A/N: I am so sorry updates are coming slowly. I have no excuses other than writers block and the lull between fictional events. I'll try harder, I promise! In the meantime, you can check out my other story if the spirit moves you as such.
Papers covered every inch of the table in the conference room, boxes full of evidence were stacked up in the corner, half empty coffee mugs stood on every other available surface and three bottles of pain reliever were lost somewhere in the mess. Mac had been up for almost 48 hours now, pouring over case material, rereading old law books that he had previously sworn he would never touch again, and spending hours on the phone with the district attorney's office. This case was wearing on him more than a lot of others had, and he was slowly losing his faith in the justice system. The prosecutor assigned to their case was dragging his feet, claiming that the case wasn't actionable, then would share any new evidence with the defense, who had been hired by the suspect before an arrest had even been made. The entire thing was backwards and everyone was at the end of their rope trying to come up with anything they could to do force the case into court.
In the last hour Mac had gotten into arguments over the phone with the DA, the chief of police, and with Flack, who had innocently called to check up on the case. He slammed the phone down and swore causing Lindsay and Austin to both look up at him, eyes wide.
"We've got to find something," he said gruffly, rubbing at his eyes before he turned and left the room.
"Jo said she's trying to talk him into retiring," Lindsay said softly, just in case anyone else walked into the room. "She said the doctor is worried about his blood pressure and the ulcer he had last year is coming back."
"I never think about the fact that he's older than us. That he's put in so many more hours. I can't see him retiring, ever."
"I can't either. But look at him, Aust. He's losing weight, he's angry all the time… this job is killing him now."
"I know. He's just always been there, you know?"
"Yeah."
"Well let's get back to work and come up with something we can use."
"We have everything we need," Lindsay sighed. "The problem is that old what's his name refuses to prosecute. I don't know why, we have evidence like crazy."
"We have evidence but we don't have a witness or a confession. Hoffman won't prosecute without all three."
"He won't even call Greg Eastmont a suspect, but doesn't think it's weird that Eastmont hired a lawyer already."
"Eastmont hired a lawyer because he's a rich goon who wants to launch his own investigation into his wife's murder."
"And his lawyer wants to see all the evidence as we find it which means we have no secrets from the defense, on the off chance this ever goes to trial."
"We've gone over and under and through all this stuff fifteen times and all I can conclude is that Greg Eastmont killed his wife and because he's rich he'll never see the inside of a court room."
"To be fair a lot of what we have is circumstantial, but all of it together… it's impossible that it's all coincidental."
"If coincidences are just coincidences, why do they feel so contrived? Isn't that what you and Adam always say?"
"Yeah. It's like we're doing a dot to dot puzzle and we know what the end picture is but until we connect that last one, no one will believe us."
"I just don't know what else we can do. All the DNA was degraded so while it doesn't definitively say it's his, we can't count him out, or about fifteen million other people in the world. Any trace of him we find on her can be explained away because they lived together. No forced entry into the house means nothing if he admits that he might not have locked all the doors the night before."
Lindsay sighed and ran her fingers through her hair frustratedly, all the pieces of evidence in the case swimming before her closed eyelids.
"Basically every lead is a dead end legally. If he was a stranger, if they weren't married and didn't live together, we'd have him. It's just not fair. Leah Eastmont will never have justice because the DA refuses to prosecute the case. It doesn't come down to science or law, it comes down to politics and money."
"And that's why Mac is having such a hard time with this one. He can't out-science them, he can't out-lawyer them. He has no pull politically and he doesn't have millions of dollars to put on his side of the scale," Austin grumbled, ripping a spare piece of paper up into small squares. "I don't know what else to do. All the evidence is in. All the interviews are done. We're left here with everything and nothing at the same time."
"So what should we do?"
"I have no idea."
"I'm going to go grab coffee and dinner. Call home and make sure the kids haven't killed Adam yet."
"You act like your kids are hellions."
