Avery took the steps one at a time, carefully gripping the bannister with one hand while the other carried a lukewarm cup of coffee. It was slow going but she was determined not to spill any, because she knew how important every bit of coffee was to her mama. She finally made it to the second floor and walked into her bedroom, setting the coffee down on the bookcase before walking into her closet and finding her tiara. She put it on her head and grinned at herself in the mirror, then grabbed the coffee and set out to conquer the next set of stairs. She walked a little faster this time, confident in her abilities, and despite near slosh coming out of the cup, she made it successfully.

"Mornin' mama," she whispered, tiptoeing across the room. "I gots coffee."

Lindsay smiled and opened her eyes, giggling at Avery's hair that was sticking up in every direction.

"Morning baby. What are you up to?"

"I gots coffee," she repeated, handing Lindsay the mug. "You have coffee an' we snuggle! Mama have a day with Avery!"

"That's right," Lindsay chuckled, taking a drink of the tepid caffeine. "Did daddy make this coffee?"

"Yep! I help. I pick a cup," she reported, climbing up on the bed.

"What are daddy and the boys doing downstairs?"

"Daddy cleanin' up breakfast. Boys is gettin' ready, go to school. Daddy say I not go preschool or tumblin' today huh?"

"Nope, not today."

"Well," she sighed, taking a sip of the coffee too. "What we do today?"

"I need to go grocery shopping for sure."

"Yes, we need cheese."

"And I have a few other things on my list to do also. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah! I like bein' with you."

"I like being with you too. You are my favorite daughter after all."

Avery giggled and adjusted the tiara on her head, then sighed and looked down at her chipped nail polish.

"Uh-oh mama, we need fix it."

"We can do that before we go to the store. Should we do your toes too?"

"Oh yes mama."

"Don't let me forget."

"Okay."

"I should get up and take a shower huh?"

"Yep. You need be pretty. I take a bath?"

"No, you just had one last night. We'll just get out some spray for your hair so it looks a little better. Right now I should get up and see the boys for a bit before they go to school."

"I come too," Avery offered, rolling off the bed and onto her feet. "I hug them. Miss them when they are gone."

"Me too."

They made their way downstairs where the boys were getting their shoes on and double checking their backpacks.

"Hey mama guess what? Today is the day when all us kids get recess together!" Ben announced, pushing his glasses up. "It's fun. I like the first grade because we're big kids now."

"That's good honey," Lindsay chuckled, leaning down to hug him. "Did you do your homework?"

"Yep I did! Cole checked it over for me too. Said I got it all right."

"That's my boy."

She sat down on the couch and made sure the checks she'd written the night before for a month of after school art classes for both of them were made out the right way, then tucked them into each bag. Colton sat down next to her, resting his head on her shoulder until she put her arms around him.

"What's up buddy?"

"Nothin'. Daddy just said you're tired and worn out from work and you're sad that Mac doesn't work with you anymore and you're sad Freddie is moving away too. He said you're just bummed out with life right now."

"Yeah, I am a little."

"Well I just want to let you know that I love you. And no matter what, I am still your kid and that should make you happy."

"That does make me happy honey. Very happy."

"Good. I'm sorry that I was grumbly about picking up my room last night."

"You're forgiven. Next time we'll both do better."

"Okay. I love you mama."

"I love you too."

He kissed her cheek and got up from the couch, grabbing his jacket and putting it on. It struck her in that moment not how old he was, but what a little man he'd turned into. She must have blinked just a little too long. She'd have to remember to exist more fully in the little moments from now on.

"I like that mama," Avery said, pointing at the gourds that were on display at the front of the grocery store. "So tasty."

"Honey, you don't like those, you just want me to buy you a snack."

"Oh, I could have a snack?"

"No," Lindsay chuckled, lifting Avery into the cart. "At least not right now but if you're a good girl, you can pick out a fruit leather when we're done."

"Oh yay! I be so good mama. I be so good I have two!"

"Well we'll see about that. Can you do me a favor and keep track of the list while I shop?"

