Dear valued readers, please keep in mind that I wrote the sequel to this story first. As I write I am making every effort to remain consistent with what I established in FYL. I realize that Emma's situation has to appear hopeless for her to make such an extreme decision. In this chapter I give you just the tip of her anguish. Yes, anguish. So, be prepared. This update is meant to be informative and, hopefully, entertaining. Thank you for choosing to stick with this story, I appreciate your support, encouragement, enthusiasm, and feedback. Please come back for the next update. Happy reading!
Just as she was starting to put the pieces of her broken life back together, her world was suddenly turned upside down. It's understandable that she would be a little anxious. And under the current circumstances, remaining calm requires an extraordinary amount of effort. In her mind she repeats, "I'm doing this for you," to her unborn child. The love she feels for her baby carries her through this incredibly awkward test, as Storybrooke's only doctor inserts the transducer between her legs. She watches the black and white image on the monitor, completely mesmerized by her baby's heartbeat, as the doctor begins his evaluation. Pelvic exams were never a big deal in the past, but Whale always gave the young woman an uneasy feeling, especially after he assaulted Regina when the curse broke and his memories returned.
Unexpectedly, Emma is reliving that awful day. Not only had she saved the queen more than once on that occasion, but when she saw the angry mob outside Regina's home and Whale's hands wrapped around the woman's neck the fear was nearly paralyzing. Somehow she managed to fight through the paralysis and stopped Whale before he made good on his threat to make Regina suffer for what she had done. The thought is so upsetting that the young woman decides, instead, to reminisce about how much has changed over the past three years, especially between her and the town's mayor. Now, looking back, she fondly remembers how their relationship began with a bitter custody battle over their son. She never imagined, then, that they would one day be friends, let alone lovers. The sad fact hits her. They will never be lovers again. She returns to reality, fortuitously tuning in at the crucial moment.
"Everything seems to be developing normally," Doctor Whale announces, continuing the examination. "And you appear to be about nine weeks along. Congratulations, Emma."
The young woman can only manage a blank stare at the present moment. If she had known that she would be expected to respond she would have prepared for her reaction. It was a nice idea, though, as much as she thought about it, nothing could have prepared her for this.
"Emma?" Mary Margaret had volunteered to accompany her daughter to the ultrasound today. She knew how anxious her daughter was to receive news about the baby.
"I'm sorry. Did you say nine weeks?" the young woman asks to make sure she heard correctly.
She struggles to get a grip on the news she has just received and anxiously searches her memory for the date of the last time she slept with the pirate. As she replays the events of the past few months, they are filled with thoughts of Regina. She remembers how Regina used to touch her, the way she kissed her, the way she spoke to her, the way she looked at her, and most importantly, how she felt when she was with Regina. The young woman is suddenly cold. The mayor is the only person she had been with in the course of two months. Had it only been two months? When did they start their affair? Is it possible that it was that long ago?
"That's right."
Oh, Whale's still here.
"Honey, what's wrong?"
Shit, Mom's here too. More than ever, Emma wishes she had the power to disappear, or at least make herself small enough so she could crawl away, unnoticed, and hide in the crack of wall.
"Dr. Whale, can you give us a minute?"
Fuck. Now she's going to try to talk to me. The young woman is not ready for this, not even a little. Of course the thought that this baby might be Regina's had crossed her mind, but she would never have imagined it possible. She only hopes that her mother won't notice that she is quickly coming unraveled.
"Emma, talk to me. What's wrong?"
This is not happening. The distressed young woman does the only thing she knows how to do in a situation like this, she shuts down. "Nothing. I'm fine."
Mary Margaret is relentless. "You're obviously not fine. What happened?"
It's times like these when the blonde woman believes that it would be easier to go back to being an orphan. What a terrible thought. I'm a horrible person. She feels the tremendous pressure of expectation that accompanies being Snow White's daughter. How could she possibly live up to her parents? Who is she anyway? The self-deprecation would eat her alive if she let it. Her internal struggle becomes even more noticeable when angry tears begin filling her eyes.
Where did my daughter go just now? Mary Margaret wonders. "Emma. Honey, it's alright."
