A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone who's been kind enough to review this story, it means so much! I'm sorry this took so long. Once I get an idea I manage to write it pretty fast, but coming up with (hopefully) cute, non-angsty stories appears to be a real challenge for me.
Also I wasn't sure if Rapunzel's parents are the first king and queen of Corona or not, but for the purposes of this story let's pretend they're not.
Chapter Four:
The Ol' Switchawhichitous Switcheroo
Or
Don't Let Old Habits Die Too Easily
Despite all the changes you've been making and all the evil you've indefinitely relegated to the backburner, I'm sure you've realized by now, when you and your hero are together nothing could be more wonderful!
It's the rest of the time that can be trying. The times when you're forced to be a part of their goody-goody world of cookies, unicorns, and light.
Not only is all that sugar, dander, and UV radiation bad for you, it's just plain depressing too!
It can sometimes feel like you're the only sane person among a bunch manic, do-gooding fliegals intent on pushing everyone to be HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY… or else!
Don't despair. I promise if you look hard enough you'll find you aren't the only one sitting among the nutty pixies longing for just a taste of the checkered past.
I urge you to seek those people out. You'll need each other. And you may be surprised to find out their company can show you good new ways to be the old bad you….
"Land Ho!"
The cry went up and suddenly a hundred sailors were buzzing by us, ruining what had been the perfect end to a perfect night: Sofia and me on the prow of Enchancia's royal barge, standing far too close together, watching the sun come up.
"I guess it couldn't last forever." She sighed wistfully before peaking round, making sure everyone's attention was elsewhere.
Then her lips were pressed against my cheek, giving me a soft kiss that lasted far too long to be anything close to platonic or proper.
"We still have the return voyage." I reminded her, itching to put my arms around her.
I knew I couldn't, not with everyone up and about, but I was consoled knowing we'd have at least a few more nights like last night.
They'd be entirely worth the wait.
"I'll hold you to that." She was all teasing seduction, twisting a damp ringlet around her index finger and staring up at me with beckoning eyes.
"Sea monster's honor!" I swore holding up three fingers.
That got a giggle.
"Is that a thing?"
I sneered at her wickedly, before leaning down so my lips brushed the delicate shell of her ear.
"It is when you get to spend the night swimming with the most beautiful mermaid in the seventeen seas!" (And tangling her up in kelp and kissing her while she pretends she wants to get free-even though you both know she really, really doesn't- and….)
"Sofia!"
We bolted apart to see Princess Amber gracefully navigating her way along the deck in our direction.
"Morning Amber!" Sofia smiled sunnily as we turned to face her, one hand sneaking back to squeeze my own where they were hidden by the folds of her dress.
"Sofia are you…wet?" Amber looked at her horrified, as though there could be nothing worse than getting saltwater in one's hair.
"Oh, yeah the… water was a little wild earlier, we got… splashed." Sofia explained, the emphasis she put on some of her words completely lost on her sister.
"Oh, Good morning Cedric." Amber gave me a small nod, as though she'd only just noticed I was there. "Well, you'd better go and change, and quickly. Captain Vasquez says we'll be dropping anchor in less than a half hour." Amber looked Sofia up and down appraisingly and then grabbed her arm. "Come on, I'll help you. You don't want to be anything less than perfect when we meet princess Rapunzel!" Amber sing-songed the last words, her excitement making Sofia smile.
"Thanks Amber." They started walking away, Amber practically dragging her, but just before they disappeared below decks Sofia turned back and gave me a wanton smile.
"Poseidon help me." I gulped.
.o~O*O~o.o~O*O~o.o~O*O~o.
"King Rolland, Queen Miranda, Prince James, Princess Amber, and Princess Sofia of Enchancia, and their Royal Sorcerer Cedric the Sensational!"
Two hours later we were standing on the steps of the Royal Palace of Corona, being formally introduced.
Rolland and the King of Corona shared a manly greeting that was a rather silly combination of a handshake and a hug, the queens shared a real embrace, and Princess Rapunzel curtsied to Amber solemnly before turning to the youngest princess.
"Sofia!" Rapunzel's voice lost all decorum as she squealed girlishly and threw her arms around my princess.
"Rapunzel!" Sofia returned her enthusiasm and the two women sort of jumped and hugged at the same time, while everyone but me looked on astonished.
My actual memories of the Princess Ivy debacle were spotty at best, but Sofia had filled me in on the particulars long ago.