"Yep. What first? We get milk an' beef an' eggs?"

"Yes, we need all three of those."

"An' cheese. Not to forget the cheese mama, or Avery will cry."

"I won't forget the cheese. If you would like, you can pick out the cheese."

"Holy cow!" Avery squealed excitedly, throwing one hand over her mouth. "That a big job. I do good."

Lindsay snickered and started down the first aisle, grabbing several things she needed to restock the nearly bare cupboard. They'd had to send the boys to school with money to buy lunch in the cafeteria because they hadn't even had enough food in the house to make two lunches. It was her fault, even when Adam asked her to simply make a list so he could go shopping and help her out, she couldn't muster up the energy.

"Ooh, mama lookit this funny thing!" Avery giggled, pointing at a turkey baster. "It for cleanin' my ears?"

"It's for cooking turkeys."

"Oh. We need it?"

"Nope, I already have one."

"I wanted play with it."

"Avery, you are so funny."

"I not try. I just be."

"Well I hope you always are. Should we get orange juice with pulp or without?"

"What pulp?"

"It's the little bits."

"No thanks, I not like them."

"That's my girl. No pulp it is."

"I so enjoy this," Avery sighed with a grin. "Jus' Avery an mama, bein' together."

"I love it too. You know when I have to work, I always just wish I could be with you."

"With me? You do?" Avery asked, tipping her head to the side and wrinkling her nose.

"Yep, with you and the boys."

"You like us?"

"Of course I like you, Avery. You're my favorite people in the whole world."

"We is? Most than daddy?"

"Well maybe not more than daddy. I think I can group you all together."

Avery chuckled and leaned back in the cart, looking up at the lights while humming to herself. She liked getting lost in her own daydreams sometimes, imagining what it would be like to be a grown up girl, maybe with her own little girl someday.

"Mama!" she shrieked as they passed through frozen foods on their way to the meat section. "Mama, that say Ben!"

"What?"

"That ice-cream say Ben!"

Lindsay glanced over at the section of Ben and Jerry's ice-cream where Avery was pointing, and laughed in disbelief.

"Avery, you recognized Ben's name all the way over-"

"Ben make ice-cream! Been keepin' secret."

"No sweetie, he doesn't make the ice-cream."

"Yes, him do. Today, he make for Avery. I say to him later."

"Honey, he doesn't make the ice-cream, but the person who does has the same name as him."

"No, Ben keepin' secret from you too."

"Alright. I'm very proud of you for seeing his name all the way over there."

"I know him name. He write on all things."

"Yeah, he has taken to labeling everything he can find, hasn't he?"

"Yep," Avery agreed, holding up her hand, which Ben had marked three days ago with a permanent pen. She'd let him of course, thinking it was going to be a beautiful drawing. He'd promised that once he was "un-grounded" from the permanent pens, he would write her own name on her hand with a heart and a flower.

They walked leisurely through the rest of the store, picking up everything on their list until they came to the produce aisles, which were so crowded, Lindsay couldn't push the cart through the throngs of people. She tried a few times then gave up, tucking the cart off to the side where she could still see Avery or hear her if she called.

"Don't get out of the cart, I'll be right back."

"Okay mama. I do for fruit leather."

Lindsay snickered and wound her way through the bins and aisles, gathering enough fruit and vegetables to feed a normal family of five for three weeks, or their family for maybe two. She didn't mind that the kids were just as apt to want good food as much as junk, and it was easier to keep this in the house than the other. Laden down with several heavy bags, she went back to the cart and found Avery just where she'd left her, but missing her shirt.

"Averylin Grace!"

"Hi mama!"

"Where's your shirt?"

"Oh. Over there. On the spuds," she said, pointing to the potatoes.

"Why is your shirt over here and not on you?"

"I dunno. Maybe they was cold? I toss it."

"Honey, we've talked about this," Lindsay grumbled, grabbing the shirt off the potatoes. "You can't keep taking your clothes off just because you feel like it."

Avery frowned as the shirt was pulled over her head, keeping her arms across her chest and letting her lower lip hang out.

