Sunlight flooded into my window, blinding me. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes before squinting to see my old apartment. I was in my old bed. The baby blue blanket spread over my body was warm. Stretching my arms over my head, I yawned before grabbing the covers and throwing them off of me.
Home... I am home... Standing to my feet, I walked quietly from my room, entering the hallway. Everything was so quiet, and for a moment, I wondered if maybe I was the only one home. I saw that Shay's bedroom door was cracked, so I stepped over to it, giving a gentle knock. "Shay?"
Nothing.
Knock, knock, knock! "Shay? You awake?" I called a little louder.
"Nnnnmm." I heard a groan of protest. Laughing lightly, I left her to sleep. Heading for the bathroom, I had a strange feeling looming over me. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.
I was home. And I wasn't sure why that felt so wonderful. I had no recollection of leaving or going anywhere, yet it felt so nice to wake up in my own bed. Like I hadn't slept there in years. It was strange, something tugging at my heart and swirling in my head. Because even though it was a great feeling, something was off.
I was missing something. I wasn't sure what, but I was missing something. It felt like a chunk of my memory, of my life, had just... Vanished. And I couldn't remember it. I couldn't figure out what it was that was bothering me so badly. Confused, I ran my fingers through my dark hair, looking at my reflection in the mirror.
"SPENCERRR!" Cheyenne's voice hit my ears.
"Yessss?" I called, leaving the bathroom, walking over to the guest bedroom that had become her sleeping place. Peeking my head around the door, I grinned when she looked up at me with sleepy eyes.
"I'm hungweee!" She mumbled, her voice still thick with sleep.
"Me too, kiddo. How about some chocolate chip pancakes?" I asked, and she smiled.
"Yea!" Chy nodded excitedly.
"Chocolate chip pancakes it is, then. Why don't you go ahead and get up and get dressed while I make breakfast?" I said and she threw the covers off with a sleepy grin. A smile still plastered on my face, I walked to the kitchen and began grabbing the things I needed to cook breakfast. Turning the stove on, I began mixing the pancake ingredients, adding in the chocolate chips.
The batter sizzled as it hit the hot pan, and the smell was delicious. My stomach growled loudly, and I felt as if I hadn't eaten in weeks. Flipping the pancake, I stood watching, waiting for it to cook through and through. How long had it been since I'd eaten a chocolate chip pancake? It felt like forever, and I couldn't wait to sit down and dig in!
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! The noise coming from the front door made me jump, and I looked at the front door wearily.
"I got it!" Shay came bounding down the hallway, giving me a sly little grin before opening the door. "Hey, sweet thang!"
"Hey, babe." Kevin came in, and gave me a wave. I waved back, but when he shut the door, he must have used more force than he meant to. BAM! The front door slammed, and suddenly, everything came rushing back to me all at once like a bullet shot from a gun.
The apartment and the news. Running for it, Kevin getting killed. The road, the group, the Dixon brothers... The quarry, the CDC, losing people, finding the farm. Hershel, Maggie, Beth... Carl got shot. Oh, God.. It was awful and I was trying to help Rick the best I could. Covered in blood, then the farm. Daryl. Cheyenne.
Then the farm was lost and we ran. The winter was harsh and Cheyenne was bitten. She died, and then the prison, Lori and T-Dog... and then Phillip came along... Andrea... Everyone we lost, every time we tried to fight so hard, and we still lost so much... I dropped the spatula in my hand, and it hit the floor with a CLANG! My hand flew to my chest, and I felt as if I couldn't breathe.
Turning, I saw Kevin slumped on the floor, his back against the wall. His throat was ripped out, his eyes lifeless. Shay was knelt down beside him, shaking his lifeless body. I couldn't hear anything, just a ringing in my ears, but it looked as if she were screaming. My stomach churned, and I ran down the hallway to the guest bedroom.
"Cheyenne? Cheyenne!" I was screaming, but my voice didn't sound like me. It was frantic and coated thick with terror. Entering the doorway, I could see blonde hair poking out from beneath the covers. "Cheyenne?" I whispered, reaching down to grab the blanket.
