Lindsay and the kids returned to the city after five days in Phoenix. It had been a long and exhausting week and after the memorial service, it was important to get the kids back home and into a routine. Adam was staying for a few more days, just to be there for Hannah, but Lindsay suspected he had some private grieving to do. He hadn't been particularly talkative so she'd had to guess at what he was thinking and feeling a lot.
The day before the memorial service, Adam's brother had flown into town somewhat unexpectedly. It wasn't as if he had ever known Sharon but he wanted to be there for his brother. His presence had spoken volumes and Lindsay had suddenly realized just how close the brothers were. They never spent that much time with Tim as a family but she was wondering if that needed to change.
"Hi mama!" Avery greeted, pushing the bedroom door open and swiping her curls off of her forehead. "Guess what?"
"I don't want to guess what darlin'. It's almost your bedtime and you should be jet-laggy."
"I comed up to see ya! I learned somethin' mama!"
"What did you learn baby?"
"I learned to spell Thomas' name! Ben teached me the sounds. I finded the answer!"
"You did? All by yourself?"
"Yes! T-O-M-I-S-S! Thomas!"
She smiled delightedly and Lindsay chuckled, proud of her daughter for trying to figure something like that out, even if she didn't get it exactly right.
"Ben's a most good teacher mama. I know all them sounds of all them letters! A for Avery. Can't 'member how to spell my name again. Gotta check in the mornin'."
"Alright."
Avery sighed and rolled over onto her stomach, kicking her legs gently in the air behind her.
"Mama? Is I growin' up?"
"You sure are sweetie."
"I like it. It's most fun to be learnin' new stuff. Like spellin' an' singin' an' the piano when you gots time! An' I like bein' in charge of Thomas an' I like my chores too!"
"You like your chores huh? Would you like more?"
"I don't got time with all my learnin'! Maybe when I am twenty."
"Okay sweetie."
"Mama, how much you love bein' our mama?"
"Oh, so much Averylin. It's my favorite thing in the world."
"I like you bein' my mama," Avery confirmed with a little nod, crawling under the covers. "I wish I can 'member when I was a little teeny tiny baby an' you holded me and rocked me. Them were good times."
"Hey, I will always hold and rock you, until we're both old ladies."
Avery laughed and shook her head.
"Oh mama you are most silly and weird."
"I know, and I passed it on to you."
"You done?"
"Yes, I done."
"Ooh, who is calling you mama? Your phone makes a loud noise."
"It's Austin. I figured the loudest ringtone was perfect for her."
Avery chuckled while Lindsay grabbed the phone.
"Hey Laverne."
"Hey Shirl. You guys get back okay?"
"We're fine. Adam stayed for a little while."
"Yeah, I texted him earlier. He's vague."
"That he is. So what's up?"
"My children are all sitting here looking at me with puppy dog eyes and begging to see their counterparts. I know it's a school night and your kids are probably wiped out but…"
"Mega sleep-over? My offspring aren't going to school tomorrow anyway."
"We'll be over soon."
The rest of what Austin was saying was drowned out by the happy squealing of the Messer kids and Avery, who started jumping on the bed happily.
"Gonna see my Sarah, gonna see my Sarah!" she chanted, wiggling and clapping while she jumped. "So very most happy!"
"Avery, settle down honey."
"I'm settlin'," she sighed jumping one more time before crashing back onto the bed. "Settle on daddy's side. Smells like hims aftershave."
Lindsay smirked and watched as Avery kicked her legs silently in excitement. She was rejoicing as if all the kids had been apart for months, not just a few days.
"We'll see you in a little bit then. I've got popcorn if you can scrounge up some child-sized sedatives."
"Might be able to."
Smiling, Lindsay hung up the phone and threw the blankets off, wondering where they were going to put all the kids to sleep. All three girls could fit in Avery's bed, the boys were a different story.
"Coley! Ben! Guess what?" Avery shouted, jumping off the bed and running downstairs. "Hello! I said to guess!"
"Well for cryin' out loud sissy! What is it?"
"The Messer folks is comin'! For a sleepin' over time! An' mama speaked of popcorn!"
"Wa-hoo!" Ben shouted, jumping up from the bed and ditching his book. "That's great news, sissy!"
