Okay, I've said this before but this time I might actually be able to update sooner because of the summer holidays coming up in four days. Six whole weeks of pure holidays! :D

Remember that I don't have a plot right now so PLEASE SEND IN SUGGESTIONS FOR THE STORY!

The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot: Bad Satyr Puns

Calypso blankly stared at the holographic screen. She couldn't believe it. Ignus had been in contact with Leo?! That incompetent little jerky, bastardy man! How dare he?!

"Leo, don't you dare listen to that guy! He's a dirty, dirty liar, and a cheat! And a thief! I don't know why he's a thief but it seemed appropriate for the situation. If you listen to a single thing he says and take it to heart, I swear on the River Styx that I will beat you up! Ignus for god's sake isn't my boyfriend and he more like a guy I had a crush on for two weeks! Do you go around saying Percy's my boyfriend?! NO. Therefore, Ignatius "Ignus" Vipera is not, I repeat NOT, my boyfriend. I don't love him, he doesn't love me! He might, but it's a really creepy kind of love, okay?!" she fumed angrily, slamming her fist onto the button.

Then in all of her rage, she had forgotten about the exciting news she was preparing to tell.
"Ooh… Wait… Important news!" Calypso managed to tell the contraption before it folded up and flew away.

'Dang it!' she thought. 'I couldn't tell him my important news…'

That stupid Ignus! Ignatius "Ignus" Vipera. More like Ignatius the Pugnacious! He was dirtier than the scum hidden in the corners of Camp Half Blood's catering pavilion. Which thankfully reminded her to go eat lunch, especially after missing breakfast.

"Man, I'm telling you," a satyr rambled, "She was like nuh-uh, and I was like uh-huh, and she was like nuh-uh, so I just like, ate ALL her tin cans."

Calypso had been relocated from the head table, to… The satyr table. Where nobody talked about anything but reed pipes, hot nature spirits and tin cans. SOOOO many tin cans…

"Amen brother, I hear you!" Satyr Number 2 called out, "I tried serenading this dryad with K-Pop on my pipes any she was all like, 'Dude, is that a nursery rhyme?'"
This caused everyone around the table to burst out in laughter, everyone but Calypso that is. It must've been some kind of inside joke.

"Yeah, and last night I was with Bluebell and we were like, watching Fists of Furry," Satyr Number 1 said again.

"Wait, do you mean like, Fists of Fury, like the one with Jackie Pan in it?"

"No , FURRY, get it? Because we're satyrs, you know?" Satyr Number 1 chuckled.

"Wait, wait, wait, what?! Jackie Pan, you mean Jackie Chan, right?" Satyr Number 3 butted in.

Everyone laughed again at the mention of their esteemed and worshipped leader.

Calypso sat there, awkwardly eating her Greek salad. She plunged her fork into a cube of feta and brought it to her mouth. 'I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask Chiron to relocate me. Again,' she thought.

"DUDE! You hoofus!" Satyr Number 4 yelled enthusiastically, shoving Satyr Number 2. "Get it?! Hoofus? Doofus? Cos we have hooves, get it?!"

Calypso widened her eyes. She was sitting with a bunch of loonies. The goddess abandoned her ladylike table manners and wolfed down her salad.
"Huh-huh… Bye!" she told everyone.

"Ha!" Satyr Number 5 said, "Rye. Get it? Because we're nature spirits? Bye? Rye?"

A rapture of hearty laughter erupted around the table.

"It's a really creepy kind of love, okay?! Ooh… Wait… Important news!" holographic Calypso said loudly.

Leo contemplated the options available. Calypso could be lying (which she rarely ever did unless it was for a good cause) and wanted to keep her relationship with Ignus a secret. Or… she was telling the truth and Ignus was over-exaggerating everything.

And for once, Leo wasn't happily anticipating leaving Calypso with a message. What in the Tartarus was he meant to say? He imagined an outrageous scenario.

"Oh, Calypso," Leo said, dazzling with sparkles and glitter galore, "Please forgive me…" He of course, was in a princely outfit and upon a white horse.

"Why yes!" Calypso sang out, "I will love you forever no matter what happens!" And she was in a long, flowing dress fit for a princess.

They then rode away on the horse, to their magnificent castle.

Leo shook his head and ridded it of the illusion. 'Wow,' he thought, 'Even I did not know the extent of my mind's craziness.'

"Hey, Calypso… I think… I'm not really that sorry. I guess I did kind of jump to conclusions but the evidence in front of me was just soooo incriminating," he explained.

"It's not an excuse, it's just a real lousy explanation. What did you expect me to do?! He just appeared out of nowhere and was all like, 'OMG, get away from Calypso cos I'm her boyfriend!'" he squealed with a bad imitation of a typical valley-girl."

Leo raised his fist in the air and yelled,
"I'm telling you! It's that stupid guy's fault!"

"Bye, oh and, beep~" he ended the one-sided conversation, pressing the little button. The handy little machine sprouted its wings and flew into the distance.

"Leo! We're there," Frank yelled, sticking his head into Leo's room. "Come over here! You have got to see this!"

After lazily pulling himself out of bed, Leo slumped over to the deck to see what was going on. He gasped,
"Oh my freaking Hephaestus?!"

The rest of the demigods nodded,
"Apparently, it's true."

The beaten up girl slumped to the ground with scars and bruises all over her body.

"You've got to be kidding me. Is that her?!"

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to follow, fave or review! Love you! Bye bye~

-The Goddess of Duck Tape

See you next time ;)