As I understood things it was the first of many times the Amulet had called Rapunzel to give Sofia advice. Looking at the two princesses beaming at one another I could see why. They were both of them pure sunshine. Radiating kindness, innocence, and love in waves that threatened to blind the rest of us. The amulet seemed to have realized, being so alike, Sofia would be best understood by this particular princess.
Rapunzel and Sofia were just pulling apart when another figure came bounding down the steps, straightening his dress jacket and finger combing his hair as he went.
"Eugene, how good of you to join us!" The king said, lifting an eyebrow in his son-in-law's direction, a look that managed to be both judgmental and indulgent all at the same time.
"Think nothing of it your Majesty. I wouldn't dream of missing the kingdom's big 1-0-0." The Prince replied nonchalantly, giving him a rakish smirk, before stepping up to shake hands with Rolland and James.
I thought we were finished with the introductions and prepared to move on when the Princess unexpectedly threw her arms around me.
"It's good to see you again Mr. Cedric!" Rapunzel said, somewhat shockingly.
The hug lasted only a second but left me stammering embarrassedly all the same.
"Oh…well, I'm…that is…" deep breath old boy, "I'm honored your highness." I finally managed.
Rapunzel just winked at me and then we were moving into the castle.
Corona's jubilee celebration was a whirlwind event lasting three days. Today's activities included greeting the royal family, get settled in, attending a stuffy welcome dinner, and enduring an endlessly boring ball.
Dinner was the usual royal affair with far too much food and far too little stimulating conversation. Being only a royal sorcerer, which put me above the other servants but decidedly below nobility, I was relegated to one of the back tables in the banquet hall. Something I found both insulting and relieving at the same time.
It meant I was being publically humbled but it also gave me a comfortably anonymous seat from which to watch Sofia, who sat in a place of honor at Rapunzel's right side.
The two women talked animatedly through dinner, smiling and laughing, beaming their sunshine around the room so no one really noticed or cared when the actual sun set.
All the while Amber watched with barely concealed jealously from her spot farther down the head table. Apparently Rapunzel was something of a childhood heroine of Ambers and seeing Sofia favored instead of her was causing Enchancia's eldest princess to lose her humor.
I couldn't say I felt sorry for her, but I did have an amusing few minutes contemplating what might have happened if the amulet had chosen Amber instead of Sofia.
After dinner the true torture began.
I hated balls, even ones I wasn't expected to perform at. I might have hated them more because there was nothing for me to do except stand in a corner and watch everyone else looking comfortably at ease while they enjoyed each other's insufferable company.
After Sofia and I danced the single dance I thought we could get away with without rousing suspicion, I took a glass of hundred year old wine from one of the serving maids and planted myself in a gloomy corner. Far away from both the dancing and the refreshments, I hoped I could disappear into the wall hanging until all this was over.
"I hate these things." A voice declared from my right, seeming to have materialized out of nowhere.
Turning slightly, I saw Prince Eugene, clearly already tipsy, a stain from one of the many sauces at dinner decorating the dead center of his perpetually disheveled dress coat, and a look like someone who hadn't realized Stockholm syndrome was an option painting his face.
"Hmm, I can't say I enjoy them much myself."
"They're so…boring!" His words were emphatic if slightly slurred and I found myself drawn into talking with him for what reason I had no idea.
"I've never understood the genteel predilection to crowd into a room that's much to hot and spend the evening blabbering about nothing while stepping on each other's feet.
"You know, if these were the old days, and I could manage sneak my way into a shindig like this, I'd be having so much fun." He laughed, taking a large swallow from his goblet, causing him to sway a bit unsteadily on his feet.
With that, Prince Eugene, destined to be King Consort of Corona, reformed miscreant and upstanding member of one of the worlds most respected royal families, proceeded to tell me in painstaking detail how he would abscond with the necklaces, rings, tiaras, medals and wallets of almost everyone who danced by us.
Drawing my wand from its pocket in my sleeve, I turned to him and gave a small, wicked leer.
"Yes well if these were the old days…." A bit of power dribbled off the end of my wand to fall to the floor as green smoke.
"Whoo!" The prince's eyes widened momentarily before his brows knitted together in a frown. "But here we both are, standing in a corner being as good as door mice.
Both of our eyes went to the center of the dance floor where Sofia and Rapunzel were dancing together, talking and laughing and generally making the whole room fall in love with them.
