A/N: I said I wasn't going to be updating this one regularly, but there's something about being done with something in one shot that's super satisfying.
This one probably falls more along the cute spectrum than the funny one, but oh well….
Chapter Two:
Princes and balls and Cursed jewelry, Oh my
Or
Trust, lacking it isn't just for villains anymore!
It is a truth universally acknowledged that no well-adjusted, lovingly nurtured, or socially accepted person ever became a villain.
After all why would you need to exact a bloody, fiery revenge on people who already respect and accept you?
Therefore, as a mal-adjusted, un-nurtured, socially deficient person you might have trouble with many aspects of life others find easy. Things such as trust, not making everything about you, and not seeing a reason to exact bloody, fiery revenge in every breath breathed or eye blinked by another human being.
Heroes, as you have had ample opportunity to observe, excel at these areas of life. It may well be that unerring ability to trust others and see only the best in them which brought the hero of your affections into your life.
However I urge you to remember that even the most appallingly upstanding do-gooder can falter from time to time.
Therefore I offer one seemingly tiny insight which I promise will be of great importance in your 'mixed' relationship.
Trust is hard for everyone…but it makes the world go round.
Oh I know, it's harder than it sounds.
It opens you to hurt. It goes against everything you believe in. You might even fear it's the gateway emotion to other harder more unsavory emotions like kindness, compassion, or a general desire for the wellbeing of your fellow man.
I assure you I'm not asking you to become a benevolence junkie. But I can personally vouch for how important it is.
Oh… and when giving your heroic other half gifts, especially family heirlooms passed from one evil generation to the other, remember to make sure they don't 'do' anything first. (Call that a bit of bonus advice) ….
"Because I'd look spectacular in a crown."
Giggles turned into gasps as my as my teeth nipped Sofia's neck and my hand slid under her voluminous skirts.
"You would, but no." the giggle was back, even as elegant fingers slipped into my hair.
"Think how regal Wormwood would look perched on the back of a throne!"
Tiny kisses traveled to her shoulder until they met the stiff taffeta of her sleeve.
"So regal, he can perch on mine anytime he pleases." Sofia's other hand began fiddling with the tie to my robe.
In the month since I'd sent Sofia's evil copy back to the fiery hell she belonged in and won the heart of my blindingly virtuous princess, it had become my favorite game. Coming up with reasons why Sofia should give me the amulet so I could take over the kingdom already.
That acerbic sense of humor she possessed allowed her to take it all in jest, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't secretly hope one day I might hit on a reason that would actually convince her. I'd never take it from her. I loved her too much to ever hurt her like that, but if she happened to give it to me… well it's just plain rude not to accept a gift isn't it!
"I would make you my queen," I looked up at her as I began kissing the ample cleavage pushed up by her corset.
She whimpered, her eyes slipping shut and her had falling back even as she gave it a little shake.
"I'm not all that enamored with being a Princess, so no."
The hand under her skirts slid higher, grasping the point where her thigh met her delectable bottom.
"You wouldn't have to attend anymore of Amber's ridiculous balls, or dance with anymore spoiled brat princes."
Sofia's head snapped back up and she leaned away from me. Just far enough so we could see each other's faces clearly.
"I like Amber's balls and I like to dance, and I enjoy spending time with my friends. Just because I like all those things doesn't mean I don't love you."
I could feel my face going dark as the huff left my mouth.
"Yes but for how long? One day one of those boys is going to turn your head with his youth and beauty and kingdom and then what will I do?"
Sofia's legs tightened around my hips, crumpling her beautiful watery blue gown even more, as her hands slipped under my robe to rest on my chest. Her lips came down on mine, forcing me to tip my head back to fully accept her kiss.
When she'd finished sliding her tongue against mine and rubbing her breasts against my chest, and generally assaulting me with her perfection, she looked at me with an earnest, if exasperated expression.
"I don't give my heart in pieces Cedric and I don't loan it out either. You aren't practice for someone else. Do we understand each other?"
Her hand gripped the back of my neck again, forcefully holding my head in place, so I could read her sincerity.
"We do."
Then her lips were on mine again, hard and possessive, just the way I liked it.
"Good, now I have to get downstairs. I'm supposed to be in the ballroom already."
I smiled up at her as she gracelessly pushed and teetered her way off my lap. The dress was so heavy it could have been a second person.
Before she could walk away though, I grabbed her hand, making her turn back to me.
Opening the drawer of my worktable I pulled out the box which had been sitting there for a few days now, waiting for the right time.
Taking out the bracelet inside, I slipped it on her wrist.
"Cedric?" There was surprise and a little bit of awe in her voice as she moved her wrist in different ways to make the lovely amethysts twinkle in their white gold setting.