The young woman falls apart. The painful truth that the thing she needs most is out of her reach cuts through to her soul. She needs Regina, the one person who understands the yearnings of her heart. In the queen's absence, the blonde woman hugs her mother tighter, letting herself imagine for just one minute that she is holding the woman she loves.
"Emma, it's okay. I'm going to take care of you, I promise."
The hopeless thought continues to play in the young woman's mind. I need Regina. She has to tell her mother the truth. She needs to talk to someone. Recognizing that this is not the time to confess the reality of the hopeless situation to her mother, Emma jumps to the excuse that no decent human being would question.
Fighting through heartbroken sobs, she squeaks, "Stupid hormones."
"I know sweetie," Mary Margaret soothes.
Nailed it. Having Snow White for a mother is not so terrible. She has such a warm and accepting heart, she would never dream of challenging her daughter's lie at a time like this.
"Is everything alright in here?"
Oh, good, Whale's back. When did she become so intolerant? Emma wonders. It's probably my baby's mother rubbing off on me. That certainly feels like a Regina reaction.
"Yes, doctor. We're fine."
Oh, AND he slept he slept with my mother! Dick. The young woman only hopes her inner monologue remains that way, inside. I really need to get a grip before I say something stupid. Fortunately for Emma she had spent enough years in therapy to recognize when she needs to step back and practice self-care. She decides to use the fact that her mother is presently conversing with Whale to her advantage and focuses, instead, on her breathing. Suddenly her efforts to center herself are interrupted.
"Here is your baby's first picture," Whale announces, handing a black and white image to the expectant mother.
Despite her best efforts to remain calm, the young woman involuntarily starts to weep. Regina. I want Regina.
Dr. Frankenstein is an experienced physician and scientist. Maybe that's why human emotion still makes him uncomfortable.
Mary Margaret, being the bigger person, recognizes the time to step up. "She says it's the hormones," she explains, gently wrapping her arms around her daughter's trembling shoulders.
Thankfully, Whale is not as dense as he looks and recognizes his cue to exit. "I'll leave you two alone."
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The blonde woman had never been more grateful to be fully clothed. Isn't there a female doctor in this town? That's something she would have to discuss at a later time, with Regina. It's amazing how normal that thought feels. She lets her mind wander and instantly wishes she hadn't when she imagines her future, blissfully normal, with the woman she loves. She pictures them together, in their home, with their children, sitting down to family dinner and discussing the events of the day. Henry is seated across from them at the dining room table and their baby's highchair is situated between them. Regina is laughing and smiling at their giggling baby as she attempts to spoon applesauce into the child's mouth. Occasionally she catches Emma's eyes, silently communicating her happiness and devotion.
"Are you sure you don't want a ride home?"
She is prematurely shaken from her reverie. Emma never wanted to leave that moment. Nothing else had ever felt more real. The harsh reality hits. That will never be her life. The young woman is just grateful that her mother is currently preoccupied with locating her car keys and doesn't notice the tears streaming down her daughter's face.
She quickly wipes the stray tears from her cheeks. "I think I need to walk. You know, clear my head."
Mary Margaret understands that Emma is upset about something, but recognizes that it is not her place to push her grown-up daughter to talk if she is not ready. "I understand."
"It's not that cold yet. You go ahead," she tries to sound reassuring.
When she is finally alone she can at last be with Regina, even though it is only in her mind.
"Call me if you decide you need a ride home. I don't want you to freeze later when the temperature drops."
Mary Margaret's concern warms the young woman's heart. In her life Emma Swan had only ever felt valued by another person when she had something that person wanted. For the first time, she feels loved for who she is and not because Mary Margaret desires to use her for her own gain.
What Emma says next are the most natural words she has ever spoken. "I'll be fine, Mom. Don't worry."
Mary Margaret offers her daughter an honest smile. "I'm your mother. It's my job to worry about you." She suddenly remembers that her little girl is a grown woman and decides to speak to her as a friend. "I know this is a lot to take in, Emma. But everything is going to be alright."
"I know. I just need some time."
"Okay, honey. I'll see you at home."
