Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
The queen has somehow managed to slip out of the bed without waking the younger woman who shared it with her the previous night. Emma had habitually been staying over for the past few nights, while her son slept at the apartment with her parents.
Regina steps lightly across the floor to her vanity, where her silver robe lies draped over a chair. She covers herself with the robe; then proceeds downstairs to the kitchen.
Within minutes, Emma is awakened by the aroma of coffee flooding the mansion.
As Regina tip-toes back into the master bedroom, she notices the younger woman stirring. She addresses the barely awake blonde, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
Emma props herself up on her elbows, consequently exposing bare breasts, and attempts to wipe the sleep from her eyes, "It's alright. I need to get up anyway."
Regina watches as the sheets slide down the younger woman's form as she straightens herself into a seated position. She could never resist raking her eyes over Emma's form, naked or clothed. This time her eyes linger, imagining what further glory remains hidden underneath the thin white sheets. She watches Emma stretch her ridiculously toned arms as she yawns, granting Regina the most amazing view. The younger woman is obviously very comfortable being naked, which the queen appreciates as a woman and a lover. Still, she asks herself: Why does she have to do that? She finally finds her voice when she realizes Emma has caught her staring and, apparently, drooling. "How did you sleep?"
Emma scoots back to rest against the headboard, shamelessly exposing her bottom half. "I always sleep the best when I'm here, Regina."
Your body is even more spectacular in the sunlight. "I'm glad you got some rest."
Emma giggles to herself when she realizes where Regina's gaze is focused. "I'm up here."
The queen is mortified. "Shit."
Emma's laugh is audible this time and her smile is brighter than the sun. "It's okay. I'm flattered."
Regina catches a little bit of Emma's contagious smile. "Trust me, your body is magnificent. I am fighting every urge not to fold you in half fuck you senseless right now."
"Why fight?" She is obviously flirting.
The queen regains her regal composure before speaking. "Emma, please put something on."
Regina's tone sobers the younger woman a bit. "Okay," she flatly responds.
Regina busies herself in her walk-in closet, picking out her outfit for the workday; anything to avoid shamelessly staring at Emma's body.
Once she has located her discarded underpants from the previous night, Emma slides them on and directs a question toward the walk-in closet. "Do you wanna…get some breakfast?"
The faceless voice responds, "I shouldn't, Emma. I really need to get ready for work."
"Oh." The sick feeling is back. Unable to continue dressing, she pauses to sit on the edge of the bed. "Okay." She's not okay, not at all.
Regina puts her shoe hunt on hold, concerned by her guest's sudden silence. She steps out of the closet and is immediately sickened by the sight of a much smaller and dimmer Emma, silently crying.
Shit. I didn't mean to make her sad. "Emma," she quietly asks.
Emma quickly wipes the tears from her eyes before looking up.
Regina continues, "Can I interest you in a shower?"
The younger woman brightens again. "Oh, hell yeah!"
They are now in Regina's Mercedes driving down Miflin Street. Both women are sporting stupid grins, recalling their recent shower escapade, which they've decided is their new favorite.
"Thank you for the shower," Emma flirts.
"You're welcome," Regina says with a huge smile on her face.
"You have a super skilled tongue. I mean, off the charts spectacular! I'm surprised I don't put you to sleep when I go down on you."
Regina regards the giddy blonde in the passenger seat. How is this woman so adorable? I really want to make her feel as special as she makes me feel. "Oh, Emma, I love when you go down on me."
"Really?" That's amazing!
The brunette smiles fondly, she is sincere in her compliment, "Of course, I do."
"Anyway, I want to thank you for the, I'm ashamed to admit that I lost count of how many orgasms you've given me in the last twelve hours."
Yep, Regina is blushing. She is not even going attempt to hide it.
"I especially want to thank you for the other night. I've never experienced a more intense orgasm in my entire life! I'm pretty sure you almost killed me." The idea suddenly occurs to her. "Wait. Were you trying to kill me?"
Regina has to think. To what night is Emma referring? "Last night?"
"No, it was about a week ago."
"Oh." She takes a minute to think back. "Oh!" Shit.
"Did you use magic?"
"Of course not," the brunette laughs uncomfortably and somewhat robotically, attempting to mask the panic she is feeling. Shit. Did I use magic?
"Have you ever tried?"
"Tried what?"
"Using magic during sex?"
