A/N: So even though this is a really loose little set of one shots I thought it was time to move the overarching story along a little. This came out rather silly and unbelievable, but I figure this whole story is a little silly so it's okay.

Happy Mothers' Day!

Chapter Five:

But Honey…killing everyone you love and destroying everything good in the world is a perfectly acceptable alternative to telling your father we're together!

Honesty is the best policy!

Whoever said that was an idiot of such epic proportions I can only hope they suffered a satisfyingly ironic death mere moments later.

Unfortunately for the rest of us, the platitudes which fall from the mouths of morons often stick around long after their sayer has been rightfully eviscerated.

As a villain you will be more than familiar with the fact that honesty is usually anything but the best. It's more like the verbal equivalent of procuring the finest, most expensive textiles so you can use them to painstakingly weave your own noose. Dishonesty has, after all, brought you everything you have in life and likely kept you around to enjoy it.

But there are times when that most charmingly irritating of banalities actually becomes a necessity. Like when the alternative is losing the first good thing that's ever happened to you….

"…then you wave your wand in a circular, counter-clockwise fashion, like so, while saying the magic words, Movato Limita, and finally point it at the object you wish to transport. When it disappears you point again where you'd like it to reappear."

I demonstrated by moving Wormwood's perch. Ignoring the indignant screeches of the bird who had been dozing on top of it before its sudden, unexpected disappearance.

He could eat it as far as I was concerned. The feathered ingrate had been doing nothing but sulking and screeching at me for months now. Completely bent out of shape I would dare to betray our partnership and fall in love with someone so decidedly un-bad.

"Like so," I said, satisfaction evident in my voice when it reappeared across the room.

Suddenly there were breasts crushed into my back and soft hips pressing into my rear. All while two delicate hands came alongside mine and small, elegant fingers aligned themselves with my own.

"That seems complicated," she whispered just below my ear, her voice as seductive as her pretense was false. This was a spell she could do in her sleep. Which was why I'd never bothered teaching it to her before. However, I planned to rearrange my tower come spring, and as my apprentice she was going to help. "Won't you show me again?"

"Teasing wench," I bit out, as her fingers slipped between my own, taking hold of me and her hips pressed forward again.

She only laughed...and wickedly at that.

I leveled Wormwood with a stare that said 'Put that in your birdseed and chew it!' as he resettled on his rematerialized seat.

"You told me you wanted to see me get more naughty!" She countered and I had no defense. I had told her that, and even though I'd meant it in the evil sense, this was in a way, the evilest she could be.

The weeks to her eighteenth birthday were steadily slipping away, and if it hadn't been for the fact I'd put a firm hold on anything more serious than kissing and a few stolen touches there wouldn't have been a problem.

It was true there had been the night when I'd given her the cursed bracelet. And the nights we'd gone swimming in the ocean on our way to and from Corona. And there was the other time when….. But other than those few slips, our relationship had been completely innocent. She was still technically innocent. And I was determined to keep it that way until we declared ourselves to her family. Which I was adamant we mustn't do a second before midnight on her eighteenth birthday.

Which was why we were both starting to buckle under the strain of restrained desires. And now she was teasing me in the most merciless, mercenary way she could.

I should have been applauding her… I most definitely was not. It was just like my princess to learn everything I had to teach her and then use it against me!

"Well you see, you just…." I was a millisecond away from turning in her arms and kissing her until she was breathless when the there was an unexpected bang on the door.

We jumped apart guiltily just in time for Baileywick to come waltzing in. Sighing I decided to take out a little of my frustration in the only available way. Being rude to my least favorite person save the King.

"It's customary to wait until your knock is answered, Baileywick." I snarled at him. "What do you want? I'm very busy!"

It had become something of a game between us over the years. How rude could each of us be without it actually coming to curses or thrown punches. Since Baileywick was one of the few men I was fairly certain I could take in a fight, it might actually come to blows one day, though I'd much rather hex him. Sofia said he made a lovely frog.

"Yes I can see," he replied dryly. "Do be careful Cedric. You wouldn't want to overwork yourself. With how frequented your tower is, it might be days before anyone realizes you've expired from the exertion."

