Was told to update by a good friend of mine…. Right.

Cover art done completely by myself.

WARNINGS! Language, violence, my shit attempts at 'nursery rhymes'

.:.~O3O~.:.

~.:. Chapter Four: What Once Was Lost.:.~

We were once told…

But then again I'm uncertain.

Words were spoken,

But no details recalled from therein.

I can't quite recall,

That which I forgot.

Something dreadfully important,

But I know it not.

Flashes of bloodied fangs,

Both daily and nightly.

Haunt my continuous nightmares,

Something horrible and unsightly.

Perhaps he holds them in his grasp,

Feasting on our apathy and often emotional lack.

For who else could steal something so precious,

But the monster I swore to watch behind my back?

And as we go about normally,

I can't help but sigh and surrender.

My only solace is…

I'm not the only one who can't remember.

We once called him evil.

And we once called him dastardly.

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How many had to die before it finally sunk in? How many innocents perished because we tied our hands behind our backs, blinded our eyes, and silenced our ears? Too many; too many dead. Buried.

Haunting us. Haunting me. It was my fault, I knew it. Somehow, deep inside I knew that those deaths were meant for me. A message of some sort. Something was trying to get a point across and was paving the way in young blood. What the statement was –back then –I hadn't the slightest idea.

Now that I've seen everything and have suffered through… I know…

I know and I wish I didn't.

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10 Summers after my birth

"Ichigo."

I jerked my head away, jumping almost completely out of my skin. He'd honestly scared me. For being such a big fella, Grimmjow moved silent as the grave when he wanted to. Turning to look at him, he frowned blankly back down at me. Offering out his hand, he helped me to my feet.

"It is not safe in this part of the forest. Vengeful spirits and other such monsters lurk in the shadows here." His cloudy eyes roved through the clearing, his hand still clasped in mine. I couldn't help the fact that my face turned red and his words fell upon deaf ears. My eyes were too busy focusing in on our conjoined hands and the warmth growing in his cool palm. With a start, I noticed he was staring down at me.

Glancing a questioning look, his frown deepened in a minuscule way. But just like that, it was gone once again, and he sighed silently through his nose. "… I had asked for what reason you had us dragged out here. I have not travelled these paths in many years."

His eyes continued to shift about, cautiously watching every little movement. I couldn't help but smile, tugging him along. The reason was for the fact that I had read up on the more obscure myths and legends and one book so said that this corner housed many of them: The Weeping Widow, The Fire Swords, The Wild Men. Or perhaps even The Whispering Waters!

I was beyond excited and I was infinitely happy more with the fact Grimmjow was with me. Yanking on his hand, I dragged him along further. The paths steadily became more harried, dark, imposing. But I had a blind eye to all the foreboding tendrils scratching at my skin. And for that very reason, I was able to see the figure run through the shadows before us, an echoing sound of pattering feet.

With a jerk, I took off after it in hot pursuit. Grimmjow was surely right on my heels and we pressed deeper into the blackened trees until we came onto a grey clearing, dust motes floating about in the wind to a lazy dance. In the midst of the dry, brittle grass stood a derelict house, half collapsed and rotten. Stone ghouls and other ornaments littered across the yard.

We stepped forwards, my heart racing with excitement, my breaths gasping in and out of my chest in airy puffs. From the doorway, green, glowing, sorrowful eyes watched us. As we stepped closer, the pupils followed until we were right at the porch's edge. We stood there, completely in silence.

And then, an emotionless voice called out from the black, whisper almost entirely swallowed by the wind. "… Why have you come here? What could you possible want from a wretched soul like me?"

I smiled and stepped forwards. The eyes widened and Grimm placed his hand upon my shoulder in protection. Barely glancing back at him, I looked back to the black. With a small smile, I motioned for him to step to us, hoping to convey peace through my eyes. And for the longest time, I stood waiting when finally, a foot slid into the light. Slowly, the rest of the body followed.