"No. That would not be a good idea."
"Why not? It's not like you can get me pregnant. Right?"
She is practically in hysterics, laughing, "Of course not." I fucked up. "It's just…I'm really not sure what magic could do." Besides get you pregnant. She is serious now, as she says, "I wouldn't want to hurt you." She places her right hand over Emma's to show her sincerity and concern.
She really cares about me. "I wouldn't want to hurt you either," Emma says, placing her free hand on top of Regina's. I would never hurt you. "Okay, no magic."
"Here we are," Regina says as she puts the car in park.
Emma begins, "Regina…" She is stopped before she can finish the sentence.
"Emma, I have to go." Regina avoids Emma's eyes as she protests.
The blonde woman now wears the all too familiar kicked puppy look once again. "I know. I just…could we...maybe...have lunch together this afternoon?"
Still avoiding blue eyes, Regina continues, "I…don't think I can." After receiving no response from Emma, Regina tries to amend her previous statement, "But…I'll call you later." The blonde woman still does not respond, in her mind the whole morning had been a lie. "Emma?"
Glassy blue eyes meet brown. Being the Evil Queen, Regina had the experience of ripping out quite a few hearts with her bare hand. Emma had the ability to do this with only that look.
"I'll see you later." She knows she should have said more, but that was all that the queen could manage at the moment.
Emma looks away and nods, trying to keep it together. As she opens the door to exit the vehicle, Regina brings her attention back, "Emma?"
Emma turns and meets Regina's eyes.
What do I say? What do I want to say? "Have a good day." That wasn't what I wanted to say.
"You too," is Emma's automatic response.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Regina continues to absentmindedly fiddle with the pen in her hand as she sits behind her desk, staring off into space. She is completely dazed, her mind consumed with thoughts of shower sex with Emma Swan. Emma. Why am I still thinking about her…naked? Damnit! Why do I long to feel her bare skin against mine? I want her in my bed tonight. How will I be able to sleep without her? Why can't I get her out of my head? What has she done to me? Is it possible that she's pregnant?
Just then, Regina is snapped out of her wet daydream by a knock on her door.
Regina grants the visitor entrance. "Come in."
It is obvious in her facial expression that this visitor is entirely unexpected. She looks like she has just seen the ghost of her mother. She stands and smoothes imaginary wrinkles from her skirt as she says, "Robin."
"Hello, Regina." He awkwardly steps inside the mayor's office, not moving beyond the doorway.
"Come in, please," she says, gesturing for him to come closer.
"I apologize for just dropping in on you like this," he says, striding toward the mayor's desk. Regina is incredibly tense. "I was hoping, now that things have settled down a bit, that you'd grant me the pleasure of taking you to dinner tonight." Regina inhales deeply, she is entirely unprepared for this. Robin cautiously continues, "That is of course, unless another time would be better for you."
If she was caught off guard before, she is beyond caught off guard at this proposition.
Shit. Why now? I just want to be with Emma again. Just one last time. I'm not ready to give her up. But, this man is my destiny. I'm supposed to be with him. Robin and I are meant to be together. This is a good thing.
She convinces herself that she is okay with this proposition and reluctantly answers, "Oh, I, uh, um…yes. Yes, I would love to have dinner with you tonight." Why did I say that?
The clueless dope smiles at her, blindly believing that the former queen is actually into him.
"I'll see you later, then." He begins to back away toward the door.
Regina nods sheepishly.
Before exiting, he leaves the queen with a compliment. "You look really beautiful today, Regina."
The door shuts and Regina can only think of one thing. Emma.
########
It's been over a week and Emma has not heard from or seen Regina. Tonight was Henry's night with Emma in their shared custody routine, so she decides to use this opportunity to get information from her son.
She attempts to strike up a casual conversation, as she steps into the kitchen, where Henry sits doing homework at the table. "Hey, kid."
"Hey, Mom. What's up?" He is mildly confused as to his mother's reason for interrupting his homework.
She repeats in her mind: keep it casual, try not to look desperate. "Nothing much. How's school going?"
"School's fine." He looks at her with a puzzled expression.
"Good," this is her automatic reaction. There is a brief pause as the blonde woman avoids looking into her son's eyes. "That's good." Her body language gives her away. Her hands are tucked in her pockets, and she rocks back and forth on her heels.
As observant as ever, Henry picks up on this immediately. "Mom, is there something you want to talk to me about?"