Lindsay chuckled and stood up, stretching for a moment.
"The boys are fine, they just bicker a lot. Avery has been a new brand of crazy lately. Somehow your klutziness rubbed off on her and when she falls down she either bursts into tears or starts laughing hysterically at the top of her lungs. She's also started seeing what kinds of things she can put in her hair and have them stay there. Her favorite is Legos, she snaps two pieces around a strand of hair then shakes her head and says her hair is singing."
"Your kid is so, so weird."
"I know. Sometimes I just stare at her and wonder how she got that way. Want me to grab dinner for you too?"
"I'm not sure how long I'll stay, but if you're bringing Chinese…"
"I'll be back in a bit. See if you can get Mac to agree to food."
"I'll work on it."
"You food-cheated on me," Adam mumbled sleepily as Lindsay flopped face first into bed a few hours later.
"How could you tell?"
"You seem satisfied and like you're hiding something. You had Chinese."
"Yeah."
He quirked his eyebrow and rolled over, waiting for her normal banter but nothing came.
"Babe?"
"Hmm?"
"You okay?"
She gave a few grunts that either meant she didn't have the energy for words or she didn't want to talk about it. He wasn't sure which.
"How's the case going?"
A low hiss escaped her and he chuckled, finding his answer. She turned her head to face him, her eyes bleary and her expression dire. He reached over and rubbed her neck and she stayed quiet for a few minutes, forcing the thoughts in her head to trickle slowly, rather than storm the gates as if starting a war.
"We're not going to win this one," she whispered after a while, closing her eyes.
"Why not?"
"The prosecutor assigned to the case is standing in the way of search warrants, telling us to just ask Eastmont for his phone records and stuff. He says he's not a suspect so we shouldn't need warrants. But then he turns around and says Eastmont is a suspect and as such, all material is discoverable and we need to hand it over to the defense. I don't know if he's inept or if he's in someone's pocket. And the DA won't assign another lawyer. It's like everywhere we go is a dead end because this guy has money."
"I'm sorry babe."
"I've never heard Mac swear so much."
"His job is wearing on him a lot."
"Yeah," she agreed softly with a nod. "I don't know where to go next. All the evidence is right there. I know he did it, I know he killed his wife. We all know he did it, even his lawyer acts like he knows it too. But he's never going to see the inside of a jail cell, and his wife will never have any justice. He'll probably marry again, live his life as if nothing happened. Her file will go into cold storage and it will sit there for years until it's forgotten."
"Sweetie, it's not the end yet," he said, brushing away the tear that had leaked from her eye. "You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the next day."
"It's not fair. I want to be able to come home and not think about it."
"Hey, let me promise you something."
"What?"
"If I ever kill you, I'll turn myself in."
"Austin would kill you back first."
"I don't doubt it but my intentions after the fact would be honorable."
"You're demented."
He smiled and nudged her gently until she scooted over and curled up in his arms, pulling the blankets close around them even though it was already warm enough in the room.
"Are you going to change?"
"My clothes? Oh."
He chuckled and she made quick work of throwing her blouse and skirt on the floor, then pulling a pillow into a better position.
"Comfy, your highness?"
"For now. Except I'm hungry."
"You ate dinner already!"
"I know but that was hours ago. Let's go have food."
He sighed as she stood up from the bed, seemingly renewed at the thought of sustenance.
"C'mon babe. Aren't you hungry too?"
"For sleep."
She held her hand out to him and he stood up, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her cheek.
"Are the kids completely asleep?" she whispered as they started carefully down the stairs.
"Should be. Why?"
"I don't think I want them seeing us raiding the fridge in our underwear."
"We should be safe. So what are you hungry for?"
"Brownies sound good. Did you make any today perchance?"
"No."
"Dang. Well, I guess we're just going to have to do a little searching. Ooh, cookies."
"You're odd, do you know that?"
"I'm odd but I'm yours."
