"You were just a baby yesterday."
Hannah looked up from the box she was unpacking and gave Adam a half-smile, half-wince. Ever since she'd decided to go to college in New York he'd been telling her how much she'd grown and asking how it had happened so fast. His hovering almost had her reconsidering her choice of colleges.
"Adam, yesterday I was laying by the pool reading Othello. I most certainly wasn't a baby."
Adam chuckled and hefted another box of books onto her desk so he could put them away for her. It was strange how much of their mother he saw in his little sister, and yet how much she was her own person too. It still freaked him out that she was old enough to move away from home and go to college; he didn't feel old enough for that.
"I wish we had enough room for you to live with us," he commented, partially changing the subject.
"And not get the full college experience?"
"College is scary. I definitely don't want you to get the full experience."
"I'll be over all the time."
"I'd love that, but you're right. You need to do the college thing. Don't feel obligated."
She gave him a smile and looked down at the picture in her hands.
"Need to find a good place for that one," Adam said softly, sliding his arm around her shoulders and looking down at the picture of their mom. "Next to the bed?"
She nodded and set the picture down, taking a deep breath before moving on to the next box.
"Hannah, mom would be so proud of you."
"I know."
"And it's okay to be happy sometimes."
"I know that too. It's still just… you know."
"I do know."
He kissed her forehead and released her as Lindsay and the kids came in with more boxes, Avery whining at the shoebox she'd been given.
"Auntie Hannah did you pack rocks in here?"
"Nope."
"It's most heavy. I need to lay on your bed and rest it out."
"Okay."
Avery climbed onto the bed and snuggled up with the pillows while everyone else worked at getting Hannah settled.
"I think we should have a celebration," Ben said after a while, taking his glasses off to clean them. "A celebration for auntie Hannah living in New York."
"What kind of celebration?" Hannah chuckled.
"Going out to dinner! One what's nice, where me and sissy will get told a lot of times to behave ourselves and where I can't read the menu! That kind of celebration! With ice-cream after."
"Sounds like a good idea buddy."
"Cole came up with it in the car on the way over here. I just said it now because it sounded great and I was sure he forgot."
"I did kind of forget. Thanks for reminding me Ben!"
"I think we could probably go out to dinner, but we'll have a tough time finding a place with a menu that you can't read," Adam laughed. "How about Hannah and I can take the rental car back and then we'll all meet somewhere for dinner."
"That sounds great daddy! Come on, let's go!"
"Ben, hold your horses."
"But I am hungry!"
There was a discussion about where to do for dinner and soon Lindsay and the kids were leaving the dorms, the boys being a little louder than they should have been and running ahead excitedly. Adam stayed back and waited for his sister to change her shoes before they headed out as well. Her dad had rented a car for her in Arizona and they'd driven it to the city, stuffed to the brim with her things. They'd taken a week to do it, spending some time together before she would be gone. He'd flown home earlier in the morning after a tearful goodbye and promises to visit. As brave of a face as Hannah had put on, she was homesick in the worst way, and couldn't wait to have a good cry into her pillow tonight.
"Hey sis?"
"Hmm?"
"You can stay with us tonight if you want," Adam offered, starting up the car. "You'd have to share a bed with Avery but she's been sleeping in the boys room on the floor mostly."
"No, it's okay. I'll be fine."
"If you change your mind, I'll come pick you up. Two a.m., doesn't matter."
"I know."
"Alright. We'd better get going, the kids are going to be begging for food soon."
"Auntie Hannah lookit this most beautifullest ring I have!" Avery exclaimed, holding up the prize she'd gotten out of a toy machine. "It is blue and lovely."
"It matches your eyes."
"Oh boy it matches mine eyes? How lucky! Will you color mine menu with me?"
"Sure. C'mere and sit with me."
Avery giggled and climbed up into the booth, pulling the basket of crayons closer and picking a green one.
"Auntie Hannah, I like that you is here. It is being like havin' a sister for me. I always wanted a sister, since I was just a little baby. Thomas is like a sister but hers a dog an' she can't talk back an' I gotta take her outside to do hers business."