She begins, hesitantly, "I'm just curious, Henry." She closes both eyes tightly, summoning the courage to ask her son the burning question. Looking at him with one eye open, she asks, "How's your mom?"
"She's fine." Henry remains in a state of confusion as he waits for his mother to elaborate her questioning.
"Good." Both eyes are open now, which she uses to scan the room. "Listen, I was thinking of stopping by her place later this evening. I need to talk to her about something. Do you know if she'll be home?"
Henry can tell that something is amiss, but he decides not to challenge his unstable mother. "Um…she should be."
Just before Emma can spring into action, Henry catches her. "Oh, wait, she made plans with Robin tonight. So, he'll probably be there too."
Emma's heart sinks into her stomach, the nausea is back. "Oh."
"Yeah, it's hard for me to get used to her dating." Henry's tone sounds slightly annoyed.
This intrigues Emma. "You don't like that she's dating?"
He responds sincerely, "I want her to be happy. I want you both to be happy." The conversation takes a serious shift. "I just think it's weird that she's with him."
"Really?" Emma is both intrigued and hopeful about this prospect.
"She seems happy, but I don't believe that she really is," Henry continues.
She is determined to stifle her excitement about the possibility of Regina and Robin's relationship not lasting and show genuine concern for her son's mother. "Why is that?"
"She barely knows him, Mom. And, it's not like her to fall for someone like that. I don't know how to explain it, but she's not herself when she's with him…she's someone I don't recognize. It's like she's trying to be someone else."
Her son's perspective hits Emma hard. "Oh, Henry, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
"It's okay. I mean, I want her to be happy. If he makes her happy then that's good. Right?"
Emma has no words, so she just embraces Henry to reassure him.
Her conversation with Henry left Emma feeling on edge. She decides that she needs a distraction. She needs to get the gorgeous…naked…wet…brunette out of her mind.
Hey, Killian. What are you up to? I need to get out of the apartment for a while. Wanna hang out? Meet you at Granny's in 5? Okay, cool. See you there.
She wouldn't be able to tell you how long she had been staring into space, just that she absolutely was.
The pirate repeats, "Swan?"
Damnit. "I'm sorry?"
"I just asked you if you wanted to come back to my place. We've barely spent any time alone together in the last month," Hook explains.
No. I really don't want to have sex with you tonight. What kind of lie can I tell him? "Um…could we go for a walk? It's really nice out."
"Of course." The pirate stands and offers his hand to help Emma out of the booth. He is fully aware that Emma is capable of getting out of the booth by herself, but he insists on treating her like a lady.
Emma leads the way out of the diner after bidding the servers goodnight.
She feels so much relief as she breathes in the cool, coastal air. Autopilot takes over and she begins to walk toward the most calming place, other than Regina's, that she can think of…the pier. She always enjoyed Storybrooke night's, they always remind her of the first night she came to the town. That has always remained one of her favorite memories. She can picture it clearly. She is standing outside the mayor's mansion, the door opens revealing a stunning brunette in a tight, grey cocktail dress. She definitely noticed how Regina's eyes raked over her during their first meeting. She absolutely enjoyed looking the mayor over and imagining the woman wrapped around her body, screaming her name in ecstasy. They'd been walking for several minutes before Emma finally remembers that she has company on this walk, when the comfortable silence is broken by an inquisitive pirate.
"You seem distracted, love. Is something troubling you?"
She sees no point denying, but she hesitantly responds, "Actually…yeah."
He questions further, "What is it?"
How do I tell him, without telling him? I can't keep up this charade much longer. I have to do this. "I…don't…"
He stops in his tracks. "Swan. You can talk to me." He gently takes her hand in his and holds it next to his heart. "I want you to know that I'm here for you, love. For whatever you need."
I hate when he does that. She believes his sincerity, but that's also what disgusts her. Please let go of me. "I know."
He leans in closer, trying to offer her comfort that he believes he is the only one qualified to provide. "What's wrong?"
I'm going to be sick. "Killian…I…I…"
"You're breaking up with me," he says, with defeat in his expression. He releases the young woman's hand.
I broke his heart. I'm such an asshole. "Killian…"
The pirate attempts to hold it together, but it's impossible to hide the tears welling in his eyes. Not wanting to appear vulnerable, he goes to the safer emotion…anger. "There's someone else."