"Avery, arms through please."

"No thanks. I not want that now."

"Honey…" she trailed off, not wanting to put a damper on their day. "Okay, we'll compromise and you can wear it around your neck."

"Okay. We're done now? Gettin' hungry."

"Sure. What kind of thing would you like for lunch? I would personally love to have something other than grilled cheese or mac and cheese or chips and cheese."

"Hmm. Uh, chicken nuggets?"

"I can do that."

"I have cheese on mine."

"Oh Averylin," Lindsay chuckled, steering the cart towards the checkout lane. "Queen of Cheese."

"Yep! Oh, I will wear mine crown," she giggled. "Queen of Cheese. Make me a dressy to wear too?"

"Should we find some fabric with cheese on it?"

"No, piggies."

"Alright then. I'll have to see if Austin will help, I'm really bad at sewing."

"Okay mama. Wow, we buy so most food," she commented, watching as Lindsay loaded it onto the counter.

"Well that's because I've got three hungry stinkers to feed plus daddy."

Avery giggled and turned back around grinning at the elderly man that had stepped into line behind them.

"Hi man!" she greeted, giving him a little wave.

"Hi there sweetie."

"Like my scarf?" she asked, grabbing the sleeves of her half-donned shirt and waving them around.

"That's very interesting."

"Yep. It's purple. I not want a shirt. I make scarf."

"Well that's very smart of you."

"I know. Me an' mama have a day together! No brothers an' no daddy. Jus' girls."

"That sounds like fun. Are you being a good girl?"

"Yep! I get fruit leather! My most favorite!"

She laughed as the cart moved, headed for the door, and waved at the old man.

"Bye man! Have great day!"

"I spin an' spin an' spin an' spin an'- mama you not spin?"

"I don't want to get dizzy, baby. I thought you wanted to snuggle."

"Oh yeah!" Avery laughed, slowing down and tripping over her feet as she walked to the couch. "I want hold your hand."

"Alright."

They settled into the couch and opened the book Avery had chosen, taking a moment to look at the illustration on the first page.

"Okay, read it now mama. I want a story."

Lindsay smiled and began the story, keeping her voice low and steady, hoping that Avery would fall into a short afternoon nap. She'd been tired for the last hour as evidenced by her rambunctious behavior, and it would be good for her to start fitting in a nap here and there. Without it she was cranky and almost combative when bedtime rolled around, quite obviously overtired.

Sure enough in a few minutes she was sleeping lightly, having crawled into Lindsay's lap and buried herself there, rubbing her eyes and yawning in her sleep. She looked like a baby again, her cheeks full and rosy while her lips parted gently and her nose twitched with dreams. Every day it seemed like she grew and matured much more than she should, that the baby days were left so far behind that the memory of them was already starting to dim. But occasionally there were moments like this when it all slowed, it all calmed, and she was able to be sucked back to that hospital room, staring at her newborn, perfectly pink daughter, overwhelmed with emotions that she couldn't even begin to label.

There was a gentle knock on the door and Austin came in, carrying a bag of clothes that Isa and Sarah had outgrown but not destroyed and wanted Avery to have. She tiptoed across the room and sat down gently, reaching over to stroke Avery's arm.

"Little baby. How come mine won't do this anymore?"

"Because life is cruel."

"She looks so peaceful and gentle doesn't she?"

"Quite a change from the normal adjectives used to describe her."

Austin grinned and leaned down to kiss Avery's forehead, breathing in the scent of a happily sleeping child.

"I think my ovaries just quivered. I want another baby."

"Austin."

"And in a little while when the rest of the kids come home from school I won't anymore, but at least I know that."

"I should go put her in her bed but I have a feeling she's not going to sleep too much longer anyway."

"I can't believe how fast all the kids are growing," Austin sighed, leaning back against the couch. "And I know I say that a lot, but I really just can't believe it."

"Colton is going to be ten. I feel really ancient."

"You are really ancient."

"I'm not that much older than you! And in the grand scheme of our lives it's barely even fractional."