"That doesn't sound like fun."
"It is not. 'Specially in the coldness. But hers a trouper. Hers holds it until it is time to go out. What a sweet doggy I got."
"I'm glad you love her so much."
"Hers my most favoritest present I ever got. I need to scoot into your lap so's I could see the picture better. I am a shorty."
Hannah laughed and Avery climbed into her lap with a nod.
"There, that is better. Hey, now I gots even one more person to snuggle with! This is a most good day."
"I think so too."
Avery smiled as Adam and Lindsay came back to the table with two pizzas, and the boys brought up the rear, carrying a basket of bread sticks and a pitcher of soda.
"I will cut up sissy's piece for her," Ben said, climbing up into the booth and distributing plates to everyone. "On account of I need practice usin' a knife and fork at the same time."
"You can cut it up for me Ben but not too little. I am not a baby."
"Okay. I will cut them medium size for you. What kind would you like?"
"Both please. Thank you Ben. You are a great gentleman."
"We are learning manners at school. Some kids in my class come to school with no manners to speak of! I think me and Dunner was the only ones not livin' like animals. They couldn't even say thank you to the teacher for stuff. So now we learn manners every day."
"I think some kids in my class might need to do that too," Colton sighed, pouring a glass of soda and sliding it over the table to his sister. "This one kid belched out loud at the table at lunch the other day. It was even gross enough that Isa told him he'd better excuse himself. What is with people today?"
"I burp at the table," Avery said with a shrug. "And daddy does also."
"Hey, in some cultures that's a sign of meal appreciation," Adam defended.
"But in our house it's a sign of being gross."
"Linds, you laugh every time."
"Just because I find it funny does not mean I condone it," Lindsay grinned while Colton reached across the table to tuck a napkin into Avery's collar.
"Now I am ready to eat. Thank you my brothers!"
The boys both gave her a nod and started in on their own dinners.
"Hey Hannah, daddy says that college is where you learn how to be the thing you want to be for the rest of your life," Colton said, picking a mushroom off his pizza and putting it on Ben's plate. "So what are you going to be for the rest of your life?"
"You know what? I have no idea."
"You don't? I always have known that I want to be a doctor. How come you haven't decided yet?"
"Some people take a while to decide. There's a lot of things I would like to do. I just don't know which is the right one."
"So when will you find out?"
"Hopefully soon."
Colton nodded thoughtfully.
"Well what type of job would you like? You know, how Ben wants a job where he can help people but he doesn't know exactly the job."
"I want to do something that would help people too. And I want to travel and meet people and get to do a lot of fun things. I would like to learn different languages and see how different people live all over the world."
"I hope you find something you can do then. I bet it will be something really great. What kind of things will you learn before you find out what you want to learn for your job?"
"I'll just take normal classes like math and English for now."
"I'm pretty good at math. Maybe sometime we could do our homework together. That would be funny."
"I'd like do join y'all!" Ben grinned. "I am bad at math sometimes, so you could help me."
"Okay, we'll have a study party soon," Hannah agreed. "I'll bring the junk food."
"You's old kids could do that," Avery said. "I will go on a date with mama and daddy. How is that business?"
"Sounds great, Tink. Mama and I will come up with something fun to do."
"I wanna go see a play. Where the people are real life and not inside a movie. Could we do that?"
"Probably."
"Oh great! I like this thing that we are planning. Auntie Hannah could I come have a spend-the-night at your new bedroom sometime?"
"Probably, if it's okay."
"And then the brothers could go with mama and daddy on a date too! I sure like havin' you livin' here auntie Hannah! It opens up a world that gots possibilities."
"Avery, has anyone ever told you how cute you are?"
"Oh yes, most times. But mama says bein' cute is not as 'portant as being nice. So I work on bein' nice 'cuz bein' cute comes all natural."
"You are so great."
"Thanks! Hey Ben, pass me that shake cheese please."
"Okay. Good rhyme by the way sissy."
"Thanks! I didn't even know I done it."