A wave of panic rushes through the agitated blonde. "What?!" I'm not ready for anyone to know.
His eyes definitely changed. They are no longer glassy, they are dark from the hate filling his heart. "It's Regina," he says with loathing.
"No!" Please don't blame Regina. I'm in love with her. This isn't her fault.
She isn't ashamed, not at all. This is all still very new. It's special. Regina is special. She wants to protect this secret and keep it safe. She's just not ready to share her newly found happiness with the incredible brunette with anyone.
"Just admit it, Swan. You're in love with her," he nearly shouts.
It becomes very clear to Emma that Killian's rage is to a boiling point. She'd be lying if she said that she wasn't worried that he might explode at any moment. She always believed that he would never hurt her, plus, she has her magic to protect her if things get out of control. "Killian, you're scaring me."
He manages to reign in his anger and calmly asks, "Are you in love with her?"
She begins to cry, as she makes her admission, "Yes."
Managing to hold it together, the pirate continues to speak while avoiding eye contact. "I think I've always known that you harbor feelings for the queen. I just didn't want to believe it."
She knows she shouldn't have cheated. She should have been honest with the pirate from the beginning, instead of leading him on. "Killian…"
"Please, Swan. No more lies." He would never consciously harm Emma, but his anger has been known to slip out of control. For the safety of the woman he loves he begins focusing his rage on the woman he hates.
"You're heart belongs to another." Every word drips with the venom of hate. "I'm not going to try to change your mind." His tone does not match the words that he is saying; it sends a chill down Emma's spine.
Please don't blame Regina. "I'm sorry." She's not sorry for loving Regina. But, she does regret stringing the love-sick pirate along.
"I can't force you to have feelings for me." For Emma's safety, he has arrested all feelings at this point. His words are void of emotion. "I do love you, Swan. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy."
"I want you to be happy too." Emma admits to herself that she has grown to care for the pirate over the past two years. He was a much appreciated distraction for her. She is grateful to him for making her feel wanted, needed, valued, enough. So often she had sought comfort in him on days when she didn't want to go on living. While she was only seeking comfort and validation, he was falling in love. "I still care about you Killian. You're my friend."
"I can't be your friend," he bluntly responds.
I am the worst. "Killian…"
It is evident in his body language that the pirate needs this conversation to end. "Good luck to you, Swan." He briskly walks away, into the night, determined to have revenge on the woman he believes to have ruined his life.
"Hi, honey! How was your date?" Mary-Margaret greets Emma in her usual, annoyingly cheerful manner. When she doesn't receive a response as Emma passes her and heads toward the stairs, the new mother is immediately alarmed. "Emma, what's wrong?"
The young woman hesitantly halts her movements and turns to face her mother. "I broke up with Killian."
Mom mode switches on; she is determined to comfort her child. "Oh, honey. What happened?"
She surprises herself with the sudden rush of emotion. She begins to cry. "I don't love him, Mom."
Mary-Margaret automatically embraces her emotionally fragile child. "Honey, it's alright."
Emma willingly lets herself be comforted by her mother's loving embrace as she continues to explain while sobbing, "He loves me so much, but I don't feel that way about him. I can't. I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. I thought that I could be happy, but I've been miserable…knowing that…" She almost spills her secret. She keeps the focus on the pirate as she continues, "that I don't feel anything for him."
Mary-Margaret just hugs her daughter tighter. "Emma," she whispers.
Mother and daughter break their hug. Mary-Margaret instinctively cups her daughters face in her hand. Emma continues to explain, soothed by her mother's loving touch. "The worst part is that I broke his heart. He's madly in love with me and I crushed him tonight. But, I couldn't go on being with him. I was suffocating." She desperately needs validation right now, which surprisingly to her, Mary-Margaret is eager to give.
Mary-Margaret takes both of Emma's hands in hers before speaking, determined to instill confidence in her beloved child. "Emma, it's okay. You did the right thing. Of course you shouldn't stay in a relationship if you don't love the other person. You need to do what's right for you, Emma. Trust yourself. You did the right thing."
Never before in her life had Emma felt this unconditional love and acceptance. She gives her mother's words a chance to affect her before asking the burning question, "You're really okay with this?"
"Honey, it's not up to me. This is your life, Emma. All I want is for you to be happy and for you to be true to yourself." The sincerity is unmistakable.
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you so much, Emma; always."