"I know! What you think 'bout it, Coley?"
"I think it's great," he agreed with a little nod. "I really needed to talk to Isa anyway."
"Good," Avery grinned, leaning down to look under Ben's bed. "C'mon Floppers kitty. You shall have to play with the kids. So's they get to know ya."
The cat meowed and Avery reached a chubby hand under the bed to pull her out.
"C'mon now cat. We don't got time for bein' a stub."
"What's a stub, sissy?" Ben asked, pushing her away from the cat so she wouldn't get scratched.
"Stub. It's what daddy calls me an' mama when we's bein' mouthy."
"Stubborn," Colton corrected with a chuckle. "Maybe Floppers just wants to rest. Why don't you guys leave her there and she will come downstairs once the fun starts."
"Okay! I will go fetch Thomas and meet y'all downstairs to await our friends."
Colton bit back a laugh and watched her dash out of the room while Ben shook his head.
"Cole, I think that sometimes all the craziness in our family is bottled up inside sissy. And she just gots to let it out all the time."
"Kind of like when you let the air out of a balloon but you do it really slow and it squeaks."
"Yep. That one noise what makes mama holler 'cuz it irritates her ears."
"Yeah, that one. C'mon, let's go downstairs and see if we can get some stuff cleaned up before we have company."
"That will help mama out."
"But why couldn't they say "I love you" before this?" Isa screeched, slamming her hand down on the couch. "Adults are ridiculous! Clearly they were in love with each other!"
"What makes you think that?"
"Indy didn't you see how they make love eyeballs at each other? Man, for doctors they sure are dumb!"
"I totally agree," Lindsay chuckled, watching the old medical drama play out. "I suppose we just have to imagine they got together later in life."
"Later? LATER? Ma, can't you knock some sense into this woman? Time is of the essence when you're in love! She's leaving Chicago to go to Arizona and she's leaving him behind. In his crappy life. Ug, this is so irritating. Why do you watch this for fun?"
"Because," Austin laughed. "Sometimes you just get sucked in and you can't stop watching."
"Does she ever come back?"
"Yeah, in about five years."
Isa whined and crumpled against the couch.
"I declare mutiny."
"Against what?"
"Whoever wrote this junk!"
"I think we've just witnessed Isabeth's very first fan-girl experience."
"I feel like my heart is going to bubble up out of my mouth."
"She sounds like she needs a drink," Lindsay chuckled, reaching over to rub Isa's back. "Poor thing."
"Now I know why daddy and Dum still watch cartoons."
"You're a little disenchanted huh?"
"Whatever that means. Yeah. I'm just glad the other kids went to bed so they won't see me like this."
"I think it's time for chocolate milk," Lindsay said, standing up from the couch and heading to the kitchen. "With extra chocolate."
"Yes please."
Isa snuggled into Austin's side and bit her lip contemplatively for a moment, twisting a strand of hair around her finger.
"Hey ma?"
"Yeah baby?"
"You know what's kind of weird? I really, really love Colt a lot. He's my best friend in the whole world. Someday we want to live together so we can just be with each other all the time. But I don't love him like Mark and Susan love each other. I don't want to kiss him or fall in love with him. I just want to be his best friend. Is that okay?"
"That's totally okay Isabeth. Totally normal."
"He doesn't want to marry me either. He said we would always just hang out and never get anything done."
"That's probably true."
"What's true?" Lindsay asked, coming back with three glasses of chocolate milk.
"Just that me and Colt won't ever get married."
"Oh you won't?"
"Nah. I predict that I will fall in love with a guy that Colt won't like though. And he'll have to make him prove himself. And there might be some fighting. But you know, that's just a guess."
"We're all family anyway. I don't think we need to make it legal. Besides, I don't want to think about either of you getting married just yet."
"Oh don't worry Indy. Daddy made me promise not to date until I'm 54. I might do it in secret though. If the guy is cute enough."
"Isabeth, you're going to give your daddy a heart attack."
"I won't if he doesn't know!" she defended with a shrug. "Besides boys are really stupid most of the time anyway."
"That is true but just remember us women-folk can also be highly irrational."
Isa nodded and finished off her milk, wiping her face on her sleeve.