"That makes it even funnier! Auntie Hannah, it's stuff like this that you've got to look forward to now! Aren't you so happy?"
"Over the moon, Ben."
"Another cup of coffee?" Adam offered, standing up from the desk chair and giving Lindsay's shoulder a squeeze.
"I'd better switch to tea or I'll never sleep tonight," she said softly, opening up another window. "What was I looking up?"
"Heart defects."
She sighed and rubbed at her eyes, wishing she didn't have to see reality staring back at her. They had just started getting into all the paperwork and research that would go into an adoption and they were currently researching common health and developmental problems to see which they could take on. It was scary to think that there were orphans suffering from chronic diseases with no family to support them. It was scarier to think about how many illnesses and behaviors were brought on or exacerbated in some cases by institutionalization. Neither one of them had ever imagined what an orphanage must be like domestically, but now they were faced with the truth of what it was like in other places.
"I don't want to do this anymore."
"What?"
"This research. I don't want to pick and choose what kind of child fits into our family and rule out another just because it might be hard. If Colton or Ben or Avery had been born with any of these things, it wouldn't have mattered. It's not fair to think we can choose now. I don't care what struggles our child might have. Check all the boxes, Adam. We'll deal with them all."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Whatever child we find that is meant to be ours we'll get through whatever obstacles there are. So what if we are never empty nesters? So what if we get hospital frequent flyer miles? So what if the behaviors test our patience and push us to the limit? It's our child we're talking about."
Adam nodded and reached over to brush the tears from her cheeks.
"I think we need to know the kinds of things we could be taking on. But you're right, it shouldn't change anything."
"I just can't help but think of all the doors we would be closing if we said no to… I don't know, one of the things on the list. Which children wouldn't stand a chance… this is miserable."
"I know. It almost seems absurd."
"It does. I feel like we should just choose a child based on a connection we feel and worry about the rest later."
He nodded again and took her hands in his, holding them gently and looking deep into her eyes.
"Linds, we're going to find our child, the one who was meant to be ours all along. Whatever happens, we'll get through."
"I hate that we have to wait so long."
"I do too."
She sighed and reached over to turn the computer off.
"I think I need to be done for tonight."
"Okay. Want to find something mindless on TV for a while before we turn in?"
"Yeah, that sounds good."
He took her hand and the stood up making their way to the couch.
"Ouch! Why does Avery keep leaving all her stuff in between the cushions?" Lindsay sighed, pulling a handful of plastic toys out of the crevice. "She's such a pack rat."
"I think it's funny when we go to the store and she pulls out her purse to pay for things. The other day she had a shoe, a dog treat, some string, a broken cassette tape and a half burned candle in there, all of which she unloaded onto the counter before she could find her quarters to buy some candy."
"And she was muttering to herself the entire time?"
"Yeah. "I putted it in here this mornin', I know I done. I's talkin' to Thomas an' I loaded up my bag. Where is them quarters?!" I was trying so hard not to laugh but I didn't make it. She glared at me and kept searching through old gum wrappers and broken rubber bands until she found it."
"She's so great. I just want to live in her world sometimes."
"I never know what she is going to come up with."
"It's always fun."
"Did Ben tell you his big plans for securing presidency over the second grade?"
"Yes. I didn't know they started politics this young."
"Public school."
"He said that he and Junior already came up with a slogan. "Winnin' with Binyin." Junior is going to be his secret service guy and he asked me if I could buy him one more fancy outfit because he doesn't have enough for every day of the week."
"And Colton wants to play football this year. I never thought that being a parent would be so… fun."
"I didn't either. I think we've hit that point where they don't need as much hands-on parenting and we can simply enjoy the people they are."
"It's kind of amazing that they used to be tiny babies and now they're so old and smart and totally different from each other but still somehow so similar," Adam mused, glancing up at the family picture on the wall. "I remember especially when Colton was first born being amazed that we'd created a human, you know? But now… they've all made themselves into who they are."
"I can't believe we get to watch it happen."
"Better not take it for granted."
"You want to go upstairs and watch them sleep?"
"Yeah, let's go."