"Well anyways. I brought over all the girls old clothes but I'm not sure what will fit Avery anymore so we can go through them and I'll donate the stuff that's too small."

She opened the bag and they started to quietly sort clothes while Avery slept peacefully, snoring a little here and there, almost a tribute to the fact that she was Adam's child too, no matter how much she looked like her mama. After a while she whined and squirmed, stretching a little as she opened her eyes and smiled.

"Hi mama. Hi Austin."

"Hey little girl. Did you have a good nap?"

"Oh, I not sleepin' Austin. I rest mine eyes."

"Oh, okay."

"We go outside an' play?" she asked hopefully, squeezing her hands together.

"Sure, until we have to get the kids from school."

"I play in front," Avery decided, wiggling off the couch. "Wanna see the flowers."

They followed her outside and watched as she wiggled between the bushes and the house, her favorite spot for finding bugs and worms. She could play down there for hours if they let her, coming out with leaves and twigs stuck in her hair, dirt all over her face and grass stains on her knees. She'd once spent fifteen minutes trying to pull a spider web off of two branches without breaking it, but in the end she hadn't been successful.

Lindsay and Austin sat down on the porch swing, smiling at the laughter they could hear coming from Avery.

"Any ideas on how Mac is doing with retirement?" Lindsay asked, knowing Austin would have been checking up on Mac quite often.

"He seems happy. He's been spending a lot of time at the VA center and he's thinking about volunteering to help with some after school programs somewhere. I think he thinks he made the right choice."

"I'm glad. Jo says he's less busy than before and he sleeps better. I just worry that he's going to miss it at some point."

"Well that doesn't seem to be the case so far."

"Good."

"Now tell me the truth. Is Danny a good boss or what?"

Lindsay chuckled and shook her head.

"He's okay. I think he feels like he can't take much of a leadership position because most of us are kind of on the same level, but he doesn't mind ordering me around. I assume that's because he can't order you around at home."

"Probably. I apologize."

"It's no big deal. I know he thinks he's being funny. Plus, the other day I acted like he really upset me and he spent the rest of the day apologizing whenever he saw me."

Austin laughed.

"Well I am glad to know you're keeping his ego in check."

"I must do it, for the sanity of all."

"Speaking of sanity, did you notice your child?"

Lindsay glanced over into the yard and groaned. Avery was covered from head to toe with mud.

"Averylin!"

"Hi mama!" she greeted, waving enthusiastically and spraying mud everywhere.

"Honey, where did you get all that mud?"

"Maked it! My bucket full of rain!"

"But now you have to have a bath."

"Okay."

"I'll go pick up the kids while you give her a bath," Austin said, standing up from the swing and walking down the steps, being careful to avoid Avery.

"Thanks. We'll be here. Come on honey, let's clean you up."

"Sounds like Avery had a good day," Adam said, closing the bedroom door and tossing his shirt to the floor. "She just spent fifteen minutes telling me how much she loves you and how fun it was to pick the cheese at the store."

"She's easily pleased," Lindsay chuckled, looking up from her book. "When we were eating lunch all she could talk about was you. Daddy is most fun, daddy is most great, daddy is most smart. And then I asked her who she liked better, you or me and she took a huge bite and avoided the question."

Adam chuckled and dropped his jeans on the floor next to the shirt, earning a look of disapproval. He sighed and picked the clothes up, putting them in the hamper before climbing into bed.

"So you were in the middle of telling me about her ice-cream discovery."

"Oh yeah. When Ben came home she went into his room and grabbed his arm and said "You been keepin' secrets!" Of course he panics and keeps denying it. She pulls him downstairs, points at the freezer and says "Now you make me ice-cream. No lies Ben!" He's totally confused and she keeps demanding it until he starts crying. At that point Colton walked in and asked them what was going on. Avery explained it to him and he starts laughing and says "Aves, don't you know? Jerry makes the ice-cream, Ben just does marketing!" Then Avery dropped Ben's arm sighed and said something about being very disappointed."

"And I am betting Ben spent the rest of the day apologizing to her."