"They sure are worth it though aren't they, even if sometimes you wish you could do something just a little bit bad."
Lulled by the conversation, I nodded before realizing what I'd just done.
Prince Eugene must have seen my eyes pop out of my head, because all of the sudden I was being clapped on the back.
"Relax Cedric. You can see their simpatico. I know all about you and Sofia."
I looked at him, my incredulity plain in the way my jaw was now polishing the marble floor.
"There was that thing with the evil copy and you two had your 'get together cute' and I guess the amulet called Rapunzel to give some good advice. Some words of wisdom about how good girls can make it work with bad boys yada yada yada."
The prince put his index finger under my jaw and helped me close my mouth.
"So, do you want to get out of here?" He asked, as though he'd just had a stroke of genius.
It was my turn to raise an eyebrow at him, but he only responded with that smirk that raised one entire side of his face charmingly.
"I know a place. Meet me out front in ten minutes. I going to bring the horse and the frog, otherwise Rapunzel will worry."
Sometime later we were walking through the door of a peculiar little place that looked as though it was going to fall on its own front any second: The Snuggly Duckling.
Eugene was barely over the threshold when a cheer went up, only to die down almost immediately.
"Where's blondy?" Came from several of the less than reputable looking patrons, the bartender, and the one-handed man somehow playing the piano.
"Guys! It's great to see all of you too!" He said, sounding enthusiastic and sarcastic all at the same time. "It's boys night out, so no princesses. This here is Cedric, he's a sorcerer, so you know…at your own peril."
"EUGENE!" They all cheered suddenly, looking more wary of me than happy to see him.
"Aw, I knew you guys cared." Pulling me over to a table in the corner, he motioned to the barkeep. "Garson two tankards of your very best!"
When the 'very best' arrived I briefly wondered if perhaps I should refuse, but several mugs later it seemed a rather churlish, uppity thought I was glad I'd ignored.
"You know who has it good?" Eugene was working on his fourth, or fifth, gesticulating wildly with both hands as ale sloshed onto the table between us. "Robin Hood, he gets to steal and do all sorts of illegal things and everyone loves him, freakin' bastard."
"Yes," I said, darkly, drawing the single syllable out. "Well it just goes to show you what happens when you're born noble. All your misdeeds get painted with a rosy brush."
"Exactly! It's totally unfair! I've stolen waaaayyy more money than he ever has! Is anyone writing ballads about me? NO, freakin' bastards!"
We went on in that fashion for a while when the doors to the duckling swung open and group of enormous looking men came in laughing malevolently.
The room became hushed as they were quickly served and began talking excitedly.
"Here's for your troubles." One of them said tossing the barkeep a diamond ring.
"You guys pull a job tonight?"
The others began to crowd around the group.
"Heist of the century," the same thief answered. "The royal jubilee!"
Everyone became still at that as another of them produced two things which made Eugene and I freeze. A crown with three huge teardrop diamonds at the center, and a large purple jewel on a necklace.
"You robbed Princess Rapunzel?" The man at the piano asked.
"The whole party." The words were no sooner out of the thief's mouth than he, and the rest of the heisters of the century, seemed to realize this wasn't the place to crow about something like that.
"You didn't hurt the Princess did you?" A man with a large nose asked, threat clear in his voice.
Eugene and I were completely still in our corner, neither of us daring even to breath as we waited for the answer.
"No, no we didn't. We didn't hurt anyone. Well we roughed up our fair share of palace guards, but all the hoity toities are just fine. We just made them all a few pounds lighter if you know what I mean."
"You're going to be a few pounds lighter when we're done with you," The one armed pianist bit out.
A moment later there was chaos.
When the dust cleared the thieves had managed to escape, the duckling was in ruins, and Eugene was surprisingly sober.
Turning to the chameleon who'd been sitting on his shoulder the entire time he gave remarkably coherent instructions.
"Pascal head back to the castle with Max and make sure Rapunzel and Sofia are okay. Tell them to hang tight. We'll be back by morning."
The chameleon nodded. How he was going to relay any of that I had no idea, but they both seemed confident it was a sound course of action so I remained silent.
Once the little green messenger was gone, the prince turned back to me.
"Um, you know, Rapunzel doesn't like it when I steal." He said, something in the tone of his voice.
"Sofia doesn't like it when I…indulge my less than upstanding impulses either." I answered back cautiously.
"Of course stealing is when you take something that doesn't belong to you …."