"It belonged to my mother's mother. My grandfather gave it to her when he confessed his love. I asked my mother for it when I was at Mystic Meadows the other day.
If we can't shout from the rooftops then will you at least wear it while you dance with all those disgustingly handsome, revoltingly rich men? That way, when I see it twinkling on your wrist, I'll know you're mine."
A smile broke out on her face and there was a single tear forming in the corner of her eye, threatening to ruin the dark substance she used to line her eyes. Leaning down she took my face in both of her hands and kissed me softly, with all her love. Also the way I liked it.
"Yes. And Cedric, we won't have to hide forever. We'll find a way to tell my parents soon, and then I will personally drag you to the roof of the castle!"
With that she was gone.
Straightening my clothes I retied my robe and grabbed my family wand.
The King was adamant everything go off perfectly tonight. This was Amber and James' coming of age ball and there would be princes and princesses galore looking to ingratiate themselves, hoping to win the attention of Enchancia's incredibly attractive twin royals.
I had a particularly dark moment days before in the King's study when, after giving me my marching orders, Rolland smiled confidentially and informed me he was also hoping the youngest Princess might garner some attention to.
"She isn't royal by birth, but beaut y and grace go a long way and Sofia has those in spades."
It was all I could do not shove my wand right into his mouth and out the other side.
"Yes, unfortunately she also has brains, wit, and self-determination. Things none of those entitled, mentally deficient brats are man enough to value in a bride!" I mumbled to myself.
"What was that Cedric?" The Kings face took on a decidedly more stern expression.
"Ohh, nothing your majesty. I was just thinking aloud about what magic tricks might impress such rarified company." My tone was at its most obsequious as I bowed my way out of the room.
When I entered the ballroom, Baileywick was just announcing Amber and James.
His Royal Highness Crowned Prince James of Enchancia and her Royal Highness Princess Amber of Enchancia!
The assembled guests let out a loud cheer as the birthday twins took their place at the top of each of the balcony staircases.
The spotlight hit James and he bowed dashingly to the crowd, then a second hit Amber and she curtseyed alluringly.
Taking my cue I made it rain sparkling glitter on the crowd. Silver on James' side and gold on Amber's as they began walking down the steps.
When they reached the bottom they each chose a partner from the bevy of Princes and Princesses and began to dance.
After the first dance, everyone took to the floor and I saw Sofia out of the corner of my eye being accosted by that brat prince she used to do enchanted ice dancing with.
Despite Sofia's heartrending words I felt myself growing cold with anger.
The boy…Hugo, he was trouble.
Anyone could see it if they would just look past his good looks and wealth.
He was a spoiled punk accustomed to getting his way. He relentlessly pursued Sofia not because he recognized how amazing she was, and not because he truly liked her, but because she wouldn't give him the time of day.
He'd never been told no by anyone. So her constant refusals were like fuel thrown on his desire to conquer her.
He was holding Sofia too tightly and leaning into her face too closely. I could see the consternation written all over her even as he completely ignored it.
I had half a mind to turn him into a toad in front of everyone.
He had begun twirling Sofia when, in a move which seemed somewhat peculiar for someone who could dance on a tiny blade of steel, the prince lost his footing rather spectacularly! Sofia let go of his hand just in time for the boy to spin out of control, knocking into the couples closest to him.
By the time he managed to stop his momentum he'd sent half the ballroom to their bottoms like a game of living dominos!
Surveying the damage he'd caused, Hugo turned a lovely shade of tomato red and fled in shame, leaving Sofia standing alone in the middle of his mess.
She looked up and turned a single raised eyebrow on me.
I only shrugged, a smile on my face. Letting her know I hadn't been responsible even I'd thoroughly enjoyed watching the whole thing.
She grimaced, but then began helping the people around her back to their feet, inquiring in her sweet, genuine way if everyone was unhurt.
Once everyone was back on their feet, the orchestra began to play again. She wasn't even off the dance floor before another young prince had bounded up to her.
This one I didn't know by name, but he was blond, slightly stocky, perpetually timid, and was always following Sofia around like a puppy dog whenever he managed to find a reason to be here.
They began to dance and, if it were possible, I felt my jealousy transform from cold anger to white hot rage.
He might not be as handsome as Prince twinkle toes or as rich, but he was making her laugh…a lot.
The dance ended but they didn't part. Instead they started a new one together, this one decidedly slower and more intimate.
They were still laughing and talking animatedly when they passed close to the open balcony doors.
What happened next seemed as if it had come straight from a morbid dreamscape.
A swarm of cicadas flew into the room, causing everyone to scream. Ladies and even many of the men began ducking and cowering in terror while a brave few tried to swat them away.