"Absolutely. Milk with the cookies? In bed? You know it's the best cure for a bad day."
"Okay. Will you read to me too?"
"Are you four?"
"No, but I like when you read to me. It makes me feel safe."
"Alright then, I will get this ready and you go ahead and find a book and I'll meet you upstairs."
She smiled and slid her arms around him, nuzzling into him and sighing deeply.
"I love you."
"I love you too. Everything is gonna be okay."
"Can we just never leave the house ever again?"
"I suppose we can order in for food for a while, but we're going to have to go out to pick up certain necessary items because you're still fertile and I don't want to deliver a surprise baby on the living room rug."
"Okay so hiding from the world isn't going to happen long-term, but possibly a week of the hermit lifestyle?"
"Will you be partially clothed like this the whole time?"
"I could be."
"Then let's schedule it. Now go get that book."
"Okay."
They met back upstairs a few minutes later, sliding under the covers and sharing the plate of cookies he'd brought. Their conversation was light and happy, and when the cookies were gone he pulled her into his arms, kissed her forehead and tucked her hair behind her ear. Her breath hitched in her throat and she held him tighter, trying not to cry but feeling herself without any defenses against it.
"Please don't die," she begged.
"Baby, I'm not going to die."
"Yes, someday. And I can't, I won't know… I can't be without you."
"Sweetheart, that's not going to happen for a long time."
"Please let me go first. I don't want to be left alone again."
"I can't control-"
"Just promise me."
"Okay," he soothed, tipping her chin up and looking her in the eye. "I promise you that I will do everything in my power to stick around for as long as possible and I will try to let you go first. In the meantime, I am going to spend every day loving you, so that when we're apart, you have all that to draw from and you don't feel alone. Okay?"
"I can't stop thinking about it. Ever since this case started that's all I can think about, it's all I dream about. It's like I'm plagued with the thought of you dying."
"Lindsay, I'm here right now. That's all we have for sure. We can't spend our lives planning for and worrying about death. Then when it comes we'll just be looking back on all the time we wasted."
"I'm scared."
"I would be too if I was thinking about it all the time."
"I'm sorry, but once I start thinking about it I can't stop."
"I understand. I know that a lot of it has to do with what happened all those years ago. That's okay."
"I'm sorry Adam. I know I'm not always the easiest person to deal with."
"Easy or not I love you anyway. We all come with quirks and if we didn't we'd just be boring and flat and have no life to us. I wanted a wife, not a paperdoll."
She chuckled and he wrapped around her a little tighter until she seemed to calm down and get control of the fears.
"Babe, we have a lot of years left in us. A lot. I for one am living until I'm 100 so I'm not even half way there yet. Plus if we get Alzheimers, we can re-fall in love every day."
"You're silly."
"Do you feel better?"
"A little. Enough to go to sleep."
"Good. Then I'll stay right here with you all night. And in the morning, we'll both still be breathing."
"I think that's one of the most romantic things you've ever said to me."
"Something to work on then. Go to sleep."
"Goodnight. I love you."
"I love you too."
"… and if I hear one more sound bite about the police not cooperating with the investigation you'll find out along with the rest of the city just how far apart we are on this issue."
Mac hung up the phone and began to pace behind his desk, not noticing anyone had come into the room. He had a headache, he hadn't slept in two days and for all the work and pain, they were still getting nowhere.
"Mac?"
"What Lindsay?"
"I just got back the third confirmation of the DNA from Quantico. They can't definitively say it's Eastmont's DNA because of the degradation. They agree that it could have been there from a time when he did laundry or many other things like that."
"I told you it was a waste of time to send it down there."
"I know but-"
"You did it anyway when I told you not to."
"I was just trying to get more opinions on our side and build a stronger case-"
"There's nothing wrong with our case Lindsay, what's wrong is the justice system in this city!"
"Mac-"
"Next time I tell you not to do something, don't do it!"