She knows she shouldn't, but that awareness doesn't stop the young sheriff from walking in the direction of the local pawn shop. This is a bad idea. Approaching her destination, the internal struggle continues as she takes inventory of every reason not to enter Gold's shop. Unfortunately, these considerations have zero affect once Emma Swan has set her course. She needs to talk to someone, but she knows that she cannot converse with just anyone about what she has recently learned. Whether it's a good idea or not she chooses to visit the one person that may be able to help her process all of the thoughts racing through her mind. Unbeknownst to Emma, the person she sought council with was eagerly awaiting her arrival.
"Ah, Miss Swan. Now what brings you by today?"
I am in no mood. "Cut the shit, Gold. You know why I'm here," she responds bitterly, regretfully striding toward the counter. She hates that it had to come to this.
The sinister man responds with an eerily cool demeanor, "Of course I know. But, do you?"
There is a moment of silence before the young woman musters the courage to voice what she already knows to be true, but she can only manage a whisper. "It's Regina's."
She crumbles under the weight of her own admission. Every feeling she had guarded herself against rises to the surface. Her knees suddenly become weak, no longer able to support her body weight, causing her to slump to the floor. Leaning her back against a display case for support, she covers her face with her hand, in a failed attempt to hide, and begins to quietly weep. "That's the first time I've said it out loud. I still can't believe it."
The abnormally cold man approaches the collapsed woman, his figure towering over the withered sheriff. "Whether you believe it or not, it's real." The Dark One would never miss an opportunity to kick someone when he or she is down.
The young woman looks up with pleading eyes, desperately searching for hope in a seemingly bleak situation. "How did this happen?"
"Do I really need to break it down for you?" He is obviously more comfortable with sarcasm.
"No. What I mean is…did you plan this?!" She is suddenly riled.
The overly-confident man stands his ground, determined to rattle the sheriff. "As much as I would love to take credit, this is far more wonderful than anything I could have designed. The offspring of the Evil Queen and the Savior is going to be the most powerful sorceress in all the realms."
"Wait." Had she heard correctly? "Did you just say sorceress?"
Gold offers her a smile reminiscent of a crocodile. "I did indeed."
She doesn't know how long, but the younger woman had temporarily stopped breathing. Before suffocating, luckily, she remembers the most fundamental element necessary to sustain life and inhales a shuddered breath. "I'm having a girl?"
"Your daughter was conceived by two magical women. You didn't really expect to have a boy again, did you?" He is in his element now, using sarcasm for the purpose of embarrassing the already vulnerable woman.
Though she had considered the possibility of this baby being the mayor's, she keeps coming back to the same question that remains a mystery. "I'm still struggling to understand how it's possible that we conceived a child at all."
"Well I certainly hope I don't need to explain—"
"Spare me, Gold. I can't take much more today or, I swear, my head is going to explode." My sex life is the absolute last thing I want to discuss right now.
There is only one other person who could get away with talking to Rumplestiltskin in that manner and live. By happenstance that person is currently the topic of conversation. Now Gold realizes why these two women got together in the first place. They are both infuriating, strong willed, and are accustom to being in charge. They complement each other entirely.
He clears his throat in order to mask his irritation. "Okay. Now that we have a clear picture—"
Cutting him off, the young woman threatens, "You'd better not be picturing anything, you fucking pervert."
Maybe it's the hormones that have turned her into a lunatic. Emma Swan has utterly lost her mind and is currently staring down Rumplestiltskin, even though her reclined position would suggest that she is not the one in control of the situation.
Gold noticeably swallows back the rage rising inside him. No one talks to him like that. He immediately amends his previous thought, no one except Regina. Obviously this woman is her counterpart. He decides to pick his battles and bows out of the infuriating conversation.
"Well, since you seem to already have a clear understanding, you obviously don't need my help." He turns to walk away.
The young woman rises in order to stop him. "No, please!" She changes her tone. "I over reacted. I'm just a little emotionally unstable these days. Please continue."
Entirely irate by the last exchange, he resentfully begins to explain, "When you and Regina were…"
Now she is just nauseated."Gold, I swear…" she warns.
His patience is running out. Inhaling a deep breath, the exasperated man continues, "At some point, I would imagine, when you were approaching orgasm, her Majesty released a significant amount of magic inside you." This announcement noticeably touches a nerve. "Is there a problem?"
