Darkness. I ran through the darkness, blinded by the thick black. I couldn't see a thing. It was freezing cold, and my teeth chattered loudly. Sounds were all around me, some I recognized, some I didn't. My father's laughter, that evil cackle he did before smacking us around. The gurgles and growls of walkers, right next to my ear. I ran faster.
Where was I? I wasn't sure I even wanted to know. My eyes couldn't adjust, it was just pitch black. I ran blindly, trying to find a light. Trying to escape the frightening noises that followed so closely behind me. Every little noise sounded like it was right next to my ear. Maybe there was no escape. How do you escape your own mind?
My mother's voice called out, "You'll never get away, Spencer!" I'll never get away... I'll never get away... What the hell... That a light? I made a mad dash through the darkness toward the small speck of light. The light grew, the closer I got. I slowed down to a jog when I made out a figure. It turned around... Daryl!
I ran the few steps left and jumped into his arms. Warmth, it was like covering me with a heated blanket. My arms locked around his neck. His cheek was warm against mine, his stubble prickly. He felt so real, so alive. Was I dreaming? Was this all real? Where were the others? I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of him.
Suddenly he was trying to free himself from my grip. I realized he hadn't even hugged me back or made any gesture of affection. Trying to tighten my grip, I wanted to hold on and never let go. But he was stronger and jerked free of my arms, pushing me back. I looked at him in shock at his actions.
"Better off without me! Stay away, Spencer!" He growled, his eyes were hard, his voice cold.
"Daryl, stop! This ain't right, you just-" I tried, but he cut me off.
"I DON'T WANT YOU! GET AWAY! BETTER OFF THAT WAY!" He yelled. I was being pulled backward. Looking around, I saw nothing, but something was pulling me backward. Daryl just turned his back and walked away. I began screaming.
"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME! DARYL, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" I yelled to him. He got smaller and smaller, until he was only a figure in the distance.
The figure stopped and started walking toward me. He's comin' back for me! But... It wasn't Daryl. It was small, long blonde hair... I noticed that I was standing still, nothing holding me back. Walking forward slowly, I got closer to the little figure. A little girl. She lifted her head, and everything inside me froze. Cheyenne.
"Chy? CHY!" I ran forward and grabbed my little one. She grabbed me back and I could hear her crying.
"Spencer, you and Daryl let me die!" She cried. My heart shattered.
"No baby... I tried... You ran off... I tried!" I cried, holding her close.
"He don't want you, he never wanted you. He wants to kill you. Watch you die... I WANT TO KILL YOU!" Cheyenne's voice changed with that last sentence, sounding like some monster growling out the words.
I stumbled backward, looking at the Cheyenne. Her face was contorted into a snarl, her eyes cloudy. The same look I saw in Sophia's eyes when she exited the barn. Cheyenne staggered toward me, her little body being urged on by the need to feed. Her bones jutted out underneath her grayish skin. The left side of her cheek was missing. A single bullet hole was showing on her forehead, blood trickling down her face.
"We shot you... How's this happenin'?" I mumbled, trying to scoot away from her.
"BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET YOU!" My father's voice came from her lips as she pounced. Throwing my arms up in defense, I screamed.
"GET OFF! GET OFF ME!"
I screamed as my eyes popped open and I jumped up. Everything was hazy, but there were people in my room. I'm gonna die.
"Spencer! Calm down!" Glenn was at my side, Maggie at the end of my bed. They were blurry, and I just knew what was coming. They were going to turn and jump on me. Curling into the corner of the wall, trying to melt into my bed, I pulled the covers up over my head.
"GET AWAY!" I screamed. My head was pounding and I felt hot. Oh, God, I'm probably dyin'.
"Spencer?" A voice... That Rick? I was afraid to look. I didn't want to look over the covers. They'd be waiting for me, and when I took the covers off, they'd attack. They attack when they get close.
"GO AWAY! YOU AIN'T REAL! NONE OF IT'S REAL!" I screamed. I put my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut.
"You need to take some medicine!" I heard Maggie's muffled voice.
"She's delusional. We need Daryl." Glenn mumbled.
"Daryl's bein' a jerk right now, we'll have to do!" Maggie snapped. Agitation in her voice.
"You know how he gets when he's hurtin'." Rick said. "I'll try to get him to help us out. I know he cares."
"I understand he's hurtin', we all are!" Maggie again. "But look at her, Rick! She needs him, now! She is sick, delusional. She thinks we're gonna hurt her.."
"I know, I'm goin' to get him." Rick said, and I heard his footsteps leaving the room.