And I gasped, for I could see nothing but the sorrow etched within his very soul. A face so stained by tears, the tracks were as if ink; forever there, always to remind. Skin so pale, it looked white… and a hole…

A hole?! My eyes shot straight to the precipice right about where the man's heart should be. Yanking on Grimm's arm, I pointed frantically. The two men met eyes. The more slender of the two spoke first.

"I am the Weeping Widow, doomed forever to roam alone, cursed to always yearn for my lost family." His head tilted to the side. "… I can see I am not his only victim. He took your soul."

I watched confused as Grimmjow nodded blandly. The Widow hmm'd and continued. "He took my heart. I feel nothing, and yet the tears will never stop. All I know is… sorrow. Right? … It's been so long… I can't remember."

"If it is the pain of family lost, then sorrow it is." I looked to Grimmjow, surprised he spoke at all.

The smaller man blinked slowly. "And what do you feel? For surely, your heart remains. Even without the soul, a body can still feel, if only stinted. What does your heart say?"

Grimmjow glanced to me then back to him, a slight lowering of his brow. "… It says to protect this boy from him. To find revenge for all the atrocities committed by him. I. AM. ANGRY."

I watched in shock as Grimmjow spoke the loudest I've ever heard from him. He… He can feel? A smile placed itself upon my face. I was glad to know he did feel something after all, despite his lack of showing anything at all. Focusing back, I was surprised to see the Widow's eyes once more upon my person. His mouth opened, "He is also a victim?"

Grimmjow nodded. The man continued, eyes still glued to me. "Then you are lucky boy, that you have not fared a fate so worse as ours. Behold," He motioned with arm to the stone creatures littered about. "For those who somehow survive… Behold what he does as punishment."

He stepped towards the stones, running a palm over them as he walked, stopping at one with two hunched over figures. "… My family… Turned to stone to forever haunt my doorstep… My wife… My son… Frozen in fear for all eternity… You can only pray, dear child that whatever family you lost became his very monsters. Even that fate is more merciful than this."

Suddenly, I didn't feel so excited to be here. That monster… that killed my family hurt all three of us? How many more victims were there? Gripping Grimmjow's hand, I tightly crushed my eyes shut, my breaths rushing in and out. I swore I wouldn't cry, I couldn't. I mustn't!

Grimmjow squeezed my hand back in comfort. He spoke softly, his voice gently soothing my aching heart. "I am Grimmjow. This is Ichigo."

The emotionless green eyed man stared back, body still twisted to his stone wife and child. "… I am Ulquiorra."

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Grimm and I stepped along the path, watching the ground for tricky stones and the moving roots of the dancing trees. The day was ending, and the sun was lowering quickly below the empty canopies. How long had we walked for?

As the sky slowly turned red, snow began to sprinkle about us. What? Snow? I stopped, confused. It was midsummer. Why snow? Holding my hand out, I caught a flake. It didn't melt and when I rubbed my fingers together, it smeared.

What –ash? Looking about, I realized the trees were burnt and barren, our feet kicking up soft ash from the grass. As I turned to Grimmjow, a question upon my brow, screaming laughter filled the air and heat unlike any other blasted us with dry wind. Grimmjow grabbed onto my shoulders and he dove just as something on fire crashed into the ground and dug a giant burrow as it slid.

Groaning sounded out from the person. I was just standing up, to run over to the now merely steaming person when another landed in the clearing, flames engulfing every bit of him. His weapon was drawn and glowing red with the heat. Burning eyes turned to me. A snort filled the air as an echoing, irritated voice filled the void.

"What's this? Ya fuckin' worm! Yer hidin' behind a lil' kid! Ya can't handle losin' that bad ya gotta get a lil' kid involved?! I outta kill ya jus' fer that! Get up and face me again! I ain't finished with you!"

The monster slid back into the ready, waiting for his still groaning opponent to rise. Grimmjow stepped in front of me. The burning man looked to him.