"I'm going to try again to go to sleep. I think I will just go sleep on the floor in Avery's room because that girl sleeps all over her bed and there's no room for me when you put Sarah in there too."
"You can go sleep in my bed if you want to."
"Okay!"
She bounded off the couch and headed upstairs while Austin swirled the remains of her drink in the bottom of her glass.
"I think that last hour was the best of her life. Hanging out with her ma and her Indy?"
Lindsay chuckled and nodded in agreement.
"She's easy to please though."
"Some days."
They fell into silence and Lindsay sighed deeply, her thoughts on Adam, wondering if he was doing okay. He'd never called to say goodnight and the last time she'd talked to him he sounded so distant and sad. She knew he needed to be in Arizona right now, but she wanted him to come home so she could help him.
"Lin? You in there?"
"Yeah. Sorry."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Life. Getting old. Losing people."
"I'm not ready for that."
"I'm not either. But we're getting to that point in life where it's becoming a natural part of life."
"Geez, you make us sound so old."
"We're not, but we're older than we used to be."
"I know. I don't want to think about it."
"Okay. Let's move on to something else."
"Like what?"
"Sarah wants to go to ballet camp. It's three weeks long in Maine. Her dance teacher said she can go on a partial scholarship but she's so young. She'd be there on her birthday. It's crazy expensive and we don't know if she's going to keep up with dance long enough to justify the expense. Kids are fickle."
"Yeah, but she's been dancing since before you bought her that first tutu. Remember when you were pregnant with her and she hardly ever moved and then you would put music on and she'd go crazy? It's in her blood, Aust. No idea where she got it, but it has been and always will be a part of her."
"Maybe so. I just don't feel like she's ready yet. Not to be away that long. She's not even nine years old yet."
"It is kind of a long time."
"I'm afraid she would be homesick and would end up hating it."
"She might surprise you but you might be right too. She's so young for going away that long. If it was just a regular summer camp maybe, but three weeks of intense dancing? You don't want her to pull a Stephanie Tanner, do you?"
Austin chuckled.
"No. We have a few more weeks to decide. She wrote us this three page letter about why she wants to go and what she hopes to do while she's there and how she will do extra chores to help pay for it. It was cute and everything, I just worry that if we say no it will break her heart."
"She'll recover."
"We'll see what happens. Anything new with your trio?"
"Colton spoke at the memorial service."
"He did?"
"Yeah. It wasn't much, basically a prettier sounding obituary. He stood up in front of a hundred strangers and spoke for two minutes and his voice didn't shake, he didn't stumble over his words and he looked so grown up standing there."
"Was it his idea to do it?"
"Yeah. He said he could do it and he needed to help out so we talked it through and came up with something for him to say. I just worry that maybe it wasn't the best idea."
"Linds, he probably needed to do that as part of his grieving process. Didn't you tell me he was upset that he didn't spend enough time with her and he felt like he didn't know her? This probably helped him to feel closer to her."
"That's probably true. He's had to grow up so much. Some of it is because of everything that happened with Adam's father but a lot of it he's put on himself. I don't want him to grow up feeling like he missed out on being a carefree kid."
"Go at his speed Lin. He knows himself really well, he'll let you know if he needs to slow down."
"I might be the one with reservations."
"Our kids are growing up, that's for sure. And we can be all melancholy and dwell on what it was like when they were babies, or we can enjoy what they are now."
"Tough love, party of one."
"Hey, what am I if not your emotional compass?"
"Austin Messer, I don't know what to do with you."
"Just have my back even when I drive you nuts."
"I don't have the energy to break that particular habit anyway."
"Hey Cole," Ben started curiously, standing on a chair and looking at the crowds of people. "How many of these people do you think aren't wearin' underpants?"
Colton laughed at the joke; Danny had had to explain what going commando meant the day before, much to the delight of the boys.
"I don't get why someone would do that," Ben continued, scratching his head. "Is it more comfy?"
"Oh yes Ben, it is most comfy," Avery answered absent-mindedly, looking out the window. She realized that she'd spoken out loud too late and she immediately got a panic face, trying to come up with a cover.