"Spencer, please." Glenn pleaded with me. I just rocked back and forth under the covers, trying to ignore the voices. Trying to escape, my mind went to the past. Memories flooded my head.
I sat up. "Where you goin'?"
"Calm down, girl. Just gonna check 'round. Make sure everything's quiet." Daryl growled, and I nodded my head sleepily.
"Do you think Rick and Glenn are okay?" Daryl shrugged, still staring at me.
"If they ain't back by tomorrow, I'll go lookin' for 'em." Daryl said.
"I wanna go." I said, feeling sleepy again. I yawned.
"Sleep." Daryl mumbled, and I nodded, rolling over away from him.
"Daryl?" I whispered.
"Hm?" He grunted.
"Will you hold me?" I asked quietly, expecting him to either leave the tent or say no. Daryl didn't answer me, but I felt him move toward me. His arm came around my side, his hand against my stomach. Pulling me closer to him, I felt his breath tickle across the back of my neck. I shivered slightly, causing him to tighten his grip.
"Spencer?" Voices... Stop the voices.
"Daryl, wait!" I called, and he turned around. I reached one arm behind my back, grabbing my other arm in the crook of my elbow. "I need a favor."
"What you want, girl?" He asked, looking back toward camp.
"Can we go into town?" I asked quietly. "I need to get some stuff."
"Can't ya ask Glenn?" Daryl looked at me.
"Don't he go enough?" I asked. "Oh, come on. It'll be fun."
"Fun?" Daryl sounded skeptical.
"Fine, maybe not fun. Just.. Please?" I poked out my lip slightly. Daryl stared at me for a moment before sighing.
"All right, fine. Takin' the motorcycle. Here." Daryl took off his vest jacket and handed it to me. "Ain't you got somethin' warmer to wear?"
"That's why we're goin' into town." I smiled as he rolled his eyes.
"World's gone to shit an' I'm takin' you window shoppin'." Daryl huffed.
"Spencer!" A familiar voice broke through my thoughts. "Snap your ass outta it!" The covers were snatched off of me. Daryl stood in front of me, his eyes searching mine. He sat down on the bed, and I pressed myself further into the wall.
"Get away. Please." I begged in a whisper.
"The hell's wrong with you?" Daryl growled. "Take these." He held out his hand. More pills.
"I-I dunno what's real... Dreams, memories... I'm losin' my mind. You're probably not real." I said quietly, wrapping my arms around my knees.
"I'm real." His voice was suddenly softer, and I looked into his eyes. I saw hurt and anger... And something new. Something odd. Something that looked like fear.
"If you say so." I mumbled, taking the pills from him. His hand was warm. Just like I remembered. "You're just like in my memories."
"What?" Daryl looked at me with confusion.
"I... I think about us when I panic or when my dreams get too much to handle. I wake up confused, I don't know what's real. But you're real to me, even if only in my mind... Am I awake?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Yea." He leaned over and felt my head. "Lay down." Daryl instructed.
"I don't wanna sleep anymore! It's scary!" I protested.
"Lay down." Daryl growled. "You ain't gonna get better unless you listen!"
"I... Daryl?" I whispered, shivering.
"Just sleep." Daryl ordered.
"No." I growled, my teeth chattering.
"Fine, you wanna die? Go 'head." Daryl snapped, getting up and walking away from my bed. He left my room, slamming the door behind him. I didn't even have time to protest. I felt tears in my eyes, but I blinked them back. No more cryin'.
"Spencer?" Maggie's voice. I looked over at the door.
"Hey." I croaked.
"Ah, Daryl brought you back." Maggie grinned. She had a bowl in her hands. Walking over to my bedside, she handed me the bowl and gave me a sad smile. "He's pissed at you."
"I know, but I can't sleep!" I mumbled.
"I think everyone heard him... Carol's givin' him hell." Maggie laughed lightly.
"Why?" I asked, shoving a spoonful of soup in my mouth.
"For bein' an ass." She replied.
"Hey Maggie? Do me a favor?" I asked, before she walked toward the door.
"Yeah, sure?" Maggie looked at me for instruction.
"Can you get Rick?" I ate another bite of soup.
"I'll get him now." She said, walking toward the door.
"Thanks. And for the soup." I offered the best smile I could muster up. She laughed and flashed me a thumbs up.
"Just get better." She said quietly, before walking through the door. Within a few minutes, there was a small knock on the door. I looked up to see Rick step inside the room.
