun things are you gonna do on vacation?"

"I just be with mama. That most fun. I get all snuggles an' not share them."

"Well we get to play with daddy all we want," Ben countered with a little nod. "So we are havin' lots of fun too. Just this mornin' he did the throwin' us on the bed game. The one what mama doesn't let us play."

"Aw man! I play that. Tell daddy I want play that."

"We'll tell him sissy but we gotta wait until mama's gone."

"Okay, it a secret. Shhhh. Oh no, mama comin'!"

"We'll talk about somethin' else! Like the things what me and Cole finded in the backyard. Tell her Cole."

"We were diggin' in the back corner because daddy said go for it, and we found an old watch and some glasses."

"Ones what fit me!" Ben interjected happily.

"Daddy's cleaning them all up for us to have. He said maybe we can make the watch work again and I can wear it. We looked and looked for somethin' for you but we didn't find anything."

"That okay. We go diggin' together?"

"If daddy says okay we can. You can search through our dirt clumps!"

"Oh yay, I like dirt!"

"We'd better go, daddy needs us to clean up our room. See ya later Aves. Love you."

"Love you boys so most!"

The disconnected the Skype call and Avery sighed, sitting back in her chair. She missed Sarah a lot, liked having a friend to talk things over with and to learn from. But she missed her brothers even more than that. They always protected her and let her join in their games, and even when they were mean to each other she knew that they loved her.

"Did you have fun talking to your brothers?"

"Oh yes. They is so fun. They finded treasure mama."

"They did?"

"Yep. I help them another time. You talk to daddy on phone?"

"Yes. He misses you very much and he can't wait to see you in a few days."

"I miss daddy too. We eat now?"

"Yeah, granna has a big lunch ready for us."

"Mama, we make a card say thanks to granna for all the food?"

"Yeah, we could do that. How about after our nap we'll go to the store and pick one out."

"Okay! Now we eat, I so hungry."

"Honey," Lindsay chuckled, lifting her up and kissing her. "You're always hungry."

"Food is won'erful, mama."

Not used to taking naps very often, Lindsay lay quietly in the small bed, watching Avery sleep. It was so peaceful to just be in the moment as it was, letting time creep by, feeling that it wasn't wasted. Occasionally she wondered how she'd ended up with a daughter like this, how she'd gotten so lucky, how the sins of her past had not yet come back to her. Being a parent had always been a scary endeavor, sprinkled with frustrations and tears, but overflowing with joy and rewarding laughter. There were worries about the future, wonderings about how to deal with tough questions and areas of gray.

As she looked down at Avery, those thoughts increased tenfold. She remembered her teenage years, even before the night in the diner, things hadn't been perfect. Feelings were confusing, fights were difficult and there were days when nothing made any sense at all. She knew that was normal, that it was no one's fault, but she couldn't help but wish with all her heart that Avery wouldn't feel alone in those times. That when bad things happened, she would know that home was safe, that she was loved there, that no problem would ever be too big for them to solve together.

Avery stretched and rolled over opening her eyes and blinking a few times.

"Hi mama," she croaked with a little smile. "Good nap?"

"Very good nap."

"What you thinkin'?" she asked curiously, rubbing at her eyes.

"I was just thinking about you. How much I love you."

"I love you, mama."

"Do you know that I will always, always love you?"

"Oh yes. You say to me before."

"Sometimes things in your life will be hard and I want you to know that I will be there to help you."

"Okay. Can we go ridin' now?"

"Sure. Can I take you to my favorite place?"

"Yeah! I wanna see it. We ride a horsey there?"

"Yeah we will."

"We take a snack?"

"Sure."

"C'mon, let's go."

Avery hopped off the bed and pushed her hair back, then reached out and grabbed Lindsay's hands, pulling her up too.

"Mama, I like bein' with you."

"I like bein' with you too sweetie."

"Pick me up an' hold me. I like to snuggle with you."

Lindsay lifted her up and kissed her cheeks breathing in the babyish smell.

"Mama, where this place we go?"

"It's not far."

"Okay. I sit on horsey with you?"

"Yep, that's the plan."

They went downstairs and put their shoes and coats on before heading out to the barn. Lindsay took a while to get everything ready and Avery wandered around the barn, checking out all the animals and trying to start conversations with them.

"Hello," she would say to each one. "I am Avery Grace Ross. How you do?" Then for some inexplicable reason she would bow low to the ground before moving on to the next stall.

"Mama, I maked friends," she announced, having made her rounds. "Ooh, what this horsey named?"

"This is Muriel. Over there is her mama Argentina."

"Oh."

"Argentina's mama was named Aqua and she was my horse when I was younger."

"You have a horsey? Your own?"

"Yes I did."

"Oh mama, so lucky! Time to go?"

"Sure. I'm going to put you on the horse and I want you to hold on tight okay?"

"I do, mama. Up I go!"

She held onto the reigns while Lindsay got herself situated and before long they were trotting out of the barn.

"I like this," Avery said softly, leaning back a little. "So fun. What I dreamed."

"It's what you dreamed?"

"Yes. Just Avery an' mama, on the horsey, ridin'. Just us girls."

"Yeah, that's right."

"Mama, the mountain. How it made?"

"It's just made of the same stuff as the ground."

"Hmm. No man build it? Like a tower?"

"No."

"What's that?"

"That's a hawk. It's a kind of bird."

"It have nest?"

"Maybe up in that tree. And maybe it's a mama hawk and it's coming back to feed its babies."