"He did. I tried to explain to her that there was another person with Ben's name and she just wouldn't have it."

"For a fleeting moment she thought she would have unlimited ice-cream forever. That's a hard thing to let go of."

"I suppose so."

"Hmm, you have thinking voice."

"Thinking voice?"

He nodded with a smile.

"The voice you get when you're half thinking about something else but you're trying to keep up with the conversation at the same time."

"I'm sorry."

"What's rattling around in there?"

She put her book aside and moved down in the bed a little, taking his hand in hers and looking it over before she spoke.

"We need to make some decisions."

"About what?"

"I've been looking into adoptions and I know we said we're waiting until next year, but I think we need to decide what we're wanting. There are so many different ways we can go with it and I want us to have a clear plan before we start."

"Things aren't always going to go how we plan."

"No, I know that. I'm saying that while we need to be flexible with how it happens, we need to be clear in what we want. We've never really talked about that. Are we looking for a newborn or an older child? Open or closed adoption? Out of foster care or not? What about international adoption, how do we feel about that? Are we willing to spend more money to go overseas? Do we want a boy or a girl or do we even care either way? What if it is an older child, like a teenager? How do we handle that? And what if it's not, what if it is a newborn, are we ready to do that again? How are we going to prepare the kids? What about behavioral problems or difficult family histories? Health issues? What are we able to deal with and what would be too much?"

He was quiet for a while, mulling her wonderings over in his own head, trying to come up with one thing that would answer them all.

"Honey, some of these things we won't be able to answer until we get into the middle of it. I know that frustrates you."

"It does."

"And none of these things are things that I know the answer to either. I feel bad about it but I haven't been giving it as much thought as I should have been."

"That's okay."

"You're scared."

"A lot. But that doesn't mean I'm changing my mind."

"I promise to think about it more. In the meantime let's go ahead and start talking to other adoptive families, talking to agencies, stuff like that. Get ourselves speaking the language."

"Okay."

"It's going to happen how it's supposed to happen."

"I know that. I just like plans."

"I know you do. If you didn't we'd be a right mess I suppose."

She smiled and snuggled closer to him, closing her eyes with a long sigh.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The door burst open at that moment and there stood Avery with a huge grin on her face, nightgown tucked into her underwear and sunglasses perched upon her head.

"Well hello," she greeted, closing the door behind her and approaching the bed. "I am here."

"What are you here for?" Adam asked, holding back a laugh at her appearance.

"Avery an' mama's day not done!" she explained, climbing up onto the bed and wedging herself in between them. "Scoot, daddy. This my place."

"Well your majesty, I thought it was time for you to go to bed."

"I am! With mama. We snuggle so most. Scoot!"

"Maybe if you ask nicely I'll let you lay with us for a bit."

"No, not bit. All sleeping time."

"But then when is it my turn to snuggle with mama?"

Avery sighed and crossed her arms, still trying to get between them. Finally Adam moved slightly and she slithered into the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"There, that more like it. Lookit my nails, daddy! Mama fix 'em. They's blue."

"Do you like blue?"

"Nope, I like purple. An' pink."

"Well I like orange and green."

"I paint yous nails in mornin'."

"Alright then. It's time to go to sleep."

"Mama?"

"Daddy's right, time for bed. You can stay in here with us as long as you close your eyes and go straight to sleep."

"Oh phooey."

"Let's put your sunglasses away too."

Avery sighed and handed the sunglasses over then turned over and over until she found a comfortable position. Stretching a little, she grabbed onto Lindsay's shirt and popped her free thumb into her mouth, closing her eyes.

"Since when did you start sucking your thumb?" Adam asked.

"Feels cozy," she explained. "I go sleep now."

She closed her eyes again and was snoring a few minutes later, while Adam and Lindsay watched her with amused expressions on their faces.

"If our pattern holds, a fourth child would be the strangest child to ever walk the earth."

"Yes but the fourth child won't have our genes."

"Very true. I can't wait to find out how it goes."

"Me neither."

"Goodnight Linds."

"Night."