"I'm here all the time!" Sofia suddenly burst in, a look of hurt indignation on her face that seemed to startle the faithful steward.

So much so he coughed and fidgeted about uncomfortably for almost a full minute.

"Yes, of course Princess. Actually it's you I'm looking for. Prince Desmond has come for tea and brought his cousin the Grand Duke Andrew with him. They and Princess Amber are waiting for you in the garden gazebo. I've been instructed to fetch you there immediately."

The two of us shared a look, and then she was smiling at the steward with all the grace and charm she'd learned in the past nine years. It was a considerable arsenal, as well I knew.

"Oh, that sounds lovely. But I'm not dressed to receive a Prince, no less a Prince and a Grand Duke. Would you be so kind as to run back down to the garden and let Amber and everyone else know I'll be just a few minutes more. I want to go downstairs and freshen up first. I should change my dress too."

Her easy acquiescence seemed to please the persnickety steward and he gave her a doting, fatherly smile.

"Of course Princess Sofia!" With that Baileywick leveled me with one last disapproving gaze and turned to head back down the tower steps.

When he was gone, Sofia closed the door as quietly as possible and turned back looking for all the world like a deer run down by a pack of wolves.

"This is the fifth 'unexpected' visit by a Prince in as many weeks." She said, her voice trembling.

"Sofia…." She didn't let me finish.

Instead she bounded towards me and threw her arms around my neck, practically choking the life out of me.

"Cedric we have to tell them! I'm getting worried, most especially because Amber seems to be in on it. Ambushing me with everyone she can think of that I ever so much as looked at kindly and now their relatives too!"

"What are you afraid of?" I asked, realizing she'd been on edge for quite some time.

"I'm afraid Amber is helping Dad narrow down my list of options. That if I'm not careful he may decide to just pick someone for me and I won't find out until the deed's already done. We have to tell them about us!"

If I were anyone else, I would have agreed with her, but….

"What makes you so sure your father won't rush to betroth you when he finds out you've been slumming it with me all these months. Our telling him might end up being a catalyst for him to act impulsively rather than a deterrent."

"Don't ever use that word again," she pinned me with an angry look.

One I couldn't help laughing at, though it was a rather pitiable, self-deprecating laugh.

"What else would you call it when a beautiful, brilliant girl with the world at her feet and her whole life before her chooses to set her affections on a bitter, sinister, old hack twice her age?"

Her hands left my neck to grab onto the lapels of my robe, and she pulled me close with a fierce expression in her eyes.

"I'm not dignifying your description of yourself Cedric. You know I don't think a single word of that is true! And I will never hear you use the term 'slumming' to describe what we have again. Do you hear me? As for the rest of it. I call it true love, because that's what it is."

I couldn't fight her answer even if I wanted to. I had no other words to describe what I felt for her, no matter how hopeless it was or how impossible it would have seemed only a year ago that I should feel this way.

Looking down at her, clinging to me so earnestly, I remembered Eugene's words from only a few weeks ago.

"Why don't we just skip the whole thing and run away! Where would you like to go? Name a place and we can be there before you can say 'Prospero's Pickles'!"

"Enchancia!" She deadpanned.

"You're impossible sometimes you know that?" I sighed, untangling her fingers from my robes and taking a step back to rake a hand through my hair.

"Do you love me?" She asked, stepping forward, obliterating what little personal space I'd managed to take back.

"You know I do! How could I not? I'm malevolent, not insane." I sighed again, leveling her with a sober expression.

"And do you want to marry me?" Her arms were back around me, all of her front pressing against all of mine. Making it very hard to talk, no less think.

"I'm not one to harp on labels," I laughed, trying to inject a little levity into the situation, since we both knew I was entirely obsessed with such things. But she only pinned me with a raised eyebrow and a decidedly impatient quirk to the side of her mouth. "I want whatever will give me all of you, for the rest of our lives. So yes I want very badly to marry you, Sofia."

She tipped up on her toes and pressed her petal pink lips to mine so sweetly it forced a small whimper from me.

"Then we need to tell them before things spin out of our control."