Sneering happily I took my wand out and began twirling it between my fingers.
"Indeed, it could hardly be called stealing if you're merely taking something back from someone it didn't belong to anyway."
"I like the way you think Cedric!"
"I'm honored your Highness." I replied as we both let out less than wholesome laughter.
"Come on, let's go find 'em!" He said, jumping up from his chair with all the enthusiasm of a toddler told there's birthday cake nearby.
"If I may," I said, remaining sitting. "There are far better ways to go about this than running off blindly into the night."
Prince Eugene raised an eyebrow curiously, until he saw my wand light.
Our interaction had gained the attention of a few of the ducklings battered occupants, who began drawing near.
"Do you have a map?" I asked the bartender.
There was some rummaging and some ale spilling and a few more punches were thrown but eventually a map was placed in front of me.
"North to south, east to west, show me where the Amulet of Avalor finds its rest."
"The amulet of Avalor?" One of the thieves looked at me with blatant curiosity.
"Yes, big white diamond set in a bracelet, you can't miss it when you see it." I said, nonchalantly as the Prince coughed into his ale.
On the table, a beam of green light was making its way around the map before stopping and making a small 'x' about three miles from the Duckling.
"There it is!"
"Let's go!" Eugene said, jumping up again.
This time I followed only to realize we weren't going alone. The prince and I both turned round wearing identical expressions of shock to see everyone from the duckling was pouring out behind us.
"Hey, no one steals from blondy!" The big nosed one said.
Why they continued to call Rapunzel blondy after all these years I hadn't the slightest clue but it seemed to make Eugene smile.
"Come on guys, let's have a little fun. I promise, pardons for everyone!"
While I'd never been a common criminal I had to admit I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Not only was I getting to indulge in a bit of wickedness, but the men from the duckling clearly thought my sorcery was awe inspiring, and I wouldn't even be in trouble for any of this when we got back!
It was a win, win, win if ever there was one.
A little later we were drawing around the clearing my spell had marked.
The thieves were dividing their spoils, one of them already having claimed Princess Rapunzel's crown and wearing it proudly. I looked around frantically to see the amulet was being argued over by two others.
"Let's get em!" The pianist said, smashing his hook into the palm of his good hand rather frighteningly.
"Cedric are you coming?" Eugene asked when I remained behind, lounging up against a tree.
"I'm a royal sorcerer NOT a tavern brawler. But you go right ahead and get your heads bashed in. I'll be here if you need some magical assistance." I assured, waving them on.
"Alright, just…if you see anyone aiming for the nose, I expect that help!"
Without much planning they all went rushing into the clearing and another rag tag brawl ensued. Once everyone was happily engaged I pointed my wand.
"Hatuzi!" I said, aiming at Rapunzel's crown.
It came flying into my hands and I couldn't help the pleased little dance that came out of me.
Laying it on the ground I was just about to use the same spell to bring the amulet to me when I noticed it was now in the hands of one of the men from the duckling. Not wanting to start a fight with the Prince's friends, or anyone really who could break me in half with only their thumb and forefinger, I waved my wand and the fake amulet of Avalor I'd made years ago appeared in my hand.
"At least I don't need to worry about a distraction," I muttered as I watched the man being pummeled by two of the 'bad' bad guys.
"Switchawhichitous Switcheroo!" I said, and suddenly the real amulet was in my hand and the fake was in the grip of the 'good' bad guy.
Looking down on the cursed jewel I found, even though I had no intention of keeping it, it still gave me a thrill to know I'd successfully stolen it once again. However I knew all too well how the amulet tended to feel about these sorts of things.
"I'm taking you back to Sofia, so there'll be none of your bratty little antics, understand. If anything, even a piece of lint, so much as clings to my hands I'll throw you in a swamp!"
With the amulet and the crown successfully retrieved I leaned back against my tree and let the others have their fun.
Eugene especially seemed to be enjoying himself, dodging in between fights, snatching up stolen jewels. For some reason I'd become invested in his having a decent time, so I let it go on until the sun started to peak up from behind the hills. Then, sensing it was time to head back, I waved my wand and conjured a contingent of guards.
They went galloping into the clearing scaring away the 'bad' bad guys, who ran for their lives, leaving everything they hadn't managed to put on behind.
Once they were gone the guards evaporated and only Eugene and the duckling's denizens were left.