"Aw, man. Why ya gettin' in the way? Or did you want to face me? I'm none too picky."

Grimmjow's frown deepened. "No fighting. That boy is my charge. I can't help it if you flung your adversary in our pathway. Go pick a fight elsewhere."

The flames around the man grew bigger, burning brighter. "WHAT WAS THAT, YA BASTARD! ?" Grimm merely huffed and motioned for me to continue on our way. The man gaped. "HEY! Don't ignore me!"

My vacant eyed friend bowed and whispered in my ear. "Don't mind him. They're all like that. If I'm correct, then he is a Fire Sword."

"I can hear ya, ya fuckin' pansy! Get it right! I am the Fire Sword! Demon to top all demons!"

We stopped and looked back at him. Grimmjow smirked an infinitesimal smile, cruel and cold. I held my breath in anticipation. "Yeah? Then how come I've never heard of you?"

The demon sputtered so hard, shock so great, his flame went out. There stood a young looking man, red tipping the edges of his eyes, chest strong and muscled. And a bald shining head gleaming at us. Grimm smirked more as the demon's face turned red.

"N-Never heard of me? I am the eldest Fire Sword in all existence! I am the leader of our faction! I am more powerful than any of my kind, breathing for many eons: The great Ikkaku! And you dare profess you know not of me?!"

We both stared at him, Grimm unamused and I baffled. If the guy's head was any bigger, any more full of himself, he wouldn't be able to lift it from the ground. Grimmjow huffed again and placed his back to the demon. "Nope, still haven't heard of you."

And with that he stalked off, I turned to wave good bye to a once again sputtering Ikkaku.

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White blossoms fell from the canopies as Grimmjow and I sat upon the soft grass. The petals kept getting caught in his hair and I couldn't tear my eyes away. He didn't seem to notice or at least care that they were there. I swiped the petals in my hair and stared more ardently.

By the gods he was beautiful. Sitting there, I contemplated if he was once elf or fae for how could a human ever be so breath taking. My cheeks stained red as I discretely shifted closer, my hand reaching for his as I kept my eyesight turned.

Gently, my hand grasped his, my face burning hot, feeling his eyes burning down at our hands. Building my courage, I slowly looked back to him. His eyes were staring at me, a niggle of something smoldering in his eyes; a question, I could tell. I could tell that's what it was, why was I holding his hand?

I shifted closer, feeling much more confident than I should. Our knees were brushing each other as I moved in front of him, unable to make eye contact any longer. I reached up, gently pulling the petals from his hair one by one, letting them drop from my fingers before his face. His eyes were still watching me intently, trying to understand… Or perhaps apathetic as he usually was. My eyesight couldn't help it, and suddenly it was travelling to his lips, staring at them, studying them. With a soft petal in hand, I gently rubbed it against his lips.

I watched, transfixed as they parted. Glancing up, I saw surprise color his eyes for the slightest second before I was moving forwards and pressing my lips to his. His breath hitched and almost as soon as it started, he yanked away, staring at me wide eyed. Quickly rising to his feet, he backed away.

"Ichigo…" I reached out to him, hurt showing deeply on my face. He shook his head as the emotions slowly faded away, eyes once again bland and vacant. "Ichigo, you are far too young to be doing something like that. Especially to someone like the likes of me. Please, let's call today to an end. I believe you should figure out what's going on inside your head."

And with that he was stalking through the trees and out of my sight. Tears ran down my cheeks as the pain broke my heart.

That was the last time I saw Grimm….

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Grimm… Was perfectly correct in his judgments on that day, I just a young boy could not have known the implications of what I had done. I merely knew what I felt and who I wanted to be with. It was innocent and it was sweet but it did not change the fact that he was very much older than I and almost completely emotionally unable to be anything to me.

His heart might still be within his chest but without a soul, his body was so slow to pick up on such signals. He'd have to feel something very strongly for it to honestly register. And with how fast he withdrew, he must have felt very strongly.