"You wanted to see me?" Rick asked, walking over to a chair near my bed and taking a seat.
"I wanna say thanks. Thanks for goin' out and gettin' supplies to help me." I gave him a little smile. "I think I'm dyin'."
"You ain't gonna die." Rick shook his head, leaning forward in his chair. "You're so strong, Spencer. You will is strong. You're gonna be just fine. I know it. The group knows it... Daryl knows it. He...he's hurtin' and he doesn't want anyone to know. Or-or make it better. Daryl thinks he has to make everything okay for himself. He doesn't realize he needs you more than he knows... He's upset about Cheyenne and he doesn't know how to handle you bein' sick."
"I have nightmares. When... When I wake up, everyone I see... I dunno what's real and what's my imagination. I dunno if it's the fever or the meds... All I know, is when I think about Daryl... I'm okay." I explained.
"He's kickin' himself pretty hard right now. You do know he didn't mean what he said, right? He may not be ready to face that anytime soon, but he didn't mean it." Rick grabbed my hand. "He loves you. I don't know if he's told you that. I can see it. We all can see it. When you were layin' out there in the rain, he went crazy. He was in a panic. He did all that he could, every little thing Hershel advised to do, he did it. He loves you Spencer. I-I don't know if he'll ever tell you. But he does."
"Thank you." I whispered, trying to keep from crying. "Thank you, Rick. You're the best."
I felt like shit. My head was pounding. I was coughing every five minutes or so it felt that way. My nose was stuffy, my eyes kept watering. Hershel was constantly worrying over my fever. It would go down a few notches, then shoot back up. The highest it had been was a hundred and two point nine. Maggie and Carol were checking up on me every half hour.
I wasn't allowed random visits. I had to be wide awake, because if not, I'd go crazy. My dreams were constant and most of the time I thought they were real. I'd beg everyone to stay away from me, and when they came too close, I'd just beg for Daryl. But he never came. I never saw him. I wished everyday that he'd just come into my room and say something, anything.
The thing that I found strange, was that ever since the talk with Rick, I had been sleeping through the night. I had awful nightmares during the day, and often awoke in a panic. But at night, I slept almost peacefully. No nightmares, no dreams at all actually. Just deep, dark sleep. I found that peaceful, I'd had rather had no dreams than bad ones.
Still, I wondered why the sleep came so easily at night. While I had no complaints, I just wondered why. Maybe I was getting better. I still didn't feel good at all, so I wasn't sure. Honestly, I didn't too much care what happened to me. Nothing really mattered anymore. The world had dealt me a hand that I hadn't been prepared to deal with. And I wasn't dealing too well.
I lost Shay and Andrea. Cheyenne was now gone. Daryl was pretty much gone. He had only come to me to try to calm me down, not because he wanted to. I hadn't seen him since the day he snapped at me and left my room. Even if I did get better, what would become of us? Would he just ignore me forever? Would he leave the group? I tried to ignore all the awful questions that popped into my head when I thought of him.
That night, I closed my eyes, feeling drowsy. Drifting off to sleep, I suddenly felt safe. It was like a presence around me. Almost like a sense of security, like I knew I was safe. It felt like... Daryl. That was the feeling I had felt every night as I fell asleep. It felt like he was right beside me. My mind must have created that thought of him being beside me to help me get rest. But still, it felt nice to feel him near me. Even if only in my sleep. Only in my mind.
Poor Spencer ! She just ain't doing so hot ! She is losing her mind and Daryl's just off being a meanie weenie head... But things will get better eventually... I hope !
Don't forget to ask your questions ! You can ask in a review or private message (PM) me and ask anything about my story, past stories, future stories ! I will be happy to answer and do a Q/A on an author note ! So ask away !
I would like to give a HUGE shout out (I'll be doing individual ones again soon !) to all my READERS, REVIEWERS, FOLLOWERS, FAVORITERS ! You guys keep me inspired ! I love to see the reactions I cause when I write. It makes me feel like I am doing something right, and that keeps me inspired to write more. This story has been challenging to keep interesting (since I don't have the 3rd season yet), so I hope I have done a good job. I am so excited to write the chapters with the Governor. He is so evil and I can't wait to do the Daryl/Merle/Spencer stuff either. Because if you recall, Merle and Spencer didn't exactly get along very well. After all, Spencer did kick him... Haha.. So I'm really happy that my wonderful supporters like the story so far. It only will get better/crazier/sadder/worse/steamier from here ! We'll just have to see what happens !
Don't forget to ask any questions you have !
Thanks again for being amazing !
~Kaila