"Or you could just lend me your amulet. I'll have your father deposed before dinner and then we can celebrate with a quickie ceremony. You'll be Mrs. Cedric the Sensational by bedtime!" I gave her my most roguish, charming, crooked smile and brandished my wand all eager beaver and ready to go!

"Cedric…." She pulled out my name to twice its normal length.

"What? It's a perfectly reasonable alternative. I won't even kill them. Except for Baileywick. I'm definitely killing Baileywick. But come on four lives for the price of one… that's still a great deal for a bloody coup!"

"Cedric you promised!" She was looking at me with those eyes, the ones that said this was her one deal breaker.

Damn her!

"Fine, fine, but you're forgetting one thing."

"Oh?"

"Sofia, you're seventeen."

"If you say those words to me just one more time, or use them as an excuse for not doing something I'm desperate to do just one more time, I'm going to start answering every question you ask me with the words 'Cedric you're thirty-five'."

"Sofia, it makes a difference. Your parents might be entertaining the idea of interesting you in young men your age, but they will most certainly have my head on a platter for one- raising my sites to a princess and two-picking the one who's still technically underage!"

Sofia just huffed at me angrily.

"I need to get changed." With those less than pleased words she pulled away rather forcefully and turned to leave.

Suddenly there was a tugging at my chest and the sound of something snapping and we both looked down to see her amulet on the floor.

"It must have gotten caught on my vest button." I said, shocked, as we both bent down.

Sofia retrieved the amulet and I the chain. Holding it up, the spot where the clasp had broken was clearly visible.

Before I could say more she was putting the stone in my empty hand and turning for the door.

"Do you think you can fix it? I don't have time to right now and I don't feel comfortable leaving it unattended in my room."

Part of me wanted to point out I was a royal sorcerer not a jeweler or question why she would prefer to leave it with the guy who'd just proposed using it to take over, but we both knew I wasn't going back on my promise when the result would be losing her. And besides I'd already had it all to myself not too long ago and given it back. So there seemed little chance of my scoring a verbal victory by being dickish.

I nodded to her instead.

She seemed satisfied and headed for the door, but before she could go through it I found myself calling out to her, hating to leave things so tense and unsettled between us.

"You'll come back later?" Weak and pathetic thy name is Cedric.

She turned back and for a moment her face went soft and almost forgiving, but then she must have remembered I was being an unreasonable, intransigent dick (in her mind) and instead she leveled me with a hard gaze.

"Cedric you're thirty-five."

And with that she was off to her tea party.

I actually did have many other things to do. While it was true I'd often used it as an excuse in the past to try to get her to go away, I was actually a very busy royal sorcerer. And at the moment I had no less than ten potion requests pending and two spells I needed to find and perfect so I could use them in the village on the King's business.

But instead I moped, and twisted the amulet's broken chain around my finger, and wondered if I was truly being an unreasonable, intransigent dick, of if she was in fact being a stubborn, naïve…TEENAGER!

On the one hand, I fairly detested Sofia's step-father (a feeling I was sure was mutual) but I'd never taken him for a royal pimp trying to offload his daughters the second they reached their 'sell by' dates. So I found it hard to believe he was actively trying to find Sofia a suitor before she even reached the established age of adulthood.

On the other hand, Amber had recently become engaged to Freezenburg's heir: Crown Prince Carl something von somethings-berg. And that might mean Rolland thought it was simply Sofia's turn. Sofia was right, there had been a rather large number of Princes just popping by wanting to have tea, or walk the gardens, or play croquet with her as of late.

Not being popular with…well… anyone I was limited in my knowledge of castle gossip and goings on.

If we said nothing we might indeed find out we'd waited too long.

One didn't simply get out of a royal betrothal by admitting that ops, you'd been meaning to get something off your chest for a while but hadn't found a good time. In which case I would have to steal her away and then my head would be on a platter anyway.

On the other other hand, my reasoning still stood: the king hated me. I was in serious doubt his love for his daughter, no matter how genuine, was great enough to overcome his dislike of me. That wouldn't change simply because Sofia had turned eighteen, but at least I wouldn't look like a predator on top of everything else…at least not much.

Realizing I wasn't going to get anything done like this, I decided I would just fix the chain on Sofia's amulet so at least I could feel like I'd done one thing today that wasn't unreasonable, intransigent, or dickish.

