Yo guys! I'm back (kind of, not really, I don't know)! The only reason I can update again is because it's almost time for holidays and all my assessments have been handed in.
The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot: In which Octavian is a My Little Pony
This was such a bad idea. A horribly bad idea! Will gulped nervously. He was kneeling in front of Octavian.
"And just what do we have here?"
Will was on the verge of tears the size and speed of waterfalls.
"A son of Apollo?" he replied as if he didn't know the answer himself.
Octavian narrowed his eyes.
"I'm going to put it simply, I don't trust you. I don't believe that you're a son of Apollo and you don't fool me, so tell me, who are you really?" he demanded, pointing his ceremonial dagger at Will's neck threateningly.
He blinked innocently.
"But I'm telling you, I swear it on my life that I am a child of Apollo."
"And I'm a My Little Pony!" Octavian proclaimed sarcastically. "Who are you? This is your last chance."
A boy with a buzz cut stepped forward from the lines from the next wave of the soldiers.
"Pontifex Maximus, if I may. Could you possibly use your divine heavenly power to determine whether or not he is truly a son of Apollo?"
"Oh, uh, of course," Octavian wavered, "I knew that, for I am the mighty Pontifex Maximus. I will now perform the ancient ritual," he told everyone.
He snapped his fingers motioning for two foot soldiers to come forward with an ornate pillow with a Care Bear on it. Octavian plunged his dagger into the centre of the bear and pulled the stuffing out of it. Everyone in the large tent was silent for a few moments as their leader shaped fingered the strands of polyester to form various shapes. Octavian stopped and frowned.
"There's got to be a mistake," he murmured, "I'll do it again."
As he did it over and over, the scowl remained on his face.
'Or maybe that's just his default expression,' Will thought.
"Well… It seems that you are in fact telling the truth," he admitted. "I was so looking forward to tear you apart!" he added in a quieter voice. "However, this does not explain what you are doing in our tent. Explain yourself peasant!" he commanded in his annoyingly high-pitched voice.
"I wanted to help."
"And how do I know that you can be trusted?"
Will paused.
"I guess you can't really."
Octavian bit his lower lip and snapped his fingers again. The foot soldiers came back out with a plump Kirby plushie.
He repeated the process.
"This is most unusual. It appears that Apollo does want me to know. Who are you really?"
"I told you already, I'm a son of Apollo," Will repeated irritably.
Octavian grumbled in his throne. 'How is it possible that I, the great Pontifex Maximus is unable to know of this one peasant boy's motives,' he thought.
"So what are you doing here then?"
Will hesitated and took a moment to think. He had a couple of options, none of which had the outcome that he wanted.
"I'm here to become a Roman soldier."
"Oh, really," Octavian laughed. "And what makes you think that such an enormous empire would want your enlistment as a soldier?"
"Um… the more the merrier?" he tried.
Octavian considered it. They needed all the forces they couldn't get, but a shady 'son of Apollo' who just mysteriously turned up? Were they ready to stoop so low?
Jason looked down. Was that an… Orbem formate? The Roman legionnaires had assumed a circle-like formation with archers placed behind them to provide missile fire support. A huge, defensive tortoise formation was off to the side with their shields up to protect them from enemy arrows. That would strike Greek hard, as they relied a lot on archery.
He sighed and looked back to Camp Half Blood's preparations for war. They, were still in the middle of a 'war council', where they sat around in the rec room around the ping pong table and ate crackers with Cheez Whiz.
And were those bloodthirsty wolves? It was official, either he was bonkers or the Romans were seriously planning to overthrow the Greek empire (or a camp of forty under experienced kids) with absolutely no remorse.
He scanned his eyes across the vast expanse of what was soon to become a battlefield. There was nothing of that much importance to their battle strategies so he flew back to base.
Calypso sat in the recreation room with her legs crossed. She admired her crystal blade while listening attentively to Chiron's orders. When the time came, she would be ready to fight for her new family despite the fact that they had only been family for like, three days.
"Can we go yet? We need to fight the Romans as soon as possible," Malcolm grumbled unhappily.
Chiron frowned.
"But we need a strategy fir-" he started.
"DO YOU WANNA GO?!" Clarisse challenged everyone. "YOU WANNA GO BRO? I CAN LIKE, BENCH PRESS 250!"
Clearly, everyone in the rec room was wise enough to stay silent but Clovis was most unfortunate. In fact, he was SOOOOO unfortunate, that it didn't seem possible.
"Hmm… Kay mom… Yeah, I'll wash behind my ears next time… Sure can we go? I've always wanted to go… To Disneyland, that is," he mumbled incoherently.
That was enough of a cue for Clarisse to step onto the desk and ball up her hands in preparation for their fight.
Everyone's eyes looked like they were going to drop out of their sockets. It took restraint from Chris, Rachel and Conner to lower her fist.
"But he said that he wanted to go…" she complained.
Chiron didn't want a relapse of that so agreed to let the cabin leaders out of the room back to their sleeping quarters.
"Wait," he added, "We haven't done our traditional end of meeting brofist party."
"Oh… right," said several voices scattered across the room. Everyone (apart from the snoozing Clovis, of course) met up in the centre of the room and made fists with their hands. They arranged the fists into a circular shape without touching each other.
"One! Two! Three!" Chiron yelled. On the count of three, all the fists rushed straight to the middle for a mega fist-bump causing most demigods to walk away from the scene clutching their hands in pain.
"We so need a new traditional ending to our meetings," Katie muttered under her breath.
"But then it won't be traditional…" someone replied.
"And don't forget to tell your cabin about all the strategies that we've thought of together," he reminded them as they walked out.
"So we tell them about how we're going to hide in the cellars?" Travis asked.
"Erm… No, but don't forget the mashed potato one. That one was good. Ooh, and Apollo cabin should have all their bows and arrows ready because we're going to need them."
The cabin leaders looked around the room awkwardly. Where the Tartarus was Will?
"I'll tell Cabin Seven seeing as there's no one in my cabin," Calypso volunteered.
"Great work on volunteering, Calypso," Chiron congratulated her, "If you make it out of this in one piece, you're getting shower privileges."
Sorry for the shortish chapter but I tried. I got the brofist thing from Catsrawesome who has been a really supportive reader over the course of this fanfiction. Thank you!
~ The Goddess of Duck Tape out