"She fucking lied to me." Emma recalls a conversation she and Regina had almost two months ago about that night that changed everything. Not only had Regina lied about using magic, but she also lied about nothing changing between them. The old resentments creep into Emma's awareness. "I asked her if she used magic and she lied to my face!"
A furious, hormonal woman, who possesses an extraordinary amount of magic, is carrying a magical baby, and is romantically linked with the most powerful dark sorceress the world has ever known suddenly becomes the scariest thing Gold has ever seen. He attempts to pacify the scorned woman. "She may not have realized."
"Don't defend her! She knew exactly what she was doing and she lied to me!"
She had been hopeful before, but now she feels herself caving in. How could Regina do this to me? The ghosts from her past make themselves know. Emma Swan had been betrayed many times during her life by people she trusted. She wanted to believe that Regina was different.
No stranger to the lure of darkness, Gold watches the young woman go somewhere horrible. Though, by nature, he is unsympathetic, he chooses to bring the young woman out before she goes too far.
"There would have needed to be a great deal of emotion involved, for both of you."
The young woman looks up unexpectedly, angry tears glistening in her eyes.
"Am I getting warmer?" Gold is entirely satisfied. He knew that would earn a reaction.
He knows. "Are you saying that she has feelings for me?"
"I can't speak for Regina, but something happened to create that life inside you," he responds, gesturing toward Emma's abdomen with his cane.
Instinctively, the young woman wraps both arms, protectively, around her mid-section. "How do I know you're telling the truth?"
"Now don't tell me you can't feel it." He offers an eerie smile.
"I feel her. She is Regina's." She has still not fully processed the fact that she is pregnant or the knowledge of the baby's other parent.
"You're carrying part of her mother inside you." As much as the two women irritate him, he could not be prouder of the outcome of their union.
Though she had come to Gold's shop of her own volition she still can't shake the feeling that she has just been violated. This man had quite literally looked into her soul. All the emotions that she had kept buried have now been brought to the surface. She is left exposed and exhausted. "How do you know all this?" She wraps her arms more securely around her mid-section and averts her eyes, avoiding Gold's judging gaze.
"I felt it." He waits a beat. "I felt it the moment you set foot in my shop the other day. That's a magical baby inside you."
The fair haired woman feels a surge of panic rip through her. Her eyes widen and she is suddenly animated. "Gold, you have to help me," she pleads. She only hopes that this man is not still sore with her for being so candid before. "I don't know how to take care of a magical baby."
Contrary to what Emma might think Rumplestiltskin actually respects the young sheriff for standing up to him today. Most of Storybrooke's inhabitants are rather boring and would never challenge the Dark One. Emma Swan has proved a worthy opponent. "Your daughter is not made of magic. She was conceived by magic and she already possesses an enormous amount of that same magic." He can see his words affecting the young woman. "Relax Miss Swan. Your daughter is fully human, just like you…and her mother."
The fury has been replaced with fear. Never had Emma Swan felt so helpless and alone. "But if she already has magic, what is she going to do?"
Gold inhales deeply, taking a moment to formulate a response before answering honestly. "She may not be able to do anything for the first few years of her life. Her magic has to mature before she will be able to use it. By that time you can teach her how to control it."
I can't do this. Panic attacks are the worst. Her breathing quickens, her palms begin to sweat, and she feels as if she is going to die. I can't do this!
"Are you alright Miss Swan?"
The ongoing struggle to get air into her lungs makes it impossible for the young woman to speak above a whisper. "I have to tell Regina."
Though he respects the Savior, he is still not fond of the fallen queen and uses their tryst for his own amusement.
"Fine idea, Miss Swan. Tell the woman who took advantage of you, used you for her own gratification, lied to you countless time, got you pregnant and left you for a common man."
Of course she had gone over all of these things in her mind before. Hearing another person say them is an entirely different experience.
Inching closer to the dilapidated woman in order to drive the point home, Gold continues, "Tell the woman who broke your heart."
The young sheriff is noticeably trembling. All she can think of is Regina, happy in the arms of another person.
"Maybe she'll even love you now."
Oh, fuck. This thought terrifies the young woman more than anything. If Regina decides to leave Robin, it would be for the baby. She needs Regina's love to be genuine.
"That is what you want, isn't it?"
I can't tell her.