My hand was shaking, and I hesitated before jerking the covers off of her. My hand flew to my mouth, a sob escaping my lips. Her little head was tilted to the side, a bullet hole in the center. Blood splattered the walls behind her little bed, blood matted in her hair. Brain matter on the walls made me turn quickly from the scene before me.
"NOOOO! NOOOO!" Shay's screams pierced my ears, as I ran back down the hall.
"WHERE IS DARYL?" I yelled, grabbing her arm, snatching her to her feet. "WHERE IS EVERYONE?!"
"I DON'T KNOW! I don't... OH, GOD! I don't know... I don't know.." She knelt back to Kevin's dead body, and I slung open the front door, running outside. The summer morning was warm, but a slight breeze rustled through my hair, as I looked around in tears.
"DARYL?" I screamed, bounding down the stairs. "DARYL!" Looking around the empty parking lot of the apartment, I saw no one. "DARYL! DARYL!" I kept yelling for him, but no answer. Panic began taking me over, as I sprinted across the lot, and around the apartment building. To my surprise, there was a crowd of people gathered around, and I pushed my way through the crowd.
"He came into our home!" The voice made my blood run cold, as I broke through the circle of people, seeing Philip. But what I saw in front of him made my heart hammer in my chest, fear coursing like a drug in my veins.
Daryl was on his knees, his eye black, his face cut and bruised. His arms were tied behind his back and he was glaring, staring straight ahead. Philip was standing behind him, addressing the crowd of people, making one of those famous trick speeches that seemed to fool everyone around him.
"He tried to destroy our town! He must be punished! What do you think is suitable for his crimes?" Philip asked, and the people around me went wild.
"KILL HIM! DEATH! DEATH! KILL! KILL HIM!" The crowd of people were cheering and yelling.
"NOOOO! NO, LET HIM GO!" I shrieked, running forward.
"Grab her!" I heard Philip bark, and suddenly I was jerked backward, two men holding my arms.
"YOU BEST LET HER GO!" Daryl growled, getting to his feet, but Philip hit him in the back of his legs hard with his knee.
"Guess what will happen to her? You won't be around to save her like before." He said coldly, his voice taunting. Standing directly behind Daryl, he grabbed the top of his head with one hand, the other grabbing his chin hard.
"LET HIM GOOO!" I screamed, struggling to free myself. I was pulling and jerking away with every ounce of strength I had, but I couldn't get away. "DON'T! DON'T YOU FUCKIN' TOUCH HIM!"
"Let her go." Philip demanded, and I felt the hands leave my arms, as he jerked his hands hard. SNAP! The sickening sound hit my ears as Daryl's head twisted, his body falling to the ground.
"NOOOOO!" I wailed, running forward, sliding on my knees beside him. The life was draining from his blue green eyes, as gurgling noises escaped his throat. "Daryl, Daryl, Daryl... Daryl.." I kept saying his name as his struggle to breathe ended, and I collapsed against his body. My forehead was against his, and I didn't even realize I was screaming.
"You'll be joining him soon." I heard a voice in my ear, and I reared back hard with my elbow, catching Philip in the chin with a THUD.
"YOU BASTARD!" I growled, but he pushed me hard, sending me to the ground. Jumping back to my feet, I turned to face him, but I saw something from the corner of my eye that made me stop in my tracks. Daryl's foot moved. "Oh, no... Oh, no, no, no..." I knelt back down to him, grabbing his head. It moved with sick flexibility, and I felt tears streaming down my face as his body twitched.
I had nothing on me. No gun, no knife. He was turning, and I had to find a way to stop it. Jumping up, I looked around at the people surrounding me, hoping to see a knife that would be easy to snatch.
I can't let him turn. I can't let him turn. I can't let him turn.
"Spencer." The voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I turned to see Philip grinning. Daryl was moving now, his eyes opening. No longer those beautiful blue green eyes that had burned into mine so many times. They were cloudy and gray, lifeless, dull.. Philip had a snare around his broken neck, jerking him to his feet.