They all looked at me and started cheering. I shrugged as though it was nothing. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being a valued part of the group.
We met Maximus, Eugene's horse, conscience, frenemy, I honestly wasn't sure what, at the door of the Duckling. He'd been nice enough to bring a second horse with him, so after saying goodbye to Eugene's band of thieves with hearts of gold, we mounted, and began making our way back to the castle.
We hadn't gone far when Eugene pulled out the crown and began twirling it round on one of his fingers.
"You know I spent years planning the heist that brought this beauty into my life." He looked down on the thing with something like nostalgia. "It was going to be my ticket to a better life. It's weird how things turn out isn't it? This is going to be the second time I bring this thing back and I don't even care."
I pulled the amulet out of the sleeve of my robe and examined it.
"You don't have to explain. I spent more time than I care to admit trying to get this. I had it once before, but I gave it back."
"I gave the crown back because Rapunzel was worth more." He said, smiling at it now as though it were an old friend.
"I gave the amulet back because it cursed me with iron hands." I chuckled. I really did hate this thing.
"Ouch."
Before I knew it my mouth was opening again.
"But also because without it Sofia couldn't talk to her rabbit and that made her sad. I hate seeing her sad, especially when I'm the cause."
Looking back I realized how blind I'd been.
Anyone with eyes to see would have known that was the moment I essentially became a marked man. Sofia had already broken down a few of my barriers by then, but that was the moment I should have known I was done for. That was the moment she got her little fingers around my heart.
The two of us looked up from our no longer coveted treasures and Eugene smiled.
I couldn't help but smile back.
It seemed an unlikely thing for a villain to find a kindred spirit in a ballroom full of royalty, but stranger things had happened.
"Just do yourself a favor and don't let them make you a prince. It sucks."
I couldn't help the snort that left my mouth.
"No really. I mean having three meals a day definitely has its charm, but everything else, everything except the Princess, sucks."
"You needn't worry for me on that count. Rolland despises me. There's little chance he'll welcome me with open arms and put a crown on my head. The moment he finds out I've been sneaking around with his little girl they'll be erecting a scaffold with my name on it."
"Then do yourself a favor, skip the whole thing and take her away."
I looked over at him as though he'd grown two heads.
"I'm serious. If I had it to do over again….Well no, I couldn't keep blondy from her family when I knew how much she wanted one. But if she hadn't and I had it to do over again, I'd take her somewhere warm and secluded and sandy and spend the rest of my days stealing coconuts from monkeys and forbidding her to wear clothes."
By that time we were back at the castle and, as if to prove my point, we were greeted only by the king and queen of Corona, Rapunzel, and Sofia.
I suppose I should have been hurt king Rolland didn't care enough about my wellbeing to rouse himself out of bed. But I was still basking in the afterglow of being appreciated, even if only by a few thieves and a misfit prince.
So instead I watched as Rapunzel ran into Eugene's arms and, after he set her crown back on her head with a sexy smirk and a few snarky words, she covered him in kisses and promised a better reward to come.
That turned both her parents red as beets and, before things could go too far in public, the king and queen joined their daughter, enveloping Eugene in a group hug.
"Cedric," the king let go of Eugene after a moment and was walking over to me, his hand extended. "The Kingdom of Corona is forever in your debt. King Rolland is truly blessed to have a man such as you in his service."
With that he shook my hand and clapped me on the back.
I bowed low in response, for some reason unable to find any words, and continued to stand there while the happy family made their way up the stairs and back into the castle.
When they were gone Sofia rushed up to me.
"I was so afraid for you!" She said, and I could see it was taking all her willpower not to embrace me. I could sympathize, but we were too exposed here, even if the rest of Enchancia's royal family were all still snoring in their beds.
"I'm sorry I worried you, but I wasn't in any danger." I reassured her. "And," I waggled an eyebrow at her, "I might have come across something on my little adventure."
Walking behind her I put my hand in front of her face and let the Amulet of Avalor slip out of my sleeve and into my palm.
"Oh Cedric, you found it!" She gasped.
Sweeping her hair to one side, I put the amulet back where it belonged and snuck a kiss to the back of her neck all at the same time.
"Thank you!" She said, and I sensed her gratitude had multiple layers.
Thank you for going after the amulet. Thank you for getting it back. Thank you for not keeping it and using it for nefarious purposes.
"Well, how can I go swimming with the most beautiful mermaid in the seventeen seas if she can't find her tail?"