"I mean, Clover telled me that!" she said finally, holding up her doll as proof. "An' Thomas, hers don't wear underwear an' hers happy as a ostrich! I wear underpants!"
She shouted the last part and covered her face in embarrassment as she realized the amount of strangers that were staring. Lindsay just sighed and picked her up wondering if other kids did this kind of stuff or if it was just hers.
"When are we going to see our daddy comin' 'round that corner?" Ben sighed. "I really miss that goofy guy."
"I miss him too buddy. Just a few minutes I think."
"Do you think daddy will be okay when he sees us or is he still going to be really sad and quiet?" Colton asked. "I don't want him to be sad anymore."
"I don't know Colton. I know he's going to be sad for a long time but hopefully soon he'll be back to being the daddy we know and love. Just give him lots of hugs, okay?"
"Alright."
Avery wiggled down to the ground then, obviously forgetting her earlier embarrassment as she spun in a slow circle and sang to herself. She was clearly tuned out to the rest of the world, lost in her head because she could be as loud as she wanted there.
"Look, it's our daddy!" Ben shrieked suddenly, jumping and pointing. Adam gave them a smile and a wave and the boys waved back knowing they couldn't rush to him in such a big crowd. What was only a few seconds felt like hours to them until Adam finally made it over to where they were. They launched themselves at him and he knelt down to catch him, hugging them both so hard that they laughed.
"I missed you guys."
"We missed you too daddy!"
"Yeah daddy, I think we missed you even more than you missed us. And I know that's quite a lot."
"That is a lot of missing. Where's your sister?"
"She's over there spinnin'. Hey sissy! Daddy is here."
Bursting into happy tears Avery ran to him, jumping into his arms and throwing her arms around his neck.
"Oh daddy, daddy, daddy. I miss you so very most! So very, very most!"
He smiled and kissed her cheeks, wiping the tears away.
"I missed you too Tink. Ready to go home?"
"You gotta kiss mama first," she hiccupped, scrubbing at her eyes. "Her done cried from missin' you."
"She did?"
"Uh-huh, very little bit. I hugged her to fix it."
Adam hugged his daughter again then stood up and looked at Lindsay, his weary eyes saying more than he ever could. She made the first move, stepping closer until their arms came around each other.
"I'm so glad you're home," she whispered. The aforementioned tears had been borne of missing him in part but also from worry about him and the fact that she couldn't make things better or know what he really needed.
"Me too. I feel a little more balanced already."
"Good. I love you."
"I love you too. Let's go home."
"I will pull your bag, daddy!" Ben offered, grabbing the suitcase. "Now you could hold mama's hand on account of it's one of your favorite things."
"Thanks buddy."
They made their way out to the car where Avery cried because she was put in her carseat away from her daddy. It wasn't long until she'd whimpered herself to sleep, head resting on her arms.
"Hey daddy we have a surprise!" Colton started, leaning up towards the front seat. "So go ahead and start guessing."
"But don't guess that we're going on a picnic on your first try because then all the fun would be gone!"
"Ben!"
"What? Oh no, I gived it away! I'm sorry!"
"Hey don't worry about it bud. I bet I could never guess what kind of food we're having."
"Nope! I won't even do a hint!"
The boys fell into a chattering conversation and Lindsay glanced over at Adam, wondering if the lines around his eyes were new or if she only saw them because she was looking for them.
"How are your dad and Hannah?"
"I don't know," he sighed, turning one of the air vents so it would hit the kids. "Dad is doing a little better I think. Going back to work soon. Hannah… I don't know. She shuts herself in her room a lot. She doesn't want to go back to school."
"She's graduating in two months."
"I know. She said it won't be the same without mom there so she doesn't want to go. She wants to come here and stay with us for a while."
"You told her yes right?"
"Yeah. On the condition that she at least finishes school, whether she does it online or actually goes back. She'll do it, for no other reason than I asked her to."
"Can I do anything to help her?"
"Maybe give her a call in a few days."
"I will. Anything I can do for you?"
"I'm good babe. Getting there at least."
"Good. I feel like we've been apart a lot."
"Me too. But I'm home now and we can find a new normal. Again."
"I think we're still searching for the first normal, to be honest."
"Glad we're on the wild goose chase together then."