Baileywick was positively pirouetting across the room, bug swatter in hand, when the whole swarm seemed to coalesce and concentrate their attention on Sofia's dance partner.
Sofia moved out of the way just in time.
The young prince however stood paralyzed by fright as they all began attacking him. The paralysis finally gave way after a few grotesquely entertaining moments and he began running around the ballroom knocking into tables, overturning food and drinks, and generally running nowhere fast as he pleaded for help.
Which he got… in the form of Baileywick rushing up to beat the bugs, and the Prince under them, with his swatter.
Sofia turned to me again and I could see hellfire on her face.
Waving my wand, I sent a gust of wind through the ballroom blowing the bugs out window, while Baileywick held on to the prince with all his might so he wouldn't end up going with them.
As I used magic to put the room back to rights, Sofia went running to the now collapsed Prince, pulling his head into her lap and trying to revive him.
Once she was sure he'd be alright, she began to stalk over to the stairs, and I knew I was about to get an earful.
Normally I might have met her gaze sheepishly, but this time I knew I wasn't at fault.
Before she could get to me, Baileywick came bounding up the stairs, nearly knocking her over.
"Cedric the king wants you to do the magic show now, before anything else has a chance to go wrong." I nodded, following the out breath steward back down.
"I swear it's not me!" I whispered as I passed her, but the huff of breath I heard behind me suggested I had not convinced her.
A triumphant hour later, my magic show was over. All my spells had gone swimmingly, and no prince in Sofia's vicinity had managed to get hurt.
The music began again and before I knew what was happening I was pulled to the floor by a less than happy looking Princess.
"I thought we cleared this up upstairs, Cedric!" She whispered through gritted teeth.
"I told you, it's not me. I'm innocent as a newborn babe." I gave her the single most honest look of my life. The only honest look I'd ever given anyone that was actually honest.
"Then what's going on? It's like every guy who gets close to me ends up nearly getting killed tonight."
"Yes, well I wish I could say I'm sorry about that, but you did tell me you value honesty in a partner. So I'm thrilled, I only wish one of them had gone up in flames."
Sofia snorted at that and gave me a little smile.
"I shouldn't find your jealousy as much of a turn on as I do." She confessed from lowered lids.
Knowing I couldn't explore this change in topic properly with a ballroom full of people around us, I tilted her chin up as we moved.
"Well, I seem to be faring better than your last two partners. Have you considered the possibility it was just a series of unfortunate coincidences? Sometimes odd things happen in sequence, it doesn't mean their related to each other."
She shrugged at that and the dance ended.
Bowing to her I led her off the floor and straight into Prince James.
"Hey Sof, I could use a break from being assessed for monetary value. Wanna dance?"
Sofia nodded her head and I relaxed knowing this was the only young prince here tonight I didn't have to be jealous of.
They began to twirl around the floor gracefully, laughing and talking through a first dance and into another one without incident.
I was just preparing to leave the ballroom when the first scream ripped through the air.
I turned just in time to see one of the large draperies catch fire…from being touched by the tales of James' coat…which were in flames from having touched one of the braziers as they'd passed to close in the dance.
Sofia and James were struggling with his coat while pandemonium broke out around them.
"Aquas showeress decendio" I shouted, making a raincloud the width of the ballroom and sending torrents of water down on everyone. The flames began to dampen into smoke, but the rain also caused the floor to become a veritable lake. People slipping and falling all over each other in their haste to be out of the room.
By the time the fire was out everyone was soaked in huddles on the floor. Amber was wailing in tears at her ruined debut. Sofia was helping a thankfully unhurt James to his feet. And the King was sputtering utterly inadequate apologies to his guests.
To say James and Ambers' coming of age ball would never be forgotten is probably a rather large understatement!
An hour later I was drying off from a warm bath when the door to my tower opened without a knock and banged shut.
Wrapping the towel around my waist, I ran up the stone steps into the main room to find a still soaking Sofia in her ruined ball gown.
We both seemed to stop, staring at each other appraisingly for a moment.
"You…you have tattoos," her voice was shaky as she pointed to them like I might have forgotten where they were.
"You're still wet." I returned.
"I must be cursed!" She blurted out, bursting into tears and rushing into my arms. The force of her body hitting mine nearly dislodged the towel.
"Oh love, I don't see how that could possibly be? If you were cursed wouldn't the bad things happen to you? Unless the amulet has suddenly developed a sense of humor." I couldn't help but chuckle, possibly the worst reaction I could have had because she only began crying harder.
"What else could it be? James and Ambers' ball was completely ruined, and three of my dance partners nearly died tonight!" She wailed.
"Well, I don't think the blond boy was in too much danger, Cicadas are harmless really. It wasn't like they could have buzzed him to death. He was probably more hurt by Baileywick's rescuing."