"STOP THIS!" I yelped, stepping back quickly to avoid Daryl's snapping jaws. "STOP! STOP!"
"Spencer! Spencer!"
"STOP!" I yelped, sitting up, nearly hitting my head on the bar above the jail bed.
"Spencer, it's me!" Shay grabbed my arm. "Are you okay?"
"I... I... Bad dream.. Is Daryl back?" I asked worriedly, jumping up and away from her.
"Not yet." Shay said quietly.
"I'm goin' outside for a bit..I need some air." I turned away, leaving my cell. My hands were shaking and I felt sick to my stomach. Bounding down the perch stairs, I ignored everyone who looked up to see me speed walking from the cell block. Exiting the prison, I started toward the fences.
"Spencer? Hey, wait up!" Glenn's voice called out to me, and I tried to calm myself down. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, catching up to me.
"Nothin' just wanna little time to myself, you know." I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to offer a light smile, hoping he wouldn't notice me trembling.
"You sure you're all right?" Glenn pressed, his eyes narrowing.
"Yea, just a bad dream, that's all." I replied. "I'm good."
"Okay, then.." He said softly, as I turned and kept walking toward the fence. The early morning sun was starting to show over the trees, and I noticed Rick out in the field area where they had started setting up for future crops. He was digging around, looking at the ground.
My mind was racing as I looked out at the fences surrounding the prison. Walkers straggled about, the crowds had been growing in numbers a little at a time. We had talked about emergency plans in case of large herds, but they were no match for the prison fences at the moment. I wanted nothing more than to open the gate and go on a walker killing spree. My brain was fried, my thoughts full of images from that stupid dream.
All I could see was Cheyenne dead all over again, and I could hear Shay screaming. The loud snap of Daryl's neck made my stomach flip and churn. I could see him twitching, turning. His cloudy gray eyes so lifeless, like Sophia exiting the barn. The sound of his jaws snapping as he lunged at me, and I couldn't stop it. Couldn't save him.
Any of them. Everyone we'd lost, I couldn't save them. And that dream may have been just a dream... More like nightmare! But still.. It felt so real, and the thought of anything ever happening to Daryl made me crazy. Made me feel as if everything was done, over. It didn't matter anymore, because if anything at all happened to him, that would be it for me. It would be all I could take. I had lost so many already, and I wouldn't know how to recover from losing him.
Pushing away from the fence, I trudged up to the look out, climbing up into the little makeshift watch area. Sitting down, I pulled my knees up to my chest and inhaled deeply. My palms were tingling, my chest felt tight, and I was fighting the urge to burst into tears. It was bad enough having a nightmare like that, but Daryl wasn't even there to assure me he was okay. He was out there, somewhere, and I knew he should be back. He and Sam should both be back by now.
That made everything worse. The dream, the knowing that they were out searching for Philip. Daryl said they wouldn't go far... But, how far did they need to go? Before it was deemed unsafe? For all they knew, Philip could have been watching them leave to go scout the area for him. In all honesty, no one knew where he was, and that was what felt most dangerous. Because he was insane, and after what had become of Woodbury... Revenge was very likely on his brain.
I couldn't stop the images from flooding through my head. The snap of Daryl's neck replayed over and over, the sound making my stomach churn. Fighting my sick stomach, I wrapped my arms around my knees tight, rocking slightly. Now was the time to think of happy thoughts, but I couldn't. All I could see was Daryl coming toward me, his eyes cloudy... And gray, dull... Lifeless. It was more than I could stand, as I buried my head into my knees.
Please stop! Think of somethin' else, anything else! Daryl's eyes... His eyes, those sweet blue green eyes that are so difficult to see through, 'til you finally do. Then it's easy. So, so easy. All I gotta do is look in those eyes and I know. I know whatever it is he wants me to know. And even what he doesn't wanna show... I can see it. Please don't ever go.. Don't go..
Footsteps made my head jerk up, and I glanced over when I heard someone coming up the ladder. Brown hair appeared, then his face, those gorgeous blue eyes looking over at me. I wanted to jump for joy, tackle him, attack him with hugs and kisses.. But all I could do was watch him climb up onto the look out area, his eyes questioning mine.