"But-"
"I'm running this investigation, not you, so don't second guess me and don't go behind my back!"
"I'm sorry," she said softly, backing out of the room and trying not to take it too personally. She knew he was just letting his frustrations out and she was the one standing there at the time, but seeing him so angry really bothered her. She'd never heard him talk like that to anyone, though she had heard horror stories about what happened when he had to mete out a punishment.
Walking down the hall she stepped into the office she shared with Danny, leaving the light off and sinking down into her desk chair dropping the files into the glossy surface and sighing deeply. This case would stay with all of them long after it had reached its conclusion.
"What are you sittin' in the dark for?" Danny asked, flipping on the lights.
"Turn those back off."
"Hangover?"
"Sure."
He turned the lights back off and she closed her eyes, wishing that she was at home and in bed rather than here.
"Still stuck on the case?"
"More or less," she admitted, handing the file to him. It wasn't very big, just the highlights and he thumbed through it quickly by the light from the hallway.
"No wonder Mac's been fuming so much lately."
"I know."
"Has anyone given Eastmont a lie detector test?"
"No. Mac says it would be a waste of time because they're inadmissible in court. Which is fine, but it might give us a new avenue, you know? What is he lying about, what did we not expect, those kinds of things. Mac is paranoid about every step we take now. I understand that but now I feel like I can't investigate anything. I want to look into those rumors of an affair again. We pretty much ruled it out but I just can't shake the feeling that there's something more. Something buried here in all these papers."
"Linds, I know I'm not normally very cheesy and I don't usually tell you anything nice, but I want you to listen to me right now."
"Okay."
"This case and what's happening right now is not a reflection on you or Mac or anyone else involved. It doesn't mean this lab isn't good enough or that you're not god enough. You need to remember that or you're going to burn out on this case and that's not good. You hear me?"
"I hear you. You're pretty good at this pep talk thing when you set your mind to it."
"I had to practice on Austin last night. She came home madder'n a dog crapping tacks."
"Gross Danny."
"It wasn't pretty."
"Thanks for the talk anyway."
He gave a slight nod that conveyed all he needed to say and she nodded with a smile, letting him know the message was received.
"So anything I can do to help out?"
"No, it's just a waiting game at this point."
"Waiting for?"
"Mac to cool off and come up with what we should do next. In the meantime, I think typing all these endless reports up might be prudent. Want to help me with that, huh?" she asked, smiling.
"I love you like a sister but that's not enough to do paperwork."
"What if I paid you in chocolate?"
"I don't really like chocolate that much actually."
"I can't win, can I?"
"Someday, Montana. Don't worry."
"Why don't you take Ben to his eye appointment? That should cheer you up," Adam suggested turning on the dishwasher and glancing over at Lindsay. Her shoulders slumped a little and she sighed with a nod.
"Hey," he said, tossing a potholder at her. "You said you weren't going to bring this case home."
"I know I did. I'm trying. And it's really not the case, it's Mac."
"Honey, you can't take it so personally."
"I'm not. I know I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But he's not doing so well, Adam. I'm worried that he's going to push himself too far."
"We've always worried about that."
"I know. But today I looked at him and realized how old he's gotten. And it kind of breaks my heart. I don't think he can do this anymore."
"Babe, he knows what he's capable of. Jo's taking care of him and his doctor has advised that he step back. I think we should just let this case ride out and when it's over maybe it's something you could talk to him about."
"Maybe. Ben let's get to gettin' if we're gonna get goin'."
"I was just washin' my glasses," he said, jumping down the stairs. "I don't want the eyeball doc to think I don't take care of my things."
"Did you get the jelly from yesterday off of them?"
"Yep! It taked some scrubbin' but they are clean as a whistle now. I can even see through all of them, not just a little part in the middle! It's quite a sight to behold. C'mon whoever is takin' me, I can't drive there by myself!"
"I'm taking you but I need to find some shoes."