Didn't change the fact that it still hurt terribly and my heart broke. Little child, of course, but didn't change that my heart still ached and yearned. Many would say first crushes are nothing and will go away quickly. But I'm not a normal case and never have been.

Those vacant blue eyes still haunt my dreams and I've found that my heart has no love left to give for anyone still alive and in my life. Everyone I cared for was ripped away and with it that tender emotion.

All I feel nowadays is anger and hate.

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Present Day

"Ichigo."

The darkness was sucking me down, pulling me around.

"Ichigo."

It kept grabbing at my arms and shaking me, whispering sweet nothings, seducing me to join it forever. My heart stopped and my lungs stilled.

"ICHIGO!"

My eyes snapped open as I shot up straight, a silent scream upon my lips. Frantically, I looked around for clawed hands and glowing eyes. None were in sight. As the hysteria died, my eyes caught sight and focused upon a red blob; a red blob that turned out to be none other than Renji. With a vicious snarl, I jerked his hands from my shoulders and stood up shakily. When he reached forwards to steady me, my glare stopped him short. The worried look he cast me fell upon an uncaring heart.

I had no love for the man and I wasn't ashamed to show it; never had been. A deep sigh caused me to look back to him, slowly taking in the surroundings around us. We were in the healer's house. When Renji noticed my confused stare, he straightened. "I found ya passed out on your floor, writhing on the floor frothing at the mouth. I thought for sure whatever has been killing everybody got you too… So I rushed ya to Hanatoro's…"

Tilting my head, I barely spared the annoying pest a single glance before I was stepping past, to leave. Honestly, I didn't want to go home –in fact I was terrified to –but I couldn't stand being in his presence any longer. Just as I was stepping through the door, he laid his hand upon my shoulder again. Glaring over it to him, wondering why the hell he could never take the hint, he let go. "Ichigo… Lord Ukitake called a village meeting later on today at dusk. It is mandatory for all… We are going to figure out what we are going to do about all this death…."

I jerked away from him, a snarl poised and fired his way as I turned and walked away.

Renji looked away to the ground, rubbing at his forehead, yelling back out to me. "Damn it, Ichigo. I'm not as young as I used to be and I don't know what I did to make you hate me so, but… Just know I'm still here for you. I'll always be here if you need me. Don't forget that!"

I didn't acknowledge him as I walked further away. Glancing at the sky I could see that dusk was only a short time away. Looking at my home, I stood there outside, debating whether or not I would step inside and clean up. My head was aching something fierce, the pain lancing like spears up and down my back. The darkness around me seemed to twist and turn; ether real fingers beckoning me closer to the inky depths.

I swallowed thickly and chose the house, it seemed the lesser of two evils. Moving to my room, I cautiously stepped inside and was shocked to see it. Everything was back to normal. The mirror was gone, the blood was gone. Even the door was in perfect condition, no signs of damage anywhere.

Was I going mad? Was I losing my mind? Running a heavy hand through my hair, I looked around worriedly. What the hell was going on here? The throbbing in my skull turned to a mighty roar and I stumbled to sit upon the edge of my bed.

I could feel the tension running down my back, muscles cramped so tight it hurt to breathe. A hot bath would be wonderful. Moving to the water pipes within my bathroom, I turned the knob and watched as cold water filled the wooden tub. Moving to the side, I knelt down to light the fire beneath the tub. As it filled and heated, I slowly stripped the clothes from my body.

Turning to stare at my mirror, I couldn't turn my eyes away from my haggard appearance. Running a hand down my stomach, I felt the scars, burned forever upon my skin. In no way was I scrawny, in fact from all the heavy lifting and hard labor I pushed through over the years, my body was optimal. But it was covered in scars from my trade.