A sparkling caught my attention.
The picture of my parents started to light and swirl and suddenly my mother was in the room with us.
"Mummy! What are you doing here?" I sputtered holding Sofia a little tighter, trying not to let my mother see my state of undress.
"Oh Cedi darling, I couldn't help overhearing. I'm so glad the bracelet is working out so well."
Sofia and I both froze.
"The bracelet, mummy what are you talking about?"
Oh no…no,no,no,no, NOOOOOOOOO!
My mum only laughed her deceptive, sweet old lady laugh and patted me on the back.
"Well that's why you wanted it wasn't it, to make sure no one else touched Sofia?"
Sofia backed away from me now a look of utter rage on her face.
"You gave me a cursed bracelet?!"
I looked from my mum to Sofia and back in complete shock.
"No! I swear, I had no idea!"
Sofia scoffed at that yanking the bracelet from her wrist and throwing it at my feet.
"Don't even try to lie to me again Cedric. You said yourself, when we were dancing, you wished one of my partners would go up in flames and not ten minutes later James was almost roasted to death! That's an oddly convenient sequence of unrelated events wouldn't you say?
With that she turned on her drenched heels and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
"Sofia, wait!" I yelled, to no avail, before turning to my mother in a rage of my own. "Mother, you knew it was cursed!"
"Well of course Cedikins. I thought that's why you wanted it. It has a repulsion curse on it, has ever since my dearly departed father hexed it all those years ago to make of your grandmum's other suitors stop pursuing her. She probably only had it on for a day or two before every man in her village knew coming near her was detrimental to their health.
Of course Sofia is a very beautiful, popular princess. It might take one or two more balls before all her suitors realize they should leave off. But don't worry, I should think by next year you'll have eliminated all the competition. Of course it only works if she's wearing it. You have to go tell her to put it back on."
"Mummy! She isn't going to put it back on! In fact she's probably never going to speak to me again. The bracelet almost killed her brother! The bracelet I gave her!
Merlin's mushrooms even when I'm not trying to do something bad, I do something bad anyway. I didn't know it was cursed. I just wanted to give her something to tell her how much I love her."
I slumped onto the floor next to the cursed piece of jewelry.
"Ohhh, Cedi darling I am sorry. I forget she's not like us is she?"
With that paltry apology my mother poofed out of the room leaving me to fall apart alone.
I had no idea how long I sat there before I began to shiver. Finally the discomfort broke through the numbness and forced me to pick myself up.
Going downstairs I discarded the towel in favor of a pair of flannel pants. Setting a fire in the grate I collapsed onto the bed, spread eagle, staring sightlessly at the ceiling.
A single month.
"Well what did you expect, you bumbling sod? That you would marry the most spectacular woman in the world and live happily ever after? You're a villain, you ruin other people's happily ever afters you don't get one yourself!"
Even that wasn't true. Villains didn't ruin happily ever after's, they died terrible, well deserved deaths a few lines before those words appeared at the end of every fairytale.
I didn't even think I'd get that.
I would end a footnote in Sofia's story. A bad mistake, blessedly discovered before too much heartache ensued.
Only my life was over.
Suddenly the bed dipped.
Turning red rimmed eyes I came face to face with my Princess.
She looked about as good as I did.
No, even cried out and tear streaked she was breathtaking. Damn her.
She must have been waiting for me to react.
When I didn't she crawled over to me, her billowy nightgown brushing against my chest as she leaned down, tentatively, almost timidly, and pressed her lips to mine.
"Your mother explained everything." She whispered.
"What?" I felt sure I hadn't heard that right.
"You're mother appeared in my room about ten minutes after I stormed out of here and explained you didn't know the bracelet was cursed. That you just wanted to give me something special to tell me how you felt, no nefarious ulterior intentions.
I'm sorry I doubted you."
My hand came up to cup her cheek as we kissed again.
"I wouldn't try to kill your brother." I said earnestly, leaving off the rest of that sentence, which when fully spoken would have gone something to the effect of… 'I wouldn't try to kill your brother, if I could toast anyone like a royal marshmallow I'd be singing campfire songs over your father.'
(We'll cover the difference between omitting and lying in a future chapter.)
"I'm so sorry, Cedric. Can you forgive me?" Sofia's eyes were liquid blue and fearful.
"Do you really have to ask? Honestly I can't blame you really, it's probably something I would have done not all that long ago.
What are you doing to me Sofia? I feel like I'm losing myself in your fathomless goodness."
She smiled as a few tears slipped down her face.
"I'm just loving you Cedric. Not very well tonight, but overall I'm just loving you."
"Oh…no one's ever done that before."
Her lips descended again and then she was in my arms, in my bed, warm and soft and sweet and still mine….