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The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot: Child Safety Caps
Leo's life was currently hell. But he didn't dare say that out loud in case Hades wished to make Leo's wish come true.
The entire situation was a bunch of tiny little catastrophes that merged a created a mega-catastrophe. Ooh! Mega-tastrophe… If only the Gods had kept their promise… If only he knew where Calypso was… If only he wasn't so weak and helpless…
Leo felt so distraught that he lashed his hand out at the closest or most reachable object. Unfortunately for him, Leo was doing his self-evaluation in the engine room so his hand hit a particularly sharp-looking gear and got jammed in it.
He winced. 'Ow, ow, ow, ow,' he thought. He swore that he heard bones in his fingers crack creating a very painful experience. He had to endure the pain for four more seconds as gear spun until his hand could wiggle out.
Leo pulled up his hand and turned it around to scrutinise it. The surface was red and slightly yellow and purple. If he wasn't mistaken, there was a bit of blue in there as well. When he tried to moisturise it a bit with his spit (Don't go EW! I'm pretty sure everyone's done it at least once!), he failed. Why? Because his hand was too lazy to move and his tongue wasn't long enough.
Leo groaned and trudged up the stairs that led out of the engine room. Why did all his important thinking related to Calypso happen in the engine room? It was giving him way too much exercise. Going up and down and up and down those stairs every single freaking day! 'Maybe I can install an elevator…' he thought inventively.
"TO THE INFIRMARY!" Leo said with an elevated fist, "WOOSH!"
Percy meowed. She proceeded to licking her front paw. It was outrageous! Why was it that she had to get shipped off to Ogygia?! She was in the middle of a let's-go-save-the-world quest!
She understood that Calypso needed her company as there was no one else on the island but if she didn't go back to her world, lives could be at stake.
It was sad that every hero left Calypso eventually but Percy had places to go. And it was pretty sad that Calypso couldn't even figure out her gender until her smartie boyfriend pointed it out.
Personally, Percy was very insulted. Why didn't any other heroic cats end up here? And why did a female cat such as herself get sent to Ogygia? According to the rants of Calypso, only male heroes got sent there. So why did this have to happen in the middle of a quest that could decide the fate of the entire world? One slip-up and the world would run out of its supply of gourmet cat food.
Couldn't anyone tell how important this was? Why did the gods have to punish Percy like this? It was a really terrible timing…
Leo was trying. And that was what mattered. He had an aspirin bottle in between his legs and trying to twist it open with one working hand. Curse broken hands, aspirin bottles and child safety caps!
He gave up on the aspirin and reached for a sealed bag of ambrosia.
No matter how much he enjoyed the taste of ambrosia, Leo didn't really have a good sense of measurement. He had no idea when he was going overboard with the food of the immortals. Having powers over fire, meant that his body was always warm, and that felt normal. It's hard to tell when to stop indulging the ambrosia.
He had one side of the plastic bag in his left hand and the other in between his teeth. The bag broke open and small golden crumbs came flying out.
Leo used his fingers to wiggle a few remaining pieces out of the bag and managed to swallow a piece. Lemonade… It tasted like Calypso's lemonade…
It made him nostalgic so he went back to the engine room to sulk and evaluate the value and existence of his lifetime.
Now everyone, let's just all hope Leo's hand heals quickly and he doesn't get his fingers jammed again.
Calypso smiled. She had more luck with her foraging today and even managed to find what looked like a navigational map. She turned it around 180 degrees so that she could read the tiny words.
"Your nearest McDonalds is now serving healthier alternatives for the signature McHappy Meal. Now with less fat, and still the same great taste," Calypso dictated. That didn't sound right… She noticed some fine print on the bottom.
'Ah-ha! So that's where the guidance information is!" she thought triumphantly.
"Not all stores and machinery may be in stock or operating conditions. Healthier in comparison to super-size Beef McAngus meal," Calypso continued. "DAMMIT!"
She let the breeze lift the pamphlet away from her. And that was when she remembered something absolutely crucial. Calypso was a goddess for Zeus' sake! She could teleport! Couldn't she? She concentrated on Mount Olympus and willed herself to go there before realising that the Olympians could still be really mad about the whole titan-supporting issue.
Did that make Calypso a homeless person? She hoped not. The girl thought about the way Leo's face would instantly light up whenever he talked about Camp Half-Blood.
'I'll go to Camp Half-Blood then,' Calypso resolved.
Well that took a while didn't it? I'm finally updating! :D PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO TELL ME ABOUT WHETHER I SHOULD WRITE A SEQUEL OR START ON A NEW FANFIC ABOUT A HALF-NYMPH IN THE REVIEWS!
BRING ON THE FLAMES COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!