"Oh maybe! Wow. What down there?"

"There's a pond down there for swimming in the summer," Lindsay said, glancing down the dirt path. "When we come back here, I'll take you and the boys."

"Okay. I see somethin' there!"

"What is it?"

"I dunno! Oh, it a wheel!"

"Yeah, it's a tire swing. You can try it out."

"Okay. Mama, we forgot snacks!"

"Oh well. We'll have a snack later."

"Okay. This your favorite place?"

"Yes it is. I'm going to get down from the horse and I want you to hold on again, okay?"

"I not go nowhere mama."

After tying the horse to the tree on a long lead so she could graze, Lindsay placed Avery on the tire swing and gave her a little push.

"Oh so fun! Mama, daddy make me this at our home?"

"I bet we could do that. You'll have to ask daddy."

"Okay, I do that. Wow mama, look at the sky. It very blue. Like mine eyes!"

"You're right it is."

"An' so most big. Giant clouds. Mama, Montana beautiful. We come here more. I wanna show Sarah it."

"Maybe someday we can do that."

"Okay. Ooh, flowers! Mama, I want off the swing, wanna get flowers for Au'tin!"

Lindsay helped her down, then sat on the tire swing herself, watching as Avery gathered flowers from all over, giggling every time she found a new color. She tucked one behind her ear and smiled to herself, then ran back to the swing.

"Mama, got one for you! This one white. Right?"

"Yes, that's white."

"Put it in your hair like how mine is."

"Okay. Thank you sweetie."

"I want up there with you. An' we take a picture for daddy!"

"Okay, I bet he would like that."

"Get your phone and we smile pretty. Good! Now send to daddy for him to have."

"Alright."

"An' now we take picture for Au'tin. Make a happy face. No mama, most happiest. Yes, that good. Now take a picture of us!"

Lindsay chuckled and went along with it, showing Avery the picture before she sent it.

"Now one more. We do weird face. For Danny. He weird."

Lindsay laughed and obeyed, sending the picture to Danny, along with the explanation as to why they were making weird faces.

"I like us pictures," Avery said, scrolling through them again. "Lookit, our smiles is a match."

"A match?"

"Yeah. Same. Ooh, someone sayin' stuff to you!" she said delightedly as a message notification came up.

"It's Danny. He says that if you think he's weird then he must be in a lot of trouble. He also said he loves us."

"Say to him we love him also."

"Okay."

Avery sighed happily and looked at the flowers she'd picked, counting them quietly before the phone buzzed again.

"Who it is?"

"It's Austin. She sent us a sad face picture and said that she wants us to come home to her."

"Say to her I pick flowers an' they pretty for her."

"I will. What should we do after this?"

"Um… we go to shopping?"

"What kind of shopping do you want to do honey?"

"Prize for the boys. An' for Sarah?"

"We can do some looking."

"Yeah. In a bit. Now we swing and look at clouds."

"Avery, I really love being here with you."

"Yep."

"You're a lot of fun, did you know that?"

"I am?"

"Yes you are. You make me very happy."

"You happy I yours?"

"So, so happy, Averylin. I never thought I would like having a little girl so much."

"I teach you girls is fun. Mama, I be like you?"

"You want to be like me?"

"Oh yes!"

"Well, maybe there's some things that you could do like me. But there's other stuff that I would like you to do better."

"What mama?"

"I want to teach you to always be honest with the people you love. Don't be so scared of love that you stop believing in it. I never thought that I would ever, ever get to have a fairy tale, but then I met daddy."

"Daddy your Prince Charmin'?"

"Yes, he is."

"I get a Prince Charmin' one day. He be good like daddy. Funny like Ben. Hugs like Coley. An' handsome too. An' I be so happy, and wear big dress an' smile lots."

"I can't wait until you have that someday, baby."

"I be a mama too! An' I gonna take care horses."

"Really?"

"Yes. I not be sad."

Lindsay sighed and brushed Avery's hair back from her face, briefly mourning the curls that had started to loosen a little. It made her hair look longer which made her look more grown up, which made it harder and harder to see her as a little baby.

"Honey, I want to tell you something important. You might not remember later, but I want to tell you now and tell you a lot."

"What it is, mama?"

"I want you to know that being sad isn't a bad thing. It's okay to be sad. It's always okay. I want you to have a happy life, I really do. But there will be times when you're sad. Sometimes you might get so sad that you don't remember to be happy too. If that ever happens honey, I want you to know it's okay, and you can come and talk to me about it, and we'll work together to make you feel better."

Avery nodded quietly, playing with Lindsay's hands and staying quiet for a moment before she spoke.

"Mama, Coley say you been sad a'fore. Real sad."

"Yes, that's true. It was before you were born and Ben was still a baby. I was very, very sad for a while."

"How you be happy?"

"Daddy helped me a lot. So did Austin. I went to a special doctor for a while. She helped my brain to be happy again."

"Mama, you forget to be happy? Now?"

"It could happen again honey. My brain sometimes stops working right. But daddy and Austin and Danny know how to help me, and I can always go back to the doctor if I need to. I won't ever be so sad that something bad will happen."

"Oh good. I so glad mama. I not want you be sad, but I will hug you lots."

"I love you, Averylin."

"Love you too, mama. You most good mama an' I be most good girl for you."

"You are the best daughter in the whole world."

Avery grinned.

"Thanks. We could go shop?"

"Sure honey. Whatever you want."