The first time Tim thought about leaving was about a month after his 'rescue'. It was a bright day sunny day, and he was in the gardens with Stephanie. Golden Stephanie with her hair loose around her shoulders illuminating her face, laughing as a ladybug crawled up to her elbow. Tim was lost in thoughts of being that bug, just crawling along a surface because it was there. No worries, no demented clown's voice in his head laughing.
"Tim?" Stephanie says a few moments later, closer than Tim thought she was. Her nose was just inches from his, knees bumping his from their seated position, and if it was anyone else he was sure he would have lashed out or punched them. But never Stephanie, he could never hurt her. "Where are you, Timmers?"
"Huh?" Comes from his mouth before he thinks, and a sad smile forms on her lips. Tim wishes he was not the cause of that sadness. "I'm right here Steph."
"I know." Stephanie says. Her hand lightly, almost painfully hesitantly, touches his arm. The light touch goes from his elbow to his hand before her hand becomes entwined with her. "Just don't leave me again." Her voice is even, but Tim knows the sadness leaking out.
"As long as I can, I won't." Tim says back, and he knows his smile is wrong when Stephanie's eyes recoil for the smallest of an inch. The promise is as hollow as Tim fells as Stephanie lets her forehead rest on his shoulder.
She breathes deeply and sighs. Tim's brain may not be right, he knows he has lost days at a time. He's woken up restrained more times than he can remember, Bruce or Damian with bruises fresh or days old from his hands. But that sigh, the emotions expressed in the simple directed inhale and exhale, is so sharp in his memory. He was a burden like this, how much longer could he stay like this before it drove him to something he was not. Until he became something so irreversible he could never come back to even this. A broken boy and the girl who could not let him go.
She finally lifts her head, a genuine smile on her face as she chuckles almost silently. "I almost forgot." She moves to stand, offering her hand to Tim when she was on her feet. "Alfred packed a picnic for us. Let's grab it and go to the big oak tree down the path, I'm famished."
Tim takes her hand, the unnatural paleness of his skin (a final gift from the Joker's jokerization process) a contrast from her slightly tanned hand. He stands and they begin their trek back to the house, Tim wondering how much longer he could hold on to days like this.
It was later that night, a rare moment when he was left alone. Not that he was ever alone, not anymore. Alfred was just a few yards away, in what direction Tim could no say but he knew he was never within a short sprint from wherever Tim was; and Batman and Blackbird were on patrol. Stephanie had gone home to her mother, she had started to patrol less often since school had resumed. That left Tim to stay in his room, sleep alluding him as it always had. Now, though, it was from fear of memories rather than his brain overworking and refusing to shut down.
A puzzle, something to dissect and put back together. That was what he needed, but he was, in more or less words, forbidden from the Batcave. All past cases were available to him in the form of files, nothing new ever passed the lips of the former Dynamic Duo. The files on hand had been solved and picked through, reevaluated and re-tested, theorized, and scrutinized until Tim could recite them all by memory if he tried. He needed for something to change, the stagnate world he resided was killing him.
It was then that it hit him. Of course, the thought had been offered by Damian. In those horrible first days of his 'return', and even with his limited memory, the screams and threats that ripped the fragile air of the Batcave. The offer of the waters of the Lazarus Pit, Damian saying that his grandfather would allow if he returned. The fact that Damian would offer himself for Tim was the ultimate testiment that he should not; Damian would become lost if he went back to that. Bruce put his foot down at that, forbade his son from even mentioning it. It was not worth it, sacrificing Damian for somethign that had only a theory of helping. Damian meant more than Tim could, Tim was just a replacement of something greater than he could ever be. But Tim was not Damian. He had nothing to lose if he sought out Ra's al Ghul, gave himself to him for the chance of clarity.
As it was, Tim knew that he would never be Robin again. His wings were clipped the moment the first drops of liquidated Joker gas hit his bloodstream. Even the poisonous madness from the Pit would be preferable to the living death he was subjected to.
The only thing holding him back was Stephanie. Stephanie who in another life he could see himself marrying and being with forever. In this life though, they had Batgirl and Robin. Partners in every sense. Now they, though, he was a hindrance. He could never give her any life but as his caretaker, and she deserved much more than that.