It took hardly more than a few minutes to fix and when it was done I used a spell to magically strengthen the clasp, considering the thing looked positively ancient. Replacing the amulet on the chain I decided to test out my handiwork. Undoing my tie, I put the yellow silk on my worktable and put the amulet on. Sofia's chain was a good deal smaller than the one I'd used when I'd switched the amulet with a fake all those years ago, but I managed to get it on and proceeded to give it a few good tugs.

It seemed to be all mended and good as new.

I was about to take it off when the damn, cranky jewel lit!

"Now see here!" I began yelling at it, not at all in the mood for another game of 'carrot and stick the bad guy'. One afternoon of that had been quite enough for a lifetime thank you very much! "I was just fixing your damnable chain, you rotten, obnoxious piece of costume jewelry!"

"If you're far enough gone you spend your days talking to inanimate objects, I'm not sure I have much advice you'd find helpful." A purring alto voice suddenly lilted to me from behind my back.

Turning around I couldn't help yelping at the figure standing before me.

"Neptune's Nettles, how on earth are you here?

She laughed, and I had the distinct feeling it was at me and not with me.

"The amulet sent me."

"I thought the amulet only summoned princesses to help." I squeaked, still shocked and clasping the purple jewel I was beginning to think was in fact far more sentient and far more trenchant than anyone had been giving it credit for.

"Well, what are Queens really but princesses who've gotten a promotion? Or in my case, who were at the head of a…hostile takeover." She laughed now, a silky, sinister sound that was as smooth as it was blood curdling.

"Still, I can't remember Sofia ever mentioning a visit from someone like you."

"I doubt there's much advice I'd have to give Princess Sofia she'd be open to accepting. A loss which is entirely her own, I might add. On the other hand, I can't really see you having a meaningful heart to heart with Snow White either. You get the princess you need Cedric old boy. Now, tell me precisely why I'm here? I have executions to attend and hearts to box. I'm not on indefinite retainer."

"Yes, of course…" I coughed, trying to get my bearings.

I'd never been one to bare my soul easily to anyone, but there was something rather tantalizing about the thought of getting some bad old fashioned advice from a personal hero! Merlin was still my number one, but when it came to sheer villainy few had it over the Evil Queen!

"Well, you see the issue is this…."

Ten minutes later I'd managed to tell her basically the entire story and she's was staring at me with a look of overwhelming incredulity on her flawlessly perfect face.

"Remind me again why you're wasting time telling me the plot of a bad romance novel instead of using that," she gestured to the jewel still at my neck, "to take over the kingdom yesterday?"

"I told you, I love Sofia! I don't want to be king. I don't want to rule. I want a happily ever after with my princess." I said as though I must not have made that clear the first time.

Suddenly she was slinking her way across the workshop floor to come and place a hand against my forehead.

"You're not feverish? There must be something else wrong with you." She murmured to herself, only to have Wormwood squawk loudly, circle the room a few times, and come to land on her shoulder.

She petted him from beak to tail feathers with a single perfectly manicured, blood red fingernail.

"It appears I'm not the only one who's worried for your sanity." She chuckled.

"Everyone's a critic." I muttered staring daggers at my supposed familiar.

"Well, I can't say I don't think your priorities are skewed, but my advice remains the same. If you want something you don't ask permission to have it. When I wanted to rule a kingdom I poisoned my husband and took his for myself. When his daughter got in my way, I ordered my huntsman to cut out her heart."

"That didn't turn out so well." I reminded her.

She looked at me hard and I backed away slightly, giving her a small, hopefully conciliatory smile.

"Be that as it may, at least I didn't go down without a fight. Whether you want this kingdom or just its princess, don't ask permission Cedric. Take what you want and let those who would oppose you know how it's going be! Some will hem and haw, but you'll find others who respect guts."

With that she was gone in a puff of purple smoke and Wormwood again found his perch unceremoniously pulled out from under him.

He cawed indignantly and circled the room a few times.

"Serves you right, you traitor."

Pulling off the amulet, I looked at it hard.

"What do I have to lose?" I said to no one in particular.