Star like scars from embers littered my chest and arms. Thin slices ran along my palms and fingertips from blades and thin metals cutting into my skin and cleaving skin in two. Networking blemishes crossed my legs from dropping hot and heavy metals upon them. My body was a giant canvas of imperfection.

Except for my face. My face was perfect; handsome even. I glared at my reflection. Shallow villagers comment on it constantly, always saying the reason why I still hadn't married a woman was because I could not speak. The sneer turned ugly, pure malice coating it. But they always see what they wanted to. My face is scarred, in fact it's the most obvious one of all my entire body.

This scowl, constantly twisting my brow downwards is a scar. There hasn't been a day that I can remember where it hasn't colored my face darker. Not a single inch of me is smooth. Even my soul is broken and damaged; the most terrible scar of all. I clench my fists as I lean closer to the mirror.

Hate so deep chokes my breathing. I can't stand the sight of myself. Festering wounds that I could never understand … I feel so lost here and I hate myself for never leaving in all this time. There has to be some way to escape this misery. This village… it's always sucking the very life from me. What I want most….

Is my freedom.

Steam slowly starts to fog the mirror and I glance through it back at the tub full of steaming water. Stepping over, I turned the knob off and turned the fire down, stepping into the hot water. The burn soothes my aching muscles, the heartbeat throbbing in my skull worsening suddenly before fading away. Sliding down to sit, a long relieved sigh curls out from my nose.

As I began washing the days dirt from my skin, I couldn't help but wonder about the meeting later on. What could possibly be done? Obviously, there was some sick psychopath lose in the village. Perhaps some poor fool finally snapped began taking it out on everyone else.

Even as I thought that, I knew it to be false. Somehow, in my gut I knew that was wrong. Whoever was doing this… Wasn't from our village. Which begged the question, who was doing it then? The last outsider let into our village entered more than six months ago and left two months later.

There was nobody we didn't know here. Shaking my head, I ducked under the water, soaking my head and letting the warmth relax my muscles more. I stayed under until my lungs began to burn for air, and even then I pushed longer. Perhaps if I never popped back out for air, I'd never have to worry about my misery anymore. It would be so easy, just wrap the drain plug chain around my neck and wait….

Slowly, I lifted my head from the water, eyes filled with despair. Yeah right…

Only cowards took that way out.

Climbing out of the tub, I pulled the plug and watched as the water slowly swirled away. Turning to my room once again, I set off to find something to wear for the meeting. After all, it was mandatory. Rolling my eyes, I pulled on a simple white shirt and brown leg wear. Slipping on my worn boots, I stepped back outside.

Other villagers passed me by, walking in groups of families. Many were sobbing, tears staining their faces as they held onto a friend, trying to comfort their pain. Many more were silent in horror, walking along in staggering steps. All were somber. There were no words spoken; it was silent. The only sounds heard were the moving of feet and the choked breaths of tears.

It was dark already, the only light coming from the court house. That was where we were all headed. As we moved closer, soft lullabies were muttered, praising the dead. Wishing them a safe passage onto the next world. I lowered my head, fighting back grief of my own; grief I should never feel for people I didn't care for.

The songs that were sung were for the passing of children. So many adults sang, so many songs uttered.

There should have been none.

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My fault… It was all my fault that those children were taken from the world too soon. All my fault… Families were left broken, shattered. Many more still were left unable to carry on. How could they even try to? The little flames that brightened their worlds were extinguished, gone. How could someone like Shinji or Urahara ever hope to feel completed or content once more? Their children, their babies were stolen from them… And it was all my fault.

… Forgive me?

~.:. End of Chapter Four: What Once Was Lost.:.~

It's a transitional chapter… That's why it's shorter. Next chapter is the last one with flash backs, and the final transitional one into just adult Ichigo and his adventures.

Hope you all enjoyed, and hope y'all read this and such… I still don't feel like I should be posting anything but, hey. What's a leap of faith right? Just… Please don't let me down.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YA THOUGHT!

~8DRainbowManVan8D