Looking out his window, the distance lights of Gotham with its constant waves of law and disorder. Forever in a state of flux from peace to disaster. His city that held him close and eventually chewed and spit him out.
A stutter of a breath escaped his lips as he found the urge to let himself laugh. His plan would be difficult, just getting out of the Wayne estate would be more difficult than almost anything he ever attempted. But Tim knew he could do, could outsmart Batman and Blackbird. He had done it for years before he became Robin, and that was as an untrained child. Now he was a broken bird, and he knew he needed to break out of this gilded cage. Maybe he could learn to fly again.
***Two Month's Later, Nanda Parbat***
"So, the Broken Bird has finally freed itself I see." Ra's al Ghul said, looking at the intruder held between two of his guards. The boy was breathing heavily, the marks of a fight hard won shown across his torn clothing and bruised face. "What can I do for you, Young Detective."
Timothy Drake was no stranger to the Demon's Head. The young boy who had taken up his grandson's mantel may not have held the fighting prowess of Damian or father, but his intelligence was a formidable opponent even to the centuries old assassin. As the boy caught his breath, Ra's was almost taken back by the wildly insane look he was given. "Think you're clever, don't you Raz? You with all your henchmen and century's old rituals," A laugh escapes his lips, insanity and evidence of the rumored ravaging of his mind evident. "Can't give you everything now, though. Lost your grandson to a man who runs around scaring two-bit criminals dressed like a giant rodent."
"Why have you come to me, child?" Ra's takes a step from his throne, taking Tim's face into his hand. Tim struggles against the hold of the men holding him back, their holding due to their bulk. Ra's had known that the boy was taken by the clown, had known from his daughter that the Detective had gotten him back. He did not know the depths of his injuries though, not until he saw the too pale skin and the insanity in his eyes. Ra's had gone up against the Batman and this Robin, had been impressed with the child's potential. What he saw before him was a dimly veiled mockery of that potential.
Tim laughed, his whole body shaking as relaxed into Ra's touch. "What, great Demon's Head? Want to hear me say it? Why not, I'm sure you've seen this moment for years. Batman's Robin coming to you, giving unto you their loyalty for a chance at immortality within your ranks?" The laughter died, "Damian spoke so highly of you, even as he called you a fool in the next breath. For what it's worth though, he wanted to do this rather than me."
"I am no here to play childish games." Ra's snapped back, letting go of Tim's face and taking a commanding step back. "Why have you come to this place?"
"The Lazarus Pit." Tim spat out, "My service for a chance to clear my mind. That is, if you think it's worth the trade."
"We'll see, Young Detective." Ra's looks to the two brutes restraining the boy, "Take him to a guests' room. Bring him whatever he needs, within reason. He is not to leave without my say so."
"Yes, sir." The two respond in unison, and drag Tim out. The laughter that trails behind him making The Demon's Head shiver.
*** One month later, Sarajevo***
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Talia asks as she stands on the hillside looking over to the burning remains of an abandoned warehouse.
"Yes," Tim responds, head hidden under a hooded sweatshirt. He looks at his companion, "I'm trusting you to keep this quiet. Especially with your son and beloved. They cannot know about this until I want them to."
"You can trust my father and I to your confidence." The older woman responds, looking at the boy who had successfully erased his identity from the world. "Though I do not wish to understand why you wish to do this. I'm sure my son and Bruce would gladly allow you to come back to them."
"I promised myself to you father, Talia, for the use of the Lazarus Pit." Tim says, turning away from the other. "I'm also the only one who can do this. There are lines Batman can never cross, a darkness that even he cannot go into and return from. But me? As Robin I thought that I too could not go there as well, but after everything that line became erased. I'm going to do what he can't, Talia. Even if I become damned..." Tim stops and turns, the green glint in his once pure blue eyes startling Talia for just a moment, "It means that maybe the world is that much safer."
So, yeah... I swear I wasn't going to bring Talia and Ra's in like this.
Let me know how you like my Timmy, or what you don't like (I'm still try to figure him out here).
Also, if anyone has any ideas or what to see something, let me know via my tumblr or PM me. I may or may not use everything, but I'm still building this world and, honestly, I could probably use some help :)
Have a wonderful Saturday,
Hatake K. & Co.