"You're back." I managed to croak out, as he sat down beside me.
"Yea." He said quietly, studying my face.
"Oh, thank God!" I breathed, lurching forward to grab him. "Is Sam okay?" I asked, my arms around his neck, his head against my chest.
"Fine." He muttered gruffly.
"Daryl.." I couldn't say anything else, just held him tight, never wanting to let go. He allowed me to hold onto him for a few moments, before he pushed me off gently, staring at me.
"Jesus, girl. What's wrong with you?" He asked teasingly. "Only gone a couple of days."
"Couple days too long." I mumbled, grabbing his face. Taking a breath, I inhaled the scent of him, before resting my forehead against. "I was worried. Missed you."
"Shay said you had a nightmare or somethin'." Daryl's hand went to the back of my neck, tangling in my hair.
"Yea." I whispered, leaning into him a little harder.
"Wanna talk about it?" He pressed, and I pulled away, my hands still on his face.
"You know somethin'? Your eyes are... Amazin'."
"Hn." He grunted, watching me.
"Dreamed that Philip snapped your neck right in front of me, waited for you to turn, then tried to get you to rip me apart. So, no.. I don't really wanna talk about it."
"Just a bad dream." Daryl pulled me down to him, positioning me into his lap. "Ain't goin' nowhere."
"But it felt so real.." I mumbled into his neck. "Just... Glad you're home."
Daryl pulled me closer, kissing the side of my head. For a moment, it felt like I could breathe again. I was leaned against him, my back against his chest, his arms around me. The morning was cool, but he was radiating warmth. His body began to relax, and he felt like home to me. He was everything I would ever need, the only one that could get me through this shit hole world.
"Spence?" His gruff voice said my name in only a way Dixon could.
"Hm?" I asked, closing my eyes, soaking him up into me.
"Missed you while we were gone.. I was worried." Daryl admitted, and I huffed out a tiny laugh.
"Daryl Dixon? Worried? Well...ain't that somethin'?" I teased, a light smile creeping onto my face.
"Imma show you somethin'!" Daryl growled, suddenly grabbing me tight, kissing my neck. His breath was warm and tickling my skin, as I cringed, trying to shy away. He held me tight, his nose rubbing against my collar bone, and I shivered. Turning to him, our noses barely touching, I watched his eyes.
They were sweet. Those blue green eyes. Though his eyes were always hard, and borderline cold, in that moment I could see the softness that came out to play ever so often. And God, it was like a breath of fresh air. It was something I craved in him, and when he let me have it... It was so sweet. He was everything that I needed to stay grounded. He wouldn't let me float away into nothing.
I leaned forward, kissing him a little rougher than I had planned to. His hand flew to the back of my neck, tangling in my hair, as he returned the kiss. My head was spinning, and I felt dizzy from the pace of our kissing, as I grabbed his shoulders for support. I was on my knees again, leaning down slightly to kiss him, and he started pulling me closer to him.
I wasn't sure we could even get much closer, as I slid my hands up his shoulders to his neck. His right hand was still tangled in my hair, his left on my lower back, pulling me to him. The kisses had become softer, and the fact that such a rugged man could be so gentle was amusing. I smiled against his lips, knowing that no matter what, he was here. With me, through it all. And I'd never let him go.
I'm sooo sorry for the long update wait, but I have been hella busy ! Work is killing me, and we just adopted a puppy ! Her name is Spencer... Haha.
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter for updates and promo pics for my stories ! My twitter handle is kailabrittFF or just look up Kaila Murphy.
I am so excited to get into this fourth season. I cannot WAIT ! I'm just dreading a death... We all know. I can't deal.
Thank you all again for constant favs and follows, despite my updating taking forever. Thank you for sticking with these stories, and dealing with my slow ass updates. Every READ/REVIEW/FAVORITE/FOLLOW is very greatly appreciated ! Thank you guys ! You're all amazing.
~Kaila