"I can find 'em. You'd like sandals right? I'll be back in a flash."
He ran off to find the sandals and Lindsay laughed, grabbing her sunglasses and keys off the counter. Adam was right, Ben was cheering her up, just with his happiness about life in general.
"I fetched them mama! Just in time to protect your pretty little feet. Here, put your toes in and I will do the buckles for you."
She obeyed trying not to laugh at his assistance.
"Daddy never puts my shoes on me anymore. You're a real gentleman, Ben Ry."
"That's because you're my special sweetheart mama."
She smiled and lifted him into her arms, hugging him as close as she could.
"I love you little man."
"I love you to mama! C'mon and shake a leg."
"Like this?" she asked, wiggling her leg back and forth while he sighed.
"Mama, you're bizarre."
"That's pretty ironic comin' from you dude. Let's get scootin'."
"How many ways can you say "let's go?"" Adam asked with a grin.
"About twelve more. We'll see you later."
"Bye Cole!" Ben hollered up the stairs. "Bye sissy! I will bring you back some stories from the doctors!"
"Bye Ben! I love you so most!"
He took Lindsay's hand and they left the house, Ben skipping across the porch and down the steps to the car.
"Boy, it's hotter than a oyster in here."
"What does that mean buddy?"
"I dunno, just that it's real hot! I like the summer but I don't like gettin' burned on the seatbelt."
"Me neither."
He sighed and sat back in his seat, waiting for the air conditioner to kick on as they made their way out of the neighborhood.
"Mama, I am glad you're taking me today. I haven't seen you much in the meantime."
"I know. I'm sorry buddy. Work has just been really busy."
"That's okay because you're doin' somethin' what you love. I just wish you could be in two places at once."
"Me too. I miss you kids a lot when I'm at work and a lot of times I just want to come home and see you."
"We'd like you to do that sometimes if you could. I am glad you're home today. And I like that you're takin' me to the eye doctor. Means we can spend some special time together."
"That's true."
"Know what mama? If you was a booger, I'd pick you first!"
He cackled with delight and she chuckled glancing at him in the mirror.
"Where'd you hear that?"
"A Valen-times card from school many, many days ago! I been rememberin' it to say at just the right time."
"Benjamin, I love you so very, very much."
"I know that," he sighed, leaning forward in his seat. "Put your hand back here so I could hold it."
She smiled and obeyed knowing that the days of him wanting to hold her hand were coming to an end.
"Hey mama?"
"Yeah buddy?"
"I just gotta say that I love you. I like that forever I will be your son and you will be my mama and we will always be a part of each other. Cole 'splained it to me last night when we was talkin' before sleep. He said that when you are in a family you can't get out of it. And I am glad for that because I don't ever wanna live on a earth where you are not my mama."
She blinked back tears and looked at him in the mirror, finding his eyes full of deep thought.
"Ben, would it be okay if when we get out of the car I just hugged you for a really long time?"
"Of course, if we could find some cool air or shade first. I just don't wanna get too sweaty."
"I understand."
"Are you all cheered up now? I sure hope so. I don't like to see you down in the dumps. It makes my heart hurt a little."
"I feel much better honey."
"Now all we gotta work on is your worryin'. You should try your best to stop that because worryin' don't change nothin'. Worryin' just makes your tummy upset but it don't change other things. That's what Isa telled me once. So the thing what you are worryin' about maybe just stop for now and be happy that life is good."
"I am happy, Ben. I'm very happy."
"I am such a great problem solver," he chuckled, looking out the window.
"Yes you are sweetie."
"When you go back to work, will you tell Mac that, so he can come to me with his problems? I will help him and then no one will be worried! I will save the day."
"It might not be that easy, Ben."
"That's okay. I am not scared of hard work."
She smiled and glanced at him in the mirror again, squeezing his little hand and deciding that for right now, he could live in a world where everything always turned out okay and nothing was ever as bad as it seemed.