Stalking down to the gardens I found Sofia sitting in the gazebo with Amber, Prince what's his name, and Grand Duke who now (?). Sofia had her back to me, but Amber saw me, though she seemed intent on ignoring me until I stepped up into the little structure and began making my way around the table.

"Cedric! What are you doing?" The eldest princess cried, rage evident in her voice as I pulled a shocked Sofia out of her seat and began dragging her back towards the castle.

"Sofia's busy right now. She can't finish tea!" I called over my shoulder without a backwards glance.

"Cedric?" Sofia's voice was as high pitched and uncertain as I'd ever heard it but she didn't try to fight the iron grip I had on her hand.

"You were right. I was wrong." I gritted out, more because I was trying to screw up my courage than because I hated admitting I was in error, though I did.

"About what?" She asked.

"You think there's more than one thing?" I countered irritatedly, looking back at her.

She only answered me with a raised eyebrow and that quirked half smirk.

"Will you at least tell me where we're going?"

There was no need to answer as we'd arrived at the double doors to the King's study. Bursting in without a knock or a by your leave I was relieved, or terrified (I hadn't decided yet), to find not only the King but the Queen and Baileywick all assembled.

"Cedric what is the meaning of this?" Baileywick huffed out, a look of mortal offense on his face.

"Shut up," I said before turning to the King.

"King Rolland," I started, watching as the man eyed me like he was already planning what to do with my limbs after he'd quartered them from my body. "I love your daughter and I intend to marry her after her next birthday." I declared without a single stutter, tremble, or obsequious stoop towards the floor.

"Excuse me?" He rose out of his chair into his best intimidating king pose.

"You heard me." I bit back, holding my head high and putting my arm around the woman I loved.

"Daddy," Sofia interjected, a look of utter, radiant innocence on her face, "I love him and we've been trying to find a time to tell you for a while now. I'm not going to be entertaining anymore would be suitors."

"You can't be serious Sofia! Cedric!?" He gestured to me as though I were a particularly rotten piece of fish found in an old newspaper. "Sofia, think of your future!" He started riffling through a stack of papers on his desk! Showing them to her one by one. "Prince Desmond and his cousin. Prince Khalid, Prince Derrick, even Prince Hugo is still asking me for permission to court you, despite the dragon incident! And you'd rather have him?"

Sofia got a look on her face I was very much afraid might be accompanied by foot stamping, but then she seemed to realize it would be better if both of us weren't unreasonable, intransigent dicks.

"I have thought about my future dad. I want to become a duchess on my birthday just like Aunt Tilly did when she was my age. I want to marry Cedric, and I want to stay in Enchancia with my family and my friends. And I want…I want you to be happy for me."

Rolland was about to say something I was almost sure was 'guards arrest this man' when the Queen rose out of her chair and slammed her hand down on the King's desk.

"Rollie, SIT DOWN." I'd never heard Sofia's mother raise her voice, not once in the near decade she'd been Queen.

I had serious doubts Rolland had either, but his reaction was instantaneous. He immediately dropped back into his chair and closed his mouth like a contrite little boy.

"You promised me. You promised me the day I agreed to marry you that you would never make Sofia marry for duty over love. You don't have to like her choice, but you damn well better accept it, or I'll know everything you've ever promised me was a lie, and Sofia and I will walk out of this room, and out of this castle and never come back!"

"Miranda!" The King's voice sounded as helpless and pleading as I'd ever seen it.

"Cedric," The Queen walked over and put her arms around me affectionately. "Welcome to my family."

With that she turned around, sat back in her seat, and stared at the King with a gaze so withering I nearly begged mercy.

The seconds ticked down in silence as the King looked at me, then Sofia, then his wife, and then back at me. But finally he threw up his hands.

"Sofia, if this is what you want than I give you my blessing. But remember, marriage is permanent!"

"I'm well aware dad...thank you." And with that it was Sofia who did the pulling, tugging me out of the room, down the hall, up the stairs and back into my tower.

"So what changed your mind?" She asked, throwing her arms around me and planting little kisses all over my face.

I smiled down at her, holding up her amulet and allowing her to take it back from me.

"I got some bad advice."